All language subtitles for Stella (2012) S05E05 (1080p NOW WEB-DL H264 SDR DDP 5.1 English - HONE)_track3_[eng]

The following programme contains
strong language.

Just let me tell Luke first.

- I miss you, man.
- Even though I'm a
- douche bag?
- God, you are ugly.

- - I'm going.
- Where?
- To London!
Michael!

If you do make me Mayor, you'll get
honesty, drive, plus a pub lunch
like this every month.

We've got natural chemistry, me and
Ivan.

I'd say it was more than chemistry,
if I didn't know better.

- Give him some air.
- What's wrong with
him?

♪ And then she smiles

♪ And my heart starts beating, I go
weak inside

♪ La la la ♪

SQUEAKS

Sorry, Banje.

Miles away.

Right, here goes, then.

Hi.

Hiya. How are you doing?

- Yep, fine.
- Case going all right, is
it?

Yes.

That's good, then.

It's all go here.

Auntie Brenda's got her invest... How
do you say it? Investite...

Anyway, she's becoming Mayor today,
and she's been dragging everyone in
to help out,

like it's a Royal wedding, and the
truth is

I'm babbling, because we haven't
spoken all week, and I just want to
know when you're coming home.

Things are pretty full-on at the
moment. We're going to Court soon.

I miss you.

HE SIGHS

I miss you too.

TOY SQUEAKS

- What was that?
- Um, well, I think
he's a meerkat.

But he's chewed it so much, can't
tell any more.

I tell you what, I'll come back
tonight, and take a look.

Thanks, sweetheart. I've been ever so
worried.

- About the meerkat?
- Yeah. Obviously
about the meerkat.

What time train do you think you'll
catch?

Ah...

Right.

- Rob! I never heard you come in.
- I'd
better go. This case is full-on.

Hang on. I'll see you tonight, then -

Great.

Is this a good time?

Yeah.

HE SIGHS

- Can you cast your eye over these?
- I'm
fine.

Quick word to the wise. Women hate it
when men sulk. It's unmanly and very
immature.

- She started it.
- Put away that bottom
lip, Michael.

It's not a good look.

And you know something else? When
women say they aren't bothered by a
bit of puppy fat...

believe you me, they're lying.

My advice - man up, or you'll be in
big danger of driving her into Rob's
arms.

If she hasn't already.

It's good you're feeling stronger
anyway.

Yeah. Thanks.

A few side effects here and there.

He's put me on some pills to stop me
fainting like a Victorian lady.

Luke said you told him you'd been on
a health kick, and the booze had gone
to your head.

I am going to tell him, you know.
You said that last week.

Stella, when you tell someone you're
ill, they worry about you.

Look at you - you're clucking around
me like a mother hen since you found
out.

- Mother hen?!
- Right now, I can go see
my grandchildren, have fun with
them.

I can have a pint with Luke, and
talk about the rugby.

I can enjoy being with them without
making everyone feel miserable.

I know that -How are things with
Michael?

If you want to change the subject,
just say.

I want to change the subject.

Things with Michael are...

I don't know.

It's difficult when you only see each
other at weekends.

Do you remember that school trip I
went on to Blaenau Ffestiniog?

And you were convinced I was seeing
Lisa Maxwell behind your back?

I phoned you from the station. You
gave me a right earful.

God. That was 30 years ago.

31.

- Thanks for doing the table.
- Pleasure.

Of course I know what white balance
- is!
- What is it, then?

Uh... It's to do with... depth of
focus.

- Field scanning.
- You're basically
just saying all the words you know.

Oh, Cerys, will you just...

show me what it is later on.

I'd very much appreciate that.

Not a problem, Benjamin. It'll be a
pleasure.

This is for Mayor Auntie Brenda, is
it?

Yeah, she's asked us to film her
coronation.

And help with the decorations!

Running late, actually. I'm
surprised she hadn't -

HORN BLARES

And there you go.

Let's get ready to rumble.

- Hiya!
- Ah!

- Hey, you!
- Hello!

Hello, Princess.

Why didn't you ring me when your
train got in? I'd have picked you
- up.
- I wanted to surprise you.

Lovely surprise. Welcome home.

All right?

- Your dad sorry to see you leave?
- Of
course.

