All language subtitles for Ghosts_2021_S05E02[_15808].srt - eng(2)

I just can't stop thinking
about it.

Carol, our newest
and arguably worst ghost,

an adulterous mob accountant,

does one good deed and...

[whistles] up she goes.

I mean, it was a doozy
of a good deed, though.

You know, she saved Jay,
she saved me.

Well, in truth, she didn't
really end up saving you

but rather took
your spot up there.

She robbed you of the suck-off
that was rightfully yours.

Damn it, Carol.

What's with
all the water bottles?

Oh, the company that delivers
Sam and Jay's water

got bought out
by some big conglomerate,

and now the service has fallen
completely off a cliff.

Sam has been trying
to cancel for days,

but she can't get
a human on the phone.

She's slowly going insane,

and it is a joy to watch.

SAMANTHA:
Representative.

Representative.

Still no luck, Sam?

No. This company is so annoying.

They still haven't picked up
the empties.

Wait, did they drop off
more bottles?

AUTOMATED VOICE [over phone]:
Okay, got it.

You're requesting more bottles.
Is that right?

What? No.

This is why, in the cult, we
always got water from the stream

and milk
from the neighbor's dog.

-[RV horn beeping]
-PETE: Ooh, look
at this bad boy.

Class A, extended cab.

[chuckles] I bet that baby's
got some sweet slide-outs.

Hello, there, Samantha.

Hi. [chuckles]

What do you think
of the old girl?

-I mean the RV, not Margaret.
-[both laughing]

I kid. I am still
very sexually attracted to her.

I heard a truck.
Is that the water delivery guys?

Oh. Hey, Farnsbys.

Hello, Jay.
We just wanted to stop by

to let you two know that
we'll be leaving for a while.

We're embarking
on an autumnal tour.

We're doing a little peeping.

-I bet you are.
-JAY: Oh, wow.

Well, uh, how long are you
thinking you'll be gone?

MARGARET:
Several months.

We've rented out the house
to a lovely young couple.

We're going to hit all
the major swinger communities.

-Apparently,
Harrisburg goes hard.
-Yeah.

It's true. It does.

So, would you like to take
a quick tour of the RV?

Yeah, I would not go
inside that bus.

No, thank you. We're good,
but have fun and drive safe.

And, uh, do other things safe.

All right, Margaret. All aboard
the Pineapple Express.

[laughs]

Bye, everyone.

♪ ♪

BJORN:
Father!

We have big news!

Judy and I are getting married!

That is wonderful!

We were waiting
till my pervert son

and his degenerate wife
moved out,

and now that day
has finally come.

Judy not want to risk orgy

breaking out
during wedding ceremony.

Thorfinn completely understand!

Orgy meant for after ceremony!

This is wonderful news, Thor.

Yeah, really happy for you,
big guy. Representative.

And they doing ceremony
in front of screaming window

so Thor can watch.

FLOWER:
I'm his plus one.

And I know exactly
what I'm wearing.

This.

Bjorn also bestow
great honor upon Thor.

He ask Thor to speak at wedding.

Thor most touched.

Oh, that's great, Thor,

and if you need someone
to sing...

-We all good.
-PETE: Hey, guys.

I just got back
from the Farnsbys'.

Heard the big news, Thor.

Mazel tov. Huh?

Please don't say Jewish things
and point at me.

Anyway, Sam, guess who's renting
the Farnsbys' house.

The names Garrett and Libby
mean anything to you?

Get out. Seriously?

They're this great couple
we know from Brooklyn.

Jay, Garrett and Libby
are renting the Farnsbys'.

This is huge.

So we just moving on
from Thor thing?

What is so great
about Garrett and Libby?

They were like the social chairs
of the friend group.

They plan these
great couples' trips every year.

They look so fun.

Last year they went
white water rafting

in the Yellowstone River,

and then-then, this year, I hear

they're planning
a scavenger hunt in Bimini.

I don't know where that is,
but we need to be there.

Ugh, these two needy numbskulls.
God love 'em.

Why wouldn't they have
reached out to us, though?

