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1
00:00:00,969 --> 00:00:03,703
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
2
00:00:03,805 --> 00:00:05,705
ARTEMIS:
I'm confused. Wade who?
3
00:00:05,807 --> 00:00:08,641
Wade Boggs.
He's a Hall of Fame baseball guy
4
00:00:08,743 --> 00:00:10,776
who drank 70 beers
on a cross-country flight.
5
00:00:10,879 --> 00:00:12,044
We're gonna beat that record.
6
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,913
That's why I booked us
these tickets.
7
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,781
Uh, I thought we were
flying to Los Angeles
8
00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:16,999
for the Women's March.
9
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:20,837
Mm-hmm. You are correct that
this is an all-female flight
10
00:00:20,939 --> 00:00:22,939
on the way to
the Women's March... (burps)
11
00:00:23,041 --> 00:00:24,674
...but I don't give a shit
about that.
12
00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:25,808
It's about the Boggs thing.
13
00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:27,860
I didn't know it was
an all-female flight.
14
00:00:27,946 --> 00:00:29,745
That feels dangerous.
15
00:00:29,848 --> 00:00:31,647
What are you...
no, hey! Come on!
16
00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:32,999
-Oh!
-Can't smoke on an airplane.
17
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,868
-Goddamn, when's
the last time you flew?
-(grunts)
18
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,771
Yeah, I don't get it.
You already did this.
19
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:41,107
Shouldn't we do our own thing?
Why are we copying the guys?
20
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:42,909
No, that's the whole point.
21
00:00:43,011 --> 00:00:46,078
It's the same exact thing,
but it's with women.
22
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,014
Right? So it's a new idea.
23
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,999
Okay, I just feel that
if it's all with women,
24
00:00:50,101 --> 00:00:52,134
-then it should be better.
-Why can't we just
do the same thing?
25
00:00:52,237 --> 00:00:54,971
Because if we do the same thing
then why are we doing it at all?
26
00:00:55,073 --> 00:00:56,739
Yeah, I got to say
I agree with that.
27
00:00:56,841 --> 00:00:58,808
I mean, why can't we just come
up with our own record to break?
28
00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:00,943
Like some badass woman who could
really throw them back?
29
00:01:01,045 --> 00:01:03,079
You know, Judy Garland,
Liz Taylor...
30
00:01:03,181 --> 00:01:04,647
Joan Crawford...
31
00:01:04,749 --> 00:01:05,815
Betty Ford!
32
00:01:05,917 --> 00:01:07,066
(stammers) No.
33
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:10,069
Those are all sad examples
of alcohol abuse.
34
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,104
The Boggs thing just feels
more fun, you know?
35
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:15,875
When women do it,
it just feels sad.
36
00:01:15,977 --> 00:01:17,944
� �
37
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,837
time,Okay. So, last time,
Mac was commissioner,
38
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,606
but I figured I could do that
and participate
39
00:01:46,708 --> 00:01:49,275
because women are
excellent multitaskers.
40
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:50,810
What kind of plane is this?
41
00:01:50,912 --> 00:01:52,945
How come the coloreds
are allowed to sit up front
42
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:55,314
with the whites
and we're way back here?
43
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,868
Wow. I never heard you
talk so much. Truly awful.
44
00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:00,603
What is going on with her?
Why is she so perky?
45
00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,939
She ate all her
nicotine patches already.
46
00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:05,141
Ate them?! What? You're not
supposed to eat them.
47
00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:07,043
Oh, my God, there was
a two-week supply.
48
00:02:07,145 --> 00:02:09,211
(groans) You know what?
Who cares? Who cares?
49
00:02:09,314 --> 00:02:10,947
In that case,
since you're all hopped up,
50
00:02:11,049 --> 00:02:13,165
you be the commissioner. Okay?
51
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,900
Just mark everybody's shirts
every time they finish a beer.
52
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:16,002
(electronic chime)
53
00:02:16,104 --> 00:02:18,004
FEMALE PILOT:
Hello ladies and ladies.
54
00:02:18,106 --> 00:02:19,572
-(cheering)
-Yeah!
55
00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:20,973
FEMALE PILOT:
My copilot Patricia and I
56
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:23,676
just wanted to welcome you
aboard our all-female flight
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00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:27,346
-en route to the Women's March.
-(cheering)
58
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,966
Hell yeah! Can't wait.
59
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:31,968
Oh, no. Two women pilots.
60
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,836
-I'm getting out of here.
