Original subtitles

Cousin Leon: It all started with my dad's dresser.

Five drawers high, and the top drawer was actually

two drawers,

and one on the left...

had it all.

I rummaged through that drawer every day, touching everything,

little pocket knives, broken watch,

and a deck of playing cards with sexy ladies on them.

I wanted to marry the three of clubs so bad.

In many ways,

I'm still chasing that top-left drawer.

It's ruined everything.

My name is Cousin Leon,

and I'm a rummager.

Uh...

this is a book club meeting.

♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

Roger: This is Laughingstick in the Morning.

Shack up season is on the horizon,

the fifth season on the rez.

And like desperate squirrels gathering nuts,

people are rushing around,

trying to hook up ahead of the long, cold winter.

Speaking of hook-ups,

Rose and Stephen Harper are getting married soon,

and Paul will be the best man.

Will he ever find someone to shack up with?

- Ronny: Fok! - Roger: Who knows?

Pants is all fucked up!

♪ I can't believe ♪

♪ My fucking eyes ♪

♪ I wanna shack up with you (Fuckin' love you) ♪

Stupid BMX,

the pants got caught in the gears doing power slides.

Believe it or not, the same thing used to happen to me.

Here.

You're Chief Jo's bro, huh?

Barely recognize you in that tie.

- What the fuck is this shit? - I can help.

Oh, have at 'er.

You like mac and cheese?

With... cut up wieners?

Is there any other way?

Not that I know of.

I gotta go. I've got business things to do.

Yeah, same. My buds are waiting.

Oh. Hey, I almost forgot to give you your tape.

It's funny, eh? Tape,

how it can, uh, stick two things together.

Like... rez dogs?

Well, I'd invite you over to my house, but, uh,

Dad's building it onto his.

Guess who's going to have her own door?

(clicking tongue) This chick right here.

You could come to my place.

I'd like that.

See you later.

Jo: So, what do you think about your new high school?

I don't know, Ma.

This place is a pile of hot trash.

You sure this is gonna be ready in time?

It's got some good bones in it.

(thudding)

(crashing)

Chickadee: Yeah, broken bones.

It just needs a bit of elbow grease.

It looks uneven.

Dean: Ah, chill, bro.

My father is not a chill guy, Dean.

Look, I haven't told anybody this before, Dean, but...

well, this company has been in my family since the 1600s.

My father is Sir William Northstore IV,

a direct descendant of Sir William Northstore,

who founded the company.

And, uh, well, as you can imagine,

my family has a difficult history.

Sir William I came to this continent in search of riches.

Before long, he built an empire on furs,

but he didn't share any of that with your ancestors.

Dean: Oh, so you greased us.

Greg: Yeah, Dean.

He built posts all over, moving your people out of the way

and getting richer by the second.

Whoa, bro!

We have way more in common than you think.

- How's that? - We both think your dad sucks.

I swear, you want to get anything done around here,

you got to do it yourself.

Cousin Leon: Heard you could use a hand.

What are you still doing here,

you greasy dirtbag?

Never left.

So, you've just been lurking around, like some kind of lurk?

Come on. Let me help. It's my way to apologize.

You wanna help? Grab a scrub brush.

Ma, you can't be serious.

You can start by washing all the weenuks off the wall.

No problem.

Yeesh!

This one could use some antibiotics.

Ronny: Ugh. Is this vegetables?

Uh, it's actually called parsley.

French people do it.

Oh, hard pass.

But, uh, it's okay.

I bring my own pepperettes anyway.

So, I was thinking, maybe later, we could go for a walk.

Fok! Bit my fok'n tongue!

You okay?

Yeah, it's just because I eat real fast.

(phone chiming)

As I was saying,

maybe later, you and I can go for a walk.

Or maybe we can play some cribbage.

Are you ignoring me right now?

No, it's just my buddies want me to come by,

so we can ghost-ride bikes later.

- Oh, yeah? - You ever do that?

It's when you run beside your bike,

and you take it up a hill...

(whispering:) ...you push it down,

and you watch it crash.

I mean, that sounds cool, if that's...

something you're into.

Nah, that's fine.

I'm going to stay here and we're gonna play...

