All language subtitles for SYRUP 2013 - 720p BrRip x264 - YIFY

"Marketing 101

if you live in any major city,

you see 800 ads a day.

In most of them, models are
going to be looking at you

- like they want to fuck you.

You're so used to this that you
don't even notice it anymore,

but your body does.

Your heart rate increases,

your pupils dilate,
you breathe faster...

you become more alert.

You've been tapped.

Looking at a billboard
is supposed to feel

like love at first sight.

But it's not real.
It's just marketing.

And without that,

you wouldn't even know
who you are.

You see, the first thing
you learn in business school

is that you need to market yourself
before the ads do it for you.

Which is why they teach you
to pick a new name...

brand yourself
and become the product

- that you're trying to sell.
- Your name's Scat?

Yeah, my name's Scat.

A name he chose
because it was closely associated

- with jazz, beat poetry and...
- Animal shit.

N... like jazz.
It's a type of music.

You've had 16 sexual partners?

- Okay...
- Yeah.

Provided your blood test
comes back negative,

that'll be $54.

Fifty... don't you think my sperm's
worth a little more than that?

Because you've had
16 sexual partners,

there's already a 90% risk...

But I put on my form
that I don't have an STI.

You could have
written anything.

Ma'am, what am I supposed
to do with $54?

I can't pay my rent with $54.

Do you know how hard it is for me

to just give away my future spawn
for 54 bucks?

- How do you think they'd feel?
- Shh.

Cool name.

This is Scat's roommate Sneaky Pete.

He broke his jaw sophomore year
after a motorcycle accident,

and had it wired shut.
He couldn't speak for three months.

The accident just so happened
to coincide with "Marketing 304:

Persona Creation," where Sneaky Pete
received the only perfect score.

He hasn't said a word since.

You're a perfect candidate, Mr. Pete.

This is wonderful.
Provided your blood test...

Pete visited the health clinic
18 times his freshman year,

and it wasn't because he had the flu.

That will be $270.

But the truth doesn't matter,

because perception is reality.

...saving it for marriage.

It's all just...

marketing.

$54 a week?

Your sister makes more
at her lemonade stand.

Mom, it's just temporary.
Competition's stiff in this climate.

- You're settling.
- I'll get...

You used to be so innovative.

Remember when you won
the science fair, Michael?

Mom, my name is Scat now.

This form is now...

Recapping the stories...

Introducing the Tiddy Bear.

That's T-I-D-D-Y Bear.

The cute little guy
that eliminates all those

irritating shoulder-strap problems.

Designed to make
driving more comfortable,

the Tiddy Bear snaps
onto your shoulder strap

and moves up and down to eliminate
uncomfortable pressure...

- Going to bed?
- Now you can have you own Tiddy Bear,

and eliminate those annoying shoulder...

They say every person has three

million-dollar ideas in their life.

Scat had three of them
before he turned seven...

- See you tomorrow.
- ...and many after.

In high school, he won
the state science fair

for inventing
a new flavor of ice cream.

165 people showed up
for the taste test.

They just wanted vanilla.

You see, people don't care
about something new.

They just want the same old thing

behind a new, sexier label...

Fuck!

...because taste doesn't matter.

It's all about the branding.

And without that...

it's just syrup and water.

Pete, you awake?

I have an idea...

it's a drink idea. It just clicked!

I'm gonna run with this, Pete.

I really think this
could be it for me.

I might even be able to pull you in too.
You've got great ideas.

What do you think?
Do I... I mean do I go indie?

Do I try to sell
to one of the majors?

Yeah, it definitely
feels mainstream.

One of the majors.

I just need to get it
in front of the right guy.

- Little did he know

her name is Six.

Wow.

Six sounds like sex.

That's the point.

Studies show that
the more men associate

sex with decision-making, the more
likely their answer will be "yes"

- to anything that you might request.
- Morning, Six!

"What was the question?"
you might ask.

- Grade A.
- Great ass.

Do you really think it matters?

Addy. This is Beth.

Sure!

Welcome to the Addison Company,
how may I help you?

Hello, Beth is it?

I'm the brother to your
New Products marketing manager

and I...

it's the whole family. We have
this special birthday surprise planned...

Who do you wish to see, sir?

- Six.
- I'm sorry,

New Products doesn't accept
unscheduled meetings.

Yeah, I know that, Beth.
That's why I'm here.

I was hoping you'd put me through to her
so that I can sort this all out.

Addy. This is Beth!

Sure, you're welcome!

I'm sorry, New Products doesn't
accept unsolicited calls.

Tell me, Beth, how do you suggest
that I contact my own sister?

I refuse to solicit a call.

- That's just absurd.
- Try her cell.

Have a nice day, sir.

Addy. This is Beth.

Yeah, the ingredients
in Addison beverages

are suitable for a vegetarian.

Should we reschedule?

No, I don't know.

Not sure how long
we'll have to stay out here.

All over my phone.

I suppose we should stand over here.

You know how they first
marketed fire alarms?

- Hired arsonists.
- Yeah.

"Marketing 101

I hear 'em from my manicurist,
my Pilates instructor,

my girlfriend.
I don't need yours.

You don't need my what?

A drink idea.

Bravo.

You've got the sex thing,
you've got the wealth thing,

- you've totally got the mystery thing.
- You think this is an image?

You're right.
Don't ruin the magic.

The insurance company only obligates

a four-minute mandatory evacuation
for all fire alarms,

which means you have 25 seconds
before Addy starts losing money.

What? Can't we set up
a meeting, something?

I have an idea that could make
your company millions of dollars

and you're giving me 30 seconds?

That's how long we have
to sell our customers.

It's called advertising.
Five seconds.

All right.

Okay okay!
Jet black can called "Fukk"!

8:00 PM, Alain Ducasse.

11:00 AM, coffee.
I don't do dinner.

12:00, lunch!

Abe & Arthur's.

Or I'm going to ZephCo.

Tampering with a fire alarm
is a federal offense.

Men categorize women
in one of four ways:

mothers, virgins, sluts and bitches.

