Original subtitles

You know, anything that drips that much in the morning,

you should call a doctor.

I'm working on a way to speed it up.

For now, this is my one peaceful ritual

besides doomscrolling on the toilet.

And I'm getting really good at making my own.

It's all about the pour.

Yeah, taking forever to accomplish something

and saying, "It's all about the poor".

Sounds like a Democrat to me.

Guess who just got a call from the Game Hunt manager

and officially has a J-O-B?

Ya boi!

Well, I'd love to toast you with my cup of coffee,

but it won't be ready till you're my age.

My first child's first job.

Wow. Seems like only yesterday

I was pulling a pistachio out of your nose.

It was yesterday.

With this job and 25 bucks an hour,

I'm gonna be able to treat Lily like my queen.

Someone grab an umbrella, I'm making it rain!

Wait, 25 bucks an hour? That's more than I make.

Is it? Sweet.

Perfect. Now you can start paying me for doing your homework.

Okay, about that, you're gonna need to cool it

with the big words. All right?

My teacher was not so convinced I knew the word "incredulous".

So, she was incredulous?

No, she wasn't happy at all.

Public schools lose again.

Speaking of, you're gonna be late. Get.

Ha! Wow. My kid makes more money than me.

Ah, can't relate.

Maybe it's time to think about something else, like law school.

Oh, God. Not this again.

I'm just saying, a career move is good,

not just in the dance academy, but law school is always...

It's a way you can get yourself...

I'm just saying...

You have...

You don't have any other...

Stop being a...

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So, I just got off the phone with Matt.

He'll be here in a second, Fluffy.

Ah, thanks, man.

Whew! You guys are artists.

Fun fact, you know who else is an artist?

Uh, my cousin. Yeah.

The city of Los Angeles commissioned him

to paint the 184th Kobe mural.

Wait a minute. It's not the one with Kobe up in heaven

having a picnic with Farrah Fawcett, is it?

The one after that.

Um... Mitch, right?

- No. - Doesn't matter.

Uh, and I want to say, Dave?

It's Gabe. It's your name.

Oh man, look at that.

- Hey, Fluffy. - How you been, man?

Good to see you, man.

Wow! My mechanic told me all about this bus.

He even showed me a picture of the engine.

- How many of these do you own? - I have about 32.

Wow.

Um, it would be 33,

but Jay Leno is vicious at a car auction.

Yeah.

"Yeah. Sorry I outbid you,

I didn't see you standing right there next to me."

Yeah, he didn't see me, the only Mexican at Sotheby's.

Yeah. Well, I said this isn't for sale,

but I'm glad you could take a look at the engine.

It's a beauty, huh?

You know, I pay strong.

No, no, it's not for sale.

- Pick a number. - It's literally not for sale.

I'll double it.

I'm thinking.

I'll even throw in a pair of VIP comedy tickets, backstage.

You're going backwards.

Morning.

Good, you?

I'm dying.

So fun.

Sorry. I'm taking a practice LSAT.

My dad keeps pushing me to go to law school.

He's like Fox News with pronouns.

Every time I think we've moved on, he brings it up again.

He/him does have a unique way of riling people up.

- Where's all this coming from? - Hmph!

I just found out my 16-year-old makes more money than I do.

The same kid who thinks strawberry milk comes from cows

who just eat strawberries.

Wait, is this your way of asking me for a raise?

Because those only come from cows who eat money.

I just feel like such a failure.

I mean, I'm in this dead-end job.

Now you're definitely not getting a raise.

Have you thought about what you want to do, career-wise?

I spent the last 15 years supporting two kids

and a deadbeat husband.

What I want feels like a real, uh, add avocado level of luxury.

Well, it's not. So what do you want?

Honestly?

Avocado.

Wow, Mom's old ride. She loved this thing so much.

I loved her so much.

That's why I put this badass engine in here, man.

So many family road trips in this thing.

You told us to shut the hell up

in the most beautiful places on earth.

