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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:06,090
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,090
( humming )
3
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,100
Morning, honey.
4
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,610
Morning,
sweetheart.
( chuckles )
5
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:26,110
So...today's our wedding day.
6
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:27,610
Ah. It feels great,
doesn't it?
7
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,610
Oh. Sure does.
Oh.
8
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,110
I'm glad. I was afraid
after last night
9
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:33,120
you might be just
a little hung-over.
10
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120
Oh, me? No.
I just had a few drinks.
11
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,120
Helen, come on. When I
came in, you were handcuffed
12
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,620
to a half-naked
stripper.
13
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:40,620
Don't be ridiculous.
14
00:00:42,630 --> 00:00:43,630
Oh, yeah.
15
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:46,130
( lively theme playing )
16
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:49,630
So how did your
bachelor party go?
17
00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:52,640
I don't wanna
talk about it.
18
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,140
But, uh, the important
thing is,
19
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,140
in three hours
and seven minutes,
20
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,640
we are going to be
husband and wife.
21
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,150
( sighs,
claps hands )
22
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,150
But first...
( sniffs )
23
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:07,150
...breakfast.
24
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,150
Yay.
25
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:09,150
Ta-da.
26
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:11,660
Oh, boy. Scrambled eggs.
27
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:12,660
Yeah.
28
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:16,160
Here you go.
Oh.
29
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,160
Hm.
30
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,160
Boy, you-- You don't know
how this makes me feel.
31
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,670
Oh, thanks. Hm.
32
00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:25,670
Mm.
( chuckles )
33
00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:27,170
Mm. Oh-- Ooh.
34
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,670
I almost forgot
the pork links.
35
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,180
( silverware clatters )
36
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:42,190
Wow.
37
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:43,690
You really wolfed those down.
38
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:44,690
You want some more?
39
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:47,190
Mm, no, no, please.
That's plenty.
40
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,690
Here you go. Okay.
41
00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:50,190
Let me see here.
42
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:51,700
"Helen, breakfast." Check.
43
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,200
What is that?
44
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,200
It's our wedding schedule.
45
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,700
You have
a wedding schedule?
46
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,200
Well, look. I know this seems
a little bit retentive,
47
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,210
but thanks to
this schedule right here,
48
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:04,210
our wedding is gonna run
like a well-oiled machine.
49
00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:06,210
Right now the cake
is en route,
50
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,210
the flowers are
being delivered,
51
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:10,210
and Brian is at the store
picking up our tuxes.
52
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,720
( sighs )
53
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,730
( screams )
54
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:30,730
( both screaming )
55
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:32,740
( both scream loudly )
56
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,740
Oh, my God.
57
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,240
Oh, I don't believe this.
How did this happen?
58
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,240
Oh, I don't know.
59
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,740
You seduced me.
60
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,250
Me?!
61
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:44,750
Who is the one who crawled
into my bed "by mistake"?
62
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:45,750
Oh. It was a mistake,
all right.
63
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,750
It was the biggest mistake
of my life.
64
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,750
Uh, really?
65
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,750
You weren't complaining
very much a few hours ago.
66
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,260
Or have you forgotten
somebody screaming,
67
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:56,760
"Yes, yes. Take me home,
Monkey Man"?
( scoffs )
68
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,760
All right, don't
flatter yourself.
69
00:02:58,760 --> 00:02:59,760
I was way overdue.
70
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:03,270
Way, way overdue.
71
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:05,270
Oh, jeez.
72
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,270
What?
Oh, it's 9:30.
73
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,270
I should have been at
the tuxedo shop an hour ago.
74
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,270
Oh, my God. I'm
supposed to be at the hotel
75
00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:12,780
doing Helen's hair and makeup.
76
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,280
Let go.
No, you let go.
77
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,780
Oh. Heh. I am not walking
across this room stark naked.
78
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,280
Why? Didn't stop you last night
from doing a back flip
79
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,290
and singing the Sconset High
fight song stark naked.
80
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:24,290
Oh. I have gotta
get out of here
81
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:25,790
and take the longest
shower of my life.
82
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:26,790
Let go of it!
83
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,790
Over my dead body.
84
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:30,290
No, thanks.
