Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,169
iously on
And you can shred
"Americayour Black Card.
2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,604
Mom's cutting you off.
You know what?
3
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,339
You can tell Mom to keep
her emotional blood money.
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,575
I'm getting a job here.
You're what?
5
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,576
You're hired.
6
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,211
[ Indistinct conversations ]
7
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,747
Huzzah for the tipper!
8
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,416
Look, I'm beyond sorry that what I did upset you.
9
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,018
Are you
on our honeymoon?
10
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,786
Oh, my God. Amanda.
You guys, it's Amanda.
11
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,688
Oh. Hi!
12
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,223
I just spoke to Brett.
13
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,026
How's rehab?
Morgan:
Lexi, she's not in rehab.
14
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,595
That's just what we're saying.
I know this is a weird time,
15
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,364
but are you reimbursing us for the bridesmaid dresses?
16
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,099
What? No.
17
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,735
[ Sobbing ]
18
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:39,071
How can you have
known me for one day
19
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,639
and be nicer to me
than the people
20
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,875
who were supposed to be
in my wedding?
21
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,611
The man who broke your heart
was back to rub your nose in it,
22
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,879
publicly?
23
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,882
He's such a dick.
Always was.
24
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:54,119
[ Water running ]
25
00:00:54,155 --> 00:01:02,594
26
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:11,136
27
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:15,007
[ Delilah moaning ]
[ Vibrator buzzing ]
28
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,509
[ Laughing ]
29
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:20,112
[ Banging ]
30
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:22,714
[ Moaning continues ]
31
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,853
[ Sighs ]
[ Buzzing stops ]
32
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,089
Morning.
33
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:35,494
[ Yawns ]
34
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:39,765
35
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:40,999
Ew.
36
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:43,168
[ Groans ]
37
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,503
[ Sighs ]
38
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:49,274
39
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,642
Huh?
40
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,512
[ Water running ]
41
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,487
Oh.
42
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,624
[ Groans ]
43
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,794
[ Maggie sobbing ]
44
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:15,200
45
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:23,709
46
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,210
Hi.
47
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:28,413
Uh, excuse me.
48
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,183
Do you think I could maybe
borrow some shampoo?
49
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,053
[ Water stops ]
50
00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:39,358
51
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,327
Ooh!
[ Gasps ] Excuse me.
52
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,531
Hey. Are you okay?
It sounded like you were --
53
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,166
Upset?
54
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,369
Yes. I saw a spider,
55
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:54,339
but it was washed down the drain
before I could rescue it.
56
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,674
Nature is a bitch.
57
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,442
Well, maybe when
the sun comes up,
58
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,344
it'll climb up
the spout again.
59
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,513
You're not supposed
to be in here.
60
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,416
I thought this was
a communal shower, like
at Camp Mischpocheh.
61
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,051
This is my private
shower time.
62
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,619
You can reserve
private shower time?
63
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,122
Where's the sign-up sheet?
There is no sign-up sheet.
64
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:13,792
There is seniority and time
spent and a position earned.
65
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,460
But I-I --
Out.
66
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,230
67
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,933
So, she's the queen
of the bathroom, too?
68
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,401
She's the queen
of everything.
69
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,236
Well, she sure ain't
the queen of waxing salon.
70
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,572
I just can't shake the visual
of her hair-ea.
71
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,140
I'm not saying everyone
should get a Brazil,
72
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,875
but they should at least
get out of Romania.
73
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,110
I once let my armpit hair grow
out to see if I could braid it.
74
00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:33,378
[ Chuckles ]
Could you?
75
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,414
I couldn't.
It kept curling up.
76
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,216
So, Maggie was mad?
She wasn't happy.
77
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,251
Oh. That's not good.
Why not?
78
00:03:39,286 --> 00:03:42,721
Because Maggie's approval
means everything.
79
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:45,757
It means better shower time.
It means more beer tickets.
80
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,759
Oh, and if she
really likes you,
81
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,729
she'll let you take a nap on
the sheepskin rug in her tent.
82
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,632
[ Sniffs, gasps ]
83
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,768
Honeysuckle.
Oats and grapefruit gobblers.
84
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,671
Oh, Fairemily breakfast.
85
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,807
Oh!
86
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,642
Sorry. So sorry.
87
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,077
Stick.
88
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,679
89
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,948
[ Exhales deeply ]
90
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:12,251
[ Tongue clicks ]
91
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,019
Oh, hey, Sugar Shack.
92
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:16,788
Hey.
Omelets. Awesome.
93
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,290
Are there onions?
94
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,825
And I'll have whatever cheese
you've got, but light.
95
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,294
Too much dairy is --
Well, you get it.
96
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,196
Yep. I got it.
97
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,431
Oh, leave that flame
so I get it.
98
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:30,369
We cook for ourselves with the
food we buy ourselves, princess.
99
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,604
That's "pub wench"
to you.
100
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,673
What, you only know how
to make reservations?
101
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,876
Rude and vaguely anti-Semitic.
How about this?
102
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,712
I will make a double-sized
cheddar-and-ham for myself,
103
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:42,481
and I'll give you
half on credit.
104
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,816
Thank you.
No ham in mine, though,
105
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:48,320
unless you can assure me that
the meat is sustainably farm--
106
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,988
Ham is fine.
Mm-hmm.
107
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:52,891
And I'm guessing that
there aren't any egg whites?
108
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:56,428
Got it, no. Cool.
It's co-- It's cool.
109
00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:01,566
Oh! Look at you
all dressed in clothes.
110
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:04,236
Amanda said you were
crying this morning.
111
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:07,472
[ Sighs ]
When I get sad,
I think about fish.
112
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,409
Don't focus on
the plastic they eat.
113
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:13,879
Think about
their adorable faces.
114
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:18,417
Ugh. I'm off to
Faire workshop.
You're going to that, too?
115
00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,919
Great. I was gonna
maybe stop by.
Ugh.
116
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:25,657
Uh, FYI --
Maggie teaches the workshop,
117
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,193
and it's mandatory for newbs.
Even for pub wenches?
118
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,995
We mainly just
pour beer and jiggle.
119
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,764
We like our peripheral employees
to stay consistent
120
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,700
with proper Elizabethan
dialect,
121
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,936
syntax, behavior
as best they can.
122
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,605
Peripheral?
Superfluous,
extraneous, nonessential.
123
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:44,676
I know what peripheral means.
Well, you should shine, then.
124
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,078
Do you sleep in that?
125
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,913
David:
Whoa, all garbed up?
126
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,348
I thought you were going
to a radio station.
127
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:52,718
Thanks.
I am.
To be on the radio.
128
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,687
I am representing the Faire
as William Shakespeare.
129
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:59,124
It's fun for
the disc jockeys.
130
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,860
[ Chuckles ] Well,
I love the school spirit.
131
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,296
You go knock 'em dead, son.
I shall.
132
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,265
You going
to Maggie's workshop?
