Original subtitles

Today on "Jon Glaser Loves Gear"...

Curling!

'Cause it's rocks on ice-- get it?

♪

Gear!

Today on "Jon Glaser Loves Gear"

I wanted to try a non-traditional activity

that has some really cool, weirder gear.

One sport that fits that bill perfectly

and gave me a good excuse to expand my gear collection,

is curling. You probably recognize curling

as that sport where someone slides a big rock on ice

while others sweep the ice with brooms.

Well, today I'm meeting with Dean Roth and Maria Eswine

at Brooklyn Lakeside Curling Club

to try curling for the first time ever.

First of all, I to just talk about the gear

before we get into it.

Okay.I kind of feel that I nailed it.

Gear!Got some good curling gloves.

Good gloves.I got these curling pants

that I think are pretty cool.

Great pants.Thank you.

I kind of made a custom USA curling jacket as a tip of the--

tip of the cap to the USA men's team

that brought home the gold at the Olympics.

[deep voice] Congratulations, America.

[eagle screeches]

Gear!This is, I guess, I guess,

a sliding thing for the knee, right?

That's for people who are gonna be, uh, just starting out

and may not be able to keep their knee off the ice.

So it's a beginner's thing.It's a beginner's thing.

Oh. Well, it looks cool.

Beginner's cool.

Gear!And then, of course,

I've got some really sweet curling shoes.

I got two brooms in here-- Gear!

I love the logo, 'cause look at that--

it's a curling stick, for the "O".

Sweet logo.

And then I brought my own stone, if that's cool.

The stones are 44 pounds of granite,

and if they're at room temperature,

they'll pretty much stick if you try to throw them on the ice.

So next time I do this, 'cause I know I'm gonna love this

and be good at it, just gotta have cold stones.

Cold stones.

And then Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, when they're dead,

they're gonna be some cold stones.

Cold Stones.

Well, let's, uh...

Let's curl!

I was excited to start the lesson.

We stuck some GoPros on the brooms for some cool shots.

[hard rock music]

And then it was on to some curling.

Get it...!

Yeah, yeah! [shouting]

Nice shot.Whoo! Whoo!

We got in the house!Yeah.

In the [bleep] house!

Johnny Cold Stones.

That's it!

Yeah.

I think we got it, I think we got it.

All right.

Hard!

Holy crap, Jon!

Back-- gear!

That's a good guard...

Jon! Good job, dude!That's how you curl!

USA bringing home the gold!

America wins again. [eagle screeches]

[Jon] For a first-timer,

I killed it at curling.

I gave Dean and Maria my USA jacket

as a thank you for the great lesson.

Curling!

Okay, so as you know,

I can't bring cameras inside my house,

so I'm gonna duck in real quick,

drop off my curling gear, change, and head back

to the production office

and sign up for some more curling lessons.

Hey, what's going on out here?

Hey, sweetie, um... we're not bringing the cameras in,

I'm just dropping off my curling stuff and, uh,

then I'm gonna go to the office, so...

Oh, well, it's cold out here, you guys.

Why don't you come on in? Huh?

Really?Yeah!

Actually, I've got a nice, little surprise for you,

and it'd be kind of fun

for the crew to document it for your show.

And you can even unblur my face.

[bell dings]Seriously?

Hi, Smokey.Hi, Leslie, nice to see you.

All right, yeah. Sounds good.

Come on in.Can't wait to see what this is all about.

Whoa!

What is goin' on here?

Is it, is it Christmas or Hanukah?

No, what month is this right now?

Is it-- is it my birthday?

So, what's the occasion?Nothin'.

I just love my husband

and I wanted to do something nice for him.

Sweetie, you're the best.Go ahead, open them.

Yeah?Yeah!

Oh, man, this is so exciting.

[gasps] Whoa! Yes!

Oh, my God, rock climbing shoes.

These are awesome!

Really?Yes, I always wanted to get a pair of these.

Let's keep going, keep going, keep going.

Yes! A fishing vest!

Gear!Look at all these pockets.

There's so many more to go through.

Motorcycle boots... yes! Gear!

