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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,154
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,224 --> 00:00:11,802
♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,904 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,202
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:21,591
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,649 --> 00:00:23,216
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,842
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,918 --> 00:00:30,826
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
*Family Guy*
Season 16 Episode 09
Title: "Don't be a Dickens at Christmas"
10
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:34,718
♪♪
11
00:00:35,882 --> 00:00:37,130
All right, everyone.
12
00:00:37,197 --> 00:00:39,132
Because today is Christmas Eve...
13
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,241
♪ School's out... ♪
14
00:00:41,299 --> 00:00:43,218
Not yet, Griffin.
15
00:00:43,404 --> 00:00:45,311
I thought it might be a
nice treat to...
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00:00:45,371 --> 00:00:46,600
♪ School's out... ♪
17
00:00:46,658 --> 00:00:47,944
Griffin!
18
00:00:48,002 --> 00:00:49,037
Thank you.
19
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,431
To let everyone leave
a little bit earl...
20
00:00:51,489 --> 00:00:55,030
♪ School's out for ♪
21
00:00:55,186 --> 00:00:56,577
- ♪ Summer. ♪
- Christmas!
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Fine.
Everybody have a nice holiday.
23
00:00:59,552 --> 00:01:01,218
, teach.
24
00:01:01,421 --> 00:01:03,756
♪ Out forever ♪
25
00:01:06,493 --> 00:01:07,694
♪ School's been... ♪
26
00:01:07,765 --> 00:01:09,038
See you at the moon tower.
27
00:01:09,096 --> 00:01:10,378
You know it!
28
00:01:10,436 --> 00:01:12,335
Hey, Wooderson, see you
at the moon tower?
29
00:01:12,397 --> 00:01:15,186
Nah. I'm just gonna drive
around in my Lincoln.
30
00:01:15,244 --> 00:01:16,741
Weird people out.
31
00:01:16,888 --> 00:01:19,069
♪♪
32
00:01:19,172 --> 00:01:23,171
Bells on bobtail
ring, making spirits bright.
33
00:01:23,411 --> 00:01:26,179
Oh, what fun to laugh and sing
34
00:01:26,365 --> 00:01:29,140
a sleighing song tonight.
35
00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:33,917
Jingle bells. Jingle bells.
36
00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:35,686
Jingle all the way.
37
00:01:35,783 --> 00:01:37,944
Oh, what fun it is to ride
38
00:01:38,017 --> 00:01:40,288
in a Lincoln AKZ.
39
00:01:40,374 --> 00:01:42,261
The Family
Guy Christmas Special,
40
00:01:42,328 --> 00:01:43,724
brought to you by Lincoln.
41
00:01:43,782 --> 00:01:45,968
Lincoln. What are we doing?
42
00:01:53,294 --> 00:01:55,350
Oh, I love this time of year.
43
00:01:55,468 --> 00:01:58,058
You know, Chris, you and
your stillborn twin Tmas
44
00:01:58,116 --> 00:02:00,038
were named after Christmas.
45
00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:02,866
I see the kids put their
gifts under the tree.
46
00:02:03,007 --> 00:02:05,116
Brian, I don't think you've
put yours there yet.
47
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:07,577
Well, as we know, the true
spirit of the holiday
48
00:02:07,647 --> 00:02:08,968
is one of giving.
49
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,554
So, I've signed all of us
up to volunteer tomorrow
50
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,108
at a homeless shelter.
51
00:02:13,788 --> 00:02:14,920
That's your present.
52
00:02:14,987 --> 00:02:16,011
What?!
53
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,925
Last year, you wrote us
a freaking poem,
54
00:02:17,983 --> 00:02:19,089
and now this?!
55
00:02:19,171 --> 00:02:21,007
I thought the poem was
lovely.
56
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:22,201
Now, hold on.
57
00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:25,146
I think that's actually a
wonderful idea, Brian.
58
00:02:25,204 --> 00:02:26,411
It'll be good for the kids.
59
00:02:26,469 --> 00:02:28,877
Nothing reminds you more of
what you have than watching
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00:02:28,935 --> 00:02:31,479
a grown man poo right through
the split in his pants.
61
00:02:31,537 --> 00:02:34,396
Now, let's finish decorating
before your father gets home.
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00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:38,279
Okay. I'll put the Kanye
Canes in the stockings.
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00:02:38,427 --> 00:02:39,813
You know, it's just like,
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00:02:39,870 --> 00:02:42,708
you know, music and
fashion, all that...
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00:02:42,766 --> 00:02:44,326
You know I can't be stopped.
