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(distant rumbling)
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(water dripping)
(metallic creaking)
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00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:22,074
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(breath hissing)
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(fluid dripping)
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(splattering)
(bubbling)
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(rattling)
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(dramatic music)
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- [Narrator] Global warning is upon us,
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the Earth is in crises.
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It is a time in need of heroes,
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especially in one
particular, horrible place.
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(slow sympathetic music)
(sighing)
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- Ah.
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♪ There's a ♪
(coughing)
16
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(audience laughing)
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♪ There's a place
between heaven and hell ♪
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♪ Don't need no map,
just follow the smell ♪
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♪ A place filled with filthy air ♪
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♪ A place full of dark despair ♪
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♪ A place you have no prayer ♪
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♪ A place called ♪
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(audience snickering)
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♪ New Jersey ♪
(dramatic music)
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♪ New Jersey ♪
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♪ New Jersey ♪
27
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♪ The Garden State ♪
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(lively music)
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00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,297
♪ There's an exit called the 13B ♪
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00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:53,730
♪ Right off the turnpike where
it smells just like pee ♪
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♪ An exit no one dares get off ♪
32
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,970
♪ An exit where the children cough ♪
33
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♪ An exit called Tromaville ♪
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(thunder crackling)
♪ Tromaville ♪
35
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:14,120
♪ If the pollution doesn't
get you, the aroma will ♪
36
00:03:15,789 --> 00:03:18,418
♪ Who will save New Jersey? ♪
37
00:03:18,418 --> 00:03:21,458
♪ We're dying for some air ♪
38
00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:24,669
♪ There's no hope in New Jersey, Lord ♪
39
00:03:24,669 --> 00:03:27,376
♪ Does anybody care ♪
40
00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:30,876
♪ Lord, does anybody care ♪
41
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,829
- Ladies and gentlemen,
42
00:03:34,829 --> 00:03:38,130
the story we're about to
tell you is so disturbing,
43
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:41,626
we have stationed a registered
nurse outside in the lobby.
44
00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:44,045
- She has doctor
prescribed Valium to sedate
45
00:03:44,045 --> 00:03:45,651
the easily terrified!
46
00:03:45,651 --> 00:03:50,336
- She also has Prozac and
ketamine she got off the internet.
47
00:03:50,336 --> 00:03:54,474
- And for the love of God, do
not turn off your cell phones!
48
00:03:54,474 --> 00:03:56,965
- The next few hours
are a part of your life
49
00:03:56,965 --> 00:03:59,784
you're never getting back!
50
00:03:59,784 --> 00:04:02,879
♪ There's no hope in New Jersey ♪
51
00:04:02,879 --> 00:04:05,685
♪ We're hanging by a thread ♪
52
00:04:05,685 --> 00:04:08,692
♪ We're choking in New Jersey ♪
53
00:04:08,692 --> 00:04:12,596
♪ We might as well be dead ♪
54
00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,944
♪ Lord, we need a favor ♪
55
00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:18,022
♪ We need a soggy savior ♪
56
00:04:18,022 --> 00:04:22,965
♪ But who, who, who ♪
57
00:04:22,965 --> 00:04:24,743
♪ Who ♪
58
00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:27,194
♪ I will save New Jersey ♪
59
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♪ I'm Melvin Ferd III ♪
60
00:04:29,323 --> 00:04:30,495
♪ Not him, Lord ♪
61
00:04:30,495 --> 00:04:33,259
♪ I'm here for you, New Jersey ♪
62
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♪ On that you have my word ♪
63
00:04:36,762 --> 00:04:39,442
♪ There must be a solution ♪
64
00:04:39,442 --> 00:04:42,444
♪ To end this damn pollution ♪
65
00:04:42,444 --> 00:04:47,444
♪ It's time to start a global revolution ♪
66
00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:51,868
♪ Sister, look at what
has infested our town ♪
67
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:54,931
♪ What is that wretchedness ♪
68
00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:57,721
♪ It's waste, toxic waste ♪
69
00:04:57,721 --> 00:05:00,979
♪ The worst problem we ever faced ♪
70
00:05:00,979 --> 00:05:03,468
♪ It's sick, God, its sick ♪
71
00:05:03,468 --> 00:05:07,196
♪ Look what it did to my measuring stick ♪
72
00:05:07,196 --> 00:05:09,196
- But where did it come from?
73
00:05:09,196 --> 00:05:12,236
- Look there, across the
Hudson River, what do you see?
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00:05:12,236 --> 00:05:13,196
- Manhattan.
75
00:05:13,196 --> 00:05:15,606
- The beautiful, conceited
people of Manhattan.
76
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,497
Happy to use New Jersey as
their toxic dumping ground!
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00:05:18,497 --> 00:05:20,216
(energetic music)
78
00:05:20,216 --> 00:05:22,908
♪ Now listen up Manhattan ♪
79
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:25,756
♪ We know you're stinking rich ♪
80
00:05:25,756 --> 00:05:28,782
♪ Your bed sheets may be satin ♪
81
00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:32,276
♪ But Jersey's not your bitch ♪
82
00:05:32,276 --> 00:05:35,828
♪ Jersey's not your bitch ♪
83
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- Bless you son!
84
00:05:36,812 --> 00:05:38,340
(audience chuckling)
85
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,916
- And don't worry, Sister!
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00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:42,516
I won't let anything stop me!
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00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,156
(bullies laughing)
88
00:05:44,156 --> 00:05:46,503
Oh, no, the town bullies!
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00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:51,503
(dramatic music)
(groaning)
90
00:05:52,283 --> 00:05:57,200
(hits thudding)
(laughing)
91
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,773
Nuggie!
(grunting)
92
00:06:05,773 --> 00:06:08,607
(audience chuckling)
93
00:06:08,607 --> 00:06:10,043
- [Both] Word!
94
00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:11,758
(bullies laughing
(audience chuckling)
95
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:14,341
(tender music)
96
00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:18,246
♪ God I love New Jersey ♪
97
00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:22,461
♪ It's such a state of mind ♪
98
00:06:22,461 --> 00:06:25,793
♪ Why do I love Jersey ♪
99
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:28,833
♪ Probably 'cause I'm blind ♪
100
00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:29,862
(audience chuckling)
101
00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:32,094
- Hey, Sarah, it's me Melvin.
102
00:06:32,094 --> 00:06:33,732
Down here!
- Huh?
103
00:06:33,732 --> 00:06:34,956
(grunting)
(audience chuckling)
104
00:06:34,956 --> 00:06:36,632
Oh, hi Melvin.
105
00:06:36,632 --> 00:06:39,364
Hey have you noticed a
new smell in town lately?
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00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:41,817
- It's giant vats of toxic, nuclear waste!
107
00:06:41,817 --> 00:06:43,452
- Well that makes sense.
108
00:06:43,452 --> 00:06:46,992
Yesterday I turned on my kitchen
faucet and fire came out!
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00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:47,914
(audience chuckling)
110
00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:49,131
Oh gosh.
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00:06:49,131 --> 00:06:52,182
♪ Won't someone save New Jersey ♪
112
00:06:52,182 --> 00:06:54,761
♪ That's my greatest wish ♪
113
00:06:54,761 --> 00:06:56,309
- Oh oh oh...
(audience chuckling)
114
00:06:56,309 --> 00:06:59,010
♪ I will save New Jersey ♪
115
00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:01,485
♪ From mutant strains of fish ♪
116
00:07:01,485 --> 00:07:03,748
(lively music)
- What fish?
117
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:06,700
♪ In Tromaville ♪
118
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,738
♪ In Tromaville ♪
119
00:07:09,738 --> 00:07:14,738
♪ If the pollution doesn't
get you, the aroma will ♪
120
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:18,210
- Oh look, the first sun bird of spring!
121
00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,148
(chirping)
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00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,490
(thumping)
(audience laughing)
123
00:07:22,490 --> 00:07:24,402
- So, there you have it.
124
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,340
There will be one brief intermission!
125
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,590
This show is 18 hours long!
126
00:07:31,759 --> 00:07:34,340
♪ Help us win, New Jersey ♪
127
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:37,399
♪ And save us from this goo ♪
128
00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,938
♪ Crap, I just got scurvy ♪
129
00:07:39,938 --> 00:07:43,848
♪ Good God, what can we do ♪
130
00:07:43,848 --> 00:07:46,292
♪ Damn it, we're New Jersey ♪
131
00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:49,508
♪ We're drowning in the muck ♪
132
00:07:49,508 --> 00:07:52,239
♪ Say a prayer for Jersey ♪
133
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:55,308
♪ Or else we're good and fucked ♪
134
00:07:55,308 --> 00:08:00,018
♪ Good God, we're good and fucked ♪
135
00:08:00,018 --> 00:08:02,873
♪ New Jersey ♪
136
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:06,268
♪ New Jersey ♪
137
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:09,522
♪ Who will save ♪
138
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:14,178
♪ Who will save ♪
139
00:08:14,178 --> 00:08:18,527
♪ Jersey, the Garden State ♪
140
00:08:18,527 --> 00:08:21,463
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
141
00:08:21,463 --> 00:08:24,296
(energetic music)
142
00:08:32,318 --> 00:08:34,402
- 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26.
143
00:08:36,169 --> 00:08:39,419
(audience snickering)
144
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:56,879
(clicking)
(audience snickering)
145
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,559
(clicking)
146
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:00,791
- Hi Sarah!
147
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,789
Gosh you look awfully pretty today.
148
00:09:02,789 --> 00:09:06,130
- Oh, Melvin you always say
the nicest things to me!
149
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,759
- Well you're like the
greatest person in Tromaville.
150
00:09:08,759 --> 00:09:11,311
You're smart, and nice, and you spend your
151
00:09:11,311 --> 00:09:14,159
whole day helping people
as our town librarian!
152
00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:16,210
And even though you have a handicap,
153
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,330
you don't want any special
treatment from anyone!
154
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:20,709
- Excuse me!
155
00:09:20,709 --> 00:09:21,810
I'm wondering if you can help me.
156
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,199
I'm looking for a book on folk singing.
157
00:09:24,199 --> 00:09:27,829
(audience snickering)
- No, sorry.
158
00:09:27,829 --> 00:09:28,662
I'm blind.
159
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:30,826
Okay bye.
160
00:09:30,826 --> 00:09:34,409
Melvin, Melvin I have
a confession to make.
161
00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:38,010
I don't want to spend the rest of my days
162
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,380
helping people in this library!
163
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,770
What I really want to do is write a book,
164
00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,919
a meaningful and important
book that you can
165
00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:47,239
download on your iPhone!
166
00:09:47,239 --> 00:09:48,389
Hey have you figured out how you're gonna
167
00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:49,669
save New Jersey yet?
168
00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:50,876
(audience chuckling)
- Well, I had this
169
00:09:50,876 --> 00:09:52,349
cockamamy idea!
- Uh-hmm.
170
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:54,547
- See, I've been examining all those vats,
171
00:09:54,547 --> 00:09:56,680
and there's the name of a
corporation written on them.
172
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,106
And guess what it is?
173
00:09:58,106 --> 00:09:59,977
The Good Earth.
174
00:09:59,977 --> 00:10:02,310
- Oh no, not the Good Earth!
175
00:10:03,417 --> 00:10:05,537
- Yes, they're assaulting our planet and
176
00:10:05,537 --> 00:10:08,129
defaming a classic American
Oprah-endorsed novel
177
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,068
all at the same time.
178
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,489
- Oprah.
(audience snickering)
179
00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,583
- If only I could get
to the bottom of it all!
180
00:10:14,583 --> 00:10:17,580
If only I could locate
the official town records!
181
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:20,289
- Melvin, the official
town records are here,
182
00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:22,078
in the town library!
183
00:10:22,078 --> 00:10:24,066
Oh but I promised the mayor that I
184
00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:25,998
wouldn't show 'em to anyone.
185
00:10:25,998 --> 00:10:27,958
- Oh, I understand.
186
00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:31,620
- But, you're not just anyone are you?
187
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:32,870
- I'm not?
- No!
188
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:38,146
You are the sweetest
kindest man I ever met.
189
00:10:38,146 --> 00:10:38,998
- Shut up!
190
00:10:38,998 --> 00:10:40,744
(audience chuckling)
Really?
191
00:10:40,744 --> 00:10:42,964
- And Melvin, the records
are in a box in the back,
192
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:45,071
and I didn't want anyone
to ever look inside
193
00:10:45,071 --> 00:10:47,985
so I labeled them
important policy speeches
194
00:10:47,985 --> 00:10:52,402
of Ivanka Trump!
(audience chuckling)
195
00:10:54,532 --> 00:10:57,516
- Sarah, I could just kiss you!
196
00:10:57,516 --> 00:10:58,740
Please?
- Uh...
197
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,649
(audience chuckling)
Hey you know what I
198
00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:01,636
just realized?
199
00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,191
We've known each other a few months now,
200
00:11:03,191 --> 00:11:06,202
and I don't even know what
you look like (chuckles).
201
00:11:06,202 --> 00:11:09,105
Could I um, well could I feel your face?
202
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,238
- Oh, gee, I don't think
that's such a good idea!
203
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,465
- Melvin, don't tell me you
suffer from low self esteem?
204
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,073
- No I'm just unattractive.
205
00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:17,723
(audience chuckling)
- Now silly everyone
206
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,443
is beautiful in their own way!
207
00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:20,553
- But I'm not.
- But you are!
208
00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:21,585
- But I'm not.
- But you are!
209
00:11:21,585 --> 00:11:22,603
- But I'm not.
- But you are!
210
00:11:22,603 --> 00:11:24,054
- But I'm not--
211
00:11:24,054 --> 00:11:25,894
(audience chuckling)
212
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,727
- Let's have a look...
213
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,763
That is so greasy...
214
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,763
(audience laughing)
215
00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:47,298
Well, maybe you have a beautiful soul.
216
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:50,403
(audience chuckling)
217
00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,771
- Uh, I should go and get the records.
218
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,521
(dramatic music)
219
00:11:57,363 --> 00:11:58,427
- Hey!
- Oh!
220
00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:01,190
- We need a book!
- Any book!
221
00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:02,773
- Sorry, I'm blind!
222
00:12:04,477 --> 00:12:06,419
Okay bye!
- Hey!
223
00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:08,797
You don't know who
you're talking to do 'ya?
224
00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:11,277
- He's Sluggo, I'm Bozo!
225
00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:14,112
- And we're the stars of
Tromaville High football team!
226
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,819
- For the last seven years!
227
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,019
(grunting)
228
00:12:18,019 --> 00:12:20,974
- And coach says we gotta read a book now!
229
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:23,048
- Coach says our teachers are getting mad
230
00:12:23,048 --> 00:12:24,779
'cause we're elastic!
231
00:12:24,779 --> 00:12:26,657
- Illiterate!
232
00:12:26,657 --> 00:12:28,659
- Yeah!
- And you know what,
233
00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:31,086
you're sort of pretty for a book lady!
234
00:12:31,086 --> 00:12:33,728
(laughing)
- Oh yeah!
235
00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:35,906
(barking)
- If you don't-don't, stop it!
236
00:12:35,906 --> 00:12:37,703
You get out of--
- Sarah I found it!
237
00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:40,115
Hey you get away from her or else!
238
00:12:40,115 --> 00:12:42,195
- Or else (gibbers) what?
239
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,797
(audience chuckling)
- Or, or else,
240
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,093
maybe I'll hit you or something, maybe.
241
00:12:47,093 --> 00:12:50,263
- Melvin, violence is always wrong,
242
00:12:50,263 --> 00:12:52,475
even though it's often entertaining.
243
00:12:52,475 --> 00:12:54,164
- Oh yeah (giggles)?
- Hey!
244
00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,710
- Hey you leave her alone!
245
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:59,043
- And what's she to you, butt-face?
246
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:00,462
- Well, nothing.
- Huh?
247
00:13:00,462 --> 00:13:01,521
- She's nothing.
- Huh?
248
00:13:01,521 --> 00:13:02,604
- She's nothing.
- Huh?
249
00:13:02,604 --> 00:13:06,974
- Dammit I love her!
(audience chuckling)
250
00:13:06,974 --> 00:13:10,361
- I'm (mumbles), you, what...
251
00:13:10,361 --> 00:13:13,163
(laughing)
252
00:13:13,163 --> 00:13:16,003
- Come on, let's get out of here!
253
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,501
- Yep!
254
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:18,970
Love makes me nervous.
255
00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:22,747
(audience chuckling)
256
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:24,390
- Oh Sarah, I didn't mean that!
257
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,315
- Uh, no, that's okay Melvin.
258
00:13:26,315 --> 00:13:28,051
- You mean you feel the same about me?
259
00:13:28,051 --> 00:13:30,822
- Oh no, I'm just uh,
I'm just pretending like
260
00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,929
I didn't hear it...
(audience chuckling)
261
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:35,846
So what did you find in the the t--
262
00:13:37,502 --> 00:13:39,710
Wha...
(audience snickering)
263
00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,778
What uh, what did you
find in the (mumbles)...
264
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:45,920
So what did you find in the town files?
265
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,080
- Information so
disturbing, it could topple
266
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,320
the powers that run our tiny metropolis.
267
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,702
- What, do you mean the mayor?
268
00:13:51,702 --> 00:13:54,550
Oh Melvin are you saying
you're gonna fight the mayor?
269
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:55,441
- Me?
270
00:13:55,441 --> 00:13:56,626
Oh don't be ridiculous!
271
00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:58,302
- Now don't tell me you're scared!
272
00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:00,491
- Oh, in fact I'm
intimidated by any person
273
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:01,994
in any position of authority!
274
00:14:01,994 --> 00:14:04,600
- So you're just going to
let the Good Earth turn
275
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,896
Tromaville into a, a cesspool
of pollution and disease?
276
00:14:07,896 --> 00:14:09,581
- I hate any form of conflict!
277
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:11,360
(smacking)
Oh!
278
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:15,277
- Well then, someone has
a dilemma, don't they?
279
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:20,165
One, two, three, four, five, six--
280
00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:22,798
- Sarah did you really think I--
281
00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:24,902
Do you really think I could--
- Melvin,
282
00:14:24,902 --> 00:14:29,307
may I touch your body's
most exciting organ?
283
00:14:29,307 --> 00:14:30,140
- What...
284
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:34,263
(tender music)
285
00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,568
- Hmm, I was right.
286
00:14:36,568 --> 00:14:38,985
You do have a beautiful soul.
287
00:14:41,324 --> 00:14:44,032
(mumbles), oh seven, seven, eight...
288
00:14:44,032 --> 00:14:48,907
♪ I will save you Sarah ♪
289
00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:53,907
♪ I'll clean the air for you ♪
290
00:14:55,077 --> 00:15:00,077
♪ And if I save you Sarah ♪
291
00:15:00,178 --> 00:15:03,928
♪ Perhaps you'll love me too ♪
292
00:15:07,549 --> 00:15:12,549
(sympathetic music)
(audience applauding)
293
00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:23,418
♪ I'm the mayor of this crappy town ♪
294
00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:28,418
♪ So let me tell you
how it's gonna go down ♪
295
00:15:28,669 --> 00:15:33,203
♪ Now I'm gonna star your toxic trash ♪
296
00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:37,378
♪ And you will pay me boatloads of cash ♪
297
00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:40,557
♪ Cash, cash ♪
298
00:15:40,557 --> 00:15:43,381
♪ I'm just a Jersey girl ♪
299
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:46,184
♪ I'm gonna rule the world ♪
300
00:15:46,184 --> 00:15:49,075
♪ I was born to run this state ♪
301
00:15:49,075 --> 00:15:50,998
♪ She was born, she was born to run ♪
302
00:15:50,998 --> 00:15:53,997
♪ She's got a lot of love in her ♪
303
00:15:53,997 --> 00:15:56,045
♪ So I'm gonna be the governor ♪
304
00:15:56,045 --> 00:15:59,128
♪ The on the take candidate ♪
305
00:15:59,128 --> 00:16:01,088
♪ On the take, she's on the take ♪
306
00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:06,088
♪ She's gonna be the next governor ♪
307
00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:13,313
♪ To run this state you
must shake it down ♪
308
00:16:13,313 --> 00:16:14,565
♪ Tell us more ♪
309
00:16:14,565 --> 00:16:18,437
♪ You lie or cheat or you sleep around ♪
310
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,917
♪ She's a whore ♪
311
00:16:19,917 --> 00:16:24,546
♪ I do things the Jersey way ♪
312
00:16:24,546 --> 00:16:29,325
♪ And there's only one thing to say ♪
313
00:16:29,325 --> 00:16:32,076
♪ I'm just a Jersey gal ♪
314
00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,765
♪ A feisty femme fatale ♪
315
00:16:34,765 --> 00:16:37,672
♪ I'll be living on a prayer ♪
316
00:16:37,672 --> 00:16:39,566
♪ She'll be living, living on a prayer ♪
317
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,029
♪ So watch me as I campaign ♪
318
00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:44,642
♪ Through snow and sleet and acid rain ♪
319
00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:47,746
♪ Can you feel the love
in the Jersey air ♪
320
00:16:47,746 --> 00:16:49,648
♪ Feel the love, feel
the love in the air ♪
321
00:16:49,648 --> 00:16:52,181
♪ She's just a Jersey dame ♪
322
00:16:52,181 --> 00:16:53,508
(mumbling)
♪ Everybody's ♪
323
00:16:53,508 --> 00:16:55,356
♪ High school flame ♪
- Haven't I seen you somewhere
324
00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:56,768
around my campaign
♪ She was born to run ♪
325
00:16:56,768 --> 00:16:57,916
- trail?
♪ this state ♪
326
00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,797
♪ I was born, I was born to run ♪
327
00:16:59,797 --> 00:17:02,316
♪ She's got a lot of love in her ♪
328
00:17:02,316 --> 00:17:04,717
♪ There's an angel from above in her ♪
329
00:17:04,717 --> 00:17:09,717
♪ Cause someday, I'm
gonna be the governor ♪
330
00:17:09,836 --> 00:17:12,717
♪ You know what to do boys ♪
331
00:17:12,717 --> 00:17:13,550
You!
332
00:17:18,597 --> 00:17:20,430
♪ Ooh ♪
333
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,066
♪ I'm gonna be ♪
♪ She's gonna be ♪
334
00:17:27,066 --> 00:17:31,678
♪ A gorgeous, governor ♪
335
00:17:31,678 --> 00:17:34,162
♪ Oh oh ♪
336
00:17:34,162 --> 00:17:39,162
♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
337
00:17:40,431 --> 00:17:42,681
♪ Governor ♪
338
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,278
(audience applauding)
339
00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:56,871
- Excuse me.
340
00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:58,860
(audience snickering)
341
00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,860
- Okay boys.
342
00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:03,636
See you next week.
343
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:10,828
Who are you and how the
hell did you get in here?
344
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,194
- Your secretary wasn't there.
345
00:18:12,194 --> 00:18:15,370
- Dammit, never hire your mother.
