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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,090
Thanks.
3
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,590
Joe! Look what came in!
4
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:13,100
Wha--? Oh, hey,
our first wedding gifts.
5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,600
Look, this one's
from my cousin Patty.
6
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,100
And what do you know,
from my Uncle Phil.
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,100
( grunts )
Oh, wait, wait.
8
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,100
Helen, Helen, Helen.
9
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,610
Wait, wait, wait.
You know what?
10
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,610
Uh, I don't think
we're supposed
11
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,610
to open these
till after the wedding.
12
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,110
There's a lot of things
we weren't supposed to do
13
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:27,610
till after the wedding.
14
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,110
Let her rip.
15
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,620
Isn't this fun?
16
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:36,620
Oh, my gosh.
17
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,620
( gasps )
18
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,620
A beautiful crystal vase.
19
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,120
Wow.
20
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,130
What did
your Uncle Phil give us?
21
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:43,630
A beautiful...
22
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,130
sneaker phone.
23
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,640
God, isn't that
the stupidest wedding gift?
24
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,640
But, um, I'm sure
he meant well.
25
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,140
Yeah. You know,
that's right, Helen.
26
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,140
It's the thought that counts.
27
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,640
And at least he was
thinking about us, so...
28
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,640
I'm sorry.
You're right.
29
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,650
It's a gift, and, you know,
a gift comes from the heart.
30
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:05,650
You know
what we should do?
31
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:08,150
We should just call him up
on the phone and thank him.
32
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:09,650
I'll just get
on the extension.
33
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:10,650
( laughs )
34
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,160
Hey.
35
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,660
Wow,
what a beautiful present.
36
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:18,660
Thank you.
37
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:20,660
Sneaker phone!
38
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,670
( upbeat theme playing )
39
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,670
Fay! Fay, has Flight 2
arrived yet?
40
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:31,170
No, not yet. Why?
41
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:33,680
Ah, well, my cousin Dominic
is coming for a visit.
42
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,680
Oh, which cousin is that?
43
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,680
Oh, he's the big success story
of the family, you know?
44
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,680
Four years ago
he came over here from Italy,
45
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,190
and he got a job
in a shoe repair shop.
46
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,190
And now he owns
his own chain
47
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,690
of leather clothing stores.
48
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:50,190
Oh, those shoe repairmen
are magicians.
49
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:51,700
I once had a pair
of spectator pumps
50
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:52,700
that were killing me.
51
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,700
So I took them
to the shoemaker,
52
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,200
and I don't know
what he did to them,
53
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,700
but after he dyed them
54
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,700
and stretched them
and buffed them
55
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,710
and resoled them,
reheeled them--
56
00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:03,710
She's skipping again.
57
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,210
Just whack her
upside the head.
58
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:09,710
Oh, Fay, I-I just can't wait
to see Dominic.
59
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:12,220
And he's bringing his fiancée
Teresa with him.
60
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:14,720
We were all very close
growing up, you know.
61
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:15,720
I tell you, two--
62
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,220
Two sweeter,
more down-to-earth people
63
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,220
you will never meet.
64
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:23,230
Thanks for the ride,
very smooth.
65
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,730
Here's a little something
for you.
66
00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:27,230
Hey, listen. No, no.
Sir, uh, I own this airline.
67
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,730
It's really not necessar--
68
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,730
Listen, is there anything else
I could do for you?
69
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:32,740
Get your bags?
70
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,740
Make dinner reservations?
Armor All your suit?
71
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:37,740
Dominic.
72
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,240
( all shouting in Italian )
73
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:43,250
Look at this guy!
74
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,750
Can you believe this guy?
75
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,250
I love this guy!
76
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,750
Look at me?
Look at--
77
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:49,750
Look at you.
78
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,250
Hey.
79
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,260
Big success story, huh?
80
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,760
Ah, success means nothing.
81
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,760
What matters is that
I'm here with the people
82
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,760
that I care about most
in the whole world.
83
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:00,760
( cell phone rings )
84
00:03:02,270 --> 00:03:03,270
Talk to me.
85
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,270
Hey! It's none of your business
86
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,770
where the labels came from.
87
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,770
You just sew them in!
88
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,770
D-Dominic, please.
Enough business.
89
00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:12,780
We just got here.
90
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,280
Momento.