-No, no, no. S-Sit down.
61
00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:35,471
Sit down. You're not getting...
everything's fine.
62
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,906
You're not getting off.
Sit down.
63
00:02:37,008 --> 00:02:38,607
We're in mid-goddamn-air.
You know what? Drink your beer.
64
00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:42,111
That'll calm your nerves.
My goodness. Okay.
65
00:02:42,213 --> 00:02:44,680
Keep going like that, we might
have ourselves a real scrimmage.
66
00:02:44,782 --> 00:02:46,465
She's gonna be passed out
by Indiana.
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00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,200
Just mark her shirt off
while she's still in the game.
68
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,671
(Mrs. Mac groans)
69
00:02:51,773 --> 00:02:54,340
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
70
00:02:58,513 --> 00:03:00,379
Was not expecting this line.
71
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:01,814
Why do women pee so much?
72
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:05,735
Uh, lady, thank you so much
for saving my spot.
73
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,470
-I wasn't.
-All right, shut up.
74
00:03:07,572 --> 00:03:09,338
What's with this line?
It hasn't moved.
75
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,741
Excuse me, excuse me.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
76
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:14,710
Mark me.
77
00:03:14,812 --> 00:03:16,645
All right. Nine, huh?
78
00:03:16,748 --> 00:03:17,747
-Yeah.
-Nine, Waitress.
79
00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:19,482
-Very nice. I like that.
-(whoops)
80
00:03:19,584 --> 00:03:20,733
Some record chugging.
What's your secret?
81
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:23,369
-I'm an alcoholic.
-That'll do it.
82
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,737
Artemis, one? Only one? Come on.
83
00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:27,707
Just feels lazy and uninspired
to do exactly what the men did.
84
00:03:27,809 --> 00:03:30,342
Let's at least beat
a female sports star.
85
00:03:30,445 --> 00:03:32,745
Ooh, I like that idea.
Like who?
86
00:03:32,847 --> 00:03:34,714
Secretariat?
87
00:03:34,816 --> 00:03:36,399
The racehorse?
88
00:03:36,501 --> 00:03:38,467
I like that.
Let's beat a Secretariat.
89
00:03:38,569 --> 00:03:40,703
Mm, I don't like that she was
named after a secretary.
90
00:03:40,772 --> 00:03:42,705
She should be a boss. But fine.
91
00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:46,642
I don't get into this bathroom
soon I'm gonna shit my pants!
92
00:03:46,744 --> 00:03:50,446
Yes! Do it! See?
That's what I'm talking about.
93
00:03:50,548 --> 00:03:52,481
Gross-out humor.
It's like taking the original
94
00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:55,434
to the next level. See?
Nobody expects that from women.
95
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:56,736
It's so much more shocking,
isn't it?
96
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,608
Give me that, give me that,
give me that mark.
97
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,343
Oh. Here we go.
98
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:07,580
Yes. Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
99
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,682
-I need two more beers.
-We're out.
100
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,334
No problemo.
101
00:04:12,437 --> 00:04:13,702
I planned for this.
102
00:04:14,806 --> 00:04:16,739
Mm-hmm.
103
00:04:16,841 --> 00:04:17,740
(grunts)
104
00:04:17,842 --> 00:04:19,708
They don't check medical bags.
105
00:04:19,811 --> 00:04:21,710
See? The guys didn't do that
last time.
106
00:04:21,813 --> 00:04:23,779
How's that for originality?
107
00:04:24,816 --> 00:04:26,665
What-what the hell?
108
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,634
Where-where are my beers?
109
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,504
Oh, I had to make room
for all my merchandise.
110
00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,372
Just, uh, crystals,
worry dolls, dream catchers,
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00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,541
labia rings-- your basics.
112
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,544
I'm gonna make big money
in California.
113
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:39,545
-With this crap?
-Yeah.
114
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:40,746
It's a land of sad,
115
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,348
lonely, desperate women
116
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,633
willing to pay any price
for fake spirituality
117
00:04:44,735 --> 00:04:46,469
and clean orgasms.
118
00:04:46,571 --> 00:04:47,570
Ooh, I want to--
I-I want to 'gasm.
119
00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:49,505
See? Lookin' at
my first customer.
120
00:04:49,607 --> 00:04:50,806
Yeah, okay, look, I love a scam.
121
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:53,476
I-I love to scam
pathetic, sad, lonely women.
122
00:04:53,578 --> 00:04:54,677
But let's wait
till we get to California.