I'm indispensable.

So, I take it this is all for your
fitness class?

Yeah. And don't worry - Rob's paid
for all of it.

I was going to clear it up before
you arrived, but I got a bit carried
away.

Like a kid at Christmas, you are.
It's going to be great, though.

Jag said I could use the room at the
pub.

I've done a playlist of workout
tunes.

Daddy's cleverer than he looks,
isn't he?

Few people interested already. Even
Rhian Evans.

Now, THAT I would pay to see.

Are you going to take me somewhere
to celebrate your new business
enterprise, then?

I do know where there's free
champagne.

But it do involve Auntie Brenda.

Remember, the tango is not just a
dance. It is a story, a woman who has
been wronged.

She smoulders with anger. The man, he
must dominate her.

Until she releases her passion...
Good, good.

- Dominate her, Bobsy, dominate!
- I am
doing it!

- Is everything well, Miss Bevan?
- Fine,
thank you.

You are late. I was concerned there
had been a happening.

Very well, we shall begin.

♪ Then I ask you over

♪ Again you only answer

♪ Perhaps... ♪

Come closer. We must be as one for
the swivel.

Your mind is elsewhere. There is no
focus, no passion.

Why would there be any passion?
There's no passion!

None at all.

The competition is tomorrow night.

I keep thinking about what Stella
Morris said. About us two.

I thought we agreed such an idea
was... how could you have it...

hysterical?

I know, but people round here love a
gossip, and before you know it

they'll put two and two together,
and make tango!

Look at this dance. So sensual.

♪ ..and please don't tell me... ♪

I just can't do it. Sorry.

GROANING

Are you all right?

Oh!

I... I've always wanted to know,
Carole...

what IS the difference between a
bathroom cleaning product and a
kitchen cleaning product?

Is it just clever marketing by those
marketing men?

I don't know. I've never actually
thought about it.

That surprises me, because you have
a very keen mind.

Did you want something?

Me? No, nothing, although now you
ask, I was wondering if...

...you might perhaps grace the dance
floor with me in tomorrow night's
competition?

- Oh, I'd love to.
- Wonderful!

But Yanto asked me last week.

Not to worry. Probably for the best.

I'll be really busy organising this
event.

- Sorry.
- No, no, it's a good thing.

It's a very... good thing.

I'm glad. Phew!

Bathroom use only...

I'm going to look on the Internet,
and find out why.

Most intriguing.

Congratulations. What happened to
"congratulations on your
investiture"?

Funnily enough, they didn't have any
of them in the market.

Do not take the Lord's name in vain!
Not in front of royalty.

Is that what you're wearing? Don't
you have any ermine?

It's just a simple ceremony. Held in
Santa's grotto, by the looks of it.

There's only one thing simple in
here, and I'm looking at it.

Right, places, everyone! We're
ready.

CLEARS THROAT

By the power granted to me -Wait!

- Is the camera going?
- Yeah.

- Camera speed.
- Ready with the
champagne?

- Yes.
- And the dove of peace?

I got a pigeon of peace.

COOS

By the power granted to me by the
Crown and Commonwealth,

I hereby announce that Auntie Brenda
is elected as Mayor of Pontyberry.

Are you Auntie Brenda?

We are.

Will you carry out the Office of
Mayor to the best of your ability?

We will.

You are now officially invested as
Mayor Auntie Brenda of Pontyberry.

Is that it?! Where's the sense of
occasion?

Where's the pomp and circumcision?

I've got the chain. Do you want me
- to put it on you?
- Yes, I want you to
put it on me.

Slowly! And with reverence.

People of Pontyberry,

this is a great day for all,

whether we be young...

...or old.

Because a good mayor is like -

All right, babe?

- You!
- Looking good.

Could I have a word, please?

You've got more nerve than a
baboon's what's its name.

Biggest day since Magna Carta, and
you swan in

like the second coming of the
blessed Madonna!

- You haven't changed a bit.
- What is
it you want? Money I suppose.

- Well, you'll get none here.
- I read
about you in the paper, darling.

Thought I'd drop back to the Berry
and say hello.

Shoot the breeze with a few old
pals.

Who? Jim Beam and Johnnie Walker?

- Hello, stranger.
- There she is.

