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1
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,510
At this moment,
a father and daughter...
2
00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:13,804
...were on a camel trip
across the Rub al Khali...
3
00:00:13,971 --> 00:00:16,390
...the 600-mile-long body of sand...
4
00:00:16,557 --> 00:00:21,896
...in the vast, harsh wilderness
known as the Arabian Desert.
5
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:25,858
In truth, young Chuck should have
been floating on a sea of dreams...
6
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,736
...but at 8 years,
8 months, 21 days old...
7
00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:32,156
...she was kept awake
by the varicella-zoster virus...
8
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:35,076
...also known as chickenpox.
9
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,328
Her father, Charles Charles...
10
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:39,914
...hoped this magical journey
was the antidote...
11
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,833
...to his daughter's discomfort.
12
00:00:41,999 --> 00:00:44,043
Indeed, it eased the girl's itch...
13
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,713
...and replaced it
with a burning desire for adventure:
14
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,884
Adventures her father promised
to take her on someday.
15
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:55,930
Sadly, someday's adventures
would never come...
16
00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:59,392
...for in a month,
Charles Charles would die...
17
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:03,938
...and young Chuck would learn
the sad lesson that, try as one might...
18
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:07,275
...one can never recapture
what once was...
19
00:01:07,441 --> 00:01:11,279
...until Charlotte Charles
would again have her father.
20
00:01:11,487 --> 00:01:13,281
- Hello.
- Only, having him back...
21
00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:15,449
...meant lying
to the Pie-Maker she loved.
22
00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:18,286
When Ned touches you, you play dead.
23
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,956
Say, you got a squatter
in your old digs over there?
24
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,499
Hmm?
25
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,294
Chuck?
26
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,548
- I was worried. I thought-
Charlotte?
27
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:34,302
- It's okay, Dad.
- "Dad"?
28
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,141
You kept your father alive.
29
00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:44,228
This looks bad.
It is bad. It's horribly bad.
30
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:48,149
It can't be that bad. Not like
I'm the first ghost he's ever seen.
31
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,400
Please say something.
32
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:52,153
He's up here.
Lily?
33
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,988
Come on.
- Dad, quick.
34
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,281
No! Get out!
35
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,658
Lily, Vivian, is that you?
36
00:01:57,825 --> 00:02:00,453
You know good and well
who we are...
37
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:05,333
...and we are spitting pissed at being
served up a steaming plate of door.
38
00:02:05,541 --> 00:02:08,503
I don't get pissed. A gypsy told me
it brings on hemorrhoids.
39
00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:12,256
- Why can't I just go out and talk to her?
- Shh. No. After you were gone...
40
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:15,343
...Lily and Vivian moved
into our old house to look after me.
41
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,930
- They can't know we're alive again.
- They're your aunts, button-button.
42
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,682
Except one of them is my mother.
43
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,853
So you know?
44
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:31,317
And you're okay?
45
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:33,611
Yeah?
46
00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,988
Can we get back
to your rude reception?
47
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:38,991
- I thought you were invaders.
- Why did you say my name?
48
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:40,201
- I didn't.
- I heard it.
49
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,037
- Must've been your bad eye- Ears.
VIVlAN: You came over...
50
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,873
...and didn't resurface,
Lily assumed the worst.
51
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,708
And brought two barrels of backup.
52
00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,627
Hey, no squatters.
No anyone. Let's all go home.
53
00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:52,505
- What was that?
- That was me.
54
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,889
No!
55
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:04,058
Ugh. Oh!
56
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,852
Get it away!
57
00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:09,647
- No, no.
- It's all right.
58
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:14,902
Lily's been petrified of clowns since our
grandpapa chased her with one of those.
59
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:19,198
It was Charlotte Charles
whose strategic placement of the toy...
60
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,243
...prevented her mother
from strong-arming her way...
61
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,203
...further into the closet.
62
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,672
We need to talk.
63
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:38,009
You don't wanna hear
what I have to say.
64
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:42,764
A low-pressure system
moving in from the coast...
65
00:03:42,930 --> 00:03:46,100
...threatened Papen County
with its first winter storm...
66
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:51,064
...but for the Pie-Maker and Chuck,
it was as if the tempest had already hit.
67
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,691
If I were thinking clearer, I'd...
68
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,902
I'd give you space
to process everything...
69
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,279
...but I haven't slept
since all this happened.
70
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,948
Since I made it happen.
71
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,951
If your dad's alive,
someone else had to die.
72
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,746
- Who was it?
- Dwight Dixon.
73
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,582
We found him
with a rifle in the cemetery.
74
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,792
What?
75
00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:14,379
Emerson thinks that he was planning
on killing both you and me...
76
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:17,298
- ... the night we re-alived my dad.
- Emerson knows?
77
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:23,721
He helped me bury Dwight
in my dad's empty grave.
78
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,973
He wanted me to tell you,
but I begged him:
79
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,768
"Please, just wait
until I know what to say"...
80
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,772
...and then you found me first.
81
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:36,317
- What would've happened if I didn't?
- I'd have brought you up here...
82
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,778
...and told you
that I was reckless and selfish.
83
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,321
Yes, you were.
84
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,325
I can say I'm sorry for deceiving you.
I will say that forever...
85
00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:47,078
...but I can't say
that I'm sorry my dad's alive...
86
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,413
...because I'm not.
87
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:51,666
It is so overwhelming,
and I am so grateful.
88
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,293
I don't know how to explain it.
89
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,338
You acted on an impulse
so poignant and deep....
90
00:04:57,505 --> 00:05:00,842
I know what it feels like.
I felt it with you.
91
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,345
And I'll never be sorry I did it, either.
92
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:18,484
- I'll let you breathe in a minute. Promise.
- I'm good.
93
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:20,862
So, what's next?
94
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,365
The reality is your dad's back.
95
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:27,035
In swaddling bandages,
but he's back...
96
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:32,165
...and if we're gonna be one big
happy-albeit-unconventional family...
97
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:36,169
- ... there's a lot we need to discuss.
- I've already covered first touch: life...
98
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,047
...second: death.
Digby and I: only other alive-agains...
99
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,132
...to be alive longer than a minute.
100
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:45,636
Then that leaves figuring out
what to do with your dad.
101
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,805
The only way
we can do that is together.
102
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,266
- Are we together?
- Mm.
103
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:55,063
We're so gethered,
electrons couldn't get between us.
104
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:56,814
You're beaming.
105
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,278
I'm not the only one.
106
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,073
What is that?
107
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:11,079
The body of Nora McQuoddy
was what that was.
108
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:15,917
Mere moments earlier, the meticulous
Papen Harbor lighthouse keeper...
109
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:20,338
...obsessing over a stubborn smudge,
would make a fatal mistake...
110
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,926
...because what Nora didn't notice
was her killer...
