Original subtitles

The following programme contains strong language.

It was just a kiss, all right? And did you enjoy it?

Yes, I enjoyed it.

I should... I'm gonna go.

You made me feel like we had something special!

Like we was dance champions!

Now, you're telling me it meant nothing?!

Nothing.

And Then She Smiles by The Mock Turtles

Got your ticket?

- Yup. - Passport?

- - Yup. - Sex appeal? - Always.

You could come and visit me, you know?

- In New Zealand? You paying? - There's loads of fit blokes out there

AND they're not fussy.

One of them's bound to fancy you.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm already in a relationship.

Yeah, question is - who with?

Don't start.

So, you've spoken to him, then?

Not yet, no.

But I will.

Oh, I wish you didn't have to go back.

Me too, cos your dog's dinner of a love life's more entertaining

than Britain's Got Talent.

Fuck off, you're boring me now.

Lay Me Down by Sam Smith

Ben?

MUSIC STOPS

Right, we've worked out what we're doing for your birthday.

- Have you? - Now, I know it's your party in the night,

but how about an American-style breakfast in the morning

followed by an afternoon up the BMX track? Cerys has never even been...

- You're coming now? - I don't have to. Yeah, of course Cerys is coming.

Yes, you do!

Look, I thought everything was cool between you now.

It is.

So, what's the problem?

Oh, do you know what, I've had a gutful of you both.

He's my best mate, she's my girlfriend - get over it!

- I am over it! - It's him! And I'm walking out now and it's not

gonna be very dignified cos I'm gonna clamber down a ladder.

Don't go! Look, I'm sorry!

I am well pissed off.

CERYS SIGHS

This is all your fault!

Yeah, all right.

YOU shouldn't have made that film.

She in?

Bee, the butcher's here.

He's wearing your chain.

It's not her chain.

It's the mayor's chain.

And seeing as I'm the acting mayor right now...

Well, you didn't waste much time jumping into my

democratically elected grave, did you?

Auntie Brenda, you haven't been answering my calls.

Correct.

The council executive meets tomorrow at 12

where they'll decide whether or not to reinstate you.

- Please attend. - What do you think I am, George The Butcher?

A glutton for what's-name?

I'm not standing there before you

to be ridiculed, like a medieval jester!

Then we'll decide in your absence.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have mayoral duties to fulfil.

I am presenting Dylan, the do-gooding dragon,

with his cheque for the kiddies ward.

SHE GASPS

Watch how you go, pal.

You might trip over that colossal ego of yours!

One of the highlights of the mayoral calendar, that is -

presenting Dylan the do-gooding dragon.

It's a big wee fella in a costume, ya tube.

He's not an actual dragon.

Oh, shut up!

It's your fault I'm in this mess in the first place.

How many times? I'm sorry! OK?

Sorry won't put that chain back round my neck, good boy.

Rob?

Rob?

RINGING TONE

This is Rob Morgan, leave a message.

Rob, it's me.

Give me a ring, will you?

I need to tell you something.

No, she means her fluffy duck.

The one with the eye.

Well, give it a wash, babe.

OK.

See you.

Sorry about that. I dunno how you do it.

Juggle work with family life?

No, talk on the phone while smoking and holding a coffee.

Aw, look at the time. He's still not shown.

He didn't turn up till lunch time yesterday and he looked terrible.

CRASHING Oh!

Oh, look out.

The shop floor is aban-don-ed!

For what do I you pay?

Inside, please! Choppity, chop!

Someone's heading for a breakdown. You mark my words.

DOOR OPENS

INDISTINCT MUTTERING

I can find me not the diary. Where is it, please?

It's right in front of you, babe, on the desk.

Yes, well.

Good.

This place is very disorganised. I expect better.

Sorry.

How may a business survive if its staff care not for their work?

It must be loved and nurtured.

Like so many things of life.

Not rejected or strangled or...

stamped upon.

HE WHIMPERS

I expect from you both more commitment and concentration.

# I'm a Barbie girl

♪ In a Barbie world

♪ Life in plastic, it's fantastic. ♪

I am so sorry, but I gotta get this.

Just in case...

Yeah?

I know the squeak is broke. You have to do the noise for her.

In an American accent.

You know, like...

Quack, quack, little ducky!

Yeah.

We have three home visits today and a meeting

with the seller of Shrouds.

