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1
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:08,090
Hey, what's
the idea
2
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:10,090
of spoiling
the game?
3
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,090
I was for
\honesies.
4
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,600
Well, here's
twosies.
5
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,600
(laughing)
6
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,600
Brian, have you...?
7
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,100
(continues laughing)
8
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,610
Oh, no.
9
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,110
I can't believe
10
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:26,610
you're actually laughing
at the Three Stooges.
11
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,610
Why is it funny to see a man's
nose being twisted by pliers?
12
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,110
It's funny for the same reason
13
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:33,120
that squeezing
a man's head in a vise
14
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,620
is funny.
15
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:36,120
(laughing)
16
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,620
So, which one is which?
17
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,120
That's Moe, that's Larry
18
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:43,630
and the one with the power drill
in his ear is Curly.
19
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,130
Wait a minute.
20
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:46,130
Where's Harpo?
21
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,630
(laughs)
22
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,630
Okay.
23
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,140
I'm just going to explain
this once, all right?
24
00:00:55,140 --> 00:01:00,140
In the beginning,
God created Moe.
25
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:03,150
And then Moe begat
Larry and Curly.
26
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:06,150
And then after Curly was Shemp.
27
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,650
And then after Shemp
was Joe Besser--
28
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,150
although scholars debate whether
he was an actual Stooge or not.
29
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:15,160
But just sit down
and prepare to laugh.
30
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,160
See?
31
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,660
(laughing)
32
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,670
Funny, huh?
33
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,670
We can't sleep
together anymore.
34
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:33,680
Hey.
35
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,680
Hey, what
is this?
36
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,180
"Sandpiper fare:
A picnic in the sky."
37
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,180
What is this?
38
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,180
Yeah, get this, Brian.
39
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,180
Sandpiper Air is now offering
in-flight meals.
40
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:41,690
What do you think?
41
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,190
Well, let's see.
42
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,190
Nine people
eating greasy chicken
43
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,190
in a closed cabin
at 10,000 feet.
44
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,190
Why don't we just
start hauling livestock?
45
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:52,700
Actually, it's not a bad idea
when you think of it.
46
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,700
I mean, we could take a bunch
of these to the Mud Bowl.
47
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,200
The guys'll go crazy for them.
48
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,200
Hey, oh, no, is the Mud Bowl
the weekend after next?
49
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,200
Yeah.
50
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,710
Oh, no, you know what?
51
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:02,710
I think we made plans
for that weekend.
52
00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:05,210
Yeah, we're going to see Wayne
and Lois in Atlantic City.
53
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,710
Who the hell are Wayne and Lois?
54
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,210
This great couple
we met on our honeymoon.
55
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,210
They are so fun.
56
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,220
They're both locksmiths
57
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:14,720
and they installed all
the dead bolts at Trump Plaza.
58
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,220
But you would never know,
because they don't put on airs.
59
00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:20,220
I don't believe this.
60
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:22,230
I mean, you miss a Mud Bowl
because you're in jail.
61
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,230
You miss a Mud Bowl
because you're dead.
62
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:25,730
You do not miss a Mud Bowl
63
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:28,230
because you're going
to sit in New Jersey
64
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,730
watching Wayne and Lois
make keys!
65
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,730
Brian, it's just
a bunch of guys
66
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,740
playing football
in a mud pit.
67
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:35,240
Hey, I'm sorry.
68
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,240
Look, I'll just have to
take a rain check, okay?
69
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,240
Hey, and, uh, why don't
you save some there
for the passengers?
70
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,250
Don't worry, you guys will
hit the Mud Bowl next year.
71
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:47,250
Meanwhile, I suggest
you hit the fruit bowl.
72
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,250
My, Brian, you're getting
73
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:53,260
what I used to lovingly call
on George "a big fat gut!"
74
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,270
Roy, Roy, guess
what I just did.
75
00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:03,270
You hit another squirrel
76
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,770
and now you want to have
77
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,770
one of those creepy
little funerals.
78
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,770
No, no, no,
it's not that.