123
00:04:54,779 --> 00:04:56,412
For now,
I need to get you drunk.
124
00:04:56,514 --> 00:04:57,580
I need beers. Goddamn it.
125
00:04:57,682 --> 00:04:58,747
All right. Hey, hey!
126
00:04:58,850 --> 00:05:00,733
Hey, you! Servant!
127
00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:02,468
Hold on a sec. Servant.
128
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,736
Oh, dear God.
129
00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:05,571
(chuckles)
130
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,339
How do I keep winding up
with you people?
131
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,542
-(scoffs)
-Do I know you?
132
00:05:09,644 --> 00:05:10,709
Do you--
133
00:05:10,812 --> 00:05:12,778
I used to work at Guigino's.
134
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:15,581
And then I moved to Minnesota
135
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,600
and I waited on you guys
at the Super Bowl.
136
00:05:18,803 --> 00:05:21,370
-Nothing? Mm?
-Nope.
137
00:05:21,472 --> 00:05:22,738
-Forget it, forget it,
forget it.
-Nope. Nope.
138
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,373
What can I do for ya?
139
00:05:24,475 --> 00:05:25,374
Hold on a second.
140
00:05:25,476 --> 00:05:26,542
How come you're a man servant?
141
00:05:26,644 --> 00:05:27,710
Shouldn't there be
a woman servant
142
00:05:27,812 --> 00:05:29,478
on an all-female flight?
143
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,479
Well, it's "flight attendant,"
144
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:31,847
and I actually volunteered,
145
00:05:31,949 --> 00:05:35,334
because I think women have been
disrespected for far too long
146
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,604
and I wanted to honor them
and be their champion--
147
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,606
Great.
You're a soy boy beta cuck.
148
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:41,640
-A what?
-Whatever.
149
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,609
Look, uh, we're doing
the Boggs thing.
150
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:44,810
I don't know what that is.
151
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,545
Wade Boggs.
152
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,714
Okay.
Is that a person's name or...
153
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,799
Doesn't matter.
Uh, listen, we're gonna need
154
00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:52,401
about 50 beers each, all right?
155
00:05:52,503 --> 00:05:53,602
And you can put it
on the Boggs account.
156
00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:54,703
Just make sure
you keep all the ladies
157
00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:56,539
in the white tees lubricated.
158
00:05:56,641 --> 00:05:58,407
Okay. I'm afraid we don't have
any beer, is the thing.
159
00:05:58,509 --> 00:05:59,775
-What? What did you say?
-Yeah.
160
00:05:59,877 --> 00:06:02,545
Uh, in honor of the Women's
March, we are serving pink wine.
161
00:06:02,647 --> 00:06:04,346
So we only have ros�.
162
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,347
-Right. Okay.
-Yeah.
163
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,448
Cute. Great.
164
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,400
Uh, we'll take
a shit ton of pink wine.
165
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:09,802
-Thank you.
-Okay. You're welcome.
166
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,279
on. I got news.
167
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,480
I do, too, and it's bad news.
168
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,533
I just found out
Secretariat was a boy.
169
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,335
All racehorses are male.
170
00:06:26,437 --> 00:06:29,605
I know, because I find them
so attractive.
171
00:06:29,707 --> 00:06:33,275
Well, that's messed up.
Why-why woman horses can't race?
172
00:06:33,377 --> 00:06:34,410
They should be able--
173
00:06:34,512 --> 00:06:36,412
They can run just as fast
as the boy horses.
174
00:06:36,514 --> 00:06:37,713
-That's not what we're ta--
-They should march.
175
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,648
-Pussies on the track.
-Getting off track.
That's not...
176
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,333
-WOMEN: (chanting):
Pussies on the track.
-What are you doing?
177
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,335
-Pussies on the track.
-Shut up! Stop it!
178
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,405
-We should not drink in protest.
-Stop! Shut up! Okay?
179
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,307
Shut up!
180
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,575
(chuckles)
181
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:52,478
It's all right. It's all right,
'cause I got a new plan.
182
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,414
Okay? You guys need
a female athlete? (scoffs)
183
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,765
Check this out.
184
00:06:56,867 --> 00:07:00,669
I happen to know that
tennis great Martina Navratilova
185
00:07:00,771 --> 00:07:03,639
drank 70 beers
on a flight to L.A.,
186
00:07:03,741 --> 00:07:05,374
only to wake up the next morning
187
00:07:05,476 --> 00:07:08,611
and beat her rival, Chris Evert,
at the California Open.
