All language subtitles for 1 1 Nobody Wants This S02E03 1080p 10bit

Good Shabbat.

Good Shabbat. Everybody have everybody.
I love how shiny this bread is.

Challah.

Challah.

Yes.

No, no, Joanne, Joanne, Joanne, Joanne.
That is where Sasha sits. You are

sitting on Noah's other side.

What am I doing with it?

Oh, thank you, m 'lady.

This thing is really strict about the
seating range. You'll get used to it.

Okay.

Time to soup. Oh, yeah. I like you being
at Shabbat. It's my favorite time of

the week. I still think it's great that
you have dinner with your family every

Friday. Some people would say this is a
lot.

Well, family's important to me. Well,
family is important to me, too.

We all share a Costco card.

You in?

No phones at the table, please. Oh,
sorry.

Sorry. Morgan was just texting my mom
happy birthday on our group chat. Group

chat? On your mother's birthday? A text?

That's it?

Well, it's Lynn's birthday.

Mother waits a whole day for the phone
to ring. Day's almost over. Six o

Do you both hate your mother?

No. I would kill to just be left alone
on my birthday. I didn't know. I didn't

call her.

Miscommunication. Her birthday is the
8th. Morgan thinks it's the 6th. We've

told her a billion times it just doesn't
stick. Okay. Huh.

It ain't the 6th.

Correct. And her birthday is this day?
The 8th. Thank God I didn't miss it.

Okay.

Okay.

What's the plan?

What are we doing?

I will call her.

Oh.

Saddest story ever told.

Can I have a pickle, please? You don't
do anything together?

Nothing? Not even a cake or a candle?

Maybe a restaurant reservation.

Please, balloon bouquet or edible
arrangement.

I mean, don't you have any family
traditions?

Yes, we have family traditions.

We just don't do them.

Well,

when I was little, my mom used to get
takeout for a birthday breakfast and

get donuts instead of a cake.

Oh, I'm sorry. That sounds hard.

No, that sounds good. Donuts are great.
Okay, so let's do that.

Oh, I don't think my family's really
that type. Come on, you're joining my

family for our traditions.

I want to be part of that stuff with
your family, too.

Please, listen, it'll be really fun.

I'll plan the whole thing. Text at 6 o
'clock. It's okay, Dad.

Today's not our mom's birthday. Still.

We have 48 hours. Yay.

Oh, yay.

Wait, so why are you making Mom
celebrate her birthday with us? She's

she's fine. I just think it would be
nice to circle back to family

It's important to Mom.

Yeah, right. We both know Mom would
rather do her little rituals with Goldie

where they, like, eat chocolate and
mushrooms and cry outside.

Okay, fine. It means a lot to Noah,
okay? It was his idea, and family

are weirdly important to him.

Okay, so you want to impress Noah by
doing something we haven't done in 20

years. Of course you don't get it. Okay,
I am in a mature adult partnership.

Noah and I are figuring out how to be a
we, and it's like a silent negotiation.

Yeah.

Hi. Hey.

I'm working on my toast for Lynn
tomorrow. How long is yours going to be,

because it's weird if mine's longer?

Um, no, we don't do toasts.

Toasts are for people who have nice
things to say about each other.

Got it. Okay. Hey, here.

Can't just drink coffee all day.

Babe.

Tracking my water intake?

God, that's so sweet.

Morgan, did you hear that?

Yeah. Don't you have, like, a job to go
to or something?

Yeah, things are just a little bit slow
right now. People are interested in

working with Big Noah.

Knocking on my door a little bit less.

Personally, I think he peaked at his
first sermon. Oh, my gosh. He actually

the cover of Jewish Journal, which,
like...

You don't know. You don't even know how
hard that is to get. Oh, God, Jesus. I

thought you had, like, the day off or
something. I didn't realize this would

turn into such an awkward conversation.

God.

Okay, can we just talk about how all of
a sudden you're a babe girl?

You guys, you haven't been deep, okay?
I've never heard her call anyone babe

before. Okay, can we talk about
something else?

Um, do you have anything to share,
Morgan?

Nope. I guess we'll have to pivot to
audience questions.

A guy ghosted me after I waited three
months to have sex with him.

What do I do?

First of all, willpower.

Mind if I throw mine two cents in?

I thought you didn't want anything to do
with the podcast.