91
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,280
Talk to me.
92
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,780
H-he's very devoted
to his business.
93
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,780
So...
94
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,290
What?
Uh...
95
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:24,290
look at you.
96
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,790
I-I-I just can't believe
how you've grown up.
97
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:30,290
I mean, you turned
into such a beautiful woman.
98
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,800
Oh, stop it, Antonio.
99
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:32,800
You embarrass me.
100
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,300
Oh, by the way,
before I left Italy
101
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,300
I saw your mother.
102
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,300
Ah, you saw Mama?
103
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,800
God, I miss her so much.
104
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,800
She gave me a message for you.
105
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,300
What'd she say?
She said,
106
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,810
"Last month's check was
a little light.
107
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:44,310
What's up with that?"
108
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,810
She wonders why I went out
for cigarettes one night
109
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,320
and never came back.
110
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,320
Hey, Teresa, good news.
111
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,820
We finally unloaded
those pink leather fanny packs.
112
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,820
Eh! All right,
enough about the business. Ooh!
113
00:03:59,820 --> 00:04:02,330
I brought you
114
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,330
something special.
115
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,330
( laughs )
116
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:05,830
Grazie.
117
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,840
( laughs )
118
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:16,840
Oh, my.
119
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,340
Lowell, I want you to meet
my cousin Dominic
120
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,350
and-- And his fiancée Teresa.
121
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,350
Hey! Very nice
to see ya!
122
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:25,350
Hi.
123
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,850
So is that
a real leather suit?
124
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,850
It sure is.
One hundred percent.
125
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:32,860
( chuckles )
126
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,360
Murderer!
127
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,360
What's with him?
Uh, well, uh...
128
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,860
he's like Guido
from our village.
129
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,370
Oh, mama mia!
Oh, Dio!
130
00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:44,370
( speaks in Italian )
131
00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:46,870
So, what do you say?
Tonight, dinner's on me.
132
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,370
Oh, actually, uh,
I thought you and Teresa
133
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:52,380
would come to my house tonight,
and, uh, I would cook.
134
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,380
Oh, Dominic,
wouldn't that be nice?
135
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,880
Ever since I came here
we only eat in restaurants.
136
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,380
No way!
137
00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,880
We've gotta celebrate
all being together again.
138
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,880
There's only one way
to do that:
139
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,390
with a nice, big, thick,
juicy hunk of steak.
140
00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:06,890
( chuckles )
141
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:09,890
What is it with Dominic?
142
00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:12,400
Wherever he goes, cows die.
143
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,400
( upbeat theme playing )
144
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:21,900
BRIAN:
Guys, guys, gu--
145
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:24,910
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Take it outside, okay?
146
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,410
I'm trying to run
a serious business here.
147
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:27,910
( phone rings )
148
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,910
Sandpiper.
149
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:34,420
Uh, yeah, that flight
is arriving on time.
150
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:35,420
Okay.
151
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:37,420
Hey, hey, hey.
152
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,920
So, uh, how was dinner
last night, huh?
153
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,420
Ah, well, you know--
Dominic, you know, he's--
154
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:42,930
He's changed a little.
155
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,430
Ooh, in what way?
156
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,930
Uh, he's--
He's not exactly
157
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:48,930
the humble, sweet shoemaker
he used to be.
158
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:51,430
You know, he's, uh...
Well, he's...
159
00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:52,940
Eurotrash?
160
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,940
Hey!
161
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:56,940
Hey, i-it's my cousin
you're talking about.
162
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,940
He's no Eurotrash.
163
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,440
He's, uh--
It's just--
164
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,450
Just that he has no taste
165
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,450
and has no class.
166
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,450
Has no socks.
167
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:11,950
But-- But-- But Teresa,
on the other hand.
168
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:14,460
Oh, she's--
She's a goddess, you know?
169
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,960
She's just an angel.
170
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Hey, Antonio, wha--
What's going on here, huh?
171
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,460
What's going on is
I'm starting to have
172
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,460
thoughts for Teresa...
Ah.
173
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:24,470
...that you should not have
for your cousin's fiancée.
174
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:25,970
Some of them
you shouldn't even have
175
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,470
for your own fiancée.
176
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,970
Brian, you have no idea
how difficult it was
177
00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,480
just sitting across from her
at dinner last night.
