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The following programme contains
strong language.
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00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,559
♪ Oo-oo-ooh
3
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,439
♪ Oo-oo-oo-ooh
4
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,800
♪ And then she smiles
5
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,679
♪ And my heart starts beating
6
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,320
♪ I go weak inside
7
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,800
♪ Ooh-oo-oo. ♪
8
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,280
She's got her dad's eyes, that's for
sure.
9
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,879
We just done three and a half K,
- didn't we, babes?
- Serious?
10
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,239
I won't let childbirth get the
better of me, Stell. No way.
11
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,639
And it wouldn't do you no harm to
shift a few pounds!
12
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:54,479
Just cos there's no man in the
house... Actually.....don't let
yourself go to the dogs.
13
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,759
Right. Let me know if you need
anything doing for the christening.
14
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,839
I'm in college, but I can always nip
out.
15
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,000
I've got it sorted, as long as your
Luke don't let me down. So long!
16
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,560
- - Morning.
- Morning.
- Thank you.
17
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,599
I miss you so much.'Yeah.'
18
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,359
I'm useless without you.
19
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,119
Ah. Gotcha!
20
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,479
Stella, what are you doing?
21
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,759
I swear to God, once you pass 40,
your eyebrows give birth overnight.
22
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,119
Nice
23
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,279
What time are you back later, then, presh?
24
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,799
'About nine.'
25
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,679
Do us a favour. On your way home
pick up a christening present.
26
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,319
Something cheap like a photo frame.
27
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,559
You're a godmother. You can't just
get a photo frame!
28
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:04,399
I didn't ask to be godmother! Hey,
you know that prize draw I entered?
29
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,559
There have been quite a few!
30
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,599
The one in the magazine.
31
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,279
Well, this morning, I won two dozen
bottles of mouthwash!
32
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,879
Good. I can put them with the two
dozen bottles of toilet cleaner you
won last week
33
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,879
Hands off, Jackson. I'm selling them
in the car boot.
34
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,360
About the car boot... Mum, hurry up!
I need the bog!
35
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,719
- Good morning!
- No, it isn't!
36
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,159
Hi, Ben!
37
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,239
It's so silly you sending off for
freebies all the time. I'm earning
good money.
38
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,359
Yeah, and spending most of it on
London rent and rail fares!
39
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,119
Look.
40
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:40,200
I am using my initiative to keep us
above water, that's all.
41
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,959
I cannot wait to see you.
42
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,879
Me, too.
43
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,120
Can we have lots of disgusting sex?
44
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:53,400
Yes, as soon as I've watered my
runner beans - and that's not
a euphemism!
45
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,880
You and your bloody allotment!
Honestly!
46
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,120
Michael... Yeah?
47
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,159
When are you gonna speak to her?
48
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,279
Oh, don't start this again!
49
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,399
Oh, it's not gonna go away, presh.
50
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,479
Beyonce Evans is having your baby in
eight weeks
51
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:16,319
and you won't talk to her or see her
or even acknowledge it's happening.
52
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,719
I've got to go. Sorry. Ten o'clock
meeting.
53
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,960
Enjoy your last day at college. Bye!
54
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:27,760
Great
55
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,479
Jag, I'll stick this in the stock
room, shall I, butt?
56
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,639
Yes, please, "butt"!
57
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,279
Knock yourself out! Though not
literally!
58
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:48,279
But if you did knock yourself out,
that would be fine.
59
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,759
Because you would be completely
covered by my public liability
insurance.
60
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,359
Third party, fire and theft.
61
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,959
I bet you still can't believe it's
happening, eh?
62
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,280
Your name above a pub door!
63
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,239
Oh, I want this place to be so much
more than a pub.
64
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,639
I want The Frisky Fox to be the
heartbeat of Pontyberry.
65
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,479
A community hub.
66
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,080
Yeah, you said.
67
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,559
The room at the back will be the
home of all sorts.
68
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,359
Computer classes, yoga, dance
classes.
69
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,599
A whole cacophony of community
events.
70
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,479
They still don't add up - again.
71
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,079
Jasminder, I'm riffing.
72
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,800
It's 50 quid out! Look.
73
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,679
Don't take a genius to work out
who's been helping themselves.
74
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,719
Hush. You'll get me sued for
slander!
75
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,719
I'm sorry, but there's definitely
something shifty about that woman.
76
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,240
Shifty?
77
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,599
Well, speaking of shifty,
78
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,639
your shifty tonight will start at
six o'clocks.
79
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,199
I ain't working tonight. It's
- Friday.
- That's exactly why you ARE
working tonight
80
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,879
- cos we'll be run off our feet!
- Sorry
to interrupt. Shall I start in the
bedrooms?
81
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,839
- Yes, please.
- I'll get on with it.
Just cos I'm your daughter, doesn't
mean you can take the mick.
82
00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:00,039
You are sounding exactly like your
- mother, now.
- I'm gonna call her.
83
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,599
And do round the architraves?
84
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,760
Yes. Complaining at every whip, snip
- and dongle.
- No wonder she divorced
you!
85
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,839
I divorced her, as well you know!
86
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,599
I did.
87
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,239
I divorced her.
88
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,719
Right.
89
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:18,559
Oh, Jag! I hear you've got a
function room for community events?
90
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,479
- That's right.
- Only my cousin was
looking for somewhere.
91
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,759
- Is he?
- For a community cocking cock
fight.
92
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,160
CLUCKING
93
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,159
Oh.
94
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,719
...And you'll have to, you know,
announce the devil
95
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,039
and stand by the pont and light the
candle.
