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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,590
Hey, Hackett,
there's a rumor going around
3
00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:11,090
that you are leasing
a second plane.
4
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,600
Yeah, that's right Roy.
5
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,100
We're expanding our operation.
What's wrong?
6
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,600
You afraid of a little
friendly competition, huh?
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,100
Let me tell you something,
Sparky,
8
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,610
there is no such thing
as friendly competition.
9
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,610
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,110
You can't scare us, Roy.
11
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:25,110
BRIAN:
Oh, man. What--?
12
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:26,610
What does he think
he's gonna do, huh?
13
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,110
Your attention.
14
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:31,110
Aeromass is pleased
to announce
15
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:36,120
its new Economy fare
to Boston: only 39.95.
16
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:44,630
Announcing Sandpiper Air's
new Super Saver fare to Boston:
17
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:48,130
a low 29.95.
18
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:52,140
Aeromass to Boston:
only 19.95.
19
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:57,140
Sandpiper:
9.95.
20
00:00:58,140 --> 00:00:59,640
Aeromass: 9.95
21
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,140
and your companion flies free.
22
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:05,150
Sandpiper:
everybody flies free!
23
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:10,150
Wow.
24
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,660
Hey, I don't know what
you're doing, Brian,
25
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:13,660
but whatever it is,
keep it up.
26
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,160
( upbeat theme playing )
27
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:26,670
Casey, what's wrong?
28
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,170
Oh,
my whole body hurts.
29
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:31,170
I went to the gym
for the first time in months.
30
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:34,180
I guess I overdid it a little
on the free-weights.
31
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:37,180
Oh. Well, you know, in my day
women didn't go to the gym.
32
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:40,180
We didn't have weights.
We didn't have aerobics.
33
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,190
Well, how'd you stay
in shape?
34
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:44,690
Did you ever try
to stuff your rear end
35
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,690
into a Platex Living Girdle?
36
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:50,190
Now that was a workout.
37
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:54,200
Aeromass Flight 33
to Hyannis
38
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,200
is now ready
for boarding.
39
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,700
And don't forget
your complimentary Waterpik.
40
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,210
( sighs )
41
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,210
He's killing us
with these promotions.
42
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:07,210
You know, I can't believe
that anyone would actually fly
43
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,710
Aeromass to get
a free Waterpik.
44
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,210
Well, obviously
you've never known
45
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,720
the heartbreak of gingivitis.
46
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,220
You know, Joe...
47
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:17,220
it's a little awkward,
48
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,220
you know,
working for you and Roy
49
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:22,230
when you guys are
in the middle of this feud.
50
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,230
I just want you to know
where my loyalties lie.
51
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,730
Thanks, Lowell.
I appreciate it.
52
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,730
So you giving away
any good free stuff?
53
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:32,740
No.
See ya.
54
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,240
You know, Roy,
it's always a little awkward
55
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,750
working for you--
56
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:42,750
Have another Waterpik.
57
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,750
A little quiet
over here Hackett.
58
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,250
Who died? Heh-heh.
59
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,760
Oh, that's right.
Your business.
60
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,760
Look, for your information,
Roy,
61
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,760
Sandpiper customers
are loyal customers.
62
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,260
They're not gonna
be driven away,
63
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,260
no matter how many stupid
little gifts you give them.
64
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,260
Announcing the arrival
65
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:04,770
of Sandpiper Flight 2
from Boston.
66
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,280
Tha--
That's Flight 2?
67
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,280
Whe--
Where are all the passengers?
68
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,780
Arriving on Aeromass
69
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,280
with their free
point-and-shoot cameras.
70
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,790
( chuckles )
71
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,790
Uh, we have to talk.
72
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:26,290
You're right. Brian, round up
all the Sandpiper employees.
73
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,790
Sure thing.
Come on, Fay, let's go.
74
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:31,790
I've given it a lot of thought
75
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:33,800
and I think I've come up
with a plan.
76
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,800
Now, just wait a second,
Brian.
77
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,300
I've been thinking
a lot about this too.
78
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,800
Here's how I see it.