Of course, none of the above

is suitable for the modern
businesswoman.

But you can create your own image

by selecting pieces of each archetype
that work for you.

For example,
the sexual attractiveness...

of the slut.

The wisdom of the mother.

The integrity of the virgin.

The independence of the bitch.

This leaves men confused
and unable to pigeon-hole you.

What they're forced to do instead is

take you seriously.

- Mr. Scat.
- Ms. Six.

As this is a business lunch,
a handshake is appropriate.

I completely agree. I always say
lunch lubricates business.

- Lubricates what?
- Nothing. I don't lubricate.

- Mr. Scat...
- Scat.

- This idea of yours, "Fuck"...
- Yeah, that's F-U-K-K.

That addresses my first concern.

Now, with regard to the target market,

I'm assuming you're after the young,
cynical image-conscious consumer?

Like yourself.

Mr. Scat, don't confuse me
with a consumer. I don't buy anything.

Exactly, it'd be like drinking irony.

No, we're not ready yet.

Did you have any thoughts on taste?

Well, no.

People don't buy energy drinks
based on taste, do they?

No, I was just wondering.

Well, then...

something eye-wateringly sharp
with a kind of chemical aftertaste,

so you think, "This must be powerful!"

Good. Good.

- Where are you going?
- I'm leaving.

What about lunch?

Mm-hmm.

May I say you're very young to be
managing your own department?

I'm 21.

No, seriously...

21.

I'll give you 25... okay, 24.

Mr. Scat, I am 21.
Now deal with it.

Okay, marketer to marketer,

- you're not 21, and...
- What?

...you're “Of 93V-

I graduated from
high school when I was 15,

courtesy of an
advanced-learning program.

I did four years at UCLA,
an MBA at Stanford,

and now after three months
at Addison, I am 21 years old.

I lie about going to Stanford too.

Perhaps you should
see someone about that.

Look, Fukk's mediocre,
it's not great.

I was thinking, what if the can
has a ton of compressed air in it

so that when you pop one,
everyone around hears it?

No, we had a bad experience
with aeration in Massachusetts.

300 people called to complain
about excessive gassiness.

And besides, there was
that exploding-can fatality.

Have I had you sign
a non-disclosure form?

- No.
- I'm going to need you to do that.

I'll come into your office tomorrow.

Actually I don't need you to come in
until we present to the board,

and they don't convene until next week.

- I'll courier you the form.
- Mediocre, huh?

Look, I work for a company
that could buy

a continent if they wanted to.

I have people that fix ideas.

Addiland? Hmm.

The point is just sit tight.

I'm going to have my team
work through the night to make it great.

I'm assembling them now.

Okay.

- Okay.
- Could you not use that word?

"Okay"?

Look, "Addy" is the second most
well-known word in the world.

We're shooting for number one.

- You get me?
- I get you.

- Why Six?
- What?

Why did you pick Six?
Why not, you know, Five?

I didn't pick it.
It is my real name.

Nobody's parents give them
an unusually cool name.

There are only
parent-given regular names

and parent-given
embarrassing names.

I went to school with a kid named Petal,
for Christ's sake.

I hate to wreck your theory,
but I was named Six by my parents.

Although not at first.

When I was born,
I was christened "Zero,"

when I turned one,
I was renamed to "One."

It was actually quite touching,
having my name as well as my age

on my birthday cake
in frosty blue icing.

Even if I believed you can
remember your first birthday,

which I don't,
what happened to Seven?

When I was six, my parents
died in a plane crash.

Taxi!

We'll be in touch.

Scat I'm in love.

She's like a rose dipped in poison.

She sells herself better
than anyone I've ever met.

I think there was some sexual tension.
I've always wanted sexual tension.

She's having a team
work through the night

to present to the board
tomorrow and she said

they don't meet till next week.
She lies right to my face,

outrageous lies, and you know what?
I believe them.

She's trying to steal my idea.
She's fantastic!

Yes.

I wonder what her real name is.

Please leave a message
at the tone.

Hey, Mom, you'll never believe this.

I pitched an idea to Addison
Cola Company yesterday.

And, well, nothing's for sure yet,
but they're having me

- present to the board today.
- Hey hey.

- Hey!
- Hey hey!

Hey you! Damn it!

Oh, hey!

You'd get a real kick out of this.

I mean it's a whole room
filled with rich executives

all listening to me
pitch my drink idea.

Wish me luck, I wore a suit.

It's Pete's.

- And later, we will further develop...
- Come back here!

What's going on?

Hey!

We are prepared to go
to all measures...

However as we...

Sorry I'm late.

Traffic was toxic.

Chairman, gentlemen,
may I present to you Mr. Scat?

The creator of Fukk.
How's everybody doing?

Is Mr. Scat here
one of our employees?

- Actually, he is...
- No, not yet.

Sir, he is simply
a contractor that I've brought in

- to help with some logistics.
- I hate to burst your bubble,

but we don't develop products
that we don't own.

Gentlemen, my partner
may have misled you.

See, Mr. Scat and I have
co-developed Fukk.

And he is prepared to relinquish
trademark rights for only $2 million.

That's good.

Does that mean...?

Yes, Scat,
you're rich and famous.

You did register
that trademark, didn't you?

Thanks, hon. That's enough.

Number 32!

- Hi!
- Hi! Hello!

If I have a name for a new drink
and it hasn't been registered,

I can do that through you, right?

Oh yes, dear.
What's the name of your drink?

It's F-U-K-K.

Oh, "Fook"?

Okay. I'll just enter that
into the machine here.

"Fook, Fook, Fook, Fook, Fook,

Fook, Fook, Fook,
Fook, Fook."

Ooh, I'm sorry.

That name has already
been registered.

- Just this morning too.
- What?

One person but with two names.

Fucking bitch.

- What's her real name?
- Huh?

One of her names is Six.
What's her other name?

Oh, uh, one of the names
is Peter Ang...

and the other is Sneaky Pete.

Huh! That's kind of fun...

Shit!

Pick up, pick up!

