Original subtitles

This programme contains discriminatory language

and very strong language.

Thank you, darling.

Amy, lovely...

Are you ready to go? Let's go!

All right, listen up!

Camera!

Quiet on set, please!

MUSIC: Black Man's Cry by Fela Kuti

And...

..action!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Kwabena, your client's been waiting outside in reception

for 20 minutes now. Oh, sorry, no-one told me. I'll go and get him now.

No, no, don't worry, I brought him in, but, erm, you know...

..this isn't the first time we've had this conversation. Yeah?

It's your client, it's your responsibility. OK.

How is that presentation coming along for Thursday?

Everything set? Good, yeah.

I just have a few small things to tweak, but other than that it's great.

Looking forward to it.

Argh!

Lewis, hi.

Take a seat. Thanks for coming in.

Yeah, so, I just wanted us to run through a few things

before we started sending out your CV, yeah?

Cool. So, here you've put, "Please don't misconstrue

"my 14 previous jobs as job hopping. I've never quit a job."

It sounds like you've been fired from 14 jobs.

Un... Unfairly fired.

Right. And I believe here you meant to put incompetent.

What did I put? Incontinent.

Oh, yeah, I'm not.

And I'd use the word "for"

instead of "opportunities to see what I could do TO your company."

"Reasonably reliable." I'd just put reliable.

And in interests, you've missed a comma between cooking and dogs.

Cooking dogs... Cooking dogs!

KWABENA SIGHS

Yo, you're good, yeah?

Sterling Recruitment Agency. How can I help you?

KWABENA GROANS

Ooh, erm, Kwabs...

What's up? I need some advice.

OK. Basically, I've been messaging this girl for a while, yeah,

and I'm going around hers tonight for some Netflix AND chill.

Yeah? Is that you, yeah?

Yes, that is me. Yes.

But I'm kind of struggling to choose a film

so I'm just wondering what you might go for.

Erm, I don't know. I guess it depends who I'm dating.

Oh, anyone. Literally anyone. Doesn't matter what she looks like.

No, I mean what she's into.

She's, erm...a Sagittarius.

She likes...spicy food.

She, yeah, loves that, actually.

She's very, erm...

..vibrant.

And kind of changes her hairstyle a lot.

You know...

..dem kinda tings.

Oh, she's black?! She is, actually, yes.

Right!

So you want black film suggestions? This is it, exactly.

I'm kind of imagining something quite deep as well

so I've been googling black Oscar films. OK.

At the moment, I'm thinking Color Purple.

OK, erm...

It's a good film, but I feel like for a first date

you might want to choose something without rape.

OK, no, probably...

Probably a good shout, yeah.

OK, what about 12 Years a Slave? Bro, that's slavery and rape.

Kwabena...

..have you got time to go over that presentation later today?

Probably not. I've got to leave early...

Oh, shit, I need to go now.

Er, where are you going? To meet a candidate.

What's Precious like? Still a rape, bro.

If you want a feel-good black film...

..Green Book.

TANNOY: Bus stopping at next stop.

Jamaica Road is a period love story

about an immigrant from Jamaica who's trying to survive

in a time of...poverty?

Hardsh...

HE SIGHS

MUSIC: Underwater by Ego Ella May

Hey. Erm...

Sorry to disturb you.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy who's spoken to you today

but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to let you know that

Boots has a special on all Shea Moisture products this week.

SHE LAUGHS

I had to let you know. Thank you.

I'd never want your hair to turn out like mine, you know? Why not?

Erm, it has a Marmite effect.

I hate Marmite.

See what I mean?

But I love your hair.

BELL RINGS

At its core, it's a portrayal of the struggles that they face

as a working-class, queer,

disabled, Asian,

nonbinary person, in the face...

..of Islam.

And why do you want to tell this story? It's very personal to me.

I think what I've learned in writing and conceiving this idea is that...

..don't we all have a piece of Nur inside of us?

Hey. I'd like to sign up for a pitch slot.

I'm sorry but we're fully booked now.

OK. Erm, is there, like, a waiting list or something?

No, sorry.

Once all the slots are gone, that's it.

The only thing I can recommend

is maybe arriving earlier for the next one.

OK, cool. When's the next one? It's next year.

My relationship with my father has never really recovered

from when I changed my law conversion to a directing degree.