346
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:17,605
- Madam Mayor, I am Melvin Ferd III,
347
00:18:17,605 --> 00:18:20,023
an aspiring Earth Scientist
and you must listen to me!
348
00:18:20,023 --> 00:18:21,916
- Oh!
- I know who owns the evil
349
00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:24,450
Good Earth Corporation that's
been polluting our town!
350
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,276
- What, who?
351
00:18:26,276 --> 00:18:27,519
- You!
- What?
352
00:18:27,519 --> 00:18:28,820
- You own the Good Earth Corporation.
353
00:18:28,820 --> 00:18:30,032
- I deny it.
354
00:18:30,032 --> 00:18:31,028
- Oh yeah?
355
00:18:31,028 --> 00:18:33,827
In my hand I have the
official town records!
356
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:36,180
- What, but, I hid those records
357
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:39,701
in the town library, and
I hired a blind librarian.
358
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,468
(audience chuckling)
359
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,178
- Madam Mayor, change your evil ways,
360
00:18:44,178 --> 00:18:46,439
or I'll be forced to take these records
361
00:18:46,439 --> 00:18:47,810
to the District Attorney!
362
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,336
(thumping)
Oh!
363
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,828
- You wouldn't!
364
00:18:50,828 --> 00:18:52,930
- Yesterday I wouldn't, but now,
365
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,468
the love of a woman has
taught me to fight the power!
366
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,377
- Fuck!
367
00:18:57,377 --> 00:18:59,538
(audience chuckling)
All right, all right.
368
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,679
Let me think, think think...
369
00:19:01,679 --> 00:19:03,346
All right, I got it.
370
00:19:04,479 --> 00:19:06,577
(sultry music)
371
00:19:06,577 --> 00:19:09,136
Melvin, there's really no need for you
372
00:19:09,136 --> 00:19:11,799
to go do the DA handsome.
373
00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:14,382
- There's not?
- Nooo, 'cause...
374
00:19:15,668 --> 00:19:20,618
♪ You're just a Jersey boy ♪
375
00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:24,079
♪ Who I want to ♪
376
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,862
(gagging)
(audience snickering)
377
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:28,148
♪ Employ ♪
378
00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:28,981
- Employ?
379
00:19:28,981 --> 00:19:33,079
♪ I'll make you my deputy ♪
380
00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:34,988
♪ Deputy gonna be my deputy ♪
381
00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:36,321
- Oh wow really?
382
00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,308
♪ How 'bout a badge for my chest ♪
383
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,453
- Sure!
384
00:19:40,453 --> 00:19:42,788
♪ Boy Sarah's gonna be impressed ♪
385
00:19:42,788 --> 00:19:44,245
♪ Who is Sarah ♪
- She's the blind libr--
386
00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:47,198
♪ Wait, I don't care ♪
387
00:19:47,198 --> 00:19:51,932
♪ I don't care I don't care I don't care ♪
388
00:19:51,932 --> 00:19:54,529
♪ Come back to tomorrow pop ♪
389
00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,068
♪ Now let's get all this cleaning up ♪
390
00:19:57,068 --> 00:20:02,068
♪ (mumbles) from this toxic nightmare ♪
391
00:20:02,317 --> 00:20:04,150
♪ Gee I'm gonna be a ♪
392
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:08,150
♪ Deputy ♪
- Oh my god, thank you!
393
00:20:11,641 --> 00:20:14,254
(tense music)
394
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,587
Sluggo!
- Yeah, Auntie Mayor?
395
00:20:17,635 --> 00:20:19,843
- His name is Melvin
(dramatic music)
396
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,632
Ferd
(dramatic music)
397
00:20:21,632 --> 00:20:23,992
the third.
(dramatic music)
398
00:20:23,992 --> 00:20:25,550
♪ Spill his blood ♪
399
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,931
♪ Spill his guts ♪
400
00:20:26,931 --> 00:20:28,992
♪ He found me out, that little putz ♪
401
00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:31,672
♪ It's time for you to
pray upon the weak ♪
402
00:20:31,672 --> 00:20:32,905
♪ Make him scream ♪
403
00:20:32,905 --> 00:20:34,620
(grunting)
♪ Make him beg ♪
404
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,554
♪ Well, good luck, break a leg ♪
405
00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:38,786
♪ Get juiced and drug induced ♪
406
00:20:38,786 --> 00:20:41,210
♪ And get the geek ♪
(laughing)
407
00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:46,210
♪ Get the, get the geek ♪
408
00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:52,216
♪ Get the, get the geek ♪
409
00:20:53,805 --> 00:20:56,765
♪ All the scumbags I will nab ♪
410
00:20:56,765 --> 00:20:59,776
♪ With my badass deputy badge ♪
411
00:20:59,776 --> 00:21:04,567
♪ Melvin Ferd is on a winning streak ♪
412
00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:05,954
- What?
413
00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:08,816
♪ There's a hero coming your way ♪
414
00:21:08,816 --> 00:21:11,946
♪ I'll get the girl and save the day ♪
415
00:21:11,946 --> 00:21:16,946
♪ And I won't be some circus freak ♪
416
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:21,274
♪ Get the geek, get the geek ♪
417
00:21:21,274 --> 00:21:26,274
♪ Not (mumbles) ♪
418
00:21:28,714 --> 00:21:31,789
♪ Hello, hello geek ♪
419
00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:34,742
- Uh-oh!
(laughing)
420
00:21:34,742 --> 00:21:36,994
♪ Goodbye ♪
421
00:21:36,994 --> 00:21:38,491
♪ Goodbye geek ♪
422
00:21:38,491 --> 00:21:41,171
- Listen fellas, I'm on a vital
mission to save Tromaville!
423
00:21:41,171 --> 00:21:46,171
♪ Get the, get the geek ♪
424
00:21:47,435 --> 00:21:50,406
♪ Get ♪
425
00:21:50,406 --> 00:21:53,577
♪ The ♪
426
00:21:53,577 --> 00:21:55,494
♪ Geek ♪
427
00:21:59,561 --> 00:22:00,950
(clanging)
428
00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:03,658
- [Melvin] Hey, hey fellas,
this stuff could kill me!
429
00:22:03,658 --> 00:22:04,955
(laughing)
430
00:22:04,955 --> 00:22:06,355
- We ain't gonna kill 'ya!
431
00:22:06,355 --> 00:22:09,197
- No, we're just gonna
dip in your nosey nose.
432
00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,898
(chuckling)
- What have I done?
433
00:22:10,898 --> 00:22:12,728
- You've been boffing the mayor!
434
00:22:12,728 --> 00:22:14,707
- [Melvin] Oh, I won't
bop her again, I promise!
435
00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:16,877
Please, please, just don't drop me!
436
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,805
- All right, the
butt-face got the message.
437
00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:21,147
- Should we let him go.
438
00:22:21,147 --> 00:22:23,965
- Yeah, let him go (chuckles).
439
00:22:23,965 --> 00:22:28,447
(Melvin screaming)
(squishing)
440
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,493
(audience snickering)
441
00:22:30,493 --> 00:22:33,826
By let him go, I meant, let him go free!
442
00:22:37,237 --> 00:22:39,965
- Oh...
(audience chuckling)
443
00:22:39,965 --> 00:22:42,397
I hate it when phrases have two meanings!
444
00:22:42,397 --> 00:22:45,925
(audience chuckling)
445
00:22:45,925 --> 00:22:48,614
- You think he's all right?
446
00:22:48,614 --> 00:22:50,237
- Butt-face?
447
00:22:50,237 --> 00:22:52,386
Hey butt-face!
- Come on,
448
00:22:52,386 --> 00:22:54,160
let's get out of here.
449
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:55,239
(Sarah humming)
450
00:22:55,239 --> 00:23:00,096
♪ New Jersey, such a state of mind ♪
451
00:23:00,096 --> 00:23:01,529
- Wait a minute!
452
00:23:01,529 --> 00:23:03,532
Lookee here!
♪ Why do I ♪
453
00:23:03,532 --> 00:23:06,128
- Hey hey hey!
- Who's there?
454
00:23:06,128 --> 00:23:07,387
The two illiterates?
455
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,220
- That be right!
456
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,737
And we just took care of your boyfriend!
457
00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:12,648
- Who?
- The stupid guy.
458
00:23:12,648 --> 00:23:14,909
- Who?
- That ugly guy.
459
00:23:14,909 --> 00:23:17,177
- Oh, Melvin...
(audience snickering)
460
00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:19,222
No no no you see I'm totally
focused on thinking of
461
00:23:19,222 --> 00:23:23,019
a brand new book idea, and then,
I'm gonna send it to Oprah,
462
00:23:23,019 --> 00:23:25,688
because if you want to get
anywhere in the book industry
463
00:23:25,688 --> 00:23:28,075
you have got to go through Oprah!
464
00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,027
- Hey!
- So I just uh--
465
00:23:29,027 --> 00:23:31,118
(sinister music)
- Listen blindy,
466
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,427
we taking you on a little date.
467
00:23:33,427 --> 00:23:36,262
- Oh, sorry, I don't date cretins.
468
00:23:36,262 --> 00:23:37,763
(audience snickering)
- Nah, we're talking
469
00:23:37,763 --> 00:23:41,072
'bout a date right here, right now!
470
00:23:41,072 --> 00:23:43,145
- Hey, I need that!
471
00:23:43,145 --> 00:23:47,004
(aggressive music)
♪ Get the, get the chick ♪
472
00:23:47,004 --> 00:23:48,123
(laughing)
- Help, help!
473
00:23:48,123 --> 00:23:49,734
Help, the illiterates have me!
474
00:23:49,734 --> 00:23:53,335
♪ Get the, get the chick ♪
(Sarah whimpering)
475
00:23:53,335 --> 00:23:57,752
- No, no please!
♪ Get the, get the-- ♪
476
00:23:58,850 --> 00:24:02,265
(thunderous roaring)
477
00:24:02,265 --> 00:24:03,945
- What the hell was that?
(audience laughing)
478
00:24:03,945 --> 00:24:06,155
- I-I-I don't really know!
479
00:24:06,155 --> 00:24:08,025
(thunderous roaring)
480
00:24:08,025 --> 00:24:10,775
(dramatic music)
481
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,191
(audience applauding)
482
00:24:25,191 --> 00:24:27,241
- Son of a bitch that hurt!
483
00:24:27,241 --> 00:24:29,184
(perky resolute music)
484
00:24:29,184 --> 00:24:31,082
- Who the hell are you?
485
00:24:31,082 --> 00:24:31,999
- Who am I?
486
00:24:32,942 --> 00:24:35,182
♪ All my life I've been a pacifist ♪
487
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,592
♪ But right now, you
really got me pissed ♪
488
00:24:37,592 --> 00:24:42,352
♪ That stuff didn't kill
me, I don't know why ♪
489
00:24:42,352 --> 00:24:44,744
♪ There's a new Melvin in town ♪
490
00:24:44,744 --> 00:24:47,082
♪ And he's about to get on down ♪
491
00:24:47,082 --> 00:24:51,983
♪ It's gonna hurt like
hell, and you're gonna die ♪
492
00:24:51,983 --> 00:24:53,780
♪ Maybe you better scram ♪
493
00:24:53,780 --> 00:24:58,399
♪ Or I'll cut you up like a holiday ham ♪
494
00:24:58,399 --> 00:25:00,853
♪ I'm gonna kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick your ass ♪
495
00:25:00,853 --> 00:25:03,104
♪ I'm gonna kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick your ass ♪
496
00:25:03,104 --> 00:25:06,214
♪ I'm gonna kick, kick,
kick, kick, kick your ass ♪
497
00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:10,157
♪ It's gonna be a blast to kick ♪
498
00:25:10,157 --> 00:25:11,688
♪ your ass ♪
(grunting)
499
00:25:11,688 --> 00:25:14,726
♪ Oh snap, let's go
medieval on this freak ♪
500
00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:15,583
(screaming martial arts cry)
501
00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:16,715
(clunking)
♪ So you're here to try to ♪
502
00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:18,267
♪ Do me some harm ♪
503
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:20,670
♪ While you try I'll just
to rip off your arm ♪
504
00:25:20,670 --> 00:25:25,529
♪ It's nothing personal,
I hope you understand ♪
505
00:25:25,529 --> 00:25:27,878
♪ Now, I don't mean to be mean ♪
506
00:25:27,878 --> 00:25:29,088
♪ But I'm about to remove ♪
507
00:25:29,088 --> 00:25:30,317
(screaming)
♪ your spleen ♪
508
00:25:30,317 --> 00:25:35,093
♪ You got a problem with
that, then talk to the hand ♪
509
00:25:35,093 --> 00:25:36,904
♪ You better pray to Billy Graham ♪
510
00:25:36,904 --> 00:25:41,321
♪ 'Cause I'm gonna show you who I am ♪
511
00:25:48,656 --> 00:25:51,739
(audience chuckling)
512
00:25:53,439 --> 00:25:56,431
Oh it's your fucking arm man!
513
00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:57,848
- Help me please!
514
00:26:01,906 --> 00:26:05,696
Help me off the stage, pull me, pull!
515
00:26:05,696 --> 00:26:06,613
Pull, pull!
516
00:26:12,056 --> 00:26:14,410
♪ So I kick, kick, kick,
kick, kicked your ass ♪
517
00:26:14,410 --> 00:26:17,202
(grunting)
518
00:26:17,202 --> 00:26:22,021
♪ Rip, rip, rip, ripped off your arm ♪
519
00:26:22,021 --> 00:26:23,011
♪ Had, had, had ♪
520
00:26:23,011 --> 00:26:27,091
♪ Had me a blast ♪
(screaming)
521
00:26:27,091 --> 00:26:32,029
♪ Oh man, oh man, hot damn ♪
522
00:26:32,029 --> 00:26:37,029
♪ That was a monster jam ♪
523
00:26:37,139 --> 00:26:40,306
♪ And that's who I am ♪
524
00:26:41,478 --> 00:26:42,477
(clanking)
525
00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:46,159
(screaming)
(groaning)
526
00:26:46,159 --> 00:26:47,829
(audience applauding)
527
00:26:47,829 --> 00:26:50,229
(audience chuckling)
528
00:26:50,229 --> 00:26:55,229
♪ And I kicked your ♪
529
00:26:58,781 --> 00:27:00,614
♪ Ass ♪
530
00:27:06,589 --> 00:27:11,589
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
531
00:27:15,826 --> 00:27:16,743
Sarah, hey,
532
00:27:18,266 --> 00:27:20,126
Sarah, are you all right?
533
00:27:20,126 --> 00:27:22,011
- (whimpers) Now who are you and how
534
00:27:22,011 --> 00:27:23,687
do you know my name?
535
00:27:23,687 --> 00:27:25,886
- Why it's me, Melvin!
536
00:27:25,886 --> 00:27:27,406
(screaming)
537
00:27:27,406 --> 00:27:29,231
Oh, what is going on?
538
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:30,648
Oh god, oh god...
539
00:27:32,294 --> 00:27:34,627
(screaming)
540
00:27:38,625 --> 00:27:39,894
All right!
541
00:27:39,894 --> 00:27:41,362
(audience snickering)
542
00:27:41,362 --> 00:27:43,268
- What is happening?
543
00:27:43,268 --> 00:27:44,773
- Don't worry, those bullies will
544
00:27:44,773 --> 00:27:46,381
never bother you again!
545
00:27:46,381 --> 00:27:49,551
- What happened, you
didn't hurt them did you?
546
00:27:49,551 --> 00:27:53,002
(tense music)
- No...
547
00:27:53,002 --> 00:27:55,752
(poignant music)
548
00:27:58,839 --> 00:28:01,589
(Melvin roaring)
549
00:28:11,053 --> 00:28:12,543
(energetic music)
550
00:28:12,543 --> 00:28:14,559
- Hoo!
(audience snickering)
551
00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:15,392
Wassa!
552
00:28:16,441 --> 00:28:18,780
Good god in high heaven!
553
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:21,551
What kind of monster has done this!
554
00:28:21,551 --> 00:28:23,929
(hissing)
- This is Sal the cop,
555
00:28:23,929 --> 00:28:28,852
Tromaville CSI, we got a DOA,
I'm gonna need a ETD ASAP,
556
00:28:28,852 --> 00:28:30,352
so order me a BLT!
557
00:28:31,321 --> 00:28:34,151
We got us a nasty situation
558
00:28:34,151 --> 00:28:37,259
♪ In Tromaville ♪
559
00:28:37,259 --> 00:28:40,321
♪ In Tromaville ♪
560
00:28:40,321 --> 00:28:45,321
♪ If the pollution doesn't
get 'ya, the aroma will ♪
561
00:28:46,899 --> 00:28:49,204
♪ Something bad's going down ♪
562
00:28:49,204 --> 00:28:50,350
(hissing)
563
00:28:50,350 --> 00:28:52,481
(audience chuckling)
Okay, come on,
564
00:28:52,481 --> 00:28:53,714
we gotta get this mess cleaned up!
565
00:28:53,714 --> 00:28:55,761
- Okay!
- Wait a minute!
566
00:28:55,761 --> 00:28:57,393
- [FBI] What?
567
00:28:57,393 --> 00:29:01,060
- Take a picture.
(laughing)
568
00:29:03,003 --> 00:29:04,538
- Got it!
- I got another one, here!
569
00:29:04,538 --> 00:29:08,131
Look, oh god he's got me, oh god (groans)!
570
00:29:08,131 --> 00:29:10,395
- Oh, oh, I got one!
- Okay hurry, quick!
571
00:29:10,395 --> 00:29:13,723
(chuckling)
Quick, go go go.
572
00:29:13,723 --> 00:29:15,312
(grunting)
Oh that is good,
573
00:29:15,312 --> 00:29:16,644
that is good!
(audience snickering)
574
00:29:16,644 --> 00:29:18,438
Got it!
- Nice!
575
00:29:18,438 --> 00:29:21,021
(tender music)
576
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:37,355
(Sarah snoring)
- Sarah, Sarah!
577
00:29:39,487 --> 00:29:40,987
Are you all right?
578
00:29:42,644 --> 00:29:44,667
Hello?
(Sarah snoring)
579
00:29:44,667 --> 00:29:47,417
(Melvin roaring)
580
00:29:50,369 --> 00:29:52,147
- Where am I?
581
00:29:52,147 --> 00:29:53,569
- You're at home!
582
00:29:53,569 --> 00:29:58,366
- Oh, (mumbles), what
is that pungent smell?
583
00:29:58,366 --> 00:30:00,299
- I just came from the gym.
584
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:02,689
(audience snickering)
- And remind me,
585
00:30:02,689 --> 00:30:04,886
who you are again?
586
00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:07,649
- No one, just a concerned citizen.
587
00:30:07,649 --> 00:30:10,429
- Oh no wait, you're the man who saved me!
588
00:30:10,429 --> 00:30:12,959
You're my uh, my hero!
589
00:30:12,959 --> 00:30:16,321
(Melvin roaring)
590
00:30:16,321 --> 00:30:17,339
Why did you make that
591
00:30:17,339 --> 00:30:19,193
large sound?
(audience chuckling)
592
00:30:19,193 --> 00:30:20,853
- I'm not really sure.
593
00:30:20,853 --> 00:30:22,123
I guess that's the noise I make when
594
00:30:22,123 --> 00:30:23,814
I'm happy now!
595
00:30:23,814 --> 00:30:26,382
Anyhoo, anyhoo, you're
safe, I should leave
596
00:30:26,382 --> 00:30:28,054
it's been a really weird evening.
597
00:30:28,054 --> 00:30:31,491
- What, no no you haven't
told me anything about you!
598
00:30:31,491 --> 00:30:34,824
- Oh, I'm just, really, really, average.
599
00:30:37,152 --> 00:30:40,150
- You are something else besides that!
600
00:30:40,150 --> 00:30:41,135
- I am?
601
00:30:41,135 --> 00:30:44,164
- Well, you're my hero!
- Oh...
602
00:30:44,164 --> 00:30:46,982
- May I ask a favor, average, hero?
603
00:30:46,982 --> 00:30:49,114
- Oh anything, anything at all.
604
00:30:49,114 --> 00:30:51,846
- May I uh, may I feel your face?
605
00:30:51,846 --> 00:30:53,065
- Oh anything but that!
606
00:30:53,065 --> 00:30:54,054
- But Melvin...
607
00:30:54,054 --> 00:30:55,105
- What?
- You remind me of
608
00:30:55,105 --> 00:30:56,934
my friend Melvin, he too suffers from
609
00:30:56,934 --> 00:30:58,249
tragic low self esteem.
610
00:30:58,249 --> 00:31:00,025
- No no no I have acne.
611
00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:02,075
- Oh it's okay to have acne on your face,
612
00:31:02,075 --> 00:31:04,966
it's the people who have
acne in their souls,
613
00:31:04,966 --> 00:31:06,660
who, (grunts) are unattractive!
614
00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:08,974
- Oh, you're so, you're so noble!
615
00:31:08,974 --> 00:31:09,994
You're like Mother Theresa if only
616
00:31:09,994 --> 00:31:11,911
she were blind and hot!
617
00:31:13,054 --> 00:31:16,705
- You know, I get that a lot.
(audience snickering)
618
00:31:16,705 --> 00:31:19,204
- If you like, you can touch my chest.
619
00:31:19,204 --> 00:31:22,621
- Well (sighs), I, um...
620
00:31:26,233 --> 00:31:29,571
(audience snickering)
621
00:31:29,571 --> 00:31:31,654
Um, oh well, hello daddy.
622
00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:35,665
(audience chuckling)
623
00:31:35,665 --> 00:31:36,809
- Anyway, I should get going,
624
00:31:36,809 --> 00:31:38,100
if I'm home late my mother worries.
625
00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:40,583
- Oh a big strapping man like you lives at
626
00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:42,065
home with his mother?
627
00:31:42,065 --> 00:31:44,534
Are you as wonderful as you seem?
628
00:31:44,534 --> 00:31:46,603
(audience chuckling)
629
00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,038
- Sarah there's something
I've got to tell you!
630
00:31:48,038 --> 00:31:49,288
- Yeah?
- I'm...
631
00:31:51,353 --> 00:31:54,936
Toxic.
(audience chuckling)
632
00:31:56,703 --> 00:31:57,536
- Toxic?
633
00:31:59,425 --> 00:32:00,258
- Yes!
634
00:32:01,625 --> 00:32:06,042
- Uh, well now, that is a
funny name, is that French?
635
00:32:09,669 --> 00:32:12,097
- Oui.
(audience chuckling)
636
00:32:12,097 --> 00:32:13,180
- Toxic, wow.
637
00:32:14,164 --> 00:32:16,100
No wonder you were embarrassed to tell me.
638
00:32:16,100 --> 00:32:18,937
Would you mind if I called you, Toxie?
639
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:22,567
(Toxie roaring)
Toxie are you free for
640
00:32:22,567 --> 00:32:24,576
brunch tomorrow, I'll make croissants,
641
00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:26,055
that is French for bagels.