Sneaky Pete.
Now it actually fucking makes sense.

You asshole.
You fucking asshole! I trusted you.

Do you think they want
a stolen idea, Pete?

Nobody likes a lawsuit.
Six isn't stupid.

She knows how to navigate
these things.

I've already heard from her people,
her legal department, they...

Fuck.

Well, congratulations.

You've just completed
"Marketing 101

Hello. Hello?

Good evening, Mr. Becker.

- Who's this?
- I have good news for you, Mr. Becker.

- And what would that be?
- You're the winner

of the Comtel
ring-in-the-savings draw,

entitling you to three big months
of our crystal-clear

long-distance service
at 20% off the regular low low price.

- Isn't that incredible?
- Yeah, I'm not interested in any...

And that's not all.

If you sign up for our dial-up
Internet access plan,

you can be surfing
at breakneck speeds

for the jaw-dropping price of $19.99.

Do you have a credit card,
Mr. Becker?

Fuck!

Honey, I just saw
your drink this afternoon

in the soda machine
at the tennis club.

And Jenna...

you know Jenna,
Sophie's mother...

anyway, I overheard her
telling her friends

how she just loves a good Fukk.

I realized she was talking
about you! Your drink!

I'm just so proud of you.
Send Pete my love, honey,

and include him in
everything you're doing, huh?

We'll speak soon. Bye-bye.

Scat!

You look, um...

how are you?

Yeah, I'm good.
I'm great. Thank you.

Good. Good!

Very good.

- Fukk
- Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're great.
They're...

they're fantastic. I-l...

I really like what you did
with the carbonation.

We put a disclaimer
on the bottom of the can.

Yeah, I saw that.

I... wondered

about how you might be doing.

I'm fantastic.

I mean...

you mean the trademark thing?

That's business, you know.

But I've got so much
going on, that...

it didn't...

How's it doing?

Number one energy drink
in the nation.

Wow, that's fantastic.

I mean congratulations.
That's huge.

Yeah.

It wasn't really me.

Hey, Six, let's go!

Pete's waiting.
He's got a big surprise for you.

Of course.

Mr. Pete would like to firstly

thank everyone in this room

for all of their hard work
and determination

during the summer Fukk campaign.

Gentlemen, we are once again
projected at number one.

And well deserved.

Now, now...

Mr. Pete would like
to personally extend

his warmest congratulations
to Ms. Six.

After all, this was her baby.

But you can rest assured, Ms. Six,

with Pete fathering
the Fukk campaign from here on out,

your baby is in good hands.

Hopefully, the Classic campaign
won't be too much work for you.

Scat What was that?

My baby shower.

- You're not...
- No shit!

I've been taken off Fukk
and stuck babysitting Addy Classics.

- Why?
- Senior management loves Sneaky Pete.

Everyone else is terrified of him!

So I'm stuck implementing
a 15-year-old campaign.

Fucking men!

I'm replacing the campaign
with something better.

- Much better.
- What's that?

Ideas aren't my strength, Scat.

My strengths are development, management
and negotiation, which clearly

you don't have or else you'd be worth $2
million right now, wouldn't you?

You got another Fukk in you?

- Have I...?
- Right.

I shouldn't have asked.
I'm sure you're busy.

- So we'd be working together.
- Yes.

- Having lunch together.
- Possibly.

- Living together.
- Yeah... no!

- Why would we be living together?
- I need a place to stay.

- I don't have furniture at my place.
- I'll loan you a mattress.

- The lease is almost up.
- This is only for five days.

- Why?
- If any new production is gonna make it

in time for summer,
they need it by the end of the week.

So you're asking me to come up
with an entire advertising campaign

- for Addy Classics in five days?
- No, that would be a waste of time.

I need you to come up with
an entire advertising campaign for Fukk.

I want to beat Pete.

C'mon, what's the worst
that could happen?

You don't think of anything
and go back to your...

other work.

My other...?

I'm definitely staying
at your place then.

I live in Times Square
with my girlfriend.

Tina doesn't like men...

at all.

Why are you smiling?

'Cause this is what it feels like

to be the guy you need.

You can have the sofa.
Not a bed.

- Pillows are subject to availability.
- Sure.

And you do not wander
into rooms, you knock.

Of course.

And most importantly...

you leave that toilet seat down.

I may not be able to control that.

- Then I hope you can hold it.
- It's instinctual.

I think a handshake is appropriate.

This is exciting.
I feel good about this.

Five days though?
Isn't that cutting it close?

Whatever.
We can probably stretch it.

Loose deadline, right?

You can do this.

I'll assign a team once you
get the hang of things,

relieve some of your... stress.

Kind of like you did on Fukk?

This is it.

Are you gonna say it?

You're clearly not a lesbian.

What?

We leave for work at 7:00.
I'll wake you at 6:00.

- Okay.
- Scat, that word.

Even outside of work?

There is no outside of work.

Shit. Shit!

I made you breakfast.

Wow.

I never would have picked you
for a woman who would cook for a man.

Why not?

- Because of the sexism.
- Are you trying to be sensitive?

- I am sensitive.
- So, what, according to you,

women aren't allowed to cook for men?

Reversing the gender stereotype
doesn't eliminate it.

If you weren't sexist, you wouldn't
care I made you breakfast.

- All right.
- No no no, okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

I appreciate it, Six.

You like them fluffy?
I made them fluffy.

- I love fluffy.
- Eat quick, we leave in 20.

Quicker.

Product Relatability,"

you learn to analyze love,
longing and desire

as if it were a tool to sell a product.

As far as we know, it's a stimulation

of the brain's ventral tegmental area
and caudate nucleus.

These areas are also involved
in major purchasing decisions,

so a lot of research is going
into how to trigger them directly,

with a fragrance, for example,

or a particular sequence of notes.

The ultimate goal,
of course, is a method

of making any given person
fall hopelessly in love

with any given product.

We haven't figured that out yet,
but... we're getting there.

We're getting there.

Signing in a sub-contractor.

Today.

Yeah.

Six.

