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The following programme contains
strong language.
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- Do you want to marry me?
- Like you
- wouldn't believe.
- Remember when
3
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,799
we'd been going out for six months?
You made me that little silver heart.
4
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,759
I am to move to the
historic town of Middlesbrough.
5
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If I'm not his father, who is?
Keckers.
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♪ And then she smiles
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♪ And my heart starts beating
8
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♪ I go weak inside. ♪
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Oak? How do you actually
spell your name? Is it O-R-K?
10
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No, it's O-A-K. Oak, isn't it?
Like the tree. Douche bag.
11
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,679
Hey, brother,
who cares about spelling?
12
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It's just another form
of social imprisonment. Aarggh!
13
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DOG BARKS
Coming through!
14
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Pontyberry's newest and finest
directeur de funerale! Sorry, babe.
15
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,959
Love and light.
Anyone fancy some porridge?
16
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Oh, no way.
It's like eating papier mache.
17
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You don't look the type
to eat porridge, Stell.
18
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,479
I always think of you
as a bit of a sausage muncher.
19
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Yeah, well, I'm trying
to lose a stone, aren't I?
20
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,839
What for?
Nothing!
21
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,999
I noticed you put on
a bit since I've been away.
22
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,879
- Oh!
- None of us needs
a body, you know.
23
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,959
It's the milk inside
the coconut that counts,
not the hairy hoary shell.
24
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,439
What are you saying, Oak,
that I'm a hairy hoary shell?
25
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,679
In a way, yeah.
- Nice.
- Well, good God!
26
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,719
I have seen it all now!
27
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,599
That Michael Jackson
moving boxes and all sorts
28
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:54,559
into his garden shed!
Don't tell me he finally left you?
29
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,559
Oh, shut up! He's turning it
into an office that's all.
30
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Till he finds somewhere
more permanent.
31
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,639
Oh, how the mighty have fallen, eh?
32
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,079
One minute,
a high-flying City lawyer
33
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,119
on the banks of the Southbank,
34
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:12,079
next thing, setting up office
on a Pontyberry allotment!
35
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:16,199
But ewe are!
Right, you lot clear, up after you.
36
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,679
I'm taking Michael his porridge.
37
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:23,999
She's nothing but a slave
to that man. No pride.
38
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,479
Skivvying around him like
whatshername from Downton.
39
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,080
But I'll say it again, ewe are.
40
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,280
Ah!
41
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,399
Sex after breakfast, this is so...
42
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,839
Decadent?
I was going to say naughty
43
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,559
but decadent sounds so much better.
44
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,960
Oh! Oh!
45
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,759
Do you know what? I've been
in this bed a few times...
46
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,639
You most certainly have...
And I always wonder,
47
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,920
why you've only
got one bedside table?
48
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,279
Oh!
49
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,480
Well, I haven't
had need of two before.
50
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,959
After the divorce, I...
Dad!
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Guess who's home from Ibiza?!
52
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,479
Jasminder!
Yanto said you'd gone back to bed.
53
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,359
Are you ill or...? What the fuck?
54
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,280
Jasminder. I'm sorry but this...
55
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:22,640
This is exactly what it looks like.
56
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,280
I can't believe you haven't told her!
57
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,519
Not even Katie?
No.
58
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,639
Or Ben or Luke or Emma?
No!
59
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,519
Surely we can tell Banjo.
Go on then.
60
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,959
Banjo, Stella and I
are getting married.
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00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,999
But you're not to breathe a word.
OK?
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00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,879
HE WHIMPERS
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00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,119
Ooh, I've ordered my dress.
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00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,999
It's a size too small but I thought
that would give me a goal,
65
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,159
you know, like,
two months to lose a stone.
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00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,319
I'm going up to
Dr Cronje's now in a bit,
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00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,359
to get some of them
slimming tablets.
68
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,599
Why do women always buy dresses a
size smaller than they actually are?
69
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,039
Why not just buy the right size?
70
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,159
You know nothing about
female psychology, do you?
71
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,919
You can say that again.
72
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,599
What if Beyonce isn't lying?
73
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,680
What if Jackson really isn't my boy?
74
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,799
I miss him so much, Stell,
but I don't even know
if he's mine to miss.
75
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,879
Look, for what it's worth,
I was there when that baby was born
76
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,919
and he was the splitting
- image of you.
- Spitting im...
77
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,639
It's spitting image not splitting.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
78
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:33,199
Anyway, when babies are new-born they
look like their dads, apparently,
79
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,839
harks back to when we were
apes or lions or something...
80
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:41,279
Lions? Are you sure?
And that baby was definitely yours.
81
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,439
Now, I might be wrong about it,
of course I might.
82
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,480
But I don't think I am.
83
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,679
Is it definitely
spitting image not splitting?
84
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,000
Yeah.
Hmm!
85
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,599
I thought we could pop down
the market today, Nads.
86
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,599
Angry Paul says he's got some
cracking new stuff on the stall,
87
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,039
like these wind-up squirrels,
ever so lifelike.
88
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,759
They've got, er,
89
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,719
grey and a red
90
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:14,039
and a dusty pink and er...
91
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,679
"Nadine, I know
you are angry but, please,
92
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,719
"meet me at the bench at two.
93
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,999
"I must with you speak."