I'm afraid you will both have to with it all deal,

for I am indisposed.

HE WHIMPERS

D?

Hi, Beast. Home at last.

Look what I got you.

Yeah, nice.

Listen, Karl, I've been thinking and I'm sorry for neglecting you.

I took my eye off of the balls.

But all that's gonna change.

And yours, my beast.

Yours and no-one else's.

Fucking hell!

I feel like a soldier returning from the war!

Except, I haven't got a gun, like

or a helmet.

Don't be disgusting.

Where to's Genevieve?

Hush now, she's having a kip.

No, Dine.

Listen.

I've been doing a lot of thinking myself, like,

and talking up the rigging with Fat Les.

He reckons we should be more spiritual, like.

Who's Fat Les when he's at home?

He says I gotta stop treating you like a sex machine.

He says I gotta buy you dinner

and get inside that complicated head of yours.

So, tonight, Nadine Patricia Bevan,

I am taking you up the Frisky Fox.

Are you? Right.

And if we get it right,

it'll be the biggest contract the company's ever won.

Dave Marshall is one of the leading...

I know, but we can't force them to choose us.

Look, you go on ahead. Um, I've got to make a quick call.

Don't be late.

PHONE RINGS

Hiya, gorgeous.

'You in Cardiff?'

Just arrived. Literally 27 miles away.

Hmm! Can't wait to see you.

I got the cake.

Excellent. How's my boy?

Oh, he's beautiful.

I've got so much to do for this party.

I'll be glad when Beyonce picks up, to be honest.

What time is she coming?

She texted last night from the airport.

Wants a lie-in this morning to get over the jet lag.

What? Two-hour flight from Magaluf?

'She's incredible.'

CALL WAITING

Yeah, I know.

Er, don't take any of her nonsense, Stell.

'You know what she's like.'

Yeah, um, listen, babe, I've got to go.

I'm parked on double yellows.

'I'll catch you later, yeah?'

Rob?

Oh, bollocks!

'This is Rob Morgan. Leave a message.'

Hi, it's me. I just missed you.

Try me again, yeah? We really need to talk.

GET UP, STAND UP BY BOB MARLEY

Listen, George - it's about Brenda's tribunal.

She's really upset and I was just wondering if... No.

♪ Get up, stand up Stand up for your rights... ♪

Councillor Davies, it's about Brenda's tribunal.

I know it's a bit... No.

♪ Stand up for your rights

♪ Get up, stand up... ♪

Councillor Lloyd, it's about Auntie Brenda.

♪ Preacher man, don't tell me heaven is on the earth

♪ I know you don't know what life is really worth... ♪

Hey, pal!

Yeah?

Are you Tim Rhys-Evans, from Only Men Aloud?

I am. Do you want a selfie?

Er, not quite.

I can't stop. I've just nipped back for my charger.

Yeah, but hang on. You've got 30 seconds to kiss your husband, haven't you?

Sorry. It's just Ivan's getting worse.

This morning he was proper bonkers.

I don't know what's the matter with him but he's basically left me and Bobs to manage.

Calm down. And have this.

- - Oh! - Luke! - Yeah, in here.

I need some advice. Yeah, now is not a good time.

No, it's fine. I've got to get back.

I'll see you, kids. I'll see you tonight, love. I don't know what time.

That was Zoe.

Right, what's up, bro?

Oh, Luke, I'm in a right mess.

Perhaps if you put some ribbon around it, people won't notice.

- Are you serious? - Yes.

For Jamie's birthday, I made loads and loads of cupcakes

and piled them up in a pyramid, didn't I, presh?

Yeah, I finished them and then I was sick!

I'll do the same for you, - - if you like. - Really? - Yeah.

Isn't she the kindest, sweetest person, Stella?

It won't take me long and Jamie can help.

Kind and beautiful and ravishing!

Ignore him! What do you reckon?

Oh, that would be amazing.

Thank you.

LAUGHTER

Have you got any bacon butties, Yant - only me and him just flew in

and we are ravaged, aren't we, hon? Ola.

Well, actually, they stopped serving breakfast an hour ago.

Where the hell have you been?

Stell! Oh, my God.

I missed my flight, didn't I?

You could have rung. Oh, hiya, my darling.

Pedro, this is my little baby Jackson.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

- You're drunk. - Er, I know.