96
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,759
It's a big honour being a godfather,
- son.
- Yeah.
97
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,519
Like Marlon Brando in the film.
98
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,159
"I'm gonna make him an offer she
won't refuse."
99
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,519
But he was a bit older than you, was
Brando.
100
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,079
- Yeah.
- And a bit fatter.
101
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,519
Talking about me again, Karl?
102
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,599
Alright, Stell? What?
103
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:56,479
- No! No, no.
- I'm having a clear-out.
Found that old christening gown you
was after, of your Nana's.
104
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,199
Oh, that's disgusting, that is!
105
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,559
- It looks like a manky duster!
- Want
me to sell it at the car boot?
106
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,000
Aye, go on, then.
107
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,959
Oh, Ben, why are you doing this to
yourself?
108
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,959
He's not on the porn, is he, Stell?
109
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,799
He told me he was doing his
- homework!
- I ain't doing nothing.
110
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,239
He's stalking his ex-girlfriend
on Facebook. Look.
111
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,919
What do you know about Facebook?
112
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,679
You watch. Come the autumn, you
won't even remember Lily's name.
113
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,279
- Will he, Karl?
- Yeah. Right.
114
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,959
Bloody hell!
115
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,359
I actually used to wear these! Do
you remember?
116
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,039
Oh, yeah!
117
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,559
Used to make your arse look massive!
118
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,240
Hey, shut up, you!
119
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,279
Hi, Bobs. Tea in the pot if you want
some.
120
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,959
Don't bother. I'm having a can.
121
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,319
Right. See you in church, then, is
- it?
- Yeah.
122
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,760
- So long.
- Ta-ra.
123
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,399
Are you sure you should be drinking,
this time of the morning?
124
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,119
It's not morning to me, is it?
I've just done a night shift.
125
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,599
Oh, look, love. I know you hate this
job
126
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:57,319
but something else will come along.
You've just got to hang on in there.
127
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,879
I've been hanging on so long, I look
like a row of washing!
128
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,919
- Oh, my God, Mam!
- What's the matter?
129
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,759
Lily's just updated her status.
130
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,160
She's seeing Darren Lomax!
131
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,559
This week's rent, Aunty Bren.
Thanks, Cheryl, love.
132
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,440
It's all there, minus £3.70 for the
use of my razor.
133
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:31,519
Honest to God, Marj, I rue the day
I ever took that one on as a lodger.
134
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,799
Is she still prancing round in the
buff?
135
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:38,320
Less than she was, but I live in
fear on a daily basis.
136
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:43,679
Hey, kid! That wife of yours has
gone off gallivanting, I hear!
137
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,719
Not gallivanting. Her dad's had a
heart attack. She's looking after
him.
138
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,919
Ah, so she do say!
139
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,639
Left him quite literally holding the
baby, Marj!
140
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,399
With no job and a gambling
addiction!
141
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,839
Hey, they're looking for people up
the turkey farm, butt.
142
00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,999
Are they? Well, I'll bear it in
mind.
143
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,319
Cheers.
144
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,999
Where have you been, Luke Morgan?
145
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,519
Quarter past, we said.
146
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,759
What do you expect? He's a man!
147
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,759
- And an ex-con.
- Thanks for that
148
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,679
What are you doing leaving him in
charge?
149
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:12,999
I got no choice, Aunty Bren.
150
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,719
Karl's not back till the early hours
151
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,319
and I've got a barrage of things to
do before the christening
152
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,399
including a bikini wax and an
eyebrow thread.
153
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,599
Right, Luke. Don't let anyone pee in
my bidet! So long!
154
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,319
Hey, you'll be back by five, though,
won't you?
155
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,399
Never trust a woman with a bidet,
kid!
156
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,320
BABY STARTS CRYING
157
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,120
SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE
158
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:43,919
Well?
159
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,879
They've confirmed for Monday.
Brilliant!
160
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,919
This case could be really lucrative
for us, Michael.
161
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,319
- He's not ours yet.
- No. But he will
be.
162
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,439
Let me buy you a drink after work,
to celebrate.
163
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,839
Sorry, but I want to get off early.
Of course.
164
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,799
Back to your little Welsh rarebit.
165
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,000
- Hey!
- I was talking about your
evening meal.
166
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:07,879
Listen, I think that it's great that
you're managing to make it work,
167
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,999
- this weekend commute.
- Thanks.
168
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,759
But if it becomes a problem...
It won't become a problem.
169
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,160
Good.
170
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,799
I'll just wipe down them tables and
- then zip off, alright?
- Thank you.
171
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,519
Oh, and I found this in bedroom
three. I took all the cash, of
course.
172
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,559
What?!
173
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,199
I'm joking!
174
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,720
His phone number's in there, and a
few cards. So you should be able to
track him down.
175
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,720
I told you!
176
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,039
It's one of those things,
camper-vanning. You either love it
or you hate it.
177
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,799
And we love it. How about you two?
Any chance of getting away?
178
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,599
Well, I'm working on it. I've
entered seven holiday competitions.
179
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:06,159
- Seven?!
- Three cruises, two city
breaks, skiing in the French Alps...
180
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,639
- Can you ski?
- No. And ten days on a
longboat in the Norfolk Broads.
181
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,839
One of them's got to come good.
Right! Look sharp!
182
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,799
Your final class of the year.
183
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,439
Yes, it's summer-time, but the
living ain't easy.
184
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,079
Not if you're a nurse.
185
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,919
Because a nurse, Stella Morris, is
always on duty,
186
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:27,720
even when she or he is wearing
a bikini and playing volleyball
on a beach.
187
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,439
I rang the owner of the wallet.