Oh, my God, yes.

Roll out my quads...Yeah.

Especially I could've used this after the marathon.

Ran the 'Thon!

Oh, my God, to take your eggs camping!

Yeah! For all the times we go camping.

Oh! Yeah! Wow!

Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Do the logo?

More carabiners-- yes! Score!

Oh, look at that!Whoo!

Oh, my God-- It's a solar light on the bottle.

...on the side of your helmet.Oh.

You can see behind you. A field hockey stick--

these are so cool.Keep going.

Taekwondo! Yah!

This [bleep] is cool as hell!

I know what this is!

Grind it, dude!

Yes! It's a ring-toss game-- where are the rings?

Honestly, you can't have too many bags.

Pool noodles!

These are good to have if we ever go to someone's pool...

'cause I feel like it's better to bring your own pool noodles.

Right.Oh, my God, I'm just like...

tired from opening everything.

This is beyond nice of you to do.

I mean, you're letting the cameras back in

and you're, you're unblurring your face.

What's going on? Like, why... why'd you do this?

Why'd you buy me all this stuff?

Oh... I didn't buy any of this stuff.

This is all stuff that you bought,

and it's been used maybe once,

maybe twice you've used it.

Many times you've never touched any of this stuff.

And you know where it goes?

It goes into our house, and it goes into storage

and it goes into closets, right?

And now... now you want to try curling?

You want to add more stuff...

for something that you're not

even going to follow through with--

and you know you're not

going to follow through with this "curling".

And where is that rock supposed to go?

I don't know.

No.

And also, it's not a rock, it's called a stone,

and there's only, there's only two quarries

in the whole world where they get the granite...

Get out!

Get out! Everybody...

I can't take it anymore, get out!

Everybody out! Get out of the house,

take all the stuff out. Smokey, I'm sorry,

nice to see you again.You too, no problem.

Get out-- everybody out!

And blur my face again.[buzzer]

Don't forget your $2,000 acoustic bass guitar

that you never even bothered to learn how to play.

If you get help maybe I'll let you come back

into the house, all right?

[Jon] I couldn't believe

my wife would kick me out of the house.

I had no idea where to go,

and I couldn't leave my gear on the street,

I had to take it with me.

But could I carry all my gear at once?

My only hope was to wear my gear, every last piece.

And finally, I was able to do just that.

So I hit the streets with all my gear.

I had no place to call home.

Tell me I don't use my gear.

I use my gear plenty!

So what if I use it once? So what?

Tell me I won't learn to play this bass.

I jam on this bass.

Maybe my wife was right.

Maybe something iswrong with me and I am a hoarder.

No, she's wrong-- I just love gear.

I love all the gear I've ever bought, and loving gear is,

in and of itself, it's own activity.

[softly] It's own activity.

Gear.

Gear...

Gear'n... Gear-en...

Gearing, gearing-- gearing!

Gearing! I couldn't believe the concept

had never occurred to me before.

Gear-i, look up the word "gearing".

I'm looking for the act of wearing all your gear at once.

I'm not seeing that definition anywhere.

Well, that's bullshit!

Come on, Gear-i! Let's go right this wrong!

Gear-ing!

[Jon] With the epiphany about gearing,

I had discovered a new life purpose.

But to make gearing legit I would need

to get it into the dictionary.

So I met with Katherine Martin from Oxford Dictionary

to find out how to make that happen.

Can I try to get a new definition

for the word "gearing" into the dictionary?

What is the new meaning that you are proposing?

Gearing is the act of wearing

and enjoying one's gear all at once.

I'm certain that that is not covered in the dictionary.

You would have to convince lots of other people

to use the word so that it becomes--

this becomes the real meaning of gearing.

There needs to be a decent chance

that someone could say they were gearing

and another person would understand

what they meant by it.

Get ready, gearing, because your definition

is about to get re-de-fined.

[chuckling]

I had to make gearing widely known

before I could get it into the dictionary,

so I set up a booth

on one of New York's busiest street corners

and started spreading the word.

Hi, there, would you like to talk about gearing?

Hi, there, would you like to ask me about gearing?

