All language subtitles for The Roses 2025 1080p WEB-DL HEVC x265 5.1 BONE

THERAPIST: Okay.
So, today's session,

the ten things
you love about each other.

Theo, you first.

Sure, um...

One. I would rather
live with her than a wolf.

Did you say wolf?

-Yeah.
-Wow.

-Well...
-Uh, one. He has arms.

Well, I saw a documentary once
about a man without arms,

and it looked
like a difficult life,

particularly
for the partner, so...

I like that he has arms.

Yeah, that's fair.

Arms.

Two, the shape of her head
is somewhat pleasing...

...at a distance.

Three, I have memories
of her being witty.

Four, she smells pleasant...
on occasion.

I actually struggled
to write any more.

Uh, two. His breath
smells like an anchovy

that's been
on the piss all night.

Three, the way he laughs

is like a diseased dog's
death rattle.

Four, uh, he's a bad father.

A fucked lover.
A complete deadshit.

A victim. A loser. A wanker.

Number ten. "Theo, what a cunt."

(SNORTS, LAUGHS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

That wasn't the task.

Those are things you hate.
It's not funny.

That is... That's--
That's actually quite funny.

I see so much resentment
and defensiveness.

-(BOTH LAUGH)
-An inability to apologize...

...to share your vulnerability.

In his defense,
he is a whiny baby,

so that's vulnerability.

-(THEO LAUGHS)
-Verbal cruelty.

In England,
we call that repartee.

Self-righteousness. Mockery.
An inability to admit wrongs.

I don't think
you have the capacity

to fix your problems.

(CLOCK TICKING)

IVY: It's terrifying how close
we came to losing each other.

THEO: Lucky us.

IVY: Lucky us.

-IVY: Always have been.
-THEO: Mm.

IVY: Remember when we met?

THEO: Good day.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MAN: So, I think this is
a moment of celebration

for all of us.

I think we can be very proud
of this building.

WOMAN: Congratulations, Darren.
MAN: Congratulations, Darren.

Cheers, everyone.

Dear God. He actually means it.

Theo, what did you say?

Sorry. I was, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT)

...just remembering
how we got rid of

the cascading garden balconies

so that we are
denying the humans

who will be living
in these 700 featureless boxes

the chance to engage
with fresh air, see a horizon,

or maybe decisively
embrace the moment

that living in their apartments
makes them want to jump.

So, really, people,
when you think about it,

we saved lives.

To us!

Right. I mean,
the balcony thing

is actually a good example,
Theo.

I detect a note
of bitterness about it.

-But we all have to...
-(WHISPERS) Oh, fuck.

...grind ourselves
and our whims as architects

down to the market's needs...

(THEO EXHALES)

Sorry. Um...

I just need a moment
so I don't kill myself

in front of my colleagues.

Interesting.
How would you do it?

Do you have
a very large knife anywhere?

I do.

I need it to finish this though.

(CHUCKLES)

I'll happily wait.

What is this?

Trout carpaccio.

Oh, wait.
Try it with some of this.

Mmm.

Jesus!

Well, don't give Him credit.
It's all me.

Dehydrated blackberry
and anchovy.

I want to put it on there,
but the chef won't let me.

How can we live like this?

Me, no cascading
garden balconies.

You, no dehydrated thingy.

(LAUGHS)

Personally, I'm moving
to America next week

to live free and become a chef.

Well, maybe I should join you.

We haven't even had sex yet.

That's minutes away though.

Very true.

Service!

Join me in the cool room. Um...

Um... Theo.

Ivy.

(GLASS SQUEAKS)

(HAPPY TOGETHER
BY SUSANNA HOFFS
AND RUFUS WAINWRIGHT PLAYS)

WOMAN: ♪ Imagine me and you ♪

♪ I do ♪

♪ I think about you
Day and night ♪

♪ It's only right ♪

♪ To think about
The boy you love ♪

♪ And hold him tight ♪

WOMAN AND MAN:
♪ So happy together ♪

MAN:
♪ If I should call you up ♪

♪ Invest a dime♪

♪ And you say
You belong to me ♪

♪ And ease my mind ♪

♪ Imagine how
The world could be ♪

♪ So very fine ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ I can't see me ♪

♪ Lovin' nobody but you ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ When you're with me ♪

♪ Baby
The skies will be blue ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ Me and you
And you and me ♪

♪ No matter how
They toss the dice ♪

♪ It has to be ♪

♪ The only one for me is you ♪

♪ And you for me ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ I can't see me ♪

♪ Lovin' nobody but you ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ When you're with me ♪

♪ Baby
The skies will be blue ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ Me and you
And you and me ♪

♪ No matter how
They toss the dice ♪

♪ It has to be ♪

♪ The only one for me is you ♪

♪ And you for me ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ ♪

IVY:
Who wants
to eat the bus driver?

-Me!
-(LAUGHTER)

ROY: So weird, the tall buses.

GIRL: And why are they red?

So you can see them,
'cause it's so foggy.

Well, it's not
so foggy there anymore.

Not since Jack the Ripper died.

Look. Try Tower Bridge.
So this is licorice.

Add this dark chocolate,
this raspberry, and this--

don't tell anyone--
shrimp powder.

A fish?

Depth of flavor
without the fishiness.

Close your eyes.

-Gosh!
-Gosh indeed!

Look, I know it's a museum.

But it's supposed to represent
a sail on a ship,

so it should feel like that.

You should expect pirates

to come round
the corner at any moment.

No. I'm joking.

Look, I want the sail.

The question you have
to ask yourself is how do you

-want to live your life?
-(CHILDREN GIGGLING)

-With courage or without?
-HATTIE: Dad!

Thank you.
Then I'll send you the numbers.

-(EXHALES)
-Daddy!

-We're eating British icons.
-(THEO GRUNTS)

Caramel miso Buckingham Palace.

(GRUNTS)
Yes. Of course you are.

Look.
Big Ben shiso bourbon cookie.

Sounds good.
(SIGHS)

I feel dizzy,
and my tongue's fizzing.

THEO: Yeah.

Amazing. Of course.

But, don't you think it might be
a bit of a problem

turning their blood
40-proof sucrose?

Don't sugar shame them.

But it is bad
for their health long-term.

And they will get fat.

Buddha was fat.

And he was great.

-He was great.
-Ivy.

Look, they'll learn
to self manage.

If you restrict things,
it leads to weird obsessions.

-I feel sick.
-See?

Ah. I do. I see
a girl learning her limits.

-(RETCHES)
-ROY: Whoa.

Lesson learned. Limit reached.
Parenting tick for Mummy.

ROY: Ugh.

Oh, dear. Oh, you're fine.

Can't you just
admit you're wrong?

On the day that I am, I can.

But not on the day
I built your building,

soon to be the eighth
wonder of the world,

here in Northern California,

in raspberry shortcake!
(IMITATES CROWD CHEERING)

Oh, my God. (LAUGHS)

GIRL: How did you do that, Mom?

-You know the way to my ego.
-(IVY LAUGHS)

My God.
Isn't your mummy brilliant?

'Course she is.
That's a rhetorical question.

-You are a genius.
-Agreed.

I feel good to go again.

THEO: Stomach of Caligula.

You know the way
to make your daddy proud.

-Are we ready?
-GIRL: Yes.

Wait for it.

Ooh.

(GRUNTING APPROVINGLY)

-Oh, my God.
-This is so good.

Okay. I've gotta have some.

Raspberries.
Wait, wait, wait. Raspberries.

-Going in!
-GIRL: Mom, you're allergic.

-THEO: Ready?
-Mm-hmm.

-Oh, no.
-(IVY MOANS)

I am a genius.

That... is...

(GAGS SOFTLY)

(EXHALES) Mmm.

Divine.

Maniac.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

-We're going to the beach!
-All right.

Don't drown.

IVY: So what are we doing here?

THEO: Remember
when we had the kids,

and the patriarchy
sent that note saying,

"Squash your dreams

and facilitate
children and husband"?

Oh, yes. That note.
I remember that note.

Bit terse.
Quite soul destroying.

Agreed.

Well, look at this place.

It's been closed for a year.

Maybe a little bit
out of the way.

But I think it's cool, and I've
got that money from the design.

For the down payment
on our dream house.

No.

My darling, most days
you're making seven

iconic desserts
for three people.

Look, the amazing chef
that you are

and have always wanted to be

should not be a dream that dies
on the crucifix of family life.

GIRL: What are you looking at?

IVY: I love all that though.

I mean, maybe
for a couple of nights a week.

Oh, my God. Thank you.

-I think that's a yes.
-(EXHALES)

Oh, and I know
what we're gonna call it.

You do?

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(KING OF THE WORLD
BY FIRST AID KID PLAYS)

♪ I keep running around ♪

♪ Trying to find the ground ♪

♪ But my head is
In the stars ♪

-Hello, handsome fellas.
-Wow. All right.

♪ Well, I'm nobody's baby♪

♪ I'm everybody's girl♪

♪ I'm the queen of nothing ♪

♪ I'm the king ♪

-Nice!
-Thank you!

♪ Of the world♪

♪ ♪

Sir. We don't accept coupons.

Yeah, we do.

It's for Bed Bath & Beyond.

We do.

Oh, Jeff.
We're closing Wednesday night

for Hattie's soccer match.

Right. Of course we are.

Bye, Jeffrey!
Remember that you love me.

Mm-hmm.

THEO: Busy lunch?

-Untroubled by humanity.
-THEO: Hmm.

Maybe it's the name.

How about "We've Got Chlamydia"?

It's catchy.

So, where are we meeting
our wonderful American friends?

(HARD ROCK MUSIC
PLAYS)

(GUNSHOTS)

-Barry.
-There they are.

What's up, buddy? I was worried.

-You guys are late.
-Sorry.

That's how you lost the
Revolutionary War, am I right?

(ALL LAUGHING)

-Finally, we got you here.
-Yeah.

-Sure.
-Check this out.

Let's do this, motherfucker.

I'm actually not supposed
to do that.

-Come on.
-(GUNFIRE CONTINUES)

Okay. This is something
I will never get used to here.

It's fine. It'll be fun.

-(GUNSHOT)
-Oh, fuck!

-Get you all checked in, huh?
-(BULLET CASINGS JINGLE)

The eagles have landed.

-Hi.
-Oh, hey.

-Hi!
-Hi, Sally.

(GUN COCKS)

They've all got their own guns.