79
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,770
No, no, I just made
80
00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:14,280
the most extravagant
purchase of my life.
81
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,280
(whistles)
82
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,280
Whoa, Scarpacci...
83
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,280
Whoa, those are beauts.
84
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,280
Don't I know it.
85
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:24,290
I've been staring at them
in the store window for weeks.
86
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,290
Today I finally just...
87
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,790
finally broke
down and just...
88
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,290
just...
89
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:32,800
just bought them,
you know.
90
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,300
Cost me about 300 bucks,
91
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,300
but I think my little
piggies are worth it.
92
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,300
Are you sure they fit?
93
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:41,810
They look a little tight.
94
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,810
No, I just got to
break them in a little.
95
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,310
The salesman said...
96
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:52,820
the salesman said, you see,
fine leather stretches...
97
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:56,320
and then conforms
to your foot.
98
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,330
Oh, welcome back.
99
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,330
How was your weekend
with Wayne and Lois?
100
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,330
Oh, our little
locksmith friends?
101
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,330
Oh, lots of fun.
102
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:13,340
Did you know that the
Incas made their keys
103
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,340
out of donkey bones?
104
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:15,840
Oh, now, let me
get this straight.
105
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,840
Are you saying you spent
the whole weekend
106
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:18,840
talking about keys?
107
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,340
Pretty much, yeah, Fay.
108
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,350
I'm sorry,
I should have warned you.
109
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,350
The people you're with
on your honeymoon
110
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:26,850
are dull as dirt
once you get them back home.
111
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,850
Hey, how'd our baskets
do this weekend?
112
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,850
Oh, yeah, how much
money did we make?
113
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,860
Here we go.
114
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,360
Nine dollars?!
115
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,860
Well, I only sold one basket.
116
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,860
What happened
to all the rest of them?
117
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,870
Ask Captain Cholesterol.
118
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:47,370
Ladies and gentlemen...
119
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:50,370
we're about to begin
our final descent.
120
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,370
If you look out
121
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:52,880
the left side
of the cabin,
122
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,880
you'll notice
the famous
123
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,380
and historic
Nantucket Lighthouse.
124
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,880
And out the right side,
125
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,380
you'll see our
well-known whaling museum.
126
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:04,390
Now, directly below us,
you'll see the...
127
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,890
Oh, my God.
128
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:09,390
Oh, my God!
129
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,890
What? What?!
130
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,900
They closed
the Pizza Hut!
131
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:14,900
Damn!
132
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400
(passengers screaming)
133
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,910
(moaning)
134
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,920
Hey, how are you doing?
135
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,920
So, uh, how are
the new shoes
working out?
136
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,420
Just great!
137
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,930
Just great!
138
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:42,930
Worth every penny.
139
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:46,930
Like walking
on little foot clouds.
140
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,430
Yeah, I can tell.
141
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,430
They're starting to give.
142
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:54,440
Starting
to give you a stroke.
143
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,940
Hey, Antonio, are you ready?
144
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,940
Where are you two going?
145
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,440
Well, that interview for the
tourist board job is coming up
146
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,950
and I want to get to know
every inch of the island.
147
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,450
Antonio offered
to take me on a tour.
148
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,450
My cab is right out front.
149
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,450
Oh, no, you miss too
much when you drive.
150
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,950
We should walk.
151
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:11,950
Walk?
152
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:13,460
No, no, no.
153
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,960
Come on, it'll be fun.
154
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,460
(moaning)
155
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,960
Nice shoes, Antonio.
156
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,470
Yeah, and they're
very comfortable.
157
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:26,970
I can't believe
158
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,970
you almost lost control
of the plane
159
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,970
because you were
scarfing down a chicken leg.
160
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:33,980
I was hungry.
161
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,980
I hardly had any breakfast.
162
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,980
Those Grand Slams
aren't nearly as big
163
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,480
as they look in the picture.
164
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,990
Would you stop eating
for two minutes!
165
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,490
What is going on in here?
166
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,490
I can hear you guys
halfway across the terminal!
167
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,990
Look, Brian, you better
get it together, okay?