133
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:10,068
Can't. Me and Shart are
gonna paper the town
with Ren Faire fliers,
134
00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:11,903
you know,
drum up the locals?
135
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:15,140
Radio gigs and fliers -- really
leaning into this Dark Ages
136
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,309
branding in every way.
You know, the Dark Ages
137
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,111
was actually a few
hundred years before the --
138
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,445
The Renaissance. I know.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
139
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,947
I was being nonliteral.
140
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:28,286
I'll be on the air
in 47 minutes...
141
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:30,422
in case you want to hear
how it's done.
142
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,260
[ Door closes ]
Shakespeare wore a smartwatch?
143
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:38,663
Eh, man was fastidious about
his 10,000 steps a day.
144
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,265
I do.
145
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,733
All: I do.
146
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:42,968
Thou dost.
147
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,236
Thou dost.
148
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,504
Huzzah!
149
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,139
Huzzah!
150
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,841
Now, I couldn't help
but overhear multiple examples
151
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,943
of dropped Elizabethan phrasing
last weekend.
152
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,414
Whether you are serving food
or fitting corsets,
153
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:59,584
you are part of one cohesive
show here, people -- our show.
154
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,820
For instance...
155
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,623
Hey, Natasha.
...it is not a smartphone,
it is a tiny, portable...
156
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,458
Did I miss anything?
No.
157
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:09,027
Just Elizabeth telling us
we suck at Elizabethan.
158
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:13,498
Good day, mistress.
How gracious of thee to join us.
159
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,767
Sorry. There was a crazy line
for the privies.
160
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,369
And who do I --
As I was saying,
161
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,604
I've noticed some slacking.
162
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,206
Ow.
For instance,
we are not selling turkey legs.
163
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,774
You okay?
Cramps.
164
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,509
Oh, I'm sure someone around here
has ibuprofen.
165
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,845
Oh, no, babe.
I don't do pills.
She doesn't do pills.
166
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,713
Hmm?
I'm saying,
"Natasha doesn't do pills."
167
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,148
That's right.
Yeah.
168
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,118
It is our responsibility
to live, breathe,
169
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,721
and speak British history.
Ooh.
170
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,723
I know a ton
about British history
171
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,492
and the East London
club scene.
172
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,695
Awesome.
As townsfolk of Shropshire,
173
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:45,297
seeing the Queen Elizabeth
in person
174
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,132
would be the greatest honor
you could ever have.
175
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:51,403
[ Coughs ]
And you must pay
the appropriate respect.
176
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:55,006
The only person I bow down to
in real life is Beyonc .
Slay.
177
00:07:55,042 --> 00:08:00,078
We show deference by kneeling,
by bowing, by curtsying.
178
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,913
Who's first?
Ooh!
179
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,249
Cardio Barre has me curtsying
like a boss.
180
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:09,187
Natasha, maker of the pockets
of pork, come forth.
181
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:10,856
Defer to your queen.
182
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,894
Ow.
183
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,230
[ Applause ]
Maggie: Most excellent.
184
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:22,701
Callie, nurturer of horses.
185
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:26,838
I mostly brush and ride,
but okay.
186
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:33,111
[ Applause ]
Lovely.
187
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,547
Very, very lithe.
188
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,685
Juan Andr s,
purveyor of fine flagons.
189
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,921
Hail and well met,
Your Majesty.
190
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,890
What the fo--
191
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,525
[ Laughter ]
192
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,228
One punch takes out
the both of you. One.
193
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,466
[ Sighs ]
194
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:57,702
Okay, you. Beguile us.
195
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,804
Actually,
I was thinking --
Oh, f--
196
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,474
You know how the queen would
literally never cross paths
197
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,276
with a pub wench
in an open-air bar
198
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,145
where they serve cocktails like
"Gimlet, Prince of Denmark"?
199
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:10,048
So how fun would it be if,
instead,
200
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,583
one of
the queen's guards,
201
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:14,786
or whatever, fell in love
with the pub wench
202
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:18,490
and he invited her to serve
the queen at her throne?
203
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:21,393
Fun, right?
Oh, and...
204
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,330
Like a palsied seal.
205
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,766
Moving on.
W-Wait.
What about my idea?
206
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:30,268
Let's stick with the scenarios
we already do, all right?
207
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:31,937
I pass.
You lower yourself.
208
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,638
We give our guests
the immersive experience
209
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,273
of a queen and her queendom.
210
00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,175
But --
Shh. That's enough.
211
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,410
Sit.
212
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,114
Damn, girl.
You sassed Beyonc .
Moving on. Who else?
213
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:46,151
Lord Mason,
prostrate thyself.
214
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,353
Did she say "prostate"?
[ Both chuckle ]
215
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,621
Mason, bow!
216
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:55,493
217
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,262
Bravo.
218
00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,599
And that's how we do it.
219
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:03,134
Pbht!
220
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:08,373
Drew sleep out of mine eyes,
blood from my cheeks,
221
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,142
musings into my mind,
222
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:14,012
and finding little comfort
to relieve them.
223
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,047
[ Snoring ]
Uh-oh. She's out.
224
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,949
[ Both laugh ]
225
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,519
I thought it princely charity
to grieve them.
226
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:24,789
[ Heavy metal version
of "Greensleeves" plays ]
Whoa!
227
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,725
Ooh!
Ah!
228
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,159
More cowbell!
229
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,961
[ Rim shot ]
[ Laughter ]
230
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,797
Oh, man.
Good radio. Well done.
231
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,666
Yeah, that rhymes.
232
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:39,137
Oh, for all of you who think
you accidentally tuned to NPR,
233
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,806
it's worse than that --
We're talking the Ren Faire.
234
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,409
Ooh!
No offense,
Mr. Shakespeare, Bill,
235
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,212
if I may, Billy, uh,
but that was boring.
236
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,414
That was really, really boring.
Am I right?
237
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,484
I mean, that was more boring
than a one-woman improv show.
238
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,686
Excuse me. I did improv.
Yeah, and then I --
239
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,389
I rescued you from that,
and now you do radio.
240
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:00,158
Your poem made me
dry down thur.
241
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,028
[ Laughs ]
Whoa! No.
You did not just go thur.
242
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,597
Love you, mean it.
[ As Borat ]
She's my sister.
243
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:08,433
She's number-four prostitute
in all of Kazakhstan.
244
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,734
Nice.
245
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,369
[ Laughter ]
246
00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:14,272
Um, actually,
i-it's not a poem.
247
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,941
It's a scene from
"Pericles, Prince of Tyre,"
248
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,743
who flees Antioch --
249
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,545
[ Music resumes ]
Whoo!
250
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,547
[ Laughs ]
251
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:24,215
Oh!
252
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,451
Ooh, uh,
quick question.
253
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:30,021
On a serious note, does Pericles
have both of his testicl-ees,
254
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,624
or is that a different
"Shakespeare story"?
255
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,192
Great question.
Uh...
256
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,261
He has two balls
or not two balls?