642
00:32:26,055 --> 00:32:28,102
(audience chuckling)
(Toxie roaring)
643
00:32:28,102 --> 00:32:30,425
And Toxie, I think it's wonderful that you
644
00:32:30,425 --> 00:32:31,675
didn't hurt those two boys,
645
00:32:31,675 --> 00:32:34,842
I find resistance to violence so sexy!
646
00:32:36,596 --> 00:32:38,522
(tender music)
647
00:32:38,522 --> 00:32:41,189
- Then I will never hurt a soul.
648
00:32:42,434 --> 00:32:43,267
- Really?
649
00:32:44,436 --> 00:32:47,769
No man has ever promised me that before.
650
00:32:51,735 --> 00:32:53,902
♪ Promise ♪
651
00:32:54,895 --> 00:32:55,728
No...
652
00:32:56,705 --> 00:32:59,216
♪ I promise ♪
653
00:32:59,216 --> 00:33:02,133
- Oh...
♪ I promise ♪
654
00:33:04,596 --> 00:33:06,596
♪ Sarah ♪
655
00:33:09,522 --> 00:33:12,439
(mysterious music)
656
00:33:14,857 --> 00:33:18,024
(audience snickering)
657
00:33:23,216 --> 00:33:24,299
- Oh, my god!
658
00:33:26,567 --> 00:33:30,980
(giggles) Oh my god oh my god!
659
00:33:30,980 --> 00:33:33,148
Is this all a dream?
660
00:33:33,148 --> 00:33:34,981
A delusion, a fantasy?
661
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,465
I, I don't know (grunts).
662
00:33:40,465 --> 00:33:41,548
No.
663
00:33:41,548 --> 00:33:43,109
(pleasant music)
664
00:33:43,109 --> 00:33:47,567
♪ Today I met him ♪
665
00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:50,697
♪ Can you hear the chimes ♪
666
00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:54,548
(chimes ringing)
(audience chuckling)
667
00:33:54,548 --> 00:33:57,028
♪ And he comes from the country that ♪
668
00:33:57,028 --> 00:34:00,778
♪ Invented eclairs and mimes ♪
669
00:34:04,855 --> 00:34:07,495
(slobbering)
(perky music)
670
00:34:07,495 --> 00:34:11,216
♪ He's strong and sweet
and lives with his mother ♪
671
00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:15,076
♪ He saved my life so there is no other ♪
672
00:34:15,076 --> 00:34:19,027
♪ He's such a man and man is he macho ♪
673
00:34:19,027 --> 00:34:22,617
♪ He's spicy cool like
a bowl of gaspacho ♪
674
00:34:22,617 --> 00:34:27,617
♪ Someday he's gonna be my
big, my big French boyfriend ♪
675
00:34:28,114 --> 00:34:32,268
I have to call my best
friends in the whole world!
676
00:34:32,268 --> 00:34:36,100
♪ Hey Shiniqua I met his fly man ♪
677
00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:39,786
♪ Shut up girlfriend gots to call Dianne ♪
678
00:34:39,786 --> 00:34:43,623
♪ Oh my god now he sounds so foxy ♪
679
00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:47,266
♪ Whats his name ♪
♪ Well I call him Toxie ♪
680
00:34:47,266 --> 00:34:52,266
♪ And Toxie's gonna be my
big, my big French boyfriend ♪
681
00:34:52,355 --> 00:34:55,967
♪ Her big French boyfriend ♪
♪ My big French boyfriend ♪
682
00:34:55,967 --> 00:34:58,967
♪ Her BF BF ♪
683
00:34:58,967 --> 00:35:00,698
♪ He kinda smells ♪
684
00:35:00,698 --> 00:35:02,363
♪ But that's okay ♪
685
00:35:02,363 --> 00:35:04,139
♪ Ah ♪
♪ He comes from France ♪
686
00:35:04,139 --> 00:35:06,171
♪ And they live that way ♪
687
00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:09,205
♪ La la ♪
♪ He's real polite but I got ♪
688
00:35:09,205 --> 00:35:14,046
♪ A hunch he's gonna jump my
bones tomorrow at brunch ♪
689
00:35:14,046 --> 00:35:17,758
♪ He's gonna jump her
bones tomorrow at brunch ♪
690
00:35:17,758 --> 00:35:21,774
♪ Come on and jump my
bones tomorrow at brunch ♪
691
00:35:21,774 --> 00:35:26,774
♪ Oh my god shut up, oh my
god shut up, oh my god shut ♪
692
00:35:27,539 --> 00:35:29,404
♪ Oh my god shut up ♪
693
00:35:29,404 --> 00:35:31,187
♪ I love this guy ♪
694
00:35:31,187 --> 00:35:33,738
♪ He sounds really hunky ♪
695
00:35:33,738 --> 00:35:35,346
♪ His chest is huge ♪
696
00:35:35,346 --> 00:35:37,097
♪ He's a love monkey ♪
697
00:35:37,097 --> 00:35:40,907
♪ We'll say I do in Atlantic City ♪
698
00:35:40,907 --> 00:35:42,379
♪ I bet our kids ♪
699
00:35:42,379 --> 00:35:44,705
♪ Are gonna be pretty ♪
700
00:35:44,705 --> 00:35:47,328
♪ I don't even mind the stench ♪
701
00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:48,252
♪ He's French ♪
702
00:35:48,252 --> 00:35:51,105
♪ He's a hero he's a savior he's a mench ♪
703
00:35:51,105 --> 00:35:52,288
♪ I'm verklempt ♪
704
00:35:52,288 --> 00:35:54,872
♪ I'll be his ever loving wench ♪
705
00:35:54,872 --> 00:35:57,229
♪ He's my big French boyfriend ♪
706
00:35:57,229 --> 00:35:59,023
♪ Her big French boyfriend ♪
707
00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:00,948
♪ My big French boyfriend ♪
708
00:36:00,948 --> 00:36:05,948
♪ Her BF BF ♪
709
00:36:06,264 --> 00:36:08,847
♪ My aaahhh... ♪
710
00:36:18,914 --> 00:36:22,081
(audience snickering)
711
00:36:23,619 --> 00:36:26,699
Oh, (chuckles), (mumbles)...
712
00:36:26,699 --> 00:36:31,677
♪ My big French boyfriend ♪
♪ Boyfriend ♪
713
00:36:31,677 --> 00:36:34,844
(audience applauding)
714
00:36:39,387 --> 00:36:42,137
(relaxing music)
715
00:36:52,419 --> 00:36:56,416
♪ She is a flower full of ♪
716
00:36:56,416 --> 00:37:01,416
♪ Sweet perfume ♪
717
00:37:02,936 --> 00:37:07,051
♪ She steals my breath away when she ♪
718
00:37:07,051 --> 00:37:12,051
♪ Walks in the room ♪
719
00:37:13,310 --> 00:37:17,893
♪ A woman like that is so hard to find ♪
720
00:37:21,579 --> 00:37:26,251
(sighing)
♪ Oh, oh ♪
721
00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:31,251
♪ Thank God she's blind ♪
(audience snickering)
722
00:37:33,748 --> 00:37:38,748
♪ What would she do if
she could see my face ♪
723
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:47,616
♪ Would she love it tender ♪
724
00:37:47,616 --> 00:37:52,616
♪ Or spray it full of mace ♪
725
00:37:55,224 --> 00:37:59,416
♪ I wish I could get my eyeball ♪
726
00:37:59,416 --> 00:38:04,416
♪ Back in my eye ♪
727
00:38:05,655 --> 00:38:10,655
♪ When your face looks decayed ♪
728
00:38:10,696 --> 00:38:15,638
♪ It's hard to get laid ♪
729
00:38:15,638 --> 00:38:20,638
♪ But she thinks I'm one, beautiful guy ♪
730
00:38:24,151 --> 00:38:28,234
♪ I could give her this geranium ♪
731
00:38:34,535 --> 00:38:37,718
♪ And pray she doesn't touch ♪
732
00:38:37,718 --> 00:38:42,718
♪ My cranium ♪
(audience snickering)
733
00:38:44,746 --> 00:38:49,746
♪ Love isn't loud at
all, it's soft and kind ♪
734
00:38:52,057 --> 00:38:54,156
♪ Oh ♪
735
00:38:54,156 --> 00:38:59,156
♪ Oh, oh thank God she's blind ♪
736
00:39:02,127 --> 00:39:07,127
♪ Oh, oh thank God ♪
737
00:39:07,261 --> 00:39:09,761
♪ She's blind ♪
738
00:39:22,874 --> 00:39:26,041
(audience applauding)
739
00:39:34,274 --> 00:39:36,144
(dog barking)
740
00:39:36,144 --> 00:39:38,474
- [Mom] Melvin, is that you Melvin?
741
00:39:38,474 --> 00:39:40,173
- Uh, go back to sleep Ma!
742
00:39:40,173 --> 00:39:42,459
- [Mom] You have any idea what time it is?
743
00:39:42,459 --> 00:39:43,688
- Ma don't come in here!
744
00:39:43,688 --> 00:39:45,803
- [Mom] I've been the
whole night worrying,
745
00:39:45,803 --> 00:39:48,072
all I ever do is worry about you!
746
00:39:48,072 --> 00:39:50,632
- Ma, don't come in here don't!
747
00:39:50,632 --> 00:39:51,465
- Melvin!
748
00:39:52,712 --> 00:39:55,718
You're looking more and more
like your father every day!
749
00:39:55,718 --> 00:39:56,787
(audience laughing)
750
00:39:56,787 --> 00:40:00,008
Now Melvin, what have
you done to yourself now?
751
00:40:00,008 --> 00:40:01,533
- It's not my fault Ma!
752
00:40:01,533 --> 00:40:02,514
Some bullies threw me into a
753
00:40:02,514 --> 00:40:03,965
vat of toxic goo, and now I'm a
754
00:40:03,965 --> 00:40:05,691
- [Both] mutant with superhuman strength!
755
00:40:05,691 --> 00:40:08,310
- Oh a mother's dream!
- Oh I'm sorry!
756
00:40:08,310 --> 00:40:09,755
- Could you at least put
the left eyeball back
757
00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:10,755
where it belongs?
758
00:40:10,755 --> 00:40:11,588
- I tried, but
759
00:40:11,588 --> 00:40:12,421
it wont' stay in!
- But all I ever
760
00:40:12,421 --> 00:40:13,733
asked for was a grandchild!
761
00:40:13,733 --> 00:40:14,899
- All right, but this
- So do you want me to fix
762
00:40:14,899 --> 00:40:16,019
- isn't about you right now!
- some breakfast or
763
00:40:16,019 --> 00:40:17,199
are you just gonna eat the dog?
764
00:40:17,199 --> 00:40:19,228
- Ma!
(audience chuckling)
765
00:40:19,228 --> 00:40:20,728
You gotta help me!
766
00:40:21,777 --> 00:40:23,577
- That eyeball's gonna drive me crazy.
767
00:40:23,577 --> 00:40:25,815
(audience snickering)
Melvin!
768
00:40:25,815 --> 00:40:27,087
(groaning)
769
00:40:27,087 --> 00:40:29,239
There's only one thing a mother can say to
770
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:30,647
her son at a time like this.
771
00:40:30,647 --> 00:40:31,480
- Hmm?
772
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,339
(peppy music)
♪ You're such a ♪
773
00:40:32,339 --> 00:40:34,870
♪ Disappointment ♪
774
00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:36,712
♪ You heard it hear first ♪
775
00:40:36,712 --> 00:40:38,548
- This isn't helping, Ma!
776
00:40:38,548 --> 00:40:40,876
♪ Of all the stunts you pulled ♪
777
00:40:40,876 --> 00:40:42,566
♪ Son this is the worst ♪
778
00:40:42,566 --> 00:40:43,921
- What are we gonna do Ma?
779
00:40:43,921 --> 00:40:46,765
♪ I don't know, I'm still in shock ♪
780
00:40:46,765 --> 00:40:48,120
♪ So call the doc ♪
781
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:51,412
♪ He might have a wonder drug ♪
782
00:40:51,412 --> 00:40:54,876
♪ Oh, look at that ooze
leaking onto your shoes ♪
783
00:40:54,876 --> 00:40:57,868
♪ I'm gonna have to clean this rug ♪
784
00:40:57,868 --> 00:41:00,966
♪ Such a disappointment, follow me ♪
785
00:41:00,966 --> 00:41:05,841
♪ My wandering disappointment, come on ♪
786
00:41:05,841 --> 00:41:08,017
So doctor, what do you think?
787
00:41:08,017 --> 00:41:10,598
- This is the worst case of
chicken pox I've ever seen!
788
00:41:10,598 --> 00:41:11,913
(audience snickering)
(doctor laughing)
789
00:41:11,913 --> 00:41:14,855
- It's not chicken pox,
he's a mutant freak!
790
00:41:14,855 --> 00:41:17,334
- In that case, wow!
791
00:41:17,334 --> 00:41:20,348
♪ He's a disappointment ♪
792
00:41:20,348 --> 00:41:24,188
♪ The worst I've ever seen ♪
793
00:41:24,188 --> 00:41:26,732
♪ He's a mutant freak ♪
794
00:41:26,732 --> 00:41:28,804
♪ He's also very green ♪
795
00:41:28,804 --> 00:41:30,304
- Yeah, I noticed.
796
00:41:31,326 --> 00:41:34,316
♪ There ain't no pill, to fix his ill ♪
797
00:41:34,316 --> 00:41:38,116
♪ My brain is in a twist ♪
(audience chuckling)
798
00:41:38,116 --> 00:41:40,919
♪ The only cure for this kind of boy ♪
799
00:41:40,919 --> 00:41:43,948
♪ Is to see a scientist ♪
800
00:41:43,948 --> 00:41:45,565
♪ Also try this ointment ♪
801
00:41:45,565 --> 00:41:47,116
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
802
00:41:47,116 --> 00:41:48,937
♪ But what a disappointment ♪
803
00:41:48,937 --> 00:41:50,518
♪ Oh yeah ♪
804
00:41:50,518 --> 00:41:52,693
♪ Ooh brandy aged three years ♪
805
00:41:52,693 --> 00:41:56,457
- I know the best scientific
mind in Tromaville.
806
00:41:56,457 --> 00:41:59,802
Some say he's a genius, some say he's mad!
807
00:41:59,802 --> 00:42:01,689
- Oh!
- All I know,
808
00:42:01,689 --> 00:42:04,327
is he is a wonderful dancer!
809
00:42:04,327 --> 00:42:06,070
(audience snickering)
Yah.
810
00:42:06,070 --> 00:42:10,100
♪ But, you're what a disappointment ♪
811
00:42:10,100 --> 00:42:11,322
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
812
00:42:11,322 --> 00:42:14,459
- So, what's your prognosis professor?
813
00:42:14,459 --> 00:42:18,626
- Well after careful
examination, I have to say...
814
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:23,108
♪ He's a disappointment ♪
815
00:42:23,108 --> 00:42:24,770
♪ He's absolutely green ♪
816
00:42:24,770 --> 00:42:26,498
♪ A big green freak ♪
817
00:42:26,498 --> 00:42:29,215
♪ Never found happiness ♪
♪ Oh happiness ♪
818
00:42:29,215 --> 00:42:30,180
(screaming)
♪ His eyeball's ♪
819
00:42:30,180 --> 00:42:31,373
on his cheek!
820
00:42:31,373 --> 00:42:32,790
- Ooh ooh, gross!
821
00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:37,100
♪ A mutant son, ain't no fun ♪
822
00:42:37,100 --> 00:42:39,260
♪ You have my deep regret ♪
823
00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:40,743
- He feels bad.
824
00:42:40,743 --> 00:42:43,598
♪ As far as health, his pretty self ♪
825
00:42:43,598 --> 00:42:46,765
♪ There's only one fatal threat ♪
826
00:42:46,765 --> 00:42:49,969
♪ Fatal threat, fatal threat ♪
827
00:42:49,969 --> 00:42:52,552
♪ Fatal threat ♪
828
00:42:53,580 --> 00:42:55,830
- Common, household bleach!
829
00:42:56,681 --> 00:42:59,375
(blubbering)
It's the only thing
830
00:42:59,375 --> 00:43:01,221
that can kill a mutant!
- Oh!
831
00:43:01,221 --> 00:43:02,179
- Oh!
- Ah!
832
00:43:02,179 --> 00:43:03,012
- Oh god!
833
00:43:04,047 --> 00:43:07,464
♪ Still a disappointment ♪
834
00:43:08,886 --> 00:43:11,948
(audience applauding)
835
00:43:11,948 --> 00:43:14,448
(peppy music)
836
00:43:26,279 --> 00:43:29,362
- I got it, the idea for my new book!
837
00:43:30,479 --> 00:43:32,479
An inspirational memoir!
838
00:43:34,100 --> 00:43:36,350
A hot noble blind girl, oh,
839
00:43:37,711 --> 00:43:41,378
is saved by a large,
mysterious, French man!
840
00:43:43,311 --> 00:43:44,609
Of course she falls in love with him
841
00:43:44,609 --> 00:43:47,567
because he's everything
she ever dreamed of.
842
00:43:47,567 --> 00:43:51,484
Soulful, and he's sensitive,
and all muscle-ee,
843
00:43:53,751 --> 00:43:56,431
and unlike any other man
that she's ever dated
844
00:43:56,431 --> 00:43:59,111
there is absolutely nothing disturbing or
845
00:43:59,111 --> 00:44:00,639
freakish about him.
846
00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:02,164
(audience snickering)
- Uh, Sarah!
847
00:44:02,164 --> 00:44:04,916
- Oh, Toxie, I thought that--
848
00:44:04,916 --> 00:44:07,395
My, what is that smell?
849
00:44:07,395 --> 00:44:10,188
- Newark.
(audience snickering)
850
00:44:10,188 --> 00:44:13,124
Sarah, I'm afraid I can
only stay a little while.
851
00:44:13,124 --> 00:44:15,164
I'm on a mission.
- A mission?
852
00:44:15,164 --> 00:44:16,942
- A mission to remove every vile vat of
853
00:44:16,942 --> 00:44:18,755
toxic goo from Tromaville!
854
00:44:18,755 --> 00:44:21,505
- Oh, you're so green, love that!
855
00:44:23,235 --> 00:44:25,364
But, do you at least have
a little time for brunch
856
00:44:25,364 --> 00:44:28,434
before you go on your
mission, I made a toast-a
857
00:44:28,434 --> 00:44:31,228
(speaking foreign language).
858
00:44:31,228 --> 00:44:34,311
(audience chuckling)
859
00:44:36,137 --> 00:44:37,767
- What?
860
00:44:37,767 --> 00:44:41,570
- Well it's, 'cause you're,
it's French toast, (mumbles)...
861
00:44:41,570 --> 00:44:43,237
No, back in a flash!
862
00:44:47,743 --> 00:44:52,743
- Ah, I'm sure she won't mind
if we take a little look.
863
00:44:52,979 --> 00:44:54,396
Ah, a French guy.
864
00:44:56,678 --> 00:44:58,694
(audience chuckling)
I get it,
865
00:44:58,694 --> 00:45:00,861
she must think this is me.
866
00:45:02,990 --> 00:45:06,649
Okay, Oprah, so remember this
'cause it comes in later on.
867
00:45:06,649 --> 00:45:10,273
(audience chuckling)
868
00:45:10,273 --> 00:45:12,590
Come on, we've got to give it to the girl!
869
00:45:12,590 --> 00:45:14,748
For someone that can't
see, the detail on these
870
00:45:14,748 --> 00:45:17,948
things is amazing!
(audience chuckling)
871
00:45:17,948 --> 00:45:19,365
I'll put it back.
872
00:45:20,792 --> 00:45:23,716
(chuckling)
873
00:45:23,716 --> 00:45:25,799
Oh wow, Sarah you look...
874
00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:27,791
- Tea?
875
00:45:27,791 --> 00:45:29,449
- Uh sure let me give you a hand.
876
00:45:29,449 --> 00:45:32,616
- Uh, no it's okay...
- It's all right.
877
00:45:34,430 --> 00:45:36,430
Here you go.
- Thank you.
878
00:45:38,555 --> 00:45:42,305
Ow fuck.
(audience chuckling)
879
00:45:43,256 --> 00:45:45,506
(grunting)
880
00:45:48,114 --> 00:45:48,947
- Oh!
881
00:45:51,657 --> 00:45:53,490
Oh yeah, ah, ah, ah...
882
00:45:55,867 --> 00:45:57,802
- You want sugar?
883
00:45:57,802 --> 00:45:59,364
- Sure.
- Yeah?
884
00:45:59,364 --> 00:46:00,531
- Yeah.
- Okay.
885
00:46:05,527 --> 00:46:07,932
Uh-huh?
- Yeah yeah, that's enough.
886
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:11,564
(cup ringing)
(audience snickering)
887
00:46:11,564 --> 00:46:13,564
- Cheers.
- Cheers, ah...
888
00:46:17,543 --> 00:46:19,793
(slurping)
889
00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:24,035
Ah, that's some good tea.
890
00:46:24,035 --> 00:46:26,264
- So Toxie, do you realize that this is
891
00:46:26,264 --> 00:46:28,264
our first date together?
892
00:46:29,755 --> 00:46:33,715
- Oh, Sarah, I've got
something to tell you!
893
00:46:33,715 --> 00:46:36,465
I've never been on a date before.
894
00:46:37,552 --> 00:46:40,385
- Oh, Toxie are, are you a virgin?
895
00:46:43,744 --> 00:46:45,077
- I am, are you?
896
00:46:47,272 --> 00:46:49,656
- Well I...
(audience snickering)
897
00:46:49,656 --> 00:46:52,875
I have been with other men (chuckles).
898
00:46:52,875 --> 00:46:55,075
- A lot of other men?
899
00:46:55,075 --> 00:46:58,742
- Um, I have a (mumbles)...
900
00:47:10,765 --> 00:47:14,614
Carry, carry the one...
(audience snickering)
901
00:47:14,614 --> 00:47:16,752
But, define a lot?
- 10?
902
00:47:16,752 --> 00:47:21,264
- Wow, yeah, a lot then (chuckles)!
903
00:47:21,264 --> 00:47:22,955
(high pitched laughing)
904
00:47:22,955 --> 00:47:24,904
Hey, you know what I want to ask you,
905
00:47:24,904 --> 00:47:27,668
how about you tell me a joke!
906
00:47:27,668 --> 00:47:29,198
I do so love a good joke!
907
00:47:29,198 --> 00:47:30,156
- Oh I don't know any!
908
00:47:30,156 --> 00:47:32,016
- Oh come on, everyone
knows at least one joke!
909
00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:33,394
- Not me!
- Now don't even think
910
00:47:33,394 --> 00:47:34,656
if it's funny or not!
911
00:47:34,656 --> 00:47:35,816
- I really don't know any!
- Just say it!
912
00:47:35,816 --> 00:47:36,649
- No!
- Just say it!
913
00:47:36,649 --> 00:47:37,482
- No!