188
00:07:08,713 --> 00:07:10,512
-Mm, that's very impressive.
-Mm-hmm.
189
00:07:10,615 --> 00:07:13,465
So now we're gonna try to beat
Martina Tinatinova...
190
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,700
No, goddamn it!
We're doing the Boggs thing.
191
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,435
We're still doing
the Boggs thing,
192
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,471
but you're gonna use Martina
as your inspiration. See? Okay.
193
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,706
And we're also switching
to pink wine.
194
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,341
How's that, Artemis,
for switching it up?
195
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:23,609
Trying new stuff?
196
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,279
You can't just change one
small specific and call it new.
197
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,381
-I changed three! The wine...
-We're still copying the men.
198
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,500
...the athlete, and the bag!
199
00:07:31,636 --> 00:07:34,336
-I will drink anything
that you put in front of me.
-Okay!
200
00:07:34,438 --> 00:07:35,638
Well, there you go.
Did you hear that?
201
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:37,339
You happy? Okay, great.
202
00:07:37,441 --> 00:07:38,374
So, we're all settled.
203
00:07:38,476 --> 00:07:39,575
I just need to do
a quick conversion
204
00:07:39,677 --> 00:07:42,311
because beer has
a five percent alcohol content
205
00:07:42,413 --> 00:07:44,480
and ros� has
a 12% alcohol content.
206
00:07:44,582 --> 00:07:46,665
Oh, dear! Watching a woman
do math scares me!
207
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,767
Okay, so every little
airplane bottle of wine
208
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,602
will equal 2.4 beers,
209
00:07:50,705 --> 00:07:52,504
so we'd have to drink
210
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:56,308
29.17 bottles of wine
to equal 70 beers. Okay.
211
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:59,712
So let's just call it
an even 29 to win. Good?
212
00:07:59,814 --> 00:08:01,714
Nerd.
213
00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:03,766
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
214
00:08:09,473 --> 00:08:12,641
Oh... We're doing a good job
on those guys, huh? Mmm...
215
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:15,477
Oh, yeah. We're tearing it up.
Tearing it up.
216
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:19,348
-Yeah. Okay. Whoo!
-(attendant button chimes)
217
00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:22,234
Man, it is sad that there are
only chicks on this plane
218
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:24,370
'cause, I mean,
I am all horned up.
219
00:08:24,472 --> 00:08:26,505
Well, there is a-a male servant.
220
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:27,539
Oh, yeah? Hot?
221
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,708
-No. Soy boy beta cuck.
-(grimaces)
222
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,678
I know, but, uh, don't
get distracted by that, okay?
223
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:35,247
The main reason I picked
an all-female flight
224
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,699
is because sex
is how Dennis lost.
225
00:08:36,801 --> 00:08:38,634
Oh, Dennis? I-I like
to hear about Dennis.
226
00:08:38,736 --> 00:08:40,269
-Tell me more.
-(scoffs)
227
00:08:40,371 --> 00:08:42,571
He and Frank, he--
they made a side bet, you know.
228
00:08:42,673 --> 00:08:43,806
See who could have sex.
229
00:08:43,908 --> 00:08:46,442
And then Dennis ended up banging
this disgusting person,
230
00:08:46,544 --> 00:08:48,577
and then he got off
at North Dakota to avoid her.
231
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,713
He was... (chuckles)
He was the first one out.
232
00:08:50,815 --> 00:08:54,500
So-so Dennis had sex on
the plane, how-how many women?
233
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,568
-Just the one. Again...
-Hm...
234
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:57,703
...don't get distracted by that.
235
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,438
Well, I'm gonna beat his record.
236
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,440
There's only one man
on this flight.
237
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,342
Okay, well, I will
figure something out.
238
00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:05,677
No, no, no. Stop. Stop it, okay?
Kno-Knock it off.
239
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:08,380
You're my Chris Evert.
You're my rival, okay?
240
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,666
The only reason you're here
is so that my hatred of you
241
00:09:10,768 --> 00:09:13,702
can fuel my desire
to beat you, okay?
242
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,471
So I need you staying
in the game.
243
00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:18,374
Okay. Then I'm gonna
beat you, you skank.
244
00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:20,476
-Yes. that is the spirit.
-(laughs)
245
00:09:20,578 --> 00:09:23,545
The only way to beat men is by
competing against other women.
246
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,681
-(laughs)
-Here's to that.