257
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,797
[ Laughs ]
That is the castration.
258
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,632
I-I-I don't believe --
259
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,534
[ As Vito Corleone ] I'm gonna
make an offer he can't refuse.
260
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,602
[ Laughter ]
261
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:46,104
He is killing me today.
262
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,439
Was that
"The Godfather"?
263
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,074
How you hung down there,
Willy?
Ooh.
264
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,742
[ As Austin Powers ]
Yeah, baby.
265
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:53,078
Uh, I-I-I'm sorry.
I-I-I don't know.
266
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,612
T-T-That's actually
a good question
267
00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:56,281
because anybody that dresses
like that
268
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,316
has got to be pretty confident
in other areas, right?
269
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,285
Ooh.
Careful there, Bacon.
270
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,253
You're makin'
my tinklebox sizzle.
271
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:06,257
Oh, snap, Chode.
She said "sizzle."
272
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,993
[ Sizzling ]
Oh, Schnapps shots.
273
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,396
All: [ Chanting ] Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
274
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,065
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
275
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,834
Schnapps.
It's 9:52 in the morning.
276
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,402
It is somewhere, right?
277
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,070
[ As John Kimble ]
Stop whining. Stop whining.
278
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,905
Who knew Shakespeare
was so uptight, huh?
279
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,407
Maybe it's his tights.
280
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,442
They're squeezin'
on those testicl-ees.
281
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,011
[ Laughter ]
His testi--
Are the tights tight?
282
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:29,514
On your -- On your balls.
Boo-yah!
283
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,083
Mmm! All right.
Let's take some calls.
284
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,319
No one from nowhere,
you're not on the line.
285
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,855
We've lost all of our listeners.
They're all gone.
286
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,958
[ Laughter ]
287
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:44,763
All: Sister, help
to trim the sails
288
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:50,835
Hallelujah
289
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,838
[ Cheers and applause ]
290
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,307
Ah! [ Laughs ]
291
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,543
[ Laughter ]
292
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,645
I'm okay!
293
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,849
[ Laughing ]
Whoo! Oh, my hero.
294
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,152
It's a hot dog
on a stick.
295
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:10,488
Get it? Stick?
296
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,657
It's a veggie dog.
297
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,059
Meat is murder.
298
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,661
You talk?
299
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:19,664
You've heard me talk.
I've heard you say "stick."
300
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,500
I mean, everyone here
does such amazing things.
301
00:13:22,536 --> 00:13:24,469
What's with
the stick shtick?
302
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,672
[ Indistinct conversations ]
303
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,813
Oh! Wha?
304
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,415
You should do
more of that.
305
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,551
First I must master
the stick.
306
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:43,221
Hey, man. You got any more
of that oregano oil?
307
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,057
When I can't hit the high C,
I know I got a cold coming on.
308
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,358
Totes.
Yeah.
309
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,831
Milady.
310
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,666
My debt to you
is growing.
311
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,901
Aye, tell me more.
312
00:13:56,937 --> 00:14:01,406
Oh. Mmm.
I needed this.
313
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,676
I mean, I don't need it.
It's...
Mm-hmm.
314
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,177
...just refreshing.
315
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,079
Uh-huh.
316
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,547
Stick can talk.
317
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:12,717
You've heard him talk.
I -- But...
318
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,386
Never mind.
319
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,689
Where's Callie?
320
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,624
Oh, she's teaching
G-Spot Awareness
321
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,594
to Shart's wife
and a couple other gals.
322
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,729
You're a lucky man.
323
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,431
Yeah, it's 'cause I never
walk under ladders.
324
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:31,769
Maggie hates me.
325
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,806
No. She just hates
all the things you do and say.
326
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:38,009
The normal response would be,
"No, she doesn't."
327
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,313
I just don't get it.
People always like me.
328
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,883
I have the most-watched
Insta stories of all my friends.
329
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,819
[ Chuckles ]
What?
330
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:52,757
Uh, you do tend to --
to "No, but" a lot.
331
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,627
This is more of a-a
"Yes, and" kind of place.
332
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,328
No, I don't.
But I --
333
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,997
Right.
334
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,999
Wait. What?
335
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,934
You're in
Maggie's house.
336
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,169
You just gotta take
your shoes off at the door.
337
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,472
Even if they
make the outfit?
338
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,108
What, so I'm just supposed
to kiss her ass?
339
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:13,244
Just play along, like what
we do in the faireground.
340
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,079
I don't know
what you're talking about.
341
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,482
Ah, okay. Okay.
342
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,850
My sweet lady.
343
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,318
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
344
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,420
[ All cheer ]
I love this part.
345
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,655
Do it. Do it. Do it.
346
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,256
Thou art a vision.
347
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,025
Um, okay.
348
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,459
When last I did see thee,
349
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:31,596
ye were portly
and covered in warts...
350
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,865
and hairs.
[ Chuckling ] Oh!
351
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,534
And thy stench was...whoa.
352
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,671
[ Laughter ]
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
353
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:40,939
Uh...
354
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,941
But now...
[ Laughs ]
355
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:46,844
...I see thee hast
transformed...
356
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,981
into a most beauteous
and wondrous creature.
357
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:55,887
Thy tresses,
thy lips, thy cheeks --
358
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,656
ye must have paid
a great wizard quite a price
359
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:01,526
for such a strong spell
of boundless beauty.
360
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,697
Man: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
361
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,799
Got it.
Oh, wow.
362
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,834
That was thick.
363
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,169
Ah!
364
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,905
[ All cheering ]
365
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,707
All right.
Bravo!
366
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,675
If I said
any of that to Maggie,
367
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:19,310
she'd think I was
hitting on her,
368
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,145
and she's not
really my type.
Eh.
369
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,814
I mean,
there was this one time
370
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,749
that I kissed my friend
Lexi after prom, but --
371
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,050
Boy, do I want
to hear this story,
372
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,319
but let's just
focus on this.
373
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,923
Um, what's the first thing
that you think of
374
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,257
when you look at me?
375
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,826
Your body.
Your body.
376
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,662
[ Laughter ]
All right.
All right. Okay.
377
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,198
Man: It is.
All right.
Well, uh, let's try that.
378
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,533
Try your body?
Yes.
379
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,736
Try to endow my body.
Oh.
380
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,771
Endow it? But -- Well,
how specific do I have to be?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
381
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,674
I am waiting.
Okay. Okay. Geez.
382
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,343
[ All "Oohing" ]
383
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,245
[ Man trills tongue ]
384
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,847
Okay. Okay. Okay.
385
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,749
Use your hands.
386
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,617
Uh...
387
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,519
Put your whole body
into it.
388
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,754
Woo me.
389
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,088
[ Laughs ]
390
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,456
Thy...
391
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,225
Louder!
392
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:12,363
Wouldst that I were the sun
glistening upon thy back?
393
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,766
Ah.
Ooh!
394
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,801
[ Chatter intensifies ]
395
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,803
[ Laughter ]
396
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:24,475
But not for too long
because...melanoma?