188
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,239
- He was very relieved.
- I'll bet!
189
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,839
Though he claims there was £30 in
there.
190
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,640
Then he's lying.
191
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,239
Yes. Sorry. My head is all over the
place at the moment.
192
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,159
I'm short-staffed for tonight
193
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,959
and top of that, the till seems to
be £50 out.
194
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:53,919
It's just... Don't blame me. I'm the
cleaner. I don't go nowhere near the
till.
195
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,960
Of course. Sorry.
196
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:05,119
Jasminder's till code is JAS, yeah?
Yes, I believe so.
197
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,999
Well, you can see she's put in a
glass of wine at £54 instead of £4.
198
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,719
I don't think even you would charge
£54 for a glass of wine, would you,
Jag?
199
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,119
No, indeed!
200
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:18,039
The whole thing just didn't make
sense!
201
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,759
Money disappearing from under my
nose like that.
202
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,879
But you have solved it!
203
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,119
- Excellent!
- No, it's not excellent.
204
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,399
You thought I'd nicked it, didn't
you?
205
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,759
- What?! No!
- Do you know what? I don't
have to take this.
206
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,159
You can stuff your bloody job!
207
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,079
No. Carole!
208
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,160
Carole? Carole, please!
209
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,639
Right. I'll see you at the barbecue.
I'm only bringing crisps.
210
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:51,119
I've done some marinated spare ribs,
oyster sauce with a hint of garlic
and chilli.
211
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,719
- What are you bringing?
- Pre-load.
212
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,439
He's sulking because of Lily and
Darren Lomax.
213
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,680
Mate, Lomax is a joke. He still
believes in the tooth fairy!
214
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,599
Go easy, Ben, for God's sake.
215
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,319
You'll make an idiot of yourself.
216
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,119
Too late. I already did that.
217
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,400
Apparently when she told me she
loved me, she was lying!
218
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,320
Oh, God!
219
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,679
God, I do feel for you, having
Cheryl living opposite you.
220
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,679
Watching over you all summer!
I know.
221
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:23,319
And remember, every step you take,
every breath you take,
222
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,080
every move you take - make.
223
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,519
Come on. First round's on me.
224
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,119
Yeah. I'll catch you up. I've just
got to pop to the library.
225
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,799
It's summer holidays! Hello?
226
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,920
Won't be long.
227
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,200
You're very strange, you know that?
228
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,479
Yeah, well, I'm not hanging round
here all day. I've got stuff to do.
229
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,039
Just take a seat. Janet will be with
you now, alright?
230
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:57,719
- Is there a problem?
- I'm just saying,
this is what is wrong with the NHS.
231
00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,439
Four o'clock, they said.
232
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,399
Beyonce Evans?
233
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,879
About time! I've been waiting ages.
234
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,440
Well, come on, then. This was your
idea!
235
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,799
I take it you're her mother?
236
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:14,280
No. I'm actually the girlfriend of
the father of her baby.
237
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,040
Jeremy Kyle eat your heart out, eh?
238
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:39,759
Nadine's not back yet, Aunty Bren.
Any chance you could babysit? I've
got to get to Cardiff.
239
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,279
SPLUTTERS
240
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,399
What do you think I am, Luke Morgan?
241
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,039
Some underpaid au pair from the
Eastern bloc?
242
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:51,479
I'm a high-powered civil servant
with constituents to attend to.
243
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,160
Banging your door down, are they?
244
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,960
Right, you two. You'll have to come
with me.
245
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,319
Oh, my God. Is there something wrong
with it?
246
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:20,199
Cos I'm not having it if there's
something wrong with it, like his
head's fallen off.
247
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,119
Don't say things like that!
248
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,000
No. All looking perfectly normal.
249
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,199
It was a waste of time. Could have
been a dodgy curry, that's all.
250
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,599
You were right to come in, though.
Always best to check.
251
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,319
Yeah, well, it's her, it is,
fuss-assing around me all the time.
252
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,479
Do you want to keep the scan photo?
253
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,559
I'm afraid we have to charge £2.
254
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,399
Well, I've heard it all, now!
255
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,959
I know. Hospital policy. Sorry.
256
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,920
Yeah, well, you can stick it.
257
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,279
Um, look.
258
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,879
I'll take it.
259
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,079
Just in case she changes her mind.
260
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,280
Are you some kind of saint, or what?
261
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,360
♪ Oh, what a day
262
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,919
♪ I can't describe it
263
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,960
♪ Oh, what a strain
264
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,880
♪ So I decided to get away
265
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,839
♪ Somewhere nicer... ♪
266
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,360
Thank you very much.
267
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,599
Ah, you're back early.
268
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,479
Hiya. Yeah, I thought I'd surprise
your mum.
269
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,039
Bit late for a kids' day out, isn't
it?
270
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,799
Yeah. I gotta go Cardiff but
Nadine's dumped me in it.
271
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,759
- Oh.
- Listen, I don't suppose you
could have 'em for me, could you?
272
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,839
Only they're not really meant to go
to...
273
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,959
No. Sorry, Luke. I was going to make
her dinner and everything.
274
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,879
Yeah. Alright. I'd have thought
you'd like the practice, Michael.
275
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,720
What is it now, two months away?
276
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,640
Don't worry about it.
277
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,079
Have you been taking them iron
- tablets I gave you?
- Yeah. They're
rank!
278
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,199
Stop me, you know, going, like.
279
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,239
Yeah, well, they're really good for
the baby.
280
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:55,079
Listen, it's really chilly outside
today. You've hardly got anything
on.
281
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,559
Borrow my cardi, is it?