178
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,480
It's a good thing
they're going home today.
179
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,480
Because being around her
feeling like this, it's--
180
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,980
It's just pure torture.
181
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,490
DOMINIC:
Antonio!
182
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:44,990
Ah... Heh.
183
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,990
( stammers )
184
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,990
I just can't believe
you're leaving so soon.
185
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,990
Could--? Couldn't you just stay
a little bit longer?
186
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:53,500
Ah, no, look.
187
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,500
Uh, you gotta go, so your--
188
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,000
You know, your flight...
189
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,500
Antonio, I-I need to ask you
a little favor.
190
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,500
Yeah, sure.
Well, there's an emergency.
191
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,510
One of my trucks overturned
on the Jersey Turnpike.
192
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,010
Oh, my God.
Was anybody hurt?
193
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:06,510
Yeah, me.
194
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:07,510
If I don't get down there,
195
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,010
I'm out
a thousand leather sunbonnets.
196
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,520
Now, since I'm gonna be
taking care of business,
197
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,520
I thought, you know,
198
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,020
Teresa would
have more fun
199
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,520
if she stayed here
with you.
200
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,020
Fun?
201
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,520
What do you mean, fun?
202
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,530
Well, you know,
show her a good time.
203
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:26,530
Good?
204
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:27,530
What do you mean, good?
205
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,530
Heh.
206
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,030
Antonio, come on.
What do you say?
207
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,030
O-- Okay. Okay.
208
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,540
Ah, good. Teresa,
209
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,040
good news:
he says it's okay.
210
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,040
Well--
211
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,040
Are you sure
I'm not imposing?
212
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,540
What imposing?
213
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,040
We're family.
214
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,550
( piano theme playing )
215
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:51,550
Ooh, goody, goody.
216
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,560
More wedding presents.
Thank you.
217
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,560
Can't wait to see
who it's from.
218
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,560
Oh, it's from your side
of the family.
219
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,060
Hey, Helen, come on.
220
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,060
You can't condemn
my entire family
221
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,570
just 'cause of one
lousy sneaker phone.
222
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,570
Okay. All right.
I'm sorry, you're right.
223
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:05,570
Oh, wait.
You know what?
224
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,070
This is from my grandmother,
225
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,570
and I can tell
by the shape of the box
226
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:09,570
exactly what it is.
227
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:11,070
She had this beautiful
antique rug
228
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,080
in her dining room
that I always wanted.
229
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,590
And this ain't it.
230
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,090
No, Joe, I think it's nice.
231
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,590
All we need to do is get
a big old piece of paper,
232
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,100
big old envelope,
and write her
233
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,600
a big old thank you note.
234
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,600
Hey.
235
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,600
Who gave you
the cool big pencil?
236
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,610
My grandmother.
237
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,610
How big is she?
238
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,620
Hey, Brian.
239
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:55,620
Brian, you've gotta help me.
240
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,120
I'm in big,
big trouble here.
241
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,120
Why, what happened?
242
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,120
I just spent
the whole day with Teresa,
243
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,630
and it was the most
wonderful day of my life.
244
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,130
You know, we had lunch,
245
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,130
and there was just
a little piece of pastrami
246
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,630
hanging from her lip,
you know?
247
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,630
I-I just looked at her,
and I thought,
248
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,140
"I want to spend
the rest of my life
249
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:13,140
with this woman."
250
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:14,140
Mmm.
251
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,140
I guess it's true
what they say, huh?
252
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:18,140
Pastrami is
the meat of love.
253
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,640
Yeah.
254
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:20,640
What am I gonna do?
255
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,150
You know,
I'm cooking dinner for her
256
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:23,150
tonight at my apartment.
257
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,150
We're gonna be all alone.
258
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,150
I mean, who knows
what could happen?
259
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,650
Why do you think
something would happen?
260
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,150
Oh, well, because,
you know, I'm--
261
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:30,650
I'm afraid I'm weak.
262
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:32,160
I-I keep telling myself,
263
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:34,160
"She's your cousin's fiancée,
Antonio."
264
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,160
But then I tell myself,
"Shut up, Antonio.
265
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,660
"She's also
the most beautiful woman
266
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:39,660
you've ever seen."
267
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:40,660
Okay, okay, okay.
268
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,170
Let me just get
this straight, okay?
