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1
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,420
Okay, so the hooker
says to the gynecologist,
2
00:00:04,420 --> 00:00:06,920
"My hourly rate might
be higher, but at least..."
3
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,430
Uh, hi, Fay. Hi, Fay.
4
00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:11,430
Hi. What are you
fellows doing?
5
00:00:11,430 --> 00:00:13,430
Brian was just
telling a joke.
BRIAN: Yeah.
6
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,430
Oh, really?
I love jokes. Go on.
7
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:18,430
No, I don't want to.
It's not really,
you know...
8
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,440
Oh, no, don't be silly.
Go on!
9
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,440
But I--I don't
remember it.
10
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,940
Oh, sure you do, Brian.
11
00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:27,440
The hooker says
to the gynecologist,
12
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,950
"My hourly rates
might be higher but..."
13
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,450
"But that's
the way it goes."
14
00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:36,950
"That's the way
it goes."
15
00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:37,950
Funny.
16
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,460
(FORCED LAUGHTER)
17
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,960
Gee, it was much funnier
the way I heard it.
18
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,470
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
19
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:54,970
(ENGINE REVVING)
20
00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:08,140
Fay, I just got off the phone
with the tower.
We're still grounded.
21
00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:11,650
They're not letting anyone in
and out. I think you'd better
make that announcement.
22
00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:14,650
Uh, attention,
Sandpiper passengers,
23
00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:17,650
the fog is still thick
as pea soup out there.
24
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:20,660
Although I find this weather
romantic, our pilots tell me
25
00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:25,160
that it makes an unplanned
water landing almost
a sure thing. So...
26
00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:31,170
All flights are
postponed indefinitely.
27
00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:34,800
Excuse me, but our
flight's been postponed
five times already.
28
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,570
Are we gonna get out
of here today or not?
29
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,640
It's not looking good.
I think you should check
into a hotel.
30
00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:41,650
Let us know where you're
staying and we'll call you
if there's any change.
31
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,150
Here, let me get you a cab.
Antonio.
32
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:44,650
Can you give these people
a ride, please?
33
00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:49,650
Oh, this is so sad.
All day long,
you poor people,
34
00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:54,160
paying me so much money
in cab fare,
going back and forth,
35
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:59,160
back and forth,
to the hotel, to the airport,
the hotel, the airport.
36
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,160
I love this fog.
37
00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:05,400
No, uh, Lowell,
I don't want to.
38
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,400
Come on!
39
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,410
No, but it's--
it's utter fantasy
and it's pure speculation.
40
00:03:10,410 --> 00:03:13,410
I'm just saying "if," Brian.
I'm just saying "if."
41
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,910
(SIGHING)
42
00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:19,420
All right, all right.
If the dinosaurs
were alive today,
43
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:22,920
yes, I believe a brontosaurus
could eat your boat
in one bite.
44
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,420
Ha! Ha!
45
00:03:26,420 --> 00:03:30,930
It was a trick question.
Everybody knows a brontosaurus
was a plant-eater.
46
00:03:31,430 --> 00:03:34,930
So, chew on that one,
college boy.
47
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,640
Helen, that was delicious.
48
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:43,740
Mmm.
49
00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:45,810
(LICKING HIS CHOPS)
50
00:03:50,510 --> 00:03:52,580
Roy, do you have to do that
after every meal?
51
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:56,550
Well, I'm sorry, Helen.
I've got something stuck
back there.
52
00:03:56,550 --> 00:03:58,050
Ah. There she goes.
53
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,430
Ah. Pork.
54
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,200
Roy, you just had
a tuna fish sandwich.
Pork was yesterday's special.
55
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:14,770
Your point being?
56
00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:19,480
Any word from the tower?
57
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,480
No, we're grounded
indefinitely.
58
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,480
Yes! I'm out of here.
Joe, I'll see you at home.
59
00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,480
Brian, Brian, wait,
you can't leave.
60
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:28,990
I've flown my maximum hours.
If this fog clears, you've
got to take the next flight.
61
00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:32,490
You don't understand,
see, there's this girl...
62
00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:35,490
Tell me something,
why do all your stories
start like that?
63
00:04:35,490 --> 00:04:39,500
Well, the Brothers Grimm
had "Once upon a time,"
I have "There's this girl."
