Original subtitles

(Roger speaking Anishinaabemowin)

- Jo: How are you feeling? - (Roger continuing)

This is the first time that we're going to be together,

you know, in front of my family.

I feel great.

No, that's no good! You should be very nervous.

Why? I'm going to win your family over

by showing them that they can live a healthy life

and have fun doing it at the same time.

Okay. Let's just go inside.

But can you please try and not be so...

...Logan-y

Okay.

Roger: ...greeted by delegation.

And Roger!

Thanks for filling in while my radio is getting fixed.

No problem!

Anyway, where was I?

♪ 'Cause I can love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

Hi, Ma!

Hi.

I hope you're hungry.

I sure am! Here, I made this.

I wasn't sure what riboflavin options you'd be serving,

so I brought a quinoa and a tofu medley.

Quinoa! I didn't know that he spoke the language, Jo.

He doesn't.

The fibre in quinoa results in healthy bowel movements.

Oh, Logan!

Let's movement into the next room.

You can put the quinoa with the meatballs with bacon,

the moose balls with bacon, and the bacon balls with--

Let me guess. Bacon?

Oink-oink!

Great! We're the last ones here!

Stephen Harper, you should have told me to shower sooner!

Sorry, Paul. I was busy making all this food you're bringing.

(birds chirping)

So, you're going to ask your ma

if we can move into the lodge, right?

Yep. Dean barely runs it now that he's at Yeah Man's.

What else is she going to do with this place?

It would be real nice to get out of that tiny-ass attachment.

We should have a plan in case she says no.

How is she going to say no to her baby,

who is about to have a little baby?

She better say yes, so suffocating in there

with her always around.

That's the part I'm gonna miss.

Paul, she snuck in at 3 AM last night

to clip your toenails.

Yeah, that's because I squirm when I'm awake!

Let's say it doesn't happen. Maybe move in with me.

Stephen Harper!

I would never move into that perv house.

How dare you even put that energy in the air?!

Well, his place does have a lot of space.

Okay, then. Let's move into your ex-boyfriend's place.

Right after he donated his sperm to us so we can have a baby!

Okay, well, when you put it that way, it does sound kind of--

- Beautiful? - Stephen Harper,

don't jinx this!

♪

- Hi, my boy! - Aww.

Hi!

Oh, and my baby!

My baby's baby.

Aww.

What's wrong, Paul?

It's just...that was our thing.

(Scoffing)

There you are.

Heh. Hey. Agnes wanted me to give you these.

For the blessing of the food, bro.

Excuse you!

And I'm too young to be an elder.

Take Roger here.

Look how young he looks.

Miigwech, Logan.

And he's not. He's old.

(Groaning)

Yo, Rose.

Oh, hey, Chickadee.

Is it cool if we talk?

Okay.

It's just that we never talk.

I guess you're kind of like, my auntie.

(Gasping)

Aww!

I never thought of myself as an auntie!

Okay, hold on. Let me adjust.

Okay.

What's up?

So, you know that ASMR chick from the Chiefs Conference?

The Whispering Blueberry?

Yeah. Well, I guess,

- I've been thinking of her. - Why?

'Cause she's a stupid Buttern

and all Butterns should fuck off?

Not exactly.

Rose: Oh. I see.

So... Get ready for this.

I guess I kind of...

...like her?

Right on.

No, I mean, like, romantically or whatever.

Oh...

Aww, that's so adorable.

No, it's not supposed to be adorable.

It's supposed to be badass.

I'm a badass.

Oh, mothers, lock up your daughters!

Somebody call the Coast Guard! We need back up.

That's so fake.

(panting)

- B'eb! I found a chocolate. - And?

And it didn't have a wrapper.

I tried to stop him.

Remember what we said about eating food

that doesn't have a wrapper?

It's too late. I ate it already.

Sorry, Chickadee.

I got to go make sure your uncle doesn't die.

(sighing)

I'm pretty sure you're eating rat poop.

Agnes: Okay, we're going to get started now.

I'll help.

Where are you going to sit, best mom in the whole world?

Ma, look! I saved you the best chair in the house.

Ah-ah, too close, Doctor Dumbass!

Go sit over there. I don't want to smell your tofu farts.

Actually, tofu is good for your cholesterol.

The fuck did you just say?

- Hey! - Enough.

Paul: But Ma!

Logan said a bad word.

What the hell is on your mind?

What? Nothing. Just some insider trading.

Well, that must be everything.

Uh, I... I think you forgot the medley.

Hold on, I just wanted to say--

We've got an announcement to make!

Agnes: Okay! One sec.

I just want to say that I'm grateful to have everybody here.

We're grateful too!

- I also would like to-- - Agnes: Okay.

I just want to say it's great that we're all here.