Who the fuck told the band
we'd cover their mini-bar?

No, it's not fucking all right.
It's not fucking all right at all!

We want 50k on that, minimum.

You can't get a good-looking
priest for under 50k.

I spent hours going
through the casting.

Welcome back.

This is my office?

No, that is your office.

Call me if you need anything.

Oh, and by the way,

if anyone asks, you're consulting
on an Addy Classics campaign.

So you're the new Chet.

- Excuse me?
- A word of advice...

Nothing.

Scat, don't do that.

You feel important,
but you look pompous.

That is quite a control complex
you've got there.

I know that you enjoy
psychoanalyzing me,

but not everything I do reveals
my innermost secret feelings.

Sometimes I'm just
trying to prevent you

from embarrassing us.
You need a little leadership.

Oh, that's leadership?
What about your inability

- to accept anyone else's point of view?
- Focus. Let's focus.

- Your paranoia?
- Business savvy.

Obsessive need to know
everything that's going on?

- Organizational skills.
- Aggressiveness?

Okay, that means
we're moving up the 3:00

to 2:00, but that's fine,
we can move the 2:00...

that's the old 2:00... to 4:00.

Mr. Pete?

Mr. Pete.

This is Scat,

a contractor I've brought in to help

with some campaign logistics.

Creating and Sustaining
Competitive Advantage in the Workplace."

With rivalry always comes
motivation to succeed.

So what do we have?

Okay.

I know that some...

creative people can find pressure
counter-productive, but...

tomorrow's Friday.

What happens if I can't
think of anything?

I mean...

you can't really rush
this sort of thing, you know?

I have faith in you.

All right.

Okay, well...

this needs more work,
but tell me what you think.

So we open on a beach.

Frolicking teenagers, sun, bikinis,

then a shadow falls over them.

They turn and there's
this gigantic beach ball.

I mean, it's 100' tall, right?

And as it rolls towards them,

they run and they scream and they...

- what?
- How does that sell the product?

- It's just cool.
- We don't need "just cool," Scat!

We need brilliant!

They're going to fire me, Scat.

I canceled
the old campaign already.

It's too late to go back.

Pete put me in charge of mundane
re-processing procedures,

so I just...

canceled it.

So unless you come up
with something brilliant

by 6:00 tomorrow afternoon,
Addy will have

no summer campaign for Fukk
and we'll both be fired.

Not in a cool way.
Not dramatically.

We'll just clean out
our desks and go home.

You'll catch a bus back
to your furniture-free apartment

and disappear.

Valuable Relationships
and Synergies...

How to Cultivate
a Valuable Partnership

and Recognize When You're
Being Leveraged Unfairly."

Scat just happened
to be sick that week.

Help help... 00P-

- You can do it.
- What?

Come up with the world's greatest ad
in less than 12 hours?

Really, you think so?
'Cause I gotta say,

at this point I think
it's more likely that I'm not.

It would be irresponsible of me,
as your manager,

to put that excess pressure on you.

This isn't excess pressure?

This feels like excess pressure.

It's simple, Scat:

yield results, keep your job.

Why'd you have to go and make
me breakfast, and then just...

- You're an adult. Try and...
- You don't give a crap about me.

- You never have. I feel used.
- You're throwing a tantrum.

Well then, you shouldn't
have made me breakfast.

I feel like I'm going
to my own execution.

You knew it was impossible,
but you still had the nerve.

You know what?
This isn't even about drama.

This is about basic respect
and human decency,

and you don't...

You can do this.

It only takes an 18th of a second

for a synapse in your brain
to trigger a thought

or a million-dollar idea.

What do you got?

Here's how to spot the difference
between art and marketing.

Marketing starts with an unfulfilled
need in the marketplace

and figures out how to plug it.

Art, on the other hand,
starts with the idea.

Figuring out how to sell it
comes later, if at all.

This way makes better stuff, but a lot
of the time there's no market for it.

This way makes more money,

but a lot of the time the idea sucks,

'cause you can't force ideas
to turn up when you need them.

They just do...

or they don't.

I've got nothing.

What?

Well, at least you had fun.

- You just flushed me down the toilet.
- Beach balls?

I don't know, maybe we should
have gone with that.

No, we shouldn't. it was a stupid idea,
just like all your other stupid ideas.

Your company paid $2 million
for one of those stupid ideas.

- Because I sold it to them!
- You know what?

This is not cool.

This is not cool.
Fuck!

- Fuck!
- Scat, cut it out.

I feel like I'm babysitting.

It is not acceptable
to throw tantrums in public places.

- Don't do that.
- I am not going back to that life

where everything was annoying
and boring and sucked!

I'm not!

People actually get killed doing that.

Shit!
Uh-oh.

Scat?

Scat!

Scat?

Scat?

Last year,
12 Americans lost their lives

while trying to steal
from vending machines.

Wouldn't you die for a Fukk?

Holy crap.

Did they just buy it?

They bought it.

- What's wrong with you?
- What?

- You're excited.
- No, I'm not.

Yes, you are, you're excited.

I'm finding you
very attractive right now.

Really?

- So?
- Over it now.

Congratulations!

Can I have everyone's
attention, please?

Thank you.
Mr. Pete would like to congratulate

Ms. Six and Mr. Scat
on the new campaign.

This is exactly the type of initiative

that Mr. Pete likes
to foster in New Products,

so, well done.

By the way, I am Mr. Pete's
new personal assistant.

My name...

is Three.

That's my image!

They've stolen my image!

Come on,
you're twice the woman she is.

- That's my image.
- 'Cause three plus three...

Are you talking?

Do you know how long
it took me to develop that?

Three.
That's not even right!

Three! What is that even
supposed to mean?

What's Six supposed...
oh, of course.

Six, Scat.

Mr. Pete wanted you
to know that even though

what happened yesterday
was an unforgivable

and despicable form of sabotage,

there are no hard feelings.

Mr. Pete's only concern is
the outcome of this company.

And we're going to work
really hard to make sure

that this new campaign of yours
doesn't turn into a total disaster

that consumes both of your careers.
Understand?