Hi, got a sec to talk about gearing?

It was tough going at first, but soon people took notice.

What's gearing?What's gearing?

What is gearing?Gearing is the act of wearing

all of your gear at once,

and just enjoying it.

It turned out a lot of people were already gearing,

even though they didn't realize it.

It can be 100 things like me,

it can be 20 things, it can be five things.

I got a lot of gear.I could tell, you look like a gearhead.

You got your backpack, you got your sweet lookin' watch--

a pocket square, it's all gear.

So I'm gearing right now.You're for sure gearing.

I was feeling great about how it went,

so I hit the streets and grabbed a quick cup of joe

before hopping into a cab to go pick up my daughter from school.

How was school?Good.

Yeah? That's good.

Are you gonna ask me how "gearing" was today?

No! And I don't understand what it is!

Sweetie, daddy's told you so many times.

Gearing is when someone who loves gear

takes all their gear and they wear all that gear all at once.

If you say so.

I knew my family would come around

if they could just understand gearing,

so I invited my wife to dinner to tell her

about the important work I'd been doing.

Thank you very much and, uh, can I interest you

in a brochure, uh, for gearing?

Kind of explains everything I'm doing here.

You sure?

Here, I'll leave it here with the tip.

It'll be right here if you need it.

Can I tell you, I love eating with goalie gloves.

Jon, I think I pushed you too hard,

making you throw out all your gear and now,

this is happening.

Sweetie, do not feel bad about that, okay?

If you hadn't done that, I never would've gotten to gearing.

When gearing takes off

and it becomes this worldwide phenomenon

and people all across the globe start gearing

and they start posting their gearing videos to YouTube,

and I start doing TED talks all about gearing

and they'll be like, "How did you start gearing?

"Where did gearing come from? How'd you think of it?"

I will absolutely acknowledge every time

that it was because of you.

Kind of like the same concept

of behind every great gear is a great woman.

I want you to come back home.

I want the cameras to come back in the house.

And I'll unblur my face.

Are you serious?

If this is who you are, then I need to support you.

I mean, I'm stunned, thank--

Thank you-- come here, this is... this is so great.

Sweetie, the harmonica's in the way.

Yes!

Yes. Oh, good morning, sweetie.

Is this not the best?

This is what I wanted the show to be--

just coming downstairs in the morning,

the cameras are in my real house,

they're filming me and my real family and my real wife,

with her beautiful face unblurred.

Isn't this fun?

It's not as bad as I thought it would be.

No, it's great.

Guess we don't need the fake family anymore, right?

Home sweet home.Yeah, well, I'm just gonna go

gearing, if that's cool.

Yeah.Yeah.

Have fun.

Oxford dictionary, here I come! Whoo!

Hey, uh...

You see my gearing pack?

Yeah, it's outside.

Oh, does it stink? Good call, air it out.

Yeah, the same thing happened with my hockey stuff.

That stuff gets, like, pee-yew!

No! Hey! Wait! Oh, my God! Wait!

No!

Hey, stop, stop, please! Stop!

Stop!

Oh, my God! No! Oh, my God.

Oh, no! No!

Oh, shit!

Oh, no, please, stop it!

Ooh!

[crunching]

[heaving]

Why would you do this?

You need help, Jon.

So, that's how you help me?

You-- you throw away my gearing outfit?

Yes! What else was I supposed to do?

Jon-- oh, my gosh, I knew you wouldn't go to therapy, okay?

And then I was like, what do I do?

I'll get your outfit

that I can bring you back home with, okay?

And you know what? Blur my face again, all right?

[buzzer]Hold on a second.

Whatever happened to "with this gear, I thee wed"?

With this gear, I thee wed.

That's your language, Jon, not Leslie's.

What's going on here?

Why is our therapist here?

I'm here to help you, Jon.

Me too.

We're all here to help you, Jon.

You need help, Jon.

What's going on here?

We're having a gear-tervention.

A gear-tervention?

That's not even in the dictionary!

Leslie called me...

and I helped her organize it.

We're your friends.

Let us help you.

I don't need help.