111
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:31,724
...who wanted everyone to notice her.
112
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:36,938
- coroner's office.
113
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,356
At this time, the prime suspect...
114
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,609
...seen fleeing from the scene
in a yellow fisherman's jacket...
115
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,612
...has been identified
as the lighthouse keeper's husband...
116
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,030
...Merle McQuoddy.
117
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,449
That's some shady shadow puppet.
118
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,286
Merle McQuoddy.
119
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:54,289
Out of all the enigmatic, esoteric
local ghost stories...
120
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,791
...his is my absolute fave.
121
00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:01,129
Merle McQuoddy was a salty sailor
who left his lighthouse-keeper wife...
122
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:04,424
...and young child
on a fishing voyage 10 years ago...
123
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:08,761
...only to vanish without a trace.
Bum-ba-buh-bah.
124
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:14,225
Mariners swear his ghost
haunts the sea caves by the harbor...
125
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,561
...and when the lighthouse shines...
126
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,230
...you can hear his ghoulish moans...
127
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:23,985
...as he cries out for someone,
anyone, to guide him home, and-
128
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,236
- Boo!
- Aah!
129
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,489
Booed you.
130
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:32,285
In actual fact, the facts were these:
131
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,622
Merle McQuoddy did indeed
leave his wife and child...
132
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,583
...on a voyage 10 years ago.
133
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:43,463
His boat, the Knockout Nora,
was loaded down with Dungeness...
134
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:49,844
...when it was knocked out
by the Category 5 Typhoon Tyrone.
135
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,764
For nine years,
11 months and five days...
136
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,016
...the presumed ghost,
Merle McQuoddy...
137
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:59,687
...was very much alive and alone
on a deserted island.
138
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,023
All the while, Nora kept watch...
139
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,109
...praying that one day,
her husband would come home...
140
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:08,446
...and life would return
to the way it once was.
141
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:12,367
After a near-decade of waiting,
her prayers were answered...
142
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:16,412
...when Merle was rescued
by a gay family cruise ship.
143
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,876
But Merle McQuoddy
was not the man he used to be.
144
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,212
He'd roam the beaches at midnight...
145
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,547
...flew into rages,
shunned indoor plumbing...
146
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,551
...and now
he's a murderer at large, and-
147
00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:42,605
Mr. Cod?
I was told I could find you here.
148
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,106
My name is Elliot McQuoddy.
149
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:47,818
Elliot McQuoddy?
Son of urban legend Merle McQuoddy.
150
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:51,489
Please, you have to clear my father
of my mother's murder.
151
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,662
My entire life savings.
152
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:01,957
Everything I ever found combing
the shore with my metal detector.
153
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:06,670
By all means, bring me up to tempo
on what happened tonight.
154
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,506
Mom dropped me off at the movies...
155
00:09:08,672 --> 00:09:10,800
...with a batch
of homemade peanut brittle.
156
00:09:10,966 --> 00:09:13,969
Afterwards, when I didn't see
the minivan, I walked home.
157
00:09:14,678 --> 00:09:16,055
Cops were everywhere.
158
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:20,226
They told me she was dead,
and Dad was nowhere to be found.
159
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,687
Want it � la mode?
The power's out.
160
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,481
The ice cream
won't be so much ice as cream soon.
161
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,233
Lots and lots, please.
162
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,361
Who knows when I'll get another meal
without Mom to make it.
163
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,987
Oh, you poor boy.
164
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,032
There, there.
165
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,827
Not here, here.
166
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,370
Sorry, kid.
167
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,748
Eyewitnesses say they saw
Merle McQuoddy running from the scene.
168
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:46,877
All they saw was a yellow raincoat.
There's no way he'd hurt my mother.
169
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:51,048
After 10 years of waiting,
our family was finally reunited.
170
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:54,885
I don't know where my dad is,
and even if I find him...
171
00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:57,263
...they'll take him away.
172
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,181
Excuse me.
173
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,726
Well, hate to be a bitch...
174
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,520
...but ain't no way in the world
I'm taking this case.
175
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,188
You think Merle murdered Nora?
176
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:09,066
Merle McQuoddy's ship returned
minus a few oars...
177
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,569
...making it an easy leap
from captain to killer.
178
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,238
Nothing this kid had to say
makes me think otherwise.
179
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,240
Plus, I don't work in the rain.
180
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:20,202
- You don't hate being a bitch that much.
- I'll kick you my third of the cut...
181
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,955
...and if you're doing
my third of the work...
182
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,751
...I'm gonna take a personal day
to deal with personal...
183
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,836
...persons.
184
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:31,797
Well...
185
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,719
...look like Papa's gonna need
a new raincoat...
186
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:41,432
...and leather conditioner.
You see this water damage?
187
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,268
- These wingtips were custom cobbled.
- Can we hurry?
188
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,980
I'm supposed to see Chuck's father.
I want a welcome-back-to-life gift.
189
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:51,567
Oh, I got the perfect gift:
tap Dad back to the grave.
190
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,403
- Why would you say that?
- You're in over your head.
191
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,156
You can put a leash on a dog.
You know why? It's a dog.
192
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,743
But you can't put one on a war veteran
that was cut down in his prime.
193
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,662
Before long, he's gonna break free...
194
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:06,415
...and he'll be running the streets,
telling the world what you can do.
195
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,626
Tap that.
196
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:12,463
This is Chuck's chance
at having a family again. I can't...
197
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,090
..."tap that. "
198
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,008
So make it look like an accident.
199
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,511
Trip over an ottoman
and Dick Van Dyke that ass.
200
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:21,681
Fine, I said my piece.
201
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,642
Let's get face to face
with Lighthouse Lady.
202
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,310
Whoa!
203
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,771
What happened to her face?
She's been effaced.
204
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,485
Nora McQuoddy,
present conditions are cold, rainy...
205
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,821
...with a 100 percent chance
of "you're dead. "
206
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,948
We're hoping that you can tell us
who killed you.
207
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,994
Oh, hell. We got a melty mouth.
208
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:47,039
- "Yes" or "no" questions, then.
- She can't nod. How can she nod?
209
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,291
What is that tapping?
210
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:53,045
I don't think she's tapping.
I think she's talking in Morse code.
211
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,341
- You know Morse code?
- Charles taught it to Chuck and me...
212
00:11:57,508 --> 00:12:00,845
...so we could communicate from
our bedroom windows with flashlights.
213
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,514
Mrs. McQuoddy,
who committed your murder?
214
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:08,519
P, C, H, S.
215
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,731
Is that all?
216
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,150
Time's up.
217
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,360
P- C-H-S.
218
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,696
Pick-iss.
219
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:21,324
Pakiss.
220
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:23,993
Peaches.
221
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,704
It's an acronym, fool.