397
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,144
[ Laughter ]
It's a strong start.
398
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,579
Okay. All right.
Pbht!
399
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,581
It's the first go.
Strong -- Strong start.
400
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,083
In sooth?
No.
401
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,751
Oh.
Man: Boo.
402
00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:35,653
It -- It fell off there
at the end.
403
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,622
How about Tulum?
404
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,224
There was just a mass murder
there, so it'll be dirt cheap.
405
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,893
Are you scrolling
through resort porn
406
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,261
to take your mind
off Colin,
407
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,729
or are we actually
going on this trip?
408
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:48,066
Because if we are,
it's Dusseldorf or bust.
409
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,269
Colin has been blocked
and deleted.
410
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,240
Are we elitist?
Oh, God, yes.
411
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,076
It's one of the things
I love about us.
412
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,612
No. I-I mean in...
an insufferable way.
413
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,147
Blue cheese olive?
414
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,650
One blue cheese
and one regular on the side.
415
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,852
And being elitist
isn't a bad thing.
416
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:09,187
Societies need
a pecking order.
417
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,988
Otherwise, we'd peck
each other to death.
418
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:12,957
[ Cheering in distance ]
419
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,293
Ugh, fools.
420
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,162
Man: Hey.
Someone help her.
Should we go out there?
421
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,064
Why?
422
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,167
Maybe we're missing out.
423
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,036
Have you been using
the weighted blanket
424
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,838
I bought you
with that podcast code?
425
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,474
Could be fun.
Oh, we have fun.
426
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,042
Remember when we drank
fuzzy navels
427
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:33,111
and watched
"Call Me By Your Name"?
428
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,446
Yeah.
Hmm.
429
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,950
[ Sighs ]
Those idiot deejays today
430
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,787
made me feel like I was back
in a high-school locker room.
431
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:46,124
"Oh. There's Brian,
the Pillsbury Doughboy."
432
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,192
I liked
the testicl-ees joke.
433
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,461
[ Chuckles ]
434
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,563
You know, I once
got locked overnight
435
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,632
in my high school's
equipment shed
436
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,634
after hiding there
during P.E.
437
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,403
I detest sheds.
It was terrifying.
438
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,672
But I did finish
"The Canterbury Tales."
439
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:02,874
I had a penlight.
440
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,510
Oh, "Canterbury Tales,"
441
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,912
the original
"Fifty Shades."
442
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,313
[ Scoffs ] And I have another
promo tomorrow.
443
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,915
It's all
I can think about.
444
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:14,418
The original "Fifty Shades."
That's funny. [ Chuckles ]
445
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:18,222
Ugh. Why didn't you tell me
I had lipstick on my teeth?
446
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,827
I'm going out there.
447
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,930
Is that a poppy seed?
448
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:31,402
Thy sensational smile doth shine
upon thy heaving bosoms...
Oh!
449
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:33,604
Oh, my.
...just as said bosoms
450
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,575
do sit like clouds
for angels' bottoms.
451
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:41,078
Oh, Pizzle.
Oh, I'm gonna write that down.
452
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:43,247
Did you mean both bosoms
or just the left one?
453
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,849
I mean, 'cause
it's the crowd favorite.
454
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,184
Lefty Louie.
455
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:48,286
[ Chuckles ]
456
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,389
Well done, Master Pizzle.
[ Chuckles ]
457
00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,197
Oh, light teal --
too risky.
458
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:04,802
So, what's going on here
with you...guys?
459
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,772
David's teaching me how to be
performatively nice to people.
460
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,473
Yeah.
Hey, uh, do me next.
461
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:13,978
Oh! Thy most bountiful
and glorious belly.
Ah!
462
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:17,114
[ Laughter ]
How many weeks before
we may expect little Shart?
463
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,750
Yeah, third trimester, y'all.
Oh, my God!
464
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:21,252
Congratulations.
465
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,387
I can feel him kicking.
[ Laughter ]
466
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,157
Now, what you got
for Maggie?
467
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,060
N-Nothing that reminds
you of your high-school
girly-girly action.
468
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,428
Delilah: Ooh.
[ Laughs ]
469
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,996
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What is it? What is it?
470
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,565
No, no, no. I can't say.
It's too embarrassing.
471
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,135
What, like Shart's gut?
Hey! That's my baby
you're talking about!
472
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:41,272
Just take the embarrassing...
and make it good.
473
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:42,974
This can't be made good.
Come on.
474
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,675
I'm sure it can.
Come on. Come on.
475
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:47,345
Come on.
Say it. Say it.
476
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,748
All: [ Chanting ] Say it.
Say it. Say it. Say it.
477
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:53,851
I saw her bush!
[ Laughter ]
478
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,188
I'm so proud of you!
479
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:59,690
David: That's not
what I expected.
480
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:03,761
And...it...was...huge!
481
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,763
[ Laughter ]
482
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:10,001
Dude.
I like a jungle.
I'm Tarzan.
483
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:11,469
[ Laughter ]
484
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:14,805
Hear me now, good gentles.
485
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:18,209
'Twas a lush
and glorious bush.
486
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:22,280
'Twas the most radiant
shrubbery...
[ All clearing throats ]
487
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:24,582
...I have ever laid eyes upon!
488
00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:27,885
Oh, don't leg.
489
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,588
Just need a bit of ice.
490
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:35,259
[ Ice rattling ]
491
00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:42,500
[ Stifled laughter ]
492
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,004
[ Lid closes ]
493
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,073
Ahh. I'll be up for a little
while longer.
494
00:21:49,108 --> 00:21:51,242
We could make
fuzzy navels.
495
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:52,710
Fuzzy.
496
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,579
[ Laughter ]
497
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:58,716
Enjoy your evening.
498
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,085
God save the queen.
499
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:05,222
All:
God save the queen!
500
00:22:05,258 --> 00:22:07,058
God shave the queen.
501
00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:11,362
[ Laughter ]
502
00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:13,998
Delilah: Oh, no.
503
00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:22,573
504
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:30,114
Delilah, Amanda together
Um...
It means that you
really took some timeh.
505
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:31,816
to make this extra great.
I think Maggie is
506
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,952
more of a traditionalist.
Oh. Whatever you think.
507
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:37,421
I've never "Real Housewived"
the shit out of anyone before.
508
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:39,123
Well, I've never used
fruit cocktail juice
509
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:41,559
to make mimosas before,
so there you go.
510
00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,661
Can't believe you're
a "Housewives" fan.
511
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,963
It's like when the one
with the pointy nose
512
00:22:45,998 --> 00:22:48,065
offended
the super-skinny one
513
00:22:48,101 --> 00:22:50,134
at the charity auction
for blind cats,
514
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,403
but then she took her
out to brunch,
515
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:54,138
and everything
was great.
516
00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:56,807
I think I'm getting
the hang of this place.
517
00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:58,676
I traded compliments
for the muffins
518
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:00,444
and a hand massage
for the eggs.