94
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,039
We've got to get one
for Genevieve, like.
95
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,359
Yeah, whatevs.
I do love Angry Paul.
96
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,480
Cracking sense of humour.
97
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,480
You seem to have brought
half of Ibiza back with you.
98
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,959
- Where's Danny?
- Still out there.
He's got a job in a bar.
99
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:49,319
- You've split up?
- No, we haven't
split up. I'm going back next week.
100
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,999
I popped home for a few days to
surprise you and what do I find?
101
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,519
You're sleeping with the pub
- cleaner!
- She is not the pub
- cleaner.
- Yes, she is!
102
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- She is my love!
- Oh, please!
Who happens to be the pub cleaner.
103
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,199
But it's all so seedy,
Dad, the whole thing.
104
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,040
I mean, what's
she really after, hmm?
105
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,400
I thought you might
want this for your laundry.
106
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,120
It's an ironing board.
107
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,600
Stella.
What are you doing here?
108
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:30,239
Baby's not ill, is he?
No, it's just a check-up.
109
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,199
Hello, sweetheart.
See, I do care about my baby.
110
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,479
I know it's a shock.
Why are you here? You sick?
111
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,559
No, just fat.
112
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,080
So long!
113
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,799
Listen, presh,
114
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,119
about Michael.
115
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,040
Oh!
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00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,599
Carole!
117
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:05,079
I will not leave this doorstep
until you believe me when I say
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I do not care one toot
what anybody says or thinks!
119
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,599
Especially Jasminder,
who may be my daughter,
120
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,879
but she is very misguided. Because
I think you are a wonderful person.
121
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,279
Well, thank you very much!
122
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,999
Sorry, Jamie. Is your mother there?
123
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,080
Who wants to know?
124
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,560
HE SPEAKS ARABIC
125
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,639
Yeah, I'm just
setting up my new office.
126
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,599
Can I call you later when I've had a
chance to look through the contract?
127
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,199
Shukran. And we can
arrange to meet next week.
128
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,159
HE SPEAKS ARABIC
129
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,919
Ah, he's got green fingers
and he speaks Arabic.
130
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,079
His talents are never ending!
I'm not very good at crosswords.
131
00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,719
That was my new boss. And this is
- my new and temporary office.
- Hmm!
132
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:04,319
What time do you leave for London?
About five.
133
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,399
Michael, can we talk?
134
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,679
Look, put him out of his misery.
135
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:12,759
If Michael isn't Jackson's dad,
then it's going to kill him.
136
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,119
But he needs to know
so he can get on with his life.
137
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,519
And what if he is?
If he is,
138
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:21,479
then I promise I will persuade
him not to go for custody.
139
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,560
What do you say?
140
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,279
I say stop sticking
your bloody oar in.
141
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,280
Beyonce Evans, Dr Cronje, please.
142
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,320
Please, Beyonce...
Come on, bibs.
143
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,879
No-one likes sorting out their will.
144
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:44,480
Up until recently,
I thought I was immortal.
145
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,679
My lawyer in Canada has a copy,
146
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,359
I thought it would be a good idea
for you to have one as well.
147
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,080
You don't mind, do you?
No, of course not.
148
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,879
Does Stella know you're doing this?
149
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,919
No, and I'd rather
you didn't mention it.
150
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,719
Don't want her getting upset and
the less she knows, the better.
151
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,679
You know what she's like,
she'll worry.
152
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,919
You still love her, don't you, Rob?
153
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,920
She's the mother of my son.
That's not what I asked you.
154
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,160
She's very difficult not to love.
155
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:27,239
Suzanne and I are having
a pub lunch. Fancy joining us?
156
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,599
Yeah, why not.
A sort of farewell meal
157
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,520
before I'm stuck on hospital
food for a fortnight, God help me.
158
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,159
I'm glad she met you, Michael.
159
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,800
So am I.
160
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,239
Ha! Two glasses of white wine, please.
161
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,759
Coming right up.
So where to is Abhra?
162
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,079
Oak have taken him water divining.
163
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,799
Oh, there's a lot of it about.
Water, I mean.
164
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,319
I've only got an hour because I've
got to get back and pack for London.
165
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,319
You know me and Luke
- are going up with Rob?
- Yeah.
166
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:21,279
I've been focusing on his recovery,
in my meditations, like.
167
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,039
Have you? Right.
168
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:28,160
I can't believe you've been back
a week and I'm only now seeing you!
169
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,039
Have I got something in my tooth?
170
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,079
I'm connecting with your aura.
171
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,839
Oh!
Hiya!
172
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,319
Oh, there's your mam. Hiya!
173
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,879
Oh, she wasn't connecting
with your aura was she, presh?
174
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,919
Er, yeah... Emma, behave
and say hello to Suzanne.
175
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,639
- Namaste.
- We're having lunch,
if you want to join us?
176
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,119
Er, no time for eating.
We've got drinking to do!
177
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,840
THEY LAUGH
178
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,839
♪ Ooh, you're making me live
179
00:10:56,840 --> 00:11:00,679
♪ Whatever this world
can give to me...
180
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:04,079
Me and Oak speak Punjabi
when we're making love.
181
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,159
Oh, it's such a beautiful language.
182
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,959
You must be pretty fluent then,
are you?