282
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,079
Whoa!
283
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:03,319
Right little fashion queen, aren't
- you, Stell?
- It does the job!
284
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,120
Right. Let's hope I don't see no-one
I know!
285
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,919
- Got money for the bus?
- What do you
think?
286
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,919
Right. Well, take this.
287
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,519
You can't walk home, for God's sake.
288
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,960
Cheers.
289
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,239
Oh, and send my love to Mike.
290
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,519
He do know you're seeing me today,
doesn't he?
291
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,280
Of course he do.
292
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,119
♪ Girl, I say
293
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:39,560
♪ If only life would lean
our way... ♪
294
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,119
How's it looking?
295
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,879
We've got the first of our new
potatoes up.
296
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,759
Bit of butter on them now for tea.
Nice.
297
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,919
Your courgettes are taking over the
place, man!
298
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,920
I know. I'm gonna do a big harvest
this weekend.
299
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,799
♪ ..Nobody could tell us to stay. ♪
300
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,839
- Michael Jackson!
- Aunty Brenda!
301
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,839
As your local councillor elected,
302
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,159
I'm offering you
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
303
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,999
for a one-on-one private
and confidential consultation
304
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,079
about anything you like,
as long as it's legal!
305
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,439
- Come on!
- I don't really have
anything that...
306
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,639
There must be something I can help
you with.
307
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:22,519
Flickering lampposts? Rubbish
collection? Asylum seeking?
308
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,440
No, no, I'm absolutely fine.
309
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,679
What's the point?
310
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,959
You're just as bad as the rest of
Pontyberry!
311
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,399
Apathy courses through your veins!
312
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,800
No, it doesn't. I just don't have
any problems.
313
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,919
You've got an illegitimate child in
the belly of a Jezebel!
314
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,679
I'd have thought that was problem
enough!
315
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,039
That is none of your business, and
it's not something I'd talk to a
local bloody councillor about!
316
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,480
Jesus!
317
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,199
Yep.
318
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,919
We're not abandoning you, Ben.
319
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,799
Yeah, you are. Leaving me stuck in
Pontyberry all summer
320
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,039
while you're in France chasing frog
- men.
- Oi!
321
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,879
And he's in a bloody camper van
somewhere up north!
322
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,479
- I'll swap with you, if you like.
- No, thanks.
323
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,519
Come on. The great outdoors. You'll
have a right laugh.
324
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,039
Katie, have you ever been inside a
camper van?
325
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,039
I mean, what's gonna happen at
night-time?
326
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,479
I don't know which is worse,
listening to my old man snore
327
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,479
or worry that I'm gonna hear them
having sex.
328
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:23,879
Eugh! Gross!
329
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,560
- Oh, my God. Don't look now.
- What?
330
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,519
- Ben, just leave her.
- Don't do
anything. You'll ruin the party.
331
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,000
It's alright. I ain't gonna do
nothing.
332
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,080
Ben!
333
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,079
♪ Summer in the city where the air
is still
334
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,720
♪ A baby being born to the
overkill... ♪
335
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:06,679
Thing is, Jag, I'm a powerhouse of
ideas, bursting to get out there
and change the world.
336
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,880
But the world just don't want
changing.
337
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,479
At least you're not a security guard
at a warehouse up the Wenor.
338
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,679
God, my life's a joke!
339
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,479
Jag! Jag! Jag!
340
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,959
- Jag!
- One moment, please, Nadine.
I'm serving.
341
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,399
- But it's an emergency!
- Please bear
with me.
342
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,439
The bakery have closed and I haven't
got the cake for tomorrow!
343
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,479
No, they dropped it off. It's in the
kitchen.
344
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,319
Oh, God! My head's all over the op!
345
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,879
Hey. That Luke Morgan was expecting
you home an hour ago.
346
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,199
What's the matter with him? Not like
he haven't got nothing else to do.
347
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,959
Anyway, he's taken them somewhere.
Christ knows where.
348
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,719
Probably sat right now at a gaming
table playing poker,
349
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,880
cigar in one hand, baby Genevieve in
the other.
350
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:50,759
'Ben, stop it!'
351
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,959
Ben, leave him! Stop it!
352
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,559
- Ben!
- Ben!
353
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,359
Ben! Ben!
354
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:58,279
He's telling the truth, Ben.
355
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,879
You and me were over long before
I got together with Darren.
356
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,279
- Like a week?
- Nine days.
357
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,399
It's over, mate. Like the song says.
358
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,839
I know you want to make her see how
much this pain hurts,
359
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,639
but you've got to walk away now.
360
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,199
- What song's that?
- The Streets,
I think it was.
361
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,519
♪ Dry your eyes, mate
362
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,999
♪ I know you want
to make her see... ♪
363
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,999
I used to love that song when I was
little.
364
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,799
# But you've got to walk away
now. ♪
365
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,639
Excuse me. I'm in pieces here, and
you two think you're on fucking
X Factor!
366
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,359
- Yeah. Sorry.
- I'm sorry.
367
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,799
♪ Dry your eyes, mate
368
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,040
♪ I know it's hard to take... ♪
369
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,119
- Little Al.
- What?
370
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,999
He needs his best friend right now, yeah?
371
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,959
Look after him for me, cos I still
care about him, yeah?
372
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,839
The only thing you care about is
Lomax.
373
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,759
And he still believes in the tooth
fairy.
374
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,960
SHE CRIES
375
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,119
♪ But you've got to walk away now
376
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,999
♪ It's over. ♪
377
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,479
Oh, my God!
378
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,239
- Cerys!
- Hiya!