519
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,647
Oh, grasshopper.
You're learning so well.
520
00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:06,150
She's coming.
It's happening. Okay, all right.
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
521
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,423
Mimosa?
522
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:15,092
[ Sighs ]
523
00:23:15,128 --> 00:23:17,294
Thanks so much
for meeting me.
I didn't meet you.
524
00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:18,963
You're standing
in front of my tent.
525
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,431
I love your culottes.
526
00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:22,500
They're not culottes.
527
00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:24,435
They're jorts.
Why are you here?
528
00:23:24,470 --> 00:23:26,704
Actually, jorts are made
from denim
529
00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,440
and usually from old jeans.
Why are you here?
530
00:23:29,475 --> 00:23:31,942
I was hoping
maybe we could...
531
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:36,013
...melt the ice a little
over brunch.
532
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:37,681
Cheers.
533
00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,953
Oh, wait. We didn't make
eye contact. It's bad luck.
534
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,288
Let's --
Let's do it again.
535
00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:46,791
Cheers. Okay.
536
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:50,361
Can we get to the ice-melting?
I have plucking to do.
537
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:54,899
Delilah tells me you're
one of this Faire's OGs.
538
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,834
OGs?
539
00:23:56,869 --> 00:24:00,070
Original gangster.
That's the actual meaning.
540
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:02,173
I was going for the figurative
meaning, you know,
541
00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,009
founding father, or mother,
in this case.
542
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:07,578
You are the shot-caller --
543
00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:12,149
who lives, who dies,
who gets exiled.
544
00:24:12,185 --> 00:24:16,720
Oh, we are not in the habit
of exiling...anyone.
545
00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:19,356
I love how you use
the royal "we."
546
00:24:19,392 --> 00:24:22,493
It's --
It's so authentic,
547
00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:25,563
like so much of this place,
really hands-on.
548
00:24:25,598 --> 00:24:27,665
Granted, sometimes,
those hands are on my ass,
549
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:30,267
but that's part
of the authenticity, right?
550
00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:36,240
I wanted to ask,
how do you decide what's okay?
551
00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:40,377
And as the queen, are you
actually the decision-maker,
552
00:24:40,413 --> 00:24:42,746
like the Great
and Powerful Oz?
553
00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:44,915
I think if we
put our heads together,
554
00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:46,684
we could really codify
what's appropriate
555
00:24:46,719 --> 00:24:48,719
and what's not,
you know?
556
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,187
Right, right.
557
00:24:50,223 --> 00:24:52,857
Let me guess.
558
00:24:52,892 --> 00:24:57,094
Mama Klein was supercritical
of little Amanda.
559
00:24:57,129 --> 00:25:02,199
Uh, she's actually
a-a-a Lyons n-now.
560
00:25:02,235 --> 00:25:04,635
Klein was my father,
but then he --
And judging by your love
of the bottle,
561
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,737
she's probably
also an alcoholic.
562
00:25:06,772 --> 00:25:09,573
[ Scoffs ]
Nothing is ever right,
is it?
563
00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:12,076
Is she still trying to envision
your ears pinned back?
564
00:25:12,111 --> 00:25:15,112
Did she lament the backhand
you never mastered?
565
00:25:15,147 --> 00:25:18,549
My backhand happens to be
very powerful and elegant.
566
00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:22,286
And for your information,
my mother --
No. I don't really care,
sweetie.
567
00:25:22,321 --> 00:25:23,988
Thank you
for cleaning this up.
568
00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,990
569
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:27,925
You think you're so insightful,
don't you?
570
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,761
Well, I'll have you know,
my mother is not an alcoholic.
571
00:25:30,796 --> 00:25:34,298
She's a pillhead and only
because they overprescribed her
572
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,501
after she got
her eyelids done, so...
573
00:25:37,537 --> 00:25:41,238
574
00:25:41,274 --> 00:25:44,174
Damn it. [ Sighs ]
575
00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:47,278
Don't you want to change
into your Pizzle clothes
576
00:25:47,313 --> 00:25:48,812
before we get there?
Nah, man.
577
00:25:48,848 --> 00:25:50,447
I'll just strip down
in the car.
578
00:25:50,483 --> 00:25:52,616
Don't want to
get it wrinkled.
579
00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:55,019
Thank you, again,
for coming with me today.
580
00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:58,422
I always work better
with someone to bounce off of.
581
00:25:58,457 --> 00:25:59,990
No prob.
I got you.
582
00:26:00,026 --> 00:26:02,526
I've written out some improv
for us
583
00:26:02,562 --> 00:26:05,829
if you want to study that.
584
00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:09,300
Um, I thought that...
585
00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:12,636
we'd just stay loose out there,
you know?
586
00:26:12,672 --> 00:26:16,040
Keep Shakespeare from...
What?
587
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:19,710
...you know...
boring people.
588
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,679
Excuse me?
589
00:26:21,714 --> 00:26:24,648
I mean, dude, on the radio,
the lady...
590
00:26:24,684 --> 00:26:27,051
said you made her dry.
591
00:26:27,086 --> 00:26:28,886
[ Scoffs ]
592
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:31,055
Like I care about
dusty vaginas.
593
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,624
Hey, man.
Shakespeare was for the masses.
594
00:26:33,659 --> 00:26:36,727
Why always go highbrow
when he was also the master
of a dirty joke, right?
595
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:39,063
Well, we know that,
but most people don't.
596
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:41,565
Come on.
Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.
597
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:44,368
Just, like, try going low.
598
00:26:44,403 --> 00:26:47,004
Here. Start with this.
599
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,173
There's got to be E. coli
in the salads at Greasy Buns.
600
00:26:49,208 --> 00:26:51,141
[ Chewing ]
601
00:26:51,177 --> 00:26:52,743
[ Scoffs ]
602
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,345
[ Sighs deeply ]
603
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:59,717
Hmm. Well-seasoned.
604
00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:01,352
Attaboy.
605
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:04,755
Hey, Robin Hood,
what's that dick pouch for?
606
00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:07,057
607
00:27:07,093 --> 00:27:08,759
It's a codpiece.
608
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:11,562
609
00:27:11,597 --> 00:27:14,598
Or a pouch.
610
00:27:14,634 --> 00:27:16,834
[ Sighs ]
611
00:27:16,869 --> 00:27:18,836
For dicks.
612
00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:19,870
[ Chuckles ]
613
00:27:19,905 --> 00:27:21,171
Funny.
614
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:24,675
Happy now?
I am. Thank you.
615
00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:31,281
Can I open my eyes yet?
616
00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:33,951
Yes, you can.
Groceries.
617
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,586
It's like when the one
with the lips
618
00:27:35,621 --> 00:27:37,821
took the other one with the lips
shopping to cheer her up.
619
00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:40,157
Now you're speaking
my love language.
620
00:27:40,192 --> 00:27:43,260
Come. They have almond oil.
It makes the best lube.