- Just say it!
914
00:47:37,482 --> 00:47:38,445
- No!
- Just say it!
915
00:47:38,445 --> 00:47:40,982
- How did Stevie Wonder burn his hand?
916
00:47:40,982 --> 00:47:44,149
(audience snickering)
917
00:47:46,003 --> 00:47:47,503
I am so, so sorry!
918
00:47:50,171 --> 00:47:54,004
- No, now did he, try
to read the waffle iron?
919
00:47:57,723 --> 00:48:00,923
- Yes!
- That happened to me once!
920
00:48:00,923 --> 00:48:05,304
(relaxing music)
(chuckling)
921
00:48:05,304 --> 00:48:08,054
Look (chuckles)!
922
00:48:09,278 --> 00:48:10,195
- Oh Sarah!
923
00:48:19,293 --> 00:48:24,293
♪ I always dreamed I'd find someone ♪
924
00:48:24,914 --> 00:48:29,914
♪ But that was just some fantasy ♪
925
00:48:33,274 --> 00:48:38,274
♪ I'd meet a girl and she'd up and run ♪
926
00:48:38,903 --> 00:48:43,903
♪ Love wanted no part of me ♪
927
00:48:46,132 --> 00:48:49,314
♪ Then I met you ♪
928
00:48:49,314 --> 00:48:52,338
♪ Beautiful you ♪
- Me?
929
00:48:52,338 --> 00:48:57,338
♪ A true scientific breakthrough ♪
930
00:48:59,810 --> 00:49:02,850
♪ Look deep inside ♪
931
00:49:02,850 --> 00:49:06,267
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
932
00:49:06,267 --> 00:49:09,869
♪ You'll see the real me ♪
933
00:49:09,869 --> 00:49:13,704
♪ I'm yours honestly ♪
934
00:49:13,704 --> 00:49:17,206
♪ You make me combust ♪
935
00:49:17,206 --> 00:49:20,557
♪ With chemical lust ♪
936
00:49:20,557 --> 00:49:24,113
♪ I'm just so scared of ♪
- Wow, that is...
937
00:49:24,113 --> 00:49:28,113
♪ Our hot toxic, hot toxic love ♪
938
00:49:33,690 --> 00:49:36,652
(Sarah sighing)
939
00:49:36,652 --> 00:49:41,652
♪ I spent my life in the dark ♪
940
00:49:42,484 --> 00:49:45,221
♪ Stuck in a long ♪
941
00:49:45,221 --> 00:49:49,938
- Oh oh oh oh Sarah!
♪ Lonely night ♪
942
00:49:49,938 --> 00:49:52,471
- There you go.
♪ You came along ♪
943
00:49:52,471 --> 00:49:56,414
♪ And lit a spark ♪
944
00:49:56,414 --> 00:49:58,093
♪ Now, finally ♪
945
00:49:58,093 --> 00:50:03,093
- No, no, no, no no no!
♪ I see the light ♪
946
00:50:03,611 --> 00:50:06,943
♪ All 'cause of you ♪
947
00:50:06,943 --> 00:50:10,413
♪ Beautiful you ♪
948
00:50:10,413 --> 00:50:14,580
♪ A man who's too good to be true ♪
949
00:50:15,562 --> 00:50:17,589
(audience chuckling)
- Whoa!
950
00:50:17,589 --> 00:50:20,555
♪ I see deep inside ♪
951
00:50:20,555 --> 00:50:24,226
♪ You have nothing to hide ♪
952
00:50:24,226 --> 00:50:27,630
♪ I know who you are ♪
953
00:50:27,630 --> 00:50:31,259
♪ You're my shining star ♪
954
00:50:31,259 --> 00:50:34,887
♪ You, you make my heart beat ♪
955
00:50:34,887 --> 00:50:38,475
♪ With nuclear heat ♪
956
00:50:38,475 --> 00:50:42,138
♪ Now, don't be scared of ♪
957
00:50:42,138 --> 00:50:44,425
♪ My hot toxic ♪
958
00:50:44,425 --> 00:50:49,425
♪ Hot toxic love ♪
959
00:50:50,554 --> 00:50:53,785
♪ When you think of it ♪
960
00:50:53,785 --> 00:50:57,345
♪ We're a perfect fit ♪
961
00:50:57,345 --> 00:51:02,345
♪ Were both a little offbeat ♪
962
00:51:04,254 --> 00:51:07,601
♪ I'm what you'd call blind ♪
963
00:51:07,601 --> 00:51:10,446
♪ I'm more Frankenstein ♪
964
00:51:10,446 --> 00:51:15,446
♪ Yet, somehow you make me complete ♪
965
00:51:16,743 --> 00:51:19,656
♪ Look deep inside ♪
966
00:51:19,656 --> 00:51:22,930
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
967
00:51:22,930 --> 00:51:26,585
♪ You'll see the real me ♪
968
00:51:26,585 --> 00:51:27,746
♪ I'm yours ♪
969
00:51:27,746 --> 00:51:30,506
♪ Honestly ♪
- No Sarah, Sarah, over here!
970
00:51:30,506 --> 00:51:32,649
♪ You make me combust ♪
(audience chuckling)
971
00:51:32,649 --> 00:51:36,149
- Ow!
♪ With chemical lust ♪
972
00:51:37,113 --> 00:51:40,534
♪ Now don't be scared of ♪
973
00:51:40,534 --> 00:51:42,822
♪ My hot toxic ♪
974
00:51:42,822 --> 00:51:44,486
♪ Hot toxic ♪
975
00:51:44,486 --> 00:51:47,454
♪ Look deep inside ♪
976
00:51:47,454 --> 00:51:50,833
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
977
00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:54,334
♪ You'll see the real me ♪
978
00:51:54,334 --> 00:51:57,969
♪ I'm yours honestly ♪
979
00:51:57,969 --> 00:52:01,763
♪ You make me combust ♪
980
00:52:01,763 --> 00:52:04,625
♪ With chemical lust ♪
981
00:52:04,625 --> 00:52:08,054
♪ Now, don't be scared of ♪
982
00:52:08,054 --> 00:52:10,334
♪ My hot toxic ♪
983
00:52:10,334 --> 00:52:15,334
♪ Hot toxic love ♪
984
00:52:17,028 --> 00:52:20,797
♪ My hot toxic ♪
985
00:52:20,797 --> 00:52:24,762
♪ Ooh ♪
986
00:52:24,762 --> 00:52:27,995
♪ My hot toxic ♪
987
00:52:27,995 --> 00:52:31,865
♪ Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh-Ooh ♪
988
00:52:31,865 --> 00:52:34,606
♪ Ooh ♪
989
00:52:34,606 --> 00:52:36,523
♪ Love ♪
990
00:52:44,364 --> 00:52:47,531
(audience applauding)
991
00:52:49,990 --> 00:52:52,744
- Oh Sarah I'm sorry I can't kiss you!
992
00:52:52,744 --> 00:52:55,180
(ship's horn blowing)
993
00:52:55,180 --> 00:52:57,275
Oh, Sarah I have to leave!
994
00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:00,163
I fear the next shipment is coming in.
995
00:53:00,163 --> 00:53:04,042
- Oh?
(audience chuckling)
996
00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,792
Toxie, what shipment?
997
00:53:12,814 --> 00:53:16,833
T-Toxie, what, why you have (mumbles)...
998
00:53:16,833 --> 00:53:17,916
Motherfucker!
999
00:53:23,411 --> 00:53:26,578
(ship's horn blowing)
1000
00:53:28,782 --> 00:53:31,155
- All right Chief, how's it going?
1001
00:53:31,155 --> 00:53:33,861
You almost done unloading
that toxic waste?
1002
00:53:33,861 --> 00:53:36,050
- I can assure you Madam Mayor,
1003
00:53:36,050 --> 00:53:38,800
everything's fine,
everything's fine (chuckles).
1004
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:41,717
- Good.
(screaming)
1005
00:53:42,730 --> 00:53:45,509
(audience laughing)
1006
00:53:45,509 --> 00:53:48,509
- What kind of fiend, has done this?
1007
00:53:50,512 --> 00:53:52,512
Gee pet-pet, my brother!
1008
00:53:53,690 --> 00:53:58,690
In the name of our ancestors,
I will avenge his death!
1009
00:53:58,938 --> 00:54:02,021
And blood, will spill upon the Earth,
1010
00:54:03,578 --> 00:54:08,411
with the red stench of e--
(Toxie roaring)
1011
00:54:09,741 --> 00:54:10,574
Adios!
1012
00:54:10,574 --> 00:54:13,157
Oh god!
- What the hell is that?
1013
00:54:14,274 --> 00:54:16,222
- It's the monster you idiot!
1014
00:54:16,222 --> 00:54:17,874
Shoot to kill!
1015
00:54:17,874 --> 00:54:18,883
- No, no no no no!
1016
00:54:18,883 --> 00:54:20,866
(gun firing)
(Mayor laughing)
1017
00:54:20,866 --> 00:54:23,485
(Toxie roaring)
1018
00:54:23,485 --> 00:54:24,818
- Okay, problem!
1019
00:54:25,975 --> 00:54:27,370
Bullet proof!
1020
00:54:27,370 --> 00:54:29,063
I'll see you later!
1021
00:54:29,063 --> 00:54:32,735
(screaming)
(crying)
1022
00:54:32,735 --> 00:54:34,343
- All right Chewbacca,
1023
00:54:34,343 --> 00:54:36,709
who are you and what the hell do you want?
1024
00:54:36,709 --> 00:54:38,759
- You mean you don't recognize me?
1025
00:54:38,759 --> 00:54:40,759
Why I'm Melvin Ferd III.
1026
00:54:41,884 --> 00:54:44,935
- You, you're that scrawny kid?
1027
00:54:44,935 --> 00:54:47,133
- Your goons threw me
into a vat of toxic goo,
1028
00:54:47,133 --> 00:54:48,903
and this is what I came out like!
1029
00:54:48,903 --> 00:54:49,736
- Ech!
1030
00:54:49,736 --> 00:54:52,486
- I should destroy you right now!
1031
00:54:54,613 --> 00:54:58,768
But no, not until I've
exposed the evil you've done!
1032
00:54:58,768 --> 00:55:02,604
- Oh, all right, make me out
to look like the bad guy here!
1033
00:55:02,604 --> 00:55:04,616
Don't think I don't
know what you're up to!
1034
00:55:04,616 --> 00:55:08,449
Uh, killing polluters,
acting outside the law,
1035
00:55:09,471 --> 00:55:13,047
you're trying to become a folk hero!
1036
00:55:13,047 --> 00:55:16,652
(audience chuckling)
(perky folk music)
1037
00:55:16,652 --> 00:55:19,735
(audience tittering)
1038
00:55:20,678 --> 00:55:24,095
(audience clapping)
1039
00:55:24,095 --> 00:55:26,186
♪ Let me tell you a story about ♪
1040
00:55:26,186 --> 00:55:29,071
♪ A man with a strange complexion ♪
1041
00:55:29,071 --> 00:55:33,898
♪ He killed a lot of folks and
he made a love connection ♪
1042
00:55:33,898 --> 00:55:37,802
♪ By day, he had a girl who
baked him homemade breads ♪
1043
00:55:37,802 --> 00:55:39,807
- Oh, oh god (mumbles)...
♪ By night he ♪
1044
00:55:39,807 --> 00:55:42,790
♪ Roamed the streets and he
ripped off people's heads ♪
1045
00:55:42,790 --> 00:55:45,275
♪ This is the legend ♪
1046
00:55:45,275 --> 00:55:46,980
♪ He's the legend ♪
1047
00:55:46,980 --> 00:55:51,980
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
1048
00:55:53,475 --> 00:55:57,265
♪ At first, the folks were sure
he'd kill them all one day ♪
1049
00:55:57,265 --> 00:55:58,350
- He'll kill us all!
1050
00:55:58,350 --> 00:56:01,820
♪ But then their crime went
down and the freak seemed okay ♪
1051
00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:03,374
- Oh I like him now (giggles).
1052
00:56:03,374 --> 00:56:07,995
♪ He proved more popular than
Prince William and Kate ♪
1053
00:56:07,995 --> 00:56:12,054
♪ He put the garden back,
in the Garden State ♪
1054
00:56:12,054 --> 00:56:14,201
♪ This is the legend ♪
1055
00:56:14,201 --> 00:56:19,201
♪ He's the legend, the
legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
1056
00:56:20,230 --> 00:56:22,714
♪ Oh yeah ♪
1057
00:56:22,714 --> 00:56:27,675
♪ He cleaned up Tromaville
by sealing all the vats ♪
1058
00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:31,534
♪ He won the children's love
by saving all their cats ♪
1059
00:56:31,534 --> 00:56:34,201
- Oh I love you Toxie, yeah, ah!
1060
00:56:36,278 --> 00:56:41,235
♪ Toxie's a hero now,
bigger than Superman ♪
1061
00:56:41,235 --> 00:56:43,566
♪ Let him lay some whip-ass on ♪
1062
00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:45,705
♪ Let him lay some whip-ass on ♪
1063
00:56:45,705 --> 00:56:47,924
♪ The man could really
lay some whip-ass on ♪
1064
00:56:47,924 --> 00:56:50,833
♪ All the town's bad ♪
1065
00:56:50,833 --> 00:56:52,810
♪ And so the cops got scared ♪
1066
00:56:52,810 --> 00:56:55,550
♪ Some of them soiled their britches ♪
1067
00:56:55,550 --> 00:57:00,455
♪ The rest just ran away like
freaked out little bitches ♪
1068
00:57:00,455 --> 00:57:03,834
♪ Now the mayor stands alone ♪
1069
00:57:03,834 --> 00:57:08,834
♪ It's her against the goon ♪
1070
00:57:08,989 --> 00:57:13,256
♪ She knows the time has come,
soon gonna be high noon ♪
1071
00:57:13,256 --> 00:57:14,770
(spring reverberating)
(audience snickering)
1072
00:57:14,770 --> 00:57:16,962
♪ Oh, he's the legend ♪
- What is this?
1073
00:57:16,962 --> 00:57:18,520
♪ I'm the legend ♪
1074
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,240
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
1075
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,290
(audience clapping)
1076
00:57:24,290 --> 00:57:26,789
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
1077
00:57:26,789 --> 00:57:28,989
♪ He's the legend ♪
1078
00:57:28,989 --> 00:57:31,149
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
1079
00:57:31,149 --> 00:57:33,615
♪ Hot dang, the legend ♪
1080
00:57:33,615 --> 00:57:38,301
♪ Go tell your children about the legend ♪
1081
00:57:38,301 --> 00:57:40,701
♪ You tell your children's children ♪
1082
00:57:40,701 --> 00:57:43,389
♪ You tell your children's
children's children ♪
1083
00:57:43,389 --> 00:57:45,450
♪ Have your children's
tell their friends ♪
1084
00:57:45,450 --> 00:57:47,845
♪ And their friends tell other friends ♪
1085
00:57:47,845 --> 00:57:50,154
♪ Make some calls, write some letters ♪
1086
00:57:50,154 --> 00:57:52,715
♪ Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter ♪
1087
00:57:52,715 --> 00:57:56,109
♪ Go on LinkedIn, don't do
MySpace, no on goes there ♪
1088
00:57:56,109 --> 00:57:58,229
♪ Na na na na, na na na na, ♪
1089
00:57:58,229 --> 00:58:02,717
♪ Na na na na na na oh oh ♪
1090
00:58:02,717 --> 00:58:06,077
♪ Clap with me, clap
with me, clap with me ♪
1091
00:58:06,077 --> 00:58:09,709
♪ Take it, clap with me, clap with me ♪
1092
00:58:09,709 --> 00:58:11,649
(audience clapping)
1093
00:58:11,649 --> 00:58:15,399
(screeching harmonica music)
1094
00:58:29,570 --> 00:58:31,653
- Just fucking finish it!
1095
00:58:37,239 --> 00:58:41,389
Fucking over-acting!
(audience laughing)
1096
00:58:41,389 --> 00:58:46,389
(audience tittering)
(audience applauding)
1097
00:59:04,614 --> 00:59:06,447
- Fucking over-acting.
1098
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,930
(audience snickering)
1099
00:59:24,810 --> 00:59:27,250
The legend of the Toxic Avenger!
1100
00:59:27,250 --> 00:59:28,583
(dramatic music)
1101
00:59:28,583 --> 00:59:33,583
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1102
00:59:39,390 --> 00:59:40,421
(eerie bubbling)
1103
00:59:40,421 --> 00:59:42,754
(whistling)
1104
00:59:47,501 --> 00:59:49,260
- Oh!
(audience chuckling)
1105
00:59:49,260 --> 00:59:50,694
- Hello Kennith!
1106
00:59:50,694 --> 00:59:53,759
- Dammit, what are you
doing in my basement, woman?
1107
00:59:53,759 --> 00:59:55,711
Didn't you hear of knocking?
1108
00:59:55,711 --> 00:59:56,791
Ah!
1109
00:59:56,791 --> 00:59:59,071
- Not long ago you used
to love it when I come
1110
00:59:59,071 --> 01:00:00,850
into your room without knocking.
1111
01:00:00,850 --> 01:00:04,250
Finding you asleep, having my way!
1112
01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:06,231
- Dammit that's true!
1113
01:00:06,231 --> 01:00:09,069
But it's the same story every time!
1114
01:00:09,069 --> 01:00:13,146
You seduce me, then you make
me use science for evil!
1115
01:00:13,146 --> 01:00:16,301
- Kennith, the monster who's
been terrorizing our town--
1116
01:00:16,301 --> 01:00:19,309
- He's no monster, the people love him!
1117
01:00:19,309 --> 01:00:21,909
He's got higher poll numbers than you!
1118
01:00:21,909 --> 01:00:25,181
- No matter, I will soon capture him!
1119
01:00:25,181 --> 01:00:26,399
- How, woman?
1120
01:00:26,399 --> 01:00:28,429
No one knows where he's hiding!
1121
01:00:28,429 --> 01:00:30,145
- I'll find out!
1122
01:00:30,145 --> 01:00:32,260
I know his mother.
1123
01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:37,260
But first, tell me has he
been in to see you, big boy?
1124
01:00:37,530 --> 01:00:38,613
- No, no, no!
1125
01:00:39,610 --> 01:00:41,269
- Oh really?
1126
01:00:41,269 --> 01:00:43,429
Than what's this?
1127
01:00:43,429 --> 01:00:46,179
(dramatic music)
1128
01:00:47,405 --> 01:00:49,655
- Foiled by my own laundry!
1129
01:00:50,709 --> 01:00:53,671
- I have to destroy him, tell me how!
1130
01:00:53,671 --> 01:00:56,109
- No woman!
- Tell me Kennith!
1131
01:00:56,109 --> 01:00:58,330
- Dammit I said no!
1132
01:00:58,330 --> 01:00:59,911
- Oh yeah?
1133
01:00:59,911 --> 01:01:01,183
(dramatic music)
1134
01:01:01,183 --> 01:01:06,183
♪ These two breasts can be yours ♪
1135
01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:12,497
♪ You can't buy them in stores ♪
1136
01:01:13,682 --> 01:01:16,842
♪ Go ahead take a bite ♪
1137
01:01:16,842 --> 01:01:21,842
♪ Just tell me, what's his kryptonite ♪
1138
01:01:25,071 --> 01:01:30,071
♪ I wont stand here and squeal ♪
1139
01:01:31,671 --> 01:01:36,671
♪ Though I would like a feel ♪
1140
01:01:38,312 --> 01:01:41,352
♪ Oh my brain's in a knot ♪
1141
01:01:41,352 --> 01:01:46,352
♪ Why is evil so hot ♪
1142
01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:56,052
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1143
01:01:56,052 --> 01:02:00,093
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1144
01:02:00,093 --> 01:02:03,419
♪ Don't tell me that it's not ♪
1145
01:02:03,419 --> 01:02:08,419
♪ 'Cause evil is hot ♪
1146
01:02:10,054 --> 01:02:12,020
♪ I am woman ♪
1147
01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:17,020
♪ And I am man ♪
1148
01:02:17,134 --> 01:02:18,520
♪ I am straight ♪
1149
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:23,520
♪ And I am too except for
that one time in college ♪
1150
01:02:25,330 --> 01:02:30,330
♪ So let's do the dance of the doomed ♪
1151
01:02:30,952 --> 01:02:33,687
♪ And get tanked up ♪
1152
01:02:33,687 --> 01:02:36,104
♪ On shrooms ♪
1153
01:02:45,298 --> 01:02:50,077
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1154
01:02:50,077 --> 01:02:54,158
♪ Evil is hot ♪
1155
01:02:54,158 --> 01:02:57,397
♪ Together we'll find that spot ♪
1156
01:02:57,397 --> 01:03:00,397
♪ Where evil is hot ♪
1157
01:03:01,936 --> 01:03:06,853
(moaning)
(hypnotic music)
1158
01:03:36,322 --> 01:03:39,751
(groaning)
(audience clapping)
1159
01:03:39,751 --> 01:03:40,584
- Bleach!
1160
01:03:41,669 --> 01:03:42,502
- What?
1161
01:03:42,502 --> 01:03:44,886
- Throw bleach on him, oh jeez...
1162
01:03:44,886 --> 01:03:48,715
He'll melt faster than the
wicked witch of the west.
1163
01:03:48,715 --> 01:03:51,065
(Mayor laughing)
1164
01:03:51,065 --> 01:03:52,595
- That's all?
1165
01:03:52,595 --> 01:03:54,588
Common household bleach?
1166
01:03:54,588 --> 01:03:56,915
- I've said it, now go!
1167
01:03:56,915 --> 01:03:58,998
Go do your evil, damn it!
1168
01:04:03,585 --> 01:04:08,129
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ha hot ♪
1169
01:04:08,129 --> 01:04:12,073
♪ Ho ho ho ho hot ♪
1170
01:04:12,073 --> 01:04:15,643
♪ What the hell has evil got ♪
1171
01:04:15,643 --> 01:04:20,643
♪ That makes it so hot ♪
1172
01:04:21,254 --> 01:04:25,363
♪ Damn it, it's hot ♪
1173
01:04:25,363 --> 01:04:29,464
♪ So freaking hot ♪
1174
01:04:29,464 --> 01:04:32,624
♪ Tonight we'll hit the jackpot ♪
1175
01:04:32,624 --> 01:04:35,593
♪ Where evil is hot ♪
1176
01:04:35,593 --> 01:04:37,623
♪ It's hot ♪
1177
01:04:37,623 --> 01:04:39,358
♪ It's hot ♪
1178
01:04:39,358 --> 01:04:42,344
♪ Evil is hot! ♪
1179
01:04:42,344 --> 01:04:45,511
(audience applauding)
1180
01:04:48,315 --> 01:04:51,732
(perky percussion music)
1181
01:04:54,564 --> 01:04:57,397
(goofy chuckling)
1182
01:05:01,390 --> 01:05:03,950
♪ Oh ♪
1183
01:05:03,950 --> 01:05:06,910
♪ Oh, oh, (grunts), ow ♪
1184
01:05:06,910 --> 01:05:11,910
♪ Uh, hey, uh ooh ♪
1185
01:05:12,585 --> 01:05:15,419
♪ Who will save New Jersey ♪
1186
01:05:15,419 --> 01:05:18,200
♪ Who will save New Jersey ♪
1187
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:20,739
♪ It's a lot of hearsay ♪
1188
01:05:20,739 --> 01:05:23,019
♪ New Jersey ♪
1189
01:05:23,019 --> 01:05:26,619
Hello boys
(giggling)
1190
01:05:26,619 --> 01:05:29,502
♪ New Jersey ♪
1191
01:05:29,502 --> 01:05:30,335
Ha!