- My wee star!
- What are you doing
here?

Came back to see you.

This is my youngest, Ben.

Ben, Clem. Clem, Ben.

- Auntie Brenda's husband.
- Ex-husband.
Still married in the eyes of the
Lord.

Uh, can we film him talking about
Auntie Brenda?

- Kind of like the First Lady.
- You
watch out - he'll steal your camera,
and charge you for doing it.

In a minute. I just want to say a
few words first.

RINGS ON GLASS

Ladies and gents...

I'm not one for fancy words, or big,
long speeches.

I'd rather strap on my guitar, but
today

Pontyberry is the luckiest town in
Wales,

because you've landed yourselves a
little cracker.

Hear, hear!

You don't know how lucky you are.

I certainly didn't. So raise your
glasses.

Here's to swimming with bow-legged
women,

and long live Mayor Auntie Brenda.

Cheers!

Where's he been living, then, Uncle
Clem?

All over. London, New York...

...Pwllheli.

- - Playing in bands.
- Cool.
- Mainly cover
bands in pubs.

He always used to try and get the
word "Clem" into the band name.

Clems and Roses.

Red Hot Clemmy Peppers.

- Clemical Brothers.
- Why did they split
up?

Musical differences.

I meant him and Auntie Brenda.

Oh...

Well...

He's always had a bit of an eye for
the ladies, has Uncle Clem.

When we were interviewing him, I
tried to find out where he'd been.

But Cerys said, "It's not relevant".

She's so up herself.

Uh-huh.

- Why are you doing the face?
- Well...

Often, when we find people
super-annoying, it's because we
really fancy them.

- Like Michael?
- Exactly.

- What about Nadine?
- Oh, no, she's
just super-annoying.

Good afternoon.

I apologise. I didn't mean to
startle you.

My footsteps are like feathers on
snow.

It comes from my years as a dancer.

I was lost in thought, that's all.

Sometimes I think very, very deeply.

This I can tell.

Do you mind?

If you like.

There is an elephant here, and we
must confront him.

What elephant?

An elephant in the room.

Firstly, we're not in a room. We're
outside.

And secondly, you do not accuse a
woman of being any kind of animal.

- Except maybe a swan.
- You are afraid,
Nadine Bevan.

Afraid of what people will think if
you dance with me.

That's because I'm a married woman. A
beautiful, married woman!

This is true, but you are also my
partner,

and when we are on that floor we
must let the passion flow in and out
of our bodies.

Don't be disgusting. And keep your
voice down.

And when the music stops, so does
our passion.

We are partners in dance, Nadine.

Not in love.

I know, but... all I can think of when
you've got me in a hold is that
people are judging me.

And not just the actual judges. To be
fair, that is their job.

You are merely self-conscious. That
is why... I brought this.

What do you think this is, Ivan
Schloss? Fifty Shades of Grey?!

Trust me. When you wear this
blindfold, you will become like an
ostrich.

You mean swan.

No, an ostrich. You cannot see the
world, so you believe the world
cannot see you.

You can be transported to another
place,

free from fear or doubt.

Oh... All right.

- What now?
- Now...

We dance.

MUSIC PLAYS

♪ From where you are you see the
smoke start to arise when they play
cards

♪ And you walk over, softly moving
past the guards

♪ The stakes are getting higher... ♪

APPLAUSE

No, no, no. Stop.

I knew I should have worn the yellow
suit. It brings out my eyes.

Go on, then. What's next?

Did some interviews. Got people to
say some nice stuff about you.

Better. You may continue.

Auntie Brenda, or should I say Mayor
Auntie Brenda -

Mum, don't look at the camera.

Auntie Brenda...

No media training at all, that one.
Next.

Funny enough, she's not the only
Auntie Brenda I know.

There was this Thai girl, worked in
a bar in Bangkok

called Ping-Pong, and she could fire

Next!

Oh, she's a character all right!

A proper force of nature.

I used to call her my little
hurricane.

Oh, you don't want to know what I
called you, good boy.

You should see her when she smiles.

Her face... lights up.

Her eyes sparkle like diamonds on a
velvet rug.

The most beautiful girl in town.

Always will be. To me.

Do you want to keep that one in?

- No, delete it.
- Delete it?!