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00:02:44,386 --> 00:02:47,839
Whatever I do, you know,
I just want to be the best, because
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00:02:47,972 --> 00:02:49,597
the best is never enough.
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00:02:49,706 --> 00:02:51,027
Mark Zuckerberg promised
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00:02:51,085 --> 00:02:54,027
he'd give me $50 million,
fam, but then
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00:02:54,097 --> 00:02:55,722
he welched and I'm penniless.
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00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,321
♪ Kanye is the greatest ♪
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00:02:57,388 --> 00:02:58,637
♪ Kanye drops the latest ♪
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♪ There can be no debatest ♪
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00:03:00,275 --> 00:03:01,969
♪ And Kanye got the status. ♪
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00:03:02,089 --> 00:03:03,825
The Family
Guy Christmas Special,
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00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,430
brought to you by
anthropomorphic candy canes.
77
00:03:06,497 --> 00:03:08,922
Family Guy.
What are we doing?
78
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,774
Dad's car is coming!
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00:03:16,456 --> 00:03:17,904
He's coming fast.
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00:03:18,006 --> 00:03:19,492
He can't wait to see us.
81
00:03:19,654 --> 00:03:21,615
Get out of the road,
you idiots!
82
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:25,471
And he's headed right to the bar.
83
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,412
The Clam's on the other side
of town.
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00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,584
He went out of his way to do this.
85
00:03:34,029 --> 00:03:35,370
We now return to
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00:03:35,428 --> 00:03:37,061
"'Twas the Night Before Christmas,"
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00:03:37,139 --> 00:03:39,256
as read by Norm Macdonald.
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00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:41,639
"'Twas the night before Christmas..."
89
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:44,272
W-Wait, "'twas"? What's "'twas"?
90
00:03:44,404 --> 00:03:46,139
Is that short for "it was"?
91
00:03:46,264 --> 00:03:47,944
What kind of rush are you in, man,
92
00:03:48,022 --> 00:03:49,764
you can't just say "it was"?
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00:03:49,865 --> 00:03:52,311
Oh, you saved a lot
of time there, fella.
94
00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:55,079
Oh, don't come at me with
that "it was" stuff.
95
00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:56,615
I got things to do.
96
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,444
Got to get down to the donut shop.
97
00:03:58,576 --> 00:04:01,631
You know, two days ago,
I was at the donut shop, and I said,
98
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:04,584
"Hey, donut guy, you got
anything warm back there?"
99
00:04:04,654 --> 00:04:06,865
He says, "Try the fritters. They were."
100
00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:08,128
"They were"?
101
00:04:08,186 --> 00:04:10,404
What does that even mean,
"They were"?
102
00:04:10,537 --> 00:04:12,514
You must mean "'Twere"!
103
00:04:12,615 --> 00:04:14,873
The fritters "'Twere" warm.
104
00:04:15,145 --> 00:04:16,981
What's that? We're out of time?
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00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,112
Oh.
106
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,365
I'm fired?
107
00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:21,065
Hey, you know,
uh, O. J. Simpson
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00:04:21,131 --> 00:04:22,936
is a wife-beating murderer, right?
109
00:04:23,122 --> 00:04:24,428
Oh, right, was.
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00:04:24,587 --> 00:04:25,823
'Twas!
111
00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:27,459
Well, I got to get home.
112
00:04:27,569 --> 00:04:30,667
Every year, we gather round
and play "O Holy Night"
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00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:32,694
from our favorite holiday album,
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00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:36,381
A Very Slow Christmas with Peabo Bryson.
115
00:04:40,662 --> 00:04:44,393
♪ Oooo... ♪
116
00:04:57,090 --> 00:05:00,777
♪ Holy... ♪
117
00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,504
Well, I suppose I better
get out of here
118
00:05:02,562 --> 00:05:05,019
before that overenthusiastic
group of carolers
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00:05:05,081 --> 00:05:06,143
makes their way in here.
120
00:05:06,245 --> 00:05:07,438
♪ Have you heard the story ♪
121
00:05:07,505 --> 00:05:09,186
♪ That they're telling
'bout Bethlehem? ♪
122
00:05:09,253 --> 00:05:11,643
♪ Have you heard the story
of the Jesus child? ♪
123
00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,541
Aw, too late! Let's head
out the back!
124
00:05:13,659 --> 00:05:16,498
♪ How he came from heaven and
was born in a manger bed ♪
125
00:05:16,565 --> 00:05:18,786
- To the windows!
- ♪ Mary was his virgin mother ♪
126
00:05:18,853 --> 00:05:20,206
♪ Pure and mild ♪
127
00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:22,191
Oh, my God,
they got Quagmire!
