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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,003
We could tear up this town
2
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:07,739
Troy: Of all the players here,
we know you're our man.
3
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,008
You are excellent at poker,
Tucker. We know that.
4
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,077
I mean, you're 83rd
in the world, that's no slouch.
5
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,645
Gary: Mnh-mnh.
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,580
But you ain't gonna win
the King of Clubs without us.
7
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:19,017
Now, you boys are talking
about my immortal soul.
8
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:21,153
That's the biggest chip
I got, son.
9
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:24,022
And you want me
to go all-in.
10
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:25,490
Yes.
11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:29,395
[ Indistinct conversations ]
12
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,201
I'm sorry, boys,
but...
13
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:39,004
I'm gonna have to
Pasadena.
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:42,074
We agreed to this!
I bought a burger for you!
15
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,609
You know what? Maybe you're just
gonna have to sweeten
16
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,078
the deal
a little bit for me.
17
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:47,612
All right, all right.
18
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:49,514
How sweet
we talking here?
19
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:53,518
I want my own island,
Scarlett Johansson,
20
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,921
the power of invisibility,
21
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,923
and the poker championship,
of course.
22
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,025
How 'bout I throw
in some of them
23
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,027
Wolverine finger blades!
24
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,228
Oh!
No!
25
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,030
I'm sorry for this man,
okay.
26
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,465
So we're gonna go calm down
over there.
27
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,699
We're gonna come back.
28
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,234
I ordered some
sweet potato fries.
29
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,635
Thank you.
30
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:12,971
First of all, Troy,
it's adamantium bone claws.
31
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,407
And, second of all,
is Satan running a Project X?
32
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,543
No.
You tell me now, because
if I have the mutichin,
33
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,078
I think I could be
some sort of Balloon Man --
34
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,614
Will you shut up, Gary!
I'm not giving him an island.
35
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,116
I'm not giving him
Scarlett Johansson.
36
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,052
Well, maybe we could get him
a hammock and Renee Zellweger.
37
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,053
He's bluffing.
38
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,921
That's why they call him
"Lip Licker."
39
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:31,657
That's his tell.
40
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,227
Ahem.
41
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,562
The deal is null and void.
Thank you for your time.
42
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,064
Good luck to you, sir.
Whoa!
43
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,100
44
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,935
Whoa, man!
45
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:45,437
I don't even know
how you sit down
46
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:46,671
with them
big brass balls of yours.
47
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,006
I told you he'd fold.
48
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,575
I mean,
the guy licks his lips.
49
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,110
He's a lip licker!
Licking his lips.
50
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,846
Oh, hey. Hey, why don't we go
and we take his soul,
51
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,248
and we bring it to Satan
right now,
52
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,517
like on a platter,
like a Christmas pig.
53
00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,751
We can't do that,
Gary.
54
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,086
We got to wait for the guy
to die first.
55
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,088
You don't take souls
from living people.
56
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,990
Christmas pig.
But don't worry about it.
57
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:08,426
Once the guy dies, you'll have
all eternity to screw with him.
58
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,694
Let's celebrate.
59
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,363
You know what--
Beer me up, scoochay!
60
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,664
No, I can't do
any of that stuff.
61
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,166
I'm actually gonna
call my sponsor now.
62
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:17,035
I'm getting -- you know, Vegas
is not a great place for me.
63
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,637
Whoosh.
64
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,605
What's that,
'cause I'm whipped?
65
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,040
I'm sponsor-whipped?
66
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,642
I'm an alcoholic, Gary.
67
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,011
I should not be in a place
with alcohol.
68
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,113
It doesn't mean I'm whipped.
I have a disease.
69
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,614
Whoo!
70
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,149
All right, fine,
you want to go out?
71
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:32,317
Let's go have some fun.
72
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,119
I will have one club soda
73
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,122
while you make a profound
jackass out of yourself.
74
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,456
You're gonna love
watching me drink.
75
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:39,457
Yeah.
Ha ha.
76
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:48,633
77
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:58,043
78
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:07,219
79
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,721
Oh.
80
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:10,989
Hey, it's 11:30.
81
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,557
What times does
the poker thing start?
82
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,092
You got the contract?
83
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,094
What -- What do you mean?
I thought that you had it.
84
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,662
Oh, where the...
85
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,932
Okay, I got it right here.
I got it right here.
86
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,434
Oh, good, we got two --
we're covered.
87
00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:23,602
What do you mean
we got two?
88
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,337
Why do we have two?
89
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,539
Gary, who the hell is
Gail Dougan?
90
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:29,608
Uh...
[ Knock on door ]
91
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,942
Who is it?
92
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:34,546
It's Carl and Gail Dougan --
from last night!
93
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:39,684
I can make you the best
poker player in the world.
94
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,453
Yeah.
Yeah, I did it for a guy.
95
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,854
I did it for a guy.
96
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,089
That would be great!
97
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,590
What do we do?
What do I have to do?
98
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,792
I'll do anything.