-(GUNSHOT)
-Fuck, yeah, they have.

(CHUCKLING)
Hi, guys. How are you?

I-- I need you to know.

I am anti-gun.

I am here ironically.

I am doing this as a statement
against guns.

Do you want a Glock?

My father actually killed
an intruder with this one.

Or I have a beautiful

Smith & Wesson
you could borrow.

Yes. I think I'll take
this black beauty

that's already killed someone.

Actually, I got you something.

You've been here ten years.
It was time.

(VOCALIZES ANGELICALLY)

I'm-- Uh, wow.

-(LAUGHING) Wow. Barry.
-Yeah.

That is really sweet.

You didn't tell me
you were gonna do that.

-Yeah, I did. A couple times.
-Gotta stop mumbling, babe.

Anyways, we all loathe guns.

Everybody's got 'em
so what are you gonna do?

Gotta defend yourself.
(LAUGHS)

Right. Careful.
It's got a hair trigger.

(IMITATES GUNFIRE RHYTHMICALLY)

-(LAUGHTER)
-(GUNFIRE CONTINUES)

Okay, a perfect takedown

is groin, elbow,
right eye, in that order.

-Sit into it.
-Yup.

(CHEERS ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Look at that! Five shots.
All to the larynx.

It makes him so happy.

Yeah. That wasn't the game.
I said groin first.

Oh, yeah. But I changed it
to larynx and then won.

Come on, Theo and Ivy!
Whoo!

-'Kay.
-Yeah.

Oh! This is my distance.

Yes, quickly!
He's getting away!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I mean, I really cannot wait
to see this building, Theo.

Sally. Thank you.

BARRY:
It's the talk of the town.

Can Theo Rose encapsulate
our maritime history

in steel, concrete, and wood?

-You know what? I just might.
-(ALL LAUGH)

You know that island
is a historic site?

It's been mentioned.

Don't fuck it up.
Has that been mentioned?

(NERVOUS CHUCKLES)

Actually, yeah, a man did
shout that at us in the street.

Yes.

I thought it looked crazy
beautiful in the designs.

Aw, thank you, Amy.

What? I thought it looked a
little half-assed and simplistic

in its attempt to render
California's history

in some fun form.

No offense.

-Is anyone else getting that?
-Rory.

None taken, due to the fact

that you are so very,
very wrong.

I feel that buildings
should be fun

and feel temporary and chaotic
and alive and beautiful.

And remind us
of all that humans can

and should be
at our very best.

Oh, my God.

Disagree with all of that.
But, um, good luck.

I'm excited for you, Theodore.

Jesus. Rory, what's up with you?

-THEO: It's okay.
-He's our guest in my home.

-What's the deal?
-I thought I could be honest.

Architect to architect.

-(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
-The guy's a star!

Sorry. I kinda do this.

SALLY: Yeah.
We are excited for you, Theo.

You know,
when we worked together,

I was like, "This guy...

is gonna do something special."

How? How did you know?

Maybe after this, you will.

To Theo. Hear, hear.

SALLY: Yes. To Theo.

Thank you. Thank you.

-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
-Ooh.

This is weird.

Oh, I should--
I should get this.

What?

(WHISPERING)
Let's get out of here.

Uh...

Uh, okay.

Oh. Oh, God.

Um...

Jiminy Cricket.
That's pretty-- pretty serious.

No, we will. Yeah.

We-- we've got to go.

-Everything okay?
-What?

Well, uh, a few years ago
in England, um...

we helped an escaped convict
who was hiding out on the moors.

We gave him food,

read him sonnets,
and then he was gone. Poof.

But, apparently,
he's turned up at our home here,

and he has a rucksack
full of coke and a sword.

-So... we'll call you.
-Oh...

Well, let us know
if you need help with the coke.

IVY: Really? A rucksack
full of coke and a sword?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Thank you for lying
so badly for me.

For you, dear, anything.

I do believe that's true.

It really is.

MALE ANNOUNCER: In
the East Bay Maritime Museum,

architect Theo Rose
has created a new form,

a groundbreaking design
that celebrates those sailors

who quested into the unknown.

THEO: And as they sailed from
California into the open sea

with courage and curiosity
about what was possible...

Well, I felt that the building
had to do the same.

BARRY: There he is.

Theo!

Amazing building, buddy.

You are about to leave
an indelible mark on the earth.

Oh, man. Thank you.

Yeah. Not everyone does,
you know.

Most people just push paper
and small talk, have dull sex.

Leave nary a dent. (LAUGHS)

Makes you wonder. (SIGHS)
What's the point?

-Are you okay?
-Hmm?

Oh, yeah. I'm great. Great.

I heard that
on a podcast or something.

Okay.

I was like,
"Thank God that's not me!"

(BOTH LAUGH)

(CERTAINTY BY BIG THIEF PLAYS)

♪ Name on the line
Last request ♪

♪ Pull the car over
To find some rest ♪

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

♪ Saying I love you ♪

(THUNDER CONTINUES)

REPORTER: Breaking news:
A historic storm

hits Northern California.

Major freeways are shut down

due to high winds
and torrential rains
across the region.

-(CAR HORNS HONKING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh, shit.

JEFFREY: Just a sec.

They closed the freeway,

so they are funneling
traffic down this road.

I mean, actual customers.

Shit.

-(CAR HORN HONKS)
-(THUNDER RUMBLES)

That's her.

Pardon my French, but the way
that the wind catches the sail

is whimsical as fuck.

(WIND WHISTLING)

-Yeah.
-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

Oh, it's Ivy.

-Hello.
-People are here.

The San Francisco Chronicle
food critic is here.

That's amazing.

No. Neither is amazing.

People here is bad.

Her being here is badder.

Are you stoned?

Yeah.

-(THEO LAUGHS)
-Is that bending?

Look. You can do this.

No, I disagree.
I think I might...

I might set a fire
in the kitchen

and let it break
into the dining room,

and then they'll all leave.

It's okay. I've got this.
I've got this.

My darling, no review
can hurt a business

that only does 30 covers a week.

That's actually a good point.

THEO: Just cook
like you do for me.

Aw.

Like I'm trying
to make her fuck me.

Yeah!

Yeah, okay.

I love you.

Never leave me, but when you do,
will you kill me on the way out?

Will do.

(WHISPERS) Okay, thank you. Bye.

-(CHUCKLES)
-(PHONE BEEPS)

-(THUNDER RUMBLING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

No.

(METALLIC CLANKING AND WHINING)

Oh, my God!

Oh, that shit is coming down.

It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be okay.

It's a sail.
It was built to move.

-It's not gonna fall.
-I think it might.

It's-- It's not gonna fall.

-(CROWD YELLING)
-No, no. Stop filming, guys!

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYS)

Cute place.

Eat that first and then that.

Squeeze that on that.
And that's salt I made.

I came when I first tried it.
No promises for you.

Sexuality's vast and
idiosyncratic but... (CHUCKLES)

Eat and go. Okay, bye.

THEO: It's gonna be okay.

-It's not gonna fall.
-(THUNDER RUMBLING)

-Stop! Stop!
-Don't film my friend!

Don't film!
Seriously. Don't film!

-(CROWD YELLING)
-Come on! Quit it!

(INDISTINCT EXCLAMATIONS)

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

Oh, my God!

Oh, no!

Oh!

(CROWD SCREAMING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

Theo!

Theo?

-All right, come on!
Don't film!
-It's not gonna fall.

BARRY: All right? Stop!

THEO: It's not gonna fall.

THEO: Jesus Christ!
Somebody! Please!

Stop.

Come on, guys. It's not funny.

(SHOUTS AND WHIMPERS)

Hi!

THEO: Fuck! No, no, no!

Are you still watching that?
You've been up all night.

-Help me!
Don't fucking film me!
-Uh, Possibly.

BARRY:
That shit is coming down.

You need to stop watching that.

I don't understand it.
It should have held.

It was just a freak storm.

Cheap fucking steel,
I bet, or... something?

I mean, I wanted it
to have movement,

just not fucking set sail.

I know.
Are you sure you're all right?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I'll be-- I'll be fine.

You know,
water off a duck's back.

Just a bump in the road.

Sorry. You wanted
to tell me something.

I heard you yelling.

-Nothing. Can't recall.
-(GASPS)

Your review. How is it?

It's not really worth reading.

Not while you're going
through this.

Ivy.

(THEO GASPS)

-This is amazing.
-It's just a dumb review.

It's the same thing
as your thing, my darling.

It's gonna
be forgotten tomorrow.

Today's news,
tomorrow's fish and chips.

(GROANING) Eh...

Is he all right?
I mean, what's he say?

He doesn't, really.
And it seems rude to ask.

You're his wife.

And you don't
usually mind being rude.

He's crushed and embarrassed,

and I don't wanna make it worse
by making him talk about it.

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS)

THEO (RHYTHMICALLY):
It's not gonna fall.

It's not gonna fall.

BARRY (RHYTHMICALLY):
I think it might.

THEO (RHYTHMICALLY):
It's not gonna fall.

It's not gonna fall.

BARRY (RHYTHMICALLY):
That shit is coming down.

(DOOR THUDS OPEN)

You said we could go have lunch
at the shack.

Come on, Dad.

BARRY (RHYTHMICALLY):
I think it might.

Okay. I'll go get dressed.

My God.

(CAN'T DO MUCH
BY WAXAHATCHEE PLAYS)

You need to come out here.

WOMAN: Oh, my gosh! Hi!

-What do they want?
-Food.

Your food.

(PATRONS CHATTERING)

♪ Nullify ♪

♪ I want you ♪

(EXHALES)

♪ ♪

You know what we should do?

We should have
a little sing along.

Sure.

Let's-- Let's sing,
um, um, um, "Bananas"?

-Yeah.
-Definitely.

(THEO VOCALIZES)

♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪

♪ We have no bananas today♪

Oh, I know. How about opera?

(OPERATICALLY)
♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪

-No. I'm so sorry.
-Is that one nine?

-(PHONES RINGING)
-The website crashed.

Reservation for when?

We're booked out
for two months.

No, I am so sorry.

We could open
for more than three days a week.

-(PHONES RINGING)
-Right. Okay. Wow.

I am just seeing
tips everywhere,

like I am a stripper

and a convention is in town.

Service, Jeffrey.

Coming!