379
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,079
What, you two know each other?
380
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,840
- Sort of.
- We met at my dad's wedding,
- didn't we?
- Yeah.
381
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,400
Right. Well, I don't know about you,
but I'm gasping for a sausage!
382
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,559
- You never called me.
- I lost my
- phone.
- No, you go on.
383
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,319
I lost my phone and I didn't know
anyone else that had your number.
384
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,799
I thought about Facebooking you, but
I wasn't sure if you were that
bothered.
385
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,120
I was bothered! I was totally
bothered!
386
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:27,039
Nope. Never smoked, never gambled,
never drugged.
387
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:31,039
Never even binged on chocolate cake
or stuffed my face in a pie.
388
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:35,879
I am totally in control of my vices,
which comprise alcohol. I know my
limits.
389
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,839
Coffee, two cups a day.
390
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,359
And occasional lapses into hard-core
sado-masochistic sex.
391
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,000
Yep.
392
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,159
Now, if you'll excuse me,
393
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,840
Betty Wong do look like she've got
in with the wrong crowd.
394
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:56,759
Alright?
395
00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,279
- Busy, isn't it?
- Which is why me and
him are making a move.
396
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,279
Come on, chirpy-chops. A bowl of my
stew will put a smile on your face.
397
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,399
- Whatever.
- Don't be coming home too
early tonight, Bobs.
398
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,040
I want a bit of private time for me
and Michael.
399
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,960
- Have some water.
- No.
400
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,039
I worry about you, Ben.
401
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,119
- No, you don't!
- I do!
402
00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:39,479
You're like a sort of, I don't know,
a pretend kid brother or something.
403
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,839
You'll have the real thing in a few
weeks, won't you?
404
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,559
- Then you'll forget about me.
- I'll
never forget you.
405
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,039
You're too annoying!
406
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,679
And I doubt I'll ever meet my dad's
baby.
407
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,999
He won't even talk to me about it.
408
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,559
Or Stella.
409
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,919
He's really messed up, bless him.
410
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,999
Well, if he hadn't been such an
almighty shagger and messed my mam
around,
411
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,840
he wouldn't even be in this mess,
would he?
412
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,560
You're a dick!
413
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,879
Have you seen that Luke Morgan?
Is he in by here?
414
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,079
Oh, just let yourself in, Nadine,
why don't you?
415
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,839
He's not answering his mobile. I've
not seen heel nor hound of him since
this morning!
416
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,399
He was at the station, earlier,
taking the kids to Cardiff.
417
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,479
Cardiff?! If he's not back within
the hour, I'm calling the police.
418
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,799
You can tell him that from me,
- Michael Jackson!
- How? How can I
tell him?
419
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,799
Oh, God!
420
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,959
So, that's where I'm at, I suppose.
421
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,839
I can't say it's gone away.
422
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:42,079
You know, that feeling of, I don't
know,
423
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:43,679
needing to gamble.
424
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,279
I still cross the road when I pass
the bookies'.
425
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:50,040
Even the bloody scratch cards call
out to me sometimes when I'm buying
my fags.
426
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,799
But it's getting less. It's getting
better.
427
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,840
Just keep going, I guess.
428
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,839
It's true what they say.
429
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,359
But a day at a time.
430
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:03,719
Cheers.
431
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,199
Oh, and if anyone's interested,
432
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,639
I'm thinking of starting a new
meeting in Pontyberry.
433
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,759
I'll keep you posted, like.
434
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,479
MOBILE RINGS
435
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:13,959
Just got to...
436
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,400
Nadine?
437
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,240
No, she's fine!
438
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,440
No, she haven't been playing
roulette!
439
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,200
LOUD MUSIC AND CHATTER
440
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,199
Please, I need your help!
441
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,159
Two vodka tonics coming right up.
442
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,520
If you come now, I will pay you
double!
443
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,399
£1.50 change.
Madam, you are next, I promise.
444
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,160
I will pay you triple! Please!
445
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,440
OK. Who's next?
446
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,799
And Michael knows nothing about it?
447
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,719
I could hardly tell him, could I?
448
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,959
"Michael, I've been in regular
contact with the mother of your
unborn child
449
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:59,640
"who you want absolutely nothing to
do with."He's got to find out
- sooner or later.
- I know.
450
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,199
Hey, shouldn't you get going?
451
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,560
Oh, God, yeah. I'm not even sure
Little Alan's packed yet.
452
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,879
- We'll send lots of postcards.
- Yeah.
453
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,399
And don't let Alan do something
stupid like hang-gliding or
pot-holing!
454
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,559
- You know what he's like!
- Oh, mate.
455
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,279
Two whole months!
456
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,079
I'm really gonna miss you, you know.
457
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,880
I'm gonna miss you, too!
458
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,519
Now, bugger off!
459
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,799
Carole, it is Jagadeesh again.
460
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,199
If you get this message, perhaps
you'd reconsider... One minute, please.
461
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,239
...and come... One moment.
462
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,479
Please, come and help me. Please!
463
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,559
Jag, are you alright?
464
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,000
I cannot cope, Stella. I've taken on
too much.
465
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,719
Right. You lot, calm down or you
won't get served.
466
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,280
Billy Carr. You're next.
467
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,479
It's been so brilliant, seeing you
tonight.
468
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,280
Like, such a shock.
469
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,879
I mean a good shock!
470
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,440
So, are you gonna walk me home,
then, or what?
471
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:06,840
Yeah. Alright!
472
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,840
I'll get us a couple of burgers for
the journey.
473
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,879
Hey! Cerys Ferris lives in a
terrace!