222
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,498
Papen County Historical Society.
223
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:32,209
An old lighthouse like Nora's?
Bound to have interest.
224
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,879
"Peaches. "
225
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,718
- What are you doing here?
- Finding you two, which was a cinch...
226
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,180
...because I'm such an ace
junior PI in-training.
227
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,350
Look what Mama got Papa.
228
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,937
I bought one for you too, Ned,
heh-heh-heh...
229
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,855
...and one for me too, of course...
230
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:56,234
...because together,
we're a crime-fighting team.
231
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,777
What do you say, Papa?
232
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,863
Uh, I think you and Papa
are gonna have a grand old time...
233
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:05,243
...while I take care of a thing.
234
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,206
- But-
- Hey, Mood-Swing Sally...
235
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,582
...anchors aweigh.
236
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,545
Dad, are you sure
you don't want pie?
237
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,714
Thanks, button, but I'll have cake.
238
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,384
Since when do you eat pie?
You hate pie.
239
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:22,760
What?
240
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,097
Well, this is the one that won me over.
241
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:29,267
So no cake? At all? Oh, well.
242
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:33,104
But let's not worry about pie.
243
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,941
This family
has bigger things to discuss.
244
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,568
To that end....
245
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,406
"Move Mr. Charles from Ned's childhood
home to Ned's apartment. "
246
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:47,159
You killed a tree for this?
I'm happy as a clam right here.
247
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,287
The problem is,
Lily and Vivian are here.
248
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,622
For a couple of agoraphobes,
they get around.
249
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,749
We can't risk them discovering you...
250
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,252
...thereby discovering the truth
about all of us.
251
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,421
From there, it's a hop,
skip and a jump...
252
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:01,424
...to angry mobs
with pitchforks and torches and....
253
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:05,011
If I bunk with you, you'd kill me again
just by passing the pepper.
254
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,138
There are safeguards already in place.
255
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,099
Truth be told, you touching me
doesn't scare me as much...
256
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,768
...as the thought of you
doing that to my daughter.
257
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,687
Sir, I could never hurt Chuck.
258
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:18,107
Sure you could, Deadly Nedly.
You could forget she's behind you...
259
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,943
...and stop to tie your shoe,
or trip over a newspaper.
260
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,862
No number of redundant precautions...
261
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,823
...can assure you won't
inadvertently kill her for good...
262
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:29,994
...unless you're not in the same vicinity,
which is why we're gonna make a deal.
263
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,996
I go quietly and play by your rules...
264
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:37,001
...and you never see Charlotte again.
265
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,510
The first family of Papen County.
266
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,095
Bunch of blond-over-blue
Children of the Corn.
267
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,598
Which one we gonna grill first?
268
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:53,601
Gus, the Rosemary Kennedy
of the clan.
269
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:57,396
Brothers one through four run the
family's commercial real-estate empire...
270
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:02,360
...and South Asian call centers.
All he got was the Historical Society.
271
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,448
Ah.
272
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,451
Olive Snook?
- Mr. Papen.
273
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,663
Welcome to The Pie Hole.
Did you get my application...
274
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:16,916
...to declare our wonderful establishment
a historical monument?
275
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:21,087
That application was denied the moment
you destroyed an exemplary specimen...
276
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,297
...of beaux-arts architecture...
277
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,175
...with the addition
of a stucco-crust overhang.
278
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:28,594
Told you. Well,
since you're already here...
279
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,556
...you mind answering a few questions
about Nora McQuoddy?
280
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,724
Have they found
the bloodthirsty husband?
281
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,560
Merle? No.
282
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,688
But what is Nora's connection
to the P.C.H.S.?
283
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:42,525
With her husband lost at sea, Nora
couldn't afford the lighthouse upkeep.
284
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:46,612
I used my family influence to declare it
a protected historic monument.
285
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,658
I appointed the McQuoddys its guardian
until the family line dies out...
286
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:54,120
...or the sun swallows the Earth
in a solar flare, killing us all.
287
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,914
That means Elliot's in charge
of the lighthouse now.
288
00:15:57,081 --> 00:16:00,543
Other than that,
I didn't really know Nora.
289
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,421
If you wanna learn more,
talk to Annabelle Vandersloop.
290
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,299
They volunteered together
in the diorama exhibit.
291
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,427
Such a depressing word, "diorama. "
292
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,512
It has "die" in it.
293
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,891
I like "rama. "
294
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:22,440
Okay, so this is so we can keep
in constant contact in the present...
295
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:28,821
...and this is so you can
regain contact with your past.
296
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,786
Well, I'll be...
297
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,079
Thank you, button.
298
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,081
Um....
299
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:42,126
Right, well, I'll leave you to settle in.
300
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:48,508
Digby, come on.
301
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,984
- There's milk.
- You didn't have to go to all that trouble.
302
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:10,613
I wanted to. It's a huge adjustment.
303
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,783
Big of you, kid. We won't get anywhere
without teamwork.
304
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:18,246
That's a perfect segue
to our playbook.
305
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,793
Everything that pertains
to the lifestyle...
306
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,547
- ... with your particular situation-
- You mean my corpse face?
307
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,008
- corpse face taken into consideration.
308
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,680
In short, stay inside with the door locked
and the curtains drawn.
309
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:38,558
Deliveries are verboten.
Telephone use is unrestricted...
310
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,394
...as long as you choose
from the list of aliases...
311
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,312
...when communicating
with the world.
312
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,899
For the first month,
I would recommend wearing latex gloves.
313
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,401
Already got gloves on.
314
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,570
No harm in double-bagging it, eh?
315
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,367
Sir, I'm really trying here.
316
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,661
Instead of buttering me up...
317
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:01,372
...why don't we deal
with the elephant in the room?
318
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,583
You killed me.
319
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,878
I knew your parents. You were
raised right. How about an apology?
320
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,129
I'm sorry.
321
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,590
"All's forgiven"
is gonna be a long time coming.
322
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,592
You need to respect that.
323
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,260
All right?
324
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:18,056
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got a bunch of reading to do.
325
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,143
While Charles Charles was reading...
326
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,104
...Olive Snook and
the private investigator were listening...
327
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,815
...to one Annabelle Vandersloop.
328
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,609
- Nora and I were best friends.
- Mm-hm.
329
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,570
We met through
the Notable Widows of Papen County.
330
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:35,782
We pay tribute to our notable husbands'
notable deaths...
331
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,993
...through the miniature medium
of diorama.
332
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,371
I love dioramas.
How could I get involved?
333
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:45,541
- Are you a widow? Oh.
- No. Unfortunately, I'm single...
334
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:48,711
...but I do have a beloved horse
who bought the farm.
335
00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:53,049
- I could dioram that.
- Sorry. Expired spouses only.
336
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:56,594
For example, my late husband...