Already been there.
85
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,800
( lively theme playing )
86
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,300
Oh. It's about time, Br--
87
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,810
Oh. It's you. Hey,
have you seen Brian?
88
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:45,310
He was supposed to be here
an hour ago with the tuxes.
89
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,310
No. No, I haven't.
90
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,310
But, uh, what do
you think?
91
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,310
I think I'm gonna kill him
92
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:50,810
if he's not here
in about one minute.
93
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,320
No. No, no. I meant me.
94
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,820
How do I look?
95
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:56,320
Yeah, you look fine.
96
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,320
Fine? No. No,
no, no, no,
97
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,820
I don't look fine.
98
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:01,820
I look dashing.
99
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:02,830
( speaks indistinctly )
100
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,830
I look elegant.
101
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:07,330
I look like a million
freaking bucks here.
102
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,830
Where the hell
is Brian?
103
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,830
He's screwing up my whole
wedding schedule.
104
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,840
You have a wedding
schedule?
105
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,340
Yeah. Look, um...
106
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:16,340
I'm gonna let you in
on a big secret,
107
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,340
but you have
got to promise
108
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,840
not to tell
another living soul.
109
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,350
I promise. What is it?
110
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:23,850
( clears throat )
111
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,850
I padded the schedule
an extra half hour.
112
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,350
In case things
got backed up.
113
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,860
You're a rebel.
Hm.
114
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,870
( sighs )
Can't wait for Casey
115
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,370
to see me
in this tux.
116
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:47,370
You know, today might
just be the day I make my move.
117
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,870
You know? For once
she won't see me as Antonio,
118
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,370
the lowly cab driver.
119
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:52,380
You know, the-- The servant.
120
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,380
The one everybody's
always ordering around.
121
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,880
Right. Now get downstairs
and start greeting people.
122
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,880
Oh, right.
I'm an usher.
123
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,390
I know, I know.
I'm late. I'm sorry.
124
00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:06,390
There's no excuse.
125
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:08,390
Brian, do you have any idea
what time it is?
126
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:09,390
Oh, who are
you kidding?
127
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:11,900
Everybody knows
you padded that thing.
128
00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:13,900
Relax. Relax.
129
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,900
Got the ring,
picked up the tuxes.
130
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:16,900
Uh...
131
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,900
this looks
a little small.
132
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,900
Uh, it's the same one that
you tried on the other day.
133
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,410
Boy, you really
should drop
134
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:23,910
this whole
control thing, Joey.
135
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:25,910
I mean, really, you should
just learn to delegate
136
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:28,410
and trust that your friends
will come through for you.
137
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,420
Well, I guess it's true
what they say, huh?
138
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:36,920
Married life really
does pack on the old pounds.
139
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,920
Brian...you gotta
do something.
140
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,920
I'm getting married
in a few minutes,
141
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,930
and I look like
Zippy the Chimp!
142
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:47,430
And with the right bow tie
and a pair of roller skates,
143
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,430
you could pull that off.
144
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,430
All right. Okay, that's it.
I'm wearing yours.
145
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:54,440
Uh, no way, man. Then
I'll look like the idiot.
146
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,940
But, hey, it's your day,
so be my guest.
147
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,940
You are one tense person,
you know that?
148
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:00,940
You really should
learn to relax,
149
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,450
take life more in stride.
150
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,950
Well, that's just
way too big.
151
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:12,460
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
152
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:13,960
I went to the tux shop
like you told me to.
153
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,460
And I picked up the tuxes
that said--
154
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,960
Hackell.
What?
155
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,460
You picked up the tuxes
for the Hackell bar mitzvah.
156
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,470
You're just gonna
find a way
157
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,970
of making this my fault,
aren't you?
158
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,470
What am I gonna do, Brian?
159
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,970
All right,
just relax. H-here.
160
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,470
Have a mint. Okay?
161
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,480
I'm gonna take these back
to the tux shop,
162
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,480
and I'll get
the right tuxes, okay?
163
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,980
Brian.
What?
164
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,980
Have I told you lately
that you suck?
165
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:47,990
You know, I've...
166
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,990
seen MacGyver do this
a hundred times.
