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1
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[EXERCISE SHOW PLAYING
ON TELEVISION]
2
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WOMAN [ON TV]:
Higher, higher, higher.
3
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,141
Very good.
4
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:56,340
Balki, don't do that.
5
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,021
It would help me if the floor
didn't shake before noon.
6
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,621
Boy, you are grumpy in the morning.
7
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,259
I'm grumpy all the time.
8
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:09,424
I just hide it better the rest of the day.
9
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,062
What are you doing?
10
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,871
Buttock pinches.
11
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,746
Don't forget to fold up the couch.
You left it open yesterday.
12
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,142
I can't.
13
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,375
What do you mean, you can't?
It's simple.
14
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:31,711
BALKI:
No, it's not so simple.
15
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,252
They build these things
so children can fold them up.
16
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,823
- No, no, I think...
- Balki, watch and learn.
17
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,520
- Take the little black handle.
- Yes.
18
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,459
- And as you lift, you push in.
- Yes, I know, cousin.
19
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,691
Balki, watch and learn.
20
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,169
Just lift and push.
21
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,676
Lift and push.
22
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:57,877
Lift and push.
23
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,276
[MOUTHS]
And push.
24
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,318
Push and lift.
25
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,679
And lift.
26
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,083
Oh! Oh! Oh!
27
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,382
It's broken.
28
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,752
No, I think it's just a sprain.
29
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,659
No, I mean the sofa is broken.
30
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,494
Why didn't you tell me that?
31
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:24,995
Well, because I was busy
watching and learning.
32
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:27,465
[LARRY GRUNTS]
33
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,974
Oh, poor cousin.
Here, I know how to fix your back.
34
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,736
No, no, Balki. What are you doing?
35
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:35,212
Balki, Balki, no, no, no.
36
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,977
Balki, no, no. Thank you.
37
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:41,781
I don't need any pagan cures.
38
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:49,429
I could've bought a new couch,
but no, I had to buy a used one.
39
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:54,193
Well, I'm the one that sleeps there,
so I buy the new one.
40
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:55,835
Whoa!
41
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,032
What did we lose?
42
00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:09,975
Don't you ever, ever do that again.
43
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,647
What? I was getting my money.
44
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,380
You're kidding me.
You keep your money under a mattress?
45
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:19,048
Well, of course I do. I want it to be safe.
46
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:23,425
Safe? Didn't you ever think
that a thief could break in here...
47
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,533
get tired ransacking the apartment,
lie down to take a nap...
48
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,191
bam, your money's gone.
49
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,936
No, I never thought of that.
50
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:36,571
Well, you should.
Keeping money around attracts burglars.
51
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:40,043
You don't keep your money in a mattress.
You keep your money in a bank.
52
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,574
Why?
53
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,875
Because that
is what responsible people do.
54
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:47,816
If the building was to burn down,
where would your money be?
55
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,981
Step into the 20th century.
56
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,050
But I don't know about banks.
57
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:58,221
What's to know?
Why do I have to explain everything?
58
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,133
Today on our lunch hour,
I'll take you to my bank.
59
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,293
You'll put that money
in a checking account.
60
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,030
But this is my mad money.
61
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,936
- Do you mean my savings too?
- Yes, yes, your savings too.
62
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,339
Everything. Now, get it.
63
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,514
I got it.
64
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,092
You'll never get it.
65
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,758
LARRY: Can we get on with this?
We're on our lunch break.
66
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:39,004
Uh, excuse us.
This is Balki Bartokomous.
67
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,004
Oh, I'm Harrison Harper.
68
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,977
Balki would like to open
a checking account.
69
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,580
I know. Sit, sit.
70
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,918
You've got your
Money Market Manager Account.
71
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,678
A thousand-dollar minimum balance.
72
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,722
Includes check guarantee,
credit card, overdraft protection...
73
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,019
which means you can write checks
up to $5000 over your balance...
74
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,595
- and a free color TV.
- Oh, I like that one.