474
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,359
You should do stand-up.
475
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:20,119
Only joking, Little Al.
476
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:22,959
- Little Alan!
- Celia!
477
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,599
I've been calling you!
478
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,679
Your dad's been held up in
Gloucester.
479
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,839
So Yanto's gonna take us to meet him
there. Come on.
480
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,120
But I was gonna... Can I just say
goodbye... No, love, we're late.
481
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,839
Ben, if you see Cerys...
482
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,960
BLOWS HORN
483
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,440
DOORBELL
484
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:39,679
Surprise!
485
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,680
Oh, babes, you shouldn't have
486
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:50,000
- Beyonce.
- It's good to see you, Mike.
You're looking hot.
487
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,519
I brought Stella's cardi back.
488
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,639
She lent it to me today at the
hospital.
489
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,519
Good as gold, she is, fair play.
Always looking out for me.
490
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:03,439
- You saw Stella today?
- Yeah, she come
to the scan with me.
491
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:04,760
What?
492
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,719
Anyway, say thanks and that.
493
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,040
I'll see her next week, most probs.
494
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,720
She brought this back.
495
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,999
She said you lent it to her when you
went for the scan, for fuck's sake.
Yeah.
496
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,360
She said you were, "Always looking
out for her."
497
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,039
I can't not care about your baby,
Michael.
498
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:53,679
I wish I didn't, but I do.
499
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,320
Stella...
500
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,760
It's a little boy.
501
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,440
Look!
502
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,159
- I'm going to bed.
- Michael...
I really don't want to talk about
this.
503
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,199
Please don't let it spoil our
evening together.
504
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,719
I've got so much to tell you. I got
a job tonight at the pub...
505
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,399
Why does everyone in this town think
it's OK to barge into people's
houses?
506
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,919
I need to stay with you this summer.
- What?!
- What?!
507
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,719
- Celia, what's going on?
- He says he's
not coming on holiday.
508
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,519
I'm nearly 18. I know her and Dad
like vanning but I can't stand it
509
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:25,999
and I'm not a kid any more!
510
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,279
- Where's Alan?
- He's stuck in bloody
- Gloucester!
- We're going to meet him.
511
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,039
- Stella!
- Oh, great
Nadine.
512
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,399
- Once again, come on in!
- Don't be
disgusting.
513
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,519
Your Luke absconded with Genevieve
today.
514
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,079
Took her to Cardiff today without so
much a by your leave!
515
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:43,079
- Not now, Nadine.
- I'll help around
- the house.
- She's picked up germs
from one of them gamblers.
516
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,119
- Nadine!
- What's Alan gonna say
if I turn up without him!
517
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,079
I'm home!
518
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,479
Oh, my God! Ben!
519
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,519
Mam, I'm really drunk and someone's
written knob on my head, see?
520
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,559
- Little Alan!
- So can I stay, then,
Stell? Can I? Can I? Can I?
521
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:59,519
- I don't know!
- You didn't go vanning!
522
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,359
You stayed for me, even though I'm a
total knob, look!
523
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,519
Well, actually, it's because...
I love you.
524
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,839
We're gonna have the best summer,
just you and me.
525
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,639
No poncy girls or girls or nothing.
526
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,519
We're gonna have the boys' summer, yeah?
527
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,839
- Calm down.
- Calm down, get to bed
and drink some bloody water!
528
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:20,719
What in the name of Michael Ball is
going on?
529
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,919
Me and him have just been watching
David Attenborough's
what-do-you-call
530
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,879
but there's more wildlife happening
in by here, by the looks.
531
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,679
And good God, what are you still
doing here?
532
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,759
I thought you'd be traipsing round
the country in your camper van!
533
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,799
- I'm going to bed.
- Oh, Michael...
534
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,160
ALL TALK AT ONCE
535
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,559
Would you all get out of my house?
536
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,320
TALK OVER EACH OTHER
537
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,480
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
538
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,960
Good morning. Ivan Schloss,
international director of funerals.
539
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,040
No, we are not open yet for
business.
540
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:24,840
Wednesday.
541
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:29,439
Well, can you keep her in a cool
place for a couple of days?
542
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,320
Out of direct sunlight?
543
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,520
Good.
544
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,959
Eughh. People like you make me sick.
545
00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:01,839
It's not natural.
546
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,439
Exercise do banish the demons and
ward off disease.
547
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:08,480
Plus I've not been invited to this
christening, and I don't want to
look like I care.
548
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:14,279
Please put that filthy cigarette
- out!
- Don't start on me - I'm
depressed.
549
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:15,999
That's as may be, Bobby Gittins,
550
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,799
but it's coming in through the
letter box!
551
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,039
How's this baby gonna get christened
if it's coughing in the vicar's
face?
552
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:22,719
Alright, 'Dine?
553
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:26,439
- Everything ready?
- Apart from the
fact that I've not heard from Karl.
554
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,519
He was supposed to be here at seven
this morning.
555
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,199
If he's had an accident and ruined
his daughter's big day,
556
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,239
so help me, Stell, I'll never
forgive him!
557
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,200
He'll be here now, you watch.
558
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:42,240
Your Michael have been down that
allotment since the crack of
sparrows.
559
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:56,560
Coffee?
560
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,279
Katie's gonna see us there.
561
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,680
She's really excited about France.
562
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:10,559
- Really.
- You got plenty of carrots
there.
563
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,279
I'll have to make a carrot cake, later.
564
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:16,440
I nearly lost you to Beyonce bloody
Evans. Can't you see I don't want to
have anything to do with her!
565
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,039
And she's mental!
566
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,080
She freaks me out, if I'm honest.