183
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,000
SHE SPEAKS PUNJABI
184
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,079
You have a small duck?
185
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,920
Child. I mean child.
186
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,959
♪ I've been with you such a long time
187
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,999
♪ You're my sunshine
188
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,519
♪ And I want you to know...
189
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,999
So, you got a job now then, Zo?
190
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,199
Yeah, and it's been proper
life changing, you know,
191
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,279
having some independence, not just
looking after the kids all day.
192
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,519
You'll never catch me being
tied down by kids or a job.
193
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,079
Life's for living as far as I'm
- concerned.
- I'm not tied down.
194
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,879
Oak says that to pray is to work
195
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,799
and that bringing up a child is the
most noble thing a person can do.
196
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,839
Sounds amazing.
Does he?
197
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,399
Is Oak his real name?
It's his spirit name.
198
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,559
But Stella said
he was born in Warrington,
199
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:58,040
so what did his mum
- and dad call him?
- Donald.
200
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,720
♪ Ooh, you make me live
201
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,519
♪ Whenever this world is cruel to me
202
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,559
♪ I got you to help me forgive...
203
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,319
Oh, my God! So I told my dad
what I thought of his girlfriend
204
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,639
this morning and she only
went and bloody overheard!
205
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,799
Oh, you mean Carole?
She's good as gold, she is.
206
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,679
But he can do so much better.
Jas, don't be so mean!
207
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,919
She's beautiful, I think.
And really kind.
208
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:28,919
You don't even know her, do you?
SHE SPEAKS PUNJABI
209
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,639
Emma, you're getting on my tits!
It is a bit annoying to be fair.
210
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,079
I can't even understand
what you're saying! It don't
sound nothing like Punjabi.
211
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:39,399
Maybe you don't understand because
you've forgotten how to speak it.
- Emma!
- Christ, listen to you!
212
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,919
You spend a year there, you
think you're Delhi born and bred.
213
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,919
- Jas!
- I'm just saying you've been
Westernised and that's really sad.
214
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,439
Emma!
I was born in Leeds for God's sake!
215
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,439
You were born in Ponty-bloody-berry!
We're meant to be having fun,
216
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,319
this is meant to be a laugh!
Come on, we haven't
seen each other for yonks.
217
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,639
Yeah, well, I wish
I'd stayed in Ibiza now.
218
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,999
You're only interested
in talking about work and kids
219
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,319
and you think you're bloody Indian!
Oh, I'm going home!
220
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,239
I'm at peace with myself, Jas.
It's freaking me out!
221
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,280
Oh, go back to your
weirdo of a boyfriend!
222
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,639
♪ Oh, you're my best friend...
223
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,599
Oh, my God! I love meringue and all.
Well, order one then! Excuse me!
224
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,359
No, I can't. I'll just have a bit
of yours. Don't count then, do it?
225
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,559
She used to say that
about cigarettes.
226
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,639
THEY LAUGH
227
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,359
Aww! Not exactly pining
after your son are you, Mike?
228
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,439
Beyonce.
How's it hanging, Rob?
229
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,159
- Er, yeah, fine.
- I heard
you was up London having an op?
230
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,999
Sorry. I don't think
we've been introduced?
231
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,839
This is the mother of Michael's baby.
232
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:40,479
Well we're not 100%, like.
In fact, that's what I come to say.
233
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,039
I've had a think about what
Stella said this morning and if...
234
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,839
What do you mean what Stella said?
And if you promise on his life
235
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,119
you won't go for custody...
What's she talking about?
236
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:52,199
Can we not do this right now?
She said if I did the test, she'd
make sure you didn't go for custody,
237
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,199
- didn't you Stell?
- Why did you say
- that?
- Hang on, it wasn't like that.
238
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,199
Oh! Boncey!
Oh, Lord!
239
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,559
Do one, Keckers. I'm talking.
I don't care!
240
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,119
You haven't answered my calls.
I want to know if that's my kid.
This is so humiliating.
241
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,239
Shall I order some coffees?
If he's mine, fine.
242
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,839
If he's not, I'm not having
you screwing me out of every penny
243
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,119
I got just to pay for
some posh bloke's sprog.
244
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,399
- Or a cheeseboard?
- Truth is,
I don't know whose it is, OK?
245
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:17,399
I done it that time with you
up the Wenno and you
the week after up my house.
246
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,559
What about Kelly Jenkins's 21st?
Oh, yeah.
247
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,959
Do you think they do a cheeseboard?
And down the alley back
of Drink n' Save.
248
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,879
Right. Beyonce, this is ridiculous.
249
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,479
You have got to sort
this out once and for all.
250
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,719
Yes, um, I'll arrange
to get the test done privately.
251
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,759
No need, Mikey boy.
252
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,799
We're going on Selena Child.
253
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,359
- - No, we're not.
- What?
- Yes, we are.
I spoke to them this morning.
254
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:40,159
What is Selena Child
She's a Welsh Jeremy Kyle.
We're not going on Selena Child, OK?
255
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,319
What is Jeremy Kyle
English Jerry Springer.
256
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,199
They want us on tomorrow afternoon.
Will they pay travel?
257
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,439
- They're putting on a bus!
- Aye, all
right! Yeah, I'm down with that.
258
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,159
Are you serious? Selena Child's
a monster! She destroys people.