Well, I don't want any stuff about me on
it, but, you know, I don't mind

offering a little advice on one
question.

It's what I do.

Okay, I think a male perspective would
be nice. Okay, great.

First of all, on behalf of all men,
sorry, ghosting is never cool.

In the Talmud, Hillel offers us the
golden rule. That which is hateful to

do not do to others. Now, we hear it all
the time. Treat others how you want to

be treated. But I think the reverse
applies as well. How you treat others is

you treat yourself. So, if he can't be
honest with you, he's not honest with

himself. You don't want this guy.

Okay, Rabbi. That was a really good
answer.

Yeah, I was just going to say, like, she
might be bad in bed, but... Next

question.

Okay, on to the next.

Can I go out with a guy my good friend
dated but was never official with?

No. Yes. No.

I'll take this one, Joanne.

Hopefully it ended amicably between
them, but because it ended, yes, you

every right to pursue a relationship.
I'm so sorry. I really, really disagree.

You can't ever date the ex of a friend
under any circumstance, and I'm sure

Hillel would agree. Well, what about the
rules of love?

Being territorial over someone it didn't
work out with isn't cool, and they have

to take a chance if they think this
might be their person.

Okay, next question. Where's the last
crazy place you guys had sex?

Um...

we don't do that what do you mean you
don't have sex we have you don't you

what i mean okay fine lame um give me
one juicy thing about your relationship

like the freakiest thing you guys have
ever done we don't do anything that the

audience would find interesting oh wait
that's not true oh okay tell me more

rabbi say more into the mic sorry into
the mic i'm sorry sorry absolutely sorry

about let's get back to it

So the thing about Morgan is that she
doesn't understand privacy based on the

fact that all her passwords are one,
two, three, four, and I have a folder

of her nudes on my phone. What the fuck?

God, now I have to change all my
passwords.

Don't smile.

It's not cute.

Hey, how much time do you think until
Mary gets back?

42 minutes, you sick fuck. We are not
going again.

No, I was just thinking, like, we can,
you know.

Have some dessert. Watch something funny
on TV. I love dessert. I love this

idea. What do we have?

You were... I was first.

No, I was clearly first.

Okay, we've got ice cream sandwiches.

Ice cream sandwich.

Thank you, babe.

Hello. Oh, God. Mom.

What? What are you doing here?

I thought we grabbed your key back.

Don't worry. I made a copy.

Could you excuse us for a moment,
please?

Oh, you...

So great to see you too.

That's quite an outfit. Oh, it's my
pleasure.

Very original.

Sweetheart.

You're both half naked.

I mean, it's like a spark has reignited
in this marriage.

Yeah.

But it's not going to last.

It's not? Why?

What do you know? What I know is that
you need to make the most of this

Okay, I mean, I think I am.

Have another baby.

Oh, Mom.

No.

Mary's perfect for one hit wonders.

We're not going to have another baby.
Mary's amazing, but there is only one of

her. And babies, babies are a blessing.

And we need more.

And I can't rely on Noah anymore.

Who knows how long it will take him to
come to his senses.

I could be dead by then.

Oh, Mom.

What? I don't want you to die.

Don't worry.

I will always be with you.

I am going to need that key back.

No.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, sweetheart.

Don't get up or help with any of this
stuff. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know your

arms were broken. Good.

Hey, Henry.

Hey, Noah. Great to see you. How are
you?

I'm okay. I'm okay. Thank you for
asking. They actually hired a new head

at my temple, and so it's been a big
change, and I'm kind of... Hey, do you

to see a picture of the new guy I'm
dating?

Oh, look there.

Cute, right?

Oh, yeah. Tony.

That's one of his chihuahuas. He's got
three.

Three chihuahuas. Yeah. We had a fight
last night, and he still hasn't texted

me. No, Dad. We are focusing on Mom
today.

Right now and for the whole rest of the
day. Okay? All right. I'm serious.

I'm serious, too. Morgan is bringing
Thai food. What's next?

Decorations. Decorations. Okay. Oh,
happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Yay. Oh, my.

Joanne, when do you think this will wrap
up so I can tell Goldie?

I don't think asking when it will end is
really in the spirit of the event, Mom.

