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1
00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:15,570
Are we perhaps flying
a little low?
2
00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:17,870
Like I said,
we're right on course.
3
00:00:17,870 --> 00:00:19,940
I'm not usually so anxious
when I fly.
4
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:22,470
It's just that, you know,
this plane is so small.
5
00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:24,470
I can feel every bump.
6
00:00:24,470 --> 00:00:27,980
Well, Cessna 402
is one of the safest aircraft
in the sky today.
7
00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:29,980
Who told you that,
the salesman?
8
00:00:30,980 --> 00:00:32,480
Frasier,
stop being such a baby.
9
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,480
If we crash and die,
we crash and die.
10
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:37,990
This is a vacation,
for God's sakes.
11
00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:40,490
Look, maybe it's not
my place to say but, uh,
12
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:42,490
if you have
this much trouble
and you have to fly,
13
00:00:42,490 --> 00:00:43,990
you might want
to get some therapy.
14
00:00:44,490 --> 00:00:46,500
You know,
see a psychiatrist
or something.
15
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,500
Sky King
is a psychiatrist.
16
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,000
Yes. Dr. Frasier Crane.
17
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:56,010
Joe Hackett.
18
00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:58,510
So, uh, this your first time
over on Nantucket?
19
00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:01,010
Well, actually, yes.
Sort of a working vacation,
if you will.
20
00:01:01,010 --> 00:01:04,510
I'm conducting
a self-esteem seminar
this weekend.
21
00:01:05,010 --> 00:01:06,020
Okay.
22
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,020
Personally,
I find the whole notion
23
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,020
of pop-psychology seminars
to be appalling.
24
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,020
You've managed
to reduce a complex
25
00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:16,030
psychoanalytic process
to six hours
26
00:01:16,530 --> 00:01:20,030
with a dinner break
and a slogan T-shirt.
27
00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:21,530
I have to disagree,
my love.
28
00:01:21,530 --> 00:01:24,530
Hundreds of people have
received a new lease on life
through my program,
29
00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:28,040
The Crane Train
to Mental Well-Being,
for 350 bucks.
30
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,040
Slogan T-shirt not included.
31
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,540
And so many more
will be enlightened
when the Crane Train video,
32
00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:36,550
which is being taped
this weekend,
goes on sale nation-wide.
33
00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:39,050
Listen, would you pay $19.95
to have your life
34
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,050
completely turned around
for the better?
35
00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:43,050
$19.95?
36
00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:45,050
Well, I might rent it.
37
00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:49,560
I remain opposed.
38
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,060
Sounds like you two
could use a little vacation.
39
00:01:52,060 --> 00:01:54,060
This is our first
extended period
40
00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:56,070
away from our
two-year-old son, Frederic.
41
00:01:56,070 --> 00:01:59,070
I'm afraid my thoughts
are consumed by him.
42
00:01:59,070 --> 00:02:00,570
Darling, why?
43
00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:03,070
Our little man is resting
in the warm and loving bosom
44
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:06,580
of his Danish nanny, Dagmar.
45
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:09,580
While I, on the other hand,
will have your smaller,
porcelain bodice
46
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,080
all to myself.
47
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:15,090
Eyes front, fly-boy.
48
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,660
Attention, boxing fans.
49
00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:24,560
Tomorrow at noon
in the hangar,
50
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,900
we're gonna be watching
the world heavyweight
championship fight
51
00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:29,330
live from Rome.
52
00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:33,300
The challenger,
Vito Pelletari versus Carl,
"The Widowmaker" Pickens!
53
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,340
So you got the giant TV?
54
00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:37,340
Forty-six inch
big-screen TV,
55
00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:38,810
with a picture so real
56
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:40,780
that when the punches
start flying
you'll want to wear a cup.
57
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:42,280
Yes!
58
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,210
I can't wait
for this fight.
59
00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:46,080
Where'd you get the money
for a big-screen TV?
60
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,580
Those things run $3,000.
61
00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:49,490
No, no, no, no. You just
make a small down payment,
62
00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:50,490
you take the TV home,
63
00:02:50,490 --> 00:02:53,490
and then you bring it back
the next day.
64
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,990
Actually you're allowed
to keep it for two days.