Interesting look.

Make sure that security
doesn't see you up here.

Fukk!

How was that?

Six, check it out.

We got the dailies
back from the studio.

- Not bad, Scat.
- Subtle, I like that.

- Not bad at all.
- I thought you were Six.

- I'm not Spock.
- Seriously...

isn't this a little demeaning?

Oops, said his name.
He was a fucking sick...

Let me ask you something...

and I know that this
is super personal,

but I was just kind of wondering...

why do you like Six so much?

Is it because you like
to be pushed around?

No, of course not. Well...

maybe that's part of it.

You know it's not real, right?

You know there's not
one thing genuine about her.

You know that she's not even
a real lesbian, right?

Yeah, of course I know that.

You could have saved me
some embarrassment.

Scat, there is nothing real
about her. She's just image!

Why do you shackle yourself to her?

Sneaky Pete will take care of you...

- and so will I.
- No no no, you don't know Six...

at all.

It's cold tonight.

So you should sleep with me.

A standard Vegas striptease
is seven minutes long.

The woman should remove her top

at the four-minute mark.

At six minutes,
she should be naked...

with the exception
of an optional prop.

The beginner's mistake is
to get naked too fast,

thinking that's what
the audience is there for.

It's not.

Sex is biology.

Sex appeal

is marketing.

It's not the naked body
that's exciting.

It's the possibility.

That's your side.

All right?
You stay on that side

and this is my side.

There is...

no need for overlap.

Okay.

And don't fidget.

You have a tendency
to fidget sometimes.

Don't do that.

- Okay.
- Scat, that word.

Ow! What was that?

- What do you think you're doing?
- I am kissing you!

- I'm not your little woman!
- You invited me to bed!

You can't ever
take me for granted!

- What am I doing here?
- I don't know!

- I... I don't know.
- Do you care about me?

Be honest with me, do you?
Do you care about me?

Look, I am begging you, Six.
Lam begging you

just to be honest with me
and to give me one clear sign.

Look, I like you.

I need to know if you
feel anything for me.

Or if I'm just some naive moron that
you're using to get what you want.

You're more than
a naive moron to me.

No, I'm doing Boston.
I thought you were doing New York.

No, Sneaky Pete
is doing New York.

He's doing "Letterman."

He doesn't even speak!

I guess I'll just do
Seattle and come home.

And when are you coming home?

Well, I guess in two days?

Hurry.

I'm home.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

- Will you be paying compensation?
- How do you feel about this?

What do you say to the family?
Can you answer that question?

A community is in mourning,
and there's talk tonight of

an investigation after a vending machine
tipped over on top of a teenage boy.

Family and friends
are remembering the freshman...

I just heard a loud thud.
I didn't think anything of it

until I looked over.
There were cans every...

Behind me you can see

an incredible display
of cards, flowers...

...says that about
40 students have taken advantage

of the grief counseling at the school.

Some have even had to go home.

Do you ever stop and think about
the people that we manipulate...

into wanting something so badly...

they'd do anything for a goddamn
energy drink. And for what?

I mean, why?

Why do you do this?

Is there anything genuine about you?

About what you do?

And do you feel important?

Do you feel empowered?
Is that it?

What happens when you go home

and get into bed

and realize that you're no one?

And you look at me
with those stupid, sexy eyes.

Fuck!

And I just want to know you.

Six, I just want to know you.

That's all I've ever wanted
is to know you.

You could say that
Parker Meehan was typical.

He played basketball.

He got passing grades.

He hoped one day
to become an architect,

like his father.

But that dream is gone.

Snuffed out

because like so many
typical teenagers,

Parker decided to try
something that he saw

on TV.

On television, a falling Addy machine

doesn't seem like it would hurt.
In fact, it seems almost funny, but...

Parker tragically discovered

that life is not always like it is

on TV.

Would anyone care
to share a few words?

I would.

Yes, please, come up.

Scat. Scat!

I used to think that it didn't matter.

I was so lost
with what we could do...

that I never considered
whether we should.

It's a great power that we wield.

It's a great and terrible power.

Maybe we've forgotten
that one basic truth:

power requires responsibility.

I don't know.

Maybe us marketers
have lost our way.

- You know...
- Scat, come on.

- Let's go, come on.
- What the hell are you doing?

- What?
- Don't these people

look awfully attractive to you?

I saw the blonde use an eye irritant.

I'm pretty sure that brunette on the end
was in the Addy '07 campaign.

Scat, these people are actors!

Come on.

That prick.

Ls everything all right?

Parker Meehan is not dead!

- Scat, Scat!
- Son! No no no.

- Stop, no no!
- It's marketing!

...It's fake! It's marketing, it's...

Aha! You see?

Do you see? I told you.

Shit!

Occasionally, just occasionally,

your company will be caught in a lie.

It's not good.

If possible,
immediately fire somebody expendable

and publicly apologize.

If not, you gotta stick to the lie.

Remember, perception is reality.

Yes, that... that looked bad.

Looked bad?

We've spent $400 million
on our image this year.

And your boy goes on television,

tips over a coffin,
pulls out a mannequin,

- and shakes it!
- Yes, I-I...

we know that this is a PR disaster.

And we know we need a scapegoat,

but let's be very clear as to who
that scapegoat should be.

This whole debacle was deliberately
arranged by Sneaky Pete.

Let's not go accusing people
without evidence.

We have absolutely no proof...

Gentlemen, I am confident that
an event this expensive

can be traced to his expense account.

I don't know enough about marketing
to speculate on Mr. Pete's motives,

but if it's true, then I would feel
fairly confident that it was part...

- No. The situation here is very clear.
- No what?

- The situation here is very clear...
- Excuse me!

- We need to call a press conference...
- Part of a strategic plan.

- Done!
- And announce that this episode was

an underhanded attempt by Sneaky Pete
to discredit a colleague,

and that Addison will not
tolerate such behavior.

And that he has been fired.

I mean, how else
would we explain it?

Say that Scat went temporarily insane?