269
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,670
You're worried because
you're desperately attracted
270
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:45,670
to this beautiful woman
271
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,670
and you think that
she might want you too?
272
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,670
Yes. Yes.
273
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:50,170
Okay. Okay.
274
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,170
Well, let me just put
your mind at ease.
275
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:54,680
When has this
ever happened to you?
276
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,680
Never.
277
00:09:58,680 --> 00:09:59,680
Exactly.
278
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,680
See, you fall hopelessly
in love with these women,
279
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,690
and they don't even know
that you exist.
280
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,690
Wait a minute, I think you may
be on to something.
281
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:07,190
You bet I am.
282
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,690
Let's face it,
when it comes to women,
283
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,190
you're the strikeout king.
284
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:11,190
I am.
285
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:12,190
You have zero appeal.
286
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:13,700
I really do.
287
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,200
Who has a worse track record
with women than you?
288
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,700
Nobody.
289
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,200
So, what are the chances
290
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,200
of her ever
letting you near her?
291
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,710
Bupkis.
Exactly.
292
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,710
So just relax,
take a deep breath
293
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:28,210
and be yourself.
294
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,710
Trust me,
you'll have no problem
295
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:30,710
keeping this woman away.
296
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,720
Ha!
297
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,220
You're right!
You're right, I won't.
298
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,720
God, I'm always
selling myself short.
299
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,720
Hey, thanks.
300
00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,220
( upbeat theme playing )
301
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:48,730
( doorbell rings )
302
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,230
Coming. Coming!
303
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,240
( doorbell rings )
304
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,750
Uh, be right there!
305
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,750
Be right--
Gah, what's wrong with you?
306
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:05,750
Stay up there.
307
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:08,250
She's my cousin's fiancée,
for God's sake.
308
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,260
Buona sera.
309
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,760
Ah, buona sera.
310
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,760
Prego.
311
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,760
Ciao.
Ah, ciao.
312
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:20,260
Ah...
313
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,270
You look, uh--
314
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:24,270
You look very nice.
315
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:25,770
Oh, grazie.
316
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:26,770
( sniffs )
317
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,270
You started
the sauce already.
318
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,270
Yes.
319
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:31,270
Oh, I love that smell.
320
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,780
It makes me homesick.
321
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:33,780
Ah, I know how you feel.
322
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,280
All I need now
is my six fat aunts
323
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,780
sitting around, putting curses
on each other, you know?
324
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,780
( laughs )
325
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:44,790
Here, I brought some wine.
326
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:46,790
Oh, no. Wine? Liquor?
327
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,790
I-- I don't think
that's such a good idea.
328
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:49,790
Why not?
329
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,790
Ah, come on.
Wine with pasta?
330
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:53,800
Do you really think it goes?
331
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,800
( laughs )
332
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,800
Oh, Antonio,
you're so funny.
333
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,810
So how's Dominic? Uh...
334
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,310
Uh, have you heard
from him lately?
335
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,810
He only left
a few hours ago.
336
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,310
Besides, when he's got
a problem at the office,
337
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:10,810
I'm not on his mind.
338
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:11,810
Ah.
339
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,820
Sometimes I think
he loves his leather clothes
340
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:14,820
more than me.
341
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,320
Oh, no, that--
That's not possible.
342
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,320
Yeah, maybe you're right.
343
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,820
No one could
love those clothes.
344
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,330
( laughs )
345
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,830
Well, somebody must.
346
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:26,330
Whoever thought that
my little cousin Dominic
347
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:29,330
would become such a big shot,
you know?
348
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:31,330
Well...
349
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:32,840
I miss the old Dominic.
350
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,840
Now all he talks about
is business.
351
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,340
Before, he--
He would make me laugh.
352
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,840
He would cook me dinner.
353
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,840
He would...
354
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,850
wear cotton once in a while.
355
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,850
He-- He used to be more like--
356
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,350
Like what?
357
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,850
Like you.
358
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:53,360
( cork pops )
359
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,360
( laughs )
360
00:12:58,860 --> 00:12:59,860
( clinking )
361
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,870
Your-- Your hands
are shaking.
362
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,870
I have a condition.
363
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,370
Here.
364
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:16,380
Salute.
365
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:17,380
Salute.
366
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:25,390
( bell dings )
367
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,890
Dinner's ready.