64
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,500
Who do you think was
happier at bedtime, huh?
65
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,000
Anyway, there's this girl
66
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,500
and I-- She's...
Hold it. It doesn't matter.
67
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,510
It doesn't matter,
you've gotta stick it out here
68
00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:51,010
(GROANING)
like the rest of us.
69
00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:53,510
Great, nothing worse
than being fogged in
at a deserted airport.
70
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,850
I hate this weather.
It's so depressing.
71
00:04:56,850 --> 00:05:00,850
Well, I think I know
just the thing to turn those
frowns upside down.
72
00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:03,350
Oh, no, Fay...
No...
73
00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:06,860
I think it's time for
Fay's Foggy Day Fun Box.
74
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,360
Oh, Fay, every time
there's fog,
75
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,360
you drag that
silly box out.
76
00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:17,870
Fay, I don't want to play
any games. I don't want to
do any puzzles.
77
00:05:17,870 --> 00:05:20,870
I don't want to make
a pencil holder out of
an orange juice can.
78
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:24,370
Would you give us a little
credit here? I mean, we're all
intelligent, well-read people.
79
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:27,380
Can't we just sit down
and have a normal,
civilized conversation?
80
00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:29,950
Joe, smell the
bottom of my shoe.
81
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:35,450
Dibs on Mr. Potato Head.
82
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,960
LOWELL: Uh, dots?
83
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,960
Uh, dotty?
84
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,470
Hello, Dotty.
85
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:54,470
Uh, I got it, Dot Man!
86
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:56,470
No!
87
00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:57,470
Time's up.
88
00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:59,480
Oh! Looks like we won, Roy!
Mmm.
89
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,980
Dot Man?
90
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,480
Dot Man?
What were you thinking?
91
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,480
I was thinking, Dot Man.
92
00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:12,990
Snowman!
Snow, man. Snowman!
93
00:06:14,990 --> 00:06:17,490
Well, why didn't you
just do this?
94
00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:35,510
That's another way to go.
95
00:06:35,510 --> 00:06:38,510
JOE: All right, all right,
the plane that flies the
farthest gets ten points.
96
00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:42,020
Five points for any
acrobatic feats. Three points
for a perfect landing.
97
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,020
Now, anything that goes
behind Roy's counter
98
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,020
or to the left of the
passenger waiting area
is out of bounds.
99
00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:48,020
In the event of a tie,
we'll have a fly-off...
100
00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:51,530
Joe, you're sucking
the fun out of this game.
101
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:57,530
This is a game?
I thought I'd died and gone
to the boring part of hell.
102
00:06:57,530 --> 00:07:00,040
All right, okay, fine.
Let's just go. I'll go first.
103
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,040
Look out, here.
Ready? Here we go.
104
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,540
Hold it. Do-over.
Get out, a do-over!
105
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,540
What are you
talking about, do-over?
106
00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:08,540
Yeah, well, normally there
wouldn't be a do-over,
107
00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:11,050
but you didn't let me
get to that rule, so...
No, forget it!
108
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:13,550
No, forget it! My turn.
Go ahead.
109
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,550
Do-over.
110
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,560
It's a do-over.
No do-overs.
111
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,060
Orville and Wilbur,
no do-overs. It's my turn.
112
00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:37,570
Italian design.
113
00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:46,580
Fay, no, uh, I think we've
squeezed enough fun out of the
Foggy Day Fun Box.
114
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:47,580
Oh! Not so fast.
115
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:51,590
We still have
Chinese checkers,
Etch-a-Sketch...
116
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:55,590
(GASPING)
Wildlife sticker books.
117
00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:58,590
Brian, Brian, Brian!
Why don't you do that thing
that you do at parties?
118
00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:01,100
You know, the hypnosis thing?
Something, anything. Let's go.
Right.
119
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,600
You know how to
hypnotize people?
120
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:05,600
Yeah, it's one of the few
things I picked up
in the Caribbean
121
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,110
that I didn't have
to take penicillin for.
122
00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:10,610
Madam, may I borrow
your pendant?
Yes.
123
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:13,110
This is such a crock.
You don't know how
to hypnotize people.
124
00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:15,110
He doesn't know
how to hypnotize people.
Oh, yeah?
125
00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:18,110
Well, why don't you just put
your money where your big
mouth is? Or are you chicken?