You heard me. That man's got more
front than Prestatyn. Now, delete
him and move on.

Hello.

I didn't know if you were coming
back.

Well, here I am.

Oh, hello.

Listen, I'm sorry about messing up
last weekend.

It's just...

I've been feeling bad about it all
- week.
- Enough talking.

Hey, I was drinking that.

Let it go cold. I'll warm you up.

Mm...

- What's got into you?
- I said no
talking.

Mum? Michael?

Hiya.

Is it all right if I get some of my
stuff.

- Quick as you can.
- What's it you're
after?

Just my trackie bottoms, and my
boots for my boxing class.

Dad signed up for it, the nutter.

Rob's not up to doing that.

Yeah, he's fine. It's just some daft
diet, that's all.

- He says he wants to keep fit.
- I
still don't think it's a good idea.

You know Rob - tough as nails.

I've done a bit of boxing in my
time.

- Have you? When?
- When I was growing
up.

Had to be pretty handy with my
fists.

You went to a posh private school,
and your parents had a holiday home
in France.

Well, yeah.

Sometimes middle-class kids have to
fight to prove themselves. It wasn't
a holiday home. It was a gite.

- What?
- Nothing. Sounds really scary.

You should come along to the class
if you want to show us some of your
moves.

Yeah, I'd love to. Can still
remember a few combinations.

Footwork, mainly.

Can't wait to see it.

I'm off, then. Ta-ra.

GROANING

Michael?

Morning.

- What time is it?
- I don't know.
Six-ish?

- Have you just been for a run?
- To the
bench and back.

- That hill's a killer.
- Well, whatever
you want to do on a Saturday
morning's up to you.

But I need more time in bed.

That's a great idea. Budge up.

Michael! The sheets are clean on!

- Have a shower.
- No problem.

Wait there.

Don't move.

I see no reason for celebration.

The dance competition will bring in
a full house of customers,

plus it'll be fun.

I tell you what'll be fun - a
- wedding.
- Yeah.

Mother, you need something to take
your mind off things,

which is why I have decided to cheer
you up with this.

Da-da!

It's a table. I know you have low
ambitions, but I mean... this is
ridiculous.

This is the judges' table.

Which I would like you to grace with
your expert knowledge of dance.

Oh...

Wise choice.

Hm...

Did you say... judges?

Well...

This is more like it, Jagadeesh.

Good to see someone can organise
something in this town that doesn't
end up like Cirque de Solarium.

Mother, may I introduce Mayor Auntie
Brenda?

The other judge.

The other judge?!

You ladies are going get along
famously. I'll leave so you can get
acquainted.

Mayor Auntie Brenda.

Mayor of Pontyberry.

Nina Indira Chowdhury.

Co-owner of this establishment.

- Welcome to my town.
- Welcome to MY
establishment.

Which is in my town.

- All right, Bobs?
- Not totally.

I haven't got a dance partner, have
I?

Finding a replacement for Dotty is
like looking for a virgin in the Big
Brother house.

Well...

I am free tonight, and I've been
known to strut my stuff after a
couple of shandies.

No offence, but I've seen you dance,
and you do have three left feet.

Now, am I imagining it, or was
Michael pulling a tyre down the yard
this morning?

Probably.

SHE SIGHS

He's gone all rugged and sporty since
he came back.

Of course. I see.

Take it from one who knows...

- You're rugged and sporty?!
- No, but I
once did a correspondence course in
cognitive psychotherapy.

Three-week intensive. Michael is
threatened by Rob.

No, I don't think so. We've talked
about it, and he seems fine.

Aw, Stella, Stella, Stella...

Michael might say he's fine, but
deep down he's an animal.

Threatened by the incoming alpha
male.

Rob, who's also an animal.

- You think?
- Press-ups, running up
hills...

He's putting on a courtship display
to show his suitability as a mate.

If you were a chimp, he'd be pulling
the head off a parrot, and peeing on
your foot to mark his turf.

Oh...

- Do you want that?
- No.

You've put me off now.

Right then, Rocky...

- Here we are.
- OK. Hold on...

- What's that?
- Caffeine gel.

Helps you train harder.

Look...

I don't quite know how to say this,
presh, but...

all this running, and weights and
stuff...

it's not because of Rob, is it?