79
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,800
The situation is this:
80
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,810
Roy has more capital than we do
so he can undercut our prices.
81
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,310
Is everybody with me
so far?
82
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,810
Gotcha.
All right.
83
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:51,310
The result of this
is that more people are flying
84
00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:53,820
on his airline than are flying
on our airline.
85
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:57,320
Which means that very shortly
we will go out of business.
86
00:03:58,820 --> 00:03:59,820
Yeah? And?
87
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:02,830
Uh, that's it.
88
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,330
I just thought
a little recap might help.
89
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,330
Well, now that we're up
to speed,
90
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,330
would you like to hear
a real solution?
91
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,330
I'm sorry I'm late.
92
00:04:11,330 --> 00:04:12,340
I heard there was a meeting.
93
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,840
Yeah, I-I'm sorry, Helen.
94
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,340
Uh, we're sort of in the middle
of, uh, Sandpiper business.
95
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,840
Uh-huh.
What's our plan?
96
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:18,840
"Our plan?"
97
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,840
Well, yes,
I'm gonna marry Joe,
98
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,850
so, you know, I'd naturally
have an interest
99
00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:24,850
in the future of the airline.
Yes. Yeah, I know you do--
100
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:26,350
She doesn't want
to get involved.
101
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,850
She just wants to listen in.
102
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,350
Oh, okay. Well, that's what
they said about Yoko Ono.
103
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,860
So how are
we gonna beat Roy?
104
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,360
Uh, I have a plan.
105
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,870
Sweetie,
didn't you have an idea?
106
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,870
What, to put you
on our next album?
107
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,370
( whispering indistinctly )
Oh! All right, all right, yeah.
108
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:50,870
Um, well, you know that we
should, uh, not compete with Roy
109
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:53,380
and his frills and just
concentrate on being who we are.
110
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,380
Get back to basics.
111
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:57,380
Oh, back to basics!
I like that.
112
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,380
Well, I hate
to break it to you,
113
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:01,380
but we never left basics.
114
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:05,390
Basically,
we're a bus with wings.
115
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:08,390
Well, do you have
a better suggestion?
116
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,390
( British accent ):
As a matter of fact, I do, love.
117
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,900
( normal voice ):
One way to get an edge,
118
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,900
To really get
an edge over Aeromass
119
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:21,400
is to have
a distinctive personality.
120
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,410
And how do we get that
distinctive personality?
121
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,910
With a celebrity spokesperson.
122
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:29,410
I have a cousin who says
she knows Emmanuel Lewis.
123
00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:31,910
Really?
124
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:38,420
No, I was thinking of someone
who is, you know,
125
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,920
synonymous with flight,
126
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,920
like, say, oh,
a former astronaut.
127
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,430
Perhaps Charles "Ace" Galvin?
128
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:46,930
Oh, dear.
That's a great idea.
129
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,430
Yeah-- But why stop there?
130
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:49,930
I mean, while we're at it,
why don't we get
131
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:51,430
the queen of England or--
Or the pope?
132
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:52,940
( whispers indistinctly )
133
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:53,940
Or Mother Teresa?
134
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,440
I'm serious about this, Joe.
I really am.
135
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,440
I've already made inquiries,
and it turns out that "Ace"
136
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,950
is available for endorsements.
137
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,950
All we have to do is pay
his expenses,
138
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:05,950
and he'll come look us over.
139
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,450
No-- R-really?
Yes!
140
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,450
Y-you're not kidding me?
141
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:11,960
I mean, "Ace" Galvin?
Oh, come on.
142
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:13,460
JOE:
That would be amazin--
He--
143
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,960
He's one of the reasons
I got into flying.
144
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,460
The guy's a national hero.
145
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,960
( whispers indistinctly )
146
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,460
Uh, but is he, um, necessarily
the person that we want?
147
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:22,470
You're right.
148
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:23,970
I mean, who in their right mind
149
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:26,470
would want an American legend
endorsing their airline?
150
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:27,970
( whispers indistinctly )
151
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,970
Oh, would you stop that?
That's so annoying.