167
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:54,000
Hey. Give that guy
a piece of dental floss,
168
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,500
he could bust out of
a Turkish prison.
169
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,000
( door opens )
170
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,000
HELEN:
Well, thanks for
coming, Casey.
171
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,000
Where have you been?
172
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,000
Don't ask me that.
173
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,010
Don't ever ask me that.
174
00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:04,010
I have plumbed
the depths
175
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:06,010
of human
depravity.
176
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:08,010
Does anyone
have a Certs?
177
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,010
Uh. I've got a
tic tac in my purse.
178
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,010
You know, I once saw MacGyver
take down an F-18
179
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:13,520
with a tic tac.
180
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,520
Fay, are these
sugar-free?
181
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,020
Oh, you don't have to
worry about that.
182
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,520
Uh-hum. Very sweet
of you to say,
183
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,020
but actually I--
Oh. Would you--
184
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,020
Do you mind
if I have one?
185
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,030
Oh, thanks.
I appreciate it.
186
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:26,530
You get this handcuff
off me,
187
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,030
and you make me
look beautiful.
188
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,030
Oh, Helen, relax. You're
already beautiful.
189
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,540
Give me some room.
I got some major work to do.
190
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,040
You know...MacGyver
191
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,040
could get rid of
those raccoon circles,
192
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,040
give her a kicky hairdo.
193
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,050
Do it all
with just spit.
194
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,050
Lowell, could you do me a favor
and go get a hacksaw?
195
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:53,060
( scoffs )
Hacksaw.
196
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,560
That's so A-Team.
197
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,060
( door closes )
198
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,060
Okay, just relax,
199
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,060
and we're gonna start
with a little base.
200
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,070
Oh, my.
What?
201
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,070
Well, our eyes
are a tad red. Heh.
202
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,070
Oh, God.
203
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,070
Don't you worry. I'll just
run down to the hotel store
204
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:11,070
and get you
some eye drops.
205
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,580
Tsk.
( sighs )
206
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:15,580
Oh, Fay.
( door closes )
207
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,580
I'm getting married
in an hour,
208
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,580
and I look like roadkill.
Oh.
209
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,590
( lively theme playing )
210
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:30,590
Hello.
211
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,100
Uh, hello.
212
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,600
Um...
213
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,100
look, about
last night...
214
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,600
Wha--? Uh, what about it?
215
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,600
You didn't go blabbing
to your brother, did you?
216
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,100
Of course not.
Far as I'm concerned,
217
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,100
nothing happened.
218
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,110
Well, you got that right.
Nothing happened.
219
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:47,110
Absolutely.
Nothing happened...
220
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,110
three times.
221
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,620
Seven times for me.
222
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,120
I-I gotta get these
eye drops to Helen.
223
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,120
Yeah, I've got to
get this tux to Joe.
224
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,630
Oh, damn.
225
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,130
I know.
226
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,130
( both grunting )
227
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,130
What's wrong
with us?
228
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,130
( both panting )
229
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,130
We're sick!
Oh!
230
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:27,150
( upbeat theme playing )
231
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,150
( both chuckle )
232
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,650
Oh, hi, Casey.
233
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,660
So, uh...what's
happening?
234
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:36,660
Happening?
235
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:37,660
Nothing's happening.
236
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,160
Why would something
be happening?
237
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:43,670
So, um...Casey...
238
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,670
how about, uh, saving me
the first dance?
239
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,170
Sure, Antonio.
Can't wait. Ha-ha-ha.
Ha-ha.
240
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,670
Okay, then, uh, it's a date.
241
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:53,680
I'll, uh,
catch you later.
( laughs )
242
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,180
Bye-bye.
243
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,180
( snaps )
Yes.
244
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:02,690
Hey. Brian.
245
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:04,690
I am in, baby.
246
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:07,190
( door opens )
247
00:10:10,690 --> 00:10:12,200
Oh, Casey.
248
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:13,700
How good of you
to drop by.
249
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,200
I'm getting ready
to get married,
250
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,200
my makeup's not done,
251
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,200
and you're supposed to
give me big hair.
252
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,200
Sorry, uh-- Sorry.
253
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,200
Uh, what did you do
to your dress?