"crimmage".

I'm going to make some juice.

Juice.

Seems a little crooked.

I checked it with a level.

No matter, I didn't come here to look at signs.

I came here to talk to my son.

- Alone. - Oh.

Yes, back to work. Back to work, everybody.

Oh.

You there, worker. Had a long journey,

fetch me a coffee.

Worker? (chuckling)

You got the wrong bro, bro.

I just gave you a direct order.

Look, man.

I ain't no corporate sell-out,

button down, corn-fed, buttoned--

Okay, Dean, hey.

Why don't you go cool off?

Okay, man.

I will cool off.

I trust you'll burn that ,as per North Store policy?

Yes, sir.

Oh. Those are our number one seller.

Gregory, I'm afraid

you're being taken advantage of here.

You've always been such a... pushover

I don't know about that, Dad. I...

Okay.

Have one on my tab, bro.

Roger (on radio:) Sorry, Hilda. I've told you a million times,

I don't know where to get a hitman.

What's your fascination with hitmen?

Painted over every weenuk in the school,

all 83 of them.

Hey, thanks, Leon.

Roger: This one's for all of you working away at the school.

(twangy rock music playing on radio)

I love this one!

Me too!

Turn it up!

(twangy rock music playing on radio)

This is too much.

(twangy rock music playing on radio)

♪

Ho'leh.

Nice dance moves.

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(both laughing)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

This Leon's not too bad.

Told you, Cousin Leon's dead.

All right, let's get back to work.

Hey, do you wanna pass me that tape?

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(chuckling)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

Do you just see the future?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(woman singing in Indigenous language)

(wind gusting)

She fuckin' greased me?

(knocking)

Hey, Paul.

I'm sorry I greased you.

Here, I, uh...

brought you something.

Try one.

Pepperettes?

Go ahead, help yourself.

(chuckling)

How can I make it up to you?

You want to come ghost-ride bikes with me?

No. I've got plans with my mom.

Oh, moms love me, bro.

Okay. So, you want to come over?

Yeah, I want to meet your moms.

- Really? - Yeah.

Oh, nut shot! Psych!

Ow!

This is so crazy, hey?

You, me.

It's not that crazy.

Well, I just mean, like,

I'm the chief

and you... are Leon.

It's not that crazy.

You want some more ice cream?

Sure.

Why'd you do that?

Do what?

Take your purse.

It was just sitting out and I thought...

I want to freshen up and my makeup's in there.

You thought I was going to rummage.

No, no.

I know that you've changed.

Chickadee: Ma, you home? Ma...

- Hide! Hide! - ...why is the door locked?

You weren't at the school. Still a shitload of work to do.

I was just on my way over there.

You're acting weird.

Let's go get some snacks on the way.

You don't want any snacks? Now, that's weird.

Let's go.

(sobbing) Who wants spaghetti?

Oh, that's you crying.

Thought Nelson lost his mom again.

I'm not crying.

There just must be onions in these spaghetti cans.

This is about your dad, isn't it?

He makes me feel so small.

You know what the cure is for feeling small?

It's getting big.

And you know who famously said that?

I can't...

Me! And you know what else I said?

I said, it's time for you

to get out from under your dad's bullshit and quit.

Dean, I can't just quit.

If you're a descendant of Sir William,

then you are bound by a lifetime contract.

It's signed right out of the womb.

The only way out is through death.

Or firing, but I haven't figured out how I could get fired. I...

Greg, you've come to the right guy.

You came to me.

(sniffing)

Oh, that smells great, Angus.

Agnes! It's Agnes.

Oh, well, thank you

for picking the parsleys out of my soup, Agnes.

No problem, Ronny.

- So, you like bikes, Ronny? - Mm-hmm. Mmm...

You know, if you eat too fast, you could...

Fuck!

Oww! Every fuckin' time!

(groaning)

It's like watching a crow eat roadkill.

Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Yo, Angus, can you microwave

some of these pocket rockets please?

But just for a little bit, not too long.

Sure thing, Ronny.

Ronny: These babies taste awesome warmed up.

Agnes: Heating them up!

You know I call the pepperettes my babies,

'cause I'm never, ever having kids.