65
00:02:55,990 --> 00:02:58,500
And when I keep it for three,
they never hassle me.
66
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,000
Uh, excuse me, Brian,
isn't that illegal?
67
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:06,400
It's only illegal
if we splice into the cable
without paying for it.
68
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,370
Well, I managed to splice
into that cable, Brian.
69
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:13,880
Thank you, Lowell.
70
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,880
That cable TV
is incredible.
71
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:19,380
It can pick up
television stations
from around the world.
72
00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:23,390
Just the other night
I was watching a documentary
on the Japanese channel
73
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:25,890
about this race
of giant tree trimmers.
74
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,390
I saw that Lowell.
75
00:03:29,890 --> 00:03:32,400
It's a gardening show.
Those are bonsai trees.
76
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:37,900
Who cares about the trees?
The people were huge!
77
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,910
So, uh, who does everybody
like in the fight?
78
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:46,910
Oh, I--I--I like Pelletari.
33 wins, 27 by knockout.
79
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:50,410
He's got a sneaky left
and his right jab's
a Gatling gun.
80
00:03:50,910 --> 00:03:52,420
Oh, Fay!
81
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,920
I didn't know you were
a boxing aficionado.
82
00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,920
Well, my first husband fought
Golden Gloves.
83
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,420
I was his corner man.
84
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:02,630
You actually worked
in the ring?
85
00:04:02,630 --> 00:04:06,100
I didn't mind the language
so much, but the spitting...
86
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,000
Pelletari is my hero.
87
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,870
He and I have a lot in common.
We're Italian,
88
00:04:12,870 --> 00:04:14,870
we come from small villages,
89
00:04:14,870 --> 00:04:17,870
and we both had
hard childhoods.
90
00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:21,810
Of course, in a few years,
I'll still be able
to finish a sentence.
91
00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:26,550
Frasier, I'm going to find
a phone and call home.
92
00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:28,550
Darling, we've only been
gone two hours.
93
00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:30,520
Our little Frederic
is probably still napping,
94
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,990
tucked in the pillow
of Dagmar's bosom.
95
00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:37,490
What is this recent obsession
you have with large breasts?
96
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,500
You're an analyst.
You tell me.
97
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:42,970
I'll be right back.
98
00:04:42,970 --> 00:04:44,970
Will you be here
or in the parking lot
99
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,470
ogling the headlights?
100
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,440
Hey, Bro!
101
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,940
Tomorrow in the hangar,
the Pickens-Pelletari fight
on big-screen TV!
102
00:04:53,940 --> 00:04:55,450
Oh, you got
a big-screen TV?
Yeah!
103
00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:59,820
What you gonna do,
take it for one day
and then return it?
104
00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:03,290
Are the store owners
the only people who don't know
about this scam?
105
00:05:03,290 --> 00:05:06,160
Attention, Aeromass,
Flight 9,
106
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,160
service from Providence
and New York,
107
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,660
now arriving
at gate number 1.
108
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:13,630
Oh, I'll bet this is the group
coming over for my seminar.
109
00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:15,630
What kind of seminar?
Low self-esteem.
110
00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:26,040
Yeah, that's uh,
that's my kind of flight.
111
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,550
You lose their luggage,
they think it's their fault.
112
00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:32,920
Frasier, I've just
gotten off the phone
with Dagmar.
113
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:33,920
Frederic is fine.
114
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,420
Amusing story.
115
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,920
The little dickens was running
through the house naked.
116
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,930
Gee, I wonder
why she doesn't do that
when we're home?
117
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:50,930
I was talking
about the child.
118
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,940
Oh! Of course you were.
119
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:57,370
Look dear, it's my group.
120
00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:00,880
Ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
121
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,380
I'd like to welcome all of you
who have come to board
122
00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:05,380
the Crane Train
to Mental Well-Being.
123
00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:06,850
Woo-woo.
124
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:10,320
And as a special bonus,
125
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,820
this particular seminar
is being taped
for the home video market.
126
00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,830
So, just be open, honest,
127
00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:18,830
and try not to
embarrass yourselves.
128
00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:22,330
With any luck,
by the end of the weekend
you will all be changed,
129
00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:25,300
enlightened,
productive people.