152
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,470
Okay, fine,
I'll just say it.
153
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:33,480
I mean, do you really want
to risk every cent you have
154
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,480
on some celebrity?
155
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,480
He's-- He's not
just a celebrity, Helen.
156
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,480
This--
The man has walked on the moon.
157
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,980
He is an institution.
158
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:42,990
His face is on a box
of cereal.
159
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:44,490
Ooh, I love that cereal!
160
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,490
It's got wheat on one side,
corn on the other,
161
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,990
it's crispy,
it never gets soggy.
162
00:06:51,490 --> 00:06:52,500
Joe, Joe...
163
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,000
Listen, when we became
partners, okay?
164
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,000
We always said that we would
decide everything together.
165
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,500
Right? We wouldn't--
We wouldn't make a move
166
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,510
unless we were both on board,
we would always agree.
167
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,010
So if you don't think
this is a good idea,
168
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:06,510
I'll drop it right now.
169
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:07,510
You already called him,
didn't you?
170
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,510
He's right outside, man.
171
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,520
Everybody,
172
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,020
I'd like to introduce
173
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:21,520
Lieutenant Colonel
Charles Galvin.
174
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:24,530
Just call me Ace.
175
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,530
We get to call him Ace.
( giggles nervously )
176
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:33,040
( upbeat theme playing )
177
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,540
Colonel, this is my brother,
Joe Hackett.
178
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:38,540
Hello.
179
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,540
Very nice to meet you...Ace.
180
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,050
( chuckles )
181
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,550
Oh, uh, and this is, uh,
my fiancée, Helen Chappel.
182
00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:46,550
This is a pleasure.
183
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,550
Oh, no, the pleasure is mine.
184
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,050
Okay, enough chitchat.
185
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:51,550
We're gonna need
an out clause if business
186
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,560
does not increase 10 percent
in the next six months.
187
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,060
Control your woman.
Yeah. Uh...
188
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,560
Ace, heh,
189
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,570
I-I'll never forget what
you said when you first walked
190
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:05,570
on the moon:
191
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:08,070
"It's one small step for man..."
192
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:12,070
I think you have me mixed up
with Neil Armstrong.
193
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:12,580
Oh.
194
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,080
Which one are you again?
195
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,580
Uh, Ace, why don't you, uh,
come right this way,
196
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,080
we'll--
We'll show you around.
197
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:23,590
Hey, Antonio,
what are you reading?
198
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,090
Ah, it's this fascinating
article called,
199
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,090
"How to Tell
if a Woman's Flirting."
200
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:31,090
I-it's about the little ways
they use body language,
201
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:33,100
you know, t-to show
if they're interested in you.
202
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,600
Look at this, see?
203
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,600
They touch their necks,
t-they lick their lips.
204
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,100
You know, hm?
205
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,100
T-they cock
their heads invitingly,
206
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,610
and--
And if they really like you,
207
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,610
they-- They arch
their backs to--
208
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:47,610
To accentuate their,
you know, breasts.
209
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:50,110
Oh, my God.
Huh?
210
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,620
My cousin Bevo
has been coming on to me.
211
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:00,620
Hi, Casey.
212
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,630
Oh, hi, Antonio.
213
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,130
H-how are you today?
214
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:12,130
Oh, ah!
I should be in bed.
215
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,640
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
216
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,640
Oh, ho-ho-ho.
See ya.
217
00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:24,650
Ooh.
What a little tease.
218
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:30,650
Well, Ace, that is, uh,
pretty much the whole operation.
219
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:32,660
I guess it seems
pretty small to you, huh?
220
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:34,660
No, not at all.
221
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:37,160
That's a damn fine twin engine
you've got out there.
222
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,160
You should be damn proud.
223
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,660
Ah, we are proud.
Damn proud.
224
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,670
Hey-- Hey, wait a minute.
225
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:44,670
You are Charles Galvin,
aren't you?
226
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:45,670
Just call me Ace.
227
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:47,670
Ho-ho, I'm Roy Biggins.
228
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,170
Mind if I call you Big?
( laughing )
229
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,180
Oh, sir!