Sign on the dotted line.
99
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:49,194
It's that easy.
Okay.
100
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,196
Who else wants to be
a poker player?
101
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,897
I can't believe you gave them
the same deal.
102
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,899
Two people can't win
the same poker tournament.
103
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,901
Listen, you're making
a big deal out of this, okay?
104
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:58,703
We can just tear up
the contract.
105
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,038
Uh, hold on here,
fellas.
106
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,706
Gail already
gave you her soul.
107
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:02,707
No, no, no,
we're not idiots.
108
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,042
We know not to take the soul
109
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,178
from a living person,
right, Gary?
110
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,581
Okay, now,
here's the thing.
111
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,149
According to this, what
I'm really gonna need from you
112
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,884
is I'm gonna need
your soul as a deposit.
113
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,486
That's good enough for me.
Okay, well.
114
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,721
Let me just do the incantation
and we'll be ready to go.
115
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:17,889
Okay.
116
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:24,396
[ Speaking incantation ]
117
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,666
[ Screams ]
118
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:31,436
Oh, no!
I've made a horrible mistake!
119
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:34,106
It's hot!
It's hot!
120
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,814
She's gonna be --
she's gonna be okay.
121
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,416
You just get her some
orange juice and cookies.
122
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,184
You want to go up to the room,
maybe lay down?
123
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,019
You know what you need
is a shot,
124
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,654
just a little
to power through it,
125
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:52,190
and then get some
hair of the dogs.
126
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,159
Ruff ruff ruff!
127
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,293
What did I tell you?!
128
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:57,595
We don't take the souls
from living people!
129
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,030
You were wasted.
130
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,965
Okay, it was a YOLO
kind of night.
131
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:06,104
Listen, if you guys want to
just undo this whole thing,
132
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,140
I wouldn't be opposed, okay,
because, honestly,
133
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,944
Gail has been
real moody, bitey.
134
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,013
That's normal for
someone who's hung over.
135
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,115
The light hasn't left
her eyes...
136
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,983
at all.
137
00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:20,852
[ Telephone rings ]
Soul peeling.
138
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,288
It's Troy.
We sent you somebody last night.
139
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,190
Her name is Gail,
she's got blonde hair,
140
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,158
I don't know, like, 5'2"
or something.
141
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,626
She's probably
screaming a lot.
142
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,128
Yeah,
I think I got her.
143
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,996
[ Screaming ]
144
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,631
She's already peeled,
though.
145
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,900
Well, unpeel her.
What do you mean peeled?
146
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,302
You can have the jacket
I made out of her.
147
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,703
You made a jacket
out of her?
148
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:39,971
Jacket?
You know what?
149
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,306
I've got a few
extra pieces here.
150
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,641
I could maybe sew her
into a scarf.
151
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,177
Forget it, Dumb-dumb.
152
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,246
Where did I
put your rectum?
153
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,048
154
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,150
I've got good news for you
and bad news.
155
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,519
Now, the bad news is you're not
gonna win the tournament.
156
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:57,856
But the good news is you're
gonna get to keep your soul.
157
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,357
Turns out we're full up.
158
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,092
Yeah, there's no room
at the inn.
159
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,328
So, you know, we'll just rip
this little contract up
160
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,397
and you can be free
and on your way.
161
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:06,531
Nah.
162
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:07,665
Sorry, fellas.
163
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,368
I'm standing pat.
164
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,237
He's not
licking his lips.
165
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:14,339
I don't think that
he's bluffing.
166
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,008
What if I gave you that island
you wanted
167
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,877
and Scarlett Johansson...
168
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,678
and the power
of invisibility?
169
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:23,248
Like we made
Scarlett Johansson.
170
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,349
Scarlett?
171
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,684
Scarlett, put those
free nuts down.
172
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,019
Come on over.
173
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,188
Whoa, Scarlett,
what are you doing --
174
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,690
taking your shirt off
in a restaurant?
175
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:36,628
Wowie, wowie, wow!
176
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,696
Pleasure meet ya,
Miss Johansson.
177
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,799
Scar-Jo.
Yeah.
178
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:44,769
Uh, I'm very happy
you're gonna be my wife.
179
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,272
[ High-pitched ] No, I'm sorry,
mister, your hands are wet, no.
180
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,108
No, I...
181
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,076
God dang it!
There's nobody there!
182
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:53,745
Am I licking my lips?
Do I have a tell?
183
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:55,213
I'm starting to think
184
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,815
you guys can't even deliver
on the tournament.
185
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,316
You're absolutely right.
186
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,984
Because we're incompetent.
We're stupid.
187
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,719
If I were you, I wouldn't even
be in business with us,
188
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,722
so just come on back over here,
we'll rip this contract up,
189
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,257
and then
we'll call it a day.
190
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,626
Honey, you're starting
to scare me.
191
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:11,095
[ Overlapping voices ]
I just want to feel something.
192
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,398
Could I get another
Bloody Mary over here, please?