128
00:05:22,258 --> 00:05:25,034
♪ Sing hallelujah,
sing hallelujah ♪
129
00:05:25,112 --> 00:05:28,213
♪ Worship the Jesus child and
praise his mother mild. ♪
130
00:05:30,862 --> 00:05:32,462
Coming
this holiday season,
131
00:05:32,554 --> 00:05:33,871
it's Star Blizzard!
132
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,370
Using laser technology
to shower your home
133
00:05:36,428 --> 00:05:38,393
in a blizzard of dazzling lights!
134
00:05:38,612 --> 00:05:41,291
So much easier than
stringing Christmas lights.
135
00:05:41,588 --> 00:05:44,651
I can light up my whole house
for just pennies a day.
136
00:05:44,963 --> 00:05:47,135
I looked into it,
and now I'm blind.
137
00:05:47,252 --> 00:05:49,030
Honey,
the house looks great!
138
00:05:49,088 --> 00:05:50,108
Who's there?
139
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:51,752
Hey, Frank, could you turn that off?
140
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,108
My cat's freaking out.
141
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:54,257
Who's that now?
142
00:05:54,315 --> 00:05:56,377
I don't know voices yet,
I'm new-blind.
143
00:05:56,435 --> 00:05:57,580
Star Blizzard.
144
00:05:57,641 --> 00:06:00,471
Happy holidays,
and just don't look into it.
145
00:06:01,245 --> 00:06:03,026
Oh, Peter, you're finally home.
146
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,405
Yup, just in time to
watch Patrick Swayze's
147
00:06:05,463 --> 00:06:06,827
Christmas in Wonderland.
148
00:06:06,885 --> 00:06:08,007
Well, before you sit down,
149
00:06:08,065 --> 00:06:09,728
I just need you to do a
couple things.
150
00:06:09,846 --> 00:06:11,702
Okay, first,
I need you to take down
151
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:12,960
last year's Christmas lights
152
00:06:13,018 --> 00:06:14,890
and put up
this year's Christmas lights.
153
00:06:14,948 --> 00:06:17,155
Then I need you to get the
eggnog cups out of the attic
154
00:06:17,213 --> 00:06:18,870
and bump your head on a low eave.
155
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,006
After that, take my
cousins to the airport
156
00:06:21,073 --> 00:06:22,604
and pick up my other cousins
157
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:24,713
at a different, farther away airport.
158
00:06:24,888 --> 00:06:26,638
Then shovel and salt the walk.
159
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,596
Then shovel and salt the driveway.
160
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,026
Then shovel and salt Mrs.
Whitaker's driveway.
161
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,237
She's 96 and has no one to help her.
162
00:06:33,323 --> 00:06:35,791
We need four netted bags
of cinnamon pinecones.
163
00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:39,034
Get the bags at Hobby Lobby
and the pinecones at Pier 1.
164
00:06:39,143 --> 00:06:42,120
Next, inflate the giant snowman
and put it on our front lawn.
165
00:06:42,252 --> 00:06:44,463
The pump's broken, so you'll
have to do it by mouth.
166
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,674
Then it's just laundry,
take out the trash,
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00:06:46,768 --> 00:06:48,651
and move the house a
little bit to the left.
168
00:06:48,971 --> 00:06:51,210
Ugh. Can I do some of that tomorrow?
169
00:06:51,299 --> 00:06:53,361
No, because tomorrow we're
going down to volunteer
170
00:06:53,428 --> 00:06:55,752
- at the homeless shelter.
- What time will you be back?
171
00:06:55,814 --> 00:06:57,034
You're coming with us.
172
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,424
What? What does that have
to do with Christmas?
173
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:01,424
Peter, it's a holiday of giving back.
174
00:07:01,526 --> 00:07:02,745
Yeah, but bums?
175
00:07:02,846 --> 00:07:05,120
What kind of presents would
they possibly have for us?
176
00:07:05,213 --> 00:07:07,476
Bags full of bags full of bags?
177
00:07:07,534 --> 00:07:08,916
You know what, Peter, I've had it.
178
00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:10,515
I'm tired of your selfishness.
179
00:07:10,573 --> 00:07:12,581
It's setting a bad example
for our children.
180
00:07:12,721 --> 00:07:14,049
Kids, get your coats!
181
00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:16,393
Oh, is this it? Is this the divorce?!
182
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:18,416
Coats? Where are you guys going?
183
00:07:18,518 --> 00:07:20,909
Every year, my parents
invite us to their house
184
00:07:20,971 --> 00:07:22,432
to enjoy Christmas in Newport.
185
00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:25,166
And every year, we don't go
because you don't want to.