247
00:09:25,783 --> 00:09:27,733
(baseball game
organ music plays)
248
00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:33,672
Oh. (groans)
249
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,475
-Oh, it hurts so much...
-Where the hell is he?
250
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,710
-I dinged that goddamn thing
ten years ago.
-Yeah.
251
00:09:38,813 --> 00:09:41,647
So the rose quartz
is a healing gemstone,
252
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,699
as well as the lapis lazuli.
253
00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:47,302
And the goddess stone
is for putting up your snatch.
254
00:09:47,405 --> 00:09:49,271
-Only $70, ladies.
-All right. All right.
255
00:09:49,373 --> 00:09:50,639
What the hell is this shit?
What are you doing?
256
00:09:50,741 --> 00:09:52,307
I'm selling my sundries, okay?
257
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:53,409
Why wait for California
258
00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:55,444
when I've got a captive audience
right now?
259
00:09:55,546 --> 00:09:57,413
Here. Drink this.
260
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:00,532
Mm-mm.
261
00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:03,235
What is that? Oh, my God.
262
00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,304
Are you trying to poison me?
That's not alcohol.
263
00:10:05,406 --> 00:10:06,738
No, it's my special "uni-tea."
264
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:09,441
Well, it's selling like
hotcakes.
265
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:10,609
Drink up, ladies.
266
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,311
It helps your prostate.
267
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:14,313
Women don't have a prostate,
goddammit.
268
00:10:14,415 --> 00:10:15,614
Or is that what men
want you to believe?
269
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,466
You're supposed
to be drinking wines.
270
00:10:17,568 --> 00:10:19,601
You know, you're not supposed
to be selling vag rocks
271
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,303
and-and shit tea.
272
00:10:21,405 --> 00:10:24,706
You ca-- six? Six is pathetic,
even for you.
273
00:10:24,809 --> 00:10:28,410
No, you know what's pathetic?
Is this Boggs ladies remake.
274
00:10:28,512 --> 00:10:29,478
-Don't do that.
-Huh? Yeah, no.
275
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:31,580
I will do that.
This Boggs is busted,
276
00:10:31,682 --> 00:10:33,499
'cause I'm doing
my own thing now.
277
00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,567
And it's empowering
and communal.
278
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:38,403
Next level shit, right, ladies?
279
00:10:38,506 --> 00:10:39,705
Not to mention I've already
taken these bitches
280
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,373
for three hundo, so, what?
281
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,510
All right, goddammit, Mrs. Mac,
Artemis is out.
282
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:47,412
Yeah. Out... of this world.
283
00:10:47,515 --> 00:10:48,747
Sw-- Oh, okay.
284
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,766
All right. Okay.
285
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:52,434
Yeah.
286
00:10:52,536 --> 00:10:55,304
Yeah, six is a yonic number,
I'm cool with it.
287
00:10:55,406 --> 00:10:57,506
Hey, who wants me to read
their moon charts?
288
00:10:57,608 --> 00:10:58,740
-Oh, oh.
-Yes.
289
00:10:58,843 --> 00:11:00,843
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
290
00:11:03,781 --> 00:11:06,615
Where's the goddamn drink slave?
291
00:11:06,717 --> 00:11:08,667
Does anybody here do their job?
292
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:13,405
Oh, hello, Deandra.
293
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,707
Hey. 15, huh?
294
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,509
Nice. I underestimated you,
champ.
295
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,678
I'm trying to find the guy
to get us some more drinks
296
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,480
to calm your nerves,
but I think...
297
00:11:21,582 --> 00:11:23,565
Oh, I don't need any more.
I found a man
298
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,234
to help me feel safe.
299
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,702
-Who, the waiter?
-No.
300
00:11:26,804 --> 00:11:28,437
A real man.
301
00:11:33,744 --> 00:11:35,444
Yo!
302
00:11:35,546 --> 00:11:38,247
Frank. What... What the hell
are you doing here?
303
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:39,414
I'm posting up.
304
00:11:39,517 --> 00:11:41,266
I figure a plane full of broads,
305
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,601
there's gonna
be a lot of horny women,
306
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,704
so I'm like a spider waiting
back here to catch some flies.
307
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,506
No. No, goddamn it.
308
00:11:47,608 --> 00:11:48,674
This is my all-female version.
309
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,309
You're not supposed to be here.
310
00:11:50,411 --> 00:11:52,544
Whe... In every reboot
you gotta have somebody
311
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,646
from the original
to make a cameo.