126
00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:21,120
All right, fine, Kreskin.
You go ahead,
take your best shot.
127
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,120
Now, mind you,
I've only used this on women,
128
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,620
so if Joe starts
coming on to me,
don't be alarmed.
129
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:32,130
Now, Joe, I just want you
to follow the pendant,
back and forth,
130
00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,130
back and forth,
back and forth...
131
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:35,630
Ooh, I'm getting sleepy.
132
00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:38,630
Shut up.
Back and forth,
back and forth...
133
00:08:38,630 --> 00:08:41,140
Okay, now, Joe, I'm going
to take you out of the spell.
134
00:08:41,140 --> 00:08:43,640
When I clap my hands,
you'll wake up
and remember nothing,
135
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,640
yet still cluck
like a chicken
136
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,150
every time you
hear the word, "tortilla."
137
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,150
You see, I told you
it wouldn't work.
138
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:53,650
(CLUCKING)
Tortilla.
139
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,160
What? What's so funny?
140
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,160
Me next. Me next.
Do me.
141
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,160
Sit down, Lowell.
142
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:11,170
JOE:
Is he under?
143
00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:14,670
It's hard to tell.
He always has that look
on his face.
144
00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:20,180
Now, what should we have
Mr. Mather do for us?
145
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,680
Rotate my tires.
146
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,180
What's funny about that?
147
00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:28,180
Nothing. It's just time
to have them rotated.
148
00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:31,690
I know. I know.
Get him to tell us
his deepest, darkest secret.
149
00:09:31,690 --> 00:09:34,690
You can't get people
to do things
against their will.
150
00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,690
Yeah, you're probably right.
Tortilla.
151
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:37,690
(CLUCKING)
152
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,700
Lowell,
153
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:48,200
tell us your deepest,
most darkest secret.
154
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:51,710
Once, when I was
out of underwear...
155
00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,710
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
HELEN:
Oh, God! Please!
156
00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:56,210
Ask him something else!
Okay. Okay.
157
00:09:56,210 --> 00:10:00,220
Lowell, what is
your fondest memory?
158
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:02,220
Once, when I was
out of underwear...
159
00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:04,220
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
160
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:07,820
I think we've had
about enough fun with Lowell.
161
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:09,330
Yes, I think you're right.
162
00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:13,830
Okay, Lowell, when I
clap my hands you will wake up
and remember nothing.
163
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,330
Me next. Me next.
Do me.
164
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:18,840
I'm sorry, Lowell, you'll just
have to wait your turn.
165
00:10:18,830 --> 00:10:21,840
Okay, who's next?
Up, step right up.
Helen, what about you?
166
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,340
Oh, no, no, no.
Now, don't waste
your time, Brian.
167
00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,340
Remember last New Year's Eve?
168
00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:28,340
You tried to put me under
so I would do something
stupid and humiliating?
169
00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:29,850
And it didn't work.
170
00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:32,850
Okay, Juanita,
the Mexican Jumping Bean,
passes.
171
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,520
So, who's next?
172
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,520
Roy, come on.
173
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,520
Now, come on.
Okay, go ahead, Hackett.
Go ahead.
174
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:43,530
Give me your best shot.
But I've got to warn you,
175
00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:46,030
you can swing that thing
till you got arthritis,
176
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:50,030
nobody can make a Biggins
do what he doesn't want to do.
177
00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:52,540
My bones denounce
the buckboard bounce
178
00:10:52,540 --> 00:10:54,540
And the cactus
hurts my toes
179
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:58,540
Let's vamoose where girls
keep wearing those silks and
satins and linens it shows
180
00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:03,050
And I'm all yours
in buttons and bows
181
00:11:08,550 --> 00:11:11,050
Brian, is Roy
going to remember doing that?
182
00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:12,560
No, not if I don't
want him to.
183
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,560
Can you make me forget?
184
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,060
Hey, Brian, since Roy
was so anxious to hear
185
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,560
everybody else's deepest
and darkest secrets,
186
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:22,570
let's find out his.
187
00:11:22,570 --> 00:11:23,570
Okay.
Oh, please don't.
188
00:11:23,570 --> 00:11:25,570
I'm disgusted enough
by what he admits.
189
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,570
Come on, come on, how often
do we have him at our mercy?
190
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,070
Yeah.