193
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,566
Double vodka.
194
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,434
Maybe you need to ease off
on those, Troy.
195
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:19,904
You can't tell him what he can
or cannot or how much to drink.
196
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,906
Who is this bozo,
Troy?
197
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,441
I'm not
supposed to say.
198
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,943
I'm his sponsor.
Ah.
199
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,344
What are you doing here,
Gerald?
200
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:29,414
I'm here to win
the poker tournament, Troy.
201
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,182
Remember?
202
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:34,252
No.
203
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,922
[ Crying ]
I know
it's been tough for you
204
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,959
since you died and went to hell,
but...
205
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,261
remember, take things
one day at a time.
206
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,530
I just can't
control myself!
207
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:51,503
That's the first step,
admitting you have a problem.
208
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:56,007
Me, I got two problems --
alcohol and gambling.
209
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,010
You're a terrible sponsor,
Gerald.
210
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,946
Vegas, baby!
[ Laughs ]
211
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,882
Kind of funny.
212
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,451
What are we
gonna do now?
213
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:10,555
I have a terrible idea, and
I'm not gonna execute it well.
214
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:16,194
Whit: Welcome back to Las Vegas,
Nevada, and the 19th annual
215
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,796
King of Clubs poker
championship.
216
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,231
And, Jimmy,
then there were three.
217
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,666
Jimmy: Well, choose your
dark horse, Whit.
218
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:25,069
We've got two unranked amateurs
and Lip Licker Roney.
219
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,371
A capable player,
certainly,
220
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,206
but no one's choice
to win this thing.
221
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,941
No way.
222
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,346
Is this, honestly, the best
dealer they could get?
223
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:37,715
This dude is dealing like
a blind man with boxing gloves.
224
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:38,816
What's up?
225
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,184
Let's see how
he handles this.
226
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:42,153
I don't have a good feeling
about it.
227
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,756
Ah. Burning the nine.
Burning the nine.
228
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,658
Go, Gail!
229
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,659
[ Shrieks ]
230
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,694
Ugh.
231
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,830
[ Snarling ]
232
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,366
Whit:
Am I seeing this right?
233
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:57,769
Each player
has two aces...
234
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,837
and there's three aces
on the flop.
235
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,406
There's something
very wrong here.
236
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,775
There's another ace
on the turn.
237
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,043
How many aces
are in this deck?
238
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,678
Go all in.
239
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,180
You ain't supposed to tell us
when to bet.
240
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,215
Go all in now.
You're going all in.
241
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:14,519
Going all in. Everyone
unanimously goes all in.
242
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,454
Oh, my God, it's a tie.
What kind of game is this?
243
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,389
This is incredible.
This is historic.
244
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:19,791
Everybody wins!
245
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,960
Everybody -- no!
Troy?
246
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,361
Troy,
cause a distraction!
247
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,097
Troy, whip your dick out!
Troy!
248
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,870
Ohh.
249
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,872
It's my secret stash.
250
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,374
[ Chuckles ]
251
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,410
This is kind of funny,
if you think about it.
252
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,312
You think you can
come into this casino,
253
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,614
and you can
cheat at cards?
254
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,983
This casino is still proudly
Mob-owned.
255
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,084
Blow me, Geppetto.
256
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,285
You can't [bleep] with me.
257
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,387
I'm Satan's
right-hand man.
258
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,589
Oh,
so you're a righty then.
259
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,626
Oh. Oh!
260
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:55,960
Oh, shit!
261
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:58,129
Oh!
Oh, no!
262
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,565
Wait a second.
263
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,401
Do both.
It doesn't hurt to be safe.
264
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,235
Oh!
265
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,070
My beautiful hands!
266
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,906
Oh, I'll never play
the banjo again!
267
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,643
Oh! Oh!
268
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:14,112
Wait until Satan hears
about this.
269
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,314
He's gonna get you!
270
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,317
Shit!
271
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:25,289
272
00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,357
Troy!
273
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,092
Were you in there
the whole time?
274
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,927
Yeah, I was under a bunch
of other coins.
275
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,329
I couldn't see anything.
276
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,264
You know, these damn machines
don't pay off for shit.
277
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,600
Oh, man.
I spent some time in a urinal,
278
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,602
and then a hobo
pissed all over me.
279
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,604
And then he fished me out,
didn't even wash me off.
280
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,607
He just put me in a machine,
and I still smell it.
281
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,942
Kenny Loggins was here
about a month ago.
282
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,611
Oh.
I heard him sing.
283
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,513
Peggy, come on.
What, are you nuts?
284
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:49,547
Just...
285
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,115
Oh, stop, stop, stop!
286
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,383
Oh, I'm getting dizzy.
287
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:55,620
[ Retching ]
288
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,690
Please don't
give me to a baby.
289
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,191
I can't do that again.
290
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,193
No, no, no, no, no!
No, no!
291
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:06,197
No, no, no!
292
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:09,801
No! No. No!
293
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,336
I hate Vegas!
20768
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