1192
01:05:32,038 --> 01:05:37,038
♪ Ha, Jersey ♪
1193
01:05:37,729 --> 01:05:39,156
♪ The Garden State ♪
1194
01:05:39,156 --> 01:05:40,518
♪ Garden State ♪
1195
01:05:40,518 --> 01:05:42,118
♪ Garden State ♪
1196
01:05:42,118 --> 01:05:44,368
(mumbling)
1197
01:05:47,156 --> 01:05:47,989
Wait!
1198
01:05:52,036 --> 01:05:54,296
Oh...
(audience tittering)
1199
01:05:54,296 --> 01:05:55,129
Oh oh!
1200
01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,077
Hello poppy!
1201
01:06:01,208 --> 01:06:04,467
I seen you on Grindr!
(audience chuckling)
1202
01:06:04,467 --> 01:06:08,217
Yes, you are looking
for a power bottom, hmm?
1203
01:06:09,176 --> 01:06:10,009
That's me!
1204
01:06:11,555 --> 01:06:12,856
What's your name?
1205
01:06:12,856 --> 01:06:14,523
- Adrian.
- Adrian...
1206
01:06:15,856 --> 01:06:20,227
Ooh it's like that film
Rocky, you see, Adrian!
1207
01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:21,810
Oh, me I'm Lorenzo.
1208
01:06:23,945 --> 01:06:25,080
- Kiss the ring.
- Of course you
1209
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,973
kiss my ring, you're a good boy!
1210
01:06:27,973 --> 01:06:30,823
(audience snickering)
Adrian, you remember
1211
01:06:30,823 --> 01:06:34,653
the name Lorenzo, you gonna
be screaming it later!
1212
01:06:34,653 --> 01:06:36,201
(audience laughing)
1213
01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:38,284
Okay boys, I'm ready now!
1214
01:06:39,140 --> 01:06:41,640
(perky music)
1215
01:06:43,266 --> 01:06:48,266
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1216
01:06:49,492 --> 01:06:52,580
- Ah, you have children, you think they're
1217
01:06:52,580 --> 01:06:53,767
gonna bring you joy!
1218
01:06:53,767 --> 01:06:55,434
- Oh I know, I know.
1219
01:06:56,362 --> 01:06:58,605
- It's all pain, it's all heartache.
1220
01:06:58,605 --> 01:07:01,103
- Oh I know, I know...
1221
01:07:01,103 --> 01:07:04,478
- He was Ceasarean, trouble from day one.
1222
01:07:04,478 --> 01:07:07,250
- Senora Ferd, oh Senora Ferd!
1223
01:07:07,250 --> 01:07:08,739
- What is it Lorenzo?
1224
01:07:08,739 --> 01:07:10,750
- The mayor, she coming,
1225
01:07:10,750 --> 01:07:12,799
the mayor she coming!
1226
01:07:12,799 --> 01:07:14,450
- What, no.
1227
01:07:14,450 --> 01:07:15,620
- Jes!
- No.
1228
01:07:15,620 --> 01:07:19,089
- Jes, and she say, she coming for you!
1229
01:07:19,089 --> 01:07:19,922
- What?
1230
01:07:19,922 --> 01:07:20,755
No!
- Jes!
1231
01:07:20,755 --> 01:07:21,588
- No!
- Jes!
1232
01:07:21,588 --> 01:07:22,688
- No!
- Jes!
1233
01:07:22,688 --> 01:07:25,826
- You don't understand, we have history!
1234
01:07:25,826 --> 01:07:30,416
Bad history, her and I in
the same room together!
1235
01:07:30,416 --> 01:07:31,749
It's impossible!
1236
01:07:32,618 --> 01:07:35,191
- Aww...
- Santa Maria, no no no!
1237
01:07:35,191 --> 01:07:36,949
- Lorenzo, (mumbles) you must stop her!
1238
01:07:36,949 --> 01:07:39,426
- Oh no no no no no, we
can't we can't we can't!
1239
01:07:39,426 --> 01:07:43,308
- Oh no I can't see her
there's no way, no way!
1240
01:07:43,308 --> 01:07:45,407
Whoo, I'm going out the back door!
1241
01:07:45,407 --> 01:07:47,098
- Oh no, no!
- Oh...
1242
01:07:47,098 --> 01:07:49,224
- [Lorenzo] That's the supply room!
1243
01:07:49,224 --> 01:07:50,557
- Santa Maria...
1244
01:07:52,401 --> 01:07:57,401
(audience tittering)
- Oh, no, oh, no...
1245
01:07:57,525 --> 01:07:59,496
Oh hold it hold it hold it!
1246
01:07:59,496 --> 01:08:01,996
(humming)
Ah!
1247
01:08:03,587 --> 01:08:05,790
Beautiful, you're so talented!
- So are you (mumbling)...
1248
01:08:05,790 --> 01:08:07,241
- Oh my god, quick act natural!
1249
01:08:07,241 --> 01:08:09,935
- Oh, okay, I got (mumbles).
- Act naturally!
1250
01:08:09,935 --> 01:08:11,374
(audience chuckling)
1251
01:08:11,374 --> 01:08:14,929
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1252
01:08:14,929 --> 01:08:17,263
- All right, I know she's here some where!
1253
01:08:17,263 --> 01:08:19,145
- Oh, Santa Maria!
1254
01:08:19,145 --> 01:08:20,984
- Fess up, where is she?
1255
01:08:20,984 --> 01:08:23,374
- Oh she not here-a!
- Oh we no know!
1256
01:08:23,374 --> 01:08:25,624
- Oh she not here-a!
- We no know!
1257
01:08:25,624 --> 01:08:29,701
- Listen you two people
of indeterminate accents,
1258
01:08:29,701 --> 01:08:32,143
I saw her come into
your little beauty shop.
1259
01:08:32,143 --> 01:08:34,705
But trust me, no amount
of beauty treatment
1260
01:08:34,705 --> 01:08:36,585
can make that dame look good!
1261
01:08:36,585 --> 01:08:37,752
Oh snap score!
1262
01:08:40,071 --> 01:08:42,515
(sneezing)
1263
01:08:42,515 --> 01:08:45,495
- Bless you!
- The supply room!
1264
01:08:45,495 --> 01:08:46,984
- Oh, oh!
1265
01:08:46,984 --> 01:08:48,318
Oh, Santa Maria!
1266
01:08:49,823 --> 01:08:51,903
- Naah!
- Oh oh oh oh!
1267
01:08:51,903 --> 01:08:52,736
- No...
1268
01:08:54,058 --> 01:08:56,447
- Lorenzo, Lemiss, run run!
1269
01:08:56,447 --> 01:08:59,622
It's finally time her and
I talked woman to woman,
1270
01:08:59,622 --> 01:09:01,357
and it ain't gonna be easy!
1271
01:09:01,357 --> 01:09:03,010
- Oh clippy come on let's go!
(energetic music)
1272
01:09:03,010 --> 01:09:05,429
- Okay we going now bye!
1273
01:09:05,429 --> 01:09:08,319
- Peppy run with me please!
- Oh!
1274
01:09:08,319 --> 01:09:10,930
- Eunice, come out where I can see you!
1275
01:09:10,930 --> 01:09:14,468
Sure I used my feminine ways to seduce,
1276
01:09:14,468 --> 01:09:17,108
bed, and destroy your husband,
1277
01:09:17,108 --> 01:09:18,676
but that's in the past!
1278
01:09:18,676 --> 01:09:22,176
The one I need to destroy now is your son!
1279
01:09:23,133 --> 01:09:25,430
Tell me where he is!
1280
01:09:25,430 --> 01:09:27,919
- I...
(slapping)
1281
01:09:27,919 --> 01:09:29,919
- You will!
- I, I won't!
1282
01:09:30,899 --> 01:09:32,599
(screaming)
- You will!
1283
01:09:32,599 --> 01:09:33,849
Fuck me!
- What?
1284
01:09:35,279 --> 01:09:36,112
- Nothing!
1285
01:09:37,300 --> 01:09:40,666
♪ I hated you in grammar school ♪
1286
01:09:40,666 --> 01:09:44,260
♪ I hated you in high school ♪
1287
01:09:44,260 --> 01:09:49,260
♪ And if we went to college,
I'd hate you there too ♪
1288
01:09:50,714 --> 01:09:52,584
♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪
1289
01:09:52,584 --> 01:09:54,300
♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪
1290
01:09:54,300 --> 01:09:56,020
♪ Did I leave something out ♪
1291
01:09:56,020 --> 01:09:58,116
♪ Let me think some more ♪
1292
01:09:58,116 --> 01:10:00,090
♪ You're a tart, you're a tramp ♪
1293
01:10:00,090 --> 01:10:02,460
♪ You're as cheap as Demi Moore ♪
1294
01:10:02,460 --> 01:10:04,778
♪ Guess who won this round ♪
1295
01:10:04,778 --> 01:10:09,622
♪ Snap, snap, score ♪
1296
01:10:09,622 --> 01:10:14,622
♪ Bitch, slut, liar, whore ♪
1297
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:20,298
♪ Your sonny boy will soon go bust ♪
1298
01:10:20,298 --> 01:10:23,909
♪ Your sonny boy will eat my dust ♪
1299
01:10:23,909 --> 01:10:26,370
♪ You better tell me where he's at ♪
1300
01:10:26,370 --> 01:10:30,410
♪ And what's more ♪
1301
01:10:30,410 --> 01:10:32,141
♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪
1302
01:10:32,141 --> 01:10:34,210
♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪
1303
01:10:34,210 --> 01:10:38,070
♪ You're a petrified,
fossilized old dinosaur ♪
1304
01:10:38,070 --> 01:10:42,287
♪ And when you're not
hair dyed, you (mumbles) ♪
1305
01:10:42,287 --> 01:10:44,551
♪ Guess who won this round ♪
1306
01:10:44,551 --> 01:10:49,551
♪ Snap, snap, snap, (gibbers) score ♪
1307
01:10:50,004 --> 01:10:53,004
Ah ha, so, he's been hiding in here!
1308
01:10:54,084 --> 01:10:55,124
(Eunice screaming)
1309
01:10:55,124 --> 01:10:57,535
- [Eunice] You stay away from my Melvin!
1310
01:10:57,535 --> 01:11:00,356
For the first time he's successful,
1311
01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:03,603
yet he's in love, even if it is in love
1312
01:11:03,603 --> 01:11:06,156
with a blind librarian!
1313
01:11:06,156 --> 01:11:07,924
- [Mayor] A blind librarian?
1314
01:11:07,924 --> 01:11:10,643
So, he's been hiding out with her!
1315
01:11:10,643 --> 01:11:13,795
(Eunice screaming)
- You stay away from him!
1316
01:11:13,795 --> 01:11:15,563
- I will find him!
- No!
1317
01:11:15,563 --> 01:11:18,636
- [Mayor] And I will
destroy him, and until I do,
1318
01:11:18,636 --> 01:11:21,964
Tromaville is under martial law!
1319
01:11:21,964 --> 01:11:23,316
- [Eunice] Martial law?
1320
01:11:23,316 --> 01:11:25,230
You're a fascist!
1321
01:11:25,230 --> 01:11:28,356
Well, you know what you are!
1322
01:11:28,356 --> 01:11:29,893
♪ You're a bitch, you're a slut ♪
1323
01:11:29,893 --> 01:11:31,716
♪ You're a liar, you're a whore ♪
1324
01:11:31,716 --> 01:11:33,580
♪ You bitch, you slut ♪
1325
01:11:33,580 --> 01:11:36,014
♪ You liar, you whore ♪
1326
01:11:36,014 --> 01:11:36,847
♪ Bitch bitch ♪
1327
01:11:36,847 --> 01:11:37,680
♪ Slut slut ♪
1328
01:11:37,680 --> 01:11:38,693
♪ Liar liar ♪
1329
01:11:38,693 --> 01:11:39,526
♪ Whore whore ♪
1330
01:11:39,526 --> 01:11:41,373
♪ Bitch bitch, slut slut ♪
1331
01:11:41,373 --> 01:11:43,184
♪ Liar liar, whore ♪
1332
01:11:43,184 --> 01:11:45,021
♪ Bitch bitch, slut slut ♪
1333
01:11:45,021 --> 01:11:46,909
♪ Liar liar liar liar ♪
1334
01:11:46,909 --> 01:11:48,542
♪ Whore, whore, whore ♪
1335
01:11:48,542 --> 01:11:52,144
♪ Whore, whore, whore, whore, whore ♪
1336
01:11:52,144 --> 01:11:54,984
♪ Whore, whore, whore ♪
1337
01:11:54,984 --> 01:11:57,317
♪ You whore ♪
1338
01:12:05,064 --> 01:12:10,064
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1339
01:12:10,872 --> 01:12:13,372
(perky music)
1340
01:12:14,213 --> 01:12:18,603
- [Narrator] So as the Mayor
begins her cruel, toxic hunt,
1341
01:12:18,603 --> 01:12:20,643
deep in the heart of Tromaville,
1342
01:12:20,643 --> 01:12:25,022
one frustrated young woman
dares to dream the dream
1343
01:12:25,022 --> 01:12:27,253
of the impossible.
1344
01:12:27,253 --> 01:12:29,836
(tender music)
1345
01:12:35,013 --> 01:12:40,013
- (mumbles) ever after.
(audience tittering)
1346
01:12:41,123 --> 01:12:45,040
Here it is, after five
hellish days of writing,
1347
01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,813
I finally finished my book!
1348
01:12:49,942 --> 01:12:51,654
And as luck would have it,
1349
01:12:51,654 --> 01:12:55,321
it is wonderful, so
move over J. K. Rowling!
1350
01:12:58,083 --> 01:13:01,534
Ooh, get out of my way John Gresham!
1351
01:13:01,534 --> 01:13:05,532
Go screw yourself whoever
wrote the Diary of Anne Frank!
1352
01:13:05,532 --> 01:13:09,341
(audience chuckling)
1353
01:13:09,341 --> 01:13:11,430
'Cause there's only one person I need
1354
01:13:11,430 --> 01:13:14,557
to make my dreams come true.
1355
01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:16,870
(tender music)
1356
01:13:16,870 --> 01:13:21,870
♪ Some people say that you're divine ♪
1357
01:13:23,161 --> 01:13:28,161
♪ So won't you answer
this prayer of mine ♪
1358
01:13:28,825 --> 01:13:33,825
♪ I'll vow my devotion unto thee ♪
1359
01:13:36,070 --> 01:13:41,070
♪ If you'll just put me on the TV-E ♪
1360
01:13:45,761 --> 01:13:49,760
♪ I'll go on one of your cable shows ♪
1361
01:13:49,760 --> 01:13:53,350
♪ Though what channel, nobody knows ♪
1362
01:13:53,350 --> 01:13:57,100
♪ Or be in your O, magazine ♪
1363
01:13:57,100 --> 01:14:00,918
♪ I'll be the hottest
writer they've ever seen ♪
1364
01:14:00,918 --> 01:14:04,529
♪ The fricken hottest
writer they've ever seen ♪
1365
01:14:04,529 --> 01:14:06,230
♪ Choose me, Oprah ♪
1366
01:14:06,230 --> 01:14:08,230
♪ Use me, Oprah ♪
1367
01:14:08,230 --> 01:14:11,978
♪ Make me a person people adore ♪
1368
01:14:11,978 --> 01:14:13,898
♪ Hug me, Oprah ♪
1369
01:14:13,898 --> 01:14:15,973
♪ Plug me, Oprah ♪
1370
01:14:15,973 --> 01:14:18,905
♪ I'll be your book selling whore ♪
1371
01:14:18,905 --> 01:14:21,508
Time for a fantasy dream sequence!
1372
01:14:21,508 --> 01:14:24,025
♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh ♪
1373
01:14:24,025 --> 01:14:28,209
♪ Oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh Oprah ♪
1374
01:14:28,209 --> 01:14:31,220
♪ Oh oh, oh oh oh ♪
- Shiniquah, Dianne!
1375
01:14:31,220 --> 01:14:35,931
♪ Oh oh oh, oh oh oh Oprah ♪
1376
01:14:35,931 --> 01:14:39,422
♪ I wrote a memoir of inspiration ♪
1377
01:14:39,422 --> 01:14:43,084
♪ It tells the truth with fabrication ♪
1378
01:14:43,084 --> 01:14:46,467
♪ My book will sell like Winnie the Pooh ♪
1379
01:14:46,467 --> 01:14:49,506
♪ I can even write Maya Angelou ♪
1380
01:14:49,506 --> 01:14:50,521
♪ Angelou! ♪
1381
01:14:50,521 --> 01:14:54,134
♪ I told the tale of a woman in charge ♪
1382
01:14:54,134 --> 01:14:57,990
♪ It ain't too long and
the words ain't large ♪
1383
01:14:57,990 --> 01:15:01,771
♪ It's so much better
than your usual crap ♪
1384
01:15:01,771 --> 01:15:05,580
♪ And I got a marketable handicap ♪
1385
01:15:05,580 --> 01:15:10,580
♪ She's got a marketable handicap ♪
1386
01:15:11,001 --> 01:15:12,670
♪ Pick me, Oprah ♪
1387
01:15:12,670 --> 01:15:14,609
♪ Lick me, Oprah ♪
1388
01:15:14,609 --> 01:15:18,389
♪ We can sell books from here to Guam ♪
1389
01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:19,735
♪ Shill me, Oprah ♪
1390
01:15:19,735 --> 01:15:21,969
♪ Dr. Phil me, Oprah ♪
1391
01:15:21,969 --> 01:15:25,780
♪ Let's kick butt on Amazon.com ♪
1392
01:15:25,780 --> 01:15:29,369
♪ Do me, Oprah, do me, Oprah ♪
1393
01:15:29,369 --> 01:15:32,990
♪ Show the world how much you care ♪
1394
01:15:32,990 --> 01:15:37,083
♪ Spank me, Oprah,
you'll thank me, Oprah ♪
1395
01:15:37,083 --> 01:15:40,916
♪ I wanna be a ga-billionaire ♪
1396
01:15:43,310 --> 01:15:45,915
(frenetic music)
1397
01:15:45,915 --> 01:15:48,801
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Selling more and more ♪
1398
01:15:48,801 --> 01:15:50,571
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ I'll be your ♪
1399
01:15:50,571 --> 01:15:51,795
♪ Book selling whore ♪
1400
01:15:51,795 --> 01:15:54,457
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Better than your usual crap ♪
1401
01:15:54,457 --> 01:15:57,510
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Marketable handicap ♪
1402
01:15:57,510 --> 01:16:00,342
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Show the world you care ♪
1403
01:16:00,342 --> 01:16:03,422
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
♪ Make me a ga-billion ♪
1404
01:16:03,422 --> 01:16:07,255
♪ Ga-zillion, ga-trillionaire ♪
1405
01:16:08,125 --> 01:16:11,104
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
- Go get 'em girl!
1406
01:16:11,104 --> 01:16:13,929
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
1407
01:16:13,929 --> 01:16:16,761
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
- Everybody gets a car!
1408
01:16:16,761 --> 01:16:21,261
♪ I said, Oprah ♪
- You don't get a car!
1409
01:16:28,369 --> 01:16:30,536
♪ O-Oprah ♪
1410
01:16:34,161 --> 01:16:38,050
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1411
01:16:38,050 --> 01:16:39,725
♪ Whoo ♪
1412
01:16:39,725 --> 01:16:41,153
♪ Whoo ♪
1413
01:16:41,153 --> 01:16:44,903
♪ Whoo, whoops, whoops, dang ♪
1414
01:16:48,794 --> 01:16:51,627
(Sarah chuckling)
1415
01:16:55,046 --> 01:16:56,543
- [Toxie] Sarah I'm done in the shower!
1416
01:16:56,543 --> 01:16:59,626
- Oh!
(Toxie sighing)
1417
01:17:02,114 --> 01:17:05,166
- (chuckles) Wow, are
we going out tonight?
1418
01:17:05,166 --> 01:17:08,726
- Well uh, actually I
thought we could just uh,
1419
01:17:08,726 --> 01:17:13,559
you know, stay in, and uh, uh, (yawns)...
1420
01:17:16,132 --> 01:17:18,554
- Sarah, you know I can't
get physical with you!
1421
01:17:18,554 --> 01:17:19,628
- Get physical?
1422
01:17:19,628 --> 01:17:21,489
You won't even let me feel your face!
1423
01:17:21,489 --> 01:17:24,678
- I'm just not ready!
- But it's been three weeks!
1424
01:17:24,678 --> 01:17:26,198
(audience snickering)
1425
01:17:26,198 --> 01:17:28,609
And I just finished my thinly disguised
1426
01:17:28,609 --> 01:17:30,945
memoir of our relationship!
1427
01:17:30,945 --> 01:17:32,588
Don't you find me attractive?
1428
01:17:32,588 --> 01:17:34,777
- You know I do!
- Well then what is it?
1429
01:17:34,777 --> 01:17:36,162
(mumbling)
1430
01:17:36,162 --> 01:17:37,580
- It's my...
- What?
1431
01:17:37,580 --> 01:17:39,830
(groaning)
1432
01:17:40,717 --> 01:17:44,472
Oh my gosh are you gay?
(audience chuckling)
1433
01:17:44,472 --> 01:17:47,503
Of course, you know, if you are,
1434
01:17:47,503 --> 01:17:49,750
that is, that is totally fine!
1435
01:17:49,750 --> 01:17:52,969
We can just be best friends and,
1436
01:17:52,969 --> 01:17:56,580
and watch (mumbles) together (weeps).
1437
01:17:56,580 --> 01:17:58,180
- Sarah, there is nothing I want more
1438
01:17:58,180 --> 01:18:00,140
than to share my body with you but,
1439
01:18:00,140 --> 01:18:02,820
(sneezing)
but, but...
1440
01:18:02,820 --> 01:18:04,653
- Blah blah blah look!
1441
01:18:05,689 --> 01:18:07,020
I'm gonna make lunch.
1442
01:18:07,020 --> 01:18:11,025
- [Mayor] Citizens of Tromaville,
this is your mayor dammit!
1443
01:18:11,025 --> 01:18:13,963
We are now under martial law, and you are
1444
01:18:13,963 --> 01:18:15,980
hereby ordered to bring all of your
1445
01:18:15,980 --> 01:18:17,687
bleach down to city hall!