75
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,891
I think that's a little out of your league.
76
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:09,164
- What is my league?
- Little League.
77
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,173
Our Happy Saver Account.
78
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:17,436
Requires a minimum balance of $2,
and you get a free Freddy the Frog bank.
79
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:18,943
He'll take that one.
80
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,809
Balki, give him your money.
81
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:28,183
Just one moment.
There's a few things I don't understand.
82
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,820
When I put my money here,
what are you going to do with it?
83
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:35,189
The same thing they do with my money.
84
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,627
They loan it out
to other people for interest.
85
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:42,096
They give my money to other people
just because it's interesting?
86
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:46,536
No, no, no. Interest is what people pay
the bank so that they can use your money.
87
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:51,369
Well, if they're using my money,
why don't they pay me?
88
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,973
Well, the bank performs a service.
89
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:58,084
For instance, you could come here
and borrow money yourself.
90
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:02,951
I could come to this bank and borrow
my own money and then pay them interest?
91
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,788
Well, yes. Provided you have good credit.
92
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,029
What that is?
93
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:17,896
Well, credit is proving to the bank that
you don't need to borrow your own money.
94
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,270
Would you like to explain this to him?
95
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,205
Not on your life.
96
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,744
When my money is here,
who is going to be watching it?
97
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,740
Well, Mr. Harper will watch it.
98
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,850
Like a hawk.
99
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:34,288
Well, then I'm going to need
some references from you.
100
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,682
Balki, give him your money.
101
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,592
But how do I get my money
when I want to use it?
102
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:44,458
The bank gives you nice checks
with pretty little pictures.
103
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,499
When you wanna buy something,
sign your name to a check.
104
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,260
That's all there is to it.
105
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:54,204
You mean, when I want to spend money, all
I have to do is sign my name to a check?
106
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,775
Let's get this done
so that we can go back to work.
107
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:02,980
Take good care of it.
108
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,015
We will.
109
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,950
A hundred and twenty-eight dollars?
110
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,458
That's what this ordeal is about?
A hundred and twenty-eight dollars?
111
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,858
- Just take the money, please.
HARPER: Yes. Yes.
112
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,659
If you will just pick out
the style of checks you want...
113
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,769
we can wrap this up
during my lifetime.
114
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:27,536
Rainbows. I love rainbows.
115
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,073
Rainbows it is.
116
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,335
[BALKI GASPS]
117
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,240
Flowers.
118
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,943
Okay, flowers.
119
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,583
Puppies.
120
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,916
Lower.
121
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:47,685
Lower.
122
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,352
Ooh! Ah!
123
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,163
Lower.
124
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,159
Ho, ho, ho!
125
00:08:57,737 --> 00:09:00,297
Balki Claus is coming to town.
126
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,272
And what does he have?
127
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:07,073
An apple for Larry Appleton.
128
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,743
Where do I come up with them?
129
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:16,147
And for you, Susan,
your favorite sugarless gum.
130
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,148
Thank you, Balki.
131
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,486
Balki, this is very nice.
What's the occasion?
132
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:23,892
Is today Mypos Apple and Gum Day?
133
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:28,529
Ask me how I paid for these things.
134
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,932
Balki, how did you pay for these things?
135
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,700
I wrote checks.
136
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:36,971
They came today.
137
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,442
You wrote a check
for an apple and a pack of gum?
138
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:44,448
Of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
139
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:47,451
I also bought you this nice bug light.
140
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,046
Well, I'm touched.
141
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:54,588
Appleton, front and center.
I'm planning a real big poker game tonight.
142
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,764
Oh, uh, thank you, Mr. Twinkacetti, but...
143
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,923
No, I don't play poker.
144
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,191
I wasn't inviting you.
145
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,531
Look, Appleton,
my wife hates for me to gamble.
146
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:08,800
That's why I'm telling her
I'm going to a basketball game with you.
147
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,204
Tonight. Got it?
148
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,210
So if it ever comes up, I was with you.