They know we live up here.

Very simple explanation
for that--

they think you're both nuts.

Oh, no, Jay.
They think we're nuts.

Did they talk to Nico and Sasha?

Oh, the couple that thought
you wanted to murder them

-on Halloween?
-Bingo.

Silver lining, apparently,
you two are a favorite topic

at some very cool dinner parties
in the city.

Samantha, let not one setback
define your social standing.

Your failure at Halloween
is just a rumor to these people.

They weren't there to see

how truly embarrassing
your behavior really was.

Yeah, just go say hey.

The ghosts think we should go
try to smooth things over.

[chuckles]
Yeah, I don't know.

That sounds like
it might get weird.

It doesn't have to be weird.

Just go ask for a cup of sugar,

or if their dog is postpartum,
some milk.

PETE:
They just went for a jog.

They'll probably be back
in a couple minutes.

Let's get out to the mailboxes.

Pete says they'll be
jogging by any second.

What about Ever Creek?

I don't think the reception
will go that far.

Oh, uh, we could just
call them back later.

Are you joking?

We're six hours in.

We're not hanging up.

I showered
with this phone in a bag.

He looked ridiculous.

I mean, I imagine
he looked ridiculous.

Sam, allow me.

We ghosts can't do much,
but we can wait on hold.

And certain,
very powerful ghosts,

can even press one
to remain on the line.

[Alberta laughs]

My man can leave the property.

-You know he can.
-[laughs]

-ALBERTA: Ooh, so powerful.
-PETE: That's right, baby.

Oh, God, where do we look?

Okay, so the ghosts are in place
for the yelling line

in case anyone from Ever Creek
picks up the phone.

Hetty, give a test yell!

Samantha's posture
is not that of someone

attempting to make
a good first impression!

-Loud and clear!
-Here they come, here they come.

[speaks indistinctly]

Oh, my God.
Garrett and Libby, hi.

Uh, hey.

What are you guys doing here?
We're checking our mail.

Good improv, Jay.
A little first thought,

but sometimes the first
thought's the best thought.

Uh, we actually just rented
a house in the neighborhood.

The Farnsbys'?

Oh, no way.
We live just down the road.

-[chuckles] Welcome.
-JAY: Yeah.

We love it here.

It's so nice
to get out of the city, huh?

Oh, yeah, the city
was driving us crazy.

I mean, not crazy. Crazy
was a poor choice of words.

PETE:
Oh, because they heard

that you were crazy.

Oh, that's sensitive of them.

Yeah, it's a great area.

We just got a new brunch spot.
Nena's.

Oh, we tried to go there
this morning.

Yeah, but the line
was, like, nuts.

Not nuts. It was long.

-The line there was long, is...
-Mm-hmm.

So how are you liking
the Farnsbys'?

It's great.

You know, we were thinking about
turning one of the bedrooms

into a media room,
but is it rude to move

all the furniture around
in a rental?

-I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
-GARRETT: Oh.

-Really? That's great.
-Yeah.

HETTY:
Strike while the iron is hot!

Extend a social invitation!

Uh, so speaking about
great restaurants in the area,

which is something
we recently talked about

before we talked
about something else.

Power through.

Uh, anyway,
we have a restaurant.

[laughs]
Jay is the chef.

JAY:
It's called Mahesh. Uh, you guys

should join us
for dinner there tonight.

Yeah. It'd be so fun.

Sure. Why not?

They got a why not!

HETTY:
Resigned acceptance!

We'll take it!

BJORN:
Father!

Wedding is tomorrow! [laughs]

So happy to get to share
this special day with you!

Me, too, son!

Will be moment
I cherish for eternity!

[tuts]
Okay.

Wait, what happening?

[grunts]

You don't think it's weird
in front of the window?

No, babe, the point
of a home theater

is that it's dark. This is good.

BJORN:
Father!

They intend to block the window!

Your attendance at the wedding
is in jeopardy!

Father!

No!

-To our victory at the mailbox.
-[laughs]

FLOWER:
Ooh, what are they celebrating?