It's never been the same.

KWABENA SIGHS

Amy?!

Kwabs! Oh, my God! What are you doing here? Look at your hair!

What are you doing here?!

The production company that I'm working for,

they're sponsoring this event. So, you're back in London?

Yeah, man. I moved back about a month ago.

You didn't message, man. Is that how you're moving now?

I've been mad busy. Are you crazy? New job so you can't text me?

Imagine! You ain't text me either though.

No, but, like, what is your job?

OK, OK, so my official job title is exec assistant.

So you're, like, actually living the dream, like, fully?

Not really.

It's still a lot of making teas and standing around,

even though I'm really good at it.

Watch this.

Mm!

Look at that back posture.

They pay for that chin as well, yeah? Right. I know.

All them years at film school finally paying off. Yeah.

Anyway, what's going on with you? I mean...

..I'm here, innit.

Yeah, no, I'm still in recruitment.

What?! Wait, what happened to the feature film?

It's written but, you know how it is,

production companies don't want to touch it unless you have an agent.

An agent doesn't want you unless you have something hot.

To make something hot, you need money.

And you don't have any money.

Why you have to say it like that though, like? As in, I get it.

It's not what you know, it's who you know.

Listen, at this point, I'll just marry a rich white woman, done.

Of course you are. Ha!

So, come on, then. One more?

As in, your round, so up you get.

OK. Thank you. You're welcome.

All right, Miss Exec Assistant. That's right. That's right.

Hiya.

Yes, sir?

Could I have two more mojitos, please?

Yeah. Are you guys paying together, or...?

Nah, we're just black.

Cancel that. I've just had a call and I have to be in at seven

for a conference call. You can't do one more?

Trust me, it's long. But it's been so good seeing you, honestly.

We should get a proper drink soon, yeah? All right. Cool.

Catch you later. Get home safe.

Amy!

I didn't mean that soon.

Yo, could you get someone to read my script?

They don't take unsolicited material.

Is there anything you could do, even if it's someone I can email?

It's who you know, right?

All right. Do you have a one-pager? I can get you one tonight.

All right, do it, and I will... No, no, no, I will pass it on

to the development team, but that's all I can promise, OK?

Nothing more. Thank you. And I mean tonight, not two days' time tonight.

Thank you. I will, I promise. I promise, I'll send it to you.

All right. Cool. Get home.

Yo, you too, yeah.

Thank you! You'll get it!

We trust that our baby's birth has its own timescale. Mm.

Focus on these positive sensations. Mm-hm.

WHISPERS: Listen to your body.

My body is telling me to pee.

You loosen, open...

..release.

That's really not helping.

There's nothing you need to do except relax...

WHISPERS: ..and breathe...

And pee. Babe, I don't think it works if you keep interrupting me.

OK, do you want to carry this baby instead?

Sorry, what are you guys doing? Hi. Hypnobirthing.

I swear, this baby is permanently standing on my bladder!

Ooh... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yo, man. Yo, what you saying?

Hey, don't!

It's Funmi's. What? She won't mind.

Nah, man. This is organic, sugar free cola.

Too much sugar during the pregnancy can lead to

gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia, so...sorry.

OK. Yeah.

Your book arrived, yeah?

Yeah, man. I need to learn as much about pregnancy before

the baby gets here.

It's a two-person job, you know?

Is that why you're gaining weight?

Foetus envy is in fact a bona fide response

to incipient fatherhood

and can cause nearly 95% of men to...

..put on weight.

Foetus envy?

What? That's the name of this combo?

OK.

KWABENA LAUGHS

Fuck! Yo!

Oh, sorry, bro.

You can chuck it in the lav, I'll sort it later.

No, no, it's cool.

QUIETLY: All right...

MUSIC: Scatty Brain Dump by KinKai

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Erm... Erm...

All right. Cool, cool.

PHONE RINGS

GRUFF VOICE: Hello, Jamie?

Yeah, I just woke up feeling really rough.

I think it might be best if I just stay home.

Yeah.

Thanks, bye.

RADIO: So how long did it take you to get this film off the ground?

Well, it was about four years in total.

From script, development,

to raising the funds.

We then went into production and that's when the real work started.

Film-making is a long game.

You really have to graft and be resilient.

Oh, Lewis.

I didn't realise you were working here. I'm just temping.