I also lied to your brother about seeing VW Bugs

so I could punch him in the arm.

You lied? I hit him, too.

That's what made it fun.

Hey, any more thought to going to law school?

Oh, God. Here we go.

It's a smart and practical thing to do...

Wow, you're flipping me off with your eyes.

Ugh!

Ah, the Parker Family "Hello".

Ugh! My dad is back on his "go to law school" rant.

I vented to Eve first,

but only because she's smart and sophisticated.

No offense.

- Some offense. - See, this is where you say

something to make me feel better about being a loser.

I'm sorry. I'm just distracted

by this latte that you made. It's so good.

It made me forget that we're all just hapless pawns

in the chessboard of life.

Mmm. Caramel.

This is the best one yet. Ten out of ten.

No notes. Oh, except the note of...

lavender.

Thanks, but back to me.

I took this stupid career aptitude test online

and you know what it said I should be?

A goth dental hygienist?

I wish!

A mechanic!

Can you believe it? I don't want to do what my dad does.

You could never do what your dad does.

You don't just decide to be Mozart.

You know, you kind of are a mechanic.

A coffee mechanic.

You joke, but it's not that different, okay?

A lot of coffee machines are as intricate as a car engine.

Shh. They can all hear you.

I'm serious.

I have this idea to use one of these compressors

to speed up making a pour-over.

But you don't want to hear me talk about coffee all day.

Do you? Because I have a podcast idea, too.

Maybe making coffee is your thing.

That's not a thing.

Okay, it's a thing. But it's not like a career.

Barbara Starbucks would beg to differ.

You know, we do need another coffee shop.

The last one closed because the barista was giving nicknames

to the customers on their cups.

I liked my nickname...

Hot Chocolate.

You know who didn't like theirs? "Old Bitch."

I mean, of course I'd love to have my own coffee shop,

but I would need a lot of money.

And the only way to get a lot of money fast

requires a level of nudity I'm not comfortable with,

and a much better camera.

Hey Riley, you better stay away from OnlyFans.

Them ladies is sad.

Especially that Darlene.

Ooh boy, do I need a drink.

My dogs are barking and my tummy's purring.

Ooh, tough day at work, little kitty-cat?

Oof! The boss is riding me hard.

- Yeah. - Working man's struggle is real, Pops.

But, hey, at least we get moments like this

at the end of a long day.

That long day? You worked four hours.

Hello, Sharks!

Hey, what are you doing?

We're offering you the opportunity of a lifetime.

Oh, no.

This is my colleague, Mom.

Dad, may I call you Dad?

Dad, you've been pushing for law school

because you said I wasn't bringing you a better plan.

Well, here's my plan.

Klatch Cafe.

I love coffee. I love making it, drinking it.

And now, I'm gonna love selling it. Are you buying it?

I am. I like that... a latte.

So, I'm looking for investors to open my own coffee shop.

Wow. That's great.

I bet the start-up costs aren't too grande.

In fact, the all-in costs are half the price of law school.

That's grounds... for investment.

But don't just listen to Mom.

As a lifelong coffee drinker,

I can say with certainty, Riley Parker's coffee

is the best I've ever had.

Riley's coffee is so good,

I don't even call other coffee "coffee" anymore.

I call it that wet brown stuff.

I'm more of a tea person.

And the tea is that Riley's coffee is great.

Matt, tea means gossip.

Hi, I'm Lori Greiner from "Shark Tank"

and there is nothing I love to support more

than a woman-led startup.

And that's why I'm endorsing...

Riley Parker's Klatch Cafe.

In summation, running my own coffee shop

would be a great use of my skills

and make a lot of people very happy.

Thusly, our investors happy. So what do you say, Shark?

If you're ready to caffeinate your portfolio,

just say you're in.

I'm out.

So, um, can I ask why you said no?

Other than it being your favorite word.

Riley, all I'm hearing is a pitch from a woman

who's never been in business before.