I've just come home from my holidays.

You were meant to be having Jackson back, 11 o'clock you said.

I'll take him with me now, - it's fine. - No, it's not fine.

Cos you're in no fit state to look after a baby, so I'm going to have to look after him, aren't I?

But then again, you knew that, didn't you? Thanks, baby, you're a star.

By the way, this is Pedro.

Ola.

You pick him up first thing tomorrow and you'd better be bloody sober.

Michael is going to be furious about this.

Ola.

Ooh!

THEY LAUGH

Come on, squeeze it out.

Can't breathe! Can't feel my legs.

- I'm going to puke. - Excellent.

They wouldn't be called suicide runs if they were easy.

You've done ten anyway, you big wuss.

I don't get it.

How is bringing me up here and beasting me going to help me stop thinking about Cerys?

It's all about perspective, isn't it?

What are you thinking about now? Your legs, or Cerys?

Cerys.

Oh, Christ. You've got it bad.

You know when you and Zoe got together?

You just knew she was the one, didn't you?

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't plain sailing.

Lenny Mac gave me a run for my money

and a few black eyes into the bargain.

But some things are worth fighting for, though.

Aren't they, Luke?

What are you saying, butt?

How she has the nerve to go in there

and purchase lamb chops from a butcher who butchered

the career of her favourite aunt, I will never know!

Oh, don't start.

I've got enough on my plate without you having a go.

I see that philandering solicitor from Wolverhampton have

lumbered you again with his love child.

Auntie Brenda, my Michael is a good person.

He is honest and loyal and... and lovely.

So lay off of him, will you?

I'm sorry. You're right.

It's this council tribunal, it is, Stell.

It have turned me all bitter and twisted.

I don't recognise the person I've become.

Look, just turn up there tomorrow.

Calmly fight your corner and tell them the truth.

You did not inhale.

Good God! I'm not actually going to turn up!

The whole thing is a travesty.

I'd be humiliated beyond belief!

Fair enough.

Though I never had you down as a coward, Auntie Bren.

- - Hiya. - Hi. - All right?

Er, I'll have half a chicken breast and two of them kebabs, please, George The Butcher.

Hey, shouldn't you be keeping Karl's strength up?

Got a lovely bit of rump on offer. Much more meaty than your kebabs.

Don't be disgusting. And you can stop staring at me an' all, Stella Morris.

Boring into me with them - judgmental eyes. - What?

I never said nothing. No, but you thought it.

Well, let me tell you something. It was a huge mistake, me kissing Ivan Slosh.

- Schloss. - Schloss.

And an even bigger one telling you about it.

Nadine! I'm the last person to judge.

Hey, what about your kebabs?

- George. - Now listen!

I hope you haven't come to have a go about Auntie Brenda.

I've already had that useless husband of hers on my doorstep.

No, I've come to order a side of ham

and two dozen chipolatas for Ben's party.

Right, yes, well... er, call it 25 quid and collect it tomorrow.

I just checked the orders. There's nothing down here for Lemon Cottage.

No. He rang last week and cancelled.

- Who, Rob did? - Rob did what?

Rob Morgan - cancelled his order?

Aye! He've upped and gone, by all accounts.

Be with you now in a minute.

Give me a couple of hours and I'll let you have my decision.

But it's fair to say you can be optimistic.

Fantastic! Anything we can help with, just call.

Will do. Cheers.

Right, well, I don't want to get straight back on the train,

so how about you invite me to your place for dinner,

or do they call it tea down here?

Oh, go away, Ben. Oh, Cerys, I need you.

- You're unbelievable. - What? No. What I mean is... I'm your best friend's girlfriend.

- You should be ashamed. - No.

I need you to help me. Sort this mess out with little Al.

He said he won't come to my party. I know.

- Do not go in the kitchen. - Why? It's a secret.

I've known him since I was six and three quarters.

I'd never do - anything to hurt him. - What?

Even if I felt the same way about you?

- But you don't. - And if I did...

YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL BY JOE COCKER

♪ Can't you see... ♪

Then I won't come near you.

Friendship's more important than a fling with the most gorgeous girl in Pontyberry.

Right answer! You pass the test.

What? Cos I said you're the most gorgeous girl in Pontyberry?

No, sap head!

Cos you said friendship's more important.

So, yes. I'll help you.

TEXT MESSAGE

What?