337
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,597
...munitions manufacturer
Adolph Vandersloop...
338
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,932
...went out with a bang.
339
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,975
An errant Fourth of July rocket...
340
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:07,563
...flew into an open window
while he was taking inventory.
341
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:08,898
OLIVE:
Oh.
342
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:18,074
One can never add enough glitter
to a husband's memory.
343
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,535
Ms. Snook,
do you see how your pony death...
344
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:23,830
...might make a mockery
of our legitimate efforts?
345
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,541
Do you see how you have cotton balls
stuck to your ass?
346
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,751
Oh, I was looking for those.
347
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,169
Well, I'm looking for something:
348
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,839
Information on whether
Nora McQuoddy's husband...
349
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,674
...made himself a notable widower.
350
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,135
I was with sweet Nora
when she heard the news...
351
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,762
...that the homosexual boat
had rescued Merle.
352
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:45,643
Can you imagine the joy of starting over
with a husband you thought you'd lost?
353
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,395
No, you can't.
354
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,939
Well, anyway,
Nora was the first to admit...
355
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,942
...she was an overprotective mother,
but with Merle home...
356
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,319
...and Elliot so desperate
to bond with him...
357
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,739
...it quickly became two against one.
358
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:00,366
- She finally had to put her foot down.
- On what?
359
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:04,871
Crazy things, like, you know,
father-son sailing trips around the world.
360
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,165
She absolutely forbade it...
361
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:09,334
...and I guess
that was the final straw...
362
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,795
...before Merle snapped, killed her,
and went AWOL.
363
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:18,092
Ugh. Sometimes I just think to myself,
"Life. You can't make this crap up. "
364
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,261
Yeah, well, thanks for your time.
365
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,430
- Thank you, thank you. Oh.
- Thank you.
366
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,266
Oh.
367
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,230
Speaking of crap,
Elliot seems to be full of it.
368
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,734
We met a heartbroken mama's boy
who never mentioned feuds with Mama.
369
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:38,154
- What gives?
- That's just what we gonna ask him.
370
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:46,079
Don't bother signing in.
The open house is off.
371
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,415
- Who are you?
- Willie Gerkin, Smiley Realty.
372
00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:51,668
Aww. You lost your smile, pickle.
373
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,630
I thought it was too good to be true.
This lighthouse lands in my lap...
374
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,840
...and now I find out I can't sell it...
375
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,677
...because it's a protected
historical monument!
376
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:04,305
This is so not the way
The Secret is supposed to work.
377
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,683
- Where's the owner?
- Elliot?
378
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,476
That little bowl cut split...
379
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:11,688
...but not before I advanced him
10 grand against the sale.
380
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:14,691
He and his father were going
out of town and needed cash.
381
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,609
- Is that legal?
- How should I know?
382
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,569
I just got my license.
383
00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:19,862
Screw it.
384
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:23,866
I'm going back to personal training,
where there's respect.
385
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:26,703
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
386
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,789
Hey, try this on for size.
387
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,292
So Merle kills Nora...
388
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:37,922
...and then Elliot hires me
to take the suspicion off Merle.
389
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:40,967
And then Elliot goes
and gets the funds so they can take...
390
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:44,887
- ... their little father-and-son trip.
- But if they did score a sloop...
391
00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:48,391
...there's no way they're taking it out
in this. They must be hiding.
392
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:49,726
Let's smoke them out.
393
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:54,480
I can't believe you got me
working in this downpour.
394
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:56,649
What's up with that anyway,
rain hater?
395
00:21:56,816 --> 00:22:00,486
I mean, I'd get it if you were a cat,
or had hair.
396
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,488
Or got dumped.
397
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:10,163
Back in the day, my ex and I used to
hole up with a bottle of brandy...
398
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:14,167
...and some tomato soup, and we
wouldn't come out until the sun did.
399
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:18,504
Now whenever the drops fall...
400
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:23,468
...it reminds me of everything I lost
and ain't gonna get back. Happy?
401
00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,094
Let's wait it out here a bit.
402
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:27,639
I've always wanted to see this place...
403
00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:32,435
...but you can't get much of a feel for it
trying to peek inside.
404
00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:37,607
Are you trying to give me
the heebie-jeebies or something?
405
00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:40,777
Or a theory as to where
the murderous McQuoddys are holed up.
406
00:22:40,944 --> 00:22:44,822
Remember the sea caves Merle's ghost
supposedly haunted with his howls?
407
00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:48,117
There's nothing haunted about them.
The sound is when the wind...
408
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,954
...rushes in off the water.
Kind of like:
409
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,208
Elliot knows those caves
like the back of his hand.
410
00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:58,336
Yeah, well, if he's in there,
he's gonna get the back of mine.
411
00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,463
Ha-ha-ha. Boo-yah! Let's go.
412
00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:05,802
Sugars have been re-sugared,
creamers have been re-creamed.
413
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:09,806
Is there anything else to do before
I head to the store? Dad gave me a list.
414
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:14,894
Um, slippers, mouthwash,
and the last 20 years of my life back.
415
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:18,731
- He's so funny.
- Hilarious. Bad enough we can't touch.
416
00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:21,484
Now I'm not allowed to see you.
How is that possible?
417
00:23:21,651 --> 00:23:24,737
We don't have to stop seeing
each other. Just when Dad's around.
418
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:28,241
Which is limited to your apartment.
He can't go anywhere else.
419
00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:31,995
I'm not embarrassed to say I'm scared
of your father. Petrified, actually.
420
00:23:32,161 --> 00:23:34,455
And- Stop smiling.
421
00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:38,418
I can't help it. Something's happening
I never thought would happen.
422
00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:41,087
- My dad's torturing my first boyfriend.
- Yay.
423
00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:44,632
Exactly. We get to be the teenagers
we never thought we'd get to be.
424
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:49,053
You were locked up in boarding school.
I was shut up with my shut-in aunts.
425
00:23:49,220 --> 00:23:51,806
Now you get to be
the studly varsity quarterback...
426
00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:54,100
...and I get to be
the flirty head cheerleader.
427
00:23:54,267 --> 00:23:55,351
- Mm.
Hm.
428
00:23:55,518 --> 00:24:00,607
Which means we can break curfews,
and mislead our parents...
429
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:06,404
...and generally sneak around.
430
00:24:15,872 --> 00:24:17,790
I may need some more convincing.
431
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:27,383
- I'll meet you later behind the bleachers.
- Bring your pom-poms.
432
00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:40,980
Hello, Nedly.
433
00:24:46,737 --> 00:24:50,073
You were necking with my daughter.
You promised to keep your distance.
434
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:54,828
- You can't be here. Go back upstairs.
- Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
435
00:24:54,995 --> 00:24:59,124
Everybody out. We have a gas leak
caused by radon emission.