The most incremental bit
of forward movement

in a potential friendship

with the couple
renting the Farnsby house.

Disaster has struck!

What's wrong, Thor?

New renters move furniture

in front of screaming window.

Thor can't see son.
Will miss wedding.

This time next year,
we're gonna be scavenger-hunting

on a beach in Bimini. [laughs]

That is if, in fact,
Bimini is by the ocean.

I'm 80% sure it's an island.

I'm 100 years dead and even
I know you can look that up.

Jay, Garrett and Libby
moved a bookcase

in front
of the screaming window.

But how's Thor
gonna see the wedding?

Yeah, that's the problem.

Thor, this is solvable.

Samantha and Jay will simply
broach the subject

at their upcoming dinner tonight

and get the couple to remove
the offending object.

Yes. So simple.

You look troubled.
Why are you looking troubled?

Samantha, I would hate
for you to trample

this nascent friendship
with an awkward request

for something that should be
none of your concern.

THORFINN:
Samantha, please.

Son's wedding
mean everything to Thor.

Thor not there
for son's first kill.

Not there for Bjorn's
first orgy.

That's so sad.

Thor not there
Bjorn's first wedding,

so need to be there
for this one.

-Okay.
-[sighs]

If there's an opening, we'll
bring up moving the bookcase.

-[exclaims]
-JAY: Damn it,

we were on such a "not weird"
roll with this couple.

I mean, the successful
interaction at the mailbox...

Oh, okay, I guess
that's all there was.

AUTOMATED VOICE [over phone]:
Please continue to hold.

And thank you
for choosing Ever Creek,

the Hudson Valley's only choice
in water delivery.

Why are they so proud of that?

Dude, you're still on hold?

It's been a nightmare.

I mean, I did get
a brief chuckle

when she said
I was 69th in line,

but other than that,
it's been a slog.

So, just walk away. Who cares?

The thing is, I have a theory.

Carol hit the mother lode.

She did a mitzvah so huge

it resulted in
an immediate ticket upstairs.

We should've jumped
on that grenade. We blew it.

Exactly. And opportunities
to do good deeds that giant

don't come around very often.

But maybe

there's a way to do a bunch
of little good deeds.

Like waiting on hold.

And then, eventually,
they add up

and boom, T-Money's hitching
a ride on the Suck-Off Express.

I want in. I can help you
wait on hold.

No, no, no, no.
This is my tiny good deed.

You start helping, you're gonna
take half my points.

No, no, no. But-but-but-but
you letting me in

and sharing it with me,

that-that feels like
its own tiny good deed.

Oh, that's true. Okay, fine.

-But no one else.
-Deal.

We appreciate your patience.

Press any button
or say anything to hang up.

What are these options?

It's a rigged game.
These guys are good.

LIBBY:
This whole property is so cute,

and the food is amazing.

Well, if you do have
any complaints,

I can take them
right to the chef.

[laughter]

My man. That mailbox magic
was not just imagined.

Enough tiny talk.
Bring up bookcase.

They are getting to it.
This is conversational foreplay.

What is foreplay?

It's true, he has no idea.

Um, do you guys know
about these couples' trips

that we organize every year?

Oh, my God, it's happening.

Uh, uh... Whew. I don't know.

I think we've seen something
on Instagram, maybe.

Well, uh, this year, we are
organizing a scavenger hunt

on this beautiful island
called Bimini.

[quietly]:
Yes, an island. I knew it.

Well, I don't know
what your schedule's like

this winter, but we do have

one slot open, if you guys
think you can make it.

We'll check. It's very
interesting. Sounds fun.

Cool as a cucumber.

I have rarely been proud of you,
but never more so than now.

Bookcase, now.

[clears throat]
So, uh, shifting gears...

[imitates gears grinding]

Oh. I hate this.

What ended up happening
with the media room?

-Is it all set up?
-GARRETT: Yeah, I mean,

it's not a professional job,
but it works.

There was a lot of light
in the room,

so we just moved a bookcase
in front of the window.

-Ooh...
-Is that bad?

Yes. Bring it home, Samantha.