This is an honor.
230
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:56,680
What brings you to Nantucket?
231
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,680
Uh, well,
the boys here.
232
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,180
He's going
to endorse Sandpiper.
233
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,180
You're kidding.
234
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:03,190
That's right.
235
00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:04,190
And, uh, when he does,
236
00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:07,190
you can kiss
your Aeromass goodbye.
237
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,690
Aeromass, eh?
238
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,700
So you're the guy giving away
the free Waterpiks.
239
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,700
Yeah.
240
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,200
Let me tell you something, pal.
241
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,200
Gimmicks are no substitute
for good old-fashioned
242
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,700
American service
like you get here at Sandpiper.
243
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,210
How'd you like
a point-and-shoot camera?
244
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,210
Love one.
245
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,710
Wow, Ace Galvin.
246
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,710
I-I never thought
I'd be standing here
247
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:29,710
shaking your hand, sir.
248
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,210
My pleasure, son.
249
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:34,220
I-- I never thought I'd be
standing here, hearing you say,
250
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,220
"My pleasure, son."
251
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,220
That's quite all right.
252
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720
I-I never thought
I'd be standing here...
253
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,720
Lowell, Lowell.
254
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,230
Uh, Ace this is Lowell,
our chief mechanic.
255
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,230
You remind me of Buzz.
256
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:48,730
Right. Buzz Aldrin.
257
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,730
No, Buzz Thompson.
258
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:54,740
He lost oxygen
during training.
259
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,740
Spent the rest of his time
260
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,740
playing Ping-Pong
with the chimps.
261
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,750
I like monkeys.
( chuckles )
262
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,250
Uh-huh.
263
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,750
Well, boys, what do you say
264
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,250
we take that plane of yours up
and see what she'll do?
265
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:12,760
Really?
266
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,260
I-I mean, you know,
you're one
267
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,760
of the most famous pilots
in the world.
268
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,260
You can fly anything you want.
269
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,760
Oh, not since I lost
my license.
270
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,760
See, I kind of borrowed
a Tomcat.
271
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,270
And then I misjudged my landing
and wound up setting her down
272
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:26,770
in Dollywood.
273
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,770
The moral is: never let
a hooker be your navigator.
274
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,270
Can I quote ya?
275
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,780
( upbeat piano theme playing )
276
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,780
Look down here
over to your left,
277
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,290
you'll see the, uh,
Great Point Lighthouse.
278
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,290
It was built in 1785.
279
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,790
Came down in a storm,
they had to rebuild it.
280
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,790
Yeah, this all
must seem pretty dull
281
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,790
compared to outer space, huh?
282
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:50,790
What, are you kidding?
283
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:53,800
Space was duller than him.
284
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,800
We had to find ways
to liven it up.
285
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,300
Really? Like what?
286
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,800
Well, one time I filled
a condom with Tang.
287
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,800
Shot it out the air lock.
288
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,810
( laughing ):
That's-- That's cool.
289
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,810
Yeah, what a guy.
290
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,810
But you know what
the most fun was?
291
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,820
When the mission commander
was trying a docking maneuver,
292
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,820
I'd sneak up behind him
and do this:
293
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,820
( gibbering )
Ah! Ah.
294
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,320
( laughs )
295
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,820
( laughing ):
That's excellent!
296
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,330
Well, uh, Ace, I guess
297
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,330
what most people remember
though is
298
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,830
when you landed on the moon
and you knelt down
299
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,830
and prayed for peace
in our galaxy.
300
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:35,340
Actually, I was putting
down fake dog poop
301
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:36,840
for when the Russkies showed up.
302
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,340
( laughing ):
That's outstanding!
303
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,340
( laughing )
304
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,850
Come on, grandma,
you fly this thing
305
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,350
like we've got
speed bumps up here.
306
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:51,350
How 'bout, um,
I give it a shot?
307
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:52,860
Uh, I want to sit
up front with Ace.
308
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:53,860
Now, Lowell--
Lowell.
309
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,860
ACE:
Come on, let the kid sit
with the big guy.
310
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,360
Thanks, Ace.