- Well...
- Okay, the real question here

is who would you rather have
running your marketing department?

Someone with integrity, or someone
who will do anything to get to the top,

- no matter what the cost.
- Hmmm.

Which Scat will also do,

- but with integrity.
- Scat is very new here.

I am not.

- You had to open the coffin.
- I hope you and Pete

live happily ever after.

You have no idea
what you're talking about.

I guess I am
that naive moron, huh?

Thanks for your loyalty, Six.
I appreciate it.

You have no idea
what you're talking about.

To listen to your messages, press one.

...First new message.

Received today at 2:52 AM.

Six, it really is so clever!

Sexy Six.

Look, I just have
one question for you.

Did you make him breakfast, huh?

Are you guys a team now?
You and Pete? Screw you.

I miss you.

Come on, break's over.

Shoe department needs your help.

They can only find a seven,
the customer needs a six.

On your right,

we've got the weeping clown
of the meatpacking district.

The old butchers
used to come out here and weep

for the slaughter of their kill and...

Come on!

- Two hours before we...
- Heads up.

Scat
...get to our destination.

- I don't know why, but I'm...
- There's goes our man.

I'm just a magnet
for young, young women.

Exactly how young?

Thanks.

Go!

I will not get drawn
into this with you again.

It is Fukk. It's pronounced "fuck."
It's pronoun...

That's what everybody's calling it.

It has nothing to do with "fook."
It's not Swedish.

It's not "fook," it's "fuk." "Fuk."

- He looked taller on TV.
- They always do.

- What's with the rickshaw?
- What?

Taiwanese cross-promotion?
Rickshaw?

- The pedicab?
- Yeah. Rickshaw.

Research, right?

- For a new campaign?
- Hmm?

- Who are you?
- We are not at liberty

to reveal our employer, Mr. Scat,

but we can say they turned over
$18.4 billion last year.

ZephCo?

That's too specific.

Guys...

Mr. Scat, we just want to talk,
just talk.

Yes, I did.

Yes, I did.

I can't say no.
I can't say no.

No.

Research.

Let's talk straight.

ZephCo doesn't know what you were
doing with that funeral stunt,

but whatever it was, it was brilliant
because everyone's talking about it.

Here's the thing, we have
great marketing already,

all these competitions
and giveaways.

- We have excellent execution.
- No, you don't.

Yes...?

Look, we need to beat Addy.

And we were doing just fine
until guess who comes along.

- Sneaky Pete!
- The inventor of Fukk!

- Fuk. Fuk.
- It's "fuck."

- You know about Fukk?
- Yeah, I know about Fukk.

The drink is genius. Naturally
we immediately tried to poach Mr. Pete,

but since he turned us down,
here we are.

We feel you have the potential

to be the next Sneaky Pete.

Now we know you worked with him

on the "Die for a Fuk"
campaign, right?

You were... fuck. You...

You were clearly... "fuk."

You were clearly
a team at the funeral.

Right? And now this whole
guerilla marketing,

you know, with the rickshaws...
genius, genius!

Genius.
It speaks volumes to us

that Mr. Pete trusts you
as much as he does.

Volumes.

And we have been
empowered by the CEO

to hire you right now.

- Okay, look...
- We get it.

- You're happy at Addison.
- I'm not happy at Addison.

- I'm not even at Addison.
- Shut up, Scat!

We're hoping that our
ridiculous salary package

might change your mind.

- Exactly how ridiculous?

I think it's safe to say

very ridiculous.

Preposterous, even.

- It's a great opportunity.
- Yep.

- It's a lot of money.
- Yep.

- What was your real name?
- Six.

You have 62 direct-line employees...

water, sparkling...

not including the call center.

Scat, Six... Charles, Buckey.

Your personal bathroom
is right through there.

What is this?
We need to get this...

No no no.

This is not for me.
I thought we covered that.

Excuse me.
Your remaining budget is $200 million.

Your office.

What do you think?

It'll do.

I appreciate your
coming on so quickly.

- We need you.
- Of course. We're happy to be here.

You don't understand.
You've got to help me.

I have stock options.

We are very committed
to making this work.

In fact, let me ask you something.
How do you feel

about attack marketing? I know
there's some potential for backlash,

but in a basic duopoly like this

diluting their USP could be
nothing but beneficial for us.

I don't know what
the hell you just said.

- Just sell product.
- Absolutely.

Can do, sir.

Good.

You're exactly the same.

I'm sorry, did I allude
to being someone I'm not?

- Are you trying to be ironic?
- No.

Anyone who works with you
loses their soul.

- I'm sorry to hear that.
- That I lost my soul? You should be.

No, that you don't want to work, Scat.

- Stop being so dramatic.
- Oh God!

You couldn't figure out
how to fuck me.

So get over it.

- We have work to do.
- I neverjust wanted to fuck you.

Everyone wants to just fuck me.

I'm different!

You're still a guy, right?

Thinks with his dick.

If that were the case, I could have
settled for a whole lot less.

And don't tell me that I just want you
because I can't have you,

because that's...

that's...

Call the SMT.

Now.

The SMT stands for
Senior Management Team,

an acronym that Scat picked up
in "Business 185:

Understanding
the Corporate Structure."

"Average Kok."

Just have to take a look at it.

Yeah, now isn't that
basically Fukk?

Who wants to drink a Fukk
when you can down a Kok?

Kok is like Fukk for sissies.

It's "fuk." "Fuk."

The important word
here isn't "Kok."

"Average"?

Here's how it works.

The less religious you are,
the more likely it is

you're interested in celebrities.

Know that old question, "if you could
have dinner with any five people,

living or dead, who would you choose?"

Nobody ever picks their friends.

We're not going to sell
this product to your friends.

Not yet, anyway.
Now Zeph is way too mainstream for this,

so we set up a subsidiary that...

- What the...
- ...looks independent. We call it Z2.

Z2 releases Average Kok
with absolutely no above-the-line,

but a ton of astroturfing,
word-of-mouth,

seeding, black lemmings,
the works.