149
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:16,906
Uh, I can't do that. I can't lie for you.
150
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:22,352
Hey. I'm asking for a favor.
151
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:26,482
Man-to-man.
Men do those things for each other.
152
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:30,426
Some men in the Nixon White House
did those things for each other.
153
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,429
You leave my heroes out of this.
154
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,069
You know,
lying to your wife is really terrible.
155
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,728
News flash, sweet cheeks,
the ERA is dead.
156
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:42,535
You lost. Bow and get out.
157
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,271
Can I be candid?
158
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,707
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
159
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,947
Now, come on, Appleton, huh?
160
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:53,712
It's part of the code
of the male brotherhood.
161
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,583
What is this male brotherhood?
162
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,748
Don't worry. No turnips allowed.
163
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:03,461
It's okay, Balki.
Forget it, Mr. Twinkacetti.
164
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,930
I'll work, I'll take your abuse,
but I won't lie to your wife for you.
165
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,763
I won't forget this.
166
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:13,070
I just remembered. I got a truckload
of bodybuilding equipment downtown.
167
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,505
I want you to pick it up.
Shouldn't take your more than a whole day.
168
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,804
Mr. Twinkacetti.
169
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,776
Cousin Larry has a bad back.
170
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,507
[WHISPERS]
Even better.
171
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,916
Cousin, I'll do this for you.
172
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:31,080
Don't worry. I know the correct way to lift
without putting stress on my back.
173
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,257
Ow!
174
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,326
Cousin, would you please let me fix this?
175
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,828
No, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm fine.
176
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:43,127
I'm, uh, looking for a "Balki Bartokomous."
177
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:47,502
Yeah. That's him over there,
the one who can stand erect.
178
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,840
- I got that furniture you ordered.
BALKI: Oh, wonderful.
179
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,535
My cousin will be so happy.
180
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,547
Yeah, yeah, all I want is $3028.43.
181
00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:01,620
No problem. I have checks.
182
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:14,691
[SINGING "TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING"]
183
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:30,079
Twinkacetti cannot beat me.
184
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:40,288
I just moved 12 tons
of bodybuilding equipment...
185
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,089
by myself.
186
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,790
It was tough.
187
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:51,832
But I'm a better person for it.
188
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,772
You also look shorter.
189
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:06,285
LARRY: That's because every vertebra
in my body is compressed.
190
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,480
Oh, boy.
191
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:14,424
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
192
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,868
Surprise.
193
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,136
I bought you new furniture.
194
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,645
It's a present from me to you.
195
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,845
[LARRY SOBBING]
196
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:56,492
Ohh, I can't believe you did this.
197
00:13:57,070 --> 00:14:00,563
I can't believe you did this.
198
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:05,038
I know. I can hardly believe it myself.
199
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,804
And you're welcome.
200
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:14,148
Balki, let me make something
absolutely clear.
201
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,186
See, my furniture was...
202
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,019
Well... Well, it was my furniture.
203
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:23,653
And this furniture is not.
204
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,157
Oh.
205
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,565
- You don't like it?
- No, it's not that I don't like it.
206
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:35,035
Yes, it is. I don't like it.
207
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:41,139
Well, but you complained
about your broken sofa...
208
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,977
and you don't like your old furniture...
209
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,346
and I just wanted
to give you something.
210
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:53,023
Balki. Balki, you got rid of my things,
my things, my things!
211
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:54,216
I've got it.
212
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,558
No, no, no, you don't got it.
You've got to understand.
213
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,392
Look, look.
214
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:06,169
I'm gonna tell you something about
my upbringing I have never told you.
215
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,104
- You are?
- Yes. See, I come from a big family.
216
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,937
I was one of nine kids.
217
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,578
You told me that.
218
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,544
My parents weren't poor,
but they didn't have a lot of money.
219
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,206
You told me that.
220
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,518
We grew up in a middle-class house...
221
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:23,019
in Madison, Wisconsin...
Look, the new stuff is coming, all right?