Well, you know, I firmly believe you
have to spend your birthday in the

you want to manifest for the coming
year. Because I need peace today. Yeah.

don't want any fighting. I don't want
any fighting. No, there's no fighting.

We're all here to celebrate you, Mom.
Look at all the stuff Noah brought.

And we got donuts.

And he bought a tiara, also these
temporary tattoos that say Girl Power.

them on. It's very inspiring.

Girl Power. Girl Power.

Oh, my God. I always wanted a tramp
stamp.

Today's the day. Girl Power. Let's do
it.

Let's do it. Hi.

Hey.

This is Dr. Andy.

Who? Hi, I am Morgan's boyfriend.

Oh.

But please just call me Andy. Drop the
doctor. I don't need that. Hey, Andy. I

love your pants.

I'm so sorry. I'm confused. Are you an
escort or are you doing a prank?

Oh, my gosh. Well, this is Joanne. Yeah.

Has to be. That's a Joanne response.

Yeah, I know, right? She immediately
just walls up. Anyway, I love it. I'm

so honored to meet all of you all. I
can't wait to get to know you.

I'm going to put this down right there,
I bet. Thank you, baby.

What?

Who is that? He's my boyfriend. I just
told you.

Not bad.

I like him. Thank you.

I think he's sexy. What's going on?

She is fucking nuts if she thinks she's
in charge of me having a whole ass baby.

Is this Handmaid's Tale?

I never saw it past season one, but I
don't think it gets any better for the

gals.

I don't know. I think I hate the idea.
When she first brought it up, I was

absolutely not. Right?

Now that you seem to be like, oh, it's
never going to happen, I don't really

know which way I'm leaning.

No, I mean...

I just loved it when Mary was little and
she'd have a little temper tantrum and

then she'd tire herself out and she'd
fall asleep in my chest. I loved that.

Tosh, we are five years away from being
empty nesters.

We are so close. Think about the stuff
we could do.

You could finally get your ear pierced.
We could take dance class. We could try

new drugs.

We could live in like a cool
neighborhood instead of like right

neighborhood.

We could stay in bed.

All of Sunday, never get out of the bed.
This is the stuff we never got to do

before we had Miri.

All right, rock and roll. I'll do all
that stuff with you. Really?

Uh -huh.

Saj?

Except for the dancing. I'm too tall to
dance.

Hey, who's this Tony guy dad keeps
talking about? I mean, I didn't even

and Pat broke up. Okay, I am not fucking
talking about Pat. What is happening?

How do I not know that you have a
boyfriend?

Who is he?

I mean, where did he come from? How long
has this been going on?

Well... I've known him for a little
while, but this all is very new.

Okay, I saw you less than 24 hours ago,
so... And since then, you've sent me

like a thousand text messages asking
whether or not you have a mustache.

Okay, I was trying to be private while I
figured out how I felt, okay? I do

understand privacy, Joanne. You call me
about everything.

You call me before a date, after a date,
half the time you call me when you're

on the date.

So don't act like it's normal that you
bring some random guy home who I've

even heard of to Mom's birthday and say
he's your boyfriend.

He is not.

Random, all right?

You're not the only one who gets to have
a mature adult partnership.

A mature adult partnership? Yeah. Are we
on the same planet?

You know what?

I'm gonna go help my boyfriend, Andy,
set the table.

Oh, man, I'm telling you, it is just
really hard dating at my age. I wish I

out earlier.

This all wouldn't just feel so new to
me. Trust me, whenever you get out

it's always confusing. We all feel like
we're messing up all the time, you know?

I think you're doing a great job.
Really? I do. I absolutely do. I also

you need to give Tony a text.

I should text him?

Yeah, you should text him.

Become worthy of the relationship you
want.

You're really good at this.

Traditionally, the tops text first.

I'm kidding. I'm not going to tell you
what position I am.

I'm going to text him. Thank you. My
pleasure. Thank you.

Hey. Hey.

Having fun? You know, Henry and I were
bonding.

I think I said something that maybe
landed with him. Great. Well, if you

letting him talk about himself, you'll
become his favorite person.

Hey, can you go get to know Morgan's
boyfriend, you know? And do not come

with just, he's from Ohio. I need
details.

Girl power.

Girl power, thank you.

Oh, hey, Mom, will you help me find the
fun plates in the sauna?

I love the fun plates, okay?

We're pulling them out? Yeah.