It's Kwabena.

From recruitment.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have a meeting at 10:30am.

Erm, name?

Kwabena.

Is that with a Q?

K-W-A-B-E-N-A.

Yes?

You're in room two.

Head down the corridor, it's second on your... It's on my left.

We have the same left.

You'll see it.

Cheers.

Right, cool, cool.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hi. Please come in. Thanks for having me.

Tell me about Jamaica Road. Definitely.

What are they saying? Erm, they...

They want to see you again tomorrow.

You see? I knew!

Well done. Oh, I'm so proud of you.

But can you make 4:30pm?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why was that so long?

No, no, no. I'll leave work early, I'll leave work early.

OK, but white people's time 4:30pm. I've got you, I've got you.

Listen, doing it right now. Please do. Yes, yes, yes.

I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? See you tomorrow. Don't be late!

# Oh, Arsenal, we love you! #

COME OOOOOON!

Let's go, man! Come on! Bruv...

I'm going to have to bail, you know. I have a meeting tomorrow.

You said you wanted these tickets. Yo, trust me, this is massive, bro.

Are you seriously going to bail on me, fam?

Look, man, I swear - if it was anything else, anything else, I'd come.

But Amy got me this meeting at a production company

and I can't miss it, bro.

Aight.

Just remember that the next time you ask for tickets.

MESSAGE ALERT

Yo!

Yo, what's up, man? Hey, man.

Oh, erm, thanks so much for the warning with those films.

Oh, no worries, bro. What did you watch in the end?

Shaft.

Yeah. Oh, boy!

Actually, you know what, erm...

..talking of, erm...

..shaft,

I need to ask you about something. Yeah, cool.

Basically, we were on the sofa... Mm-hm.

..erm, stuff was happening...

THEY CHUCKLE

..but, erm, when she put her hand,

you know, down there,

erm, I started to panic.

I'll be really super honest with you,

I am not a...

..shower.

OK.

Nor, to be fair, a grower,

and just, obviously, with all the kind of rumours that I've heard,

you know... Rumours?

With her experience, do you think she'll be expecting a...

..a minimum or...?

KWABENA LAUGHS

Don't worry, bro. It's a myth.

Really? Really?

MICROWAVE PINGS

Are you coming to karaoke on Friday night?

What is it with you guys and karaoke?

Don't pretend you don't love it. I'm not pretending.

I'll get you up there one day, mark my words.

Oh, is this your film?

Yeah. Well, it's the pitch.

It actually sounds quite good.

Were you not expecting it to be?

Oh, I just assumed that if you were good, you wouldn't be here.

What is that, Kwabs?

Erm, stew peas.

Mm. Smells very...

..interesting.

Have you never had stew peas? I don't like spicy food.

They're not spicy.

You can try some.

I'm fine, thanks. I just ate.

But I tend to eat cooked food in the kitchen.

You know, just out of a courtesy to everyone else.

SLURPING

BLOWING

All right.

Oh, my God, thanks so much.

Cool.

How are you feeling today?

Oh, yeah, much, much better, thanks. Great.

Yeah. Did you go to the doctor or anything?

No, you know what, I just stayed in bed, thought I'd sleep it off.

Right, well, it's been brought to my attention

that you were actually seen by a colleague yesterday morning.

I mean, I don't want to be that person, but

are they sure they saw me? Yes, Kwabena.

I think it's fair to say you've got some very, erm...

..distinguishing features.

OK.

Look, I get it, everyone pulls a sickie once in a while, but, erm,

looking at your KPIs, for the last quarter,

they're just all... they're all below target,

so I'm going to have to put you on a... on a...

.."official" warning.

Officially.

CLOCK TICKS

MESSAGE ALERT

You ready?

So when you compare the figures from before and after the candidate

attraction campaign...

PHONE VIBRATES

..you can see a significant increase in hiring

activity across the board.

PHONE VIBRATES

Additionally, the attrition rates for those candidates hired

after the campaign are significantly lower than those hired beforehand.

PHONE VIBRATES

Everything all right?

Actually, no, sorry.

I've got to go. What?

Yeah, sorry. Fire me if you need to but I can't be here.

Kwabena!

Amy, sorry. Look, I'm running a bit late but I'm on my way.

Yo. Big tip if you can get me there in 20.