130
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,300
(SCREAMING)
131
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,700
Oh, God, it's you!
132
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:31,470
Yes, you, Dr. Crane!
You ruined my life.
133
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:32,780
Me?
134
00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:35,780
Frasier, I didn't know
you had any patients
on this island.
135
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,150
You owe me 350 bucks,
you quack!
136
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,660
I went to your stupid seminar
in New York.
137
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:53,660
I took the Crane Train
straight to hell.
138
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:54,630
There must be
some mistake here.
139
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:56,100
There's obviously
some mistake.
140
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,100
Yeah. The mistake was
believing in you.
141
00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,570
You took advantage of me.
142
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:01,570
I-I'm afraid
I don't remember you.
143
00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:05,070
Of course not.
Her breasts are smaller
than beach balls.
144
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:11,550
Well, I remember you
and your stupid slogan,
145
00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:13,550
"If you can see it,
you can be it."
146
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,750
Oh, what a crock!
147
00:07:15,750 --> 00:07:18,290
He says, "Live the life
of a concert cellist
148
00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:21,290
"and you will become
a concert cellist."
Well, yes, but...
149
00:07:21,290 --> 00:07:24,290
Well, I did.
I got an apartment
that I could not afford.
150
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:25,800
I bought very nice clothes.
151
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,260
I bought season tickets
to Lincoln Center.
152
00:07:28,260 --> 00:07:30,730
And in two months,
before I'd even had
my first audition,
153
00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,570
I was dead broke.
154
00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:34,370
Well, there is
your problem.
155
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,370
You should have moved up
that audition.
156
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,880
I felt so bad about myself,
157
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,880
I wound up slinging suds
at some strip joint.
158
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,380
I want my money back
and I want it now!
159
00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:49,320
I can't do that.
If I did it for you,
160
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,320
I'd have to do it
for hundreds.
It's just policy!
161
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,760
Frasier, if I might make
a suggestion.
162
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,230
I think you should invite
this woman to your seminar.
163
00:07:58,230 --> 00:07:59,200
What?
164
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,200
As a reputable clinician,
you owe it to her
165
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,200
to try and rectify
any damage
you may have created.
166
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,170
Oh, Lilith, please.
167
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:07,600
Now, you know how I feel
about these seminars.
168
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,110
Yes, dear, I know how you feel
about everything.
169
00:08:11,110 --> 00:08:12,580
That not withstanding,
170
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:15,080
if you can turn
this non-believer around,
171
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,580
you will have proven that
your psychological program
172
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,080
is on a slightly higher plane
173
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,080
than Richard Simmons'
Sweatin' To The Oldies.
174
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:27,060
All right.
Against my better judgment,
175
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,530
which has been clouded
by five years of marriage,
176
00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:34,030
I will invite this woman
to partake, gratis,
in my seminar,
177
00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,500
if only to give you
an opportunity
178
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,500
to listen
a little more closely
this time!
179
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,000
Fat chance.
I want my money back.
180
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:41,970
I can't do that.
181
00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:44,440
Well, you're gonna have to.
Doctor, Helen, uh,
182
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,940
if I may?
183
00:08:45,940 --> 00:08:48,410
I know I'm just a cab driver,
184
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:51,920
but, uh, I--I believe I have
something important to say.
185
00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:54,920
If anyone needs a taxi,
I'm parked right outside.
186
00:08:58,650 --> 00:09:01,660
You have
your self-help program,
I have mine.
187
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:05,160
This man ruined me.
He ruined me.
188
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,130
WOMAN: What?
All right.
Let's talk about this.
189
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,630
All right, I don't normally
do it, but in this case,
I will negotiate with you.
190
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:14,100
If you come to the seminar
and you're not completely
satisfied, I will refund
191
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,040
half your money.
192
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,040
Full refund, if my life
is not somehow better
or more fulfilled by going.
193
00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,510
Half is a very
generous offer.
Full.
194
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:22,510
Half.
Full!
195
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:25,010
Half.
Full!
196
00:09:25,010 --> 00:09:28,020
Listen, sister, you can't put
a price on mental health!
Half, take it or leave it!
197
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,020
All right, I'll do it.
198
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,020
But for one reason.
To prove to
these innocent dupes
199
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,020
that you're nothing
but a big fraud.