It's just not great
in terms of, um, feng shui.

Okay. Whatever.

-[Garrett and Libby laugh]
-It's fine.

-GARRETT: Yeah.
-Okay, Sam, they heard you out.

Samantha, with Bimini
in the balance,

I do not advise you
to pursue this any further.

What? Keep pressing.

Here's the moment of truth,

where she chooses
between her own prospects

-and Thor's happiness.
-PETE: I'm rooting for Thor,

but also Sam.

Samantha, please.

So, tell us more
about this scavenger hunt.

Coward.

She did what she had to do.

Ugh, this is so boring.

Before Sam, this would've at
least been something to do, but

we have TV now.

I love TV.

TV's the best.

Ugh, why is a play so boring,

but TV is so good?

Look, we're, like, 50th in line.

Why don't we go upstairs
and watch one show

and then get right back on hold?

Right, we get a little break,
and then we come down,

we help Sam, and collect
our suck-off points.

-Great. One show.
-One show.

Maybe two, if it's good
or a cliffhanger.

AUTOMATED VOICE [over phone]:
You are now 49th in line.

Plenty of time.

JAY:
Bimini, here we come, babe.

Thor very happy Livings get
to go on precious trip,

while Thor miss out on most
important moment of afterlife.

Thor, I tried to bring up
moving the bookshelf,

but you saw. It was awkward.

I-I'm sorry,
I didn't want to push.

You have to push.

You think village elders
just agree to jump off cliff?

No. Sometimes,
people need little push.

I mean,
"need" is a little strong.

You could've just, you know,
let them turn 35.

Okay, so I just came back
from Libby and Garrett's,

and man, are they
singing your praises.

-Ooh, you are in, girlfriend.
-SAMANTHA: Maybe we should keep

the momentum going with, like,
a little housewarming gift.

-Cookies.
-Well, you better
get over there quickly

because they also said
they're about to head back

to the city for the weekend.

Yes! That amazing timing.

Sam, all you need to do
is break into Farnsbys',

move bookcase for wedding,
then move back

so new friends never know.

Ooh, a candle!

Uh, Jay, Pete said
that Garrett and Libby

are going back to the city
for the weekend.

No doubt with tales of our
normalness for the friend group.

Right, but then Thor wants us
to break into their house

and move their bookcase.

Okay, no. That's nuts.

You know
I am doggedly protective

of your social advancement,

but they will be gone anyway.

Plus, if you guys get caught,
at least

that'd be exciting.

I mean, we got a couple ghosts
sitting on hold overnight.

-We need this.
-PETE: If it helps,

I happen to know that
the lock on the back door

is broken over there, which is
probably why Mrs. Farnsby's

always telling people
to come in the back door.

THORFINN:
Samantha,

Thor own father die
before Thor get married.

He was not there
to see Thor wedding.

Was wonderful day,
but touched with sadness.

His absence felt most strongly.

Thor says his own father

wasn't able to attend
his wedding.

[sighs] That's rough.

We drank mead
and had great feast.

Table full

many, many rams' testicles.

But two testicles were missing.

Those of my father.

That was beautiful, sort of.

Jay, I...

-We're breaking into
the Farnsbys', aren't we?
-Yep.

Yes. Pete was right.

I'll take "things Carol
never said" for 600, Alex.

She stole my slot in heaven,
the final insult.

Come on, this way.

Bet she's hanging out
with Alex right now,

laughing at me.

[Jay exhales]

Okay.

That is heavy.

-Someone's muscles are pumped.
-George the Puritan ghost
says hi.

Samantha, thank you so much for
making it possible for father

to attend ceremony.

Thor can see! Grateful!

So glad you could make it!

Oh, yeah, there is a glare
on the TV.

I can see why they did that.

Okay, let's get
you kids married.

The wedding's about to start.

And I shouldn't watch TV
during the wedding.

-No, Jay.
-Okay, cool.
I'll just be on my phone.

Idea: The Golden Bachelor,
but for young people.

They have that.
It's called The Bachelor.

What? Then why are we watching
these old bags?

I'll be right back.