436
00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:02,711
Chock-full of asbestos. Safety first.
437
00:25:02,877 --> 00:25:05,755
Cover your eyes. Everybody out!
438
00:25:14,931 --> 00:25:16,808
Seriously. No cake at all?
439
00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,977
- I made you a cake.
- I'm not one for chocolate.
440
00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:21,813
Who's not for chocolate?
Everyone at least tolerates it.
441
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:24,900
Mr. Charles, you can't be in public.
If someone sees you-
442
00:25:25,066 --> 00:25:28,486
I'll say I'm a burn victim.
Do I need to say anything at all?
443
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:32,032
I've been walking around for an hour,
and no one's looked at me twice.
444
00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:35,243
I wonder if I get one of those
handicapped parking placards.
445
00:25:35,410 --> 00:25:38,038
There's no driving.
That's rule number 17.
446
00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:41,458
Why am I supposed to play by the rules
when you don't, Romeo?
447
00:25:41,625 --> 00:25:45,629
- I'm just trying to keep you safe.
- Look, kiddo, you may scare Charlotte...
448
00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:48,256
...with stories of mobs
and pitchforks and torches.
449
00:25:48,423 --> 00:25:50,967
I know the truth.
The villagers aren't coming for me.
450
00:25:51,134 --> 00:25:54,679
No, they're coming for
the guy with the magic finger.
451
00:25:55,639 --> 00:25:58,183
Charles, no one cared about
Dr. Frankenstein.
452
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,018
They were after his monster.
453
00:26:00,185 --> 00:26:03,271
Regardless, my priority
is your daughter's well-being.
454
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:06,107
If you walk out that door,
you put her life in jeopardy.
455
00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:08,276
As her father, I'll be the judge of that.
456
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:09,945
You're not leaving.
457
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:37,097
- Not bad for a dead guy, huh?
- Don't touch me.
458
00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:48,191
As the tide turned for the Pie-Maker...
459
00:26:49,317 --> 00:26:52,362
...a turn of the tide allowed
Emerson Cod and Olive Snook...
460
00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:56,032
...to turn their investigation
toward a sea cave.
461
00:26:56,199 --> 00:26:58,368
If the McQuoddys
are barnacled up in here...
462
00:26:58,535 --> 00:27:01,371
- ... we'll have them cornered.
- If McQuoddy is here, I'll just die.
463
00:27:01,538 --> 00:27:04,249
Not because he's a killer,
but because he's a-
464
00:27:05,917 --> 00:27:10,255
Easy there. Friend, not foe.
465
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:13,258
Yeah, but we foe for sure.
Emerson Cod, PI...
466
00:27:13,425 --> 00:27:16,344
...here to trawl your ass downtown.
Where's Elliot?
467
00:27:16,511 --> 00:27:18,180
Gathering supplies.
468
00:27:18,346 --> 00:27:21,808
We know all about
the McQuoddy family killers' cruise.
469
00:27:21,975 --> 00:27:25,020
- You two murdered Nora.
- You're mistaken, matey.
470
00:27:25,187 --> 00:27:27,480
When she died, I was here.
471
00:27:27,647 --> 00:27:29,608
Why you bunked up al-grotto?
472
00:27:29,774 --> 00:27:31,860
For the past month, Nora and I...
473
00:27:32,027 --> 00:27:35,822
...had been trying to put
our marriage back on its old course.
474
00:27:35,989 --> 00:27:39,993
But 10 years apart
leaves you different people.
475
00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:44,331
The other night,
while Elliot was at the movies...
476
00:27:44,498 --> 00:27:49,920
...Nora confessed to me that she'd
found her bearings with another man.
477
00:27:50,086 --> 00:27:54,925
- Bewildered, I sought shelter here.
- Why not just clear things up...
478
00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:57,719
- ... with the authorities?
- Because I'm a ghost...
479
00:27:57,886 --> 00:28:02,599
...with an alibi as thin as fishing line.
480
00:28:03,183 --> 00:28:06,102
It was Elliot's idea to set sail from here.
481
00:28:06,269 --> 00:28:09,731
Said he'd garner the funds,
and I would prep the vessel.
482
00:28:09,898 --> 00:28:11,399
Just one hole in your story.
483
00:28:11,566 --> 00:28:14,236
Elliot never mentioned
Nora's new squeeze.
484
00:28:14,402 --> 00:28:16,196
Nora never told him.
485
00:28:16,363 --> 00:28:19,074
You better cough up a name,
or we hauling your buoy in.
486
00:28:19,241 --> 00:28:25,580
She didn't tell me his name,
but I found this in her personal effects.
487
00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:28,625
Ah. A Dutch love spoon.
Men gave it to women...
488
00:28:28,792 --> 00:28:32,087
...as a symbol of the sweetness
they'd feed each other forever.
489
00:28:32,254 --> 00:28:37,134
- I've read the entire Harlequin library.
- I didn't give my wife this spoon.
490
00:28:37,300 --> 00:28:42,139
No, her lover did. A lover
who murdered her in a jealous rage...
491
00:28:42,305 --> 00:28:45,559
...before she had a chance to tell him
she was leaving her husband.
492
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:49,479
See? Engraving says,
"A.P. hearts N.M. "
493
00:28:49,646 --> 00:28:52,190
N.M. is Nora McQuoddy.
But who in the hell is A.P.?
494
00:28:52,357 --> 00:28:53,692
Papen is a Dutch name.
495
00:28:53,859 --> 00:28:58,113
Scurvy, there's 50 Papens
in this county alone.
496
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,866
But only one Augustus.
497
00:29:01,032 --> 00:29:03,493
Gus Papen.
498
00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:06,204
I think I was first.
499
00:29:11,585 --> 00:29:13,378
- What happened?
- Your dad came down...
500
00:29:13,545 --> 00:29:15,505
...and we had a little tussle.
501
00:29:15,672 --> 00:29:18,133
- What do you mean a "tussle"?
- More like a scuffle.
502
00:29:18,300 --> 00:29:19,676
Charlotte.
503
00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:22,596
Oh, my God.
- Wait, wait, I- Let me explain. It...
504
00:29:22,763 --> 00:29:25,056
Oh, my God.
505
00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:27,225
- Ned, oh, my God.
- Oh.
506
00:29:27,392 --> 00:29:29,561
- Come here.
- The light...
507
00:29:29,728 --> 00:29:31,521
...is so bright.
508
00:29:31,688 --> 00:29:33,857
Are you okay?
- My wrist...
509
00:29:34,024 --> 00:29:36,610
- What?
- I think I need to ice it.
510
00:29:37,527 --> 00:29:41,239
- You go upstairs, and I'll be right there.
- Okay.
511
00:29:44,451 --> 00:29:46,870
- That was an act.
- An act of foolishness.