200
00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:37,530
And then everybody's gonna
want their money back.
201
00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:38,990
Yes, well...
202
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,000
Don't be late!
203
00:09:49,270 --> 00:09:51,940
ANNOUNCER ON TV: Now that
we've had the introductions,
the fighters are getting
204
00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:54,480
their last minute instructions
from the referee.
205
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,810
MAN: All right! Yeah!
206
00:09:55,810 --> 00:09:58,810
Oh, dear Lord,
I do not ask for much,
207
00:09:58,810 --> 00:10:00,320
world peace,
208
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,320
the love of a good woman
and many children,
209
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,820
but more important
at this moment,
210
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:11,830
let Vito Pelletari
knock the holy crap
out of this palooka! Amen.
211
00:10:11,830 --> 00:10:13,830
Boy, this big-screen TV
really is something.
212
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,830
Huh. What will the Japanese
think of next?
213
00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:20,340
What makes you think
the Japanese invented
big-screen TV?
214
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:23,340
I don't. It was just
an idle question.
215
00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,280
I don't like the way
Pickens looks.
216
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,280
What is it, Fay?
Does he look sluggish?
217
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,150
Or is he carrying
too much weight? What?
218
00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:33,350
No, I just don't find him
all that attractive.
219
00:10:33,350 --> 00:10:35,690
ANNOUNCER:
Pelletari and Pickens
touch gloves,
220
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,320
return to their corners,
and we're ready
for the opening bell.
221
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,660
Brian, the glare
from the skylight is making it
a little hard to see.
222
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:44,460
Can you move it
or something?
BRIAN: No problem.
223
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,960
That's why I've got this baby
on a motor.
224
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,530
I can move it
anywhere I want.
225
00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:49,030
(ALL CLAMORING)
226
00:10:49,030 --> 00:10:51,000
Brian, it's unplugged.
227
00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:54,940
JOE: Good one, Brian.
228
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:59,510
ANNOUNCER: And it's over!
In only six seconds!
This is unbelievable!
229
00:10:59,510 --> 00:11:04,480
Pelletari, with one punch,
has knocked out Carl Pickens!
230
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,980
We have
a new world champion!
231
00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:08,480
We missed it!
232
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,490
(ALL GROANING)
233
00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:13,460
The greatest moment
in Italian history
since they hung Mussolini
234
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:15,960
at the gas station,
and I missed it!
235
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,460
Oh!
236
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:19,960
That's that, man.
237
00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:22,460
JOE: Hey, wait a minute.
Don't they have a replay?
238
00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:23,970
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
239
00:11:25,940 --> 00:11:28,370
Well, I can't... Watch out!
240
00:11:28,370 --> 00:11:29,870
(ALL SHOUTING)
I can't stop it!
241
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:43,890
Great. Now we missed
the replay, too.
242
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,860
You know, Brian.
I usually consider myself
pretty handy.
243
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,860
But, uh...
244
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:55,360
Oh, you understand.
245
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,870
Damn!
I still want to see a fight.
I want to see a fight!
246
00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:59,870
I want to see some blood.
I want to see some pain.
247
00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:02,370
I want to see someone
get their face bashed in.
248
00:12:02,370 --> 00:12:06,880
Go with Brian when he tries
to return this TV.
249
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,880
Well, if there's not going to
be a fight, I guess I'll go
over to that seminar,
250
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,380
and check it out,
see how Helen's doing.
251
00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:16,390
Helen and that shrink!
Yeah, that could get ugly.
252
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:19,360
He looks like a bleeder
and she fights dirty.
Let's go.
253
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:31,070
I'd like to extend
a warm welcome to all of you,
254
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,940
for what I believe will be
a life-changing
psychological epiphany.
255
00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:36,810
(LAUGHING)
And now...
256
00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:41,310
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
257
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:42,810
All aboard!
258
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:45,820
The Crane Train
To Mental Well-Being.
259
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:48,280
Now this train runs
on a very simple principle.
260
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,720
"If you can see it,
261
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,720
"you can be it!"
262
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,720
See it! Be it!
263
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,720
See it! Be it!
264
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,730
See it! Be it! See it! Be it!
265
00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:59,190
Help me people!
We're leaving the station!