222
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,516
Sorry.
223
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,584
The point is, with all those kids,
nothing was ever really yours.
224
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:33,494
If I had a toy,
I had to share it with eight other kids.
225
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,602
So when I moved here,
see, I bought this furniture...
226
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,570
Well, not this furniture,
but my own furniture.
227
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:45,041
It was used, it was a little uncomfortable,
but it was all mine.
228
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,237
And then tonight...
229
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:52,081
I come home and I find that you...
230
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,513
You've taken away my toys.
231
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,459
Oh, how sad.
232
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:05,963
Intellectually, I know, I know,
I'm overly possessive.
233
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,828
Almost neurotic about it.
234
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,401
- You are not.
- I'm not?
235
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,470
Of course not.
236
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,608
Erotic? Don't be ridiculous.
237
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,368
Neurotic, neurotic, neurotic!
238
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:20,604
Okay. Don't get crazy.
239
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,578
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
240
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,242
Where did you get the money
to pay for all this stuff?
241
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,879
Oh, that was no problem.
I just wrote a check.
242
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,416
You wrote a check? For how much?
243
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,794
Three thousand twenty-eight dollars
and forty-three cents.
244
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,192
Three thou...
245
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,892
Good deal, huh?
246
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,098
They even threw in these plastic flowers.
247
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,206
Balki, Balki, Balki.
248
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,767
You only had $128...
249
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,401
less the pack of gum,
apple and bug light.
250
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,047
But the man at the bank said...
251
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:58,548
I can write checks for more money
than I have as long as I...
252
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,016
- No.
- Pay it back someday.
253
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,518
No, no, no. No.
254
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:05,124
That's the Money Market Manager Account.
You have the Happy Saver Account.
255
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:07,351
Don't you understand
anything about banking?
256
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,090
No, I don't understand banking.
257
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,494
In Mypos, money is not that important.
258
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:17,603
Two chickens is a pig, two pigs is a cow,
and two cows is a fortune.
259
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,741
You're the one that made me
go to a bank and got me confused.
260
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,739
Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, sure. Ah! Ooh!
261
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,314
Yeah, blame it on me.
Yes, why didn't I see it before?
262
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,179
Yes, it's all my fault
and I'll burn in hell for it.
263
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,079
Boy, you're taking this hard.
264
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,725
- What's the big deal?
- What's the big deal?
265
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,019
You wrote a check
for $3000 more than you have.
266
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:43,389
You don't wanna go to prison
for this furniture.
267
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,600
You're right. It's my fault.
268
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,236
No, look, look, it's not your fault.
269
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:55,341
I made you get that bank account and I
didn't take the time to explain the basics.
270
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,170
It's not a big deal.
271
00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,177
They'll take this furniture back
and we'll get back my stuff.
272
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,440
- What did you do with it?
- That's no problem.
273
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:05,551
I sold it to Mr. Twinkacetti.
274
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,679
You sold it to Twinkacetti?
275
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:14,623
You sold my chair, my sofa,
my coffee table, my lamp?
276
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:18,697
My rug? You sold my lucky rug?
277
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,696
Is this neurotic?
278
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,598
Yes. Yes, and so is this.
279
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,414
That's my lamp.
280
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,578
We better hustle our buttocks.
281
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,381
Those pinches paid off.
282
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,891
Good morning, turnips.
Boy, am I a lucky guy.
283
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,291
Last night,
I won $600 in the poker game.
284
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,898
And this junk will be gone before lunch.
285
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:56,729
I'm gonna buy back my furniture
for what you paid Balki for it.
286
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:59,167
Come on, Appleton.
287
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:03,002
You think I could sell this elegant decor
for a measly 75 bucks?
288
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,609
Seventy-five bucks?
289
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,246
You sold my furniture for 75 bucks?
290
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:11,077
Well, it made sense
when Mr. Twinkacetti explained it.
291
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:12,582
I'll bet it did.
292
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,914
You can't do this to me. It's not fair.
293
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:16,788
You're right.
294
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:20,358
I shouldn't take advantage of a fellow
member of the male brotherhood.
295
00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:25,328
But then, as I recall,
this male member is a code violator...
296
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,933
and I owe him nothing.
297
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:32,265
Zip, as in the big O.
298
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,903
My God, my wife.
299
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:38,076
Edwina, my pet.
300
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,179
What a cherished moment.
301
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:43,180
Boys, my beloved wife.
302
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,476
Hello, Mrs. Twinkacetti.
303
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,676
Oh, nice to see you, Larry.
304
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:49,378
And this must be Balki.
305
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,486
I have heard so much about you.
306
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:59,325
Well, I have heard so much about you too
and I don't believe half of it.
307
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,433
We kid around. Ha-ha-ha!
308
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,301
Did you enjoy going
to the basketball game with my husband?
309
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:12,036
- Basketball?
- Loved it. Loved it.
310
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,771
Remember, turnip? Bouncy, bouncy.
311
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,542
Why don't we step into the office?
I got fresh coffee.
312
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,686
Balki, don't you see what happened?
313
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:23,687
Mr. Twinkacetti told his wife
he was with you last night.
314
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,415
Ohh.
315
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,626
Oh, boy.
316
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,594
Friend, member of the male brotherhood.
317
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,533
Oh, so now I'm a member.
318
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,798
Are you kidding? You're a lieutenant.
319
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:40,162
How much do you like me?
320
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:42,501
Like you? I'd give you a kidney.
321
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,671
You'll cover for me, won't you?
322
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:49,307
Do you mind if I call you turnip?
323
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,719
- Please.
- Balki, Balki.
324
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,683
Watch and learn.
325
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:59,288
I'll give you $65 for
this furniture, turnip.
326
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:03,961
Two hundred. One seventy-five.
327
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,698
One hundred, and some glass beads.
Good deal, huh?
328
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,097
One dollar.
329
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,704
EDWINA: Donald?
- Sold.
330
00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:17,137
Donald, the strangest thing.
331
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:21,035
I found $600 in your office...
332
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,149
hidden behind your photo
of Gordon Liddy.
333
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,049
You should keep your money in a bank.
334
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,716
I feel terrible. I was thinking...
335
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:35,658
I was thinking that you probably didn't
go to a basketball game last night.
336
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:37,797
You know, for one crazy moment...
337
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,764
I suspected you of playing poker
with your sleazy friends.
338
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,194
[BOTH LAUGHING]
339
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:48,040
But I know that couldn't be true...
340
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:51,769
because our marriage
is based on mutual trust.
341
00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:54,709
And if you ever violate that trust...
342
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,078
I'll break your chubby little legs.
343
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:04,416
We kid around.
344
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:06,923
Donnie, I want you
to watch me spend your money.
345
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:08,822
- Oh, no.
- Goodbye, boys.
346
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,895
Bye-bye, now.
347
00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:14,399
You did good.
348
00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:17,731
Thank you. I have a dark side.
349
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:23,338
Help me get this furniture upstairs.
350
00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:26,377
And tonight, I'll teach you
how to balance your checkbook.
351
00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:30,676
Okay. And then I teach you
how to balance a broom on your nose.
352
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,580
Right. Right.
353
00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:35,921
Oh! Ah! Ooh!
354
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:37,784
Cousin, your back is still hurting.
355
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,791
I think it's time
I took your back by the horns.
356
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,588
Oh, Balki.
357
00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:48,362
Balki. My back. It doesn't hurt.
358
00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:51,163
Of course not. Balki fixed it.
359
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,135
- That's incredible.
- Yes.
360
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,501
Of course,
sometimes there are side effects.
361
00:22:55,674 --> 00:22:59,543
Balki, I can't move my arms.
362
00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:04,078
- That's one of them.
- Now what?
363
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,151
Well, for that, you gotta go to a doctor.
364
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,250
Come on, put them up.
365
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,258
[ENGLISH SDH]
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