Once sales are solid,
we send a crate of product

to the 100 hottest
people in the country.

But not Average Kok. We tell them,

"For you, we've got the real thing."
A personalized can

with their name
and their number on the back.

Now they're intrigued.
They see our invitation

to send one of their people to
a closed meeting at the Z2 warehouse.

And there, we explain how it works.

Ladies and gentlemen,

there are 100 numbered cans...

each linked to a specific celebrity.

For example, the Hilton 88s.

Ms. Hilton is currently
in possession of the only 88s

in the world, outside of this company.

And we will not sell any 88s to anyone

unless they bring in an unopened 88.

That's a sign that Ms. Hilton
considers them worthy enough

to be seen with her product.

That person may then purchase
as many 88s as they'd like,

but no other number.

Here's the catch.

If someone brings us an 88

and we don't feel
they're Kok material,

or if our people see
someone in public

with an 88 we don't
feel is worthy of Kok,

we will terminate the 88s.

No exceptions. No appeals.

This product is image in a can.

We take image very seriously.

We take it as seriously as you take
the clients that you represent.

That's it, people.

Those of you who
brought cans can begin.

As soon as word gets out
about this, sales of Average Kok

will free-fall, sure, but demand
for Celebrity Kok will soar,

driven by the implicit endorsement
of the world's top celebrities.

Now they won't be able to buy it,
but they'll be desperate for it.

And the real beauty of all of this

is what they want to buy...
it isn't the drink.

It's the marketing,
I mean, the image,

- something that didn't exist...
- Let me hold you up there a minute.

What does this product taste like?

- I'm sorry, what did you say?
- Taste?

- Don't you think that's important?
- No no, I don't. Look,

this product could be sneakers or
t-shirts or glow-in-the-dark headbands.

It's not about the fluid, man.
It's about the image!

70% of what we perceive
as taste is psychological.

As long as this thing
tastes better than urine,

people are literally going
to convince themselves

- that they like it.
- Actually, people can believe

- they like the taste of urine.
- Really?

- We tested it once.
- Sports drink?

We tested it once.
We didn't sell it.

Look, I can't explain it
any clearer than this,

the success of this product...
stop it!

The success of this product
depends on people being shallow,

superficial, self-obsessed,
greedy and desperate for attention.

This is the American dream
in a fucking can.

A 34 just showed up on eBay.

Find Roberts for me and tell him I need
a mark-up on Red Bull in Vancouver.

- Are you going to answer that?
- What's the 34, the Cruise?

The Jolie. Current bid's at $3,000.
Do not answer the phone like that again.

I saw you.
Don't look at me like that.

I have Ms. Barrymore's
people on the line.

- They're threatening to sue.
- She should have thought of that before

she started handing
them out at concerts.

- I saw a fat guy drinking one.
- We had no choice.

- Mr. Scat. Busy, very busy.
- Yes sir.

- I like that, there's just one thing.
- What's that, sir?

You're not selling very much product.
In fact, you're refusing to sell it.

Correct, sir.
That's why people want to buy it.

- But my stock options.
- Sir, do you realize

what would happen if we released Kok
to the general public now?

Sure, sales would be massive,
but all those celebrities

who basically built our brand,
they'd be humiliated.

It'd be like us saying
to the world, "Hey!

We just fucked over
the world's top celebrities!"

- You're a genius.
- Thank you, sir!

Rumor has it they're grooming him
to be the next VP.

Don't you have somewhere to be?

What?

Do you, um...

do you love all of this?

What sort of stupid question is that?

Do you?

Scat I think I'm like that...

that kid who still
believed in Santa Claus

until some asshole kid
told him that it didn't exist.

I am that asshole kid, huh?

Scat The verdict's still out.

What sort of profound nonsense is that?

We're about to go public.

Oh... we're live.

Mr. Scat? Mr. Scat? My name is Kit.

I don't know if you've ever considered
taking on a protégé, but I would be...

- Great stuff.
- ...honored to follow you around

and watch everything you do.

I have requests for interviews
from print and TV and radio.

Also, I know you're
really busy right now,

but if you ever get lonely
or you just want to talk...

Okay okay okay.

You'll love this, okay?

Entrepreneurial Solutions
for Market Failure,"

you learn that once you make it
to the top, in any crisis that may arise

it then becomes your job
to reset perception

through corporate restructuring.

A young kid
committed suicide today in St. Louis.

Left a suicide note on the back

of a hand-drawn picture of a Kok can,

with the number 17 and his name.

CNN is going live

at 8:00 PM with the number 17

being "Damien White's lucky number."

It's obviously uncorroborated.

Okay yeah, the note says...

I don't want to know
what the note says.

No, I got it. It's right here.
It's right here.

"I love everybody.
I just wish I could have been cooler."

It's Pete.

The "I" s are all lower-cased.

Now that...

see, that's the sign of a depressive...

- I gotta call Six.
- Somebody that has a low opinion...

Don't call Six. Don't call Six.
The kid's dead, Scat.

We had our research department
fact check.

Okay? The mother's
already hired a lawyer.

We need you to go live with this

before the 8:00 news. Okay?

We've arranged a pre-taped
CNBC interview.

You'll need to...

spin this.

You want me to spin the suicide?

That's what we pay you for.

We just want to come up

with an angle on this together.

We couldn't... bup bup bup.

You want me to fire someone?

Yeah.

Who am I going to fire, Davidson?

It was my idea, it was my concept.

Yeah, it was a great concept.
That's not the issue.

Where's Six?

Personally,
I never had a connection.

There was no synergy, but I tried.

I think that'll be enough.

Six, look, call me back, okay?

Um, don't go back to the office.

Just call me back and I'll come
meet you wherever.

Yes, you'd be working
directly under me.

And you would have quite
a bit of creative freedom.

Um, it's just I'm very excited
about this opportunity.

What do you think that you can
bring to the next campaign?

Hey, Jen, hey, it's Scat.

Where are you?
Jameson's looking for you.

Look, where's Six, Jen?
Where was her 2:00?

She's interviewing a new creative.