254
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,210
What do you mean?
255
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:25,710
Well, it's
on backwards.
( gasps )
256
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,210
Oh, well, um...
257
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,210
I thought that the bow
made my butt look big,
258
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:30,710
so I switched it.
259
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,220
FAY:
Oh.
260
00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:34,220
I think I'd like to
switch my dress
261
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,720
like you did.
262
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,720
I recommend it.
263
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,220
I haven't felt
this good in years.
Ha.
264
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,720
You do look radiant.
( both giggle )
265
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,230
Such a lovely
thought, Fay,
266
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,230
but aren't you supposed to be
saying that to the bride?
267
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,730
And we will be.
Just as soon as
268
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,230
you've used
these eye drops,
269
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,230
we'll start
your makeup.
270
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,230
I just have just to fix
this scuff on my shoe.
271
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,740
Uh...those are new.
272
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,240
How did you get them
scuffed up already?
273
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,740
What are you, a cop?!
274
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,240
( hums )
275
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,240
Ow.
276
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,250
Ow.
277
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,250
Ow.
278
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:05,750
My eyes are stinging.
279
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,750
What kind of
eye drops are these?
280
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,750
Binaca.
281
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:12,760
If it's any consolation,
282
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,260
your eyes smell
minty fresh.
283
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,760
Are-- Are
you okay?
284
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,760
Maybe you'd better
go flush your eyes out.
285
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,260
I'm all right.
Oops! Oops! All right.
286
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:21,760
Ooh. Watch out for
that Magic Marker.
287
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,270
It's gonna, uh,
be on my dress.
288
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:24,770
That stuff's permanent.
Oh.
289
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:27,770
Um, don't worry. I-it
didn't get on your dress.
290
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,280
( screams )
291
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,280
It-- It-- It's
not so bad. Heh.
292
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,280
It's not so bad?
293
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,790
I'm getting married
in five minutes,
294
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:44,290
and I look like Hitler.
295
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,290
Hey...Hackett.
296
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,790
You better
get down there.
297
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:54,300
Your guests are
getting mighty antsy.
298
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,300
Yeah. Well,
I'd like to,
299
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,300
but I got no best man,
I got no tuxes,
300
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,300
and this flippy
little thing in my hair
301
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800
is driving me nuts.
302
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,310
Hey-- Brian, where
the hell
303
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,810
have you been?
304
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:07,810
You-- You're not carrying
tuxes. I don't see tuxes.
305
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,310
There's a little problem.
306
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:10,310
Problem? Problem?
307
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,810
Don't tell me
there's a problem.
308
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,820
Okay.
309
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,820
I've lost the tuxes.
I don't know where they are.
310
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:16,820
But, hey, no problem.
311
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,320
Can, uh--? Can I
see you for a second?
312
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,330
Brian, how could
you do this to me?
313
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:25,830
You are the worst
best man.
314
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:26,830
In fact, you better
give me the ring,
315
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,330
or did you lose
that too?
316
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,330
No, I didn't lose that too.
All right, smarty?
317
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,330
Here. Here it is.
318
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,340
I think you owe me
an apology.
319
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,340
Oh, I'm sorry, Brian.
320
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:40,840
Here it is
my wedding day,
321
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,850
and I'm selfishly
thinking about me.
322
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,850
And after all
you've been through.
323
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:48,850
I mean, throwing me that
terrible bachelor party
324
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:50,350
and losing the tuxes.
325
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,350
What's going on, fella?
Are you okay?
326
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,860
Hey. Let's get
the show on the road.
327
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,860
It's getting
rowdy down there.
328
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:00,860
Somebody just sent
329
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,870
Grandma Chappel
out on a beer run, you know?
330
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,370
( laughs )
Anyway...
331
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,870
Besides, the sooner
we start this wedding,
332
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,370
the sooner I get that
first dance with Casey.
333
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:13,380
JOE:
You slept
with Casey?!
334
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:16,880
I cannot believe that
you slept with Casey.
335
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,380
( shouting in Italian )
336
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,380
( Brian
screaming )
337
00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:24,390
Hey. Hey.
338
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:25,390
BRIAN:
The ring!
339
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,890
No! God.