311
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,860
So, uh, Ace, uh--
312
00:13:01,860 --> 00:13:03,370
( stammers )
313
00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:07,370
Joe and I, uh, just want to say
that it would be a--
314
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,870
A real honor,
not to mention a lifesaver,
315
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:12,880
if you would agree
to endorse Sandpiper.
316
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:17,380
Well, I don't just lend
my name to, uh, anything.
317
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,380
The name Ace Galvin
is synonymous with class.
318
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:25,390
Hey, that cloud looks
like a giant boob.
319
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,890
A big boob!
320
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,890
( Ace laughs )
Uh...
321
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:31,890
Uh, Ace, you've got a--
A 707 right up there.
322
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,400
Listen, kid, I've got to tell
you that you have not lived
323
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,900
till you've partied in space.
324
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,900
Uh, A-Ace, looks we're right
in his flight path.
325
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,400
Most of my third mission
I had a hangover.
326
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,400
Yeah, A-Ace,
we're right in his flight path.
327
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,410
And on my fourth mission
we made freeze-dried margaritas
328
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:47,910
that taste like crap,
but it gets you there.
329
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,910
( laughing )
BOTH: Ace!
330
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,910
( 707 roars past )
331
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,920
You guys never would have made
it through our training program.
332
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,420
Want to see what
I used to do to jumpy recruits?
333
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,930
No.
No!
Yeah!
334
00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,430
Hold on, girls.
335
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:07,930
( all scream )
LOWELL: Outstanding!
336
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,430
( upbeat piano theme playing )
337
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440
You guys look terrible.
Are you okay?
338
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,440
Oh, well, I was fine till
my stomach came out of my nose.
339
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:24,450
Ace Galvin is a maniac.
340
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,450
Not only did he almost kill us,
341
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,950
he is the most obnoxious man
I have ever met!
342
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:31,950
So, Brian, what happened
to your great big hero?
343
00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:33,960
I threw it up
right after I ate it.
344
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,960
( laughing )
345
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,460
( muffled ):
Mm. That was great, Ace.
346
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,970
You know, I always wondered
what blacking out felt like.
347
00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:44,970
( laughs )
348
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,470
I got to tell you guys,
that was a rush.
349
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,470
And I have decided
to endorse your airline.
350
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:52,980
So why don't you just
draw up a little agreement
351
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:54,480
and bring it over
to the hotel tonight.
352
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:55,480
Now, if you'll excuse me,
353
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,480
I gotta go
and jettison some excess fuel.
354
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,990
Okay, so you've had your fun
with your little astronaut.
355
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,490
Let's get down
to business.
356
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,490
I don't think you want a jerk
like that as your spokesman.
357
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:07,990
I know Ace
is a little spirited--
358
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,490
What? "A little spirited"?
359
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:12,490
He flew alongside
a 747 so Lowell
360
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:14,000
could moon the people
in first class.
361
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,500
No, Helen,
you are absolutely right.
362
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,500
Look, I-I don't want him
representing my airline.
363
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,000
Make him go home.
364
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:24,510
Excuse me, you're--
You're Ace Galvin, aren't you?
365
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:28,010
Wow, Sean, this is one of
America's great space heroes.
366
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,510
Well, thank you, sir.
I appreciate that.
367
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,010
It means a lot to me.
368
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,520
Because you know, son,
369
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,520
pride is what
the space program's all about.
370
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,020
Really.
371
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,020
There's pride
in the job we do.
372
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,530
Pride in being part of the team.
373
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:48,030
And it's exactly that kind
of teamwork that I see every day
374
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,530
among the men...
375
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,530
and women...
376
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,040
right here at Sandpiper Air.
377
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,540
Believe me,
378
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,540
that is a team...
379
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,540
that I am proud
to be a small part of.
380
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,550
( indistinct chatter )
381
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,050
See you at the hotel, boys.
382
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:11,050
We'll be there,
good buddy.
383
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,060
( upbeat theme playing )
384
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,060
Brian, I really had
my doubts about Ace,
385
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,570
but when I saw the way
he charmed those people
386
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:25,570
this afternoon,
I've got to tell you
387
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:26,570
I'm-- I'm sold.