I think they're by the snowman.

Let me look.

I can't believe we're pulling them out.
It's here.

No, what's here? Stop looking for the
fun place. Mom, I don't care about the

place, okay? I don't know. Stop, stop.
You told me you wanted the fun place.

Did you know about Dr. Andy? He's so
annoying.

Like, is he even really a real doctor?

He's giving more life coach vibes.

Well, she might have mentioned it. I'm
not sure.

I can never keep up with your sister.
One day she's converting. The next day

she's not converting. Mom, that was me.

Both my girls are wild cards. And you
know, I'm not worried about Morgan's

I have strong intuition.

I like him.

You're wrong. Something's off. It feels
weird. Otherwise, why would she have

kept this from me for even a second? We
tell each other everything. It's like,

what if he's got her in some Ponzi
scheme?

Or a pyramid scheme.

Remember when she lost all her money to
that guy who said he was going to

reinvent the hot dog for millennials,
and she kept saying, it's a hot dog for

us. Maybe he's just married.

No, Morgan's told me about plenty of
married men. That can't be it. Are you

talking about me and Tony?

No, honey.

And here's some delicious rice.

Oh, baby, can you pour me some water so
I don't get dehydrated?

Of course, principessa.

Thank you. Of course. Come here.

I'm here.

Beautiful. So cute.

So how'd you two meet? What's your
story? Give me every little detail.

Okay. Well.

You go. Okay. We met in therapy.

Group therapy.

Well, no, not group therapy.

But that's cool. Keep guessing.

The waiting room.

No, getting warmer, though. Yeah.

All right, let me think here.

The parking lot. No, no, wait.

The elevator from the parking lot. You
met in the elevator. I'm Morgan's

therapist.

Oh.

I wasn't warm at all.

I mean, he's not my therapist anymore.
No, of course, of course.

Yeah, we had our closeout session last
week. Of course. Really intense. He

cried. No, I didn't cry. I wept. You
did.

And you make... It's like a Hallmark
movie where two people pretend to be a

couple for a big family gathering. I
love that movie.

Melissa Joan Hart. People say I look
like her.

What?

I can... Hello.

Oh, hi. Hey, guys.

Was just chatting with Morgan and Dr.
Andy.

I knew it. He's not a real doctor. I
couldn't imagine letting that guy

on me. He's probably a chiropractor.
He's a therapist.

What? Yep. Yep. Yep. Dr. Andy is
Morgan's therapist.

I kissed my therapist once, but he said
it was a trust exercise.

Your responses are alarming. I have to
say, this is a very concerning

Thank you. Someone finally normal. Thank
you. Are couples therapists?

Yeah. Oh, my God.

Where is everybody?

Wow. Did anyone notice a brainwash -y
energy? I'd love to be brainwashed.

What the hell? Are you guys just sitting
out here talking shit about me? He's

your therapist. How do you expect us to
react?

I mean... Here we go again.

Oh, right. And you pick such perfect
relationships too, Joanne, right? Look

Noah. You're a fucking loser, jobless,
almost homeless, ripped your boyfriend.

You know what? Fuck you, bitch.

Oh, Tony texted me back. Thank you,
Noah.

You know what?

Do not compare my relationship to your
mental breakdown.

Right, yeah, because you're doing so
great.

Pretending to care about some tradition
that none of us want to be at because

you need to prove something to your
boyfriend.

No, I don't. And I did tell you my
therapist was in love with me many

I supposed to believe everything you
say? According to you, you could have

Meghan Markle. I said I saw Prince Harry
at a bar and there was a vibe, okay?

And there was a vibe.

You know, why do you think I waited to
tell you I fell for Andy, okay? Because

knew that you would be judgmental about
how we met.

Not that you've even noticed what's
going on with me because you're too

up in your own relationship. You know
what?

You'll suck.

Come on, we're going.

And by the way, this is the first man
I've brought home since my divorce, and

none of you have even tried to get to
know him. Well, I did.

Bullshit. I guess we're still adjusting
to the very jarring fact that you two

are breaking the law by dating.

Andy knows all of my trauma and all of
my baggage, and he accepts me for it.

by the way, you guys are where I got all
my trauma and baggage, so... Oh, this

isn't the energy I want for the rest of
my years. Okay, I'm so done with all of

you. You know, none of you support me.
Not one.