186
00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:28,284
Well, this year, I am going and
the kids are coming with me.
187
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:29,624
Go ahead!
188
00:07:29,682 --> 00:07:31,081
I'm fine by myself!
189
00:07:31,174 --> 00:07:33,021
I'll just watch my Patrick Swayze movie
190
00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:34,901
and take a too-full bath.
191
00:07:37,729 --> 00:07:40,252
Aw, now I want to be on that side.
192
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,056
Well, that didn't work.
193
00:07:43,174 --> 00:07:45,166
Now to take a slidey-toilet-seat,
194
00:07:45,245 --> 00:07:46,862
soaking wet dump.
195
00:07:52,627 --> 00:07:54,592
Merry Christmas, kids.
196
00:07:54,745 --> 00:07:57,276
Merry Christmas in Wonderland!
197
00:07:57,413 --> 00:07:58,996
Aha, ha!
198
00:07:59,143 --> 00:08:01,370
I love you,
Patrick Swayze.
199
00:08:06,734 --> 00:08:09,995
♪♪
200
00:08:14,439 --> 00:08:16,098
Peter.
201
00:08:16,197 --> 00:08:18,908
Peter Griffin!
202
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:21,611
Hello?
203
00:08:21,725 --> 00:08:23,057
Santa?
204
00:08:24,423 --> 00:08:25,571
Santa?
205
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,135
You think Santa could fit into
a pair of 22-inch-waist jeans?
206
00:08:29,283 --> 00:08:30,822
Patrick Swayze?
207
00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:32,861
How is that even possible?
You're dead!
208
00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:34,322
Haven't you ever seen
Ghost?
209
00:08:34,478 --> 00:08:35,850
Peter, you're in trouble.
210
00:08:35,908 --> 00:08:37,200
So, I've come back to help you
211
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,291
recapture the true spirit of Christmas.
212
00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:42,107
- Ghost House.
- Road House.
213
00:08:42,174 --> 00:08:43,937
- Ghost Road.
- House House.
214
00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:45,182
Road Ghost.
215
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:51,072
♪♪
216
00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:53,557
The ghost of Patrick Swayze!
217
00:08:53,622 --> 00:08:54,635
I can't believe it!
218
00:08:54,693 --> 00:08:56,441
I just want to run through
your hair
219
00:08:56,499 --> 00:08:58,561
like a dog bouncing
in tall grass.
220
00:08:58,619 --> 00:08:59,991
Go ahead.
221
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:04,991
Yay!
222
00:09:09,318 --> 00:09:10,618
That was awesome!
223
00:09:10,722 --> 00:09:11,850
Hey, where are we?
224
00:09:11,925 --> 00:09:13,874
Peter, you've lost your
Christmas spirit,
225
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,428
so I'm taking you on a journey to
"Christmas Past" to find it.
226
00:09:17,631 --> 00:09:19,033
Oh, wow.
227
00:09:19,217 --> 00:09:22,011
Th-This is my old house from
when I was a little kid.
228
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:23,280
That's right, Peter.
229
00:09:23,338 --> 00:09:27,194
I've taken you all the way
back to the year 1970/80/90.
230
00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:29,014
I'll never forget that year,
231
00:09:29,072 --> 00:09:31,006
when
President Richard Reagan Clinton
232
00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:32,858
lied to the American people.
233
00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:36,444
Hey, hey, that's me!
234
00:09:36,502 --> 00:09:38,255
Look how skinny I am.
235
00:09:38,389 --> 00:09:40,491
Yay! It's Christmas!
236
00:09:40,584 --> 00:09:44,366
And I made your favorite, peanut
butter chocolate chip cookies.
237
00:09:44,424 --> 00:09:46,022
Wow, these are all for me?!
238
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,089
Of course, Petey.
It's Christmas,
239
00:09:48,147 --> 00:09:49,842
everything's for you.
240
00:09:49,993 --> 00:09:52,170
Yay!
Cookies at 7:00 a.m.!
241
00:09:52,228 --> 00:09:53,678
Thank you, careless parent!
242
00:09:53,736 --> 00:09:55,209
I'm gonna eat 'em and hum!
243
00:09:58,939 --> 00:10:01,030
See?
Look how happy I was.
244
00:10:01,124 --> 00:10:02,709
That's the Christmas spirit.
245
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,678
I haven't felt that in years.
246
00:10:04,762 --> 00:10:06,889
Yeah, looks like your mom
really went out of her way
247
00:10:06,947 --> 00:10:08,548
to make Christmas special
for you.
248
00:10:08,631 --> 00:10:09,904
She sure did.