512
00:29:47,037 --> 00:29:48,789
Why'd you bring him to The Pie Hole?
513
00:29:48,955 --> 00:29:50,999
I didn't.
He left of his own accord...
514
00:29:51,166 --> 00:29:53,877
...wandered for an hour,
grabbed a seat at the counter.
515
00:29:54,044 --> 00:29:55,712
He wouldn't. He knows the rules.
516
00:29:55,879 --> 00:29:58,006
Your dad's not one
for chocolate or rules.
517
00:29:58,173 --> 00:30:01,343
So from this point on,
he's gonna be doing his own thing.
518
00:30:01,676 --> 00:30:04,805
All right, I will go upstairs
and I will talk to him.
519
00:30:04,971 --> 00:30:06,681
We said we'd handle this together.
520
00:30:06,848 --> 00:30:08,600
- I'm coming with you.
- You're upset.
521
00:30:08,767 --> 00:30:12,687
- I'm not having you fighting again.
- He's a big boy. He can handle it.
522
00:30:12,854 --> 00:30:16,316
- Yeah, well, maybe I can't.
- Chuck...?
523
00:30:16,483 --> 00:30:19,653
I get it. My dad is strong-willed
and he's stubborn...
524
00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:24,199
...but it's just a normal father-daughter-
daughter's boyfriend dynamic.
525
00:30:24,366 --> 00:30:25,659
- No, it's not.
- Why not?
526
00:30:25,826 --> 00:30:28,120
Because he's been dead
for 20 years? Just-
527
00:30:28,703 --> 00:30:30,205
Pretend he's been in a coma.
528
00:30:30,372 --> 00:30:34,251
I don't have the luxury of pretending
he's in a coma, or that this is normal.
529
00:30:34,418 --> 00:30:37,671
Because Charles Charles
has no problem exposing our secret...
530
00:30:37,838 --> 00:30:39,005
...to the world.
531
00:30:39,172 --> 00:30:42,384
- We need to stop this.
- How? Re-deading him is not an option.
532
00:30:42,551 --> 00:30:45,637
I never said that.
I've tried everything to make this work.
533
00:30:45,804 --> 00:30:49,266
You don't wanna
work together anymore? Fine.
534
00:30:49,433 --> 00:30:51,727
You take care of it.
535
00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:10,412
- Hi.
- Hi.
536
00:31:10,579 --> 00:31:13,165
Come here, button. What I have here...
537
00:31:13,373 --> 00:31:16,752
...is a cookbook of culinary treasures
from around the world.
538
00:31:16,918 --> 00:31:18,795
Close your eyes, tap the page...
539
00:31:18,962 --> 00:31:23,508
...and where the spoon lands
is where you and I are gonna go tonight.
540
00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:26,511
No, Dad. It was a misunderstanding
that went out of control.
541
00:31:26,678 --> 00:31:28,847
- Leaving is not the answer.
- Mm-hm.
542
00:31:29,014 --> 00:31:31,183
Well, is this better? Let's see.
543
00:31:31,349 --> 00:31:33,643
"Rule 21:
When crossing rooms simultaneously...
544
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:37,356
...Party A shall announce 'coming,'
at which point Party B shall pause...
545
00:31:37,522 --> 00:31:40,942
...then commence movement
with the response 'going. ' "
546
00:31:41,109 --> 00:31:43,195
This is how you live? Huh?
547
00:31:43,362 --> 00:31:46,198
Charlotte, you may have
grown up without me, but I am back.
548
00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:48,784
I'm never gonna stop
trying to keep you safe.
549
00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:52,662
My little girl would've never settled
for a lock-and-key existence.
550
00:31:52,829 --> 00:31:57,292
- No, she was destined for adventure.
- But my life is here.
551
00:31:57,459 --> 00:32:01,213
This isn't a life. This is a freak show.
552
00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:03,840
We're only freaks in Ned's world.
553
00:32:04,007 --> 00:32:08,053
Away from Ned,
we could do anything, be anything.
554
00:32:10,639 --> 00:32:13,809
Dad, I just want things
to be how they used to be.
555
00:32:15,227 --> 00:32:17,229
Then come with me, button.
556
00:32:17,396 --> 00:32:19,981
A pie is simple.
557
00:32:20,148 --> 00:32:25,320
It's limited,
just a bit of pastry and filling.
558
00:32:25,487 --> 00:32:27,823
Cake is complex.
559
00:32:27,990 --> 00:32:32,202
Layered with treasures
waiting to be discovered.
560
00:32:34,246 --> 00:32:35,956
Which one do you choose?
561
00:32:44,089 --> 00:32:46,091
Gus and Nora were an item?
562
00:32:46,258 --> 00:32:49,219
Could he have had
something to do with her murder?
563
00:32:49,386 --> 00:32:52,431
- You didn't hear it from me.
- Oh, my God.
564
00:32:52,597 --> 00:32:56,893
Miss Snook, I almost forgot.
I told the notable widows your story...
565
00:32:57,060 --> 00:33:00,105
...and it made us realize
how very blessed we are.
566
00:33:00,272 --> 00:33:04,192
'Tis better to have loved and lost
than to be you.
567
00:33:04,776 --> 00:33:09,531
Well, you'll have to excuse me.
I have an appointment to get to.
568
00:33:10,991 --> 00:33:15,370
Ta, sad Miss Snook.
See you at Tuesday's potluck.
569
00:33:15,537 --> 00:33:18,123
Not on the Savile Row
glen-plaid cashmere.
570
00:33:18,290 --> 00:33:21,877
It's just papier-m�ch� paste.
It'll come right out.
571
00:33:22,044 --> 00:33:25,130
- See you at the potluck on Tuesday.
- Ta.
572
00:33:25,297 --> 00:33:28,717
- You get anything from Vandersloop?
- Just a good riling.
573
00:33:28,884 --> 00:33:32,888
Because I found something
snooping around in Gus Papen's office.
574
00:33:34,014 --> 00:33:36,767
OLIvE: "A proposal to redevelop
Papen Harbor Lighthouse. "
575
00:33:36,933 --> 00:33:38,894
Check the next page.
576
00:33:39,895 --> 00:33:42,773
OLIVE: Ooh, a waterslide.
He got a green light.
577
00:33:42,939 --> 00:33:47,486
The runt of the litter found a way to go
toe-to-capitalistic-toe with his brothers.
578
00:33:47,653 --> 00:33:50,906
Merle's sudden return
gave him a McQuoddy twofer.
579
00:33:51,073 --> 00:33:54,743
Kill Nora, and then frame
the crazy captain with the crime.
580
00:33:54,910 --> 00:33:58,622
With them out, he's free to redevelop
to his bank account's content.
581
00:33:58,789 --> 00:34:01,583
- Provided he can get rid of Elliot-
- Elliot McQuoddy?