567
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,079
She's just young.
568
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,399
And a bit stupid and probably quite
- scared.
- Christ, don't defend her!
569
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,120
I'm not.
570
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,359
Look, I won't contact her again, OK?
571
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,160
Thank you.
572
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,999
I've ironed your pink shirt.
573
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,439
Are you gonna wear that with your
- blue suit?
- I'm not going!
574
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,679
Don't be daft. Everyone's expecting
you.
575
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,679
They'll just have to be
- disappointed, won't they?
- It'll be a
laugh!
576
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:53,519
What's with this Pollyanna attitude?
"Cheer up, it might never happen."
It's so annoying.
577
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,239
You think I'm enjoying this, do you?
578
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,279
People pointing at me when I go to
the shops?
579
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,599
"That's the one whose boyfriend had
a one-night stand, got the girl
pregnant. She should leave him."
580
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,839
- Who says things like that? Who?
- Or
putting up with Beyonce and her
nasty digs
581
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,359
and her big pregnant belly staring
me in the face, reminding me what
you both did.
582
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,440
It isn't fun, believe me.
583
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:14,960
I know.
584
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,680
And I'm sorry.
585
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,640
I feel so... ashamed, I suppose.
586
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,800
Yeah, well, get over yourself,
Michael.
587
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:29,999
Cos when that baby arrives, he's
gonna need your help
588
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,920
and you droning on about what a bad
person you are don't do no-one no
favours.
589
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,679
Oh. This is a disaster!
590
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,239
We'll never be ready in time.
591
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,159
Chill, Dad. It'll be fine.
592
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,439
What do you know? You're probably
still drunk from last night!
593
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,159
Carole!
594
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,119
Let's get one thing straight. I'm
honest as the day's long, me.
595
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:15,999
I don't nick from no-one and I never
have.
596
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,399
I resent people thinking the worst
of me cos I always think the best of
them.
597
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,719
Accuse me again and I'll walk out of
here and never look back.
598
00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:25,920
But treat me with respect and I'll
be as loyal as a butcher's dog.
599
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,280
Now, pass me that hoover. You've got
the attachment on wrong.
600
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,160
- I'm so terribly sorry.
- And so you
should be.
601
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:47,880
You look hideous.
602
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,479
Thanks
And you've still got knob
written on your forehead.
603
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,079
It won't come off.
604
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:55,600
Do a comb over.
605
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,519
It's a really difficult situation.
606
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:05,879
And my dad can be so stubborn.
607
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,679
Well, that's men for you!
608
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,399
I don't suppose you'd have a word
with him, would you?
609
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,759
We're not exactly friends at the
moment.
610
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:17,039
Stell! Stell! What am I gonna do?
It's Karl!
611
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,639
- Oh, my God! Have he died?
- What?
612
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,719
No, but his flight got cancelled
from Aberdeen.
613
00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,439
He's not coming to the christening!
614
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:27,519
How could a father not come to his
own daughter's christening?
615
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,919
Nadine, calm down. You'll upset the
baby.
616
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,279
I'm as calm as a bloody duck pond!
617
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,200
Right. We'll just have to carry on
without him. Everyone's gone inside, now.
618
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,599
Come on.
619
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,399
♪ And the little bitty babby boy
620
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:48,959
♪ Cried out with a gully lung and
lay
621
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,999
♪ A sorry life for above me lives
622
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:56,160
♪ When the devil saw my dying maid
623
00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,959
♪ Sing out to the one who betook my
soul
624
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:02,479
♪ And cry to the one who betook my
truth
625
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,039
♪ My money over the brook I'll row
626
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,520
♪ And chase out the devil with a
drum-like roll
627
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,760
♪ Chase out the devil with a
drum-like roll. ♪
628
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,199
BABY CHORTLES
629
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:19,519
Thank you, Lisa Howells and Idris
for that beautiful christening song.
630
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:23,560
And now it's time to welcome
Genevieve into the family of Christ.
631
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:26,839
Genevieve Brenda...
632
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:30,799
At least someone had the common
decency to name their child after
me.
633
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:32,439
Shh!
634
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:37,599
Genevieve Brenda Aprycot -
with a Y -
635
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,399
I baptise you in the name of the
Father
636
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,480
and of the Son...
637
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,400
...and of the Holy Spirit.
638
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,800
Amen and praise be to all the
angels.
639
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:55,960
Stella?
640
00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:01,319
Oh, it's lush, thanks, Marj.
641
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,279
It's like the one Luke got me, so I
have a matching pair.
642
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,160
Ooh, we got you one like that.
Exactly the same!
643
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:16,279
Tell you what, Stell.
644
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,600
Michael Jackson will be having a
nice cocking bash with that niece of
mine once she's popped.
645
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,639
GIRLS SNIGGER
646
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,400
I doubt it, Rhian.
647
00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:31,279
Course she's annoyed at you!
648
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:34,039
One minute you're all over her,
tempting her with a marinaded rib,
649
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,919
the next minute you leave her
stranded at the barbie, branded a
fool.
650
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,999
I know. I messed up.
651
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,160
Please, Jas, give me her number.
652
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:44,760
I've got a bit of intell for you,
good boy.
653
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,999
- What are you on about?
- See him by
there,
654
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,640
pale-looking fellow in the corner
sipping a Bloody Mary?
655
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,000
Yeah?
656
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,360
You'll never guess what he do do for
- a living.
- Go on.
657
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,760
Oooh!
658
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:12,440
Knock me sideways on a see-saw!
659
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:19,519
Katie!
660
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,599
I haven't been to many christenings,
661
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,559
but that was really weird!