Especially elder Roger.

Oh, man, that's got a nice ring to it, bro!

We've had this lodge in our family for over 15 years.

Paul and Dean have done a job taking care of it.

Don't you mean a good job?

But I'm selling the lodge.

Oh, Lord! Paul! Are you okay?

Well, guess what?

Me, Paul, and the baby are moving into Stephen Harper's.

- What?! - I'm so happy I could faint!

Chickadee, what were you going to say?

Nothing.

♪

e you are! I'm so sorry!

(grunting)

Is it true? Are you moving to Stephen Harper's?

She was just mad. Don't let it ruin your supper.

You cooked so many balls!

You're going to be so far away,

I'm going to be so alone.

Ma, Stephen Harper just lives down the road!

- They explode! - Ma!

Don't say that.

Who is going to cut your toenails?

(inhaling sharply)

They're going to get long like eagle claws.

Making clickety-clack, clickety-clack.

I'm just going to take my meatballs and go.

Ma, Rose didn't mean any of that.

You can sell the lodge, we can live together

just like you wanted.

(laughing)

Oh, my boy, I'm so happy!

And you know that door you bought me for my own place?

Well, guess what? No more locks!

Even better! No more hinges.

We're going to take that door right off.

(laughing)

How could I not know I was an elder?

Well, it's because you're old,

and old people forget shit.

All the signs were there, but I just ignored them.

My sore joints, my inability to take selfies.

And when you said, "Roger, you're an elder,"

it was all there!

Bro, just look on the bright side.

At feasts, you get to eat first.

And when you give advice,

everyone has to listen.

I've always dreamt of that.

Yeah, man. And it's like being on the radio,

but all the time.

♪

Good news. I found the medley.

Oh, for fuck's sakes.

Yeah, it was tucked behind the toaster oven,

and then covered up with some hand towels.

- Can you believe that? - Get over here!

This is Health Week all over again.

What do you mean?

You're making a fool of yourself!

Cholesterol...

(in a high-pitched voice) Riboflavin!

(in a deep voice) Colons.

This is a feast!

Them's fighting words.

(stammering)

I'm just...

I'm a nurse, it's hard to turn me off.

Well, you're doing a good job turning me off right now.

Ouch.

Do me a favour. Don't refuse any of the food.

You eat everything that's put out on the table.

- In moderation, right? - Hell no!

In fact, the more you eat,

the more this family is going to like you.

Well, that's an unhealthy attitude.

It's one meal.

And please,

don't give people any health advice whatsoever.

Okay.

Fine.

I promise.

(sighing)

Thank you.

(lighter clicking)

Logan: Oh, God...

Jo: Logan, don't do it.

Oh, but...

Out! Butt out!

It's not nice to stare, Logan!

Logan: That's so gross.

(clinking noises on phone)

Oh, Chickadee.

I'm suddenly feeling a little tired.

That's okay. I'll leave.

I remember when I was your age.

Yeah, like 90 years ago.

Okay, relax, young one.

That teenage energy is hard to control. I get it.

You want to be heard, but nobody listens.

Yeah, actually.

You know, Chickadee, I learned something today.

That it's easier to just get up and speak your truth

than it is to try and bury it.

Wow.

That shit was actually kind of wise.

(wind rustling)

Sorry.

It's kind of breezy in here.

(snoring)

Are you trying to avoid me?

No! (laughing nervously)

I was just, um, uh...

I love you.

So, you told your Ma we're still moving out?

Mmm-hmm.

And she's okay with it?

Yeah.

You didn't tell her that we're staying?

Nah.

I'm so proud of you, sticking up for your b'eb

in front of your mom.

(groaning)

Where am I? What happened?

Take it easy, Stephen Harper. Go-- go slow.

I had a dream that Rose said that you and Paul

were going to move into my house with the baby

so we could all live together.

That wasn't a dream, bro.

Yeah, my man Paul made it happen.

Oh! I'm so excited I could faint!

I'm so proud of you.

The feast is back on.

Thank the Creator! I'm starving.

Feels so good that we worked everything out.

Nice work, Paul.

I'm so proud of you, communicating openly like that.

Yes, yes, yes.

Uh, let's eat!

Why, I'd love to.

I will bless the food dish by dish.

Mashed potatoes and gravy, you are blessed.

Stuffing, double-salted salt pork, and poogitty beans,

blessed, blessed, blessed.

Caribou stew and Bannock,

you are very blessed.

All right, come on, man. Let's eat.

Quinoa and tofu, we'll hold off on that.

- (sighing) - Lastly, me.

I want to bless myself.

Thank you, Creator, for allowing me--

Just hurry up, bro!

Miigwetch, Elder Roger.

- Everyone, dig in. Weesinin! - All right!

That's a little too much.

Shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Ah, okay.

What's the matter, riboflavin?

Nothing. Everything is great.

I'm ready to eat my face off.

Paul: Okay there, Nurse Nervous.

We should get you a bib for all the food you're about to eat.

And our guest of honour, Logan.

Logan: Wonderful.

Come on, now. Eat some.

- Mmm. - Jo, he's probably full!

He probably had an apple yesterday.

Is there gravy on these?

- Agnes: There is now. - Oh...

Jo: Do it.

I'd like to say something.

What now, Chickadee?

Did you fail out of summer school?

No.

I just...

I just wanted to say...

I like girls.

And boys.

- Okay, cool. - That's it?

(gagging)

Paul: Was that tofu?!

(groaning)

I thought it was the stuffing!

Oh! You're enjoying my medley!

Mama, I don't feel so good!

- (groaning) - My boy!

Oh, drink some gravy!

Hey, you did good, kid.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah, but nobody cares.

Paul, see, this is why you need all of us

living in the same house.

Paul? What is she talking about?

(chuckling)

You know how old people get.

Paul? What is she talking about?

(chuckling)

You know how pregnant people get.

Well, I'm not sure what Paul told you,

but we're moving to Stephen Harper's.

Well, I'm don't know what Paul told you,

but I'm selling the lodge and you're staying with me.

Why don't we just ask Paul?

He fucking greased us!

-(engine cranking) - Dean: He's over there!

God damnit!

Dean, what the fuck are you doing?!

Sorry, bro, they paid me off in meatballs.

- You lied to your Mama. - And your baby mama.

And you lied even to ninoosihs.

I was just trying to make everyone happy!

Yeah, well, now everyone's mad, bro. Way to go!

Shut up! At least I don't sleep around with buckets!

What? Don't you talk about Bucket Head like that!

Well, if you love me, we'll move into Stephen Harper's.

If you love me, you'll stay in the attachment.

And if you love me,

you'll take back that comment you made about Bucket Head.

I have to choose between my Mama and my baby mama.

We need more space.

I need to be close.

Say sorry, bro.

Just no business! Your bucket, it's stupid!

It's stupid, eh? Yeah?

What...

If she's so stupid, then why did she just suggest

that everyone moves in the lodge together.

Well, that's stupid because...

...the lodge, it's so big...

and... and comfortable!

And has just enough space for everybody. Duh!

No, shut up, Paul.

But Agnes, you want to sell it.

Yeah! Did you think about that, Bucket Head?!

Wait, it's perfect!

I keep the lodge, and we all move in!

Yeah!

Paul?

So, in this scenario... I'm still good?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Then do you know what?

I owe someone an apology.

Aww.

Mm-hmm.

Put 'er there, Bucket Head.

Jo: Okay, just one more.

Here we go! Ah!

(groaning)

You did it! (gasping)

My big hungry man. (chuckling)

(groaning)

- I love you. - Aww.

What's up, Roger?

It's Elder Roger.

And I think the ham isn't the only thing that was glazed over.

What nonsense is coming out your mouth?

She told you something important,

and you need to validate it.

Damn it. Thanks, Roger.

I mean, Elder Roger.

Keep an eye on Cold Hand Logan here for me.

Sweetie bird.

I just wanted to say

that I am proud.

Like, gay proud.

Really?

Yeah!

That was so brave of you,

to say what you did like that.

In front of our whole family like that.

Didn't seem like it.

(sighing)

I just never reacted because...

I always trust your decisions.

Except when you're reversing toilets

or making up fake lottery tickets.

(laughing)

Thanks, Ma.

You know, I like to think of myself as an open-minded,

accepting kind of person.

Like a dope Mom.

Well, that's good, because she's a Buttern,

and I know you hate the Butterns, so...

What?

No daughter of mine will get mixed up with a Buttern!

I don't care what you say!

I like her.

Great news, everyone.

We're all moving into the lodge together.

Oh.

Wait.

Who ate all the meatballs?

Jo: It was Logan!

Impressive, huh?

No, it's cool. No, no.

No, no, I'm not going to...

No, b'eb, it's fine.

You fucking bastard!

(all shouting)

♪

Goodnight, Paul.

Fuck off, Stephen Harper!

Goodnight, Rose.

Mmm.

And goodnight, Paul Junior.

(baby cooing)

I love you guys.

Both: We love you too, Stephen Harper.

(voices distorting)

Stephen Harper, get up! The feast is over.

Oh, my Mom announced that everyone gets to move

into the lodge, except for you.

I want to go back!

♪ She's been your shelter from the storm ♪

♪ She's even there when you're all alone ♪

♪ She's the one you run to when it rains ♪

♪ And you build your dreams on that stone ♪

♪

♪ She's been that rock... ♪