312
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,315
-No.
-Hey.
313
00:11:56,417 --> 00:11:57,533
I heard there's a man back here.
314
00:11:57,635 --> 00:12:00,302
Oh. Nope. It's just you.
315
00:12:00,404 --> 00:12:01,703
-Want to rumble?
-No, I don't,
316
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:05,474
but I do want to beat Dennis,
so just pop it in.
317
00:12:08,479 --> 00:12:10,546
I'm gonna need more wine.
318
00:12:10,648 --> 00:12:12,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa, drink slave.
319
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,515
Been looking all over
the damn plane.
320
00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:14,666
I need more five more bottles.
321
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,301
Sorry, that is not possible.
322
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,569
One of our premier passengers
just bought
323
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:19,271
the rest of the bottles
on the plane.
324
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:20,606
What? Who?
325
00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,374
Whoa.
326
00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:24,509
Coach people are not
allowed in first class.
327
00:12:24,612 --> 00:12:26,311
Oh.
328
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,447
Okay, so I'm a second-class
person?
329
00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:30,566
-Mm.
-Is that 'cause I'm a woman?
330
00:12:30,651 --> 00:12:32,267
-Did you hear that, ladies?!
-That's not what I said.
331
00:12:32,369 --> 00:12:33,368
Oh, Oh, my God!
332
00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:36,371
Did you just
try and slap me in my face?
333
00:12:36,473 --> 00:12:39,274
-No.
-Oh, you better
say cheese, buddy,
334
00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:41,376
'cause you're about to go viral.
335
00:12:41,478 --> 00:12:43,445
-CHARLIE (on phone):
Got to connect the Wi-Fi...
-MAC: Oh, she picked up.
336
00:12:43,547 --> 00:12:45,747
(audio breaking up):
-Oh, hi, Dee.
-Hey. Hi.
337
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,399
What are you guys
doing on my phone?
338
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:48,567
(audio breaking up)
339
00:12:48,669 --> 00:12:50,402
How many checks
do you have on your...
340
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:51,737
-CHARLIE: It's only got
20-20 beers.
-No.
341
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,406
-MAC: We knew
you wouldn't do it.
-No, 20 wines. I sw...
342
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:55,674
-We had to switch to wine.
-Three beers. Three beers.
343
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,376
-They ran out of the beers.
-We knew you wouldn't do it.
344
00:12:57,478 --> 00:12:59,411
-Wine has a higher
blood alcohol content.
-(Mac and Charlie shouting)
345
00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:02,714
-DEE: They switched to wine
'cause of Women's March.
-(yelling indistinctly)
346
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,600
-There is no smoking in here.
-A higher blood alcohol...
347
00:13:04,702 --> 00:13:06,234
-Whoever's in there...
Is this a friend of yours?
-(alarm blaring)
348
00:13:06,337 --> 00:13:07,536
-Who is this?
-Oh, my God.
349
00:13:07,638 --> 00:13:09,237
-Goddamn it, Mrs. Mac.
-Hello?
350
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,405
ATTENDANT:
Hello?
351
00:13:10,507 --> 00:13:12,641
-It's the women pilots!
-ATTENDANT: What? No.
352
00:13:12,743 --> 00:13:15,577
Oh, we're all gonna crash!
353
00:13:15,696 --> 00:13:17,312
-No, we're not. Ma'am. Ma'am.
-(sobbing)
354
00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:19,247
I've got to get out of here!
355
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,566
-We're fine, calm down.
-You've got to take over
the controls!
356
00:13:21,669 --> 00:13:23,535
All right, where's the wine?
357
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,238
Which one of you first-class
assholes decided
358
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:27,539
to go and take all the wine?
359
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,441
'Cause I'm gonna be needing
a fe-a few of 'em back.
360
00:13:29,543 --> 00:13:30,709
GAIL:
Looking for this?
361
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:32,778
(slurping)
362
00:13:35,416 --> 00:13:36,548
-Snail?
-Yeah.
363
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:39,334
Heard you were doing the
Boggs Soggs lady reboot thing.
364
00:13:39,436 --> 00:13:41,236
Did you lose my invitation?
365
00:13:41,338 --> 00:13:42,504
No. You weren't invited.
366
00:13:42,606 --> 00:13:43,772
Come on. You don't want
the coolest chick
367
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,340
in the world around?
368
00:13:45,442 --> 00:13:47,542
You're so jealous, obvi.