(HIGH-PITCHED)
♪ We have no bananas today♪

-(PHONE CHIME PLAYS)
-♪ Hello ♪

DAVE: Hello, Theo.

Hi, Dave.

Hi, uh... uh, boss.
How you doing?

DAVE:
Thank God no one was hurt.
Are you okay?

Uh, no, I'm-- I'm okay.
I'm, uh-- I'll bounce back.

DAVE: Not with us, you won't.

I told you that dumb-ass sail

on top of the building
was dangerous.

The engineers are blaming you.

Someone's gotta
go down for this.

Look, personally,
I feel for you.

I mean,
some people would be suicidal.

Are you, Dad?

What? No!

What's suicidal?

He's gonna kill himself.

Because of the building?

DAVE: Oh, shit.
Are you with your kids?

(EXHALES)

Look... (STAMMERS)

Don't listen
to what he said, okay?

All right? I'm-- I'm fine.

It is just a building.

I don't even care.

Is that why it fell down?
Because you didn't care?

No, I fucking gave
my lifeblood to it.

It was everything to me.

(PANTING)

(CAR DINGING)

(EXHALES)

Fuck.
(PANTING)

(THEO GROANING)

Jesus. That fucking sail!

(SOBS)

Is he killing himself?

(THEO CRYING)

I can't see.

(PANTING)

Kids.

-(PHONES RINGING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Hi, Mom!
-Hey!

Wow! Look at this place!

Why are you dirty
and missing clumps of hair?

Am I? That's strange.

Oh, I had the car window open.
Strong wind.

Got fired actually.

And he's suicidal.
Would that make us orphans?

No, you'd still have me.

-Fired?
-Shoo.

Look, you're very busy.

We'll sit down and eat,
and I'll look for a new job.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

I mean,
it's like my grandma said,

"Life's cruel, nobody really
wants you for who you are,

and then you die in pain seeking
solace that will never come."

So... you know, maybe
my expectations were too high.

Oh, God.

Do you sell negronis,
and is there a limit

on how many one can drink?

Go sit down. Go sit down.

-(UTENSILS CLANKING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-I'm winning.
-Nuh-uh.

Yeah-huh.

Told you.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

-Hi. Oh, guys.
-Bravo!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Okay. Thanks.

Thank you so much.
Thanks for coming.

Thank you.

They love you.

Awkward.

No. I think it's great.

Are you okay?

-Are you really fired?
-Yeah.

Oh, Theo. I'm so sorry.

Yes, well...

No point dwelling on that
when you are a huge hit.

We should be dwelling on that.

You needed a rest anyway.

And I'm going
to get one because

no one's going
to hire me for a long time.

(INHALES)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Well, maybe I could
open more often,

'cause the phones
are going crazy.

I could do this
and pay the bills for a bit.

Just a bit. And you could--
you could look after the kids.

Oh...

I-- I could build children
instead of houses.

I love how free they are.

Yeah, well, enjoy it.
They're gonna get arrested soon.

(TRICKLING)

And we just do it
for a little while.

It's not forever.

Maybe I've been resisting
my genius for too long.

-I've always said that.
-Yeah.

No one can defeat us, Theo.

I've always said that, too.

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(ALARM CLOCK BUZZING)

(CLICKS AND STOPS)

(UPBEAT POP ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

Good luck.

♪ ♪

♪ Hey♪

♪ You're too beautiful today ♪

Waiter. Waiter.

Chef.

-Why don't you do it?
-I think you have to do it.

-You're in charge.
-Yeah. They want to...

They want to hear from you.

Uh, hi. I'm Ivy,
and you're the staff.

Uh, so, I'm not
a very hierarchical person.

So, you know.

Be good.

Okay. Dismissed. Brilliant.

I thought it was inspiring.

Like Obama was in the room.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Hello, children.

Daddy's here.

I am facilitating people,

and that is a service,
and there is joy in service.

There is not joy

in the heavy rock
of expectation for myself.

The endless need

to be at the narcissistic
center of my own navel.

The me, me, me
dot com of it all.

My building, my genius,
my career, my self-worth.

I mean, what is this
thirst for achievement

and where has it got us?

It's a blind giant dancing
is what it is.

'Cause a climate crisis,
a dying raped earth,

inequality, tract housing,
endless fucking growth,

and cupcake vending machines.

You want to be a part of that,
you toxic fucking male,

with your--
your testosterone-filled

ambition-laced poison cum,

jizzing in the face of humanity?

No, no, I do not.

(PANTING) Is he okay?

I think it helps him.

I want to be part of the change.

(PANTING)

Come here, my darlings.

We are gonna be just fine.

No. More than fine.

Wind sprints. Go!

(WRITE A LIST OF THINGS
TO LOOK FORWARD TO PLAYS)

Left turn, my little worms!

(PHONES RINGING)

I need lemons.

Can someone get me some lemons?

Do you have a reservation?

And there are still dishes
on the pass.

And I am sweating
into my eyeballs.

Jane!

-(BOTH MOANING)
-(CLATTERING)

-Oh!
-(MOANING CONTINUES)

Sorry.

Obviously,
I applaud your passion.

You should know it could lead
to marriage and children.

There's probably some hygiene
by-law about this.

Just touch nothing else
but each other.

Okay. As you were.

Carry on. Well done.

♪ Sit beside me ♪

♪ Watch the world burn ♪

♪ We'll never learn ♪

♪ We don't deserve
Nice things♪

♪ And we'll scream
Self-righteously ♪

Yass!

Mama had a good lunch.

134 covers.

You are a big fucking success.

-I really am.
-You are.

I'm gonna need bigger shorts.

More people, more money.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ With my head down ♪

♪ My head down ♪

♪ And I'm pushing away ♪

♪ Pushing away ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm pushing away
Pushing away ♪

-(SIGHS) What a night.
-Yeah.

-Thank you.
-Yup.

Could you just
hold the line, please?

Would you do a photo shoot
for New York Magazine?

-Nude?
-I don't think so.

I'll do it anyway.

Now I need to go and collapse.

-Go rest, Mama.
-(SMOOCHES)

-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(FOOTSTEPS)

(WATER TRICKLES)

(WHISPERS) Hey, guys!

Oh, I've missed you.

Hi. Look what I've got.
(GASPS)

Chocolate and blackberry
meringue ice cream sandwiches!

(IMITATES CROWD CHEERING)

We can't.

No way.

What?

We signed a contract with Dad.

It's more commitment
than a contract.

That's true.

Right.

Let's eat these while we discuss
the ridiculousness of that.

(GASPS AND MOANS)

He said she'd do this.

We just politely decline.

We politely decline.

You made them sign a contract?

It's more of a commitment.

They're kids.
They should be having fun.

Well, working towards
a goal is fun.

No. Ice cream sandwiches
at midnight is fun.

Not when it's
the enemy of the goal.

You can't beat them
"into dank submission,"

to quote Bukowski.

You're reading Bukowski to them,

-by the way?
-Well...

They don't know
what the fuck that means.

They should
be reading Harry Potter

or Dr. fucking Seuss.

You seem a touch overwrought.

I didn't think I'd have to fight

for the well being
of my children.

I thought I could trust you

to mold them in a kind
and fucking nurturing way.

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
Okay. Kids!

Hi. You really don't
have to keep doing this.

It's okay, guys.

-We signed a contract.
-It's more of a commitment.

Yeah, but you don't have to.

But then what's
the point of making it?

What does that teach us?

I mean,
that's a fucking bad lesson.

-Whoa!
-Whoa!

Where's the f-bomb
coming from?

I just heard you
rain 'em in on Dad and,

honestly,
it sounded fucking cool.

No, it fucking-- No, it didn't.

Okay. Back to bed, you two.
(CHUCKLES)

(MOUTH NOISE)

-(CHILDREN GIGGLING)
-Nice, Ivy.

-I'm going to bed.
-Oh.

Suppose the whole sex thing's
off the table?

Yeah. Well intuited.

How about a three-hour
circular argument

that goes nowhere?

Funny.

Look, I'm sorry.
I should have told you.

We just have
different ways with them.

I miss them.

Well, I could get them to run
to the shack tomorrow.

They could do
with a 12 mile hit out.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, my God.

They weirdly quite like it.

Okay. Sex.

But get me off first
so then I can sleep.

Oh, you and your honeyed words.

(CLASS HISTORIAN
BY BRONCHO PLAYS)

Feels good, right?

-No!
-No!

Pain is just weakness
leaving the body.

Come. Come on.

ROY: Are we almost there?

IVY: Yeah. Two kids.

They're heavenly creatures,
really.

I occasionally think they might
sprout wings

and reveal themselves
to be angels,

and then fly back to heaven.

Is David Chang really coming?

-MAN: I think so, yeah.
-Wow.

Can you just tilt that
towards me a little bit?

Great.

Oh, God. It's like a plague.

Can you show me
when you find some?

Mm.

How do they die?

Well, the conditioner
stuns them,

and then I take them
off the comb

and I break their backs.

That's just awesome.

-(CHUCKLES)
-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

-Hello?
-IVY: Hi! Guess where I am?

Uh, outside
'cause it's your turn

to look after the kids

and help them with
their homework in half an hour?

Not even close. I'm on a jet
to LA with David Chang.

We did the photo shoot,
and he was like,

"Fuck it! Let's go to LA

and have dinner
with Nancy Silverton."

-Right. Amazing.
-Isn't it? And then--

Um, just some jamón and
more champagne for me, please?

Then in the morning,
we're going to Malibu

to catch fish
and grill on the beach.

It'll be on my Instagram.

I'll be sure to look out for it.

So, you're coming home when?
Tomorrow?

Yeah. I know I should've
rung and asked.

THEO: That would've been nice.

And then I thought, ask what?
For permission?

Because we just want to be
the couple who love each other

and allow each other to
grasp the chances life gives us.

Do we not?

Yes. Rhetorical and entrapment.

But yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, of course we do. Yeah.

Tell me, darling.
How was your day?

And how are the kids?

Uh, well, the neighbor's dog
shat in the laundry.

The kids have got nits.

And my left eye is twitching
'cause I'm so freakin' tired,

I've got a head cold,
but you know--

Sorry, darling.
What did you say?

Oh, no. Nothing. Nothing.
You go have fun.

I love you and your big,
generous heart.

Thank you.

Love you, kids!
Call you at bed ti--

Why are you so cross at her?

'Cause I'm a dick.