621
00:27:43,295 --> 00:27:45,095
Hey, there's David.
Oh!
622
00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:47,297
Watch me eat mud for money.
623
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,600
Ah! Hey-ho, friends.
624
00:27:49,635 --> 00:27:51,301
Good day, gentles.
625
00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:53,203
Allo, sweet lasses.
626
00:27:53,239 --> 00:27:54,838
Hear ye, come forth.
627
00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:56,840
You there,
628
00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:59,143
come forth
to the Royal Renaissance Faire
629
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,712
for Shakespeare and history!
630
00:28:01,747 --> 00:28:04,715
A little aggro, yes?
Yeah.
We're working on the fun.
631
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:06,316
Hmm. Good luck with that.
Mm-hmm.
632
00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:09,153
I'm really feeling
my motivation.
633
00:28:09,188 --> 00:28:11,321
Yes.
Everyone's feeling it.
You, sir!
634
00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:13,157
You look like
you need a sonnet.
635
00:28:13,192 --> 00:28:15,059
It's all local
and homemade.
636
00:28:15,094 --> 00:28:16,794
Hey.
Hey, Delilah.
637
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:19,463
Hey, friend.
Got those, uh,
AA batteries
638
00:28:19,498 --> 00:28:20,964
you're always
runnin' low on.
639
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,232
Yay!
Excuse me.
640
00:28:22,268 --> 00:28:23,967
Do you have
any K rastase products?
641
00:28:24,003 --> 00:28:25,936
Davines, even John Paul Mitchell
will do.
642
00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:30,641
For hair.
Oh. Yeah. Hair stuff's
all right over there.
643
00:28:30,676 --> 00:28:33,477
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
644
00:28:33,512 --> 00:28:35,412
Have you ever had
peanut brittle?
No.
It sounds disgusting.
645
00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:37,514
Oh, it'll break your teeth,
but it'll change your life.
646
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:40,084
Ooh, coconut oil?
647
00:28:40,119 --> 00:28:43,253
Lavender? Tea tree oil?
Mm-hmm.
648
00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:45,422
[ Sniffs ] Mmm!
649
00:28:45,458 --> 00:28:47,825
Smells like
Sally Hershberger.
Oh!
650
00:28:47,860 --> 00:28:49,927
Mmm!
You know your
friend's hair smell?
651
00:28:49,962 --> 00:28:51,595
What's mine?
[ Sniffs ]
652
00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:53,864
Sunshine and unicorns.
653
00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:56,033
$4.99?
654
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,902
I pay like $40 an ounce
for this kind of stuff.
655
00:28:58,938 --> 00:29:02,106
Aloe, shea butter.
656
00:29:02,141 --> 00:29:04,174
All organic?
657
00:29:06,045 --> 00:29:08,579
Can I, uh,
help you with anything?
658
00:29:09,982 --> 00:29:11,615
No.
659
00:29:11,650 --> 00:29:13,851
But I can most definitely
help you.
660
00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:17,020
661
00:29:17,056 --> 00:29:19,556
The Royal Renaissance Festival.
662
00:29:19,592 --> 00:29:23,393
Come for the merriment,
stay for the fun.
663
00:29:23,429 --> 00:29:27,297
Hey. Hey, you giving
anything away for free?
664
00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:31,301
Uh, mayhap a soliloquy
or a sonnet.
665
00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:35,038
Do you have any stickers?
My stepkids love when
I bring stickers home.
666
00:29:35,074 --> 00:29:37,808
Sir William, hast thou
anything in particular
667
00:29:37,843 --> 00:29:41,078
to say about these
beautiful women, huh?
668
00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:42,780
Yeah?
669
00:29:42,815 --> 00:29:45,449
Uh, yes.
670
00:29:45,484 --> 00:29:47,584
Yeah, yeah, I see.
[ Chuckles ]
671
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:50,120
Uh, uh, dearest ladies
[clears throat]
672
00:29:50,156 --> 00:29:53,957
some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
673
00:29:53,993 --> 00:29:57,561
and other have greatness
thrust upon them.
674
00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:59,263
Thrust.
[ Laughs ]
675
00:29:59,298 --> 00:30:01,565
Loosen up.
Yeah.
676
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,802
Heh. Ha. Of course.
677
00:30:04,837 --> 00:30:09,439
Of course, let's not forget
that I, William Shakespeare,
678
00:30:09,475 --> 00:30:13,143
am also the master
of the dirty joke.
679
00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:14,478
Ohh!
680
00:30:14,513 --> 00:30:15,913
Risqu .
681
00:30:15,948 --> 00:30:17,347
I don't think
they're ready.
682
00:30:17,383 --> 00:30:19,183
No.
Here it comes, though.
683
00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:20,851
Oh?
684
00:30:20,886 --> 00:30:25,155
Oh, that she were an open arse,
and thou a poperin pear.
685
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:26,490
[ Laughs ]
686
00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:29,693
Hey!
Her ass is closed, man.
687
00:30:29,728 --> 00:30:32,996
Ladies, ladies,
forgive my stupid friend.
688
00:30:33,032 --> 00:30:35,933
Forgive us all,
for I, Pizzle Humpsalot,
689
00:30:35,968 --> 00:30:40,370
a grotesque and lowly
mud beggar, do cry your mercy,
690
00:30:40,406 --> 00:30:41,839
for I have forgot
to tell thee
691
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:44,541
how much fun
the Royal Renaissance Festival,
692
00:30:44,577 --> 00:30:47,477
Saturdays and Sundays,
10:00 to 7:00, can be!
693
00:30:47,513 --> 00:30:49,947
Come one, come all,
preferably all.
694
00:30:49,982 --> 00:30:53,317
Gather ye round, for the
Royal Renaissance Mud Shows
695
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,519
work according to
the laws of physics.
696
00:30:55,554 --> 00:30:57,321
What goes up...
697
00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:59,156
[ All gasp ]
698
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:00,490
...must come down.
699
00:31:00,526 --> 00:31:03,794
Ooh! [ Laughs ]
Karma, man.
700
00:31:03,829 --> 00:31:04,962
[ Laughter ]
701
00:31:04,997 --> 00:31:06,530
Oh, you got a little bit
right there.
702
00:31:06,565 --> 00:31:08,665
Oh, and there.
703
00:31:08,701 --> 00:31:10,400
Dead serious.
704
00:31:10,436 --> 00:31:12,502
Have you ever tried getting
your products into Barneys?
705
00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:15,205
Barney's Friday Fish Fry.
Yeah, I go every week.
706
00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:17,875
This stuff is dying
on the vine back here.
707
00:31:17,910 --> 00:31:19,877
It really needs to be
in a clear, visible path
708
00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:21,511
facing toward the door.
709
00:31:21,547 --> 00:31:23,146
Oh, my God, beeswax.
No, no.
710
00:31:23,182 --> 00:31:24,681
This stuff is multiuse.
711
00:31:24,717 --> 00:31:26,750
Actually, multiuse
should have its own section.