368
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:30,890
Y-you know, it--
369
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:33,400
It was really sweet of you
to cook for me tonight.
370
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,900
Ah, well...
371
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,400
I-I hope I'm not taking you
away from anyone.
372
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,900
Uh...no.
373
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:41,900
Come on.
374
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,910
It's hard for me to believe
someone like you
375
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:47,910
has no one special
in his life.
376
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,410
You know,
it's not always easy
377
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:55,420
to find, uh,
someone special.
378
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:56,920
Yeah.
379
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:57,920
( timer buzzing )
380
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,420
Bread's ready.
381
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:04,930
Oh...
382
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,430
( screaming )
383
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,930
Hot!
Oh, are you okay?
384
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:10,930
( groans )
385
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:12,440
Oh...
386
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:14,940
( moans )
387
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:18,940
( moans )
388
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,460
( upbeat theme playing )
389
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:54,980
Oh, damn.
390
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:55,980
( mouths ):
Damn.
391
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,000
Hey, Brian--
392
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,510
What the hell are you doing?
393
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:26,010
What does it look
like I'm doing?
394
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,010
I'm doing the crossword puzzle.
395
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,010
Give me that. Give me that.
396
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:33,020
You... You lied.
397
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,520
What? What are you
talking about?
Yeah.
398
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,020
You said
I had zero sex appeal.
399
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,020
That-- That I could never
attract a woman.
400
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:41,020
And I stand by that statement.
Yeah.
401
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:44,030
Well, buddy boy,
you're wrong.
402
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,030
Last night Teresa and I...
403
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,530
Oh, no. No, no. What--?
What, you slept together?
404
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,030
Give me a little credit,
will you?
405
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:53,540
She's my cousin's fiancée.
406
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,540
We just made out for an hour.
407
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,540
The minute Dominic lands,
I'm telling him the truth:
408
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:01,540
that I love her.
409
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:02,540
All right.
Wait, wait, wait.
410
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,050
What does she think
about all this?
411
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,550
Well, you know,
the way he is now,
412
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,050
she's losing interest
in him fast.
413
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,050
I mean, who could blame her?
414
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,050
I'm telling you, Brian,
415
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:12,050
she and I are right
for each other.
416
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:13,560
Good for you, Antonio.
417
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,560
For the first time
in your life,
418
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,560
you know what you want
and you're ready to go for it.
419
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,560
You're right, I am.
420
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:22,060
So, what if she's
my cousin's fiancée?
421
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,070
Oh, my God, what am I saying?
422
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,070
I can't do this.
423
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,070
He's-- He's family.
424
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,070
I-- I would never be able
425
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,070
to show my face
in my village again.
426
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,580
Yeah, you got
a point there, you know.
427
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:35,580
It wouldn't be worth it.
428
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,580
Better off just
forgetting about her, and...
429
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,580
you'll meet somebody else.
430
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:43,090
Who are you kidding?
431
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,590
I'll never meet
anyone like Teresa.
432
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,090
I'm not exactly the kind
of guy women dream of.
433
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,090
You sure aren't.
434
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:51,090
I got a dead-end job.
435
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,600
Yeah, you're going nowhere.
436
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,600
When a woman like Teresa
comes along,
437
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,100
you've got to go for it.
438
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,600
'Cause ain't no way I'll meet
anyone like her again.
439
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,600
Not in your lifetime.
Yeah.
440
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,110
Brian, you're a real friend.
441
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,110
Thanks so much
for not believing in me.
442
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,610
Hey, don't thank me,
Antonio.
443
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,110
They're your shortcomings.
444
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,110
Yeah.
445
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:16,120
So when-- When--
When Dominic gets here,
446
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,120
I'm just gonna--
I'm just gonna tell him
447
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,620
that he doesn't deserve her
and I do.
448
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,620
He's-- He's so caught up
in himself,
449
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:24,130
he probably won't even know
he's losing her.
450
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,630
( knocking on door )
451
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,130
Antonio.
452
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,630
Uh, excuse me.
453
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,130
Uh, I'll just finish
my puzzle out in the hangar.
454
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:32,640
( door closes )
455
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,140
Antonio,
I have to talk to you.
456
00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:37,140
No, I have to talk to you.
457
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,640
You know, ever since
you came here--
458
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,640
Antonio, I need your help.