'This is Rob Morgan. Leave a message.'

Rob, I've been calling you all day. What's going on?

This afternoon, George The Butcher tells me you've upped and gone.

Then I get a message saying, "Am fine, I'm in London."

Doing what, for God's sake?

SHE SIGHS

Look, that kiss last week was stupid and childish.

And it was lovely as well but then, kissing you always was lovely.

But... I can't kiss you any more, OK?

That's what I wanted to say.

I wanted to tell you to stop kissing me, all right?

I'm with Michael now and I love him. I really, really love him.

That's not to say I don't love you.

But I don't love you, you know, like that.

I love you like an old friend, cos that's what we are, isn't it?

Oh, my God. I'm worried about you now.

Are you all right?

God, I hope you're all right, cos I just can't... Stella!

Hiya! Guess what, we've got a visitor.

- We've got a visitor. - Maria.

- Hi, Stella. - Hello, little man.

What are you still doing here?

So, I can expect to see you there, then?

Oh, yes - but can we bring Donkey?

If you like, though I suspect there'll be enough dumb asses in the place already.

No offence! Oh, and you'll need to look for these.

- Right. - Clem, Marge, Glen, Donkey.

You may as well be the first to know.

I've decided I'm going to clear my name and get my old job back.

At least, attempt to.

Ah, the warrior returns!

Yep, I'm going to go to that tribunal tomorrow with my head held high and speak my truth.

"My name is Auntie Brenda and I did not inhale!"

Won't be needing us after all, then, Clem.

Are you kidding?

If that woman is defending herself,

she's going to need all the help she can get!

DONKEY BRAYS

Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue by Crystal Gayle

We've been looking all over for you.

Well, now you have me found.

We've been at the shop till now working our fingers to the bum.

I've rearranged all the files and I've cleared out all the cabinets.

Good. I expect no less.

Yes, but we can only do so much.

PHONE RINGS

Hiya, Luke.

Yeah, I'm coming now.

Yeah.

So...

Are you going to tell us what's occurring?

Cos I've been where you are, babe, and right now,

my depression radar's going berserk.

And I ain't leaving this pub until you tell me everything.

I've tried so hard, Bobbsie.

Oh, we're the undertakers, but, yes, of course you do.

You did. And it's doing really well.

No, not with the damn bloody, damn flipping bloody undertakers.

I couldn't give two fags about the funeral business.

Calm down. I'm talking of my breaking heart.

I tried so hard for true my feelings fight,

but they have me consumed.

I am in love.

With me? Oh, Christ.

Good heavens, no! Not you.

Oh!

Careless Whisper by George Michael

- Miss Bevan. - Mr Slash.

Schloss.

Oh!

Knock me sideways on a seesaw.

I warned you from the get-go to stay away from Nadine.

But would you listen? No. So there we are.

Bobbsie, please! Now it all comes out.

You've been trotting her fox while her husband's up a rig.

No, no, no! Let me assure you, her honour remains spotlessly intact.

I trotted not the fox of Miss Bevan.

We merely kissed.

Drink that.

You bet your bottom dollar, you badass boy!

Right, now, you listen to me, babe. Is she... look at me.

Look... look... LOOK at me!

Is she aware of how you feel?

No, she believes I hate her.

Well, that's a start, I suppose. Please, Bobbsie.

You must not to another person breathe of this a word.

Cross my heart and trough a pie.

OK, so deep breaths.

Pick yourself up.

Walk away.

Walk away!

♪ I didn't mean to hurt you

♪ I'm just a jealous guy. ♪

I mean, what was she thinking, Stell, drinking during the day?

I don't know. A teenager would be more responsible than her and she's 29!

I mean, think about all the people desperate to become parents and she behaves like that.

It makes me think I should, you know... What?

- Go for custody. - Are you mental?

I hope you know a good lawyer. Why?

He'd have a better life living with us. You can't deny that.

You've had too much wine, good boy.

Michael, you know as well as I do the chances of successfully

taking a mother to court.

Unless she's been negligent. Hang on. She made one mistake. You can't take her baby off her...

Why are you defending her? ...just for one mistake.

Anyway, it's not like Jackson was in danger.

Well, no, but he could have been.

PHONE RINGS Ah, Dave Marshall.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Thanks.

- Sorry. - Oh, it's OK.

I've just not had the best of days, that's all.