712
00:31:26,785 --> 00:31:28,318
Miss, please don't.
And these --
713
00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:29,753
you're mixing messages.
714
00:31:29,788 --> 00:31:31,555
Why have you got bananas
next to cosmetics?
715
00:31:31,590 --> 00:31:33,924
Lady, if I needed someone
to tell me
716
00:31:33,959 --> 00:31:36,493
how I'm doing everything wrong,
I'd call my wife.
717
00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:38,695
Okay. Okay. All right. Okay.
That's a little dramatic.
718
00:31:38,731 --> 00:31:41,932
Hi, yeah, I love you so much,
but I'm reading the room here,
719
00:31:41,967 --> 00:31:44,902
and I'm getting the feeling
that not everybody loves you
720
00:31:44,937 --> 00:31:48,171
as much as I do,
right at this moment.
Oh, no. No.
721
00:31:48,207 --> 00:31:50,073
Someone has got to tell him
722
00:31:50,109 --> 00:31:52,409
what an eyesore that
Shelly's Jam display is.
723
00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:54,044
Okay, so I can hear you.
724
00:31:54,079 --> 00:31:57,080
And, "A,"
Shelly's my sister.
725
00:31:57,116 --> 00:31:59,182
Oh.
So that's actually
very hurtful.
726
00:31:59,218 --> 00:32:01,685
"B," she powerlifts,
so if you want to tell her
727
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,421
how you feel about her display,
be my guest.
728
00:32:04,456 --> 00:32:07,291
"C," I am going to,
for the first time ever,
729
00:32:07,326 --> 00:32:09,860
use my right to refuse service
to anyone,
730
00:32:09,895 --> 00:32:14,131
which is you, in this case,
so congrats and goodbye.
731
00:32:14,166 --> 00:32:16,199
Bye-bye.
732
00:32:16,235 --> 00:32:18,735
Who might want
a muddy kiss?
733
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:22,039
Oh!
[ Laughs ]
734
00:32:22,074 --> 00:32:23,273
Oh!
Mwah!
735
00:32:23,309 --> 00:32:25,108
If you prick us,
do we not bleed?
736
00:32:25,144 --> 00:32:27,577
And if you wrong us,
should we not have...
737
00:32:27,613 --> 00:32:29,579
Mud pie in thy face?
738
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:30,814
Ooh!
Oh!
739
00:32:30,849 --> 00:32:33,383
Falling!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
740
00:32:33,419 --> 00:32:34,952
Oh!
[ Laughter ]
741
00:32:34,987 --> 00:32:37,754
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
742
00:32:37,790 --> 00:32:40,424
Mayhap this be
what ye want.
743
00:32:41,860 --> 00:32:46,396
[ Farting ]
744
00:32:46,432 --> 00:32:49,132
Ah! [ Cries ]
745
00:32:49,168 --> 00:32:50,968
[ Crowd groans ]
746
00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:54,738
[ Sighs ]
Are you not entertained?!
747
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:01,778
Don't worry. You're the only one
who's never invited back.
748
00:33:01,814 --> 00:33:03,680
I'm good.
[ Laughs ]
749
00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:05,282
Oh!
750
00:33:05,317 --> 00:33:07,484
I was just doing
what Marie Kondo always does --
751
00:33:07,519 --> 00:33:09,853
clearing clutter
and sparking joy.
752
00:33:09,888 --> 00:33:12,389
Sparking joy is good,
753
00:33:12,424 --> 00:33:17,027
but trying to fix things
that aren't broken is...
754
00:33:17,062 --> 00:33:19,496
Stupid.
Stupid?
755
00:33:19,531 --> 00:33:21,898
No, honeybee.
756
00:33:21,934 --> 00:33:26,703
But...a distraction maybe
757
00:33:26,739 --> 00:33:31,541
from what really might
need fixing, perhaps.
758
00:33:31,577 --> 00:33:33,477
I could trim those for you
if you want me to.
759
00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:39,149
Oh. Wow.
760
00:33:41,286 --> 00:33:43,920
Maggie was right.
761
00:33:43,956 --> 00:33:46,056
I pick myself
and everyone else apart.
762
00:33:46,091 --> 00:33:48,191
I find what's wrong
in almost every situation.
763
00:33:48,227 --> 00:33:50,794
I thrive on negativity.
I...
764
00:33:53,399 --> 00:33:55,832
I am my mother.
765
00:33:57,469 --> 00:33:59,236
[ Scoffs ]
766
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,674
I have never witnessed
such rapid psychological growth.
767
00:34:05,878 --> 00:34:09,746
It's beautiful...
768
00:34:09,782 --> 00:34:11,915
like a sea monkey.
769
00:34:11,950 --> 00:34:13,784
[ Chuckles ]
770
00:34:13,819 --> 00:34:16,286
I'm sorry. I'm emotionally
leaking all over you.
771
00:34:16,321 --> 00:34:18,922
That's okay.
Leak away.
772
00:34:18,957 --> 00:34:21,725
I'll happily collect
all your emotional fluids.
773
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,293
Ew.
774
00:34:23,328 --> 00:34:32,202
775
00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:35,272
Ah.
776
00:34:38,277 --> 00:34:39,943
David?
777
00:34:39,978 --> 00:34:41,645
Oh, uh, hey, man.
778
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,548
I want to apologize.
No. Y-You don't have to.
779
00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,917
Obviously,
I had no intention.
780
00:34:46,952 --> 00:34:50,320
I hope you don't think
that I meant to...
781
00:34:50,355 --> 00:34:52,089
I'm so embarrassed.
782
00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:53,490
I-It's all good, man.
783
00:34:53,525 --> 00:34:55,959
It's really not.
784
00:34:55,994 --> 00:34:58,662
Look, it's just about
finding a balance.
785
00:34:58,697 --> 00:35:04,501
Like, fart jokes good,
actual ass explosions, bad.
786
00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,103
Noted.
Yeah.
787
00:35:06,138 --> 00:35:09,439
I also appreciate
your discretion about this.
788
00:35:09,475 --> 00:35:11,241
No one needs to know.
789
00:35:11,276 --> 00:35:14,077
Dude! I heard you shit your
pants at the Country Market.
790
00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:15,178
[ Laughs ]
Oh, God.
791
00:35:15,214 --> 00:35:16,680
Epic, man.
792
00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:18,315
I mean, I never
physically hurt anyone,
793
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:20,684
but my record is clearing
like 500, 600 feet...
794
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:22,419
Yeah.
...on my stench-power alone,
795
00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:25,155
so congrats, man.
796
00:35:25,190 --> 00:35:28,024
I beg you
to forget about this.
797
00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:29,693
No shame, friend.
798
00:35:29,728 --> 00:35:32,162
The body releases
when it must release.
799
00:35:32,197 --> 00:35:35,365
Better an empty apartment
than a bad tenant.
800
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,034
Mm. Mm-hmm.
801
00:35:38,070 --> 00:35:39,870
Hands in.