249
00:10:10,225 --> 00:10:11,904
Oh, hey, look,
there's my friend Holden!
250
00:10:12,036 --> 00:10:13,693
Merry Christmas, Peter!
251
00:10:13,851 --> 00:10:15,326
He could still talk then.
252
00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:16,927
I wonder what happened to him.
253
00:10:17,018 --> 00:10:18,943
I gotta go! I gotta go!
254
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:22,538
Hold it in! Hold it in!
Hold it in!
255
00:10:24,639 --> 00:10:27,360
Hold it in! Hold it in!
256
00:10:27,435 --> 00:10:28,873
Hold it in!
257
00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:31,716
Hold in! Hold in!
258
00:10:31,888 --> 00:10:33,373
Holden.
259
00:10:33,568 --> 00:10:35,318
You died before Game of Thrones,
260
00:10:35,376 --> 00:10:37,502
but a-a lot of people
will like that.
261
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:42,524
What is this?
Are we still in the past?
262
00:10:42,582 --> 00:10:44,375
No, this is the present.
263
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:47,477
And I just want you to see
that not everyone in Quahog
264
00:10:47,535 --> 00:10:49,102
has lost the Christmas spirit.
265
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,188
Christmas!
266
00:10:50,246 --> 00:10:51,565
- What's this?!
- Coal!
267
00:10:51,623 --> 00:10:52,648
- Why?!
- Bad!
268
00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:53,998
Aw!
269
00:10:57,508 --> 00:10:59,031
Ho, ho, ho!
270
00:11:02,456 --> 00:11:04,281
Thank you, Santa!
271
00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,094
Daddy, you missed Santa.
272
00:11:07,179 --> 00:11:08,311
He was right here.
273
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:16,469
♪♪
274
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:28,641
♪♪ "Home Alone Theme...
275
00:11:28,846 --> 00:11:30,828
♪♪
276
00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:39,072
♪ Night... ♪
277
00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:47,490
Wow, no wonder I don't see
Cleveland until New Year's.
278
00:11:47,548 --> 00:11:48,829
At least they're together.
279
00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:51,579
Well, I know one family that
isn't together for Christmas.
280
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,684
That was a delicious meal,
Daddy.
281
00:11:59,774 --> 00:12:02,251
You all laughed when I
suggested Boston Market.
282
00:12:02,407 --> 00:12:03,892
Well, who's laughing now?
283
00:12:05,884 --> 00:12:07,011
I guess I am.
284
00:12:07,086 --> 00:12:09,035
All right, everyone,
grab your hot ciders
285
00:12:09,093 --> 00:12:10,649
and gather around
the speakerphone.
286
00:12:10,761 --> 00:12:14,376
It's time to call my grandmother,
Nana Pewterschmidt.
287
00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:35,520
What did she say?
288
00:12:35,587 --> 00:12:37,337
She wishes you
a Merry Christmas.
289
00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:38,837
That's not what she said.
290
00:12:38,895 --> 00:12:40,321
Time for figgy pudding!
291
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:42,269
Yay!
292
00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:44,781
Seems like they're having
a good time without you.
293
00:12:44,868 --> 00:12:46,428
Oh, they're just
pretending to have fun.
294
00:12:46,485 --> 00:12:47,509
I'm sure they miss me.
295
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,157
We should probably call Durd.
296
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:50,810
You mean Dad?
297
00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:52,931
No, the fat guy who sleeps with Mom.
298
00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:54,743
You guys talking 'bout Durd?
299
00:12:56,048 --> 00:12:57,661
More champagne, miss?
300
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,345
Miss? Oh, my!
301
00:12:59,787 --> 00:13:02,134
It's been a long time since
anybody's called me miss.
302
00:13:02,192 --> 00:13:04,761
Wow! Merry Christmas, huh?
303
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:07,470
Oh, Merry Chris-miss!
Ha!
304
00:13:08,899 --> 00:13:11,665
Oh, my God, she's doing
that flirty laugh she does.
305
00:13:11,766 --> 00:13:14,204
It's subtle, but when you've
been married as long as we have,
306
00:13:14,282 --> 00:13:15,493
you notice these things.
307
00:13:18,353 --> 00:13:19,743
You're very funny, Lance.
308
00:13:19,853 --> 00:13:21,767
You're a very handsome, funny man.
309
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,282
Now, let's see that penis!
310
00:13:23,399 --> 00:13:25,425
Yeah, see, again, if you
read between the lines,
311
00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:26,513
she's flirting.
312
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:28,376
Why, this isn't a merry
Christmas at all.
313
00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:30,368
I don't like anything
you're showing me, Pat...