I think I'm losing Teresa.
459
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,650
Huh?
460
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:45,150
Oh, I can see it.
It's in her eyes.
461
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,650
It's in her kiss.
The passion's gone.
462
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,650
I'm losing
the woman I love.
463
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,160
Hey, it happens.
Move on.
464
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,660
Move on?
465
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,660
Ho-- H-how can you
say that?
466
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,170
Life is not worth living
without her.
467
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:05,670
Ah, sure it is.
Try the personals.
468
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,670
Antonio, you're my cousin.
You're blood.
469
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,170
You know me better
than anyone.
470
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,680
What can I do
to win her back?
471
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,680
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
472
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:15,680
The truth?
473
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,180
Have you tried
wearing more leather?
474
00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,190
Where?
475
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:25,190
I don't know.
Hats? Gloves?
476
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:26,190
And-- And another thing,
477
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,690
how much time
you spend with her?
478
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,190
Uh, well,
I work 16 hours a day,
479
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:31,690
I'm on the road, uh,
two or three days a week...
480
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:32,690
Well, there it is.
481
00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:34,700
You're suffocating
the poor girl.
482
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,700
Back off a little, huh?
Give her some room.
483
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,200
You're right!
484
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,200
Okay, let me see
if I've got this straight.
485
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,700
Uh, more leather.
486
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,210
Yeah.
Work harder.
487
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:44,710
And stop doting on her.
488
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:47,210
Antonio, I don't know
how to thank you.
489
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,210
You saved my life.
490
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,210
Well, you know...
491
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,210
You're not only my cousin,
492
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:53,720
you're my best friend.
493
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,220
Grazie.
494
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,720
( door opens )
Dominic, stop.
495
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:07,730
You really love her?
496
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,730
Well, of course I love her.
497
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:12,230
She's my whole life.
498
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,240
Sit down.
499
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,240
We have to talk.
500
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,750
( upbeat theme playing )
501
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,250
Hi.
Joe, I'm sorry.
I couldn't wait to open it.
502
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,760
Look!
It's a Tiffany clock.
503
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,760
Isn't it gorgeous?
504
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,260
Wow.
505
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,260
Any chance it's from
my side of the family?
506
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,260
( laughs )
507
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,260
Oh, gosh, get serious.
508
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:43,770
It's from my Aunt Clara.
509
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,270
Your Aunt Clara?
510
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:46,270
She lives on a fixed income.
511
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:48,270
She must have saved
her social security checks
512
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,770
for 25 years just to show up
my side of the family.
513
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:52,770
What is she, a wiseass?
514
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,280
Oh, something did come
from your relatives.
515
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:57,280
It's from your Uncle Frank.
516
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,280
No. No, no, no.
517
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,780
This is from
my rich Uncle Frank.
518
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:04,790
And it's an envelope,
which can only mean one thing.
519
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,790
Good, good, good, good.
520
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,790
Yes? What is it?
521
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,790
Cash? Check? T-bill?
522
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:10,790
( squeals )
523
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,790
Cheese.
524
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,300
"Congratulations,
as a newly enrolled member
525
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:22,300
"of the Cheese
of the Month Club.
526
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,810
"Each month
the world's finest cheeses
527
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:26,810
"will be delivered
to your doorstep.
528
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:29,310
Scratch here to smell
your first selection."
529
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:31,810
Whoo!
Oof.
530
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:34,320
What is that?
531
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,320
Gouda.
532
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,320
Not as gouda
as the clock. Hee-hee.
533
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:44,830
DOMINIC:
Antonio!
534
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:46,830
Oh, Antonio,
there you are.
535
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:48,330
Uh, we just wanted
to say goodbye,
536
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,330
and, uh, to thank you.
537
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,840
I can never repay you.
538
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:54,840
Well, come here.
539
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,840
( both laugh )
540
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,840
I'll go look
after the luggage, huh?
541
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,850
Antonio...thank you.
542
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,850
So this is what you want?
543
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,350
Yes.
544
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:12,350
And about last night...
545
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,860
Last night never happened.
546
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:17,360
Yes, it did.
547
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,370
( sniffing )
548
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:33,380
Hey, do I smell gouda?
549
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,880
Is it May already?
550
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:54,900
( panting and grunting )
551
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:18,420
( shouts )
36678
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