259
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,439
You're a solicitor,
no different to being in court!
Why not? Three of my mates
260
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,999
have done their paternity on there.
It saves a fortune by all accounts.
261
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,319
Well, you're on your own because
I'm not going anywhere near it!
Well, suit yourself.
262
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:06,679
I'll let you know the outcome.
Come on. Come with me.
263
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,880
What about a brandy, anyone?
264
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,839
Karl thinks I'm jogging,
so get on with it.
265
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,879
How are you? Are you well?
266
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,239
Listen, Ivan, I've been pushed
and pulled from pillow to post.
267
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,559
One minute I'm kissed,
the next I'm rejected
268
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,719
and quite frankly I can't take
no more! So what do you want?!
269
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,799
To explain all of this actions.
270
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,120
Well, go on then!
271
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:43,079
I was once a married man.
272
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:47,079
My wife she was a dancer -
Rita Renee.
273
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,119
Legs like a willow
and the queen of plie.
274
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,079
Very nice, I'm sure.
275
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,959
We were happy for a while.
276
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,879
And then Rita Renee she fell in love
277
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,719
with a ballerina from Hull
called Malcolm.
278
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,839
A ballerina?
Did he wear a tutu and that?
279
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,519
He was in the corps de ballet.
He wore not a tutu.
280
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:08,039
Just a cynical smile upon his cheek
281
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,119
and a guilty pleasure in his eye.
Go on.
282
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,559
Rita she left me for Malcolm
and my heart it broke.
283
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,719
And I vowed I would never to another
man do what he to me had done.
284
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,559
And then I met you, a married woman.
285
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,039
A happily married woman.
286
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,480
Or at least I was
up until a few weeks ago.
287
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:33,919
Miss Bevarn, you have
shaken to its core my world.
288
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:38,079
Tell me about it. My whole life
have gone to cock since I met you.
289
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,119
If I do not ask you this,
290
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,760
I will live with regret
until my dying breath.
291
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,999
I have here a ticket,
292
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,159
a one-way ticket
293
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,280
to Middlesbrough.
294
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,399
I want you to come away with me.
295
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,440
You and Genevieve.
296
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,560
There is no ticket for her,
children may travel
for free until the age of five.
297
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,919
Hang on a minute, me and Gen just
can't up sticks and head north!
298
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,319
What do you think we are,
a travelling circus?
299
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:16,560
Please. Say no more. Merely think
upon it and let me know.
300
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:27,039
OK, hotel details on my phone,
overnight bags packed separately,
301
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,839
- purse, laptop.
- DVDs? Because
I'm going to be so bored.
302
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,039
I've put that horror film
in I was telling you about.
303
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,679
- Nice.
- Can I leave you the keys
to the cottage, Stella?
304
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,559
Then you can maybe put the heating
on for when we get back.
305
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,479
Which will be sooner than you think.
306
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,479
Oh, God!
307
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,839
Oh, come here. You'll start me off!
308
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,759
- Sorry.
- Bloody women, honestly.
They cry at the drop of a hat.
309
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,799
Oi! Just because you're ill,
doesn't mean you can be sexist.
310
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,359
You spoil all the fun, you do.
Hm!
311
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,320
Right. Go, you.
312
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,759
Good luck, Rob.
Thank you.
313
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,120
Right, come on.
I want to get me behind that wheel.
314
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,800
You all right?
Yeah.
315
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,319
Stella, there's
something I want to do.
316
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,199
Oh, now, don't be worrying about that
stupid TV show because it'll be
317
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,319
over and forgotten with before
- you know it.
- No, it's not that.
318
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,359
It's silly really.
It's something I've been
carrying round with me for days.
319
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,440
A guilty secret?
No.
320
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,040
This.
321
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,599
Oh, you gorgeous beautiful man.
322
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,639
I know we want it to be a secret
323
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,840
but I want people
to know how lucky I am.
324
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,200
♪ Your love is lifting me higher
325
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,359
♪ Than I've ever been lifted before
326
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,599
♪ So keep it up... ♪
327
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,719
You'll be Stella Jackson.
I know! Sounds good, don't it?
328
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,959
Better than Morris, I've got to say.
Which was better than Kosh.
329
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,399
Aw, Mam, that's wicked.
I'm well chuffed.
330
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,359
Can me and Little Al do your wedding
- video?
- Well, the thing is, presh,
331
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:35,439
um, we want to keep it
really low-key.
332
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,679
You know, just the two of us
and two witnesses.
333
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,159
What? You're not inviting us? Your
- own children?
- Mum, that's rank!
334
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,239
FLY BUZZES
Titali. Negativity...
335
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,559
Well, I'm sorry but it is!
I wanted Abhra to be a pageboy.
336
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,759
Never mind Abhra, I want
- to be pageboy!
- Do you? Why?
337
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,959
- Not pageboy, best man.
- You said
- - pageboy.
- I didn't!
- Yes, you did!
338
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,999
- I didn't!
- Did!
I've just spoken to Katie.
339
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,719
She's happy for us but not pleased
that we're not inviting her.
340
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,280
- - See?
- See?
- Right, well,
just the kids then, yeah?
341
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,720
What in the name of Scritti Politti
is going on? I've just heard
you're getting married!
342
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,719
- Who told you?