314
00:13:30,426 --> 00:13:31,759
Oh, my God, they got Joe.
315
00:13:31,829 --> 00:13:33,273
♪ Have you heard the story ♪
316
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:35,048
♪ That they're telling
'bout Bethlehem? ♪
317
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:38,079
♪ Have you heard the story
of the Jesus child? ♪
318
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:43,672
♪♪
319
00:13:46,661 --> 00:13:49,463
You're not scaring me with
any of this, Patrick Swayze!
320
00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,062
And no matter
what you show me,
321
00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:53,684
there's no way my family
won't be right back here
322
00:13:53,762 --> 00:13:55,565
spending Christmas with me tomorrow!
323
00:13:58,751 --> 00:14:02,887
- ♪ Oh, my love. ♪
- Wha... Wh-Wh...
324
00:14:02,996 --> 00:14:04,094
What's happening?
325
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:06,510
I'm the Ghost of Christmas
Yet to Come.
326
00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:08,366
I'm shaping your future.
327
00:14:08,478 --> 00:14:10,061
And you will see...
328
00:14:10,991 --> 00:14:14,780
Oops. That's what happens when
I talk while I'm doing this.
329
00:14:15,553 --> 00:14:17,811
Is this how Jonah Hill was made?
330
00:14:20,999 --> 00:14:22,733
I can't believe our buddy's dead.
331
00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:26,567
I know. And it's so sad, he
left his family with nothing.
332
00:14:26,697 --> 00:14:29,491
Yeah, Lois had to sell
her clothes to get by.
333
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,928
I mean, I love having
this underwear, I just...
334
00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:33,967
I just don't love why I have it.
335
00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,827
God, it's so sad.
336
00:14:36,116 --> 00:14:38,308
Who's this poor Benjamin
that just died?
337
00:14:38,375 --> 00:14:40,053
Nobody ever said Benjamin.
338
00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:41,530
Poor, dead Benjamin.
339
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:43,046
All right, you're not getting it.
340
00:14:43,113 --> 00:14:45,202
Let me just take you
to your house.
341
00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:53,292
Boy, I love the holiday season
with my husband
342
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,493
who's right upstairs,
just out of frame.
343
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,748
Oh, am I coming down?
344
00:14:56,806 --> 00:14:58,381
Oh, please tell me I lost
the weight
345
00:14:58,446 --> 00:14:59,767
and kept it off this time.
346
00:14:59,853 --> 00:15:01,595
Merry Christmas!
347
00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:02,853
Who's that guy?
348
00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:05,043
That's Lois's new husband, Lance.
349
00:15:05,110 --> 00:15:06,267
Wow.
350
00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:08,700
I finally had the guts to leave her.
351
00:15:08,806 --> 00:15:10,078
Good for you, Peter.
352
00:15:10,164 --> 00:15:11,736
What about the kids?
How are they doing?
353
00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:13,071
See for yourself.
354
00:15:13,158 --> 00:15:15,853
All right, everybody,
I'm off to Colombia...
355
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:17,426
Chris got into Columbia?
356
00:15:17,493 --> 00:15:18,803
South America.
357
00:15:18,861 --> 00:15:20,693
Where I will attempt to
smuggle drugs
358
00:15:20,751 --> 00:15:22,962
back into the country
in my rectum.
359
00:15:23,158 --> 00:15:25,388
Aw, I knew there was some
kind of rug-pull coming.
360
00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:27,837
- And I'm off to Yale...
- The lock maker?
361
00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:30,978
The lock maker,
where I have a minimum wage job.
362
00:15:31,102 --> 00:15:33,303
All right, okay, yeah,
I'm-I'm getting ahead of these.
363
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,743
I'm going to Brown...
364
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:39,095
four boxes of Jimmy Dean pure
pork sausage for my breakfast.
365
00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:41,951
Well, I'm proud all my kids
got into Ivy League puns,
366
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,509
but what happened to Brian?
367
00:15:46,954 --> 00:15:49,092
Hey, what's Brian doing out
here in the graveyard?
368
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:50,775
He usually sleeps
at the foot of my bed.
369
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:52,306
He still does.
370
00:15:56,661 --> 00:15:58,096
Oh, my God!
371
00:15:58,251 --> 00:16:00,368
I'm dead? But how?
372
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,985
You died from a fire started
by your MILF-On-A-Shelf.
373
00:16:04,212 --> 00:16:06,334
Want to see some pictures
of my teenagers?
374
00:16:06,392 --> 00:16:07,717
No, Karen.