1446
01:18:17,687 --> 01:18:19,910
- Bleach?
- This is a civic emergency!
1447
01:18:19,910 --> 01:18:21,580
- Oh god!
- I repeat,
1448
01:18:21,580 --> 01:18:24,080
bring down you fucking bleach!
1449
01:18:26,127 --> 01:18:27,700
- That was a strange announcement.
1450
01:18:27,700 --> 01:18:29,310
(audience chuckling)
- Sarah, I have to
1451
01:18:29,310 --> 01:18:33,063
leave right away!
- No, but I made French fries!
1452
01:18:33,063 --> 01:18:34,401
- Oh!
1453
01:18:34,401 --> 01:18:37,310
No, I have to leave
Tromaville, maybe forever!
1454
01:18:37,310 --> 01:18:38,961
- What, Toxie what's wrong?
1455
01:18:38,961 --> 01:18:40,270
- Oh I can't say.
- Well then I'm
1456
01:18:40,270 --> 01:18:41,710
going with you!
- You can't!
1457
01:18:41,710 --> 01:18:42,809
- I can!
- You can't!
1458
01:18:42,809 --> 01:18:44,249
- I can!
- It's too dangerous!
1459
01:18:44,249 --> 01:18:47,620
- I don't understand!
- You're too beautiful!
1460
01:18:47,620 --> 01:18:49,486
- Oh, yeah okay.
1461
01:18:49,486 --> 01:18:51,836
(audience chuckling)
1462
01:18:51,836 --> 01:18:53,828
- Oh, I have to leave right now!
1463
01:18:53,828 --> 01:18:55,837
(siren wailing)
- No, no Toxie wait!
1464
01:18:55,837 --> 01:18:58,356
The least you could do is give me a kiss!
1465
01:18:58,356 --> 01:19:01,106
Our first and last kiss together!
1466
01:19:02,836 --> 01:19:03,836
- I'm sorry!
1467
01:19:05,369 --> 01:19:06,702
- What, Toxie...
1468
01:19:07,985 --> 01:19:10,646
(rattling)
1469
01:19:10,646 --> 01:19:12,591
- [Sal] Door kick, bam!
1470
01:19:12,591 --> 01:19:14,236
- Woo, whoa!
- Na-na-na na-na-na!
1471
01:19:14,236 --> 01:19:15,730
Sal the cop!
1472
01:19:15,730 --> 01:19:17,142
- What?
(grunting)
1473
01:19:17,142 --> 01:19:20,590
- Fighting crime and he's
gonna catch the bad guy!
1474
01:19:20,590 --> 01:19:23,892
(audience laughing)
1475
01:19:23,892 --> 01:19:27,059
(audience applauding)
1476
01:19:30,961 --> 01:19:32,461
- For fuck's sake.
1477
01:19:33,580 --> 01:19:36,047
All right, I know he's here somewhere!
1478
01:19:36,047 --> 01:19:37,625
- I-I'm sorry, who's there?
1479
01:19:37,625 --> 01:19:39,492
- Mayor Belgoody, thanks for your vote.
1480
01:19:39,492 --> 01:19:42,782
And we're looking for
someone, someone dangerous.
1481
01:19:42,782 --> 01:19:44,172
Sal the cop?
- Huh?
1482
01:19:44,172 --> 01:19:46,910
- Find the killer!
(Sal snorting)
1483
01:19:46,910 --> 01:19:47,922
(audience snickering)
1484
01:19:47,922 --> 01:19:50,017
- No, hang on, there's a killer?
1485
01:19:50,017 --> 01:19:51,020
- That's right.
1486
01:19:51,020 --> 01:19:55,649
So tell me, has the sicko
been to visit you lately?
1487
01:19:55,649 --> 01:19:59,707
- No, just my friend, Toxie,
and he is not a killer!
1488
01:19:59,707 --> 01:20:02,838
- Oh, how naive are the handicapped.
1489
01:20:02,838 --> 01:20:04,366
- Oh you can say that...
- The freak was seen
1490
01:20:04,366 --> 01:20:07,517
going into your house!
- Toxie is no freak!
1491
01:20:07,517 --> 01:20:11,189
- Oh really, so tell me
have you felt his face?
1492
01:20:11,189 --> 01:20:12,382
- Oh...
- Oh.
1493
01:20:12,382 --> 01:20:13,840
- He's a little sensitive...
- He's a little
1494
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:15,761
sensitive...
- Kitchen door kick, bam!
1495
01:20:15,761 --> 01:20:17,189
- No don't kick the door!
(audience tittering)
1496
01:20:17,189 --> 01:20:19,246
- No sign of the killer freak in there!
1497
01:20:19,246 --> 01:20:22,251
- All right sister, you're
off the hook, this time!
1498
01:20:22,251 --> 01:20:27,251
But rest assured, I will find
and I will destroy the mutant!
1499
01:20:28,126 --> 01:20:29,579
- Yeah, okay, okay...
1500
01:20:29,579 --> 01:20:31,867
- Oh yeah, Sal the cop?
1501
01:20:31,867 --> 01:20:32,700
- Huh?
1502
01:20:32,700 --> 01:20:33,706
- Shoot something!
1503
01:20:33,706 --> 01:20:36,507
(Sal giggling)
- No please don't, please!
1504
01:20:36,507 --> 01:20:38,906
(gun firing)
1505
01:20:38,906 --> 01:20:41,197
(audience chuckling)
1506
01:20:41,197 --> 01:20:44,364
(audience applauding)
1507
01:20:46,747 --> 01:20:48,187
Mutant?
1508
01:20:48,187 --> 01:20:49,736
No!
1509
01:20:49,736 --> 01:20:50,903
- Mutant, yes.
1510
01:20:51,929 --> 01:20:53,899
- Toxie, I thought you left?
1511
01:20:53,899 --> 01:20:56,187
- No, I just hid in the
kitchen and pretended to be
1512
01:20:56,187 --> 01:20:58,771
a large ugly plant, Sarah
listen we haven't got much time!
1513
01:20:58,771 --> 01:21:00,192
(audience chuckling)
- Toxie tell me you're not
1514
01:21:00,192 --> 01:21:02,449
some freakish mutant killer!
1515
01:21:02,449 --> 01:21:04,699
- Uh, I have killed people.
1516
01:21:05,600 --> 01:21:08,021
- Oh...
- But only evil doers,
1517
01:21:08,021 --> 01:21:10,400
who are polluting our planet!
1518
01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:14,567
And as for the mutant part,
I am, well, different.
1519
01:21:16,322 --> 01:21:19,531
Oh but if I weren't I
would ask you to marry me!
1520
01:21:19,531 --> 01:21:21,864
- Oh, Toxie, don't you know,
1521
01:21:23,192 --> 01:21:25,403
no difference of yours could ever change
1522
01:21:25,403 --> 01:21:27,486
the way I feel about you!
1523
01:21:31,176 --> 01:21:32,009
- Hey.
1524
01:21:35,029 --> 01:21:35,862
Hey!
1525
01:21:38,141 --> 01:21:40,224
Sarah, would you like t..
1526
01:21:42,048 --> 01:21:44,766
Would you like to feel my face?
1527
01:21:44,766 --> 01:21:45,739
- Really?
1528
01:21:45,739 --> 01:21:47,601
- Only if you promise, no judgments!
1529
01:21:47,601 --> 01:21:50,526
- My darling Toxie, I promise!
1530
01:21:50,526 --> 01:21:51,953
(tender music)
1531
01:21:51,953 --> 01:21:53,536
No judgements ever.
1532
01:21:58,059 --> 01:22:03,059
♪ You make me combust ♪
1533
01:22:03,128 --> 01:22:07,797
♪ With chemical lust ♪
1534
01:22:07,797 --> 01:22:12,797
♪ Now don't be scared of ♪
1535
01:22:13,037 --> 01:22:16,016
♪ My hot toxic ♪
1536
01:22:16,016 --> 01:22:18,349
♪ Hot toxic ♪
1537
01:22:28,528 --> 01:22:29,361
- Ha...
1538
01:22:33,253 --> 01:22:35,170
- Uh, uh, uh, ah, ah...
1539
01:22:36,325 --> 01:22:38,203
- What is that right below your cheek?
1540
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:39,316
- That would be me left eyeball!
1541
01:22:39,316 --> 01:22:40,983
- Oh, ooh, and this?
1542
01:22:42,517 --> 01:22:46,082
- I'm not really sure, just
an oozing sort of something.
1543
01:22:46,082 --> 01:22:47,165
- Oh my gosh!
1544
01:22:48,237 --> 01:22:50,656
- Sarah, I was thrown
into a vat of toxic goo
1545
01:22:50,656 --> 01:22:51,512
by the town bullies!
1546
01:22:51,512 --> 01:22:52,387
- Okay.
- It was right before
1547
01:22:52,387 --> 01:22:53,803
they tried to attack you!
- Right!
1548
01:22:53,803 --> 01:22:55,437
- And I'm not really Toxie!
1549
01:22:55,437 --> 01:22:57,523
I'm Melvin Ferd III!
1550
01:22:57,523 --> 01:22:58,523
- You are...
1551
01:23:00,243 --> 01:23:02,410
Melvin?
- Me, Melvin, yeah.
1552
01:23:05,683 --> 01:23:08,147
- Oh.
- Look, I know I should have
1553
01:23:08,147 --> 01:23:09,923
told you sooner but...
1554
01:23:09,923 --> 01:23:11,827
Oh Sarah, feel my heart!
1555
01:23:11,827 --> 01:23:13,221
It's a human heart and it loves you more
1556
01:23:13,221 --> 01:23:15,017
than any human heart
has ever loved anyone.
1557
01:23:15,017 --> 01:23:16,281
- You know what?
1558
01:23:16,281 --> 01:23:17,745
You know what, maybe we should consider
1559
01:23:17,745 --> 01:23:19,842
spending some time apart.
1560
01:23:19,842 --> 01:23:21,711
- Are you breaking up with me?
1561
01:23:21,711 --> 01:23:24,673
- Well I'm just saying
we should, you know,
1562
01:23:24,673 --> 01:23:27,696
take things slow and--
(Toxie roaring)
1563
01:23:27,696 --> 01:23:29,613
Oh, no I'm sorry Toxie!
1564
01:23:30,475 --> 01:23:33,454
Or Melvin, or whoever you are!
1565
01:23:33,454 --> 01:23:34,287
I can't!
1566
01:23:35,763 --> 01:23:37,625
I just can't.
1567
01:23:37,625 --> 01:23:40,375
(dramatic music)
1568
01:23:44,037 --> 01:23:47,482
♪ Didn't you make a promise ♪
1569
01:23:47,482 --> 01:23:51,580
♪ To love me as I am ♪
1570
01:23:51,580 --> 01:23:55,059
♪ And didn't you make a promise ♪
1571
01:23:55,059 --> 01:23:57,129
♪ You wouldn't give a damn ♪
1572
01:23:57,129 --> 01:23:58,899
- Yo, you dirty monster!
1573
01:23:58,899 --> 01:24:01,579
What?
(Toxie roaring)
1574
01:24:01,579 --> 01:24:02,412
Gotta go!
1575
01:24:04,146 --> 01:24:06,387
♪ I also made a promise ♪
1576
01:24:06,387 --> 01:24:10,446
♪ To never hurt a fly ♪
1577
01:24:10,446 --> 01:24:12,870
♪ But since you broke your promise ♪
1578
01:24:12,870 --> 01:24:15,697
♪ It's time that I broke mine ♪
1579
01:24:15,697 --> 01:24:20,697
(bird chirping)
(sweet music)
1580
01:24:21,350 --> 01:24:26,350
(dramatic music)
(grunting)
1581
01:24:29,564 --> 01:24:31,814
(sniffing)
1582
01:24:35,554 --> 01:24:37,471
- Oh, hello there dear!
1583
01:24:39,247 --> 01:24:41,873
You must be that nice monster
1584
01:24:41,873 --> 01:24:44,500
I've heard so much talk about!
1585
01:24:44,500 --> 01:24:46,500
My name is Edna Ferbert.
1586
01:24:47,540 --> 01:24:50,490
Hey, I was wondering, would you mind
1587
01:24:50,490 --> 01:24:53,860
helping me sort my recyclables?
1588
01:24:53,860 --> 01:24:55,770
The recycling plant is just
(sniffing)
1589
01:24:55,770 --> 01:24:59,311
so far away you see, I find these silos
1590
01:24:59,311 --> 01:25:02,450
of toxic goo, much more convenient!
1591
01:25:02,450 --> 01:25:05,117
(giggling)
Whoo!
1592
01:25:07,118 --> 01:25:09,118
Well what have we got...
1593
01:25:10,330 --> 01:25:15,330
(dramatic music)
(screaming)
1594
01:25:29,079 --> 01:25:31,868
(audience snickering)
- Oh Janet, what shall we do
1595
01:25:31,868 --> 01:25:33,822
for our one month anniversary?
1596
01:25:33,822 --> 01:25:37,239
- Oh Brad, why don't we go see a musical?
1597
01:25:38,450 --> 01:25:40,119
A musical based on a movie that
1598
01:25:40,119 --> 01:25:42,250
most people watched when they were stoned.
1599
01:25:42,250 --> 01:25:45,457
(giggling)
(audience chuckling)
1600
01:25:45,457 --> 01:25:47,330
Brad?
- Janet!
1601
01:25:47,330 --> 01:25:48,256
- Brad!
1602
01:25:48,256 --> 01:25:49,297
- Janet!
- Dammit!
1603
01:25:49,297 --> 01:25:50,330
- Janet!
- Dammit!
1604
01:25:50,330 --> 01:25:51,163
- Janet...
1605
01:25:53,471 --> 01:25:57,198
- No no no no no no no no no no no no!
1606
01:25:57,198 --> 01:26:00,190
(grunting)
1607
01:26:00,190 --> 01:26:02,241
- Oh what have I done?
1608
01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:03,074
Leave!
1609
01:26:05,939 --> 01:26:07,796
I said leave!
- Oh my god!
1610
01:26:07,796 --> 01:26:10,546
(dramatic music)
1611
01:26:12,593 --> 01:26:15,343
(poignant music)
1612
01:26:18,473 --> 01:26:22,015
♪ You tore my heart out ♪
1613
01:26:22,015 --> 01:26:26,055
♪ My human heart out ♪
1614
01:26:26,055 --> 01:26:31,055
♪ You ripped it from the bone ♪
1615
01:26:32,417 --> 01:26:36,026
♪ You left a hole there ♪
1616
01:26:36,026 --> 01:26:40,229
♪ A burning hole there ♪
1617
01:26:40,229 --> 01:26:43,812
♪ An ache I've never known ♪
1618
01:26:46,709 --> 01:26:50,640
♪ I've torn some arms off ♪
(audience chuckling)
1619
01:26:50,640 --> 01:26:54,260
♪ I've torn some heads off ♪
1620
01:26:54,260 --> 01:26:59,260
♪ I've behaved quite violently ♪
1621
01:27:01,077 --> 01:27:04,768
♪ But that despair now ♪
1622
01:27:04,768 --> 01:27:08,868
♪ Cannot compare now ♪
1623
01:27:08,868 --> 01:27:13,868
♪ To what you've done to me ♪
1624
01:27:16,128 --> 01:27:21,128
♪ You, you ♪
1625
01:27:22,029 --> 01:27:27,029
♪ Tore my heart out ♪
1626
01:27:31,481 --> 01:27:36,481
♪ I thought you could see ♪
1627
01:27:37,735 --> 01:27:42,735
♪ The simple person in me ♪
1628
01:27:44,229 --> 01:27:49,229
♪ I thought you saw my truth within ♪
1629
01:27:50,357 --> 01:27:53,437
♪ It's me against the world ♪
1630
01:27:53,437 --> 01:27:58,437
♪ And it looks like the
world is gonna win ♪
1631
01:28:02,928 --> 01:28:06,317
♪ And so I end here ♪
1632
01:28:06,317 --> 01:28:10,128
♪ As I began here ♪
1633
01:28:10,128 --> 01:28:15,128
♪ A soul who's hard to love ♪
1634
01:28:15,848 --> 01:28:19,107
♪ It's kind of funny ♪
1635
01:28:19,107 --> 01:28:22,197
♪ But for a moment ♪
1636
01:28:22,197 --> 01:28:27,197
♪ I was the man who you dreamed of ♪
1637
01:28:30,296 --> 01:28:35,296
♪ Now that dream has died ♪
1638
01:28:36,837 --> 01:28:41,837
♪ So how can I stay ♪
1639
01:28:42,952 --> 01:28:47,847
♪ I guess I'll have to save the world ♪
1640
01:28:47,847 --> 01:28:52,847
♪ Some other way ♪
1641
01:28:57,496 --> 01:29:01,528
♪ I wish you well now ♪
1642
01:29:01,528 --> 01:29:05,576
♪ I understand now ♪
1643
01:29:05,576 --> 01:29:10,576
♪ You did what you had to ♪
1644
01:29:12,376 --> 01:29:16,243
♪ You tore my heart out ♪
1645
01:29:16,243 --> 01:29:20,019
♪ My human heart out ♪
1646
01:29:20,019 --> 01:29:25,019
♪ And that's the worst
thing you could do ♪
1647
01:29:29,488 --> 01:29:34,299
♪ And that's the worst thing ♪
1648
01:29:34,299 --> 01:29:36,882
♪ You could do ♪
1649
01:29:43,905 --> 01:29:48,905
(audience applauding)
(audience cheering)
1650
01:29:54,214 --> 01:29:56,797
(tender music)
1651
01:29:59,559 --> 01:30:01,726
(weeping)
1652
01:30:06,930 --> 01:30:08,680
(audience tittering)
1653
01:30:08,680 --> 01:30:11,347
♪ He tore her heart out ♪
1654
01:30:11,347 --> 01:30:14,431
- Yeah he did.
- That son of a bitch!
1655
01:30:14,431 --> 01:30:16,871
♪ Tore her heart out ♪
1656
01:30:16,871 --> 01:30:20,391
♪ And now she wants to die ♪
1657
01:30:20,391 --> 01:30:23,022
No more...
- Mmm hmm mm...
1658
01:30:23,022 --> 01:30:25,881
- I knew he wasn't French!
1659
01:30:25,881 --> 01:30:28,707
I knew it, you know just
the way you described him,
1660
01:30:28,707 --> 01:30:31,692
all big and burly (whinnies)!
1661
01:30:31,692 --> 01:30:33,125
- Eh, uh-uh.
1662
01:30:33,125 --> 01:30:33,958
- What?
1663
01:30:33,958 --> 01:30:35,738
Don't you go looking at me with those
1664
01:30:35,738 --> 01:30:38,658
Judge Judy eyes, Dianne, uh-hmm...
1665
01:30:38,658 --> 01:30:41,229
Go back to your lesbionic folk singing,
1666
01:30:41,229 --> 01:30:44,230
because I know, what I know!
(audience chuckling)
1667
01:30:44,230 --> 01:30:46,389
And I don't care if he got super-strength,
1668
01:30:46,389 --> 01:30:49,429
when I see him, he gonna get a whuppin!
1669
01:30:49,429 --> 01:30:51,240
Telling you he's a freak!
1670
01:30:51,240 --> 01:30:54,490
Mmm child, we all got issues!
1671
01:30:54,490 --> 01:30:58,365
You know, I dated this Puerto
Rican from Dominica once,
1672
01:30:58,365 --> 01:31:00,198
six toes on each foot!
1673
01:31:01,769 --> 01:31:04,289
We all got issues!
(audience snickering)
1674
01:31:04,289 --> 01:31:05,122
Oh you want another
1675
01:31:05,122 --> 01:31:07,018
frap-a-mocha-pumpkin-chino?
1676
01:31:07,018 --> 01:31:08,085
Oh you're good.
(Sarah weeping)
1677
01:31:08,085 --> 01:31:10,105
- Oh, um, excuse me!
1678
01:31:10,105 --> 01:31:14,360
Um, I'm Eunice Ferd,
mother of Melvin Ferd?
1679
01:31:14,360 --> 01:31:18,642
Who I wanted to be a lawyer,
but now he's a mutant freak?
1680
01:31:18,642 --> 01:31:21,416
You're the blind librarian my
son's in love with aren't you?
1681
01:31:21,416 --> 01:31:22,787
- Uh, how did you find me?
1682
01:31:22,787 --> 01:31:26,922
- I got a call from your
friend, Shinandadoa.
1683
01:31:26,922 --> 01:31:31,005
- Shiniqua!
(audience snickering)
1684
01:31:32,962 --> 01:31:37,962
- Sweetheart, you have got
to stop crying and man-up!
1685
01:31:38,210 --> 01:31:41,008
My son, he's on a rampage!
1686
01:31:41,008 --> 01:31:42,605
He killed a senior citizen!
1687
01:31:42,605 --> 01:31:43,438
- Who?
- What?
1688
01:31:43,438 --> 01:31:45,538
- Senior citizen?
1689
01:31:45,538 --> 01:31:47,600
Was she almost dead anyway, hmm?
1690
01:31:47,600 --> 01:31:49,093
(audience chuckling)
- No!
1691
01:31:49,093 --> 01:31:51,349
- Poor child!
- Then it's all
1692
01:31:51,349 --> 01:31:52,790
because of me!
1693
01:31:52,790 --> 01:31:54,670
- And that's what I feared, and you're the
1694
01:31:54,670 --> 01:31:56,459
only one who can stop him!
1695
01:31:56,459 --> 01:31:58,630
- No, no I can't, I
felt his face, and then
1696
01:31:58,630 --> 01:32:00,485
he told me that I--
- Honey, his father's face
1697
01:32:00,485 --> 01:32:03,583
wasn't much different and
he wasn't even a mutant!
1698
01:32:03,583 --> 01:32:05,166
- Hmm, I hear that!
1699
01:32:06,100 --> 01:32:08,872
- Been there, been there!
1700
01:32:08,872 --> 01:32:11,955
(audience chuckling)
1701
01:32:14,271 --> 01:32:18,171
- But how can I love a man like Melvin?
1702
01:32:18,171 --> 01:32:19,254
- Oh my dear!
1703
01:32:20,373 --> 01:32:25,011
If blind people don't love
ugly people, then who will?
1704
01:32:25,011 --> 01:32:26,108
(audience snickering)
1705
01:32:26,108 --> 01:32:29,191
(perky music)
- What?
1706
01:32:31,124 --> 01:32:32,041
- Oh, here!
1707
01:32:33,116 --> 01:32:35,646
♪ It's a burden every woman shares ♪
1708
01:32:35,646 --> 01:32:39,735
♪ As she travels down life's road ♪
1709
01:32:39,735 --> 01:32:42,618
♪ She dreams of meeting
a handsome prince ♪
1710
01:32:42,618 --> 01:32:44,853
♪ But all she meets are toads ♪
1711
01:32:44,853 --> 01:32:46,696
♪ They're all toads ♪
1712
01:32:46,696 --> 01:32:49,072
♪ It's been true since the dawn of time ♪
1713
01:32:49,072 --> 01:32:52,880
♪ From the Romans to the Greeks ♪
1714
01:32:52,880 --> 01:32:57,393
♪ Honey, face it, all men are freaks ♪
1715
01:32:57,393 --> 01:32:59,403
(audience chuckling)
Come on!