168
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,490
'Cause this is the last time
I'm going to cover your butt.
169
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:54,000
And, uh, you might want to eat
a salad every once in a while
170
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,500
or it's the last time anything's
going to cover your butt.
171
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,000
I can't believe he said that.
172
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,510
Like I have a big butt.
173
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,010
Don't take this
the wrong way, honey,
174
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,520
but you've got an ass
the size of Trigger's.
175
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,020
Brian, listen to me.
176
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,020
We need to talk.
177
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,030
I think you have
an eating problem.
178
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:27,030
That is ridiculous,
an eating problem.
179
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,530
Here are those pizzas
you ordered, sir.
180
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,540
I didn't order any pizzas.
181
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,540
Sure, you did, remember?
182
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:37,540
You told me if I was
back in 30 minutes,
183
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,040
there was an extra 50
in it for me.
184
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,540
No, Budd, you misunderstood.
185
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,050
I didn't order (mumbling).
186
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:45,050
What?
187
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:49,550
Oh, right.
188
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:53,060
I ordered them, not Brian.
189
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,060
Well, I guess
I'll just set my pizzas
190
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,060
here on the desk
in case I want them later.
191
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:02,570
Okay, I'll see you,
I'm going to get some lunch.
192
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:12,080
Brian, what is
happening to you?
193
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:13,080
I mean,
look at you.
194
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,080
You're wearing
fat clothes.
195
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,080
What, this?
196
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,580
I just threw this on
197
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,080
because I left my jeans
in the dryer
198
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,080
and they... shrunk.
199
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,590
Oh, that's fresh,
the dryer did it.
200
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,090
Don't you remember
who you're talking to?
201
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,090
This is "Helen, Helen,
the watermelon."
202
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:32,600
I've been there,
I know the signs.
203
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,600
I've had people
pick up food for me.
204
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,600
I've hidden snacks
around the house.
205
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,100
I even sent myself
a candy-gram.
206
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,100
You can do that?
207
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,110
Oh!
208
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,610
Do you hear yourself?!
209
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:47,110
You're out of control.
210
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,610
Brian, you need help.
211
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:50,110
Listen, Helen, Helen.
212
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,110
Come on, I appreciate
your concern,
213
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,120
but I'm fine.
214
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,120
Believe me, if I thought
I had a problem,
215
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,120
I'd be the first one
to cop to it.
216
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,630
I forgot my milk shakes.
217
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,640
I, uh... I guess
I really hit bottom
218
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,140
at my son's
sixth birthday party.
219
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,150
He and his little friends
were sitting
220
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,150
around the living room,
wondering,
221
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,150
"where's Daddy with the cake?"
222
00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:33,660
Well, I'll tell you
where Daddy was...
223
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,660
with the cake!
224
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,660
In the alley behind the house
225
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,670
with his face buried in
"Happy Birthday, Timmy."
226
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,170
I told him I was mugged, but...
227
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:52,170
he could tell I was lying
by the frosting on my neck.
228
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:56,180
God forgive me, I ate
my little boy's birthday cake.
229
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,680
(sobbing)
230
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:03,690
Thank you, Lester.
231
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,190
Hey, do they go
straight through
232
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,690
or do they break
for a snack?
233
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,690
My goodness!
234
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:14,200
Could that be Helen Chappel?
235
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,700
We haven't seen you
236
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,700
in Lord knows how long.
237
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,200
Come on up,
tell us how you've been.
238
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,210
Okay.
239
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:24,210
Hey.
240
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,210
Um, gosh,
241
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,210
it's hard to believe
242
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,210
how my life has turned around
243
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:32,210
since I first came
to Eat-aholics.
244
00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:34,720
Well, I guess
the most important thing is
245
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,720
I lost 68 pounds
and I kept it off.
246
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,730
Let's see, um... what else
is happening in my life?
247
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:46,730
I have my own business now,
and I'm doing very well.
248
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,230
(applauding less
enthusiastically)
249
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,240
And... well, best of all,
250
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,240
a few months ago,
251
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,240
I married
my childhood sweetheart,
252
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,740
the man of my dreams,
253
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,740
and I have never been happier.