(CHILDREN GIGGLING)

-Thanks, Leon. Bye.
-You're welcome.

THEO: Don't be a dick.
Don't be a dick.

Don't be a dick.

-(DOOR CLOSES)
-Be happy for her.

(COOING) Hey, my darling.

-Hey, there.
-Hello.

What a night. I had so much fun.

I can't remember
the last time I had fun.

Right, that's awesome.
Fun. It's awesome.

And just amazing people
to talk to.

People who do stuff,
you know?

Think stuff. Amazing stuff.

Just out in the world,
doing stuff.

Really?

-Was that a tone?
-Uh...

No, it's just washing
that I spent an hour on.

I thought about shagging you

all the way back
from the airport.

Good. Indeed. Yes.

It's just, um...

I'm-- I'm working my ass off.

Oh, really? You want
to do that instead of do me?

'Cause I also work hard.

And I appreciate it.

-Do you?
-Yes, I do.

Did you say, "I appreciate it"

when I said
I've been working my ass off?

No. So, the question becomes:
Do you?

-Yes, I appreciate it, darling.
-Mm...

Seemed a little
lackluster, like...

I don't know, maybe
you were forced into it.

I had fun, that's all.
Do you begrudge me that?

Glad you had fun.
Fucking awesome.

(PACKAGE RATTLING)

I got you these.

-You went to Bob's.
-Yeah.

An hour and a half out
of my way through LA rush hour

to get you Bob's Donuts.

Oh, shit.

Thoughtless of me, I know.
What a bitch.

This is a massive fucking
victory for you, isn't it?

Oh, I fucking know it.

(LAUGHS AND GROANS)

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

It's because I was jealous,
and I was begrudging your fun,

which is not cool, not sexy.

-I know. It's okay.
-(EXHALES)

Eat up, buttercup.

And then we're gonna
have some sugar-crusted sex.

-(EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)
-(CELL PHONE DINGS)

Is that mine?
No, it's yours. It's Jane.

She said, "Did you get
the Bob's Donuts?

That donut ice cream idea
is brilliant."

"Let's test-kitchen it
at ten a.m. Kiss, kiss."

Yeah.

Well, no,
'cause they're for you,

but the first--
the first idea was you,

and then the second idea
was the--

was the ice cream idea, but--

For sure.

42, 43,

44, 45, 46, 47,

48, 49, 50.

(JEFFREY GASPS)

I like their bling.

They literally
never take them off.

Why would you,
when you're state champions?

Revel in the glory, I say.

We are!

Though one day,
the glory will end, however...

The work goes on!

(SCOFFS)

I gotta say, you guys
don't seem great.

Yeah. Very discordant
energies here.

-Right?
-Yeah. Right.

That was intuitive, Barry.

-Thanks, babe.
-That was good.

So, how bad is it, Theo?

What?

It's-- Everything's great.

You know,
the shack's a monster success,

and the kids are killing it.

They won't actually let
themselves stop a workout

until they're dizzy
and throwing up.

-So that's-- that's commitment.
-Yeah.

And I'm actually--
I'm really loving it.

BARRY: Yeah.

But you are still a failure.

-Women don't like that.
-(LAUGHS)

-I sense trouble.
-Same.

Yeah. Yeah.

If you need a shoulder...
or an inner thigh to lean on.

BARRY: Yeah.

What?

-Barr, I'm kidding.
-Oh.

(LAUGHS)

(WHISPERS) I will fuck you.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

Ivy and I are just fine.

Oh...

It's intense, right?

-How did they--
-I don't know.

How?

So, is everything okay?

What? Yeah, why?

Eh...

There just seems an undercurrent
of discontent between you.

Oh, you could float
a boat in that current.

What? Really? Well,
I'm so busy, I haven't noticed.

Ivy. You must cherish
and nourish a relationship.

Don't you blow random
truck drivers in our car park?

And for that ten minutes...

...I cherish and I nourish them.

We're fine.

-Everybody seems to think--
-We hate each other?

Well,
"undercurrent of discontent"

was the phrase, but yes. Crazy.

I suppose sometimes
I do hate you.

IVY: (CHUCKLES) Funny.

No, seriously.

-What?
-Don't you have that?

When your whole body is seized

by dizzying waves
of fucking hatred?

Jesus!

Really? Y-You don't have that?

I thought we all did,
married people.

And, you know,
you just have to let it go.

And it'll pass
like a wave crashes

somewhere on a beach
in the Pacific.

I mean, put aside
taking it personally.

Put aside the dizzying hatred
you have for me?

Sporadic dizzying hatred.

You really don't feel like that
about me at all?

Well, I--
The other day I did think

if Charles Manson
invited me on a picnic

and if you
invited me on a picnic,

I'd go with Charlie.

Charles Manson.

Yeah, Charles Manson
on a good day.

What, a jamming
with the Beach Boys day,

as opposed to plotting
a murderous rampage day?

Don't take it personally.

(SIGHS) Manson.

Yeah, you're right.
I think we both have it.

Right.

Do you think we should try
and find out why we have it?

Well, no,
not if it's normal, no. No.

Right. Okay.

It's work. It's too much work.

And the kids.
I mean, I love them,

but they are draining the marrow
of my fucking soul.

And I-- I still love us.

Oh, I hate everyone but us.

Me too. I miss you.

I miss you.

We should do something.

Is it run away?

(MUFFLED RUMBLING SWELLS)

-No kids.
-Mm.

-No work.
-No.

New York.

-(SIGHS)
-Just you and me.

(MOANS)

I feel giddy
at the thought of it.

Cheers.

I'm so tired.

(SLURPS) Mm!

Sleep.

No, I want to be with you.

(SUSTAINED WHISPER) Sleep.

(MURMURS INDISTINCTLY)

I've got you.

Mm.

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES)

Theo.

Hi!

Oh, Sally.

-Hello.
-How are you?

I am really good,
thank you, yes.

-How-- how are you?
-Amazing.

I'm just designing
this psychotic new campus

for one of the tech firms
in Silicon Valley.

-Wow.
-Yeah.

That's-- that's great.

(GIGGLES) Yeah. You?

Freelancing.

That's cool.

Oh, my God. That fucking video.

"It's not going to fall."

"It's-- It's not going to fall."

-(LAUGHS)
-So-- So-- So funny.

So long ago, I've actually
forgotten about it.

I think most people have.

No one has, man.

-I mean, not in our business.
-I--

Enough about you.
Check this out.

-THEO: Ooh.
-Do you wanna know the budget?

-Sure. Sure.
-I can't tell you.

(PANTING)

Fuck.

-(BANGING FLOOR AND DOOR)
-Fuck!

(KNOCKING)

You all right in there?

Hello, there.
I'd like two Scotches, please.

Ooh, uh, I heard a noise.

Was there a noise?
Are we in danger?

-No, I--
-Oh, a relief.

So, two Scotches?

Should I wake her?

(WHISPERING)
In a thoughtful marriage,

a good partner drinks the
other's drink while they sleep.

Ah.

I think she'll have another.

As will I.

(JET ENGINE HUMMING)

-ATTENDANT: Sir, please!
-THEO: Give it... back!

ATTENDANT: No! Sir, I'm gonna
ask you one more time.

-Give-- Give it back!
-Sir, please!

-She's stolen my drawings.
-What's going on? Theo?

She stole my drawings and
then threw them in the trash.

I was just doing my job.

Your job is not
to make things disappear.

Jesus, Theo, how drunk are you?

Jesus yourself drunk, actually.

-What?
-Ah-ha!

You see? Told you.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Oh, thank God.
Have you got a Taser?

(DISTANT SIRENS WAILING)

How's the hangover?

Uh...

Distracting me
from the humiliation.

Sorry about all that.

It's fine.

Dinner's not for a few hours.

(GRUNTS)

Ollie Dabbous saw my Instagram

and has invited me
to his pop-up

and then dinner's
not till eight.

Oh, no.

I'd love it if you came.

You-- you go, darling.

They're so much fun,
so it would be fun, not work.

I-- I think--

I think I'm gonna just,
you know...

...catch up with a golf score
that I don't really care about.

(INDISTINCT COMMENTARY)

Look, go be fanned, have fun.
I'll see you at dinner.

(COMMENTARY CONTINUES ON TV)

Okay. Back by dinner.

(SIGHS)

(BAD LOVE BY DEHD PLAYS)

Ah...

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Oh...

(CHUCKLES)

♪ I got a heart full of
Re-re-redemption ♪

CHEF: Okay.
We won't be kissing later today.

(LAUGHS)

♪ Run baby run ♪

♪ Run from the bad love ♪

That's just too pretty.

♪ Come on, honey
Give me some ♪

Oh...

♪ Run from the bad love ♪

Oh, oh, oh. That's amazing.

(INDISTINCT COMMENTARY ON TV)

(INHALES)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You built some
lovely fucking buildings.

Good for you.

Boop!

(COMMENTARY CONTINUES ON TV)

(SIGHS)

(COMMENTARY CONTINUES)

COMMENTATOR: Not a whole lot
going on here today.

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER AND CHEERS)

Thank you!

♪ Yeah, now
Run, baby, run ♪

♪ Run from the bad love ♪

(DISTANT SIRENS)

-(SLURRING) Thank you.
-DRIVER: All right, lady.

(DOOR OPENS)

Theo!

Theony.

Theodorus. Theo.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hey.

Life throws some hits.

People go down.

Some get up and some don't,
and that's when you suddenly go,

"Oh, shit. I got one of the ones
that don't get up."

No, I do get up
for our children.

In the middle of the night
and in the morning--

Oh, don't be
a little bitch about it.

It was just a comment.

I'm gonna be sick.

(GROANS AND RETCHES)

-(RETCHING AND COUGHING)
-(SIGHS)

Beautiful.

(GROANS AND SIGHS)

Anyway... I don't wanna
make a deal of it.

But I am fucking done

having it running
in the back of our lives.

You failed, so either get
over it or get on top of it.

(SMACKS) Okay, will do.

Just gonna lie down here.

Yeah, you do that.

I'll try to resist
dropping something heavy on you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOOR SLAMS)

Fuck-headed idiot, Ivy.

Just go and apologize.

(SNIFFLES)

Drunken idiot.

Jesus.

(INHALES AND SIGHS)

(INHALES SLOWLY)

I mean, it's a lot of pressure
and slightly unrealistic

to expect a person to perfectly
articulate their thoughts

in a measured way
in a long marriage.