1716
01:32:59,403 --> 01:33:04,403
♪ Sister, face it, all men are freaks ♪
1717
01:33:06,564 --> 01:33:09,182
♪ I've had my share of men before ♪
1718
01:33:09,182 --> 01:33:12,199
♪ Yeah I've been in many beds ♪
1719
01:33:12,199 --> 01:33:13,440
♪ Yours ♪
♪ Hoo-hoo ♪
1720
01:33:13,440 --> 01:33:15,932
♪ I've felt their lumpy bodies girl ♪
1721
01:33:15,932 --> 01:33:19,412
♪ And I've rubbed all their bald heads ♪
1722
01:33:19,412 --> 01:33:21,337
♪ Me too ♪
♪ They have things hanging ♪
1723
01:33:21,337 --> 01:33:22,678
♪ Off of them ♪
1724
01:33:22,678 --> 01:33:26,641
♪ They have hair on all their cheeks ♪
1725
01:33:26,641 --> 01:33:31,141
♪ Honey, grow up, all men are freaks ♪
1726
01:33:32,397 --> 01:33:33,771
- Let's go find some.
1727
01:33:33,771 --> 01:33:36,452
♪ Find kindness in your female heart ♪
1728
01:33:36,452 --> 01:33:40,639
♪ No need to act superior ♪
1729
01:33:40,639 --> 01:33:43,339
♪ Men need a lot of therapy ♪
1730
01:33:43,339 --> 01:33:46,281
♪ Because they were born inferior ♪
1731
01:33:46,281 --> 01:33:49,763
♪ Inferior ♪
♪ So spread a little charity ♪
1732
01:33:49,763 --> 01:33:54,184
♪ For every Tom and Dick and Kenny ♪
1733
01:33:54,184 --> 01:33:57,095
♪ Somehow overlook the faults ♪
1734
01:33:57,095 --> 01:34:02,095
♪ Of which they all have many ♪
1735
01:34:04,462 --> 01:34:07,011
♪ It's a burden every woman shares ♪
1736
01:34:07,011 --> 01:34:09,761
♪ Be she mother, wife, or friend ♪
1737
01:34:09,761 --> 01:34:11,206
♪ Mother, wife or friend ♪
1738
01:34:11,206 --> 01:34:14,037
♪ The man she loves is no big prize ♪
1739
01:34:14,037 --> 01:34:18,062
♪ But still she must pretend ♪
1740
01:34:18,062 --> 01:34:21,016
♪ She must feed his ego every day ♪
1741
01:34:21,016 --> 01:34:23,888
♪ And hear the babble he speaks ♪
1742
01:34:23,888 --> 01:34:26,553
- Jibber-jabbar!
♪ Sisters, let's face it ♪
1743
01:34:26,553 --> 01:34:28,435
♪ All men are freaks ♪
1744
01:34:28,435 --> 01:34:31,323
♪ (mumbles) aching ass ♪
1745
01:34:31,323 --> 01:34:35,281
♪ Oh, gotta love your freak ♪
1746
01:34:35,281 --> 01:34:38,241
♪ I love my freaky freak ♪
1747
01:34:38,241 --> 01:34:42,425
♪ Oh, go find your freak ♪
1748
01:34:42,425 --> 01:34:45,172
♪ I would if I could only see ♪
1749
01:34:45,172 --> 01:34:48,786
♪ Ooo, ooo we'll go find your freak ♪
1750
01:34:48,786 --> 01:34:51,950
♪ Go find my find my freak ♪
1751
01:34:51,950 --> 01:34:56,614
♪ Oh, gonna save my ♪
1752
01:34:56,614 --> 01:35:01,314
♪ Oh, gotta save my ♪
1753
01:35:01,314 --> 01:35:04,231
♪ Oh, my beautiful ♪
1754
01:35:13,569 --> 01:35:15,569
♪ Freak ♪
1755
01:35:19,219 --> 01:35:24,219
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1756
01:35:26,731 --> 01:35:29,981
- Okay...
(tense music)
1757
01:35:31,798 --> 01:35:33,871
- [Narrator] And so, as the terrified
1758
01:35:33,871 --> 01:35:35,118
- Fuck!
- public hides from the
1759
01:35:35,118 --> 01:35:37,097
- Oh, oh yeah!
- rampaging monster, and
1760
01:35:37,097 --> 01:35:40,753
as the actors make a
difficult costume change,
1761
01:35:40,753 --> 01:35:44,713
we focus on our mayor,
who stands on her perch,
1762
01:35:44,713 --> 01:35:47,001
and gazes over all of you,
1763
01:35:47,001 --> 01:35:50,532
her simple-minded pathetic minions!
1764
01:35:50,532 --> 01:35:53,032
And then she lets out a laugh.
1765
01:35:54,143 --> 01:35:55,388
(laughing)
1766
01:35:55,388 --> 01:35:57,212
But it is a silent laugh
1767
01:35:57,212 --> 01:36:01,858
(audience chuckling)
that no one else can hear.
1768
01:36:01,858 --> 01:36:04,161
And then, calling upon the two people
1769
01:36:04,161 --> 01:36:06,572
she loves most in the world,
1770
01:36:06,572 --> 01:36:10,905
Theresa May and Donald
Trump, she reckons for blood!
1771
01:36:12,193 --> 01:36:16,443
- All right, listen to me
all of you Tromovillians,
1772
01:36:18,353 --> 01:36:21,603
Tromofilites, Tromaviolins, oh fuck it.
1773
01:36:23,942 --> 01:36:26,241
People who live in Tromaville!
1774
01:36:26,241 --> 01:36:27,883
(shouting)
- And we're
1775
01:36:27,883 --> 01:36:30,115
- We're a mob!
- generic mob voices!
1776
01:36:30,115 --> 01:36:31,193
(grunting)
(audience chuckling)
1777
01:36:31,193 --> 01:36:33,293
- Our worst nightmare has come true!
1778
01:36:33,293 --> 01:36:35,654
- Oh my god, we're
getting another Starbucks!
1779
01:36:35,654 --> 01:36:36,884
(groaning)
- No!
1780
01:36:36,884 --> 01:36:38,663
The monster is on a rampage,
1781
01:36:38,663 --> 01:36:40,484
he killed a senior citizen!
1782
01:36:40,484 --> 01:36:42,023
- Not a senior citizen!
1783
01:36:42,023 --> 01:36:43,865
- Was she almost dead anyway?
1784
01:36:43,865 --> 01:36:47,499
- You, no, so, citizens of Tromaville,
1785
01:36:47,499 --> 01:36:50,302
(patriotic music)
we must form a lynch mob!
1786
01:36:50,302 --> 01:36:52,124
- Lynch mob!
- Yay!
1787
01:36:52,124 --> 01:36:55,461
- A frenzied, blood thirsty lynch mob
1788
01:36:55,461 --> 01:36:58,331
that doesn't care about
stupid things like laws!
1789
01:36:58,331 --> 01:37:00,353
- [Mob] No stupid laws, yay!
1790
01:37:00,353 --> 01:37:03,848
- A lynch mob hopped up
on moral righteousness,
1791
01:37:03,848 --> 01:37:05,597
and malt liquor!
1792
01:37:05,597 --> 01:37:08,128
- Moral righteousness!
- Malt liquor!
1793
01:37:08,128 --> 01:37:09,128
- [Mob] Yay!
1794
01:37:09,992 --> 01:37:11,627
♪ Hunt him down like a squirrel ♪
1795
01:37:11,627 --> 01:37:13,419
♪ Be a man not a girl ♪
1796
01:37:13,419 --> 01:37:15,008
♪ There'll be blood, there'll be pain ♪
1797
01:37:15,008 --> 01:37:16,392
♪ This is war ♪
1798
01:37:16,392 --> 01:37:17,784
(grunting)
♪ We haven't seen such ♪
1799
01:37:17,784 --> 01:37:20,189
♪ A magilla since Mothra met Godzilla ♪
1800
01:37:20,189 --> 01:37:24,387
♪ He's as green and crazy as a (mumbles) ♪
1801
01:37:24,387 --> 01:37:26,691
♪ Wake the town, go door to door ♪
1802
01:37:26,691 --> 01:37:29,467
♪ Get your neighbors out of bed ♪
1803
01:37:29,467 --> 01:37:31,967
(mumbling)
♪ They'll be pissed ♪
1804
01:37:31,967 --> 01:37:36,059
♪ But persist, don't stop
till the monster's dead ♪
1805
01:37:36,059 --> 01:37:40,115
(mumbling)
♪ Till the monster is dead ♪
1806
01:37:40,115 --> 01:37:42,490
♪ We have the girlfriend set ♪
1807
01:37:42,490 --> 01:37:45,701
♪ Won't stop till the monster's dead ♪
1808
01:37:45,701 --> 01:37:47,261
(grunting)
1809
01:37:47,261 --> 01:37:49,749
♪ We'll thrust him down on
the ground and we'll pound ♪
1810
01:37:49,749 --> 01:37:53,162
♪ And we'll pound, yes
we'll go all the way ♪
1811
01:37:53,162 --> 01:37:54,860
♪ Sounded gay ♪
♪ But I'm not ♪
1812
01:37:54,860 --> 01:37:57,330
♪ What the heck, we're
as nutty as Glen Beck ♪
1813
01:37:57,330 --> 01:38:01,595
♪ And members of the NRA ♪
- Go USA!
1814
01:38:01,595 --> 01:38:04,020
♪ Text you wife, you'll be home late ♪
1815
01:38:04,020 --> 01:38:06,780
♪ Oh I can't forget the bread ♪
1816
01:38:06,780 --> 01:38:10,359
♪ No, you're a man who's got a date ♪
1817
01:38:10,359 --> 01:38:13,604
♪ To kill that monster dead ♪
1818
01:38:13,604 --> 01:38:14,442
♪ Dead ♪
1819
01:38:14,442 --> 01:38:17,192
(poignant music)
1820
01:38:19,240 --> 01:38:20,780
(audience chuckling)
1821
01:38:20,780 --> 01:38:23,738
♪ Finally it's him or me ♪
1822
01:38:23,738 --> 01:38:26,914
♪ Glory calls my name ♪
1823
01:38:26,914 --> 01:38:30,332
(gun firing)
♪ Could this be my destiny ♪
1824
01:38:30,332 --> 01:38:33,422
♪ To be God's favorite dame ♪
1825
01:38:33,422 --> 01:38:36,622
♪ It's a game for all the ages ♪
1826
01:38:36,622 --> 01:38:39,727
♪ Hear the angels softly weep ♪
1827
01:38:39,727 --> 01:38:43,124
♪ I got a mob to do the job ♪
1828
01:38:43,124 --> 01:38:48,124
♪ And in Jersey life is cheap ♪
1829
01:38:48,183 --> 01:38:51,194
♪ Get your pitchfork and hoes ♪
1830
01:38:51,194 --> 01:38:54,503
♪ No, hoes like these, not like those ♪
1831
01:38:54,503 --> 01:38:55,589
(audience chuckling)
- Oh I'm so sorry honey!
1832
01:38:55,589 --> 01:38:56,997
I'm sorry!
♪ Don't stop ♪
1833
01:38:56,997 --> 01:38:57,998
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1834
01:38:57,998 --> 01:39:00,938
♪ There she was, old and weak ♪
1835
01:39:00,938 --> 01:39:04,168
♪ And I killed her cold ♪
1836
01:39:04,168 --> 01:39:09,168
♪ I am but a mutant freak
who cannot be controlled ♪
1837
01:39:10,538 --> 01:39:13,818
♪ Toxie run, they're on your trail ♪
1838
01:39:13,818 --> 01:39:17,077
♪ Please be fleet of foot ♪
1839
01:39:17,077 --> 01:39:22,077
♪ Tromaville is burning,
it's about to go kapoot ♪
1840
01:39:24,742 --> 01:39:28,453
♪ Don't stop till he's dead ♪
1841
01:39:28,453 --> 01:39:31,469
♪ Till the monster's dead ♪
1842
01:39:31,469 --> 01:39:34,829
♪ To (mumbles) ♪
1843
01:39:34,829 --> 01:39:36,928
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1844
01:39:36,928 --> 01:39:39,302
♪ Tore my heart out ♪
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1845
01:39:39,302 --> 01:39:41,237
♪ My human heart out ♪
1846
01:39:41,237 --> 01:39:42,787
♪ Till he's dead ♪
1847
01:39:42,787 --> 01:39:45,037
(mumbling)
1848
01:39:48,093 --> 01:39:50,216
♪ Won't stop till the monster's ♪
1849
01:39:50,216 --> 01:39:51,706
♪ Kill the monster ♪
1850
01:39:51,706 --> 01:39:54,606
♪ Till the monster's dead ♪
1851
01:39:54,606 --> 01:39:58,689
(energetic music)
- Toxie, Toxie!
1852
01:39:59,936 --> 01:40:02,603
(Toxie roaring)
1853
01:40:04,131 --> 01:40:06,881
- Kill the beast, kill the beast!
1854
01:40:13,016 --> 01:40:15,266
(cackling)
1855
01:40:19,176 --> 01:40:24,176
(cow mooing)
(audience tittering)
1856
01:40:25,142 --> 01:40:26,309
- Toxie, Tox--
1857
01:40:29,606 --> 01:40:33,437
(audience snickering)
Ah, son of a bitch!
1858
01:40:33,437 --> 01:40:36,937
All right, okay, ah shit, right, ah, oh...
1859
01:40:39,083 --> 01:40:40,107
- [Toxie] Hey you all right?
1860
01:40:40,107 --> 01:40:40,955
- Yeah.
- Here let me get your stick.
1861
01:40:40,955 --> 01:40:44,930
- No fine, no no no no no
don't touch my stuff please!
1862
01:40:44,930 --> 01:40:45,860
(chuckling)
1863
01:40:45,860 --> 01:40:50,365
I'm sorry, sorry, I'm a
self-sufficient person and I,
1864
01:40:50,365 --> 01:40:53,589
and I can uh, I can find my own shit,
1865
01:40:53,589 --> 01:40:54,757
I can find my own shit.
- Okay.
1866
01:40:54,757 --> 01:40:55,738
(audience chuckling)
1867
01:40:55,738 --> 01:40:57,197
- [Sarah] It's okay,
feel the floor (mumbles).
1868
01:40:57,197 --> 01:40:58,317
- Look you're not really close right now.
1869
01:40:58,317 --> 01:40:59,527
- Is she okay?
- It's okay, she's all right,
1870
01:40:59,527 --> 01:41:00,469
she's fine, just fell over dropped
1871
01:41:00,469 --> 01:41:01,479
her stick again.
- Sorry, sorry, I know,
1872
01:41:01,479 --> 01:41:02,589
- I'll be one second,
- Is she all right?
1873
01:41:02,589 --> 01:41:03,561
- Yeah yeah she's fine.
- we were, were on
1874
01:41:03,561 --> 01:41:05,479
(mumbling)
(audience laughing)
1875
01:41:05,479 --> 01:41:07,768
- But more like, yeah, no
stop stop stop stop stop,
1876
01:41:07,768 --> 01:41:10,208
you're closer now, no, now
like back up a little bit.
1877
01:41:10,208 --> 01:41:13,040
- (mumbles), bend back a little bit?
1878
01:41:13,040 --> 01:41:13,873
- Shoot.
1879
01:41:14,880 --> 01:41:16,996
♪ She's beauty and she's grace ♪
1880
01:41:16,996 --> 01:41:21,996
(audience chuckling)
(audience applauding)
1881
01:41:23,568 --> 01:41:27,182
- This is, this is my job (chuckles).
1882
01:41:27,182 --> 01:41:29,175
I have to do this eight times a week.
1883
01:41:29,175 --> 01:41:30,607
(audience chuckling)
1884
01:41:30,607 --> 01:41:32,146
Come to the west end they said,
1885
01:41:32,146 --> 01:41:34,781
you'll have fucking fun they said.
1886
01:41:34,781 --> 01:41:36,606
You'll get to roll around on the floor,
1887
01:41:36,606 --> 01:41:38,536
this was not in the contract.
1888
01:41:38,536 --> 01:41:43,536
- It's next to your right...
(audience chuckling)
1889
01:41:44,367 --> 01:41:47,397
- Oh my god, thank god
they're not filming.
1890
01:41:47,397 --> 01:41:49,095
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
1891
01:41:49,095 --> 01:41:51,345
(mumbling)
1892
01:41:53,663 --> 01:41:55,644
(whistling)
1893
01:41:55,644 --> 01:41:57,635
Did someone just whistle my vagina?
1894
01:41:57,635 --> 01:42:00,191
(audience laughing)
1895
01:42:00,191 --> 01:42:01,716
- I think it did it itself.
1896
01:42:01,716 --> 01:42:05,546
(Sarah laughing)
(audience applauding)
1897
01:42:05,546 --> 01:42:06,773
(whistling)
Okay come on let's
1898
01:42:06,773 --> 01:42:08,376
get this going, come on team!
1899
01:42:08,376 --> 01:42:09,209
Let's go!
1900
01:42:09,209 --> 01:42:11,261
(shouting)
Left hand (gibbers)!
1901
01:42:11,261 --> 01:42:12,094
Yes, yes!
1902
01:42:12,094 --> 01:42:14,656
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1903
01:42:14,656 --> 01:42:17,816
(energetic music)
1904
01:42:17,816 --> 01:42:22,081
♪ When I (mumbles) I'm
gonna get (mumbles) ♪
1905
01:42:22,081 --> 01:42:27,081
♪ Melvin, trouble from the
day he was born, Melvin ♪
1906
01:42:27,515 --> 01:42:30,265
(dramatic music)
1907
01:42:34,873 --> 01:42:35,706
- Sarah!
1908
01:42:44,077 --> 01:42:45,964
(cheerful folk music)
(audience cheering)
1909
01:42:45,964 --> 01:42:47,294
♪ And so the chase is on ♪
1910
01:42:47,294 --> 01:42:49,594
♪ But will they catch the freak ♪
1911
01:42:49,594 --> 01:42:52,465
♪ Looks like the big green
guy could be up shit's creek ♪
1912
01:42:52,465 --> 01:42:54,024
♪ Will she catch him ♪
1913
01:42:54,024 --> 01:42:56,018
♪ No she won't catch him ♪
1914
01:42:56,018 --> 01:42:57,643
♪ Will she catch him ♪
1915
01:42:57,643 --> 01:42:59,089
♪ No she won't catch him ♪
- Toxie!
1916
01:42:59,089 --> 01:43:01,244
Toxie!
♪ By god she caught him ♪
1917
01:43:01,244 --> 01:43:03,263
♪ But she didn't catch him ♪
1918
01:43:03,263 --> 01:43:04,113
♪ Yes she did ♪
1919
01:43:04,113 --> 01:43:05,258
♪ No she didn't ♪
1920
01:43:05,258 --> 01:43:06,091
♪ Yes she did ♪
1921
01:43:06,091 --> 01:43:06,924
♪ No she didn't ♪
1922
01:43:06,924 --> 01:43:08,505
♪ You just missed him, come and get him ♪
1923
01:43:08,505 --> 01:43:10,380
♪ He's there now you can do it ♪
1924
01:43:10,380 --> 01:43:12,041
♪ If you want him, just believe in ♪
1925
01:43:12,041 --> 01:43:13,930
♪ Just believe it in your soul ♪
1926
01:43:13,930 --> 01:43:15,772
♪ You're the master of your own destiny ♪
1927
01:43:15,772 --> 01:43:17,401
♪ Tomorrow you can get it ♪
1928
01:43:17,401 --> 01:43:18,710
♪ We can reach the ♪
- Just,
1929
01:43:18,710 --> 01:43:20,825
(mumbling)
finish it!
1930
01:43:20,825 --> 01:43:23,169
♪ You can ♪
1931
01:43:23,169 --> 01:43:26,336
(audience snickering)
1932
01:43:31,361 --> 01:43:35,194
- Bitch.
(audience chuckling)
1933
01:43:40,201 --> 01:43:41,368
She caught it.
1934
01:43:48,580 --> 01:43:51,580
(audience cheering)
1935
01:43:53,590 --> 01:43:56,319
She caught the Toxic Avenger.
1936
01:43:56,319 --> 01:43:59,500
(dramatic music)
1937
01:43:59,500 --> 01:44:02,235
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
1938
01:44:02,235 --> 01:44:04,830
- All right, say goodbye Sasquatch!
1939
01:44:04,830 --> 01:44:06,329
I got bleach!
1940
01:44:06,329 --> 01:44:09,318
- Go ahead, destroy me,
my reason to live is gone!
1941
01:44:09,318 --> 01:44:11,849
(Mayor whining)
But before I die,
1942
01:44:11,849 --> 01:44:13,769
this citizen of Tromaville
must know who owns
1943
01:44:13,769 --> 01:44:14,953
the Good Earth Corporation.
1944
01:44:14,953 --> 01:44:16,430
- That's enough out of you!
1945
01:44:16,430 --> 01:44:19,430
- All right, drop the bleach, bitch!
1946
01:44:20,563 --> 01:44:21,917
- Sarah!
- Stay out of this
1947
01:44:21,917 --> 01:44:24,427
you gullible handicapped person,
1948
01:44:24,427 --> 01:44:26,267
the creature must be destroyed!
1949
01:44:26,267 --> 01:44:28,299
- She's right, I killed
an innocent old lady!
1950
01:44:28,299 --> 01:44:30,247
- No, no there must be some mistake!
1951
01:44:30,247 --> 01:44:32,008
- There's no mistake, I deserve to die!
1952
01:44:32,008 --> 01:44:33,677
(Sarah mumbling)
1953
01:44:33,677 --> 01:44:37,635
(audience snickering)
1954
01:44:37,635 --> 01:44:38,587
- Oh my god my pants!
1955
01:44:38,587 --> 01:44:39,420
- I agree!
1956
01:44:40,456 --> 01:44:43,685
- Well, you'll have to
go through me first!
1957
01:44:43,685 --> 01:44:45,727
- Uh, that's not me sweetie!
1958
01:44:45,727 --> 01:44:47,115
- But feels real nice.
1959
01:44:47,115 --> 01:44:49,382
- Oh!
- This is for Edna Ferbert!
1960
01:44:49,382 --> 01:44:50,705
- Wait!
1961
01:44:50,705 --> 01:44:52,294
Edna Ferbert?
1962
01:44:52,294 --> 01:44:55,134
You killed Edna Ferbert?
- Whoo!
1963
01:44:55,134 --> 01:44:56,204
- Guilty.
1964
01:44:56,204 --> 01:44:58,825
- Well that is wonderful.