340
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,390
You couldn't
keep your hands off her.
341
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,390
BRIAN ( choking ):
Keep your hands off me.
342
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:31,390
I got it.
ANTONIO: Pig!
343
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:32,390
Oh.
344
00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:33,900
Guys?
( both grunting )
345
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,900
Uh...my hand
is stuck.
346
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,400
Okay, everybody out.
I gotta use the can.
347
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,410
( lively theme playing )
348
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:51,410
( whines )
349
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,420
Is it coming off?
350
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,920
Uh. Well...
351
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,420
( chuckles )
352
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,930
You know, Casey...
353
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,430
ever since
I was a little girl,
354
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:08,430
I always dreamed about
my wedding.
355
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,430
A...horse-drawn carriage,
356
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:11,930
eight attendants
carrying my train.
357
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,940
But nowhere
in that picture
358
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,940
did it include
me looking like Zorro.
359
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:16,940
Oh!
360
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,450
Tsk.
361
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,450
Huh.
362
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,450
Huh.
363
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:35,960
Huh.
364
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,960
Lowell, would you please
do something?
365
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:40,960
All right, all right.
366
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,470
I know what I got to do.
367
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,470
I'm gonna go get
the big wrench.
368
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,470
( sighs )
369
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:52,980
Okay. Tux update.
Did you get 'em?
370
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,480
No. I just thought
I'd keep you up to speed.
371
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,480
Come here. Come here!
372
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,480
ROY:
Any progress?
373
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,480
No. How's
Antonio doing?
374
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,480
Oh, much better.
375
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,480
I sat him down,
376
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,990
I gave him
some good advice.
377
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,990
Drink until there's a crowd
standing over you saying,
378
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:07,990
"You okay, buddy?"
379
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,990
Hey, Hackett,
how you doing?
380
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:12,490
You look flushed.
381
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,000
( laughing )
Come here! Come here!
382
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,000
Oh, lighten up!
383
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,500
Come on! I just came
to tell you
384
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,000
that the, uh-- The preacher's
leaving in ten minutes.
385
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,510
He's got another wedding
in Boston at 2.
386
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:24,510
Oh, perfect.
387
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:26,010
BRIAN:
Oh, I just--
388
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,510
Just can't
shake this feeling
389
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,510
that somehow all this is...
390
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,010
partly my fault.
391
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,520
( Casey laughs )
392
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,520
I look okay?
393
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,520
Oh, Helen,
you look beautiful.
394
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,530
You sure
I don't have that
395
00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:45,030
Wayne Newton thing
happening?
396
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,030
No. No, no, no, no.
Makeup covered everything.
397
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,030
You look perfect.
398
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:50,530
This is it, Casey.
399
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:54,040
It's the most important
moment of my life.
400
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,040
Let's go get Joe.
401
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,040
( knocking
on door )
402
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,550
Your bride is ready.
403
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,050
Lowell...
404
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,550
I need you
to stall Helen.
405
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,050
And I don't want her
to freak out,
406
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,050
so whatever you do,
407
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,050
do not tell her
I'm stuck in the toilet.
408
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,060
Hey. Give me
a little credit.
409
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,560
Who is it?
410
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,060
Oh. Where's Joe?
411
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,060
Oh, uh...
412
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,070
Joe can't come out
right now.
413
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:27,070
What do you mean he can't
come out right now?
414
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,070
Well, Helen...
415
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,570
Joe...got cold feet.
416
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:34,080
There'll be no wedding today.
417
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,080
Better luck
next time.
418
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,080
See you.
419
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,080
Uh, I think I bought you
a little time, Joe.
420
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,590
What do you mean,
Joe's got cold feet?
421
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:46,090
Where is he?
422
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:52,590
Hi, honey.
423
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:55,600
Joe, why is your hand
in the toilet?
424
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,600
Uh... Tsk.
425
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,600
Heh. I'm stuck.
426
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,100
We're supposed to
get married right now,
427
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,110
and your hand is
stuck in the toilet?
428
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:04,110
Oh, I don't think so.
429
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:07,110
Look, Helen, no. Ow!
( grunting )
430
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,110
Get that out!