I don't need anybody!

Jon, wait!No, no, let him go, let him go.

We just need to let things run their course.

I'm not back, okay?

It's cold out.

I want to change out of my slippers and into my boots.

I'm going to take my gear hat.

And I'm taking this because it provides extra warmth.

We know what ponchos do, Jon.Oh, yeah?

Well, this one's from the New York City Marathon!

Ran the 'Thon!

They don't just give these away-- you have to earn it!

Yeah, I know, I got one last year when I ran.

Also ran the 'Thon!

Then you know how warm it is!

Yeah, I do.

With these super cool pockets on the side,

I'll be really warm outside when I'm in the cold,

and I could be out there as long as I want,

which is gonna be a long time!

Marathon runner, running away!

[Jon] I can't believe all my friends

and family would betray me like that, Gear-i.

And calling it a "gear-tervention"?

Give me a break.

If I wasn't so mad maybe I would've found

it was a cool name, but I'm really pissed off,

I think it's stupid.

I don't know, Jon.

I think everyone is just trying to help.

If they were trying to help me, Gear-i,

they would've just gotten me more gear.

Or whatever, no big deal

'cause now I got this really cool excuse

just to get more sweet gear.

I'm sorry, sir, your card's been declined.

No, that's wrong, try it again.

I tried it three times.

Please just give me one sec, please.

Sure.All right, thank you.

Gear-i, would you call my wife, please?

Yes, Jon.

[call ringing through] Hello?

Hey, what's up, babe?

I'm at Paragon and I'm getting us all some new gear,

and they said my card was declined.

You know what's going on with that?

Of course it was.

Do you think I'm stupid enough to not cancel our cards

so you can't buy more crap?

You cancelled my card? Yeah, Jon.

You can't do that![dial tone]

Hello?

Hello?

You guys do payment plans?No.

I'm sorry, we don't do payment plans.

Can I trade you my, my running poncho for all this stuff?

We have to use the credit card.

Please, just this one time, please, please!

Could you just come here for a second, please?

You know IMDB?Yeah.

That's me.Um...

"Jon Glaser Loves Gear".

I'm Jon Glaser, that's the gear.

TruTV will reimburse you for everything times two.

I need this gear!

I'm sorry, not today.Oh, God!

[shivering] Oh, God.

Everywhere I went I saw gear.

But I couldn't have it, not even a little taste.

I had to do something.

Everyone else could have gear, why not me?

I wanted gear, I needed gear,

and I would do anything to get some gear.

Hey, man, I like your coat.Thanks, man.

It's cool, man.Thanks.

Is that flannel?It's wool.

It's wool?Wool, yeah.

Oh, I got one like that,

but mine has a different collar. You see, like, the fur ones?

You know what I'm talking about, where, like,

the collar part's fur?Yeah, yeah.

I like the pockets on that.Thanks, man.

Does it have a pocket right here?

Yeah, dude.Look at this, look at this pocket.

Yeah, man...Oh, sorry,

I just wanted to try the pocket.

Yeah, it's cool.I like, I like

a hand pocket, yeah.

Hey, man, I'll hook you up.

I'll suck your [bleep] if you let me try it on me?

Seriously?Please? Please?

Just...

♪Hey!

It's cool, man-- no, no, no, no, I'm just checking out,

I'm just checking out the bag.

Is that your bag?It's not my bag

but I'm just looking at it.

You see it's got a little bag on the side?

You see it's got a little bag?All right!

Please, let me look at his gear!

Stop moving!Just let me look at his--

where's the gear? I want to see it!

Stop resisting.All I want to do

is look at gear-- why can't you let me do that?

That's all I...

You see that bag? It's cool, right?

Look at how cool that is?Real cool.

You see there's a little bag on the big bag!

And the little bag comes off!

You could take the little bag off.

You guys got cool gear. Is that a bodycam?

Cool shots!

[hard rock music]

[gates rattling]

Pretty cool gear, right?

My hat-- how sweet is this thing?

This is, like, totally my style.

Whenever I get out of here I'm gonna ask if I could keep it.