- Who told you?
And you haven't invited me,
343
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,239
the Mayor of Pontyberry
and your own flesh and blood!
344
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,279
Have it really come to this?!
345
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,799
Eh! Congratulations.
- We heard you got engaged.
- Oh!
346
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,159
Yeah. Nice. Well done.
Let's see the ring.
347
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,639
Yeah, nice. Well done.
So, when's the big day?
348
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,399
Yes, when is the big day?
This is why...
349
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,240
On a Saturday, I'll have time off.
This is our wedding!
350
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:55,359
Don't have a go, all right.
Head can't take it.
351
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,639
I heard you went clubbing?
352
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:02,079
This place was doing my head in.
Mates have all changed.
353
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,119
Don't know why
I bothered coming back.
354
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:07,039
Well, your dad's really
- pleased you did.
- Him?
355
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,759
SHE SCOFFS
What does he care?
356
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,800
He's all loved up with his new
girlfriend. Oh, no offence!
357
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,239
I really like him, you know, Jas.
358
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,479
I'm not some wicked witch
coming to steal him away.
359
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,520
I know.
360
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,439
Look, I'm sorry
for what I said yesterday.
361
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,559
I shout my mouth off sometimes
and I don't think.
362
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:39,519
And I've got to say I haven't
seen my dad this happy in ages,
363
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,200
so you must be
doing something right.
364
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,120
Them robes leave nothing
to the imagination, do they?
365
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,839
Very well ventilated,
that's for sure.
366
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:57,160
- Where's Suzanne?
- Her and Zoe
are just chatting to the nurse.
367
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,239
So, you all right?
368
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,039
As I'll ever be.
369
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:08,079
Hey, I bet you're gutted you're
missing the Selena Child show?
370
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,039
Yeah. I'll never forgive you.
371
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,319
Look, er, if I don't...
372
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,959
You know... Let's not have
this conversation, is it?
373
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,720
No, everything's just
taken care of, that's all.
374
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:27,400
And I don't say this nearly often
enough but I love you, Luke.
375
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,160
I'm really proud that you're my son.
376
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,999
Just hurry up and get well,
will you?
377
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,040
You stubborn old bastard.
378
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,719
OK, the porters are here now,
Mr Morgan. Shall we get on with it?
379
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,760
Got nothing better to do.
380
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,279
I just heard from Luke.
Rob's gone down to theatre.
381
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,279
Bless him.
- Hm!
- You all right?
382
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:32,039
Not really. Me and Oak,
our energies have collided.
383
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,399
You mean you've fallen out.
Yeah.
384
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,080
Where to's he now then?
Gone off in a huff up Warrington.
385
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:43,919
Oh, I don't know, Mam.
I can't keep it up no longer,
386
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,959
being all deep and mystical.
387
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,159
I try my best
but I just get confused.
388
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,999
I say okra instead of chakra
and korma instead of karma.
389
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,719
And I got no idea what
consciousness expansion do mean.
390
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,919
It was easier in India, it's like
a different world out there.
391
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:06,119
But being back in Pontyberry
made me go all Welsh again.
392
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,439
Oh, Em, you're so lovely.
393
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,479
And if he don't like the real you,
394
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,599
then there's not much point,
is there?
395
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,879
I know. To be honest,
396
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:21,039
if he wasn't so good at oral sex,
- I'd have ditched him long ago!
- Emma!
397
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,080
SHE LAUGHS
398
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,759
You defo not going
to this Selena Child thing?
399
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,879
No. Though, I'm starting
to think we should've gone
400
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,879
because that poor baby is going
to grow up knowing his mother
401
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,599
was called a slapper
on some trashy TV show.
402
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,960
It's not too late, you know.
Where to's Michael?
403
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,079
♪ You have my heart
and we'll never be worlds apart...
404
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:51,160
Can I remind everybody, smoking
is not permitted in the studio.
405
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:56,519
Hi, guys. OK, can I just check,
are you all here for
406
00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:00,039
My Sister's Really My Uncle
or Who's the Daddy? It Ain't Me.
407
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,479
Who's The Daddy? It Ain't Me.
408
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,479
Eh, can't stick my cans
in a fridge for me, can you, beaut?
Strictly no alcohol in the studio.
409
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:10,319
Woah! I paid a quid for them!
Right, shall we go near the cameras?
410
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,360
I'm not bothered really.
411
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,560
Ah-ah-ah! Sorry, we're in by there.
412
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,999
What's up, chick?
Nothing.
413
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,519
It's Ivan, isn't it?
414
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,759
Bobs, he've asked me
- to go away with him.
- Oh!
415
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,919
- To Middlesbrough.
- Ohh!
- On a train.
- Ohhh!
416
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,239
All right, stop gasping.
Sorry.
417
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,159
He leaves tomorrow on the 11:37.
418
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,680
It's such a mess.
Awww!
419
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:46,079
Excuse me, I need to urgently
speak with one of your
contributors Beyonce Evans.
420
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,879
- Sorry, who are you?
- Michael Jackson.
Oh, pff! Yeah, right.
421
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,719
He's the father of Beyonce's child.
At least, we think he is.
422
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,639
Look, she can't go on the show.
It's not fair on the baby.
423
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,079
PHONE TRILLS
424
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,759
It's Luke. Luke?