Rob?! No, of course not.

Keeping fit, that's all.

Getting in shape for the little
lady.

There's no need to. You're perfectly
lovely as you are.

I don't know. I just feel like I've
let things slide, that I've taken
you for granted.

- No, you haven't.
- So it's no surprise
you might be tempted to stray.

- - I get it.
- Tempted to stray?!
- That
- came out wrong.
- Oh my God!

You think I'm so shallow I'd leap
into Rob's bed at the slightest sign
of trouble?

You're the one that got a girl
pregnant from a one-night stand!

And I've apologised a thousand
times. What else do you want me to
do?

I want you to take back your
insinuations about me and Rob.

Huh! Tempted to stray...! What do you
think I am? A cat?

- OK, I take it back, all right?
- Go
and pee on someone's foot.

What?

You all right?

You know me, Jagadeesh. I'm not one
to complain.

But you don't have two queens of the
Realm.

- You have to make a decision.
- Who's
going to be head judge?

Me... or her?

All right, my man.

Yes. What can I get for you?

Watch this one, mind. He's got more
sides than a Rubik's Cube.

Jagadeesh, would you be so kind as
to fix for this beautiful woman

her favourite tipple from her
courting days?

- Certainly. What drink is that?
- He
wouldn't remember.

Hippy Trippy Shake.

Ice, lemon, Babycham... and absinthe.

Shaken, not stirred.

...six, seven, eight...

One, two!

Use your hips, and forward. One,
two... And back.

Almost done. Keep it going.

Ready for the change. And duck.

One, two... Are you all right,
- Rhian?
- Get a bastard bucket ready.

The fry-up in here wants out.

SHE RETCHES

Two...

One, one, two.

Great, stuff, everyone.

All right, we'll end with some pad
work.

Remember, it's not about punching
hard. It's about rhythm, form and
speed.

We'd make a good match, do you
think? Same height and stuff.

To be honest, I'm only here for the
cardio. I'm going to give the
punching a miss.

Feeling your age, are you?

Lovely work, Reesey boy. Lovely
work.

Get your guard up, get your elbows
in.

What's the matter with you? And
hook!

Form and rhythm. It's not a
competition.

Remember to breathe.

Michael, take it easy!

- You're all right, aren't you?
- Yeah.
I'm fine.

No, no. Actually, I think that's
quite enough.

- Mum, what are you doing?
- Better safe
than sorry.

I'm OK.

Luke, call it a day now, yeah?

That's it, everyone. End of lesson.

- Cheers. Nice one.
- Hang on. We've got
another ten minutes if you want.

Same time next week, yeah?

Yeah, good.

Thanks a lot, Mam.

Believe me, I wouldn't ask unless it
was a code red national emergency.

First off, I don't do the waltz.
That's for geriatrics.

Not a problem. There's the tango.

Right, well, no lifts or jazz hands.
I can't bear that fancy dance stuff.

Agreed. Brownie's honour.

All right, I'm in.

Agghh! Right, good...

Here's Dotty's costume.

Now, it may need a nip and tuck here
and there.

It's not very see-through, is it?

Sorry about that. Got a bit carried
away.

Probably not fair putting us
together. Age difference and all
that.

No harm done. It's the pills I'm on.
They make me a bit dizzy.

- Pills? What for? Arthritis?
- No.

Menopause? Are you having hot
- flushes?
- Michael, no...

I've got chronic heart disease.

SHE SIGHS

Just because I'm digging your
potatoes doesn't mean I want to be
- friends.
- I'm really sorry -

Yeah, well, you really pissed me off.

Accusing me like that.

What sort of person do you think I
- am?
- I know about Rob.

Being ill.

SHE SIGHS

- He told you, then?
- Yeah.

Jesus, poor guy.

I know. It's just so... awful.

But why didn't YOU tell me?

I feel a right idiot now, thinking
you and him -

Hang on. YOU feel an idiot?

That's what's bothering you about Rob
having a death sentence hanging over
- him?
- Stella!

You're unbelievable!

And do you know what? You can dig
your own sodding potatoes.

I don't know, Bobby. Sometimes, when
it comes to Stella, I just feel like
everything I ever do is wrong.

Oh, look out. Someone's on the pity
pot.

I mean, what am I meant to do?