PHONE VIBRATES

TYRES SCREECH

PHONE VIBRATES

Everything all right?

Yeah, sorry. Sorry.

This is a great ROI.

Do you know what? That was fantastic.

I think that's a good place to leave it.

MUSIC: Sweet Summers Day by Tamaraebi

Imagine! I told you to come at the right time

and you didn't even show up.

I know it's not easy

but this was your chance, Kwabs!

On the real, are you serious about film-making or not?

TOM SINGS: So Mi Like It by Spice

# Yes a so mi like it

# Bring yo body, come, yah meck mi ride it... #

ADAM CHUCKLES

You all right? You seem a bit quiet.

KWABENA EXHALES

# Caw no gyal cyaa do dem yah wine weh mi design

# Skin out mi pum pum! #

CHEERING

How does Tom know this song?

Ah, it's all he's into since he got back from his Christmas holiday in Jamaica.

Oh, is it? Did you not hear? Oh, my God, he's got, like,

a girlfriend out there now and everything.

Sends her money every month.

They're, like, proper in love.

In love? Yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Whoo!

Next up, we have Adam and Kwabena.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

Come on, man. I told you I'd get you up here one of these days. Today is not that day.

Oh, come on, man, please. Guys, guys, who wants K-Dog rap with me?

Me! I do!

CHEERING

K-Dog! K-Dog!

OTHERS CHANT: K-Dog! K-Dog! K-Dog! K-Dog!

K-Dog! K-Dog! K-Dog! K-Dog!

Yes!

That's my besties!

Yeah!

Come on, lad!

Play the motherfucking track.

CHEERING

I'll tell you when to come in, yeah?

I'll pass you the mic and everything. You cool? Yeah. OK. All right.

# Here we go now

# Where we goin' now?

# Give it away, give it away, give it away now

# Tell me what you really wanna do Come here, ma

# Talk to a...talk with me You look like you could really give it to a...

# From the way you walk and the way you try to talk to me

# The way you try to put it on a dawg

# Givin' it like you never did before to me

# The way you break yo' back, and I break yo' neck,

# The way you try to put it on the floor for me So let me do this playa

# You know that I'll be makin' it flop

# You wanna stop

HE EXHALES

# Just let me give you real street shit

# To ride in yo' shit with

# Recline yo' seat, rewind this heat

# Keep bouncin' up and down these streets

# Just bang yo' head and break your neck CROWD: Nigga!

# Break your neck Nigga!

# Break your neck Nigga!

CHEERING

# Break your neck Nigga!

# Break your neck Nigga!

# Break your neck Nigga!

CROWD: # Just break yo' neck, nigga! #

SCATTERED CHEERS

MAN: Come on, nigga!

KWABENA EXHALES HEAVILY

You know what?

..I quit.

MICROPHONE CLUNKS ON FLOOR

MICROPHONE FEEDBACK

Wait, Kwabs? Just shut up!

SHE GASPS

I told you to go with No Woman, No Cry.

Go on, get off.

Right, who's next?

OVER PHONE: Hello? Hey.

Erm, I just wanted to let you know that I quit my job.

Really? They didn't fire you for being late?

No.

Erm, you just made me realise what I needed to do.

If it wasn't for you I'd be shouting "nigga" in a room

full of white people right now.

Don't knock it.

Rappers make a living out of it, so...

HE CHUCKLES

Erm, anyway, I just...

I just wanted to...thank you.

I'll call you tomorrow.

And, Kwabs, I'm proud of you.

Yeah. Later.

BUS APPROACHES

Oh, thanks, love. No worries.

I love your hair. Thank you.

SHE SCREAMS

Oh, shit! Oh, my God.

No! Yo! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Oi!

Cheers. What the fuck?

Oh, man. Man.

Erm... Yeah.

Yeah. Look at that.

Thank you.

Yeah, I...

Thanks.

I like your canerows. Thank you.

Edges looking slick and that. Snatched, yeah.

Erm, I'm Kwabena.

I'm Vanessa.

So, what do you do?

I'm a film-maker.

# If you're wanting something familiar

# Familiar

# Hang up the phone, baby, put it down, down

# Round and around

# Maybe you should go and see if Mary's in town

# You wanna fly with her now

# Save the world and I'm the girl you want to be round

# Baby, please let me know, know, know, know

# Oh

# Let me, let me know. #