[whispering] Ooh, check this out, man.

Some of the guys in here,

they showed me how to make a shiv out of my toothbrush--

check that out.

Isn't that cool?

So, what, my own wife didn't want to come

visit her hubsy in lockup? Is that it?

She's still upset, Jon.

I mean, I can't blame her.

Part of her didn't even want to post bail.

She thinks that maybe you staying in here

for a little while might do some good,

and I can't disagree.

But the fact of the matter is,

is you'll probably get killed within a week.

Maybe even if you were tough enough to hold your own in here,

which you're not, and it's not even close,

don't even think about it--

I ran the marathon, Steve.

Ran the 'Thon!

It's not even close.

It's funny when you think about

how this season has unfolded, you know?

Like, started off,

you were trying to survive out in the woods,

now here's me, trying to survive in prison.

It's pre-- it's pretty funny, isn't it?

[laughs]

Look, Jon...

Leslie'll take you back.

If I go back to her and tell her you're a changed man,

which I will, but you have to convince me first.

Spurt, I promise, I will never, ever

bring home extra gear that I do not need--

only if it is absolutely just super cool

and if I can find a place for it and if I can't find a place,

I'll take something out and I'll put that in, right?

It's...

All right, all right. No, no more gear.

No extra gear, no more gear. I-- I'm good.

Just get me out of here, man, please?

Please?

[whispering] I'll suck your [bleep], man.

You screw up one more time you're on your own.

I promise, I-- I'm gear-- I'm good.

And no more marathon talk.

No more 'Thon.

Okay, okay.

I'll see you soon.All right.

I did run it, it's impressive.

[no sound]

So, it's been a week.

How are things at home?

It's been a little strange.

Jon hasn't been his usual manipulative, annoying self

that I fell in love with.

Don't get me wrong, I mean,

neither is the guy who hoarded gear,

but I at least loved that Jon's passion for life,

which I now realize was just a passion for gear,

but I loved that exuberance.

It was never my intention

that Jon would miss his gear so much that he would end up

on the streets offering to suck a stranger's [bleep]

and stealing a backpack.

So, is there anything you'd like to say to him now?

You had mentioned to me

there was something you wanted to give him.

Jon, I'm not saying that you can go out

and buy a bunch of new gear--

that has to be done in moderation, but...

I can't believe I'm going to say this,

I want the old Jon back.

I want the Jon that loves gear back.

And I-- I, um, and I promise you...

this is not a prank like last time, but...

♪

[gasping]

Gear!A jai alai cesta.

Sweetie, thank you so much.

Gear...!

Jon, come on, we're gonna be late.

Just grabbing my helmet, hold on.

All right, Broadway here we come.

Ready for a night on the town.

Someone call GQ, right?

Are you really gonna wear that?

We're going to see a Broadway show.

Please, Jon, don't make me regret

letting the cameras come back in.

All right, there is nothing on the theater's website

that says no jai alai outfits.

Why would there be?Regardless,

I think I look totally acceptable for a theater.

My shirt is tucked in, I have a very elegant sash,

I have white shoes-- I think I look very presentable.

I'm talking about that thing on your hand.

Why do you even need to wear it?

Because it's part of the outfit, that's why,

and it's not a thing, it is a cesta,

and you should know that

because you're the one who bought it for me.

Okay, come on, let's just go.

How much do you want to bet that I don't look

like the biggest idiot at the theater tonight?

A million billion dollars.

Whatever, fine, let's just go.Okay.

I'll get the door because I am a gentleman.

Allow me.

Come on, Jon, we're gonna be late.

I got-- I practiced this morning

and I got it on the first try, just...

Okay, Jon, I'm sorry, I can't wait any longer,

let's go, come on.

All right, just give me a sec,

I want to turn the alarm on, okay?

Aren't you gonna wear a jacket?

No, I want people to see the whole outfit.Ugh.

Oh, shit, I set off the alarm![alarm blaring]

What's the disarm code?My birthday!

[mumbling]

August 13th?Seriously?

Ah, shit.

The police'll come and turn it off.

Let's go! Oh, [bleep].