Look, I haven't
375
00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:08,787
watered
my Christmas tree
376
00:16:08,854 --> 00:16:10,423
for a few weeks now,
so could you watch
377
00:16:10,481 --> 00:16:12,079
your really long cigarette, please?
378
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:14,178
Did I tell you I went to
the mall with my daughter
379
00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:16,126
and an employee thought
we were sisters?
380
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:17,990
Yes, many times.
381
00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:19,686
I don't understand.
382
00:16:19,798 --> 00:16:21,915
Why didn't someone
in my family save me?
383
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,235
They went to Newport
because you wanted to be by yourself.
384
00:16:25,325 --> 00:16:26,630
Remember?
Looks like
385
00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:28,285
you got what you wanted.
386
00:16:28,516 --> 00:16:30,555
Oh, my God, look,
it's my ghost!
387
00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:31,774
Not exactly.
388
00:16:31,938 --> 00:16:33,672
Ugh, why do I smell so bad?
389
00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:36,164
- Because I'm a dog fart now.
- What? Why?
390
00:16:36,258 --> 00:16:38,564
Because that's what happens when
you lose your Christmas spirit.
391
00:16:38,621 --> 00:16:40,594
You spend all of eternity
as a dog fart.
392
00:16:40,688 --> 00:16:43,208
- Was this in the book?
- Yes, it was an obscure chapter
393
00:16:43,266 --> 00:16:46,333
written during Dickens' opium
and spoiled lamb phase.
394
00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:47,508
But how do I...
395
00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:49,141
Where'd... where'd he go?
396
00:16:49,235 --> 00:16:51,578
Don't worry,
Brian's a 13-year-old dog.
397
00:16:51,664 --> 00:16:53,401
You're around a lot.
398
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:56,333
Please, Peter,
don't lose your Christmas spirit.
399
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,867
It's disgusting in there.
400
00:16:58,008 --> 00:17:00,508
He eats garbage and his own poo.
401
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:03,129
Please, Peter,
don't lose your Christmas spirit.
402
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,313
This is no life for a person.
403
00:17:05,461 --> 00:17:07,883
Please, Peter,
he ate Lois's trash.
404
00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:09,789
There's tampons in there!
405
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,802
- Please, Peter.
- Keep your Christmas spirit.
406
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,875
- Please, Peter.
- This is no life for a person.
407
00:17:13,961 --> 00:17:15,946
- Please, Peter.
- I'm the tampon one.
408
00:17:16,032 --> 00:17:17,877
No! No!
409
00:17:18,016 --> 00:17:20,128
No!
410
00:17:20,422 --> 00:17:22,215
No, please, spirits, no.
411
00:17:22,282 --> 00:17:23,297
No!
412
00:17:23,383 --> 00:17:24,946
Wh-Where am I?
413
00:17:25,037 --> 00:17:26,420
What day is it?
414
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:31,063
All the porn girls I follow on
Instagram have Santa hats on.
415
00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:32,516
It must be Christmas!
416
00:17:32,602 --> 00:17:34,961
Merry Christmas,
P. O. V. Angie!
417
00:17:35,102 --> 00:17:37,378
Merry Christmas,
triple-X underscore
418
00:17:37,436 --> 00:17:39,433
Tara Kink underscore
triple-X!
419
00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:42,303
Merry Christmas to
all the thirst traps!
420
00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:46,319
♪♪
421
00:17:48,561 --> 00:17:49,698
Thanks, Grandpa.
422
00:17:49,756 --> 00:17:52,287
This Christmas is
perfect, isn't it, Mom?
423
00:17:52,358 --> 00:17:53,748
Almost, Meg.
424
00:17:53,912 --> 00:17:55,045
Almost.
425
00:17:55,147 --> 00:17:56,584
Yeah, it is,
426
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:59,522
except every time
Grandpa bends over to get a present,
427
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,139
his robe opens up.
428
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,818
Let's see,
I think this is for Chris.
429
00:18:04,748 --> 00:18:06,039
Good God!
430
00:18:06,099 --> 00:18:08,561
Looks like two eggs in
an old handkerchief.
431
00:18:08,701 --> 00:18:11,063
Merry Christmas,
everybody!
432
00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:12,449
- Peter!
- Durd!
433
00:18:12,516 --> 00:18:13,580
Dad!
434
00:18:13,638 --> 00:18:15,271
Oh, Peter, you did come.
435
00:18:15,357 --> 00:18:16,951
Yes, Lois, I'm here,
436
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,893
all loaded up with Christmas spirit
437
00:18:18,951 --> 00:18:21,927
and a sack full of hastily
bought gifts from the CVS.