That's not true.

My spiked lemonade stand outside prom did gangbusters.

Seriously, all I heard was happy,

and I don't invest in feelings.

Unless you count my shares

in the number-one maker of anti-depressants.

I'm in.

I like your grit and I believe in you.

So I'm gonna invest my first paycheck in your shop.

Or shall I say, our shop?

I'm sorry your dad said no.

He can be so stubborn.

I suggested one night we try an organic restaurant.

He was like, nah, I'm not into all that freaky stuff.

I just thought this coffee business

is what I'm supposed to do.

I haven't been this certain about something since I got

a tattoo of the moon mooning the sun.

It's still funny

and slightly subversive without being offensive.

But hang on. I mean, this is just a minor setback.

You said yourself this is what you're supposed to do.

Yeah, but I tried, and it didn't work out, the end.

If it takes one no

for you to give up on your dreams,

maybe your dad is right.

This is not what you are supposed to do.

Mean.

You're the one who quit, not me.

Do you want this or not?

- Yeah, I want it. - Doesn't sound like you want it.

- I really want it. - Are you sure?

- I'm sure. - Perfect.

You're fired.

- Wait. What? - I'm pulling out the safety net.

You need to get out there

and build this business with everything you've got.

Um, you know I have nothing, right?

That's not true.

You have what it takes to do this.

What you don't have is anything

to fall back on because you're fired.

Ugh!

Well, if I'm fired, I'm gonna start taking stuff.

Hey, Riley. Hey, Riley!

What is this?

- I'm working. - Oh, gosh.

Because I thought it was Willy Wonka's meth lab.

Welcome to Klatch Cafe.

We offer friends and family discount.

You get neither.

So this is your idea? A cart in the alley?

You know, they don't even sell weed in alleys anymore.

How'd you even buy all this?

I put it on my credit cards.

You know the interest rate on the credit card?

Yes, Dad. 18% over 36 months.

But my sales projections

indicate I'll be in the black within four months.

I got this. Look!

I already have a line of customers

and one Yelp review that says,

"Hot coffee, hotter coffee chick."

Eh? Yeah, that's going on the wall.

Great. And of course, you got a big line

because it takes, like, what, two hours

to make one cup of coffee?

Not anymore.

- Look. - Look at what?

I finally figured out a way to speed up

making a pour-over without losing quality.

It's a hydraulic compressor attached to the pump.

I resto-modded coffee.

You're just throwing money away.

No, the lace underwear

no one's seen in years was throwing money away.

This is an investment.

- Hey, Matt, isn't this great? - No, no, it's not great.

This also happened when that coffee place

wrote "a-hole" on his cup.

Hey, guys. Who in here helped her make that coffee machine?

She did it herself.

She what?

- It's pretty cool, right? - Yeah.

- See the modulation lever? - Uh-huh.

It's the old clutch and a brake from a bike.

Actually, it was my bike.

I found that out the hard way when I was going down a hill.

So you're telling me that Riley made that machine?

Yes. Come on, man. She grew up in this shop.

She may have paid more attention than you realized.

You know, it takes a village to raise a mechanic.

Or kill one.

You know, villages do a lot of things.

Both good and bad.

I don't want to talk about it, please. And it wasn't great.

Well, I didn't want to talk about the historical inaccuracy

of one of the German rifles in Dunkirk

for two hours.

The soldier was walking around with a rifle

that wasn't made until 1947.

Look, I don't understand why you can't see

what's going on out there

and not be at least a little bit proud of her.

Proud of what? A coffee cart in an alley?

- This is just crazy. - Yes!

What business doesn't start as a crazy dream?

I didn't want to be a dancer.

But then someone put baby in a corner,

changed my whole life plan.

Look, maybe it's not what you want her to do,

but you did want her to have a plan.

And now she's got one,

and you still have no faith in her.

What is your problem?

I don't want to see her fail again.

It's really hard as her dad to watch this.