Is... Is that a "sorry"?

Yes, and also
a philosophical musing.

I'm sorry, I don't want
to talk anymore.

Seems mature.

(SIGHS)

(WAVES RUMBLING)

Do these kids have
any actual clothes?

(DISTANT BIRDS CHIRPING)

I love these.

Dream house.

Thank you.

Maybe we should switch back.

We always intended to.

You know, I--
I'll go back to work,

and you can go back
to what you always love doing,

cooking for eleven people
in an evening

and smoking joints by the sea.

Can you get a job?

Whoa.

I mean that in a neutral
information-seeking way.

Well, I'd have to start
at the bottom again, I guess.

You know?

Can't bear the thought of it,
but I will, I must,

because that is
what I was meant to do.

By the way,
I met someone in New York

who wants to become
an equity partner

and open more restaurants
like David Chang.

Uh... Yeah.

So, you--
you don't want to swap back.

As a feminist, I can't.

And as someone
who loves their job

and is addicted to public
adoration, I can't. (LAUGHS)

Right. So I need this,
and you need that.

Mm-hmm.

So someone has
to sacrifice themselves

on the altar
of the marriage, but...

...who's it gonna be?

Uh...

Unless--

Oh, my God, did you
love that pregnant pause?

I wasn't sure if you were gonna
give in. Were you gonna give in?

-I--
-Well, no, best not to answer.

So, I've seen something
which I think might help us.

Come on.

(BIRDS TWEETING)

-Nearly there.
-Okay.

Okay.

-Okay, stop there.
-Okay.

Okay, look.

(SEAGULL SQUAWKING)

Wow.

I want you to build us
the most amazing house ever.

Here? Now?

Uh...

What about my ego death
and my shitty job?

And slowly working back
and having my redemption?

What about showing the world
you're a genius?

And you that I'm not a failure.

You were born to build things.

(EXHALES)

Can we afford this?

If I do my expansion, we can.

Ivy, this is...

(MY FUN
BY SUKI WATERHOUSE PLAYS)

Go on, say it
I think I've earned it.

Wow!

♪ God, you're so pretty
I fell to the floor ♪

♪ You helped me back up
And kissed my lips sore ♪

♪ Pack up your bags
And head out the door ♪

♪ Never felt
So damn turned on before ♪

♪ Everyone said
I'm too crazy to keep ♪

♪ But you're the one
Who sweeps me off of my feet ♪

♪ Babe, you give me honey
That keeps me sweet ♪

♪ Lately I've been thinking
You're the one for me ♪

♪ 'Cause you love me ♪

And we should be able
to see the sea all the time.

Of course.

♪ 'Cause you love me ♪

♪ Like I love my fun ♪

One, two, three, four.

One, two...

-THEO: Keep it going!
-...three, four.

BOTH: Oh, ho, ho, ho.

-Theo!
-Oh!

Oh, wow.

-I-- Yes!
-Oh, this is gonna be amazing.

(LAUGHTER)

It's pretty beautiful,
isn't it?

Are you kidding me?

(SIGHS)
Ivy gave you your balls back.

It does feel
like a second chance.

-Yeah.
-You know, when I was 29,

I was diagnosed
with an autoimmune disorder.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

It was awful.
I-- I lost my mind.

I was acting out sexually,
it was...

Babe, we've talked about this.

Chronic yeast infections are not
an autoimmune disorder.

Well, it still stung, Barr.

The point is, Theo, this is it.

You're gonna reset everything,

nail it, and live
happily ever after.

Just wanna make something
worthy of Ivy, you know,

so she knows that I wasn't
a massive fucking mistake.

-Right.
-That's so sweet.

-(GROANS)
-Let me give you a hug.

Come here.
(LAUGHS) You sweet thing.

-Someone needs a hug.
-Oh, thank you.

-(MOANS)
-Uh...

Yes, this-- Things seem to be
deviating from hug territory.

We're opening the marriage.

-(MOANS)
-Hey!

That's still under negotiation,
knucklehead.

-(MOANS)
-Babe?

-(MOANS)
-Babe?

Babe.

I'm just at the house.
When do we open Chicago again?

JANE: You have
a call with them at 4:00.

Also, I'm sending you
this week's house bills,

and if I may provide
personal commentary...

Fuck, man.
You have to rein him in.

But I want him to have his shot.
I mean--

(CELL PHONE DINGS AND VIBRATES)

-Oh, fuck!
-JANE: Exactly.

Twenty-eight grand
for Irish moss, Theo?

Yeah, it's for
the west side roof.

Does America not have moss?

Well, the green of the Irish
moss is something to behold.

Look, the green it takes
to pay for the Irish moss

is also something to behold.

We need it.
It is integral for the vision.

Do you understand that
we do not have unlimited money?

(GASPS)

Did I show you the tree
enclosed in a glass case

off the kitchen idea?

(SCOFFS)

That's mean.

Oh, my God.

Wanker!

Ivy, um...

which of these
three tiles do you--

do you like the look of?

They're to go behind the, um--
the wood burner, so...

I love it.

But there are three of them.
Which "it"?

-Yeah, I'll send them now.
-There are three "its"--

-You didn't even look at them.
-(CELL PHONE DINGS)

-What?
-And I'm trying to talk to you,

-and you're picking up the ph--
-Hi.

Yeah, I just told Flora,
budget figures are in.

Oh, budget figures, yeah.
While you're

-on budgetary figures...
-Call you back.

...please will you add in
that I bought us a table

from a 15th-century
Spanish monastery?

It actually has
a dagger embedded in it

from the Spanish Inquisition.

It's pricey, but I think
it's essential.

You'll like the look of--

Ivy!

(BOTH GRUNT)

(THEO PANTING)

Just checking.

Jesus Christ, Ivy.

You are a fucking
child sometimes.

Mom? Dad?

Do we have any milk?

Yes, darling.

-Of course we have milk.
-Yeah. Of course, darling. Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

And a one, and a two,
and a three, four.

IVY: Hello!

ROY: Mom?

I'm coming too.

Okay. Great.

Mom, we're doing 2k interval
wind sprints.

Oh.

Also, news.

I had my first period yesterday.

Oh, my darling.
Were you all right?

I was in a white bathing suit
at a pool party.

It was mortifying.

People stared, I cried.

Aw. Why didn't you call me?

I called Dad. He was the best.

(SMACKS) Aw.

Oh, the best.

How did you know what to do?

Oh, intuitive parenting.

He Googled it.

All right, you two. And, go!

(FOOTSTEPS GROWING DISTANT)

Can't believe that
about her period.

Yeah, it was intense.

She was a wreck, poor thing.

Oh. Wish I'd been there.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
But you never are, are you?

Shut your stupid, stupid mouth.

HATTIE: Dad!

ROY: You coming?

Yup.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

-Hey, Mom.
-Hello, darling.

You look beautiful.

-Glowing.
-Sweat.

-What were you doing?
-Free-climbing fences

to build my lat muscles
and general focus.

Cool.

You avoiding Dad?

No, of course not.
I'm just having a little moment.

You two need help.

(SCOFFS) Ridiculous.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hattie, it's time
for your protein blast.

Don't tell him I'm--
Don't tell him I'm here.

Mom's down here.

Traitor.

Sorry.

I still love you, though.

Love you, too.

Do you ever feel like
we're trapped in something?

That we've created
this overly complicated,

endlessly whirring machine
that we can't get out of?

What if we just dropped it all,
got a van,

and drove around South America?

Yeah, well, you'd have
a hard time convincing them.

They're aiming
for those scholarships in Miami.

But that's what I mean.

They're 13, and suddenly
they want to leave home.

They were six
last time I looked.

Look, you're just tired.

We're in the hard bit.

Well, good, 'cause
if this is the easy bit,

smother me with a pillow.

Will do.

Said a little too quickly
for my liking.

IVY: ...complete deadshit.
A victim. A loser. A wanker.

Number ten. "Theo. What a cunt."

(SNORTS AND LAUGHS)

THERAPIST: That wasn't the task.

-(WHEEZING LAUGHTER)
-I see so much resentment,

self-righteousness, mockery,
an inability to admit wrongs.

I don't think you have the
capacity to fix your problems.

Are you actually
allowed to say that?

That seems unprofessional.

Yes. Like malpractice.

What? No, uh-- Uh...

We'll be expecting
a hefty discount.

Mm-hm.

-Time's up.
-Oh. Really?

Uh, well, that was--
that was fun while it lasted.

That was so much fun.

I do still expect my parking
to be validated.

(IVY LAUGHS)

-Wow. Outrageous.
-Absolute fraud.

-Your list was best, by the way.
-Thank you, darling.

Yours was second-best.

We could be nicer.

I could be.

Me too.

Let's try.

Dad! We got in!

Miami! We both got in!

-We got our scholarships!
-Yes!

My little genii. Yes. Yes!

Let's have some pancakes
to celebrate. We did it.

BOTH: The work goes on.

-Yes.
-(LAUGHTER)

(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT)

IVY: Miss you already.

Bring it in, champ.

-Bye.
-Bye, darling.

Love you.

We'll call you guys
when we get there.

Yes, please do.

-Okay.
-Yes, please.

Now, don't forget to do that
stretching regime I told you

after you get off the plane,
please?

-Bye.
-Bye.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-Love you. Love you.
-Bye.

-I love you.
-Love you.

Bye.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Well, thank God they've gone.
(CHUCKLES)

Theo, I'm joking.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

Oh, it's Hattie. Yes?

HATTIE: I forgot,
can you, um, walk me

through the nutrition
thing again?

Yes. Yes, nutrition,
yes, of course.

Um, well, you know,

it's a little bit like
being a rabbit

at a Las Vegas buffet.

You want to be hitting the
salad bar first, yes? Correct?

Yes and then--

So, think like a rabbit, eat
lots of vegetables, and then...

So, you gotta be very careful
about your blood sugar spikes.

So, you can have your protein
and then you can have your carbs

like a cross-country trucker.

Yeah, Jane,
let's open another restaurant.

(LOVE HURTS BY SUSANNA HOFFS
AND ERIC JOHNSON PLAYS)

♪ ♪

♪ Love hurts ♪

♪ Love scars ♪

Light the fire, please, Hal.

And turn up the music
five percent.

♪ Any heart ♪

♪ Not tough ♪

Oh, that looks great.
You want champagne?