I could've done without a dinner guest.

She's not staying tonight, is she?

Yeah, I said she could squeeze in bed with us. You don't mind, do you?

He's signed. He's bloody signed.

- Fantastic. - Oh, congratulations!

On condition that you lead the project.

- Really? - Yes.

It will mean a bonus for you and a lot of travel.

So, do I have your commitment, Michael, 100%?

- Yeah, of course. - Good.

Now, if I hurry, I'll make the last train to London. Can I hail a taxi on the street?

You can get one at the top of the road. Try the top of the road.

I hope you're proud of him, Stella.

This is going to be the highlight of his career.

I'll see you Monday.

- Bye! - Bye!

Wow!

'Her friends and family arrived on Friday...'

DOOR OPENS

Sorry, babe. What time do you call this?

I've been slaving over a hot stove while you've been downing pints in the pub.

Shut up!

Mwah! Seriously, your tea is in the oven.

- Oh, thanks. - Go on, put your feet up. I'll bring it over.

Jack waited up as long as he could, - by the way. - Oh, bless him.

Hey, this drawing is good. When did he do this?

Today. Went to feed the ducks.

Well, to be honest, Sophie had more bread than them, but still...

There we go.

Yeah, there's Sophie in her pram, there's Jack, and there I am.

Oh, look at me on the end!

No, I think that's a duck.

Cos you weren't...

You know, you weren't there, were you?

No.

We'll see you later then, Mikey. We'll try our best.

What about you, Karl? Oh, do I have to, butt?

I feel a right berk.

Come on, Karl. It's for a very good cause.

You're not giving Ben that bear, Karl.

Oh, come on, Stell, man. Nadine don't want it.

I'm not surprised.

Ben!

Won't be long now. Having a lie-in, I expect.

It's not like him. He used to be up with the crack on his birthday.

When he was six, maybe. But our baby boy is all grown up now, Karl.

Aye.

Where to's Nadine? Oh, she said she wanted some space.

She's a bit under the weather at the moment.

Maybe you ought to talk to her, presh.

It must be hard, you know, you being away all the time.

Yeah, I know.

She's emotionally bankrupt because of the baby.

Fat Les told me that.

- Did he? - Aye.

Yeah, well, I hope you sort things out.

Cos I never thought I'd say this, but you two are good together.

Yeah.

We're much better suited than you and me ever were.

Is there a birthday boy in the house?

- Katie! Hiya. - Oh.

All right?

Look. Someone left Ben this beautiful bear for his birthday.

Where's Dad?

Beyonce?

Beyonce!

Oh, ho, ho! What a magnificent tower of sponge!

Sponges!

Good, innit?

Stella will be made up. What is this?

"Sap head"?

Well, that's his nickname, innit?

- Is it? - That's what Jamie told me.

He said Ben loves people calling him - sap head. - Yeah. He loves it.

Right. You clever little scamp!

The Pontyberry Mary Berry! Come on.

Ah, Mr Schloss.

Do you know how it feels when your heart simply soars?

No, but I know how it feels

when you decide to rip your own heart from your chest and violently

stamp upon it, simply to observe what is morally correct and proper.

Right, well, nice chat!

We'd better head off now, Jag.

You joining us, Ivan?

No, I needs must be alone at this time.

MUSIC AND DRUMROLL

BRENDA SMACKS HER LIPS

Oh, Clem, I'm that nervous my mouth is as dry as an old school dap.

Fancy a drop of the old mother courage?

Oh, yes, that will go down well, won't it?

Me rolling into the council chamber ten sheets to the wind?!

George The Butcher will have me down as a drunk

as well as a druggie!

You didn't inhale, Bee.

Just hold on to that fact.

And don't forget, - I've got your back. - Yeah.

Auntie Brenda.

I'm ready for you now.

Right.

You go in, Bee... Ah, I might have guessed!

When the going gets tough, - Clem Draper gets going. - No...

Well, there you are.

I've managed all these years without you,

why should today be any different?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Shall we?

Yeah.

DRUMROLL AND MUSIC

I remember my 18th.

1986, it was. Year of the Tiger.

Or was it the prawn? - - Stell, I'm back. - All right? - Hello.

- Katie Bear, with the bear. - Hi, Dad.

Hello, little bruv. No answer, then?

No, I knocked on the door for ages.