582
00:34:01,750 --> 00:34:05,837
Confirming a meeting with Gus
at the lighthouse tonight.
583
00:34:15,055 --> 00:34:17,099
Oh, hell, no.
584
00:34:23,188 --> 00:34:25,357
All right, Papen.
Step away from the boy.
585
00:34:25,524 --> 00:34:27,526
- Help!
- If I do, he'll die.
586
00:34:27,693 --> 00:34:31,321
Is that reverse psychology?
That's exactly what you want.
587
00:34:31,488 --> 00:34:35,867
- What I want is to save him.
- Is that reverse-reverse psychology?
588
00:34:36,034 --> 00:34:38,370
- He didn't do this.
- Then who the hell did?
589
00:34:38,578 --> 00:34:42,541
"Who the hell did"
was Elliot McQuoddy himself.
590
00:34:42,708 --> 00:34:45,669
Realizing the severity
of the impending nor'easter...
591
00:34:45,836 --> 00:34:48,880
...Nora's son struggled
to do his dead mother proud...
592
00:34:49,047 --> 00:34:52,175
...by raising the signal flags-
593
00:34:52,801 --> 00:34:53,844
Mommy!
594
00:34:54,011 --> 00:34:55,554
- and failed.
595
00:34:55,721 --> 00:34:58,056
- Thank you.
- It's okay, Elliot.
596
00:34:58,223 --> 00:35:01,560
So wait a minute. You weren't trying
to wipe out the McQuoddy line...
597
00:35:01,727 --> 00:35:05,856
- ... and take over this lighthouse?
- Of course not. I wanna save it-
598
00:35:06,023 --> 00:35:07,608
I don't like the looks of this.
599
00:35:09,026 --> 00:35:11,236
I don't like the looks of him.
600
00:35:18,702 --> 00:35:22,998
"Welcome to the Papen Lighthouse
Resort and Day Spa"?
601
00:35:26,460 --> 00:35:31,548
I'll be your candle on the water
602
00:35:31,757 --> 00:35:35,052
My love for you will always burn
603
00:35:35,219 --> 00:35:41,225
I know you're lost and drifting
But the clouds are lifting
604
00:35:41,391 --> 00:35:43,518
Don't give up
You'll have somewhere to-
605
00:35:43,685 --> 00:35:45,562
Shut the a cap-hell up.
606
00:35:45,771 --> 00:35:49,566
And that's how our cocktail hour begins:
with a bang and a song.
607
00:35:49,775 --> 00:35:52,903
Followed by a gourmet meal
and dancing here in the lamp room.
608
00:35:53,070 --> 00:35:55,906
That's why I called Elliot.
To pitch him.
609
00:35:56,073 --> 00:35:58,575
This feels really, really wrong.
610
00:35:58,742 --> 00:36:01,370
How can a symbol of love be wrong?
611
00:36:01,537 --> 00:36:04,581
So you and my mom...?
612
00:36:04,748 --> 00:36:08,085
She wanted to tell you,
but then your father returned.
613
00:36:08,293 --> 00:36:10,087
We tried to put our feelings aside...
614
00:36:10,254 --> 00:36:12,714
...to give them
a shot at recapturing the past-
615
00:36:12,881 --> 00:36:15,217
- But they couldn't.
- Let's have something good...
616
00:36:15,384 --> 00:36:17,010
...come out of this tragedy.
617
00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:21,098
Oh, if that's the plan,
please nix the glitter.
618
00:36:21,306 --> 00:36:23,892
Who'd you get to decorate?
Annabelle Vandersloop?
619
00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:27,229
Wait a minute.
What if crazy craft lady was up here...
620
00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:31,066
...but instead of a hot-glue gun,
she brought a stone-cold harpoon?
621
00:36:31,233 --> 00:36:34,611
Mrs. v andersloop was my mother's
best friend. Why would she kill her?
622
00:36:34,778 --> 00:36:39,116
Because Nora wasn't the only squeeze
Papen here was squeezing.
623
00:36:40,242 --> 00:36:42,786
Turn around there, shortstop.
624
00:36:42,953 --> 00:36:44,705
OLIVE:
Oh! Papier-m�ch�.
625
00:36:44,872 --> 00:36:47,541
You were getting down
with the diorama dame.
626
00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:50,085
I damned that dame
every time she made an advance.
627
00:36:50,252 --> 00:36:53,630
Like tonight, in my office,
and a dozen nights before.
628
00:36:53,839 --> 00:36:56,049
Come on.
You two must have been swapping...
629
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:58,468
...something other than
historical factoids.
630
00:36:59,136 --> 00:37:04,099
Once. Years ago
at the Historical Society Christmas party.
631
00:37:04,266 --> 00:37:06,393
So spurned lover
spears her best friend...
632
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,938
...and frames ghost husband
to take the fall.
633
00:37:10,105 --> 00:37:12,983
Let's rubber cement her ass
to a prison bed.
634
00:37:15,944 --> 00:37:18,780
Aw, Tell me you guys
are missing a baritone.
635
00:37:20,157 --> 00:37:22,826
Oh. A full house.
636
00:37:22,993 --> 00:37:26,121
So much for keeping
the innocent-victim count down.
637
00:37:26,288 --> 00:37:28,749
Seriously, does she toot glitter?
638
00:37:28,916 --> 00:37:30,459
Oh, that ain't glitter.
639
00:37:30,626 --> 00:37:33,003
- That's gunpowder.
ELLIOT: She's going to blow us up.
640
00:37:33,170 --> 00:37:36,840
You remember my husband, Adolph,
the munitions manufacturer?
641
00:37:37,007 --> 00:37:39,134
I inherited the remaining inventory.
642
00:37:39,301 --> 00:37:44,515
Said I'd save it for a rainy day,
and look, it's here.
643
00:37:44,681 --> 00:37:47,184
- Annabelle, why?
- You tossed our love aside...
644
00:37:47,392 --> 00:37:49,686
- ... like it never happened.
- It was one night.
645
00:37:49,895 --> 00:37:53,440
What we had was so much more special
than anything you had with Nora.
646
00:37:53,607 --> 00:37:56,193
When Merle returned,
it was the answer to my prayers...
647
00:37:56,401 --> 00:37:58,529
...but even then you couldn't let go.
648
00:37:58,695 --> 00:38:00,280
So I had to eliminate her.
649
00:38:00,447 --> 00:38:02,825
- I still love Nora.
- Shut up.
650
00:38:05,118 --> 00:38:07,162
That's why you've left me no choice.
651
00:38:07,329 --> 00:38:10,165
I don't understand how killing us
is gonna solve anything.
652
00:38:10,332 --> 00:38:12,668
I do, I do. Um....
653
00:38:12,835 --> 00:38:16,296
When you called me "sad Miss Snook,"
oh, it really honked me off.