431
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,110
Of all the stupid,
idiotic things to do
432
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,610
on our wedding day,
433
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:14,120
what possessed you to put
your hand in the toilet?
434
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,620
Your ring fell in.
435
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,620
Oh, hold on, baby.
Don't let that sucker go.
436
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:20,620
Look, we have
to do something.
437
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,620
Has anyone thought of
using a bar of soap?
438
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,130
You know, MacGyver
once used a bar of soap
439
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,130
to...
440
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:28,130
shut down
a nuclear reactor.
441
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,140
I think I remember
seeing a bar of soap
442
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:40,140
in the linen closet
across the hall.
443
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:42,650
Casey, would you like to
look for it with me?
444
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,150
Oh, yes, Brian,
I would.
445
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,650
That is a good idea.
446
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,150
What's taking
so long up he--?
447
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:54,160
Oh. Dear, you should have
just called Housekeeping.
448
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,160
Okay, baby.
449
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,670
You don't want
Antonio Scarpacci, fine.
450
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:04,670
Here's a little taste of
what you'll be missing.
451
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:13,180
( sobbing )
452
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:15,180
It was even better
than I ever dreamed.
453
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,190
Well, I guess this dress is more
flattering than I thought.
454
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:26,690
Joe...
455
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,190
What are we
gonna do?
456
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:35,200
This is supposed to be
the happiest day of our lives.
457
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,200
( sobbing ):
It's not gonna happen.
458
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,200
Oh, honey.
459
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:46,210
( tender theme playing )
460
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:52,210
Dearly beloved...
461
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:55,220
we are gathered here today
462
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:59,720
to witness
the joining of Helen
463
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,220
and Joe...
464
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,230
in marriage.
465
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,730
Joe...Helen,
466
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:10,230
this is a very
special day for you.
467
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,740
And a very special day
for your friends...
468
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:14,740
Ahh!
469
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:18,740
...who are all here.
470
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,240
Anyway...
471
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,250
these two
wonderful people
472
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:27,250
have put a lot of thought
into this day,
473
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,750
and, as is so often
the tradition,
474
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,750
they have written
their own vows.
475
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:34,260
Joe.
476
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,760
Helen...
477
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:43,270
as I stand here
before you today...
478
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:45,770
I know that I am the luckiest
man in the world.
479
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,770
You're the love
of my life,
480
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:51,270
you're
my best friend,
481
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:53,280
and I promise to do
everything I can
482
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,780
to make every day
of our life together...
483
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,280
as special as this moment.
484
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,290
Helen, I love you.
485
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,790
I've always loved you.
486
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:07,790
And I always will love you.
487
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,290
( sobs )
488
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:11,790
REVEREND ( whispers ):
Helen.
489
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,300
Joe...
490
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,300
I have
a little secret.
491
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,300
Ever since I was
a little girl,
492
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,800
I've dreamed of this moment.
493
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:25,310
And now, as I look up
into your eyes...
494
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,810
I see the boy
that I fell in love with
495
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,810
and the man
I wanna spend
496
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,820
the rest of
my life with.
497
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:35,320
Be my husband.
498
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,320
Be my partner.
499
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,820
Be my friend.
500
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:42,820
May we have
the rings, please?
501
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,830
What--? What do I do?
502
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,330
Go! Oh, hang on.
503
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:51,830
Hold on. Hold on.
504
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,340
Brian, you want to lift
that lid up there?
505
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,340
Here you go.
506
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,840
This one's for you,
MacGyver.
507
00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:04,350
( chuckles )
508
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,850
Okay, then. Heh.
509
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:11,350
Joe, do you take Helen
to be your wife,
510
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:14,360
to love,
honor and cherish
511
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,860
as long as
you both shall live?
512
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,360
I do.
513
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:23,870
And, Helen...
514
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,370
do you take Joe
to be your husband,
515
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:30,370
to love, honor
and cherish
516
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:32,880
as long as
you both shall live?
517
00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:34,380
I do.
518
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:44,890
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
519
00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:48,390
Uh. You may kiss the bride.
520
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,900
( cheering, applause )
521
00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:06,410
( mellow theme playing )
522
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:14,920
( all cheering, applauding )
523
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:39,940
Congratulations.
35131
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