It's in the Village.
It's a lunch thing, I think.

Thank you.

Thank you for lunch.

Are you fucking kidding me?

- This is Scat.
- I have heard so much about you.

- You ignore my calls for this?
- It's not what you think, Scat.

Of course it's not what I think,

because it's you.

- You're never what I think.
- What do you care?

- What do I care?
- Yeah, what the hell do you care?

They're grooming you for VP.

You've got some great ideas,
and I look forward

to seeing how we can incorporate them

into ZephCo's current campaigns,
which will probab...

She always starts
with those fucking ideas.

Welcome to ZephCo.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

We're live in 30 seconds.

- Did you make the market?
- Just... yep.

- Makeup's clear.
- Want me to roll the tape?

- Perfect.
- Here you go.

Some sad breaking news
coming to us tonight.

Damien White, a young teenager,
age 16, has committed suicide.

He left behind a suicide note
that reads,

"I love everybody.

I just wish
I could have been cooler."

On the back, a hand-drawn...

Let me just check your microphone.

- Allegedly Damien...
- Jen, it's Six.

...believed himself cool enough
to buy Kok, the ultra-elite

- celebrity energy drink sold only to...
- Is Jameson there?

...100 celebrities until yesterday...

...when it was released
to the general public.

Celebrities have been tweeting...

Good evening, I'm Lisa Simmons.

We have some sad breaking news
coming to us tonight.

- We have sad breaking news.
- Quiet please!

Damien White, a young
teenager, age 16, has committed suicide.

Hello hello.

What are you doing here?

Look, I need a place to stay.

That Three, man...

she took my job at Addy.

You knew that, right?

- No, I didn't.
- Yeah.

They had to fire someone
for letting you and Six go.

Hey, I'm sorry about...

It's all right.
It's just business.

Yeah.

I'm thinking of changing my image.

Really?

I liked the whole silent... thing.

Yeah, but it's kind of limiting.

There's only so far
you can go with that.

You know...

you were a really good arch-enemy.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Especially after you got me fired.

I was fuming.

Thanks.

I'm in love with a girl.

I don't even know her real name.

You, my friend,
are in love with an image.

- Is that bad?
- Eh...

Six quit.

She quit...

because of you.

...cool enough to buy their
product. How do they recover, John?

How does ZephCo turn this around
and use it to their advantage?

Well, they don't.

Right now ZephCo should be
entirely on the defensive.

A young child has committed
suicide because this company

refused to sell them a drink.
This is a prime example

of corporate bullying
as far as I'm concerned.

- "Corporate bullying"?
- Is this real?

That's because companies
usually don't refuse to sell...

He actually killed himself?

Yeah.

Yeah, the family already lawyered up.

What usually happens
in circumstances like this

is that ZephCo would
identify a fall guy,

someone in the marketing department,
and terminate them publicly...

He's just an intern, Scat.

They're grooming you for VP.

I feel like I'm losing you.

Jameson won't take any of my calls.

You're supposed to let me go.

That's why you came here, right?

You know, I was a ballerina.

I had dreams...

like the kind we sell to people.

I was going to go
to the Levinheimer Academy...

travel around Europe.

It wasn't just a goal, Scat.

It was an absolute.

And then I went to Yale...

and I went to London.

I did my audition.

And they told me I was
missing a muscle in my calf.

I couldn't even do
the battement glisse.

A simple move.

I was missing a muscle in my leg

and there was nothing
I could do about it.

Even

I decided then...

that no one was ever going
to be able to tell me

what I could and couldn't do again.

Even

And now I'm here,

sitting in a bar,

waiting for you to fire me.

- Ironic.
- Is that real?

What?

Do you know how hard it is for me
to tell you the truth?

So you wanted to be a ballerina?

I wanted to be...

Right. Okay.

Try our new rejuvenating formula.

You'll look younger, feel younger...

We're here with the head

of New Products
and Marketing for ZephCo.

Mr. Scat, thank you for 'pining us.

I only wish it was
under better circumstances.

I want to offer
my sincere condolences

to the White family
on behalf of ZephCo.

Mr. Scat, it doesn't
seem like the death

of an innocent teenager
has affected you.

If you're asking me
to acknowledge the fact that

through this ad campaign
people will literally

kill themselves to get their
hands on what I'm selling...

then yes.

Look, as far as I'm concerned,

this is one of the most successful
ad campaigns of all time.

It will certainly go down in history
as one of the most daring.

I know who Damien White is...
or who he was.

Because I fell in love
with the dream too.

But I don't want to spend
the rest of my life

chasing after an enigma.

And neither did Damien.

Look, I don't think that anybody

is taking the death of this
teenager very seriously

because they're still
buying my product.

This means that you've made
a conscious decision

to buy this drink
after Damien White's death...

after his suicide...
because it's even cooler.

In fact ZephCo's stock
has tripled since the suicide.

So if Damien White's death means
anything to you, then don't buy Kok.

But that'll never happen

because you believe
in the dream, the fantasy.

Buy Kok. Become perfect.

Scat!

What are you doing?

Just going for a walk.

Grand exit?

When will you realize,
when will people understand...

Yeah.

- That it's all fake?
- Don't you get it?

None of this is real, it's all fake.

The entire thing is fake.

Let me... let me explain
something to you.

If you live in a medium-sized city,
you see 800 ads...

You ruined all this for me.

Michael.

That's my name.

What's your real name?

And you're so used to this,
you don't even unders... you don't...

you don't realize it, okay,

but your body does.

Your heart rate increases,
your pupils dilate.

Your breathing becomes faster
and you become alert.

Because you've been tapped.

My name is Six.

Looking at a billboard

is supposed to feel
like love at first sight.

But it's not. It's not real.

None of it's real.

It's marketing.

It's been a pleasure
doing business with you, Six.

Without marketing,
you wouldn't know who you are.

Maybe...

sometimes you need
to walk away from that.

Because you haven't
been changed

and you haven't been perfected.

You're just drinking
the same old stuff.

Just...

a lost soul who's still drinking...

...syrup.