Whoa, aren't you gonna watch
the final rose?

I feel like Gertrude's
about to get crushed.

Just got to stretch my legs.

[scoffs]

I mean, who am I kidding?
I'd get with all these ladies.

And so, by the power
vested in me

via Sam, via the internet,

I now pronounce
you man and wife!

Yes! Take her now,
and we watch as Odin commands!

Okay, I was thinking maybe just
a classic kiss the bride.

[cheering, laughter]

They're married now, Jay.

Great. It's an honor to be here.

Now, it's time we all hear
from the father of the groom!

Thor, buddy, take it away!

Bjorn. Judy.

Congratulations.

Oh, I think that's it.

So beautiful, Father!

It really was.

[car approaching]

What was that?

Oh, no!

The renters are back.

George says Garrett
and Libby are back.

What? No.

What happening?

[whispers]:
Garrett and Libby are back.

Pete, you don't need to whisper.

Oh, right.
Garrett and Libby are back!

AUTOMATED VOICE [over phone]:
Stay on the line.

We're thirsty to help you.

-The worst.
-What are you doing?

I-I was just checking
to make sure

we had time for another episode.

Oh, yeah, right.

You're trying to steal
this good deed for yourself,

so you can get
all the suck-off points.

Fine. Okay? You're right.

But I-I deserve them. I've been
here way longer than you.

So what?
This whole thing was my idea.

-You're being selfish.
-SASAPPIS [stammers]: Oh.
But you're being a baby.

You are the next caller in line.

You nincompoops,
what are you doing?

We're next in line.

-I'll alert Samantha.
-Whoa, whoa.
-The hell you will.

SASAPPIS:
He's trying to get in
on our good deed

so he gets one step closer
to getting sucked off.

Hold on, you're only performing
this kind act

to accrue credit towards
an eventual ascension?

That's genius.

And it's mine. Samantha!

-Get back here!
-This is my good deed.

I thought they went to the city.

Cool, well,
we'll just tell them that

when they catch us
in their house.

Go out the window.
That's what the milkman did

when my husband
almost caught us in 1952.

We're not going out the window.

I'm just saying,
that trellis held Tommy,

and he was quite sturdy.

Milk did that body good.

ISAAC:
Samantha!

Samantha! You're next in the--
Oh, my hair!

-You got to get back here now!
-You're the next caller!

They're saying
you're next in line, Sam.

You got to go pick up the phone.

-Jay, Ever Creek.
We're next in the queue.
-No.

Estimated wait time,
two minutes!

Hi there, Isaac!

What are you wearing?

Yeah. Uh, same thing, George!

Okay, you go out the window,

and I'll move the bookcase back.

I don't want to leave you.

Watch and learn, you two.

That's how you do a marriage.

JAY:
I'll figure something out.

It's Ever Creek, babe.
We can't let them win.

Traffic was crazy.

Absolutely.

Why don't we just stay in
and watch a movie tonight?

Right? Like, we have
that whole media room.

I like that.

LIBBY:
So what movie you want to watch?

GARRETT:
I don't know.
They have a ton of DVDs.

It's been a minute
since I've been in the closet.

They have Swingers.
I love this movie.

Oh, no. Is not
what they think it is.

-Let's watch it.
-All right.

No. Not on my wedding day.

Well, isn't this a rare string
of wins for our young couple.

You pulled off a Viking wedding,
you managed

not to alienate
your new friends,

and you are soon
to be Bimini-bound.

And don't forget
you successfully

canceled your water account.

Thanks to me.

-And me.
-Mostly me.

Wait, why does Jay
seem so upset?

Well, while Jay was trapped
in the closet,

Garrett and Libby put on some
unfortunate viewing material.

You okay, babe?

The sounds.

I can still hear them.

PETE:
You're lucky
you just heard them.

I saw things. Bad things.

I'm confused.
Why didn't Garrett and Libby

just turn off
the septuagenarian erotica?

None of us could move.

So many knees popping.

Thought it was
the Fourth of July.

Gross.

Who am I kidding?
I'd watch that.

Captioning sponsored by
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