369
00:13:47,645 --> 00:13:49,311
I'm not jealous of you,
I didn't invite you
370
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:50,545
because you're the worst.
371
00:13:50,648 --> 00:13:52,564
Oh, really? 'Cause I'm gonna
ruin your game now.
372
00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:53,765
Good luck beating the guys.
373
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,601
You're stuck at 20,
'cause I bought all the wine.
374
00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,570
Mm-mmm.
375
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,539
-I'm gonna salt you, Snail!
(grunts) Back!
-Mm-mmm... Mm!
376
00:14:00,641 --> 00:14:03,308
-Stop it! Help me!
-(Waitress singing on intercom)
377
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,577
-Stewardess!
-Oh, what now?
378
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,246
(slurring):
� When funny little men �
379
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:10,365
� Are walking down
the golden road �
380
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,634
� Rainbows,
rainbows and wine... �
381
00:14:12,736 --> 00:14:15,270
Oh, wine. May I borrow this?
382
00:14:15,372 --> 00:14:17,639
Thank you.
383
00:14:17,741 --> 00:14:19,474
She's gone full Judy Garland.
384
00:14:19,576 --> 00:14:21,276
Isn't it glorious?
385
00:14:21,345 --> 00:14:22,811
All right. Well, you don't
do the mic thing, though.
386
00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:25,380
-The mic thing...
Uh, the mic thing is my thing.
-� Rainbows and wine �
387
00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:27,699
-� Rainbows and... � No! no!
-Yeah. Yeah, I did the mic thing
last time and it killed,
388
00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:31,236
but when you do it, it just
seems to be depressing and sad.
389
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:35,240
That's because when women drink,
it is depressing and sad.
390
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,276
I had sex in the bathroom
with Frank,
391
00:14:38,379 --> 00:14:42,280
and now I'm in a shame spiral.
392
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:43,515
I'm gonna drink myself to death.
393
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:46,601
Okay, there you go.
Whatever keeps you going.
394
00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:49,304
Stand up, though, okay?
Stand up, though, Waitress.
395
00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:51,707
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no. Stay with me. Hey.
396
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:54,376
-Stay with me. Hang in there.
-(moaning) Dennis.
397
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,411
Not Dennis!
Don't-don't do...
398
00:14:56,513 --> 00:14:58,413
Don't touch me, okay?
Wake up. We're not...
399
00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:01,299
Goddamn it. We're not even
halfway to California.
400
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:04,569
Step aside, Dee,
and let me do my job.
401
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,571
Fine. Goddamn it.
402
00:15:07,775 --> 00:15:10,442
(mutters)
403
00:15:12,813 --> 00:15:14,713
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
404
00:15:18,402 --> 00:15:20,302
WOMAN:
Giving up so easy?
405
00:15:20,404 --> 00:15:22,337
(gasps)
406
00:15:22,439 --> 00:15:24,539
Martina Navratilova?
407
00:15:24,641 --> 00:15:26,641
I never thought you'd give up
when you're so close
408
00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:28,510
to beating the record.
409
00:15:28,612 --> 00:15:30,445
(sighs)
I can't do it, Marty.
410
00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:32,614
-Don't call me that.
-Well, I'm all out of booze,
411
00:15:32,716 --> 00:15:34,366
and I'm all out of motivation.
412
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:36,234
Right? 'Cause my competition
pussed out, up there.
413
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,603
-(moaning)
-And this one back here.
414
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,539
-(snoring)
-It was my hatred for them
415
00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:41,706
that kept me going.
416
00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:44,309
It's not about
hating your opponent.
417
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,545
Chris Evert and I were
actually good friends.
418
00:15:46,647 --> 00:15:48,513
We'd play a hard match,
419
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,599
but then go out
for dinner after.
420
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:53,602
Male opponents had the luxury
of hating each other.
421
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:56,438
But, as women,
we had to stick together
422
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,440
to fight for the respect
we deserve
423
00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,642
and grow the sport.
424
00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:02,744
-Get it?
-Yeah.
425
00:16:02,846 --> 00:16:04,780
You and Chris were...
426
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,515
No.
427
00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:08,233
-No.
-No.
428
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,402
-Okay, I don't get it.
-You and your friends need to...
429
00:16:10,504 --> 00:16:12,237
-You know what? Forget it.
-What?
430
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,472
You're using me as inspiration,
431
00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:15,373
but you don't know
anything about me.
432
00:16:15,476 --> 00:16:17,709
-I don't even look like this.
-Yeah, you do.