1965
01:44:58,825 --> 01:44:59,658
(gibbering)
1966
01:44:59,658 --> 01:45:00,849
- What?
- What the hell
1967
01:45:00,849 --> 01:45:02,240
are you talking about?
1968
01:45:02,240 --> 01:45:03,520
- I used to live next door to her
1969
01:45:03,520 --> 01:45:05,392
and she was not innocent at all!
1970
01:45:05,392 --> 01:45:06,701
- Well of course she was,
1971
01:45:06,701 --> 01:45:09,880
she was a little old lady,
and little old ladies
1972
01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:11,771
are innocent and adorable.
1973
01:45:11,771 --> 01:45:13,251
- Yes.
- Aww...
1974
01:45:13,251 --> 01:45:14,496
- Oh yeah?
1975
01:45:14,496 --> 01:45:17,110
Well, she was going deaf right?
1976
01:45:17,110 --> 01:45:18,990
And you know how hard
of hearing people talk
1977
01:45:18,990 --> 01:45:20,606
extra loud when they're on the phone?
1978
01:45:20,606 --> 01:45:21,740
- Oh!
- Oh that's so annoying!
1979
01:45:21,740 --> 01:45:22,573
- Drives me crazy!
- I hate that!
1980
01:45:22,573 --> 01:45:25,477
- I know, I know, so I
used to hear her talk.
1981
01:45:25,477 --> 01:45:28,310
She ran Tromaville Escort Service,
1982
01:45:29,847 --> 01:45:33,605
a child prostitution ring
that enslaved children
1983
01:45:33,605 --> 01:45:36,787
of all races, creeds, and
religious backgrounds!
1984
01:45:36,787 --> 01:45:39,747
- What?
- And that's not all!
1985
01:45:39,747 --> 01:45:41,786
'Cause she also downloaded songs
1986
01:45:41,786 --> 01:45:45,044
illegally off the internet,
thereby depriving artists of
1987
01:45:45,044 --> 01:45:48,015
their rightful royalties!
(dramatic music)
1988
01:45:48,015 --> 01:45:49,863
- For the love of god!
(audience applauding)
1989
01:45:49,863 --> 01:45:52,205
(slow sympathetic music)
- Oh Sarah!
1990
01:45:52,205 --> 01:45:56,607
♪ You make me the ♪
- Stop singing!
1991
01:45:56,607 --> 01:45:59,442
The mutant must be exterminated!
1992
01:45:59,442 --> 01:46:04,442
- Oh he might be a mutant but
he's my mutant, motherfucker!
1993
01:46:04,756 --> 01:46:07,173
(gun firing)
1994
01:46:08,626 --> 01:46:12,954
Wha, did, di-did I get her?
(audience snickering)
1995
01:46:12,954 --> 01:46:14,037
- No, but ow!
1996
01:46:15,164 --> 01:46:16,823
- A little to the left sweetie!
1997
01:46:16,823 --> 01:46:18,531
(gun firing)
(groaning)
1998
01:46:18,531 --> 01:46:19,364
- Oh...
1999
01:46:19,364 --> 01:46:20,447
Oh, oh, oh...
2000
01:46:22,775 --> 01:46:25,464
(ballet music)
Oh...
2001
01:46:25,464 --> 01:46:30,464
(grunting)
(audience snickering)
2002
01:46:32,014 --> 01:46:34,431
(whimpering)
2003
01:46:35,562 --> 01:46:37,812
(grunting)
2004
01:46:41,570 --> 01:46:44,591
Fuck, fuck...
(audience chuckling)
2005
01:46:44,591 --> 01:46:47,008
(whimpering)
2006
01:46:53,370 --> 01:46:55,703
(screaming)
2007
01:46:59,530 --> 01:47:00,829
(gun firing)
2008
01:47:00,829 --> 01:47:05,829
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2009
01:47:07,088 --> 01:47:08,671
- Yeah, yeah now...
2010
01:47:10,410 --> 01:47:13,386
Now I got her that time didn't I?
2011
01:47:13,386 --> 01:47:16,365
- Yeah, she got me (grunting).
2012
01:47:16,365 --> 01:47:17,818
(tragic music)
- What?
2013
01:47:17,818 --> 01:47:18,898
Toxie?
2014
01:47:18,898 --> 01:47:19,731
No, Toxie!
2015
01:47:21,517 --> 01:47:25,267
- Sarah!
(audience chuckling)
2016
01:47:26,483 --> 01:47:30,400
- Toxie, you're not
hideous, you are beautiful.
2017
01:47:31,648 --> 01:47:33,629
Well I mean you could
use a little moisturizer,
2018
01:47:33,629 --> 01:47:36,203
but you're beautiful (sobbing)!
2019
01:47:36,203 --> 01:47:37,383
- Oh Sarah!
- Uh-huh?
2020
01:47:37,383 --> 01:47:39,589
- I think your love is
enough to keep me alive.
2021
01:47:39,589 --> 01:47:40,808
- Really?
- No...
2022
01:47:40,808 --> 01:47:44,724
- Oh...
(audience chuckling)
2023
01:47:44,724 --> 01:47:47,497
- I see a bright white light!
2024
01:47:47,497 --> 01:47:50,649
- Oh sorry!
(audience chuckling)
2025
01:47:50,649 --> 01:47:52,649
- Oh but I still see it!
2026
01:47:53,625 --> 01:47:55,122
Oh...
- Toxie?
2027
01:47:55,122 --> 01:47:57,955
(sorrowful music)
2028
01:48:00,548 --> 01:48:04,412
♪ Look deep inside ♪
2029
01:48:04,412 --> 01:48:08,785
♪ I have nothing to hide ♪
2030
01:48:08,785 --> 01:48:13,785
♪ Our love's meant to be for ♪
2031
01:48:15,280 --> 01:48:18,092
♪ Eternity ♪
2032
01:48:18,092 --> 01:48:19,230
- [Toxie] Oh Sarah?
2033
01:48:19,230 --> 01:48:20,475
- Uh-huh?
- Could you grant
2034
01:48:20,475 --> 01:48:23,326
me one last wish?
- Yeah, yeah.
2035
01:48:23,326 --> 01:48:26,475
- Something I've never done.
2036
01:48:26,475 --> 01:48:29,038
- Oh yeah, you want me to put out?
2037
01:48:29,038 --> 01:48:29,937
I can do that.
2038
01:48:29,937 --> 01:48:34,627
(audience chuckling)
- Oh, no, no, no, no...
2039
01:48:34,627 --> 01:48:36,294
- No?
- Just kiss me.
2040
01:48:43,231 --> 01:48:48,231
(mysterious music)
(audience cheering)
2041
01:48:50,903 --> 01:48:53,236
(whistling)
2042
01:48:55,770 --> 01:48:58,270
- Dammit, did I miss anything?
2043
01:48:59,353 --> 01:49:02,388
- You're too late Professor Kennith!
2044
01:49:02,388 --> 01:49:03,471
Toxie's dead!
2045
01:49:06,416 --> 01:49:08,057
(audience chuckling)
2046
01:49:08,057 --> 01:49:09,268
- But Professor, there must be
2047
01:49:09,268 --> 01:49:10,809
something you could do!
2048
01:49:10,809 --> 01:49:12,142
- I'm sorry, no,
2049
01:49:13,673 --> 01:49:16,307
there's nothing, nothing at all,
2050
01:49:16,307 --> 01:49:19,060
nothing in this world that could save this
2051
01:49:19,060 --> 01:49:21,700
poor, wretched creature.
2052
01:49:21,700 --> 01:49:22,533
- No!
2053
01:49:23,398 --> 01:49:25,065
No, no, you can't...
2054
01:49:27,108 --> 01:49:29,593
Oh my god (sobs).
2055
01:49:29,593 --> 01:49:30,676
- Okay, okay.
2056
01:49:33,561 --> 01:49:35,971
(sobbing)
Come on.
2057
01:49:35,971 --> 01:49:37,756
- No please!
- I'm so sorry.
2058
01:49:37,756 --> 01:49:39,528
- I can't!
- I'm so sorry!
2059
01:49:39,528 --> 01:49:42,036
(sobbing)
(sorrowful music)
2060
01:49:42,036 --> 01:49:43,453
(audience snickering)
2061
01:49:43,453 --> 01:49:44,869
- [Professor] Except!
2062
01:49:44,869 --> 01:49:46,402
- Oh fucking shit!
2063
01:49:46,402 --> 01:49:51,402
(audience chuckling)
(audience applauding)
2064
01:49:58,597 --> 01:49:59,430
Except?
2065
01:49:59,430 --> 01:50:02,688
- Well, it's a one in 1000 shot,
2066
01:50:02,688 --> 01:50:04,744
but he'd have to drink the dirtiest,
2067
01:50:04,744 --> 01:50:08,139
most vile, most disgusting
liquid imaginable!
2068
01:50:08,139 --> 01:50:10,754
- But where would we
find something that foul?
2069
01:50:10,754 --> 01:50:11,744
- I got it!
2070
01:50:11,744 --> 01:50:15,453
A glass of water from
the Thames, in London!
2071
01:50:15,453 --> 01:50:16,653
- [Sarah] Oh!
2072
01:50:16,653 --> 01:50:18,536
- Oh.
- Thank you!
2073
01:50:18,536 --> 01:50:21,619
(audience chuckling)
2074
01:50:26,064 --> 01:50:28,231
(humming)
2075
01:50:30,394 --> 01:50:31,227
No, no!
2076
01:50:36,011 --> 01:50:38,184
(humming)
2077
01:50:38,184 --> 01:50:41,253
(audience snickering)
2078
01:50:41,253 --> 01:50:42,170
No, please!
2079
01:50:47,162 --> 01:50:49,474
(humming)
2080
01:50:49,474 --> 01:50:52,557
(audience chuckling)
2081
01:50:55,794 --> 01:50:56,627
He's gone.
2082
01:50:58,093 --> 01:50:59,260
- My baby, oh!
2083
01:51:02,362 --> 01:51:05,593
- Oh my, my big French boyfriend!
2084
01:51:05,593 --> 01:51:08,145
(sorrowful music)
(sobbing)
2085
01:51:08,145 --> 01:51:11,562
I, I'm sorry, (mumbles).
2086
01:51:12,519 --> 01:51:14,686
(sobbing)
2087
01:51:26,330 --> 01:51:28,642
(dramatic music)
2088
01:51:28,642 --> 01:51:31,809
(audience applauding)
2089
01:51:33,715 --> 01:51:35,048
- [Toxie] Sarah!
2090
01:51:36,827 --> 01:51:38,120
- Toxie!
2091
01:51:38,120 --> 01:51:40,210
(audience chuckling)
2092
01:51:40,210 --> 01:51:41,698
- Sarah, whatever you just gave me
2093
01:51:41,698 --> 01:51:43,440
really tasted like shit!
2094
01:51:43,440 --> 01:51:46,190
- Oh, oh Toxie will you marry me?
2095
01:51:48,157 --> 01:51:52,173
♪ Promise ♪
2096
01:51:52,173 --> 01:51:55,789
♪ I promise ♪
2097
01:51:55,789 --> 01:51:59,717
♪ I promise ♪
2098
01:51:59,717 --> 01:52:01,717
♪ Sarah ♪
2099
01:52:04,768 --> 01:52:07,888
(Toxie roaring)
2100
01:52:07,888 --> 01:52:10,138
- That was a yes everybody!
2101
01:52:11,081 --> 01:52:12,156
(cheerful energetic music)
2102
01:52:12,156 --> 01:52:14,156
- Oh, my darling Melvin!
2103
01:52:15,214 --> 01:52:17,115
I almost lost you!
2104
01:52:17,115 --> 01:52:20,574
Oh and I promise to never
criticize or nag you,
2105
01:52:20,574 --> 01:52:25,157
ever, ever again, as long as
you give me grandchildren!
2106
01:52:26,675 --> 01:52:28,447
(squealing)
(chuckling)
2107
01:52:28,447 --> 01:52:31,030
- Hey, listen to me, everybody!
2108
01:52:32,013 --> 01:52:34,934
Well, all four of you.
(audience chuckling)
2109
01:52:34,934 --> 01:52:37,123
When I was dead, I heard a voice,
2110
01:52:37,123 --> 01:52:39,395
a voice that said unto me,
2111
01:52:39,395 --> 01:52:42,854
"Melvin Ferd III, you
have been chosen to go to
2112
01:52:42,854 --> 01:52:46,332
"every politician and corporate
executive on this Earth
2113
01:52:46,332 --> 01:52:48,403
"and see the good inside of them.
2114
01:52:48,403 --> 01:52:51,254
"And with compassion, and with hope,
2115
01:52:51,254 --> 01:52:53,750
"and with love, you must convince them
2116
01:52:53,750 --> 01:52:56,012
"to stop polluting our planet!"
2117
01:52:56,012 --> 01:52:58,132
- Yes!
- "And fouling our air!"
2118
01:52:58,132 --> 01:53:01,315
- That's right!
- "And to end global warming!"
2119
01:53:01,315 --> 01:53:02,318
(cheering)
2120
01:53:02,318 --> 01:53:05,067
- Wait but, what if they don't listen?
2121
01:53:05,067 --> 01:53:08,136
- "Then Melvin," the voice said unto me.
2122
01:53:08,136 --> 01:53:11,217
"You must rip their frickin' heads off!"
2123
01:53:11,217 --> 01:53:14,478
(cheering)
(audience applauding)
2124
01:53:14,478 --> 01:53:16,536
(mumbling)
- One more mum!
2125
01:53:16,536 --> 01:53:18,929
♪ Come on ♪
2126
01:53:18,929 --> 01:53:21,667
♪ Double (mumbles) up her hair ♪
2127
01:53:21,667 --> 01:53:23,993
♪ The experts think we'll all be dead ♪
2128
01:53:23,993 --> 01:53:28,993
♪ But they don't know
we're here to fight ♪
2129
01:53:30,989 --> 01:53:33,798
♪ Corporations are full of the beans ♪
2130
01:53:33,798 --> 01:53:36,246
♪ A hurricane wiped out New Orleans ♪
2131
01:53:36,246 --> 01:53:41,246
♪ And there's just one guy
who can make things right ♪
2132
01:53:43,259 --> 01:53:45,550
♪ He used to be weak and shy ♪
2133
01:53:45,550 --> 01:53:49,350
♪ But now he takes command ♪
2134
01:53:49,350 --> 01:53:54,350
♪ Oh god how I love my macho monster man ♪
2135
01:53:54,819 --> 01:53:57,870
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2136
01:53:57,870 --> 01:54:01,010
♪ And there's new air in the sky ♪
2137
01:54:01,010 --> 01:54:04,003
♪ We can breath now in New Jersey ♪
2138
01:54:04,003 --> 01:54:07,173
♪ So you won't catch cancer and die ♪
2139
01:54:07,173 --> 01:54:11,414
♪ No you won't catch cancer and die ♪
2140
01:54:11,414 --> 01:54:14,247
(patriotic music)
2141
01:54:20,357 --> 01:54:25,357
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2142
01:54:31,222 --> 01:54:35,830
- Ladies and gentlemen,
what a year it's been!
2143
01:54:35,830 --> 01:54:39,542
The voters of the greatest
state in the world have spoken,
2144
01:54:39,542 --> 01:54:42,489
so please welcome your new First Lady,
2145
01:54:42,489 --> 01:54:46,339
and the author of the
Oprah Book of the Month,
2146
01:54:46,339 --> 01:54:51,128
All Men are Freaks, and
your new governor, my baby,
2147
01:54:51,128 --> 01:54:53,585
representing the Green Party, governor,
2148
01:54:53,585 --> 01:54:55,585
and Mrs. Toxie Ferd III!
2149
01:54:56,550 --> 01:54:57,485
(audience cheering)
(energetic music)
2150
01:54:57,485 --> 01:55:00,410
♪ The first bill that I plan to pass ♪
2151
01:55:00,410 --> 01:55:02,600
♪ Pollute the Earth,
and I'll kick your ass ♪
2152
01:55:02,600 --> 01:55:07,312
♪ And that seems like a
damn good place to start ♪
2153
01:55:07,312 --> 01:55:09,440
♪ Oh yeah, whooo ♪
2154
01:55:09,440 --> 01:55:12,610
♪ The second thing and this I mean ♪
2155
01:55:12,610 --> 01:55:14,851
♪ Love your brother,
be he brown or green ♪
2156
01:55:14,851 --> 01:55:19,255
♪ Or I will rip your face apart ♪
2157
01:55:19,255 --> 01:55:21,825
♪ Right apart ♪
2158
01:55:21,825 --> 01:55:26,825
♪ Together we will turn this
state into a promised land ♪
2159
01:55:28,040 --> 01:55:33,040
♪ And you and I will
walk hand in slimy hand ♪
2160
01:55:33,520 --> 01:55:36,528
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2161
01:55:36,528 --> 01:55:39,707
♪ We got everything we want ♪
2162
01:55:39,707 --> 01:55:42,830
♪ No more garbage in New Jersey ♪
2163
01:55:42,830 --> 01:55:45,920
♪ Cause we dumped it in Vermont ♪
2164
01:55:45,920 --> 01:55:49,728
♪ Yeah, we dumped it in Vermont ♪
2165
01:55:49,728 --> 01:55:51,627
- Fuck you Vermont!
2166
01:55:51,627 --> 01:55:53,996
(chattering)
(audience applauding)
2167
01:55:53,996 --> 01:55:57,048
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2168
01:55:57,048 --> 01:56:00,358
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
(giggling)
2169
01:56:00,358 --> 01:56:03,206
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2170
01:56:03,206 --> 01:56:06,506
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2171
01:56:06,506 --> 01:56:09,653
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2172
01:56:09,653 --> 01:56:12,797
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2173
01:56:12,797 --> 01:56:15,888
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2174
01:56:15,888 --> 01:56:19,146
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2175
01:56:19,146 --> 01:56:22,311
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
(clapping)
2176
01:56:22,311 --> 01:56:25,537
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2177
01:56:25,537 --> 01:56:28,686
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2178
01:56:28,686 --> 01:56:32,057
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2179
01:56:32,057 --> 01:56:34,305
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2180
01:56:34,305 --> 01:56:37,434
♪ A revolution ♪
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2181
01:56:37,434 --> 01:56:41,476
♪ Evolution ♪
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2182
01:56:41,476 --> 01:56:44,846
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2183
01:56:44,846 --> 01:56:47,886
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
♪ A revolution ♪
2184
01:56:47,886 --> 01:56:51,124
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
♪ Evolution ♪
2185
01:56:51,124 --> 01:56:53,966
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2186
01:56:53,966 --> 01:56:58,383
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2187
01:57:01,025 --> 01:57:02,105
(audience applauding)
2188
01:57:02,105 --> 01:57:04,830
New Jersey!
(dramatic music)
2189
01:57:04,830 --> 01:57:09,830
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2190
01:57:11,797 --> 01:57:16,797
(energetic music)
(audience applauding)
2191
01:57:49,094 --> 01:57:52,172
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
(clapping)
2192
01:57:52,172 --> 01:57:55,254
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2193
01:57:55,254 --> 01:57:58,393
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2194
01:57:58,393 --> 01:58:01,809
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2195
01:58:01,809 --> 01:58:04,945
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2196
01:58:04,945 --> 01:58:08,163
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2197
01:58:08,163 --> 01:58:11,305
♪ It's a brand new day ♪
2198
01:58:11,305 --> 01:58:15,722
♪ It's a brand new day in New Jersey ♪
2199
01:58:19,483 --> 01:58:22,394
Jersey!
(dramatic music)
2200
01:58:22,394 --> 01:58:27,394
(audience cheering)
(audience applauding)
2201
01:58:44,085 --> 01:58:47,252
(folksy guitar music)
2202
01:58:53,562 --> 01:58:55,592
♪ Let me tell you a story about ♪
2203
01:58:55,592 --> 01:58:58,557
♪ A man with a strange complexion ♪
2204
01:58:58,557 --> 01:59:03,307
♪ He killed a lot of folks and
he made a love connection ♪
2205
01:59:03,307 --> 01:59:08,307
♪ By day, he had a girl who
baked him homemade breads ♪
2206
01:59:08,316 --> 01:59:10,056
♪ By night, he roamed the streets ♪
2207
01:59:10,056 --> 01:59:12,267
♪ And ripped off people's heads ♪
2208
01:59:12,267 --> 01:59:14,756
♪ This is the legend ♪
2209
01:59:14,756 --> 01:59:16,420
♪ He's the legend ♪
2210
01:59:16,420 --> 01:59:21,420
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
2211
01:59:23,075 --> 01:59:27,909
♪ At first, the folks were sure
he'd kill them all one day ♪
2212
01:59:27,909 --> 01:59:32,719
♪ But then their crime went
down and the freak seemed okay ♪
2213
01:59:32,719 --> 01:59:37,541
♪ He proved more popular than
Prince William and Kate ♪
2214
01:59:37,541 --> 01:59:41,529
♪ He put the garden back
in the Garden State ♪
2215
01:59:41,529 --> 01:59:43,768
♪ This is the legend ♪
2216
01:59:43,768 --> 01:59:45,615
♪ He's the legend ♪
2217
01:59:45,615 --> 01:59:50,615
♪ The legend of the Toxic Avenger ♪
2218
01:59:51,370 --> 01:59:53,781
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
2219
01:59:53,781 --> 01:59:56,048
♪ He's the legend ♪
2220
01:59:56,048 --> 01:59:58,130
♪ Oh he's the legend ♪
2221
01:59:58,130 --> 02:00:00,690
♪ Hot dang the legend ♪
2222
02:00:00,690 --> 02:00:05,239
♪ So tell your children about the legend ♪
2223
02:00:05,239 --> 02:00:07,509
♪ You tell your children's children ♪
2224
02:00:07,509 --> 02:00:10,288
♪ You tell your children's
children chldren ♪
2225
02:00:10,288 --> 02:00:12,621
♪ Have your children tell their friends ♪
2226
02:00:12,621 --> 02:00:14,758
♪ And their friends tell other friends ♪
2227
02:00:14,758 --> 02:00:17,097
♪ Make some calls, write some letters ♪
2228
02:00:17,097 --> 02:00:19,707
♪ Go on Facebook, tweet on Twitter ♪
2229
02:00:19,707 --> 02:00:23,118
♪ Go on LinkedIn, don't do
MySpace, no one goes there ♪
2230
02:00:23,118 --> 02:00:28,118
♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na,
na-na-na-na, na-na, oh oh ♪
2231
02:00:29,633 --> 02:00:34,227
♪ Clap with me, clap with
me, clap with me, take it ♪
2232
02:00:34,227 --> 02:00:38,591
♪ Clap with me, clap with me ♪
2233
02:00:38,591 --> 02:00:42,174
(screechy harmonica music)
2234
02:00:47,276 --> 02:00:50,526
(energetic folk music)
2235
02:00:56,452 --> 02:00:59,285
- [Mayor] Just fucking finish it!
2236
02:01:00,305 --> 02:01:06,252
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