388
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:27,570
What did I tell ya?
389
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,570
He's just the image
Sandpiper needs.
390
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:30,570
( door opens )
391
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:32,070
( rock music playing
over speakers )
392
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,580
( indistinct chatter )
393
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,580
What the hell is all this?
394
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:43,090
JOE:
Do you realize
we're paying for this?
395
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:45,090
Oh, come on. It's just--
Just a little party.
396
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,590
Champagne?
I'm not paying for that.
397
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,590
Holes in the wall?
I'm not paying for that.
398
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:52,590
ACE:
Yeah. Yeah, yes, I know
it's 8.50 a minute,
399
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,600
but I wanna talk
to a redhead!
400
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,600
JOE:
Believe me,
401
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,100
I-I'm sure as hell
not paying for that.
402
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,600
Hey, trust me, Joe,
this is worth 8.50.
403
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,610
Look, uh, Ace,
we've got to talk.
404
00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,610
Please, just call me Ace.
405
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,610
W-what the hell's
with the holes in the wall?
406
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:12,610
It's gonna cost me a fortune.
407
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:14,620
Oh, simmer down,
Lucille.
408
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,620
I'm just trying
to teach my pal here
409
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,120
how to play
dry-wall roulette.
410
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,120
Oh, it's great.
411
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,630
Yeah,
you just run at the wall
412
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,630
and smash into it
with your head.
413
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:28,630
Right. You know you really
only have a one in six chance
414
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,130
of actually hitting
a stud.
415
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:33,640
Hence, you know--
H-hence, the name "roulette."
416
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,640
But if you hit a stud,
couldn't it kill you?
417
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,140
Hey, it's like Ace says,
"You got to live fast,
418
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:42,140
die young and leave
a flat-headed corpse."
419
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:44,150
Yeah! All right, Sparky,
420
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,150
you ready to play again?
421
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,650
Hey, I am.
Let's do it.
422
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,150
Hey, anything to take my mind
off this headache.
423
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,150
Wait, uh, guys--
424
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,150
Ready?
425
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,150
Guys, don't--
Don't--
426
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,660
Blast...off!
Off!
427
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,160
JOE:
Aw, come on, guys--
428
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,160
He's a maniac!
429
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,160
Joe, Joe, Joe,
Joe, relax, relax.
430
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,160
No, he is a big, crude,
horrible man, and I hate him.
431
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,170
But the public loves him,
and that's what counts.
432
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,670
Listen, as soon as we get
the signature on this contract,
433
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,670
it'll all be worth it.
ACE: Ladies!
434
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:12,170
Do you want to see
my moon rocks?
435
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:13,180
Ah, Ace, Ace!
436
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:15,180
Say, uh, listen,
437
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:19,180
I-I know you're busy and, uh,
you're probably going off
438
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:21,680
to do something that
I don't want to know about,
439
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,190
but, uh, listen,
440
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:25,190
if you could you just put
your signature down
441
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,190
on this contract, we'll--
We'll be out of your way.
442
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:30,190
Oh, boys.
No can do.
443
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:32,190
This is a conflict of interest.
444
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,700
With--
With what?
445
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,700
ROY:
Hey, hey, guys.
Heh-heh.
446
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,200
Roy, what--?
What are you doing here?
447
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,700
Oh, I just came by
to hoist a few
448
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:44,210
with the new spokesman
for Aeromass Airlines.
449
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,710
What? What?!
450
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:47,710
Wait a--
What happened to, uh--?
451
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,210
To all that stuff
about pride and teamwork?
452
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,710
All that other stuff?
453
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,710
Well, I'm sorry, boys,
but I got to thinking
454
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:55,220
about it, and I realized
that Aeromass
455
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,220
could give me something
that you couldn't.
456
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,720
What?
Twice the money.
457
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,220
And, uh,
a slightly used Lexus.
458
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:04,730
Now, if you'll excuse me,
459
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:06,230
there's a young lady
in the other room
460
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:09,230
who insists that I need
a severe spanking.