433
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:21,480
No, it's just your imagination
filling in the blanks.
434
00:16:21,582 --> 00:16:23,682
Really?
435
00:16:23,801 --> 00:16:26,334
Now you're imagining me
as Lori Petty
436
00:16:26,436 --> 00:16:27,636
in A League of Their Own.
437
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:29,437
That was a good female reboot.
438
00:16:29,540 --> 00:16:31,406
No, it was its own thing.
439
00:16:31,508 --> 00:16:34,309
And just so you know,
I never drank 70 beers
440
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:36,645
before winning
the California Open.
441
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:38,580
That's not even a real event.
442
00:16:38,682 --> 00:16:41,466
Your whole hallucination
is a mess.
443
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,368
Who cares?
Tennis is boring.
444
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,403
Let's face it, I'm not gonna
find my Chris Evert
445
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:46,571
in this sea of duds.
446
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,540
It's over.
447
00:16:48,642 --> 00:16:52,377
Deandra, you should have
let them crazy boys do this.
448
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,545
Well, now, don't you start.
449
00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:55,413
GAIL:
I'll be your Chris Evert.
450
00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,666
No, get out of here, Snail.
I don't respect you.
451
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,367
Oh, yeah?
Well, respect this.
452
00:16:59,469 --> 00:17:00,769
I've been playing the game
the whole time.
453
00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:03,305
You're one behind me, loser.
454
00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:05,407
Snail.
455
00:17:07,477 --> 00:17:10,378
Let's do this.
456
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,713
-("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
-(Dee moaning)
457
00:17:11,815 --> 00:17:14,366
(Gail moaning)
458
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,642
Too much spit.
459
00:17:23,744 --> 00:17:26,244
(slurring):
Ah, I did it! I did it.
460
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,613
I'm Mar-I'm Martina!
461
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,433
It's okay, baby girl.
It's over.
462
00:17:31,535 --> 00:17:33,268
I know it's over.
463
00:17:33,370 --> 00:17:34,469
'Cause I beat Martina.
464
00:17:34,571 --> 00:17:36,404
I beat Boggs.
465
00:17:36,506 --> 00:17:38,406
I'm about to beat all of 'em.
466
00:17:38,508 --> 00:17:40,408
No. It's over.
467
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:43,645
I'm pulling the plug
on your male hand-me-down plot.
468
00:17:43,747 --> 00:17:46,314
As women, we deserve better.
469
00:17:46,416 --> 00:17:48,500
We deserve our own story.
470
00:17:48,602 --> 00:17:50,735
-(coughing, retching)
-What is happening?
471
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,437
That tea that I served
472
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,340
was spiked with ayahuasca.
473
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,509
� We're talkin' baseball �
474
00:17:57,611 --> 00:17:59,778
� Kluszewski, Campanella �
475
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,780
� Talkin' baseball �
476
00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:05,400
� The Man and Bobby Feller,
the Scooter... �
477
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,702
(retching, farting)
478
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:09,638
Oh, no!
479
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,539
It's coming out both ends.
480
00:18:11,642 --> 00:18:13,642
(retching)
481
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,644
-The maximum gross-out.
-(farts)
482
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:18,546
So nobody saw that coming
from women.
483
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:20,699
(farting, coughing)
484
00:18:30,644 --> 00:18:32,410
, God, wha...
What is going on?
485
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,079
I'm tripping so hard.
486
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,547
(gasps)
Where are we?
487
00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:37,365
Are we in L.A.?
488
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:39,501
-No. We're in North Dakota.
-Mm.
489
00:18:39,603 --> 00:18:42,203
And only those passengers
deemed fit to fly
490
00:18:42,306 --> 00:18:44,239
will go on to Los Angeles.
491
00:18:44,341 --> 00:18:45,607
And you're not one of them.
492
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,275
-No.
-Oh. Wait.
493
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,277
One more thing.
494
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:50,679
Mm...
495
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:55,533
Okay.
496
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:57,469
Bye-bye.
Thank you for flying with us.
497
00:18:57,587 --> 00:18:59,571
(farting, moaning)
498
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,407
(tires screech)
499
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,644
California, USA.
500
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,582
-Meh.
-Mmm...
501
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:16,237
(laughs)
502
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,139
Meh.
503
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:20,141
Captioning sponsored by
SUNNY TELEVISION PRODUCTIONS
504
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:22,210
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
505
00:19:54,244 --> 00:19:57,212
(trio chanting backwards)
42962
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