I know our relationship started out in
an unorthodox way.

It's not perfect, but we're really
happy.

Okay. Will you come lay with me?

With your mom in her bed?

She's pretty locked into her movie.

Okay.

But no funny business.

So why is that?

Do you think I'm judgmental?

I mean, I think you're very passionate,
and I think...

Sometimes you jump to extremes and
commit really hard.

I never did that.

Give me one example when I did that. I
mean, you call our sex life

on your podcast.

Oh, wow, you really had that loaded and
ready to go?

Okay. You told me not to say anything
personal about us, so that was me

it. I know. I know you're just trying to
respect my request.

Well... Off the record, obviously.

I know we do some pretty interesting
stuff. Oh, obvi. Just, you know, let

everyone else know.

Can I give you some advice?

Are you my rabbi now? No, just your
boyfriend.

I think you should support Morgan.

I can't.

I can't support her with an unethical
therapist.

I'm not saying to support the
relationship. I just think you should

You know?

I mean, it makes a lot of sense why she
was scared to tell you.

She really cares what you think.

Even though I know she swears she
doesn't.

I guess that's true.

Damn.

You are really good at helping people.

Thank you.

I miss it.

I miss being needed by my community.

Sounds like you need a rabbi, rabbi.

I'm sorry you don't get to do the job
you always dreamed of. I still will.

I'm sorry I pushed you all to celebrate
my way.

I think I've just been channeling my
energies into the wrong places.

I did have fun with your family, though.

And I'll deny it, but I really loved
being the one to tell you all he's your

therapist.

No, rock love.

You're a gossip.

That's against Jewish rules. You told me
that when we met.

Babe, you remember my first Judaism
lesson.

I really love you.

I love you.

What a special moment for the three of
us to share.

Of the energy I want to manifest.

Me too, Lynn.

Hi.

Oh, great. Thanks for ordering a new
one.

Andy suggested we talk, so I'll go
first.

Why does this bother you so much?
Because he's your therapist. Okay,

knows every single thing about me, and
he still loves me. I want my, you know,

fairy tale, too.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I get it. I will try and do my
best to give him a chance.

Thank you.

Today I'll be discussing Parshat
Beshalach.

Now, after the Jews' departure from
Egypt...

They had their freedom, but they had no
food and no shelter.

They wandered through the wilderness
without knowing what would happen next.

Rabbi Rockland at my house. Hey, what's
all this? Have a seat.

Yeah, I was just in the pool. I was
practicing for my stupid lesson.

The wife and I are getting certified.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. So you're enjoying it.

Retirement. Yeah, and you know, the part
of your life you didn't plan for.

I'd say I'm asking for a friend, but I
think we both know that's not true.

And that's the point of faith, right?

It doesn't exist in the plans we make.

It exists in the unknown.

Otherwise, tough decisions would be
easy. There'd be no risk.

All right, now that's a cute baby.

Now, the moment after you take a leap of
faith, that's the scariest time.

You know what? Fuck it. Let's do it.
What?

Let's have another baby.

She's not that cute.

Because you can't go back.

You don't know if it'll work out.

I've been freaking the fuck out about
not working.

Avoided it for years.

Turns out, I feel my most free when I'm
in the water.

Never could have planned for that.

But if you don't risk...

you might not experience life.

You might never learn if that person is
right for you or if you love to

swim.

Here's what I do know.

Over these last few days, I've been
reminded that there are people who need

what I have to give.

This new guy is a great rabbi because we
know what we're getting.

You are a great rabbi because you think
outside the box. So trust yourself.

Figure it out.

Now, this congregation has begun its
next chapter.

And it's not what I had planned.

So now I need to find my next chapter
too.

It's been an honor. It's been a
privilege getting to know you.

I love you all.

And I plan to see you many more times
throughout the years.

It's time for me to wander through the
wilderness.

Oh, my God.

This will be my final sermon at Temple
High.

My dirty secret in an old coat pocket My
dirty laundry underneath

your bed I had a dream of edgy in my
kitchen And

now you're in my head You're living in
my head

A palomino and a middle index.

I wasn't wild, but I could have been.

I like the way you answer all my
questions.

Can I see you again?

Can I see you again?

If I want to.

If I have you on my mind.

If I'm patient.

if it's complicated then it's
complicated