Stella said you're going for custody.

Well, thinking about it, yes.

You're on a hivin' to nothing there, butt.

The woman always wins. Not necessarily, Karl.

All right! CHEERING

- Thanks. - And Nadine said although she do adore the bear

she don't want you to have it.

Thanks, Dad.

All right?

- Hiya. - Happy birthday and that. Cheers, Nath.

Cerys said you and her have had a chat and you're sorted,

you're mates, like. For real this - time. - Yeah, we're mates.

Right, well, we haven't got you - a present yet. - No worries.

But we're deffo coming to the party.

Ah, wicked.

Great, now we've got that sorted out you'd better open them presents,

cos we've all got to make a move.

Right.

And that is why I feel I should be granted the same leniency

and what-you-call as the 42nd President

of the United States of America,

Bill what's-name Clinton.

The end.

Thank you.

Is that it?

Yes, George The Butcher. That's it.

Auntie Brenda,

you stand accused of bringing this council into disrepute.

We've heard your defence

and we'll now confer.

Please, talk amongst... yourself.

DRUMROLL

THEY CONFER

Ah. Pub was shut, was it?

Couldn't find no-one to buy you a pint? Aw!

GEORGE BANGS THE GAVEL

Auntie Brenda Draper,

we have taken into account your plea and your apology,

but I'm afraid it cuts with us no mustard.

Wait!

Just wait.

Let me show you something.

It will take two minutes, no longer.

Please.

For the love of Max Boyce, are you drunk?

No!

Well, not much.

Look, what you're about to hear and see

is the reason why you should reinstate my Brenda...

...as Mayor of Pontyberry.

Are you ready?

This better be good, Clem Draper.

Take it away, Timmy.

One, two, three, four.

♪ Give us back our Brenda

♪ She's the one for us

♪ We are here to defend her

♪ We're here to make a fuss

♪ Will we cope without her?

♪ You bet your bottom we won't!

♪ And do we doubt her?

♪ You bet your bottom we don't! ♪ You bet your bottom we don't!

♪ Ah... ♪

I feel like I'm in an episode of Glee!

♪ Auntie Brenda for Mayor

♪ Or else we've gotta fail

♪ Because she's got massive hair

♪ And cos she didn't defend

♪ Brenda!

Auntie Brenda!

♪ We can mend her! ♪

Brenda!

This... is council business.

Not an episode of Britain's Got Talent!

Actually, we won Last Choir Standing, you cheeky git.

That's beside the point!

The decision made here is ours.

And it is final.

George The Butcher is right. It is our decision.

Popular support is crucial and the people have spoken.

Well, some, actually.

Anyway...

I propose we reinstate Auntie Brenda

as Mayor of Pontyberry with immediate effect.

All those in agreement?

CHEERING

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, we better go down the shops - - before they shut. - Let's go. - Yeah?

You called me "my Brenda."

Always.

Well, then, you are! Take this for your troubles, Clem Draper!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hurry up, mun, Karl. They'll be doing the cake any minute.

We should've done this hours ago.

What about...

"Benny boy, Benny boy, you're now a man.

"You're not a toy."

The God's sake, Karl, just put, "I love you."That's boring, that is.

When was the last time you said "I love you", Karl?

I'm not saying it. No way.

Mr Morris.

I could not help but overhear.

All right?

You are right to be afraid of love.

Eh?

Ivan... For love deceives...

It withers and destroys.

Like acid on a satin hat.

Here we are, then.

I good evening bid you.

Spivin'.

He's deep as shit, that one, - isn't he? - Yeah.

You got her scissors?

Kitchen draw.

OK.

- Ah! - I'm going to look up that quote from Reservoir Dogs.

If we've got time we can stick - it on the front. - Cool.

- We'd better get a move on! - OK.

♪ You are so beautiful...

♪ To me

♪ Can't you see...

One, two, three, go!

Hey Ya by Outkast

CHEERING

There you are, 18!

You'll be 18 one day. Hard to believe, isn't it?

They grow up so quickly, Michael.

Ooh!

WHISTLING AND APPLAUSE Oh, look.

I helped my mum bake them.

Oh, nice one!

- "Sap head"? - Yeah! Your nickname, isn't it? Jamie told me.

LAUGHTER

- I don't believe this. - Shut up!

Can you look after him for a - minute? - Don't say anything stupid.