Sorry, it was an actual question?

Um...

Well, if you ask me, you should
remind her how good you are
together.

Like, when you make each other
laugh.

Or when you're just holding her
hand.

Not saying a word, but you both just
know... Christ, I'm welling up.

I mean...

Look, Michael, what does Stella
really want?

Um...

- Stability.
- No, she's not after the
workbench!

She wants passion, fun, spontaneity!

She wants to mess around and forget
about the serious stuff, and most of
all...

she wants a man without bits of
hazelnut in his teeth.

Right, time to look fabulous.

♪ "Maria" - Ricky Martin

You can't keep looking at your feet.
The judges'll mark us down.

Force of habit. Looking for mines.

I thought you said you could dance!

Of course I can dance. It flows
through my veins like a red-hot
lava!

- But I do usually lead.
- What? No, the
woman can't lead. It's against God
and nature.

Do you want to win this competition
- or not?!
- Of course, but how can -

Where I lead, you WILL follow.

Mm!

I could get used to this.

You need to switch it to auto.

Of course! I'm not a complete idiot!

God, you look...

♪ You make me feel like I'm the only
girl in the world... ♪

Can you film us practise?

Can you film us practise?

- Sure, yeah.
- Great.

- Ivan, tell me something.
- Yes?

Will I or will I not be able to wear
the blindfold in tonight's
competition?

- No.
- I can't do it.

You will be exquisite, Miss Bevan.
You need it not.

- How can you be so sure?
- Because a
mountain stream runs always
downhill.

I have no idea what you're talking
about.

But you was right about one thing,
though...

That blindfold took me away to
another world.

And I don't mean like Center Parcs.
No, it was...

Silly! I imagined I was Conchita, a
Spanish waitress from Madrid.

Oh, and do you speak Spanish?

Claro que hablo Espanol.

Hablo con el estilo y la pasion de
una mujer que ha pasado tres anos en
Magaluf como guia turistico.

CONTINUES TO SPEAK SPANISH

I shall take that as a yes.

I imagined a name for you and all -
the Wolf.

El Lobo.

They do have wolves in Spain, don't
they?

The beasts of the Basque.

What are we waiting for?!

CASTANETS PLAY

Same again, please, Sam. Jag.

Would the lady care to dance?

- Michael!
- I would be honoured if you
escorted me onto the dance floor.

And what if I refuse?

If I hold out my arm any longer I'm
going to get cramp,

so I'll need a nurse anyway.

When did you tell them to do that?

Whilst you were studying your glass.

Oh, so smooth.

I really am.

What dance are we doing exactly?

I think it's called the shuffle round
the room and hold onto each other
dance.

My favourite.

Oh!

- I hate it when we fight.
- Which is why
we're not going to ever again.

Maybe a tad unrealistic, but I like
the idea.

About Rob... You don't need to
explain.

No, I want to.

The only thing between us is
friendship.

Well, that and the fact we're Luke's
parents.

I know.

Oh, no, no, no! No members of the
public allowed on the dance floor.

Shoo, shoo!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to Strictly at the
Frisky!

Nice to see you at the Frisky Fox.

To see you at the Frisky Fox...

Nice!

FEEDBACK THROUGH MIKE

Duff crowd.

Good evening, my people.

On the judging panel this evening
will be myself,

Mayor Auntie Brenda.

And me, Nina Indira Chowdhury,
co-owner of this establishment.

And we appear to be joined by... I'm
sorry, I didn't get your name.

Scott fucking Quinnel.

Uh, this gentleman.

I always think that dancing -

What a lovely story. So, the rules
tonight are simple.

Each couple has a number. When your
number is called, you must leave the
floor immediately.

The last couple remaining will be
the winner.

There will be two dances, beginning
with...

- La salsa!
- Salsa!

As a connoisseur of dance, I must
say I'm quite impressed.

Apart from Yanto. He's got more
flare in his trousers.

I think Yanto and Carole must be the
first to go.

You know what, though, that pair -
Be quiet!

If you knew anything about dancing,
you'd have been on Strictly like
Gavin is!

Thank you for dancing, couple number
6.

I can dance ballroom but I hate
Latin.

I've never forgotten the Falklands.

Thank you for dancing, couple number
1.