No, thank you, I've been
making out with my negroni.

Think I'll stick to that.

HAL: Car approaches.
Silver Audi. Two guests.

Still freaky how he does that.

Thanks, Hal.

Hal, do you want a negroni?

HAL:
I don't have wants or needs.

Marry me.

Funny.

(AIULADO BY BABA SISSOKO PLAYS)

(ALL WOWING)

I mean, wow.

The green moss on the roof,

the blue thrust of the house
meeting the raw ocean.

I mean, I love
how the living area provides

this kind of gravitational
center of the ensemble.

You guys are saying words,

but you know they don't
mean anything, right?

You got a shot at your vision,
Theo, and you nailed it.

I never thought
watching a white man

reclaim his power
could be so moving.

(AIULADO CONTINUES, MUFFLED)

(MANDOLINE CLACKING)

How are you?

(CHUCKLES)
So great.

The house is just--

It's-- It's so beautiful.

He's a fucking genius.

Oh!

Why is this stove old
and kinda crappy?

It's not.

It's Julia Child's original
stove from France.

I bought it at auction.

-AMY: Stop it.
-I know.

(STOVETOP CLICKING)

It's a fragile beauty.

Wow. That is incredible.

-Julia Child.
-Yeah.

-She's dead, right?
-Mmm.

And what, was kind of mean?

No. You should probably go
and join the others,

'cause I'm shaving fennel,

and it takes a high degree
of concentration

not to just shred my wrists
into the salad.

Mm.

Oh.

Don't you ever
just wanna let go?

Well, that's why
the English invented

repressing one's feelings.

You're so dry.

Only when my husband looks
at me. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

-There you go again.
-Oh, yeah.

Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.

(BLOWS AIR)

Oh.

(WHOOSHES SEDUCTIVELY)

Love you, baby girl.

This would be a cool place
to suicide from.

So pretty.

RORY: I'm going back inside.

I wanna see how
the wall asserts itself

with such clarity
into the space.

SALLY: I wanna see that too.

Well, my friend, you have made
what I like to call

a very adequate house.

-I am flattered.
-Sorry to gush.

The fact that you'll now be sad

every time you walk
into your own home

-is enough for me. (CHUCKLES)
-Oh...

That was the case
long before you built this.

Speaking of, how's married life?

Uh, it's-- Um, it's fine.

Wow, that bad, huh?

I was hoping the house
would be healing

-in its quietly adequate way.
-Yeah.

How old is that
fucking stove, Theo?

Just ignore the fucking stove.

Seems a little
passive aggressive, no?

All this beauty, she gets

that bitch Julia Child's
stove in there?

No, sometimes a stove
is just a stove.

The stove sounds bad, The.

It-- it's fine.

Hey, baby,
can you get me a negroni?

You already have a negroni.

That's why God
gave me two hands.

I thought it was so you could
give me a hand job

while enjoying a negroni.

-Oh. (LAUGHS)
-Obviously, I'm joking.

She's sickened by the sight
of my naked body.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Fucking adore you.

Barr. (LAUGHS)

Oh.

These people.

Wait...

-Okay, please say it again.
-(CLEARS THROAT)

Every morning, he'd order
a tumbler of whiskey

and four kippers
and be beastly to the staff.

Oh, my God, I love it.

Is kipper a kind of sex act?

If you're a Tory MP, absolutely.

But I don't know
what that means.

Who cares, Sal?
It just sounds so good. (LAUGHS)

All this time, I'm still
falling for that little accent.

It does something to my...

Cunt?

Sorry, were you not
gonna say cunt?

My mistake. Anyway, uh...

Dinner! Let's eat.

Another negroni?

No, thanks, darling.
I've got one.

Was my point.

Too subtle for someone
who's had four negronis.

(SIGHS)

RORY: Can I point out
the gorgeous

wooden elephant
in the room?

(SCOFFS) I love this table.
I mean, come on.

Ah. Yes. 15th century
from a Spanish monastery.

Apparently, that dagger was used
in the Spanish Inquisition.

BARRY: How cool is that?

This was likely covered
in a tortured heretic's blood?

(INHALES) Do you just
wake up beaming, Ivy?

-I really do.
-We are very lucky.

So much to be grateful for.

Here's to this amazing house
and to you, my darling.

-No, to you.
-No, to you.

-No. To you.
-Ah.

You guys are so cute.

Like a sack of kittens.

-Near a rushing river.
-(SALLY CHUCKLES)

I don't get that.

Thank you, Ivy,
for making all of this possible.

He sounds sarcastic,
but he does actually mean it.

Yeah, it's just the accent.

The accent is confusing.

Sometimes Ivy's mad at me,
and I can't even tell.

(SCATTERED CHUCKLES)

Sometimes he's got his cock
in me, and I can't even tell.

-(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
-Oh.

(CHUCKLES)

(ALL LAUGH)

All right, now the dinner
is getting fun.

So, Ives, you want me
to, what,

do a shot of this
with the scallop?

Yeah, it's, um, Japanese vodka
infused with tarragon,

so adds a bit of bitterness.

Ivy likes to leave
a little bit of herself

in everything she does.

I love this fun banter
you guys do.

We should try it,
Sally, come on.

SALLY: (CHUCKLES DRYLY)
Okay.

Why don't you try
not fucking me in the ass

while you choke me
sometimes, shitbird?

(LIGHT CHUCKLE)

SALLY: Your turn.

Whore. (SCOFFS)

-Mmm!
-That kinda thing?

(LAUGHS)
That is so cool.

-(SCATTERED CHUCKLES)
-Is that what you guys

are doing, right?

I'm not the expert. Ivy?

See, this is why
I don't have friends.

You know, you gotta get

Architectural Digest
up here, right?

Thank you, Sally, I'm just--

I'm not so sure
I'm into public approbation.

(SNORTS)

Anymore.

(COUGHS)

Sure.

The kids have been gone
for a while now, huh?

How-- How has that been?

Hard? Brutal? Liberating?

Your kids
are college-age already?

THEO: Oh, no, no, no.

They just happen
to be very gifted physically,

and they won these scholarships
to this school in Miami

for high performance athletes.

-At 13.
-AMY: Wow.

-RORY: Amazing.
-Yeah. It's their dream.

Is it?

(SIGHS)

I think I know how you feel,

because when we
hired that surrogate,

and she got pregnant, and then
she ate sushi from an airport,

-and we had to let her go.
-Here we go.

It was very dark.
I got shingles.

I got monkey pox.
Oh, the grief I felt. (SCOFFS)

Yeah-- I--
It's still pretty raw for me.

I hear you, baby girl.

So is that nine restaurants
you guys have now?

We are an empire.

JANE: And she won
the James Beard Award...

-JEFFREY: Yass.
-...which is like a food Oscar.

-It's all true.
-RORY: I'm aware of the Beard.

We've been lucky.
We found a niche in the market.

Upscale, but not intimidating.

So, it sort of hits a range
of demographics.

We want to move into the South.

Like Sherman's march
with lobster bibs.

Sorry, darling, was the
attention off you for a minute?

Did you start to wilt?

THEO: I think the guests
are wilting, my darling,

due to the droning nature
of your caustic narcissism.

(LAUGHS) They're doing it again,
and I love it.

Hey, fuck-stick bitch,
fill my glass

the way you can't fill my pussy
with your tiny dick.

Whoa.

All right,
that doesn't seem like banter.

That just seems mean to me.

Cry like a baby like you did
when our dog died, dickhead.

What the fuck?

I am an empath, and I'm having
a hard time at this table.

(WAVES CRASHING IN DISTANCE)

Can you not?
Amy's allergic to weed.

I'm allergic to Amy, literally.

Rash on my finger.

Funny.
Can we just be nice, please?

You're drunk,
and you're being a...

if I had to define it
in one word, a bit of a bitch.

Of course, darling.

We've done something
amazing here.

Let's celebrate it.

AMY: Any dessert?
IVY: Hal, play Napalm Death.

(HEAVY METAL BLASTING)

BARRY: Ivy, it's a little loud.

-(COUGHS)
-(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(APPLAUSE)

-Wow.
-Wow.

(MUSIC CONTINUES BLASTING)

It's the house.

-SALLY: Oh my God.
-RORY: What's going on?

-For you. For you. For you.
-(SALLY SHRIEKING)

Baby girl, double helping.

-(MUSIC STOPS)
-(BARRY GASPS)

(SIGHS)

I'm gonna leave some long pauses
in the conversation,

for you to insert an apology.

For what, darling?

You embarrassed yourself.

Sorry you feel that way.
I did it for you, darling.

You were an appalling,
needy bore,

and I created a diversion lest
they should think ill of you.

I shall insert some pauses
for you to thank me.

You just can't say sorry,
can you?

Well, I did. I said,
"I'm sorry you feel that way."

That's not sorry.

Well, the sentence literally
contains the word, "sorry."

You can't say sorry
with feeling,

with acknowledgment
for pain caused or damage done.

Jesus, I'm not fucking
Ian McKellen.

(IN DEEP VOICE) I'm so sorry.
My deepest regrets, sir.

Yeah, well, I'm touched.

Did you try the cake?

Jesus, Theo, it's no big deal.
I got drunk at dinner.

You stole my fucking children
from me, and now they're gone.

You expect me
to be happy about it?

I did not steal our children.

But I did bring them up.

You taught them
how to be sweaty robots.

They can only talk about reps
or sodium levels or some shit,

and now they've gone.

Yeah, well, you should've
thought about that

when you were off to work

building your fucking empire,
i.e. a shrine to yourself.

I did that to pay for this,
your shrine to yourself.

It was meant to be ours,
but became yours.

That is bullshit

because I was prepared
to work my way up again,

but you bribed me

with this house
to serve the Ivy show.

And you can't even see
what I did for the children.

The doctor's appointments,

the dentist's appointments,
the dermatologist.

Who went to the dermatologist?

Fuck! Seriously?

Yeah, no, I--
I remember the thing.

The thing. What thing?
Whose thing?

The thing. The thing
that was skin-related that...

Whose? Who had it, Ivy?

I mean,
there's just two of them.

You've got a 50-50 chance.

-Roy!
-THEO: (IMITATES BUZZER)

I'm afraid you're
out of the game, madam.

Hattie, cracked and bleeding
eczema on her toes.

Yes, I--

THEO: What is happening?

Have you lost your footing
on the cliff of resentment

as you realize
there is no factual basis to it?