What the hell are you playing at?

Mikey! How's the party going? Good turnout.

Where have you been - the past two days? - I know...

I tried phoning you, texting you, tried calling at your house.

...also I've had Pedro over, so... Hola.

I can report you to social services.

What for? My baby's safe with his dad and step mum.

We're not some cost-free - baby-sitting service. - Calm down.

Begrudging me a social life now, is it?

Pedro's my first fella in yonks.

I don't give a toss about Pedro. All I care about is my son.

And you may as well know... Oh, don't do this, Michael.

...I intend to have him with me. Permanently.

- You what? - I want custody. I'm taking you to court.

- No, you're not. - Watch me.

Thanks, Stella. Take him off you, now.

No, I really don't mind... You know what they say about she-cats and their kittens, Mike?

Scratch your eyes out, you get to close.

You want a fight? Bring it on, old man.

Come on, Pez. Let's put MY baby to bed.

Ola.

Darling, do you mind if I go home? No, of course not. I won't be long.

I love you.

Don't worry, it will all be all right.

There's one person I want to pay special tribute to tonight

and that's my best mate, Little Al,

who I haven't seen yet. Is he here?

I'm here all right. Brilliant, Little Al, everyone.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I bought you a director's chair - for your birthday. - Oh, nice one.

Cos you like directing films, - don't you? - Yeah.

Films about other people's girlfriends?

No... You didn't like her when in fact you wanted to go with her! Let me explain!

SHOUTING

Come on!

You know how much I love her.

Yeah? And that's why you never, ever do nothing about it.

Look, I'm sorry, OK? Too late, traitor!

SHOUTING

Come on, boys.

You're my best mate. That's always going to come first.

Oh!

AL LAUGHS

Stop it, you two. For God's sake!

♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday... ♪

SHE YELPS

LAUGHTER

MUSIC

Don't even think about it, Karl!

♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday

TELEPHONE RINGS

And to what do I owe this gorgeous pleasure?

I need to talk to you about the Marshall case.

I admire your enthusiasm.

The thing is, like you said, it's a lot of hours

'and it's going to impact on my being at home.'

So I'm not going to take it on. My family has to come first.

You know it will as I do that Dave Marshall has only given us

the contract on condition that - you're involved. - I know.

'Without you, we lose the job.'

Yes, and I'm sorry.

Then you leave me no option. You're dismissed.

'Consider yourself on gardening leave for three months.'

DOORBELL RINGS

- Rob. - Hi.

They're all at the party.

Yeah. Bit noisy for me, I'm afraid. I just bought these for Ben.

Erm, come in. Sorry, yes. Come in.

Thanks. I've got company, actually. Have you?

♪ I learn more from life

♪ Cos I see

♪ The love in you

♪ And so I wonder when I'll understand

♪ I cannot... ♪

Conchita.

IVAN WINCES

THEY TALK INDISTINCTLY

LAUGHTER

- I know! Look at you! - I know! What happened to you?

There was a cake fight. It was mint!

It wasn't. Dad, you would've hated it.

STELLA LAUGHS

You all right?

Not really, no.

Stell, look...

What?

Mum! Rob's here!

Oh, yes, Rob's here.

Oh, my God, has he said something - to you? - No. No, not at all. Come on.

Yeah, but what were you going to tell me?

Nothing, it's not urgent. Rob, on the other hand, has some good news.

The wanderer returns, then, is it?

Oh, hello.

Stella, I'd like you to meet Suzanne.

- Hi. - Enchante.

I have heard so much about you.

- Sorry. - Must have been - quite a party. - Yes.

You've been in London, then? To see a new consultant.

We've had a second opinion.

About the surgery? And he's agreed to do it.

- Isn't that fantastic? - God, yeah!

Oh, better not. It's cake.

Katie. How do you open it?

Sorry I've been so, um, cloak and dagger.

It's just been...

- ...a bit rushed. - It's fine.

I'm just glad you're all right.

I got your boy something.

Good.

Rob?

Come and open the champagne. Let's celebrate.

CHATTING AND LAUGHTER

CHEERING

I don't think you and I can be just friends.

Have you been drinking? Again?

- Jackson isn't yours. - What?

I only said you were the dad because you're loaded.

There's something I want to talk to you about.

MICHAEL SIGHS Something important.

Subtitles by Ericsson

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