266
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,130
See it! Be it!
See it! Be it!
267
00:13:01,630 --> 00:13:03,130
ALL: See it! Be it!
See it! Be it! See it! Be it!
268
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:06,100
Oh, yeah. We've come
to the right place,
all right.
269
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,100
See it! Be it!
And what does all this mean?
270
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,610
Is it just some slogan
on a T-shirt?
271
00:13:10,610 --> 00:13:15,610
Which, by the way,
are available in the lobby
for $12.95 plus tax. Hardly.
272
00:13:15,610 --> 00:13:19,620
It's a way to a brand new,
rich, fulfilling life.
273
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:23,120
And the beauty of this program
is that you are responsible
for your own success.
274
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,650
You can do it yourself!
LOWELL: Excuse me.
275
00:13:25,650 --> 00:13:28,090
I'm a little new
to the psychology game.
276
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,090
But, uh, is it just
the T-shirts,
277
00:13:30,090 --> 00:13:32,600
or are you selling the hats
and whistles, too?
278
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,070
Just the shirts.
279
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,570
You need a degree
to blow the whistle.
280
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,040
Now I want you all to take out
a piece of paper
281
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,040
and I want you
to write down
282
00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:47,040
what you want out of life.
283
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,510
I want my money back.
284
00:13:48,510 --> 00:13:50,480
Then I want you to write
285
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,480
what your life will be like
when you achieve that.
286
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,820
I'll have my money back.
287
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,320
Just write it down,
all right?
288
00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:58,820
Now, look at
what you've written
289
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,320
and let me ask you a question.
290
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,330
What is stopping you
from achieving those goals?
291
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:09,160
You are.
You've got all my money.
292
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:12,400
You know
it is permissible to have
an unexpressed thought.
293
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:16,670
Please, Lilith,
I don't need you to defend me.
294
00:14:16,670 --> 00:14:19,680
Frasier, you're wearing
an engineer's hat
and blowing a train whistle.
295
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,110
You need all the help
you can get.
296
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:25,620
I don't know about
the rest of you,
but so far, I'm not impressed.
297
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,620
Well, let's just dispense
with you right now, missy.
298
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:32,620
Sit right down here
and let's get
to the bottom of this.
299
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,120
Everyone, I'd like you to meet
Helen Chapel.
300
00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:36,990
She's a sweet,
well-meaning girl
301
00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:39,460
from around these parts,
who was, unfortunately,
302
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:42,460
derailed in New York.
303
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,970
Let's just take a few minutes
from our agenda
304
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,870
and see if we can get her back
on track, shall we?
305
00:14:49,770 --> 00:14:51,770
So by the time I came back
to Nantucket,
306
00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:55,710
I had no direction, no life,
307
00:14:55,710 --> 00:14:57,650
and worst of all,
no pride in myself.
308
00:14:57,650 --> 00:14:59,050
I was shattered.
309
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:03,020
But you still make the best
darned French fries
on the island.
310
00:15:04,950 --> 00:15:06,490
Thanks, Lowell.
311
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,420
Not really,
but she needed that.
312
00:15:11,430 --> 00:15:14,930
And you feel that none of this
was your fault?
Your responsibility?
313
00:15:14,930 --> 00:15:17,430
No. I just
followed your advice.
314
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:20,940
Simple child.
315
00:15:20,940 --> 00:15:24,870
Helen, I didn't tell you
to go to New York.
316
00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:26,880
Did I?
317
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,380
I mean, if it was
so overwhelming for you,
why did you go there
318
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:30,380
in the first place?
I mean, didn't you know
what that place is like?
319
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,350
Didn't you ever see
Midnight Cowboy?
320
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,350
Well, my life
was going nowhere.
321
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,390
I had just left Joe,
322
00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:40,320
and I decided to pursue
the thing that meant
the most to me, the cello.
323
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,320
You know, all the great...
Wait! Go back a minute!
324
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,760
You broke up with a man?
325
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,730
Well, things weren't going
so well, so, I just...
326
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:50,130
There was an
unresolved relationship!
327
00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:51,130
Passengers!
328
00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:54,100
This is what we call
a breakthrough!
329
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,040
Helen,
didn't it ever occur to you
that all of your problems
330
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,040
may have been caused
by this break-up with this...