654
00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:18,966
But now I realize
that you recognize sadness in me...
655
00:38:19,133 --> 00:38:21,051
...because you had it in you.
656
00:38:21,969 --> 00:38:25,889
The rest of you don't know what it's like
to know you belong with somebody.
657
00:38:26,056 --> 00:38:28,225
If you could only eliminate
everybody else...
658
00:38:28,392 --> 00:38:32,563
...maybe he'd finally grasp
what you've been trying to show him.
659
00:38:32,729 --> 00:38:34,898
That feeling
you've been dying to recapture-
660
00:38:35,065 --> 00:38:37,359
- If only for a moment.
- That moment never comes.
661
00:38:37,526 --> 00:38:39,069
What do you do? Not love Ned?
662
00:38:39,236 --> 00:38:41,738
- Gus.
- Gus, Gus. See? I've tried that.
663
00:38:41,905 --> 00:38:42,948
- Me too.
- Did it work?
664
00:38:43,115 --> 00:38:46,577
- Heck, no.
- Heck, no. So you know what I say?
665
00:38:48,412 --> 00:38:50,873
Annabelle Vandersloop did move on.
666
00:38:51,039 --> 00:38:54,251
She was no longer sad
about losing Gus's love...
667
00:38:54,460 --> 00:38:56,420
...since a 30-year prison sentence...
668
00:38:56,587 --> 00:38:59,506
...gave her something
to be truly sad about.
669
00:39:00,340 --> 00:39:02,718
Merle and Elliot McQuoddy
moved on as well...
670
00:39:02,885 --> 00:39:06,555
...becoming partners
in Gus Papen's lighthouse hotel.
671
00:39:06,722 --> 00:39:09,433
They used the profits
for a trip around the world...
672
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:14,438
...and found on the high seas
the route back to their father-son bond.
673
00:39:14,605 --> 00:39:16,940
Meanwhile,
Private Detective Emerson Cod...
674
00:39:17,107 --> 00:39:19,526
...was afloat
in a sea of reward money...
675
00:39:19,693 --> 00:39:22,780
...given by
the Papen County Historical Society...
676
00:39:22,988 --> 00:39:26,450
...which he shared with
a junior PI in-training.
677
00:39:26,617 --> 00:39:30,537
- Nice work, Snook.
- Thanks, Cod. I learned from the best.
678
00:39:30,704 --> 00:39:33,123
Hold on, now. We ain't done.
679
00:39:33,791 --> 00:39:37,753
You remember when you said
you were still in love with Ned?
680
00:39:38,754 --> 00:39:41,924
That wasn't just for
wicked widow's benefit, was it?
681
00:39:42,091 --> 00:39:45,761
No. Oh, Emerson.
I thought I'd stomped out that flame...
682
00:39:45,928 --> 00:39:49,139
...or at least
brought it down to a smolder, but no.
683
00:39:49,306 --> 00:39:52,559
I still burn and yearn for him
now more than ever.
684
00:39:52,768 --> 00:39:56,313
Mm-hm. Do I need to be concerned
that any of my Pie-Hole peeps...
685
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,398
- ... are gonna be eliminated?
- Meaning...
686
00:39:58,565 --> 00:40:02,152
...am I gonna harpoon Chuck
so Ned will finally love me?
687
00:40:02,945 --> 00:40:04,071
No.
688
00:40:04,238 --> 00:40:07,491
Well, if the day finally comes...
689
00:40:07,658 --> 00:40:10,244
...that being around
Pie Boy and his Pie Girl...
690
00:40:10,411 --> 00:40:12,913
...make your suffering insufferable...
691
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,917
...I just want you to know
that there's a place for you...
692
00:40:17,084 --> 00:40:20,838
...right here
in this professional establishment.
693
00:40:21,046 --> 00:40:24,341
- All you have to do is ask.
- Emerson Cod...
694
00:40:24,550 --> 00:40:26,510
...I think I may be winning you over.
695
00:40:27,678 --> 00:40:32,349
Itty Bitty,
you made me love a rainy day again.
696
00:40:37,688 --> 00:40:41,859
You've gotta understand.
When I was a little girl...
697
00:40:42,025 --> 00:40:46,363
...I used to compare my dad
to all the other dads on our street.
698
00:40:46,572 --> 00:40:49,533
I probably wasn't very objective,
because I was convinced...
699
00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:53,370
...he was the strongest and bravest,
the most fun man in the neighborhood.
700
00:40:53,579 --> 00:40:56,373
I can say, objectively,
he was all those things.
701
00:40:56,540 --> 00:40:58,709
When he was gone,
that's how I remembered him.
702
00:40:58,876 --> 00:41:01,879
I put him on a paternal pedestal.
703
00:41:02,087 --> 00:41:03,881
And now....
704
00:41:05,007 --> 00:41:08,469
- Now he wants me to leave.
- Leave? Where?
705
00:41:08,635 --> 00:41:11,805
Anywhere the spoon lands.
He promised me an adventure...
706
00:41:11,972 --> 00:41:14,391
...like the ones he told me about
when I was a kid.
707
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,395
All I have to do
is choose cake over pie.
708
00:41:19,813 --> 00:41:21,065
Oh.
709
00:41:21,231 --> 00:41:23,400
He's trying to be the dad
I always dreamed of.
710
00:41:23,609 --> 00:41:28,238
Someone who could
keep his little girl safe and happy.
711
00:41:28,405 --> 00:41:30,908
Except I'm...
712
00:41:31,116 --> 00:41:32,910
I'm not a little girl.
713
00:41:34,620 --> 00:41:37,748
Which is why I told him
the spoon lands here.
714
00:41:38,916 --> 00:41:41,543
I already feel safe and happy.
715
00:41:41,919 --> 00:41:44,671
And besides,
we have adventures every day.
716
00:41:45,631 --> 00:41:48,008
What did he think of your decision?
717
00:41:48,175 --> 00:41:50,678
- He's waiting for you upstairs.
- With a gun?
718
00:41:51,553 --> 00:41:52,680
With an apology.
719
00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:55,766
He wants us all to start afresh.
720
00:41:55,933 --> 00:41:57,935
Then he's a good dad.
721
00:41:58,268 --> 00:41:59,436
Mm-hm.
722
00:42:00,270 --> 00:42:01,563
And you're a good man.
723
00:42:01,772 --> 00:42:02,940
Heh.
724
00:42:04,692 --> 00:42:05,943
Come on.
725
00:42:08,278 --> 00:42:10,114
Dad? Come on, grab your hat.
726
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:14,076
We're taking hot toddies up to the roof
to watch the snow.
727
00:42:17,871 --> 00:42:19,164
Chuck?
728
00:42:20,457 --> 00:42:23,961
No! Dad!
61628
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