425
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,679
Do you want to come with
- me a minute?
- Any news?
426
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:07,399
So what I'd like to see is
no fighting, no swearing,
427
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,479
no punching, no spitting.
That doesn't bastard leave us much.
428
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,159
THEY LAUGH
429
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,679
Well, can't they tell you anything?
"Nah."
430
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,839
Only that he'll be in
at least another two hours.
431
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,559
Oh, God! I'm sorry
I'm not there with you, presh.
432
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,839
Hey, it's better this way.
Anyway, Michael needs you.
433
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,919
Hm! You all right, are you, Lukey?
434
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,839
Yeah you know me, Mam.
Nerves of steel.
435
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,359
"Go play havoc with
that Selena Child."
436
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:35,199
Hm! I love you.
437
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,240
Yeah ,I love you too.
438
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:42,199
But there is no bloody story!
But there is doubt over the
baby's paternity, isn't there?
439
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,840
Well, yes.
So let's resolve it.
440
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,719
Oh, my God! I've just seen Andy
the weatherman in the bogs.
441
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,519
- Oh, I like him.
- And you'll
never guess who else I saw.
442
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,159
Michael Jackson.
Don't be daft, man, he's dead!
443
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:06,279
No! Our Michael. He's rowing
- with the producer.
- Cockin' cock!
444
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,799
Hold on to your hats, Marj,
we're in for a bumpy ride.
445
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,359
THEY LAUGH
446
00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,399
Er, excuse me,
you can't go through there!
447
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,439
Er, no, I'm looking for my fiance!
448
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,079
Stell! Over by here!
449
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,959
Right, move up.
450
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,760
Shift it!
451
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:29,519
Oh, my God. Where to's Michael?
- OK, standby, studio.
- I wish I knew.
452
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,839
Going in three, two, one...
453
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,919
She's fit,
she's fearless, she's feisty.
454
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:41,319
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Selena Child.
455
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
456
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,519
On today's show,
the sexually irrepressible
457
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,519
and irresponsible woman
who can't make up her mind.
458
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,359
We ask, who's the daddy?
459
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,119
"I'm Selena Child."
460
00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:06,999
"APPLAUSE"
Oh, my God!
461
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,119
There's Bobby in the audience.
And Nadine!
462
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,439
Ha-ha! This is hilarious.
463
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,959
Where have you been?
It's just getting good.
464
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,799
I've been shopping to buy this.
465
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:18,879
- A bedside table.
- Yes.
466
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,840
I was wondering if...
467
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,840
Carole, would you
do me the honour of...
468
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,240
...of moving in with me?
And Jamie, of course.
469
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:35,800
Well, you've bought me a bedside
table. How could I possibly refuse?
470
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,919
You've been with half theBLEEP
town! Even Dougie Bucket and Spade!
471
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,519
BLEEPI've been nowhere near
Dougie Bucket and Spade.
472
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,319
Well, even I heard that one,
- to be fair.
- Yeah, and me!
473
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,559
Come off it! Who haven't been with
Dougie Bucket andBLEEPSpade?
474
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:57,159
All right, calm it down.
I even heard youBLEEPhave, Nadine!
475
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,719
OK, can it!
Oh, yes!
476
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:01,479
Don't beBLEEPdisgusting!
477
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,599
Woah!
Ohhhh!
478
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,159
The issue here is not
how many men she's slept with
479
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,559
but which one got her pregnant.
480
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,799
You, woman with the hair,
eating a pastie,
481
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,679
what have you got to say
about all this?
482
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,039
Me? I'm Mayor of Pontyberry,
483
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:23,479
I'm impartial. So is Glen.
Yes.
484
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,519
Let's turn now to
the third player in the story.
485
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,079
He didn't want to come on here today,
is it because he's too ashamed?
486
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,320
Let's find out. Michael, come on out.
487
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,999
Loo! He's on the bloody stage!
488
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,999
This is bloody ludicrous.
Ooh!
489
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:42,919
We've got a posh boy here, have we?
490
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,759
I bet you're hoping to hell
that kid isn't yours?
491
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:49,759
Actually...
Yes, he is! Come on, Michael!
492
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,999
...more than anything in the world,
I hope he is.
493
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,280
Ohhh!
494
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,439
- What's happening now?
- She's just
- about to reveal the father.
- Ssh!
495
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,880
The father of baby Jackson is...
496
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,159
Michael!
497
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:43,679
Yes!
498
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,439
Of course it's Michael!
Yes!
499
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:48,480
Nice one.
500
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,080
To Michael cockin' Jackson!
THEY CHEER
501
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,720
Beyonce?
502
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,679
What you did was outrageous.
If there was the slightest doubt
503
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,919
he wasn't mine, you should've
told me from the start.
504
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,639
I always wanted him to be yours.
Why? Because I'll give
- you more hand-outs?
- No,
505
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,679
Because you'll be a better dad.
506
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,799
You're nice.
507
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,959
Right, well, we need to make
a proper arrangement.
508
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,719
A proper routine, so that me
and Stella can have him, OK?
509
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,239
Fine by me. Oh, there's something
- else we've got to do.
- Go on.
510
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,479
We've got to go register the birth.
Yeah, of course.
511
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,679
I've chosen a middle name,
it's Germaine.