I would have loved
to have been

the one that did that,
is my point.

(EXHALES)

You know why I can't say sorry?

Enlighten me.

IVY: Because
you need it too much.

You need sorry,
and praise, and attention,

and blowjobs,
and Italian furniture,

and Irish fucking moss
on the fucking roof!

You are a bottomless pit
of need!

(EXHALES)

Yeah, well, you're right.

I am?

Yeah.

What do you mean, I'm right?

I do need connection

and an exchange of intimacy

and the flawed nature
of who I am validated

as I journey
through this life hoping

that one person might see me,
love me, and hold me.

(EXHALES)

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Oh, I see.

You're the wise philosopher,
and I'm the bitch.

Exactly. And I'm out.

The victor.

Theo, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sad,
it just hollows me out.

I feel like I've missed
half their lives.

And I don't know what
to do without them.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)

I just-- I think I just want you
to give me a hug

or something pathetic like that.

Morning.

Think I might just go for a run.

(CLATTERS)

(PANTING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(PANTING)

Shit.

You-- You're in
the wrong place, buddy.

(PANTING)

Are you dead?

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

Wait there.

Stop. Will you stop, please?

Please, please,
stop, stop, stop.

Stop!

(BRAKES SCREECH)

Good run?

Yeah.

Yeah, fine.

(SMACKS)
Just gonna shower.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

IVY: Hey, Jane.

He did what?

(BIRDS CALLING)

You saved a whale?

I wasn't alone.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You're angry
because you hate whales?

You didn't tell me.

-No.
-Why not?

You looked busy.

Oh, don't play that card.
I asked you how was your run,

and you said, "Fine,"
not, "Fine, I saved a whale."

I--

Just tell me
why you didn't tell me.

Didn't want you to ruin it.

How would I ruin it?

Because you don't take anything
seriously, and it was serious.

And actually quite spiritual.

Try me.
I can be deeply spiritual.

I masturbate
to Deepak Chopra meditations.

-Think you proved my point.
-Oh, please.

I know I can be
a bit of an arse,

but give me a chance.

(SIGHS)

Well... (SIGHS)

I had my hands
on this beautiful creature,

and it was like
we were communicating.

As I was standing in the water
with the whale,

surrounded
by these people, and...

It just felt like
everything was one.

Us, the whale, the sea.

And something happened...

...deep in our core.

And it was beautiful.

And then I was still
standing there,

waist-deep in the water,
watching him swim away.

-(LIGHT CHEERING)
-(WHALE SPOUTS)

And...

I started crying,
just because it was...

(LAUGHTER AND CHATTER)

I just...

was happy.

You cried? That's beautiful.

And then this question
rose up inside me. (CRIES)

What was it? This is amazing.

This is so you.
It's like the old you.

It was, "You only have one life.

So why the fuck
are you with Ivy?"

Jesus.

I don't mean to be mean.

I've been trying
to push it away,

'cause I don't wanna
ask the question,

but I know the answer.

I have to go.

To somewhere
where you're not talking.

We're done, Ivy.

I fucking say when we're done!

Fuck you and your suicidal
attention-seeking whale friend!

I'm being serious. We are done.

Look at us.

Fine. We're done. But we're done
because I decided it!

Not you.

(SIGHS)

(SNIFFS)

(EXHALES)

You are--
You are a good lawyer, right?

Yeah. I mean,
mostly real estate,

but divorce is mostly
about real estate.

What, so you--
you've never done this?

Not exactly, but they're
pretty much all the same. Relax.

(BOTH SIGH)

-It's a sad day, man.
-Yeah.

How do you and Amy make it work?

I don't know. Inertia.

What? I thought
you guys were good.

No, we are. We're good.

It's like, when we were young,

it was like I knew
what she was gonna say

before she even said it.

Uh-huh.

And now, sometimes
I don't know what she said

even after she says it.

Right.

But, you know, I love her.

So, there's that.
(LAUGHS)

All right. Let's win this thing.

Yes.

(ELEVATOR DINGING)

Don't talk.

(DOOR CLOSES)

-Bruno, sit.
-Sorry, what is happening?

Eleanor, you cannot
bring in the dog.

It's my emotional
support animal.

-It's a dangerous dog.
-(BARKS)

Only when it feels
I'm threatened.

It's a bullshit tactic,
and you know it.

Isn't this a bit
of a weird cliché?

You know, the ferocious
divorce lawyer thing.

Yeah, but just...

Ivy, is this him?

Yeah, this is him.
My name's Theo.

Well, this is a personal aside,

but the fact she ever
let you fuck her

should be enough for her
to claim every dollar.

-Wow.
-Jesus.

Okay, let me lay it out before
this putz bores me to death.

She has been living
and supporting

this bottom-feeding
piece of shit,

carrying his endless
fucking failures

and needy, "Mummy help me"
anguish for 15 years.

So just agree
you'll fuck off now,

we'll never see you again,
and she'll throw you

a hundred grand.

BARRY: Okay. Uh...

My thoughts, how about we take
25% of the restaurants

and the house,
and we'll be good?

Okay, look,
I just want the house.

-Don't talk.
-You're not having the house.

Don't talk. Okay,
well that seems

like in our ballpark, so let's--

Okay, wait, my client
designed and built

that award-winning
fucking house,

that your sociopathic whore hole
of a client now claims as hers.

-Barry!
-Barry! Whore hole?

What? I thought the lawyers
were being mean.

Isn't that-- No?

It's part of the theater.

Please don't talk,
it's very undermining.

Let's be a little bit
more British about this.

Polite, courteous, rational.

Yeah, 'cause it's not like
it's in our blood

to pillage, murder,
and enslave

other cultures
to get what we want.

-Don't talk.
-Don't talk.

Okay, we want everything.
The end.

That's not negotiating.

No, it's winning.

Hundred grand,
and he walks out of here

with his face still attached.

-Right, Bruno?
-(BARKS)

(WHISPERS) You can't have
the house, Ivy.

I designed it. I built it.

It's all I want. You can have
everything. Everything else.

I take the house. We walk
out of here, firm handshake,

-and get on with our lives.
-We'll take it.

-No.
-No?

You want the divorce,
I want the house.

(SIGHS)

We are winning here.

You get the company,
buy a new house.

No.

I can hear what they're saying.

Okay, we get the house, too.
The end.

-No! No deal.
-(BARKS)

Bruno, sit and shut up.

(CLEARS THROAT)

So, what? We're nowhere.

Looks like it.

Barry, are you and Amy going
to the Harvest Moon Festival?

Oh, yeah, Amy loves it.

I do, too.

It's a little bit too much
tribal drumming for me

'cause I have tinnitus,
but we'll be there.

Good.

Sorry, can we please
focus on us?

Oh.

All right. Fine. Yes.

But I'm speaking
as your friend now.

Maybe rethink this, guys.

I mean...

I know a lot has gone down,
but you're great.

And you're great together.

I mean, sure,
some days it feels horrible,

and you want
to skin each other alive,

but some days it doesn't, right?

It's nice to have someone.

And my advice would be...

try to focus on those days,

nod when you wanna
shake your head,

and just say, "What the fuck?"

And always think of other people
when you have sex.

That's standard.

(WHISPERS) You can make it.

Well, that was
just lovely, Barry.

We're still getting
the fucking house.

Let's go, Ivy.

She's really good...

...at law.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I will pick you apart until
you beg me to take this house.

Well, I can endure a lot
of misery. That's proven.

You have no idea how nice
I've been to you, mister.

I'm getting the house, Ivy.

I designed it, and I built it.

And I paid for it.

(EXHALES)

(EXHALES)

-What are you burning?
-Your cookbooks.

Ooh, this is a 1907
first edition of Escoffier,

French wanker cookbook.

This one I've covered in brandy,

so I think
the correct term is, "flambé."

-(GASPS)
-(PHONE RING TONE ON SPEAKER)

HAL: Incoming call
from Hattie and Roy.

-Have you told them?
-I didn't have the heart.

Me neither.

-Answer.
-(SPEAKER DINGS)

ROY: Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi!

Hey. We hear
you're getting divorced.

How?

Barry's Instagram.

We're so happy for you.

-You...
-What?

We've dreamed about this.

HATTIE: We just want to say
we admire your courage

to release each other from
the nightmarish death spiral

that you've been in
for the past decade.

Ah. Gotta run. Literally. 32k.

-Love you! Bye!
-Talk to you.

(DING)

THEO: What is that?

Oh. I'm burning your green moss.

Lovely color smoke.

You wouldn't get that
from American moss.

Mm. (SCREAMS)

Hey, Hal. Play polka at full
volume on loop in room 14.

No Ivy override.

( WHO STOLE THE KEESHKA?
BY FRANKIE YANKOVIC PLAYS)

(SCREAMS)
Hal! Turn it off!

-Lock door of room 14.
-Hal! Turn it off!

-For five hours.
-Theo!

You asshole! Theo!

-Turn volume down, Hal.
-IVY: Oh, my God!

Ivy, here's an agreement
giving me the house.

-Please sign it.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)

Full volume please, Hal.
Sorry, darling. Can't hear you.

I'm going to do a shit
on your pillow!

Fuck you!

-Amy?
-Hi. You okay?

Um...

Barry was worried you guys were
trying to destroy each other.

(SIGHS) Only if necessary.

I'm hoping she'll see reason
when her ears start bleeding.

(POLKA CONTINUES, MUFFLED)

Gotta check your energy.

Excuse me.
-Mm-hmm.

Sorry.

Oh. That's very dark, Theo.
Very dark.

I need it, Amy.
I am getting the house.

But what's a house compared
to the house that is our bodies?

Maybe you gotta drive to Mexico
with a friend.

And we take peyote.
We drink tequila.

And we rub and we rub.

And then we get taco after taco
after taco.

Muy caliente.

Okay. Thank you for the kind
offer, if confused metaphor,

but I am not leaving my house.

(SNIFFS)

Would you really just
up and leave Barry?

Leave Barry? What? (LAUGHS)
No, no, no.

I'm looking for one night
of strange, okay?

So that I can forget
that I'm 40-whatever

and my face is melting off.

And my organs
are probably brewing up

a Stage 4 somethin'
as we speak.

But, I know who I want
driving me to chemo

and that's my big, dumb,
stupid husband, Barry.

(POLKA CONTINUES)

Anyway, call me
when you get rational.