331
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,010
What's his name? Uh, Joe.
332
00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:03,510
Well, yeah. Maybe.
There are no maybes
about it!
333
00:16:03,950 --> 00:16:06,450
I wasn't responsible.
You weren't responsible.
334
00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:08,450
It was Joe's fault!
335
00:16:10,450 --> 00:16:11,890
Hey, wait a minute.
336
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,320
You know, breaking up with Joe
was probably the most
traumatic thing
337
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:15,820
that had ever happened to me.
338
00:16:15,820 --> 00:16:17,790
That was not my fault!
339
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:19,730
You're Joe?
Uh-huh.
340
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:23,230
People, there is a life
outside that airport.
341
00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:24,630
Helen, I am not going to
let you blame me
342
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:26,640
for what happened to you
in New York.
343
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,570
And I don't like the idea
of you sticking your big nose
in everyone's business.
344
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:31,070
Hit him, Joe! Hit him!
345
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,080
Perhaps, you'd like to tell us
a little bit about your life.
346
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,580
No. I'm not gonna tell you
anything about my life.
347
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,580
I'm not gonna tell you
anything at all.
348
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:46,520
My life was fine.
It was great.
349
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:51,030
I had my own airline, my own
filing system which...
350
00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:56,500
Okay, other people
don't understand, but I do,
and it works for me.
351
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,870
The problems started
when, after not hearing
from my brother for six years,
352
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:02,870
he comes back, moves in
and shakes up
my entire existence.
353
00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,810
There was a little
sibling conflict, you say?
354
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:10,750
Ah, let's not go past
this tasty little morsel.
355
00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:15,250
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
You're not gonna blame
all your problems on me.
356
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:18,250
Ha! The brother!
357
00:17:18,690 --> 00:17:21,190
I mean, I don't need this.
I've got a big-screen TV
to pay for.
358
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:24,160
Yeah. 'cause you always
have to be Mr. Bigshot.
Good, good, go with that.
359
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,130
Well, uh, excuse me, but,
uh, it's a little tough being
the brother of the Pope.
360
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,100
Oh, here comes the Pope.
361
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,570
Don't call me the Pope!
I hate it when you call me
the Pope!
362
00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:35,570
That's 'cause
you are the Pope!
363
00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:40,580
Mr. Holier Than Thou,
looking down at everybody
from your Pope perch!
364
00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:42,580
Yeah. You know what--what?
Maybe I am the Pope.
365
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,080
Because only the Pope
would take you in after--
after you ran off with Carol.
366
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:49,550
Oh! You're not gonna
dredge up that old evergreen
again, are you?
367
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:51,050
(ALL ARGUING)
Who's Carol?
368
00:17:51,050 --> 00:17:55,060
Carol is Joe's ex-fiancee
and Brian's ex-wife.
369
00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,560
Oh, yeah.
370
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,560
Let's get ready to rumble.
371
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,560
Joe, it's Carol.
372
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,070
You never got over Carol.
How could anybody else
have a chance with you
373
00:18:04,070 --> 00:18:06,040
when you're still not over
Carol?
BRIAN: This is true.
374
00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:08,040
Hey, wait. Hey, how can
anyone have a chance with you
375
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,440
when you run off
to New York the first time
things don't go your way?
376
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,410
Oh, shut your fat face.
377
00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:14,410
This is good stuff all,
but if you could just...
Excuse me, butt out.
378
00:18:14,410 --> 00:18:15,910
Hey, that's my train hat!
379
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,910
Just a second... Hey!
380
00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:20,420
You know what steams me?
I don't care.
381
00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,920
No, I'm gonna tell you
what steams me.
I don't care.
382
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,420
No, no, no.
This--This--This
"I took you in" garbage.
383
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:25,420
Like you're doing me
a big favor.
384
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,890
Excuse me. You know,
Joe and I were talking.
385
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:30,890
You know,
that's like you, Brian.
Always just into yourself.
386
00:18:30,890 --> 00:18:33,360
Self absorbed.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like we haven't heard you tell
387
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:36,870
the wonderful story about
how you'd be a great cellist
and not a waitress
388
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:38,870
five billion times.
Oh, Brian.