512
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,559
Jackson Germaine Jackson?
513
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,639
SHE LAUGHS
514
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,679
I'm kidding. No, I thought
it should be Michael,
515
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,760
after his dad, like.
Jackson Michael Jackson.
516
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,880
That boy is going to get
so ribbed at school.
517
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:46,760
Cheers, Jacko.
Cheers.
518
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,040
Got there in the end, didn't we?
519
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,679
Michael! That was Luke.
520
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,159
Rob's come round, everything is fine.
521
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,920
Oh, thank God. Thank God.
522
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,680
CHEERING
523
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,399
ANNOUNCEMENT JINGLE
524
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:29,999
"The train on platform four
is the 11:37 to Middlesbrough."
525
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,360
"This train will depart
in seven minutes."
526
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,039
Benny! Benny!
"The train on platform four
527
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,479
"is the 11:37 to Middlesbrough."
ALARM SOUNDS
528
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,160
I told you to keep an eye on it,
you doughnut!
529
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,840
Don't panic! Don't panic!
Ivan!
530
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,599
Conchita!
531
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:02,760
ROMANTIC AND DRAMATIC PIANO PLAYS
532
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,559
SHE COUGHS
533
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:25,319
Christ! This smoke
is suffocating me. Disgusting!
534
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,360
I cannot believe mine eyes!
535
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,839
Ivan, I'm not coming with you.
536
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,280
I just come to say goodbye.
537
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,359
No matter how much Karl annoys me,
538
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,399
or makes stupid jokes,
539
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,920
or stands on my feet
when we dance,...
540
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,679
he loves me.
541
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,959
And we've got Genevieve.
542
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,000
I just couldn't do it to him.
543
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,800
They gave me a refund on
the ticket, by the way.
544
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:02,560
Thank you.
545
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000
Tell me one thing, Nadine.
546
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,560
Did you ever love me?
547
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,759
Did I ever?
548
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,480
I still do. I always will.
549
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,000
Out the way, love.
Got a big fire hose coming through.
550
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,920
TRAIN WHISTLE
551
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,760
SHE COUGHS
552
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,399
KNOCK ON DOOR
553
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,039
Hello.
Look out. More visitors.
554
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:01,119
You got here quickly.
Yeah. Michael's just parking the car.
555
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:05,799
- How's he doing?
- Please don't talk
about me like I'm not in the room.
556
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,399
Oh, he's doing all right then.
OK.
557
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,719
I think we could all do
with stretching our legs.
558
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:13,399
Stella will look
after you for five minutes.
559
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,080
We've drunk that much coffee,
I tell you.
560
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,519
I bet I look bloody awful.
561
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,359
I've seen you looking
slightly more handsome.
562
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,840
But only slightly.
563
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,239
Rob...
You and Michael are getting married.
564
00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:43,519
What is it with you?
How did you know?
565
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,840
You're wearing an
engagement ring for starters.
566
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,879
Anyway, I approve. I think
he's a thoroughly decent chap
567
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,079
and he won't stand
for any of your nonsense.
568
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,119
Oi, you!
569
00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,160
KNOCK ON DOOR
570
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:04,200
I've just got to do his checks.
Do you mind waiting outside?
- Won't be long.
- Of course.
571
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:19,080
It's all good, sweetheart. All good.
572
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,999
Suzanne, you watch, you'll
be talking with a Welsh accent
by the time you leave for Canada.
573
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:34,159
It's a lovely cottage, maybe you
should live there permanently, like.
574
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,319
You're just after extra babysitters.
- Michael!
- Oh, don't listen to him!
575
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,199
Promise me you'll
bring them to Canada soon.
576
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,479
There's so much for kids
to do out there.
577
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,759
When you say kids, I hope
you're including Luke in that
578
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,439
because he's the biggest kid of
- them all.
- What's going on?
579
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,559
You want to see him playing with
- Jack, he's so competitive.
- I know!
580
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,440
♪ How long will I love you?
581
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,520
♪ As long as stars are above you
582
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,359
♪ And longer if I can
583
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,959
DIALOGUE MUTED
584
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,000
♪ How long will I need you?
585
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,880
♪ As long as the seasons need to
586
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,000
♪ Follow their plan
587
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,840
♪ How long will I be with you?
588
00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:27,120
♪ As long as the sea is bound to
589
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,240
♪ Wash upon the sand
590
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:35,720
♪ How long will I want you?
591
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:40,640
♪ As long as you want me to
592
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,840
♪ And longer by far
593
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,160
♪ How long will I hold you?
594
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,640
♪ As long as your father told you
595
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,280
♪ As long as you can
596
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,360
♪ How long will I give to you?
597
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:08,680
♪ As long as I live through you
598
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,280
♪ However long you say
599
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,640
♪ How long will I love you?
600
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,240
♪ As long as stars are above you
601
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:28,439
♪ And longer, if I may
602
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:36,840
♪ Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh
603
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,840
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh
604
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:42,680
♪ Ooh-ooh
605
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,800
♪ How long will I love you?
606
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,640
♪ As long as stars are above you. ♪
607
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,079
Eh, butt.
Maybe she's changed her mind.
608
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,639
Shut up, Karl!
Well, no, he might have a point.
609
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,959
I mean, she've always been
a bit flighty that one.
610
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,200
Sorry!