-(INHALES)
-(DOOR CLOSES)

♪ Who stole the keeshka?
Who stole the keeshka? ♪

♪ Who stole the keeshka?
Won't you bring it back? ♪

(SIGHS)

THEO, IMITATING IVY:
Hal, it's Ivy.

Yes, Ivy.

(IMITATING IVY) Can you
open my calendar, please?

JANE: Oh, fuck.

All our fish orders
are cancelled

for the entire chain
across the country?

My diary's blank.

-JANE: For today?
-IVY: Every day.

Um, why have we ordered

2 tons of Cheez Whiz
and 4 tons of marshmallow?

-Fucker.
-JEFFREY: It's exciting.

Whatever it is.
You mad genius.

Ow!

Oh, good. You're awake.

Look I've been
teaching myself AI.

It's you.

Let me tell you a funny,
funny secret. Shh.

I deliberately fucked
the building up. (CHUCKLES)

Yep. I engineered it to come
apart, like fucking Lego.

People have
to learn nothing's solid.

-Apart from this rock.
-(BURNING)

Is-- Is that a crack pipe?

(SIGHS) It's called deepfake.
Isn't it fun?

Also, the end
of Western civilization.

Ivy, what are you doing with...
Is that my--

Your phone? Yeah, well feared.

I'm going to send this to
all of your clients captioned,

"Smoke the truth, bitches."

Unless you sign
the house over to me now.

-Funny. You--
-Ooh!

-Too slow! (CHUCKLES)
-(MAIL WHOOSHES)

Oh, fuck.

You look cute when beaten.

Hey, how you doing?
Eat more food.

Hi. Thank you so much.
So nice to see you.

(CELL PHONE DINGS)

Hi, Ivy.

Every winter,
I get this wart
between my toes.

It's fucking brilliant when
grated into your ragu.

Add in the simple mushroom.
Shroomy-shroom-shroom-shrooms!

Sign the fucking papers, Ivy,
or it will never end.

Jesus, no!

THEO: And the mole.
Well, it's brown.

-Mole is go.
-No! No go. Mole is no go.

-What are you doing?
-Who's had the mushrooms?

Everybody.

(SLOW MOTION GROANING)

No, no! Absolutely not.
Don't eat it.

No, don't. Give me those!

No, sorry.
(SHRIEKS) Don't eat that!

No, no, no, no.

Put your clothes back on!

(SLOWED DOWN)

Stop being gross!

Don't fucking eat it!

Not working?

Restaurant closed
by health order, so night off.

Shame.

You?

-Got fired by all my clients.
-Sweet.

That looks great.

Stinging nettle risotto

just like the one we had
in that little place in Italy.

Here.

-Mm. Stunning.
-That?

Black forest from Dennings.
Yes, you may.

Let me design you
an amazing house

many, many thousands
of miles from here,

and then you give me the deed
for this house.

We can even have nostalgic
one-time goodbye sex.

Then admit we had a good run
and then went into a ditch,

which disfigured us
and killed our love.

But that now, we're going
into a new phase.

A happier life.

What's in that? Is this, um...

Raspberries?
Yes. I laced them in.

But the taste of cherries
masks it well,

but then again, you do have
a famously brilliant palate.

Oh, shit. You're allergic,
aren't you?

Oh, don't panic.
It's all in hand, my darling.

Here is the epinephrine that's
the solution to your problem.

What are you...

And here is
a fresh new contract,

signing the house over to me.

You prick. I can't believe...

We really do need to be apart.
This is unbearable.

It's simple.
Sign that. I stab you with this.

-We move on with our lives.
-Never.

I really do think it is
the best solution for us.

If you die,
I inherit the house anyway.

So, either way, it's a elegant
win-win situation for me.

(SIGHS) Ivy. Christ.
Just sign the paper.

(CHOKING)

Don't be crazy. Just sign it!

Thank Christ.

(GASPS, INHALES)

-(THEO SIGHS)
-(GASPING)

(EXHALES)

You would've let me die.

No. I knew you'd sign it.

And I thank you.

-Who?
-What?

Thank who?

THEO: Zendaya?

(SIGHS)

(PANTING SOFTLY)

You know I was never
gonna let you die, Ivy. I--

If you're looking
for the white flags,

I think they're
in the dressing room.

(CLICKS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Starting to think

that things are getting
a little out of hand.

-Oh, you think?
-Just an instinct.

Put the gun away, Ivy.

You need to leave, Theo.

Or what? You'll shoot me?

Well, not if you leave.

I'm pretty sure
we never loaded it anyway--

(GUNSHOT)

-Pretty sure we did.
-Jesus! Ivy!

-Leave, Theo!
-What have you become?

I mean, just look at yourself!

IVY: Don't you think I know?

Trying to love you
has made me bent and distorted

because you're a fucking
impossible person!

Of course, you have a gun

because you are
fucking reckless, Ivy!

That's what's killed us.
Your selfishness.

Endless late night drinking
with the waiters.

Fucking millions of choices
that weren't us!

(GASPS) Oh!
When I should've been here

watching you masturbate
over French tiles

while burnishing your self image

by rebuilding our children
and this fucking house!

-(GUNSHOT)
-(GASPS)

You abandoned me.
I had to have something!

You never looked at me, Theo.

Some nights I'd wait an hour,
maybe two, thinking,

"Is he gonna look at me? Does he
fucking want to know who I am?"

I knew who you were.

I just didn't fucking care
for it anymore.

I didn't even do that one, but
it felt like appropriate timing.

Ah! Shit!

Remember, this
is a hair trigger.

It's very dangerous!

-I'd leave if I was you, Theo.
-(GRUNTS)

Fuck!
You're just making me madder!

Ivy. We both have said things
we didn't mean.

-I meant them!
-I meant them too!

(CLATTERS)

Oh, my God!
You don't care if I'm dead!

You've got a fucking gun, Ivy!

I've got fruit and utensils.

Yeah, thanks for reminding me!

Julia Child's
fucking ugly stove!

Not the stove!
Not that! No! Not that!

Drop the gun!

Okay! Are you fucking crazy?

Hal, lights off.

-(GUNSHOT)
-(ITEMS SHATTER)

(GRUNTS)

-(GUNSHOT)
-IVY: Hal, lights up.

Whoa!

-(GUNSHOT)
-(SHATTERS)

Oh!

I hit it! I hit it!
I aimed and I hit it!

(PANTING)
Ivy. You're being ridiculous.

Just give me the house.
You get the business.

We both get something we love.

I should be
the something you love!

You were.

You were fucking
everything to me.

You stopped.
You're not supposed to stop.

-You stopped.
-You stopped first!

-I never stopped!
-Liar!

-(GRUNTING)
-Slow down!

-THEO: Hal, lock door.
-Hal, unlock door.

-THEO: Hal, lock door.
-Unlock door!

-(HISSES)
-(SCREAMS)

Hal, lock door.

-(EXHALES)
-(PANTING)

Did you mean what you just said,
that you never stopped?

Or just the fact I was chasing
you with a gun, right?

No. No, I meant it.

Why leave me then?

Because you hated me,
and I couldn't bear it.

I didn't.

You didn't seem to be
in enough pain

for what had happened to us.

I was.

I am.

It's just...

It's just hard to show it,
you know?

Difficult to see it.

-Hal, unlock door.
-(LOCK CLICKS)

(PANTING)

Truth is, I doubt
I could live without you anyway.

And I, you.

So, murder suicide pact then?

-(LAUGHS)
-(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) We're so good at words.

And yet we could never find
the ones we needed.

-(GROANS)
-(GRUNTS)

I was careless with you.

You were hurt and I was
so lost in my own pain

that I couldn't get to you.

I was cruel.

I thought we were impregnable,

and you were my person
in the world.

I'm so sorry.

(SIGHS)

Oh, jeez.

Jesus indeed.

(SIGHS)

I mean, we nearly...

(GASPS) I know.
(CHUCKLES QUIETLY)

(GASPS)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

-Fucking hell!
-(LAUGHS)

If you didn't throw
like a winded toddler.

Or you shoot
like a confused mole.

(CHUCKLES)

Brave of you still to appear
like that though.

I wanted to try one last time.

It's terrifying how close
we came to losing each other.

(EXHALES)

(HISSING)

What a day.

(CHUCKLES) What a day.

Lucky us.

-Lucky us.
-(CHUCKLES)

-Always have been.
-Mm.

-Remember when we met?
-Mm.

Good day.

Death do us part.

Death do us part.

(GAS HISSING)

Hal... play our song
and light the fire.

(CLICKING)

( HAPPY TOGETHER
BY HOFFS AND WAINWRIGHT PLAYS)

♪ Imagine me and you ♪

♪ I do ♪

♪ I think about you
Day and night♪

♪ It's only right ♪

♪ To think about
The boy you love♪

♪ And hold him tight♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

♪ If I should call you up♪

♪ Invest a dime♪

♪ And you say
You belong to me♪

♪ And ease my mind♪

♪ Imagine how
The world could be♪

♪ So very fine♪

♪ So happy together♪

♪ I can't see me
Lovin' nobody but you♪

♪ For all my life♪

♪ When you're with me♪

♪ Baby, the skies'll
Be blue♪

♪ For all my life♪

♪ Me and you
And you and me♪

♪ No matter how
They toss the dice♪

♪ It has to be♪

♪ The only one
For me is you♪

♪ And you for me♪

♪ So happy together♪

♪ I can't see me lovin'
Nobody but you♪

♪ For all my life♪

♪ When you're
With me♪

♪ Baby the skies'll
Be blue♪

♪ For all my life♪

♪ Me and you
And you and me♪

♪ No matter how
They toss the dice♪

♪ It has to be♪

♪ The only one
For me is you♪

♪ And you for me♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

(VOCALIZING)

♪ Me and you
And you and me♪

♪ No matter how
They toss the dice♪

♪ It has to be♪

♪ The only one
For me is you♪

♪ And you for me♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

♪ How is
The weather?♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

♪ We're happy
Together♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

♪ Happy together♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

♪ So happy
Together♪

THEO: It's not
gonna fall.

THEO: It's not
gonna fall.

BARRY:
I think it might.

THEO: It's not
gonna fall.

THEO: It's not
gonna fall.

BARRY: Don't
film my friend.

THEO: It's not
gonna fall.

THEO: It's not
gonna fall.

It's not
gonna fall.

That fucking sail!