389
00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:41,370
Joe! Helen! The brother.
Please!
390
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,870
I've got an agenda here
and, uh...
391
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:45,810
Lilith! What are you doing?
HELEN: Fine.
392
00:18:45,810 --> 00:18:49,310
Making preliminary notes
for an article
which just occurred to me
393
00:18:49,310 --> 00:18:53,320
about how promoting
populist psycho-babble
can ruin a man's career.
394
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:57,220
I'm just sick of you!
Well, I'm sick of you.
395
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,720
Well, I'm sick
of the both of you!
396
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,720
Please, uh, everyone.
Please--Please stop.
397
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,230
(ALL CLAMORING)
398
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:07,230
You... You people
are crazy! Crazy!
399
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:11,230
I can't work like this!
400
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:14,240
I came here to have
a nice weekend.
401
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,170
To share a few ideas.
A couple of pithy slogans!
402
00:19:17,170 --> 00:19:19,680
I mean, what do you expect
for 350 bucks?
403
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,680
Do you know what's the matter
with you people?
404
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,650
You expect quick fixes.
Easy answers.
Well, there aren't any!
405
00:19:25,650 --> 00:19:27,150
Except one!
406
00:19:27,150 --> 00:19:29,150
You people, need to get away
from each other
407
00:19:29,150 --> 00:19:31,590
and get competent help!
408
00:19:39,030 --> 00:19:41,030
Is that camera running?
409
00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,970
Oh, I hope so.
I missed some of
the early stuff.
410
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:47,470
(ALL CLAMORING)
411
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:50,470
WOMAN: I want my money back!
412
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:51,470
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
413
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:54,980
All right!
Ladies and gentlemen,
414
00:19:54,980 --> 00:19:57,980
you will all receive
full refunds.
415
00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,980
And thank you very much
for coming.
416
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,420
(ALL CHATTERING)
417
00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:14,860
Excuse me, Dr. Crane.
418
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:18,730
You don't have to give me back
my money. I feel great.
419
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:21,740
I think I feel better
than I have in years.
420
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,240
I--I think I just needed
that emotional release.
421
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,710
You know something?
422
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:28,210
You're pretty good.
423
00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:33,720
I can't tell you
what that means to me.
424
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,720
Frasier, let's leave here
and continue our vacation.
425
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:40,760
Oh, Lilith.
Don't look at me that way.
This was not my fault.
426
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,690
If my look is accusatory,
it's strictly habit.
427
00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:45,160
Let's go, dear.
428
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:49,160
Well, it wasn't my fault!
429
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,100
You know, I think
I'm on to something there,
Lilith.
430
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:57,040
"Don't blame yourself.
It's the other guy's fault!"
431
00:20:57,510 --> 00:20:59,480
Come, Frasier.
"It's the other guys fault."
432
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:01,480
Well, I don't know about
the psychological foundations,
433
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,980
but I could sure see it,
on a T-shirt.
434
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:08,480
Look, Brian, uh,
435
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:09,990
I'm sorry.
I said some things...
436
00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:11,990
Forget it. We all
said some things.
437
00:21:11,990 --> 00:21:14,460
You know, it's okay.
We just had a big
spring cleaning.
438
00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:17,460
We got rid of a lot of stuff
that's been hanging around
for years.
439
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,960
Yeah, boy, that's the truth.
Come on.
I'll buy us all dinner.
440
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Great. A-A-And maybe
by the time we're finished
eating, uh,
441
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,970
the police will have found
those vandals, huh?
442
00:21:24,970 --> 00:21:26,470
Vandals?
What vandals?
443
00:21:26,470 --> 00:21:30,470
The ones that broke into
the hangar and smashed
the big-screen TV.
444
00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:34,980
Joe, Joe! If you want to see
a championship fight,
there's still a chance.
445
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:36,410
What are you talking about?
446
00:21:36,410 --> 00:21:38,410
I was just showing
Dr. Crane and his wife
to my cab.
447
00:21:38,410 --> 00:21:40,920
I said, "Where to?" He said,
"Home to Dagmar."
448
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:43,420
And the lady
bloodied his nose
with the train whistle.
449
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,860
Five bucks on Morticia.
She's scrawny but she's quick.
36155
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