(belching)

Leon, can we talk?

Oh, you brought your purse.

Aren't you worried I might rummage?

Admit it, you've done some shady shit in the past.

But cleaning all those weenuks meant something.

Those weenuks did mean something to me.

- You're full of moo. - I am not.

I can fok'n smell it from here.

Okay, then!

Come to Rose's wedding with me.

Like a date?

Not really.

Come with me as a person who just happens to be with me,

together at the same time in the same place.

Shit's confusing.

Call it a pre-date.

Okay.

Ronny: Mmm.

Mmm... Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

Mmm...

Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

The fuck?

You ready bro?

Yeah!

All right, it's getting fired time.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

(screaming)

♪

(growling)

(screaming)

Dean: Whoo!

Come with me. Now!

Excuse us.

- Hey. - Hi.

There's something I want you to have.

What is it?

It's beautiful.

Just like you.

I love it.

It used to be my mom's.

She told me...

to give it to someone special someday.

Oh, that's so sweet.

No way!

They have those little sliders I love.

You want one?

Uh, yeah, sure, okay.

Be right back.

My pin!

Someone stole my Bumblebee pin!

Ooh, if I had that hitman, none of this would have happened!

I know what you're trying to do.

Well then, do it, then, fire me.

- Gregory, cut it out! - I don't want this job,

I don't want this name, and I don't want you in my life.

You know what I want?

I want you to take this contract

and shove it up your posting hole.

And by that,

I think he means your asshole.

Greg: Dean...

What exactly are you going to do without my help and my money?

We're going to open up our own store.

- We are? - Yeah, man.

Yeah, man.

Then this makes you my competitor,

and I don't play nice.

Oh, and Gregory, you're fired.

Dean: Yeah, dude!

(gasping)

My boy...

what did Ronny do to you?

She... hurt me.

Where?

In my heart.

(speaking Indigenous language) That bad woman Ronny!

(sobbing)

Leon, what the fuck?

What? You don't like your pin?

(whispering:) You stole it.

I didn't steal anything. You did.

Got you.

See you around, my little three of clubs.

Attention, everyone. We are gathered here today

to celebrate the union

of one Rose Sinclair and Stephen Harper.

And also, to honour Ed.

It was his wish to save money

for his funeral by leeching onto another ceremony.

So, we'll be doing two things at the same time.

Let's begin.

(bridal march playing)

(exhaling sharply)

(bridal march playing)

♪

Do you Rose,

take this guy to be your forever shack up,

to love him, comfort him,

to be his rock and his roll,

through good times and bad,

for as long as you're both kicking around?

I do.

Do you, Stephen Harper, take this--

Yes, I do!

Paul...

Ed was a moocher in life...

(mournful organ playing)

...and also a moocher in death.

Nobody really knew him, but we're going to miss him dearly,

like all the things that he "borrowed".

Now, before I declare these two married,

does anyone object?

Speak now or forever shut your trap.

Then, Rose and Stephen Harper, I declare you--

I have an objection.

(guests gasping, chattering)

Stephen Harper, you are a beautiful man.

You're perfect.

But that's the problem, I don't need perfect.

Paul,

you and I are so different,

but, somehow, we fit.

You're the butter to my bannock.

You're-- you're the water to my juice.

You're the cut-up wieners to my mac and cheese.

Babe...

we complete each other.

I love you!

I love you.

(Agnes chuckling)

Agnes: Oh!

Well... Ed's still dead.

(mournful organ playing)

So, let's bow our heads for a moment of silence.

Roger: To quote the great warrior Chief Sitting Bull,

"That was one weird fuckin' summer."

Dean and Greg are opening a co-op.

Chickadee and the teens

are gonna stick around for high school.

Who knows?

Paul could even get his diploma.

Speaking of Paul, guess he and Rose are back together.

But for how long?

As we ponder this great question,

here's Charlie Chochoet

and the Runner-Awayers with "Gone For Good Again".

(country music playing)

♪ You look so lovely ♪

♪ Is this all a dream? ♪

♪ Gonna make a vow ♪

♪ To the Lord above ♪

♪ I promise you ♪

♪ I'll give you all my love ♪

♪ Girl, you're so... ♪