THEY CHEER
611
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:26,320
Oh! Got a bit held up.
612
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,439
Jesus! You look...
613
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,079
What?
...beautiful.
614
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,399
♪ Open my eyes
615
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:36,359
So do you.
616
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:38,600
♪ Today's a new day
Ready, then?
617
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:41,919
♪ Tell myself take my time
Stell?
618
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,079
Yeah.
619
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,160
♪ Put brakes on my brain
620
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:50,159
♪ Wrap me up, spin me round
621
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:52,480
♪ Spit me out
THEY CLAP
622
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,399
♪ I can feel either way. ♪
623
00:39:55,400 --> 00:40:00,999
I, Michael Matthew Jackson know
of no lawful cause or impediment
624
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,559
why I should not be joined
in matrimony with you,
625
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,920
Stella Lucy Morris.
626
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:14,680
I, Stella Lucy Morris...
627
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,919
...know of no...
628
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:21,799
Hang on a minute, thing is,
there is something. Stella?
629
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,759
I mean it's not
a lawful impediment or nothing,
630
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,720
I just don't think I can marry you
if I don't tell you what it is.
631
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:35,279
It'd be, um, I don't know,
dishonest somehow.
632
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,280
Stella, for God's sake,
just, er, just say!
633
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,400
I'm pregnant.
Oh!
634
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,039
Fucking hell!
What?
635
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,399
I only just found out
myself this morning
636
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,599
and I'm in just as much
shock as you are.
637
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,640
I thought you were on the change?!
638
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:04,959
Look, the thing is,
I know I'm a bit old to have a baby
639
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:08,399
and I will understand
if you want to have a think about it
640
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:13,239
and delay the wedding.
It's just, I really want to have it.
641
00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:18,400
Stella, that's the best news
I could ever possibly be given.
642
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:23,640
Now, will you please
shut up and marry me?
643
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,480
SHE LAUGHS
644
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,199
I, Stella Lucy Morris...
645
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,839
THEY CHEER
646
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:41,480
CHATTER
647
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,839
There we are, Aunty B, have a bit.
Can you believe it?
648
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,279
I go all these years
as an only child
649
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,359
and then I get two siblings
in the space of a year!
650
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,279
Oh, my God! I just realised.
Your baby
651
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,319
is going to be Sophie's
aunty or uncle
652
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:59,599
and it'll be younger than Sophie.
- Aw, that's mad!
- Yeah, it is a bit.
653
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,879
You'll have your hands full,
is all I'll say, but ewe are!
654
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:06,399
Do you think, for once
in your life, you could see
the positive side of things?
655
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,480
Well now, where would the fun
be in that, Michael Jackson?
656
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,799
I'm going to see where Nads have
got to. She've been gone ages.
657
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:17,679
- - All right.
- See you in a bit.
- I am
so jealous. Bali for God's sake.
658
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,279
I know!
Make sure you come back
659
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:24,079
because we're bloody useless
- without you.
- Oh, Lukey.
660
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:27,679
Don't worry, Stell,
- I'll look after him.
- Me too.
661
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:32,399
Aw, come on, group hug.
Aw, my babies!
662
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,679
Stell, we really ought to get going.
663
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,319
Yes, husband dear.
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
664
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,199
I'll just fetch my things.
Don't lift any heavy bags!
665
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,479
Oh, look at him.
We've only been married five minutes.
666
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,319
He's already bossing me around.
667
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:48,360
THEY LAUGH
668
00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:53,079
Nads? What you doing, babes?
669
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,680
Stella and Michael
are off in a bit.
670
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,880
Nads?
671
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,680
"Better leave that
behind now, don't you think?"
672
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,120
Never.
673
00:43:54,720 --> 00:43:59,520
♪ Once I believed that
when love came to me
674
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:07,080
♪ It would come with rockets,
bells and poetry
675
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,079
♪ But with me and you...
676
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,079
Where's your dad and Nadine?
Don't know.
677
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,479
Ooh! I nearly forgot. Ready?
678
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:21,679
♪ And believe it or not...
679
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:22,799
Oooh!
680
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,559
♪ Now there's something groovy
and good about whatever we got...
681
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,559
Oh!
Ewe are!
682
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:32,999
Er you'll keep an eye on my
- cauliflowers, won't you?
- Aye, butt!
683
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:34,319
♪ Growing stronger
684
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:38,159
Right, then. Shall we go
on honeymoon, Mrs Jackson?
685
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,199
Yes, please.
686
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,439
♪ Getting better every day
687
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,360
♪ Better every day
688
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:52,679
♪ I don't feel all turned on
and starry eyed
689
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,119
THEY CHEER AND LAUGH
690
00:44:55,120 --> 00:45:00,560
♪ I just feel a sweet
contentment deep inside
691
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,959
♪ Holding you at night
692
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:10,280
♪ Just seems kind of
natural and right
693
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,039
♪ And it's not hard to see
694
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:21,399
♪ That it isn't half of what
it's going to turn out to be
695
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,759
♪ Because it's getting better
696
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:29,679
♪ Growing stronger
697
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,919
♪ Warm and wilder
698
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:36,599
♪ Getting better every day
699
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:40,160
♪ Better every day. ♪
700
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,159
Subtitles by Ericsson
701
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,200
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