662
00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:25,399
Why aren't you at the party?
663
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,919
I'll pop back there later.
664
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:28,839
I just wanted to see you before I go
to France.
665
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,560
Aw!
666
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,839
- Mum loves it.
- Oh, I know!
667
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:39,079
The only problem is, she insists on
speaking French... The whole time!
668
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,360
Let's just hope you meet some people
your own age, otherwise you'll be
seriously bored.
669
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:52,119
I've had nearly 18 years being an
only child.
670
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:57,039
Just me, on the holidays in France,
Christmas, birthdays, all that.
671
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:01,319
I know we haven't really... So do
you have any idea how massive it is
for me
672
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,440
knowing that in a couple of months
time I'm gonna have a little brother
or sister?
673
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,000
Katie-bear...
674
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:15,440
When I first found out about the
baby, I thought I'd hate the idea of
sharing you.
675
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,279
You're not sharing me with anyone!
676
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:22,359
But that's the thing. I'm looking
forward to it!
677
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,480
In fact, I can't wait to show you
off.
678
00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:31,639
When did you get to be so wise,
Katie Jackson?
679
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:33,640
A chip off the old block, mate!
680
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:41,560
Um...
681
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:44,399
It's a little brother, by the way.
682
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,080
Oh, Dad!
683
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:57,799
I'm gonna come back with you to
the party. I need to see Stella.
684
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,719
Beyonce's there.
685
00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,680
Good.
686
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,319
Well, you can never get enough photo
frames
687
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:20,119
- It's just a token.
- I can see that.
Us local councillors don't get paid,
you know.
688
00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:22,239
I'm hardly rolling in it.
689
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:25,040
Especially since Brenda's Buses have
bitten the dust.
690
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,719
- Christ, how drunk were you?
- Don't
start, OK?
691
00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:34,439
- He was drowning his sorrows.
- Cos of
Lily?
692
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,559
Well, they've been drowned now, alright?
693
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:38,479
Little Al. Cheers, mate.
694
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,039
- What for?
- You know, for looking out
for me and that.
695
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:43,799
For not going on holiday.
696
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,079
I really appreciate that, like.
Right.
697
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,279
Who needs girlfriends, eh?
698
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:50,359
Aw, when we've got each other!
699
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:51,919
Stella.
700
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,319
- He changed his mind.
- Sorry!
701
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,399
Aw. Hello.
702
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,559
Aw, there's lush!
703
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,679
Happy families!
704
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,719
And what about me, Mike? Where do I
fit in, babes?
705
00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:07,040
She don't want no cocking trouble,
- butt, alright?
- No. It's a fair
question.
706
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,039
Well, you're having a baby.
707
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,279
I'm his father.
708
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:18,520
And when he's born, I'm gonna do all
I can to help bring him up.
709
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,079
- Are you?
- Just so you know,
710
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,719
I won't be manipulated by you or buy
into any of your sob stories.
711
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:30,120
My only interest is the welfare of
my son. Is that clear?
712
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,999
- Do you understand?
- Yes,
I understand, OK?Good.
713
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,399
And are you taking any iron tablets?
- Oh, yes!
- I sorted that out for her.
714
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:43,040
- - And folic acid?
- Yes, man!
- You should
still be taking that at seven
- months.
- Don't go on!
715
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,999
Everyone, can I have your attention
for a mo?
716
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:51,319
I've got a few apologies from people
for not being here today.
717
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:55,999
My sister Emma, as you know, is in
- India.
- Pathetic excuse.
718
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,919
- And Zoe's at her dad's.
- Disgusting.
719
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,519
But we're all thrilled
720
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:07,239
to welcome Genevieve Brenda Aprycot
- with a Y - into the family.
721
00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:09,159
Are you taking the piss?
722
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,559
I've got something here to read out.
723
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,679
It's from Karl, it is, who obviously
couldn't be here.
724
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,519
His own daughter's christening.
725
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:19,599
Gonna cost her a fortune in therapy
when she's older.
726
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:21,759
Here we go. Um...
727
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,919
It's a poem.
728
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:28,719
"Genevieve, Genevieve, give me
leave, my Genevieve,
729
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:31,879
"Higher than the light at night
730
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:34,720
"And bigger than a massive jar of
Marmite
731
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,199
"Is my love for you, my little girl
732
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:42,279
"My youngest daughter, cleaner than
a glass of water
733
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,879
"Genevieve, Genevieve..."Genevieve.
734
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:48,919
Give me leave, my Genevieve.
735
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:50,759
My big beast!
736
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,479
You came back!
737
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,199
- You came back!
- Hitch-hiked all the
way, I did!
738
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,240
To be here with my girls.
739
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,600
Karl, I knew you wouldn't let us
down!
740
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,799
All this poetry is making me go a
bit DH Lawrence.
741
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,720
I don't suppose you'd be interested
in some prize marrow, would you?
742
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,040
- Are you alright, Stell?
- Mam!
743
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,479
My, oh, my!
744
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:42,919
That IS a big one!
745
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,679
Yes, indeed!
746
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,000
Took a lot of hard work to get it
that size!
747
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,400
GIGGLING
748
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,319
- Are you feeling fruity, babes?
- What
do you think I am, a lap-dancer?
749
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:02,239
I've walked in the name of the Manic
Street Preachers. You don't stand a
chance, Aunty Brenda!
750
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:05,999
I know what I'm doing, OK?You're
gonna give in every time she asks
for something?
751
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:07,720
Expensive shag, wasn't it, Mike?
752
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,199
Subtitles by Ericsson
753
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:35,160
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