She's raised two great kids,

built some amazing coffee machine,

but she doesn't know how to make good decisions.

And she has no idea how hard it is to run a business.

Well, wouldn't it be a little easier

if her father supported her at least a little bit?

She lives at my house. I support everything she does.

Riley is a great person. She's a great mom

and she got saddled with a hell of a lot of responsibility

at a very young age.

And now she's finally locked into something

she's passionate about.

Do you know how many parents would kill

to have a kid like that to support?

You sound like her mother.

What would Diane think right now

if she saw her daughter out there?

What do you want, Lily? Any item on the menu.

You don't have to buy me a drink.

I make money from tutoring.

Shout out social media for making kids dumb.

Oh, I don't pay here.

I'm what you call an angel investor.

Hey, Ma. Two cocoas, hold the marshmallows.

I've never felt so alive.

One of the dancers left an untouched triple shot macchiato

on the back of that truck.

Whoa, Mama, that's good stuff.

Georgia.

You know you're not supposed to have caffeine.

- Don't touch my coffee. - Hey, Georgia!

Hey, Riley. I need to talk to you for a minute.

- I'm busy. - Follow me.

No, I'm not doing this anymore. You don't get to tell me

where to walk or what to do with my life.

Follow me.

Uh, be right back.

Don't, uh, steal anything.

Where are you going?

I'm only following you because I want to,

not because you want me to.

This feels very Sopranos.

Why are you showing me Mom's bus?

Because Mom's bus is soon to become...

your new coffee van.

I'm going to design a really good awning

that'll come out like this.

Some roller trays to put your equipment on,

and all the plumbing and electric so your coffee machine will work.

And before you know it,

the area will be filled with annoying hipsters.

And I realize "annoying hipsters" is redundant.

What happened to selling the van

because it was practical?

Your mom always said, "The best things

don't always make the most sense."

And she was right, right?

And sometimes, passion trumps practical.

Some things are both.

You and Mom were kind of like that.

No, but you've done the hard stuff, Riley.

Pot gummies aren't the hard stuff.

You taught yourself business, credit,

plus, you designed and fabricated a coffee machine

that's very, very creative.

I took a close look at it, honey.

And I'm telling you, it was impressive.

So proud of that work you did, I almost cried.

Well, I learned from the best.

Thank you.

Gabe.

Thank you.

Thank your mom. She would want it this way.

Listen... that machine is tremendous.

I think we should get a patent on it.

Which means you know what we need?

Don't say it.

- A lawyer. - Ugh!

Well, looky here.

Man, people from all walks of life standing here, smiling

and just having a great time.

It drives you crazy, doesn't it?

To my very core.

I already hit my day-one quota.

And, yes, my tip jar was stolen.

But good news is,

there was nothing in there except a business card

from a guy named Double-Jointed Dan.

Uh, Mom, I think we have our first celebrity.

Oh, my God, it's Lori from Shark Tank!

My queen!

Whoa! What is she doing here?

I may have DM'd her about your business,

maybe a little about your humble roots.

If she asks, you spent a few years in a women's prison

for a crime you didn't commit.

Hi, you must be Riley.

- Hi, Lori from Shark Tank. - Hi.

Hi. I'm Georgia, her manager.

Oh, nice to meet you.

So you must be the one that's been messaging me

on Instagram, and TikTok,

and somehow my personal cell phone?

You're gonna have to hang on to her.

She is absolutely relentless, but adorable.

Oh, I'm holding on to her. Unless you want her!

Say yes.

Hello, Lori.

- Hi. - I'm Matt Parker. I own the place.

Father and grandfather and, uh, the original Mr. Wonderful.

Oh, nice to meet you, Matt.

Now, that's a daddy I might like to scrub.

Hey, I'm Scrub Daddy's girlfriend.

Oh, hi. Good for you.

Yeah.

Hi, Lori. Carter, part owner.

It's incredulous to meet you.

- Oh. - Hi.

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