254
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:01,740
WOMAN:
Oh, who cares?!
255
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,250
MAN:
Yeah, give somebody
else a chance!
256
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,750
We're all thrilled
to pieces for you, Helen.
257
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,250
Now sit down.
258
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,260
Oh! Uh, I see
259
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:17,260
we have a new face
with us tonight.
260
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,760
Would you like
to come up
261
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,760
and tell us a little bit
about yourself?
262
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,760
Uh, who, m-me?
263
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,270
No, I don't think so.
264
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:26,770
Please. It always helps
to talk about the problem.
265
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,770
But I-I don't have
"the problem."
266
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:30,770
Yes, you have
the problem.
267
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,280
Now get up there
and talk about it.
268
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,780
Well, all right,
I mean...
269
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,780
I don't have anything to say.
270
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,280
I don't belong here.
271
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,780
All right,
I'm not a eat-aholic.
272
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,790
The only reason
I came here
273
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:44,790
is because Helen made me.
274
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:47,790
I mean, y-you're all here
for a reason--
275
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,790
obviously, uh, something
happened in your lives,
276
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,800
and instead of facing up to it,
277
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,800
you ate a sheet cake!
278
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,300
Well, thank you, Brian.
279
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,300
And we appreciate...
280
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,810
I mean, what do you
want me to say?
281
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:04,810
What do you
want me to say?
282
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:07,810
My life, my life is terrific.
It's terrific.
283
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,810
I got a cool job.
284
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,310
I'm working with my brother,
285
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:13,820
who, by the way, happens to be
the one that married Helen.
286
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,820
Uh, nothing, nothing's changed.
287
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,320
Nothing's changed.
288
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,820
Okay, okay, so...
289
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:19,820
(chuckles)
290
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,330
so, Joe and I don't hang out...
291
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,330
as much as we used to.
292
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:25,330
All right.
293
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,830
Oh, and, and, okay,
294
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:30,830
so, so, we don't watch
all-night Stooges
295
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:32,840
the way we used to.
296
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:35,840
And okay, so...
297
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,340
so Joe didn't come with me
to the Mud Bowl this year.
298
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,340
He's a married man.
299
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:42,850
What do you expect?
300
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:43,850
Life goes on!
301
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:44,850
You deal with it.
302
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:45,850
Exactly.
303
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:47,350
And thank you
again...
304
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,850
I mean, I know
what you're thinking.
305
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:52,360
Let me just
set the record straight.
306
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:53,860
You're wrong!
307
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,860
I don't feel left out,
308
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,860
I don't feel rejected,
309
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,860
I don't feel alone.
310
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:02,370
I'm Brian Hackett!
311
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,370
And I don't need anyone.
312
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,370
I fly solo.
313
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,370
Soup for one.
314
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,880
By myself and loving it!
315
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:17,380
So, save your sympathy
for somebody who needs it.
316
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,380
I'm doing great!
317
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,390
See?
318
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:28,390
I told you,
I had nothing to say.
319
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,890
Uh, excuse me.
320
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:31,390
I have to leave.
321
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:33,400
My sister's getting married
tomorrow
322
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,900
and I have to pick up the cake.
323
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:48,410
(laughing)
324
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:52,420
(knocking on door)
325
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:53,920
Oh!
326
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,420
(knocking on door)
327
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,920
Yes?
328
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,420
Hi. I'm Casey Davenport.
329
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,420
I'm here for the interview.
330
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,430
Oh, right.
331
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,930
I would just like to say,
332
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:07,430
I am very excited
about this job.
333
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,430
Uh-huh. Resume?
334
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:10,930
Oh, uh...
335
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:13,940
As you can see,
336
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,440
I've had quite
a bit of experience
337
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:16,940
in the tourism field.
338
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:17,940
My ex-husband and I
339
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,940
used to travel the continent
quite extensively
340
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:21,440
and I made all the arrangements.
341
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,450
You took vacations
with your husband. So?
342
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:27,950
Well, they were very
complex travel arrangements.