438
00:18:22,037 --> 00:18:24,760
For Chris, a special
People magazine look-back
439
00:18:24,818 --> 00:18:26,969
at Robin Williams,
'cause he killed himself.
440
00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:29,620
Wow, look how thick
the cover is.
441
00:18:29,687 --> 00:18:31,573
It's almost like a real book!
442
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,341
For Stewie,
a two-dollar Styrofoam cooler.
443
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:36,779
Awesome!
I can probably fit 16...
444
00:18:36,943 --> 00:18:38,318
Oh, the top blew away.
445
00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:40,582
For Brian,
a Rhode Island sweatshirt
446
00:18:40,649 --> 00:18:43,404
with both "Rhode" and
"Island" misspelled!
447
00:18:44,138 --> 00:18:46,321
Wow, it hurts
when I put it on!
448
00:18:46,443 --> 00:18:48,131
And for my beloved wife,
449
00:18:48,272 --> 00:18:51,642
a lawn chair that was 80%
off because it's winter.
450
00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:54,857
Oh, Peter, I can't wait
to drink outside in this.
451
00:18:54,955 --> 00:18:58,774
And finally, for Meg,
a clock radio with an iPod jack
452
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:01,170
for the iPods
they don't make anymore.
453
00:19:01,356 --> 00:19:04,724
Dad, you've never bought
me anything before.
454
00:19:04,841 --> 00:19:06,556
Are you sure this is for me?
455
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,268
Of course, Meg, sweetie.
456
00:19:08,326 --> 00:19:10,912
It's Christmas, everything is for you.
457
00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:12,904
♪♪
458
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:14,950
I love you, Peter.
459
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:17,584
I love you, too,
Lois.
460
00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:20,573
And, Patrick Swayze,
thanks for helping me find
461
00:19:20,631 --> 00:19:22,152
the true spirit of Christmas.
462
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:24,226
I wish there was some way
I could repay you.
463
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:25,533
Who are you talking to?
464
00:19:25,591 --> 00:19:27,685
Well, actually, there's
one thing in heaven
465
00:19:27,779 --> 00:19:29,201
that Chris Farley won't do with me.
466
00:19:29,287 --> 00:19:31,677
I know exactly what
you're talking about.
467
00:19:31,841 --> 00:19:33,818
- Hit it!
- Hit what?
468
00:19:34,426 --> 00:19:37,504
♪♪ "Working for the weekend"
by Loverboy playing...
469
00:19:37,666 --> 00:19:39,506
♪♪
470
00:19:39,724 --> 00:19:42,411
♪ Everyone's watching ♪
471
00:19:42,591 --> 00:19:46,182
♪ To see what you will do ♪
472
00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:50,252
♪ Everyone's looking at you ♪
473
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:52,631
♪ Oh ♪
474
00:19:52,763 --> 00:19:56,682
♪ Everybody's working
for the weekend ♪
475
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,943
♪♪
476
00:19:59,341 --> 00:20:01,732
♪ Everybody wants a new... ♪
477
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:05,323
♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪
478
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,181
♪ For the weekend... ♪
479
00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:09,318
Mom, what's he doing?
480
00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:10,549
I don't know, Chris.
481
00:20:10,607 --> 00:20:12,107
Let-let's just keep opening presents.
482
00:20:12,174 --> 00:20:13,729
He'll tire himself out.
483
00:20:13,822 --> 00:20:14,869
Great idea.
484
00:20:14,953 --> 00:20:16,503
Here's one for Meg.
485
00:20:17,628 --> 00:20:19,530
And here's one for Stewie.
486
00:20:19,721 --> 00:20:21,884
And here's one for my
beautiful daughter.
487
00:20:21,951 --> 00:20:23,721
Sweetie, come help me with this.
488
00:20:29,473 --> 00:20:33,519
♪ Everybody's working for the weekend ♪
489
00:20:33,724 --> 00:20:35,944
♪♪
490
00:20:36,115 --> 00:20:39,715
♪ Everybody wants a new romance ♪
491
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,429
♪♪
492
00:20:42,811 --> 00:20:45,700
♪ Everybody's going off the deep end ♪
493
00:20:46,007 --> 00:20:49,059
♪♪
494
00:20:49,126 --> 00:20:52,218
♪ Everybody needs a second chance ♪
495
00:20:52,365 --> 00:20:56,919
♪ Ohhh!
You want a piece of my heart ♪
496
00:20:58,931 --> 00:21:02,634
♪♪
Subs Text Source : Addic7ed.com
497
00:21:03,352 --> 00:21:07,093
♪♪
498
00:21:11,134 --> 00:21:14,812
♪♪
499
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:28,054
♪♪
36099
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