461
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,730
( chuckles )
462
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:16,740
So, uh, Aeromass
will get bigger, and, uh,
463
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,240
we'll just go out of business.
464
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,740
Nothing to get sore about,
it's just money.
465
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,740
Yeah, right.
( exhales )
466
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,250
It's only money.
467
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,250
You ready?
468
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,250
JOE:
Yeah, I'm ready.
469
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,750
BOTH:
Blast off!
470
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:31,750
( crash )
471
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,760
( all cheer )
472
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,760
( upbeat piano theme playing )
473
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,260
( aircraft roaring
in distance )
474
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:43,270
Hi, Casey.
475
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:44,270
Oh, hi, Antonio.
476
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:46,270
Um, Antonio...
477
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,270
Hm?
478
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:51,770
( laughs )
479
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,280
Okay, baby.
480
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,780
Why don't we stop playing games.
481
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,290
I think we both know
what's going on here.
482
00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:06,290
What?
483
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,290
I read you loud and clear.
484
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:13,800
Antonio?
485
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:14,800
What?
486
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,300
Huh?
487
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:21,300
You've got a big gob
488
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,810
of cream cheese
on your lip.
489
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,310
Don't you think I know that?
490
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,320
Attention, please.
491
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,820
Aeromass,
the airline of astronauts,
492
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:41,820
proudly announces
Flight 26 to Boston.
493
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:45,330
As Ace Galvin always says...
494
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:46,830
ACE ( recording ):
Fly Aeromass!
495
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:48,330
They're my kind of folks.
496
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:51,830
Man, I can't believe
we spent all that money on Ace,
497
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,340
and he turned on us.
498
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:55,840
Well, you're just lucky that
I'm not the kind of person
499
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,340
that would rub
your nose in it.
500
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,340
Though I told you not to get
involved with that jerk.
501
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:00,840
What the hell were you thinking?
502
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,850
Did everybody see my ad
in The Boston Globe?
503
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:09,350
This ad is running in all
the papers on the East Coast.
504
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:11,850
( Roy laughs )
505
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:15,360
Uh, hey, Roy.
ROY:
Yeah?
506
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,360
You didn't happen to read
507
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,860
the front page
of the paper, did you?
508
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,360
Ah, why read the front page?
509
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,860
My ad's on the back.
510
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:22,860
Oh, I thought this
might interest you...
511
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,370
"Astronaut dampens
White House ceremony.
512
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,870
"During a rose garden ceremony
to commemorate
513
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,870
"a new postal stamp
in his honor,
514
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:34,380
"former astronaut
Charles Ace Galvin
515
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:36,880
"shocked the White House
when he dropped his pants
516
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,380
"and proceeded
to urinate on Socks,
517
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:41,380
"the first family's
beloved pet.
518
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:50,390
"When taken away
in a straitjacket
519
00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:51,890
"by the Secret Service,
520
00:21:51,890 --> 00:21:53,900
"Galvin's only comment was,
521
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:56,400
'Fly Aeromass,
they're my kind of folks.'"
522
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,400
Blast off!
523
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,400
( thump )
524
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:05,410
Ooh!
525
00:22:05,410 --> 00:22:06,910
Stud.
526
00:22:13,420 --> 00:22:15,420
HELEN:
Sandpiper commercial.
Take three.
527
00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:18,420
Action!
528
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:20,920
Hi. I'm Joe Hackett.
529
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,920
And I'm Brian Hackett.
530
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,930
We're not only the pilots
for Sandpiper Air...
531
00:22:24,930 --> 00:22:26,430
But we're also...
532
00:22:26,430 --> 00:22:27,430
BOTH:
...the owners!
533
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,430
BOTH:
Put yourselves in our hands.
534
00:22:31,430 --> 00:22:32,430
Fly Sandpiper to Boston
535
00:22:32,430 --> 00:22:33,940
this month and receive...
536
00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:35,940
A free Sandpiper calendar.
537
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,940
Fly Sandpiper Air...
538
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:48,450
We'll get you there.
38616
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