343
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:31,950
Stuart was very picky,
and was allergic to everything.
344
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:35,460
You just try finding
Sudafed in Budapest.
345
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:37,960
Thank you.
346
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,970
CURLY:
Whoo, whoo, whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo...
347
00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:43,970
(laughing)
348
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,970
Oh!
349
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,470
That's the Three Stooges,
isn't it?
350
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,970
Yeah.
351
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,970
You like Stooges?
352
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:51,970
You kidding?
353
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:52,980
I love Stooges!
354
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,980
Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp--
355
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,980
you know, funny, funny Shemp.
356
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:00,480
I love Shemp.
357
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,490
And let's not forget Joe Besser,
358
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,990
although scholars debate whether
he was an actual stooge.
359
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,490
I know.
360
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,490
I was on a panel once.
361
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:11,990
Well, there you go.
362
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:15,000
You know, it's a rare treat
363
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,000
to meet a woman
who likes the Stooges.
364
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,000
You want to sit
down and watch?
365
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,000
I'd love to.
366
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,010
(pretending
to laugh)
367
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,010
Oh...
368
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:34,520
(blowing a raspberry)
369
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:52,030
Oh, Antonio,
what on earth is the matter?
370
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:54,540
What do you think
is the matter?
371
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:58,040
My feet are on fire.
372
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,040
These freakin' shoes...
373
00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,550
made my feet swell so much,
374
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:08,550
I haven't been able
to take the shoes off
375
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,050
for two days.
376
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:13,060
Well, you know,
they say that fine leather
377
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:14,560
has to stretch
and conform...
378
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,060
Lies!
379
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,060
Lies...
380
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:23,070
I paid a fortune
for these shoes.
381
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:26,570
They're, they're
just ruining my life.
382
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:30,070
I have a
splitting headache...
383
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,070
double vision...
384
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:41,080
got this little, little
blue line running up my leg.
385
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,090
That can't be good.
386
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,090
Oh, it's a shame,
they're so stylish.
387
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,090
They really
make you look sexy.
388
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,100
Sexy?
389
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,600
Really?
390
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,110
Maybe I'll give them
a couple more days.
391
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,120
Hey.
392
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,620
Hey.
393
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:23,630
What's that?
394
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,630
Got something
for you.
395
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,140
"Stooges, Stooges, Stooges:
396
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:39,640
A collection of nyucks
from the Three Stooges."
397
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,140
Yeah.
398
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,650
I thought maybe, uh,
if you're not busy later,
399
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,150
we could get together
and watch them.
400
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,150
Helen told you about the meeting
last night, huh?
401
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:50,150
Uh, yeah, she might have
mentioned something
402
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,150
about you having
a small breakdown
403
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:54,160
in front of some large people.
404
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,160
Listen, Joe, uh...
405
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,160
that was nothing, okay?
406
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,160
Had a small eating problem,
but I talked it out
407
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,670
and I'm feeling
much better now.
408
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:08,670
Hey, uh, Brian,
I, uh, wanted to tell you...
409
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:12,670
My Chinese food is here.
410
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,680
Look, Brian, I think I know
what this is about, all right?
411
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,680
I'm sorry that I
canceled the Mud Bowl
412
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,190
and I'm sorry that
I haven't been
413
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,190
hanging out with you
as much as I used...
414
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:28,190
Hey, hey, hey,
I understand, I understand.
415
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,690
You're a married man now.
416
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:32,690
Now, wa-wa-wait a minute,
let me understand this.
417
00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:34,700
Are you angry at me
because I got married?
418
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,700
Of course not.
419
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,200
All right, maybe I am.
420
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,200
Well, Brian...
No, no, no.
421
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,210
Listen, I know it's crazy,
I know it's crazy, okay?
422
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:46,710
But when you and Helen
got married,
423
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,210
something happened,
something changed.
424
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,210
I used to be...
425
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:52,720
I used to be
the person in your life
426
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:54,220
that was closest to you.
427
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,220
When they said
"the Hacketts"
428
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:59,220
that meant us, and now they're
talking about you and Helen.