Yeah, dude. Come on.
802
00:35:39,905 --> 00:35:42,205
Hey!
Come on, join us.
803
00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:45,308
Yeah. "Fart brothers for life"
on three.
804
00:35:45,344 --> 00:35:47,110
One, two, three.
805
00:35:47,146 --> 00:35:49,880
Together:
Fart brothers for life!
806
00:35:49,915 --> 00:35:51,014
I'm not there yet.
807
00:35:51,049 --> 00:35:53,850
808
00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:56,520
I found your bra.
Oh, great.
809
00:35:58,023 --> 00:36:00,056
Wouldn't it make more sense
to start the parade
810
00:36:00,092 --> 00:36:01,458
inside the fairegrounds?
811
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:02,993
That way, people have
more time to get a beer.
812
00:36:03,028 --> 00:36:04,961
You're doing it again.
I'm doing it again.
813
00:36:04,997 --> 00:36:06,863
See, nothing needs
to be fixed.
814
00:36:06,899 --> 00:36:08,131
Really?
815
00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:09,966
Hi. Hello.
816
00:36:10,002 --> 00:36:12,469
Who left the damn hose on?
I'll shut it off.
817
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:14,171
Geez.
818
00:36:14,206 --> 00:36:18,375
[ Fanfare plays ]
819
00:36:18,410 --> 00:36:21,378
[ Cheers and applause ]
820
00:36:21,413 --> 00:36:27,217
821
00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:30,053
Uh, uh...
822
00:36:30,088 --> 00:36:32,822
823
00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:35,058
Your Majesty!
824
00:36:35,093 --> 00:36:37,194
Your Majesty!
825
00:36:37,229 --> 00:36:39,162
Your Majesty!
826
00:36:39,198 --> 00:36:41,865
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
827
00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:44,034
Uh...
828
00:36:44,069 --> 00:36:46,036
Your Majesty!
Your Majesty!
829
00:36:46,071 --> 00:36:47,904
Aah!
[ Crowd gasps ]
830
00:36:47,940 --> 00:36:51,575
Cry your mercy, Your Majesty!
Pass not this way.
831
00:36:51,610 --> 00:36:54,177
T'would be mine honor to be sure
832
00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:57,080
thou dost not muddy
thy most regal self.
833
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:00,383
God save the queen!
834
00:37:00,419 --> 00:37:02,852
All: God save the queen!
835
00:37:04,223 --> 00:37:05,689
836
00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,457
Better.
837
00:37:07,492 --> 00:37:14,231
838
00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:16,032
[ Laughs ]
839
00:37:17,401 --> 00:37:21,538
Oh, my. Show me your jugs,
and I'll show you mine.
840
00:37:21,573 --> 00:37:24,774
On these fairegrounds,
it'd be not a crime.
841
00:37:24,810 --> 00:37:28,044
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my, milady.
842
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,547
Care to make a trade?
843
00:37:32,317 --> 00:37:34,551
What are you
supposed to be?
844
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:36,753
A princess?
845
00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:40,223
Nay, good sirs.
I be William Shakespeare.
846
00:37:40,259 --> 00:37:43,059
Dost thou know of any of mine
great writings?
847
00:37:43,095 --> 00:37:45,395
I want to fight.
En garde!
848
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:47,464
I'm gonna stab you
in the butt.
849
00:37:47,499 --> 00:37:50,233
Pardon me, gentlemen.
850
00:37:50,269 --> 00:37:53,603
Words are but wind, ay,
851
00:37:53,639 --> 00:37:57,107
and break it in your face
so he break it not behind.
852
00:37:57,142 --> 00:37:59,075
Pbht!
853
00:37:59,111 --> 00:38:01,111
[ Both laugh ]
854
00:38:01,146 --> 00:38:08,918
855
00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:10,720
[ Chuckles ]
856
00:38:15,827 --> 00:38:24,134
857
00:38:24,169 --> 00:38:34,110
858
00:38:34,146 --> 00:38:35,979
Aah!
859
00:38:36,014 --> 00:38:37,747
[ Lisping ] Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you asleep?
860
00:38:37,783 --> 00:38:40,116
Yes, very asleep.
861
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:43,853
Amanda, Amanda,
Amanda, Amanda.
862
00:38:43,889 --> 00:38:47,290
Sounds funny when you say it
over and over again, doesn't it?
863
00:38:47,326 --> 00:38:51,661
My name, too.
Helen, Helen, Helen.
864
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:55,198
Oh, my God.
The real live hooker.
865
00:38:55,233 --> 00:38:56,833
Not a hooker.
866
00:38:56,868 --> 00:38:58,868
I know you think
I'm here to stab you to death,
867
00:38:58,904 --> 00:39:02,706
but the truth is, Amanda,
we're square.
868
00:39:02,741 --> 00:39:05,041
We are?
869
00:39:05,077 --> 00:39:06,643
I may have lost
the tip of my tongue,
870
00:39:06,678 --> 00:39:09,779
but you lost your fianc ,
your wedding,
871
00:39:09,815 --> 00:39:11,514
your whole life
if what I hear is true,
872
00:39:11,550 --> 00:39:13,316
about you becoming
a pub wench.
873
00:39:13,352 --> 00:39:15,785
Uh, how do you
know all of this?
874
00:39:15,821 --> 00:39:19,089
Mama Klein and I came to
a very lucrative agreement.
875
00:39:20,258 --> 00:39:21,891
[ Sighs ]
876
00:39:21,927 --> 00:39:24,561
Oh. Uh-huh.
877
00:39:24,596 --> 00:39:26,696
I get it.
878
00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:28,498
My mom paid you off.
Uh-huh.
879
00:39:28,533 --> 00:39:30,233
So, what, you came here
to scare me
880
00:39:30,268 --> 00:39:32,302
before you move to South America
or something?
881
00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:34,571
South America?
Ever heard of Zika? Nay.
882
00:39:34,606 --> 00:39:36,139
I'm here to reclaim
my position
883
00:39:36,174 --> 00:39:38,641
as Lord Executioner
on Her Majesty's court.
884
00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:42,679
Now I can travel the circuit
in a tour bus with a hot tub.
885
00:39:42,714 --> 00:39:46,516
And one more thing.
Brett -- small balls, right?
886
00:39:46,551 --> 00:39:51,688
Like, the shaft was good, but
the balls -- like frozen peas.
887
00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:57,260
888
00:39:57,295 --> 00:40:02,899
889
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:05,602
[ Water running ]
890
00:40:05,637 --> 00:40:13,510
891
00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:15,612
[ Clears throat ]
892
00:40:15,647 --> 00:40:24,187
893
00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:27,891
Little more on the left, no?
Is it even?
894
00:40:29,795 --> 00:40:31,694
Seems a little chilly.
895
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:33,863
Rad.
896
00:40:33,899 --> 00:40:35,765
Like, rad.
897
00:40:38,403 --> 00:40:40,370
Huzzah.
74964
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof