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1
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Yo, Chuck! Ow! Oh, oh, oh, Andre!
You scared me.
2
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What? Cuz I'm black?
3
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No, because first it was very
quiet and then it was very loud.
4
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So, uh, what's up?
5
00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:40,000
What the fuck are you white
people trying to do to me, Chuck?
6
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I'm not educated to all the
subtleties of race relationships.
7
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I'm not sure what you mean.
I wrote the book. The book is out there.
8
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But nobody's buying the goddamn book!
9
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I'll admit that sales haven't
been quite up to our expectations.
10
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Bullshit! I don't see no billboards.
I don't see no signs. I don't see no TV
11
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commercials.
12
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You people are oppressing me.
13
00:02:00,003 --> 00:02:05,000
Look, Andre, you know, I'm a very,
very big fan. You know, but Gibby, he cut
14
00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:06,000
the promotion budget.
15
00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:08,000
Where is this Gibby, motherfucker?
16
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,000
Hmm? I'm gonna kill him.
17
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A man off to my own heart.
18
00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,745
Get my name in the
paper. Then maybe
19
00:02:13,757 --> 00:02:16,000
somebody's gonna hear
about this goddamn book.
20
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,548
Andre, Andre, calm
down, will you? The book
21
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,000
just needs some time
to find an audience.
22
00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:24,000
Fuck that!
Everybody should be reading this shit.
23
00:02:24,003 --> 00:02:29,000
Yeah, yeah, but black people, white
people, children, Indians... Yeah, yeah.
24
00:02:29,003 --> 00:02:32,000
...fucking French people, Canadians!
25
00:02:32,003 --> 00:02:38,000
All right, all right. I get it.
26
00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:40,000
I went with you people
because you believed in me.
27
00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:43,000
And I still do, Andre.
I think you're a terrific writer.
28
00:02:43,003 --> 00:02:45,000
Well, then do something!
29
00:02:45,003 --> 00:02:49,000
Please?
30
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,000
Hold it! I've got it!
31
00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:57,000
Okay, look, I have a friend
who works on a TV show, okay?
32
00:02:57,003 --> 00:02:59,000
Let me see if I can make something happen.
33
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:02,000
Thanks, Joe.
34
00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:14,000
You kissed me. I bet that means something.
35
00:03:14,003 --> 00:03:16,000
Don't be telling nobody I did that.
36
00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:17,000
No problem.
37
00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:18,000
Shit!
38
00:03:18,003 --> 00:03:31,000
So what do you think? Can we make the 630?
39
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:33,000
Should we just have dinner
and go to the 930 show?
40
00:03:33,003 --> 00:03:36,000
No, no, no, no. We can make the 630. Easy.
41
00:03:36,003 --> 00:03:38,000
This is a disaster.
42
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:39,000
What? What?
43
00:03:39,003 --> 00:03:43,000
I lost my favorite earrings.
The ones that look like the little fish.
44
00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,000
All right.
45
00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:46,000
Just give me two minutes.
46
00:03:46,003 --> 00:03:51,000
The 930.
47
00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:55,000
Look, Eddie, I got this great young
writer who would be perfect for the Home
48
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:55,000
Sweet Home Show.
49
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:58,000
Aw, forget it, man.
Nobody cares about writers.
50
00:03:58,003 --> 00:04:00,000
Who said that? Shakespeare.
51
00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:01,000
What do you mean?
52
00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:02,000
Found them.
53
00:04:02,003 --> 00:04:04,000
Ah, the 630.
54
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:06,000
Eddie, his name is
Andre Williams, you know?
55
00:04:06,003 --> 00:04:09,000
And he's funny, he's smart,
he's very, very entertaining.
56
00:04:09,003 --> 00:04:12,000
That's what you said about that...
Futterman guy.
57
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,000
Come on. He wasn't that bad.
58
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:17,000
I'd like to tell you the story of my life.
59
00:04:17,003 --> 00:04:21,000
Okay, but this guy's totally different.
Did I mention he's black?
60
00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:24,000
I mean, come on, you
could help out a brother.
61
00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:26,000
Have you seen my green sweater?
62
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:28,000
I put it in your drawer.
63
00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:30,000
Thanks.
64
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:34,000
Carol has a drawer now?
65
00:04:34,003 --> 00:04:38,000
Yeah, man. It started out a couple
of hangers, and now it's a drawer.
66
00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,000
Sounds serious, huh?
67
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,000
So you're gonna put him on the show?
68
00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:45,000
What? Forget it, man. I said forget it.
69
00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:48,000
Look, Eddie, please, please,
come on, just five minutes.
70
00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:51,000
Okay, no, four minutes.
Come on, come on. You gotta help me out.
71
00:04:51,003 --> 00:04:54,000
All right. Um, how about February?
72
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,000
How about Wednesday?
73
00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:57,313
Aw, man, I'll have
to bump Shirley
74
00:04:57,325 --> 00:04:59,000
Temple Black in her
beer-caron collection .
75
00:04:59,003 --> 00:05:01,000
You don't like me.
76
00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:04,000
I'm sure she won't mind.
Thank you. Thank you.
77
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,000
I really appreciate it, Eddie.
78
00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:08,000
Let's get on with the show, eh, kids?
79
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:12,000
That's fascinating.
80
00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:13,000
It really is amazing.
81
00:05:13,003 --> 00:05:16,000
Who would have thought you could
use cinnamon to remove ketchup stains?
82
00:05:16,003 --> 00:05:18,000
And you know, this is
also delicious on toast.
83
00:05:18,003 --> 00:05:19,000
You know what else is great?
84
00:05:19,003 --> 00:05:20,000
What?
85
00:05:20,003 --> 00:05:21,000
Shannon Doherty's cinnamon cookies.
86
00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:23,000
Yo, Chuck. Thanks for doing this, man.
87
00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:24,000
Shh.
88
00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:25,000
It's literally all delicious.
89
00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:26,000
No problem.
90
00:05:26,003 --> 00:05:28,000
Coming up next, he's a hot young author,
91
00:05:28,003 --> 00:05:30,000
and his gingerbread
cookies are hot from the oven.
92
00:05:30,003 --> 00:05:34,000
Yes, Andre Williams joins us
next on "Home Sweet Home."
93
00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:37,000
And we are clear.
94
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:41,000
What happened to Shirley Temple?
95
00:05:41,003 --> 00:05:45,000
Uh, she had to be rescheduled.
96
00:05:45,003 --> 00:05:48,000
You did this, didn't you? You did this.
97
00:05:48,003 --> 00:05:51,178
Well, for your fucking
information, I have
98
00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:54,000
always wanted to
meet Shirley Temple.
99
00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:58,000
Girl.
100
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:00,000
Look.
101
00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:03,000
Kirk Douglas gave me one
of his sockhand puppets.
102
00:06:03,003 --> 00:06:05,000
That's great, baby.
103
00:06:14,003 --> 00:06:16,000
I gotta run to my meeting.
104
00:06:16,003 --> 00:06:18,000
I'll see you at home.
105
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,000
Bye, Mom.
106
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,000
Bye, Carol.
107
00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:24,000
Eddie Charles, Andre
Williams, Andre Williams.
108
00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:25,000
Eddie Charles.
109
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:27,000
Yo, what's up?
110
00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:29,000
It's a pleasure.
111
00:06:29,003 --> 00:06:31,000
Um, let's get cooking.
112
00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:32,000
Ten seconds, people.
113
00:06:32,003 --> 00:06:33,000
Don't worry about a thing, okay?
114
00:06:33,003 --> 00:06:35,000
Just be yourself, okay?
115
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:37,000
Have fun, guys.
116
00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:39,000
Five, four, three.
117
00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:43,000
Welcome back, everyone.
118
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:49,000
Our guest today is Andre
Williams, author of "Yo, Homeboy."
119
00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:52,000
Nice to have you.
120
00:06:52,003 --> 00:06:53,000
Andre, while the oven is preheating,
121
00:06:53,003 --> 00:06:56,000
why don't you go ahead and
tell us a little bit about the book.
122
00:06:56,003 --> 00:07:00,000
Well, the book is about this
homeboy who's living large in the hood.
123
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,000
Uh-huh.
124
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:07,000
Okay, so it's about a young man's
experience as an urban African-American.
125
00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:09,000
Didn't I just say that?
126
00:07:09,003 --> 00:07:13,000
Uh, yeah, I was just,
uh... Please, go on.
127
00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:15,000
Oh, yes, this is so fascinating.
128
00:07:15,003 --> 00:07:18,000
All right, um, this brother
is hanging with his posse.
129
00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:20,000
Just group of friends.
130
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:22,000
Yo, what show on my own?
131
00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:25,000
"Uncle Tom's Neighborhood"?
132
00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:28,000
Get out of here, you
trying to start a riot?
133
00:07:28,003 --> 00:07:31,000
Well, that's all the time we have.
134
00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:33,000
No?
135
00:07:33,003 --> 00:07:36,000
Andre, why don't you
try some of these scones?
136
00:07:36,003 --> 00:07:38,000
Wolf Blitzer made them.
137
00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:40,000
What are these scones in me, man?
138
00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:41,000
These are biscuits.
139
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:42,000
What's wrong with you, brah?
140
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,000
You ain't never had a biscuit?
141
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:48,000
You know, folks, it's really very good.
142
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:51,000
Now, Andre, although
the book is quite humorous,
143
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:55,000
I understand it has a very strong
anti-drug, anti-gang message.
144
00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:57,000
Listen to you, man.
145
00:07:57,003 --> 00:08:00,000
You gotta be the world's
whitest black dude.
146
00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:03,000
You make Pat Vroom sound like Heavy D.
147
00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:05,000
Oh, Lord, your book is humorous.
148
00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:07,000
Well, why don't we get started
on those gingerbread cookies?
149
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:10,000
No, why don't we make some Oreo cookies?
150
00:08:10,003 --> 00:08:11,000
You have that recipe.
151
00:08:11,003 --> 00:08:13,000
All right, man, that's enough.
152
00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:15,000
No, I think we're on to something here.
153
00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:16,000
Let's look at the facts.
154
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,000
You talk white.
155
00:08:17,003 --> 00:08:19,000
Your woman is white.
156
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:21,000
You got this white-ass show.
157
00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:25,000
And this, this is about
as white as it gets.
158
00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:28,000
I would love to discuss this
further, but we are out of time.
159
00:08:28,003 --> 00:08:30,000
But tomorrow, Richard Whitmark will tell us
160
00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:35,000
why those cute little Vietnamese
pigs may not make such terrific pets.
161
00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:38,000
The book is Yo Homeboy by Andre Williams.
162
00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:40,000
Buy a jillion copies.
163
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,000
Bye-bye, everyone.
164
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:43,000
Bye-bye.
165
00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:46,000
Phew, Sam, I couldn't
take any more of that.
166
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:49,000
Me too. I was ready to throw up.
167
00:08:49,003 --> 00:08:53,000
How'd I do?
168
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:55,000
Words fail me.
169
00:08:55,003 --> 00:09:08,000
Phew, these do look great.
170
00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:10,000
You may want to shut up.
171
00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:12,000
11 o'clock on a Wednesday.
172
00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:14,000
I mean, how many people
could have been watching?
173
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:16,000
I'm not kidding.
174
00:09:16,003 --> 00:09:21,000
Okay, look, I fucked up. I'm sorry.
175
00:09:21,003 --> 00:09:23,000
Okay, I mean, I had no idea.
176
00:09:23,003 --> 00:09:25,000
Am I really that white?
177
00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:26,000
What?
178
00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:29,000
You actually took that seriously? Come on.
179
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,000
That guy is full of shit.
180
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:33,000
You think so?
181
00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:36,000
Absolutely. You're plenty blacked
the way you are, believe me.
182
00:09:36,003 --> 00:09:37,000
Anyway, who cares, right?
183
00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:39,000
This stuff doesn't matter.
184
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:41,000
Yeah, I know.
185
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:44,000
I don't know.
186
00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:47,000
Well, look, why don't you
and Carol come over tonight
187
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,000
and we'll order takeout and we'll just,
188
00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:51,000
you know, get drunk and forget
this whole thing ever happened.
189
00:09:51,003 --> 00:09:53,000
Yeah, that sounds really good.
190
00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:55,000
Thanks, man.
191
00:09:55,003 --> 00:09:58,000
Am I really that white?
192
00:09:58,003 --> 00:09:59,000
Yeah.
193
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:05,000
Hey, look, I got me Eddie Charles t-shirt.
194
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:07,000
Check it out.
195
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,000
I've got the socks.
196
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:12,000
Coming.
197
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:16,000
That's a motherfucking
funny motherfucking shit.
198
00:10:16,003 --> 00:10:27,000
Hey, hey, bud.
199
00:10:27,003 --> 00:10:29,000
Uh, Martin, this is Clarice.
200
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,000
Hi.
201
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:31,000
Hi, Clarice.
202
00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:32,000
Well, nice to meet you.
203
00:10:32,003 --> 00:10:34,000
And thanks for having me over.
204
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:35,000
My pleasure.
205
00:10:35,003 --> 00:10:37,000
Uh, come on in.
206
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,000
Who's that?
207
00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:42,000
I told you, Clarice.
208
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:44,000
I met her at the gym.
209
00:10:44,003 --> 00:10:46,000
What happened to Carol?
210
00:10:46,003 --> 00:10:48,000
Well, we sort of grew apart.
211
00:10:48,003 --> 00:10:49,000
Since lunch?
212
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:52,000
You know, you look like a fish guy.
213
00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:54,000
What?
214
00:10:54,003 --> 00:10:58,000
Well, some people are fish guys,
and some people are bird guys.
215
00:10:58,003 --> 00:11:00,000
You're definitely a fish guy.
216
00:11:00,003 --> 00:11:01,000
Isn't she great?
217
00:11:01,003 --> 00:11:04,000
She owns her own pet
store on Second Avenue.
218
00:11:04,003 --> 00:11:06,000
I can't believe you broke up with Carol.
219
00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:08,000
You two are so great together.
220
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:10,000
Clarice and I might be great together.
221
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,000
She seems nice.
222
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,000
She works out.
223
00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:14,000
She's dark, too.
224
00:11:14,003 --> 00:11:15,000
What are you doing?
225
00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:16,000
Nothing.
226
00:11:16,003 --> 00:11:17,000
Well, we're having dinner.
227
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:20,000
No, I mean, is this because
of what happened with Andre?
228
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:22,000
No, no, no, no.
229
00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:25,000
Oh, boys, calm down.
230
00:11:25,003 --> 00:11:26,000
Okay, okay.
231
00:11:26,003 --> 00:11:27,000
If you say so.
232
00:11:27,003 --> 00:11:28,000
What?
233
00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:31,000
You have a problem with
me dating a black woman?
234
00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:33,000
She ain't a blonde.
235
00:11:33,003 --> 00:11:34,000
No, no, of course not.
236
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:36,000
I mean, date whoever you want.
237
00:11:36,003 --> 00:11:39,000
You know, if you ever get a rabbit,
238
00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:42,000
you might want to wrap
some tape around these wires.
239
00:11:42,003 --> 00:11:53,000
The great thing about these movies is,
240
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:56,000
they really capture the
essence of the black experience.
241
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:57,000
I don't know.
242
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,000
I kind of prefer as an I.K. commercial.
243
00:11:59,003 --> 00:12:02,000
Shit.
244
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,000
I have a milk dud on my shoe.
245
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,000
Damn it.
246
00:12:06,003 --> 00:12:12,000
Fuck you, maniac!
247
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:16,000
Before I forget, I'm having
a little party tomorrow night,
248
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:19,000
and I need to borrow that
big coffee thing that you have.
249
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:21,000
No problem.
250
00:12:21,003 --> 00:12:23,000
Party, huh?
251
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:25,000
You never mentioned it.
252
00:12:25,003 --> 00:12:28,000
No, it's just a few friends.
253
00:12:28,003 --> 00:12:30,000
I'll probably just rent a movie.
254
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:32,000
Maybe Home Alone.
255
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:34,000
Oh, man, what am I thinking?
256
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:37,000
Consider yourself invited.
257
00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:39,000
Can I borrow some wine glasses?
258
00:12:39,003 --> 00:12:40,000
Sure.
259
00:12:40,003 --> 00:12:42,000
Sure, I'll bring them with me.
260
00:12:42,003 --> 00:12:44,000
Oh, when you drop off the coffee thing.
261
00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:46,000
No, when you invite
me to your fucking party.
262
00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:49,000
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
263
00:12:49,003 --> 00:12:50,000
Yeah, of course you're invited.
264
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,000
Yes, come, please.
265
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:53,000
Well, all right.
266
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:54,000
Thank you.
267
00:12:54,003 --> 00:12:56,000
I'll see if I'm free.
268
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,000
Hey, Greg, you made it.
269
00:12:58,003 --> 00:12:59,000
Yep.
270
00:12:59,003 --> 00:13:00,000
Here I am.
271
00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:01,000
Come on in.
272
00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:02,000
Thank you.
273
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:12,000
Right in the heart of darkest Africa.
274
00:13:12,003 --> 00:13:14,000
Yo, Chuck!
275
00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:16,000
Andre?
276
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:18,000
Where'd y'all come from?
277
00:13:18,003 --> 00:13:22,000
I didn't know you and Eddie
were, uh... Yeah, that's my friend.
278
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:27,000
Where'd y'all come from?
279
00:13:27,003 --> 00:13:30,000
I didn't know you and Eddie were,
uh... Yeah, that's my motherfucker.
280
00:13:30,003 --> 00:13:31,000
Don't say that.
281
00:13:31,003 --> 00:13:32,000
Hey!
282
00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:33,000
That's nice.
283
00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:35,000
Yo, everybody, Chuck's in the house.
284
00:13:35,003 --> 00:13:36,000
Chuckie Wocky!
285
00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,000
Chuck my brother.
286
00:13:37,003 --> 00:13:39,000
Yo, what's up, Chuck?
287
00:13:39,003 --> 00:13:41,000
Hi, everybody.
288
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:46,000
If you want to shake my
hand Like they do it in Harlem
289
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:51,000
Stick your hand right out and
shout Give me some skin, my friend.
290
00:13:51,003 --> 00:13:55,000
Well, Chuck, Martin, Between
you and me, I think Larry Bird's
291
00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,000
The best that's ever played the game.
292
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,000
And I'm not just saying
that 'cause he's right.
293
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:01,000
Oh, I appreciate that.
294
00:14:01,003 --> 00:14:03,000
Hey, hey, don't forget to have a chat.
295
00:14:03,003 --> 00:14:04,000
Or a Maravix.
296
00:14:04,003 --> 00:14:06,000
Oh, yeah.
297
00:14:06,003 --> 00:14:12,000
Palonzo, you, uh, play basketball?
298
00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:13,000
No.
299
00:14:13,003 --> 00:14:15,000
Are you a jockey?
300
00:14:15,003 --> 00:14:17,000
Whoo!
301
00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:22,000
Step right up and take your
stand You don't have to be timid
302
00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:26,000
Stick your hand right out and
shout Give me some skin, my friend.
303
00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:28,000
Chuck, Chuck, man, I
got a question for you.
304
00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:31,000
And, um, maybe you can
share some light on this.
305
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,000
Ordinary people.
306
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,000
What was that shit all about?
307
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:42,000
Smack it, wack it Let your
hand rotate Show it, know it
308
00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:45,000
Put it in your pocket 'til a future date
309
00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:47,296
So anyway, I was
checking around the
310
00:14:47,308 --> 00:14:50,000
corner of my eye and
she was looking good.
311
00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:53,000
And I said, "Baby, can I knock the
stuffing out of your egg McMuffin?"
312
00:14:53,003 --> 00:14:57,000
And she looked at me and said,
"Nigro, please. You to the curb."
313
00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,000
I was like, "Man!"
314
00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:02,000
White men like I must not appear ignorant.
315
00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:06,000
Eddie, I gotta tell you, man,
this guacamole is really... Deaf.
316
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:13,000
That's my word of the day.
Did I pronounce it right?
317
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,000
Give me some skin, my friend.
318
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:32,000
Come on, man. My arms are breaking.
319
00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:37,000
Oh, oh, yeah. The service
entrance is right down the hall.
320
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:41,000
Fuck you. Could
you... Yeah, I got it.
321
00:15:41,003 --> 00:15:44,000
Hey, what do you say we check
out the new Woody Allen film, huh?
322
00:15:44,003 --> 00:15:47,000
Just you and me, 'cause I kinda thought...
323
00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:51,000
You know, man, I'm sorta going to the
next game with Andre and Alonzo and
324
00:15:51,003 --> 00:15:52,000
some of those guys.
325
00:15:52,003 --> 00:16:00,000
You know, but if you wanna come,
you know, I don't have a problem with it.
326
00:16:00,003 --> 00:16:02,000
Trying to control your enthusiasm.
327
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:06,000
Okay, fine.
Please, please come to the game with us.
328
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:08,000
I don't think so.
329
00:16:08,003 --> 00:16:12,000
Well, why not?
330
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,000
You know, they're okay
guys, you know, but...
331
00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:18,000
To tell the truth, I might
as well tell the truth.
332
00:16:18,003 --> 00:16:22,000
Well, to be honest, I just didn't have
that much fun with them last night.
333
00:16:22,003 --> 00:16:25,000
Oh, why? 'Cause everyone was black?
334
00:16:25,003 --> 00:16:28,000
No. No, no, no, no, no.
335
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,000
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
336
00:16:30,003 --> 00:16:34,000
Actually, yeah.
Yeah, I was just a little... uncomfortable.
337
00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:37,000
What? Uncomfortable? Why?
338
00:16:37,003 --> 00:16:39,000
Were you afraid we were
gonna steal your wallet,
339
00:16:39,003 --> 00:16:42,000
or were you just intimidated by
our extraordinarily large penises?
340
00:16:42,003 --> 00:16:45,000
No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying.
341
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:48,000
Look, you have to admit, when
you're the only white guy in a room full of
342
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:51,000
black people, you know,
you're gonna feel a little... White.
343
00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:52,000
White.
344
00:16:52,003 --> 00:16:53,000
White.
345
00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:54,000
With a capital W.
346
00:16:54,003 --> 00:16:55,000
Out of place.
347
00:16:55,003 --> 00:16:58,000
Hmm, that's very interesting,
because that's the way I feel all the time.
348
00:16:58,003 --> 00:17:01,000
Now you know what it's like for
me to be a black man in this country.
349
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:03,000
What are you talking about?
350
00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:06,000
You're not oppressed. You're Eddie Charles.
351
00:17:06,003 --> 00:17:08,000
Nobody makes you sit
in the back of the bus,
352
00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:11,000
you have a Range Rover, you
get all the best tables in restaurants,
353
00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:12,000
you know, you're a TV star.
354
00:17:12,003 --> 00:17:15,000
You're not like a real black guy.
355
00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:16,000
What the fuck?
356
00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:19,000
Who the hell are you to tell
me that I'm not a real black guy?
357
00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:21,000
What the fuck is a real black guy?
358
00:17:21,003 --> 00:17:25,000
You ain't by a chance referring to
one of us little code boys, are you?
359
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,000
I don't know, I don't know.
360
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:30,000
Guys like Andre, you know,
Rolandzo, or the boys in the hood.
361
00:17:30,003 --> 00:17:31,000
Do you even hear yourself?
362
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:34,000
Look, all I'm saying is I
know you, and this isn't you.
363
00:17:34,003 --> 00:17:36,000
You're trying to be
something that you're not.
364
00:17:36,003 --> 00:17:38,000
I'm trying to get in touch with my roots.
365
00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:42,000
Your roots are in white plains,
your father's a barriodontist, Eddie.
366
00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:43,000
You play golf.
367
00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:44,939
You know, I should
have known better to
368
00:17:44,951 --> 00:17:47,000
expect some white
guy to understand this.
369
00:17:47,003 --> 00:17:48,000
Wait a minute, wait a minute, what is that?
370
00:17:48,003 --> 00:17:51,000
I'm not some white guy, I
happen to be your best friend.
371
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,000
Jesus Christ.
372
00:17:52,003 --> 00:17:54,000
You know, some jerk
says six words to you on TV,
373
00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:57,000
and suddenly you're like,
you're a born-again negro.
374
00:17:57,003 --> 00:18:00,000
I cannot believe you, I've
known you since forever,
375
00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:02,000
and I'm just realizing
you're a fucking racist.
376
00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:03,000
Bullshit!
377
00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:05,000
If anybody around
here is a racist, it's you.
378
00:18:05,003 --> 00:18:08,000
Wrong asshole, I can't
be a racist, I'm black.
379
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,000
Oh really?
380
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:12,000
Well who broke up with whose
girlfriend just because she was white,
381
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:15,000
and who didn't want to invite
whose white friend to whose party?
382
00:18:15,003 --> 00:18:17,000
You know what your problem is,
you liked me better when I was white.
383
00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:19,000
No, no, I liked you
better when you were you.
384
00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:20,000
Oh fuck you.
385
00:18:20,003 --> 00:18:21,000
Oh fuck you too, yo.
386
00:18:21,003 --> 00:18:26,000
There goes your best friend.
387
00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:47,000
Good.
388
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:49,000
Come on, daddy, he's your best
friend, why don't you give him a call?
389
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,000
Why should I? He started it.
390
00:18:51,003 --> 00:18:52,000
Looked at it.
391
00:18:52,003 --> 00:18:55,000
I know this was a big fight, and I
know you're probably hurt right now,
392
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,000
but you're really being an asshole.
393
00:18:57,003 --> 00:19:00,000
Hey, watch your mouth and eat your carrots.
394
00:19:00,003 --> 00:19:02,000
And I am not an asshole.
395
00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:04,000
Have you looked in the mirror lately?
396
00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:12,000
Okay, Home Sweet Home Promo, take seven.
397
00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:17,000
On the next Home Sweet Home,
the Cameroon Rhythm Ensemble
398
00:19:17,003 --> 00:19:22,000
shows us how to make traditional
African drums out of discarded cookware.
399
00:19:22,003 --> 00:19:24,647
They sure do. We'll
see you then as
400
00:19:24,659 --> 00:19:28,000
"Kawanza Week" continues
on Home Sweet Home.
401
00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:30,000
Don't miss it.
402
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,000
And we're clear!
403
00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:45,000
Hey.
404
00:19:45,003 --> 00:19:47,000
Hey.
405
00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:49,000
We're still friends, aren't we?
406
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,000
Sure. Do you want to be?
407
00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:54,000
I want to be.
408
00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:56,000
Look, Eddie. Great promo, everybody.
409
00:19:56,003 --> 00:19:58,000
That's going on my reel.
A lot of up energy.
410
00:19:58,003 --> 00:20:04,000
But, uh, Eddie, about the, uh,
black thing, I love it, of course.
411
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:09,000
I mean, you know I love it, but, uh,
we are... Three ratings points down,
412
00:20:09,003 --> 00:20:13,000
and so I don't think I love it so
much anymore, as a matter of fact.
413
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,000
I hate it, so, uh, lose it, okay?
414
00:20:15,003 --> 00:20:17,000
Oh, what a shame.
415
00:20:17,003 --> 00:20:19,000
Now's your chance to make good.
416
00:20:19,003 --> 00:20:21,000
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
417
00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:24,000
In case you haven't noticed,
Eddie Charles is a black man.
418
00:20:24,003 --> 00:20:27,000
And if you can't handle that, maybe
you better go out and hire Gary Collins.
419
00:20:27,003 --> 00:20:30,000
He's already got his show, schmuck.
420
00:20:30,003 --> 00:20:33,000
Well, that may be, but what
Eddie's doing is important.
421
00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:35,000
No, no, no, no. It's more than important.
422
00:20:35,003 --> 00:20:38,000
It's really important.
And if this man wants to explore his roots
423
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:41,000
and his cultural heritage, no one
is going to stop him from doing it.
424
00:20:41,003 --> 00:20:44,000
Not you, not me, not anybody.
You understand?
425
00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:46,000
White boy? Yeah, thanks, bud.
426
00:20:46,003 --> 00:20:48,000
No, no, no, no, no.
It's the least I can do.
427
00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:51,000
But I'm sort of with Steve here.
428
00:20:51,003 --> 00:20:54,000
Hey, all right.
I knew you'd come to your senses, man.
429
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:56,000
What?
430
00:20:56,003 --> 00:20:59,000
You're gonna sell out 300 years of
oppression for a couple of rating points?
431
00:20:59,003 --> 00:21:01,000
It's three ratings points, mister.
432
00:21:01,003 --> 00:21:03,000
Look, it has nothing
to do with ratings, man.
433
00:21:03,003 --> 00:21:07,000
I've just been doing a lot of thinking
about what you said, and it's true.
434
00:21:07,003 --> 00:21:11,000
I mean, this is not me.
435
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:15,000
I am from White Plains. I like golf.
436
00:21:15,003 --> 00:21:18,000
It's a fun sport.
437
00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:24,000
I just kind of
feel... Excuse us.
438
00:21:24,003 --> 00:21:29,000
I just kind of feel that, you know, I
don't have to change to be black.
439
00:21:29,003 --> 00:21:33,000
I mean, I am black.
I mean, I'm plenty black.
440
00:21:33,003 --> 00:21:36,000
Black is black.
441
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:41,000
I love that song.
The most problem is 1966, right?
442
00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:45,000
Give me some skin, my friend!
443
00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:47,000
Gentlemen, the war is over at last.
444
00:21:47,003 --> 00:21:50,000
But the bottom line is, man, I'm lucky.
I'm a celebrity.
445
00:21:50,003 --> 00:21:52,000
You know, people see me.
They don't see a black guy.
446
00:21:52,003 --> 00:21:56,000
They see Eddie Charles, the
famous, glamorous, handsome TV star.
447
00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:58,000
Don't be so hard on yourself.
448
00:21:58,003 --> 00:22:00,617
No, but really, I
mean, it's just a shame
449
00:22:00,629 --> 00:22:03,000
that not everyone's
as lucky as I am.
450
00:22:03,003 --> 00:22:06,000
I'm with you.
451
00:22:10,003 --> 00:22:13,000
Man, you are my motherfucker.
Thank you, Eddie.
452
00:22:13,003 --> 00:22:16,000
That's a very deaf thing to say.
453
00:22:16,003 --> 00:22:19,000
You want to share a cab?
No, no, I'm walking.
454
00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:21,000
All right, see you. Goodnight, man.
455
00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:27,000
Yo! Yo!
456
00:22:27,003 --> 00:22:32,000
Okay. Hey, yo!
457
00:22:32,003 --> 00:22:34,000
Yo!
458
00:22:34,003 --> 00:22:40,000
Hey, yo, stop! Right here!
459
00:22:40,003 --> 00:22:47,000
Hey!
460
00:22:47,003 --> 00:22:51,000
14th Street, MUA, please.
33987
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