429
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,720
And don't get me wrong, that's
the way it should be, but...
430
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:03,230
where does it leave me,
you know?
431
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:06,730
Look, you know, I can
see how you feel
a little left out,
432
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,230
but what do you
want me to do--
433
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,230
divorce Helen, so I can
spend more time with you?
434
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,740
Would you?
435
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,240
Okay, I, that's...
436
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,740
Of course
I don't want you to do that.
437
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,740
You know I'm happy
for you, Joey.
438
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:23,250
I really am.
439
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:24,750
I guess I'm just
a little afraid
440
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:29,250
that I... I won't be able to
find the same kind of happiness.
441
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,250
Excuse me, Brian,
but, you know,
442
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,760
you have dated a lot
of incredible women.
443
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:34,760
You're the one that always
runs the other way.
444
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,260
Right, but that's because
I could never be sure
445
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,760
if any one of them
was the right one for me.
446
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,260
You're lucky.
447
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:45,270
You and Helen have been doing
the childhood sweetheart thing
448
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:47,270
for... forever.
449
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,270
You always knew it was right.
450
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:52,270
Even when you hated each other,
you loved each other.
451
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:54,780
I guess I am lucky.
452
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:58,280
You have your whole
lifetimes ahead of you.
453
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,780
Your future is set.
454
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,290
Yeah, yeah, I guess it is.
455
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:05,790
And what do I have
to look forward to?
456
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:07,790
I mean, jumping from one woman
457
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,790
to the next
to the next to the next.
458
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:14,300
Moving from one meaningless
sexual encounter to another...
459
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,300
while all the time,
460
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,800
you're home with Helen--
461
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,300
day in, day out,
462
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,810
for the next 50 years.
463
00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:32,310
Yeah, 50 years.
464
00:20:32,310 --> 00:20:34,820
No matter where you go
or what you do,
465
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,320
Helen will be right there
next to you
466
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,820
every day for
the rest of your life.
467
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,330
Yeah, every day.
468
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:46,330
You got any duck sauce?
469
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:49,330
And where will I be, huh?
470
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:53,840
Yeah, I'll probably
be some, uh, old codger
471
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,840
with a 20 year old on his arm.
472
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,340
Yeah, just my luck,
473
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,840
I'll probably die
of a heart attack during sex,
474
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,840
while you
475
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,350
and old, reliable Helen
476
00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:07,350
will be sitting there
on your porch,
477
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:12,350
rocking back and forth,
back and forth...
478
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,860
You didn't get any spare ribs?
479
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:16,360
Joey, uh...
480
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,860
I got to admit it,
481
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:21,360
I was a little afraid
to talk to you about all this,
482
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:23,370
but, uh...
483
00:21:23,370 --> 00:21:25,370
well, why should I have worried?
484
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:29,870
I can talk to you
about anything, always could.
485
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:32,870
I don't know why
I felt so alone.
486
00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:34,380
Thanks.
487
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:35,380
Don't mention it.
488
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:37,380
Oh, pot stickers.
489
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:38,880
I'll see you later.
490
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,380
Where are you going?
491
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:41,380
Where do you think?
492
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:42,380
I'm going to go to
the gym, you know?
493
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:43,390
You want to come with me?
494
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:44,390
No, no.
495
00:21:44,890 --> 00:21:46,390
I got a lot of paperwork to do.
496
00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:47,390
Hey, Brian, by the way.
497
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,890
That's a nice outfit.
498
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:53,400
Where can I get
something like that?
499
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,410
(chuckling)
500
00:22:03,910 --> 00:22:07,910
(silly music plays)
501
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:09,910
So, uh...
502
00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:11,910
Congratulations,
the job is yours.
503
00:22:12,410 --> 00:22:14,420
Thank you.
504
00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:15,420
And you'll be here
505
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:16,920
Monday morning, 8:00 sharp?
506
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:17,920
Sure will.
507
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,420
What was that?
508
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:20,920
I mean...
509
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,920
(imitating Stooge):
Why, soitainly!
34831
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