Couple number 5.

Couple number 9.

Couple number 7.

I thought you were very unlucky,
Carole.

That's very nice, but we weren't.

I'm sure Yanto will make it up to
you somehow.

To be honest, Jag, he's not my type.

I mean, the love poetry... There's
only so many words that rhyme with
shrapnel.

Well that is sad to hear, but also
splendid.

Splendid, because you see, Carole,
I...

How can I put this?

I know... Have you heard the age-old
parable -

Play your cards right, there'll be
more where that came from later.

APPLAUSE

And now, ladies and gentlemen, down
to the last two couples.

- You are on fire, Conchita.
- You make
me roar, El Lobo.

- Gird your loins.
- I've got no choice
in these trousers.

Well, I think we can agree that
couple number 2 are worthy winners.

Surely a joke?! It has to be couple
number 4.

What?! Have you been smoking the
reefer?

I've never been so insulted in all my
life!

And I haven't even started!

Right, well, it's a bit shit there
has to be a loser.

But there does, so...

...the winners are...

APPLAUSE

I'd just like to sing this song for
a very special lady.

♪ Have I told you lately

♪ That I love you?

♪ Have I told you there's no-one
else above you?

I hear Uncle Clem's quite a
character.

He bought me my first pint.

Well, I say bought. I had to give
him the money, he went to the bar.

Right, I got you a mineral water. Is
that OK?

No, but it's what I'm supposed to
have.

- Lovely bubbles.
- Cheers.

If you ever fancy going for a run,
I'll keep you company.

Could do with getting fit myself.

Maybe. Didn't cover myself in glory
at the boxing, did I?

Look, I know it's none of my
business, but if you don't tell Luke

he's going to find out from someone
else.

Wouldn't it be better coming from
you?

Both of you.

SHE LAUGHS

To Conchita and El Lobo.

Conchita and El Lobo.

You were amazing.

As were you.

♪ Take away all my sadness

♪ Fill my life with gladness

♪ Ease my troubles, that's what you
do ♪

Certificate for coming second...

At least it has its uses, I suppose.

Conchita!

Female dancers - divas.

All of them.

Night.

How long have you known?

A while.

How long?

I had a heart attack in April.

- You had a heart attack?
- A minor one.

You had a heart attack, and you
didn't think to tell me?

I'm sorry.

- Well, obviously you knew.
- I haven't
known long.

But... yeah.

Why are you always doing this? I'm
30, for Christ's sake!

You don't have to lie to me all the
- time.
- We didn't exactly lie.

Your dad's come over from Canada to
visit you and the kids, Luke.

Your dad's collapsed because of some
silly diet, Luke.

I know this is a shock, but there's
still so many things the doctors can
do.

- Isn't there, Rob?
- I know you're a
nurse, but an expert on heart
disease now, is it?

Don't have a go at your mother. I
should have told you. I just
couldn't find the right time.

When is the right time, Rob? When
you're dead?!

Luke...

I don't want to talk.

I'm sorry, Zoe.

See yourselves out.

Oh. You.

OK, kiddo.

I may not have been telling the whole
truth earlier.

The thing is...

I've got nothing.

And that's the God's honest.

I've got nothing, and no-one, and
nowhere to go.

You're the only one I know who won't
turn me away.

You wouldn't turn me away...

Will you?

I don't know where Luke gets that
temper from.

Must be you.

Well, at least he knows the truth
now.

Some of it.

What do you mean?

I had these tests done. I didn't
tell you.

- What tests?
- To see if I could
withstand a bypass.

And it turns out that I can't.

My consultant rang me this
afternoon.

Right, well, what are we going to do,
then, because we've got to do
something.

Drugs, or -Suspect they may have
run out of options.

Oh, Jesus, Rob, every time you come
back you're like this exploding bomb
that blows my fucking world apart!

Sorry, that's probably the most
self-centred thing I've ever said.

I just can't imagine you not being
here, that's all.

Thanks for the lift.

Have you ever done something that
you regret?

I want you gone by the end of the
- day.
- Come on, B!

I request that you leave
- immediately.
- You don't fire me,
mush!

I resign!

- Are you all right?
- No, bloody again.

It's Braxton Hicks, or indigestion.

I want to call Mikey.

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