All right. All right.
191
00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:33,080
Okay, Roy...
192
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:37,080
Roy, tell us your deepest
and darkest secret.
193
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,080
I once did a bad thing.
194
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,080
Hmm. Sounds promising.
What kind of bad thing?
195
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:46,090
Wrong, evil, money.
196
00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:49,090
Money? What money?
197
00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:53,100
I stole $250,000.
198
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,100
What?
199
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:58,100
You stole $250,000?
200
00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,100
Man. That's a lot
of tortillas.
201
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,600
(CLUCKING)
202
00:12:12,550 --> 00:12:16,050
$250,000, Roy?
203
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:20,060
You stole $250,000?
204
00:12:20,060 --> 00:12:22,060
Helen, stop!
What are you doing?
205
00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:26,060
He's got $250,000
and he's still
stiffing me on tips!
206
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:28,560
Roy, who did you
steal it from?
207
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,570
I'm pretty sure
it wasn't from me.
208
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:40,080
I went for Sunday dinner
to my favorite restaurant,
209
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,580
Ollie Anderson's
Little Taste of Oslo.
210
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,580
All you can eat for $5.
211
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,080
So, what happened?
212
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,590
I can't believe what I did.
I can't believe what I did!
213
00:12:50,590 --> 00:12:52,090
What?
214
00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:55,590
I filled up
on salad and bread.
215
00:12:55,590 --> 00:12:58,090
The money, Roy.
What about the money?
Oh.
216
00:12:58,090 --> 00:13:03,100
I dropped a meatball and when
I reached down I found
a briefcase full of cash.
217
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,100
I can't believe what I did.
218
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:07,600
Oh, don't tell me you
ate the meatball.
219
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,610
No. I kept the money.
220
00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:13,610
What happened
to the meatball?
221
00:13:16,110 --> 00:13:18,610
He became a mechanic
at the airport.
222
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,620
Did you ever find out
whose money it was?
223
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,120
I read in the newspaper
about some old geezer
224
00:13:27,620 --> 00:13:29,630
who kept his life savings
in a briefcase and left it
225
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:32,630
in a Norwegian restaurant.
226
00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:36,130
It could have been him,
but why jump to conclusions?
227
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:38,630
I remember reading
about that poor man.
228
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:42,140
Hey, Roy, Roy,
where is the money now?
229
00:13:42,140 --> 00:13:44,140
I buried it in my backyard.
230
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:47,140
That means
he's still got it.
231
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:50,650
HELEN:
Roy, did you spend
any of the $250,000?
232
00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:53,150
Oh, I bought
a couple of suits.
233
00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:55,650
Okay, he's got all but $75.
234
00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:00,660
Make him tell
where he buried it.
235
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:04,160
All right, right, right.
Roy, where exactly
did you bury the money?
236
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:09,670
Six paces straight back
from the southwest corner
of my house.
237
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:11,670
But I'm gonna
dig it up tomorrow.
238
00:14:11,670 --> 00:14:13,670
The neighbors
are getting nosey.
239
00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:17,670
What do we do?
240
00:14:17,670 --> 00:14:19,680
Let's just wake him up and
get him out of here. Then we
can figure something out.
241
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:21,180
(PHONE RINGING)
BRIAN: All right. All right.
242
00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:26,180
Okay listen, Roy, Roy,
when I clap my hands,
you will wake up
243
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:27,680
and not remember a thing.
244
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:32,190
What are you people
looking at?
245
00:14:32,190 --> 00:14:35,190
Oh, nothing, Roy. You were
right. You're one tough cookie
to hypnotize, Roy.
246
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:39,190
Well, I'm sorry
to kill your fun, Hackett.
But I warned you.
247
00:14:39,190 --> 00:14:42,200
Okay, that's it.
The weather service says
the fog isn't lifting.
248
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,700
We're closed for the night.
249
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:47,200
That's all I needed to hear.
I'm off to Ollie Anderson's.
250
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,710
For some reason I have
a taste for sardine loaf.
251
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:54,210
Hmm.
You think you know somebody.
252
00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:58,210
Yeah, all these years,
who knew he liked
Norwegian food?
253
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:04,090
So what are we going to do?
254
00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:05,650
Perhaps we should
call the police.
255
00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:07,160
Yeah, right. And what
are we going to tell them?
256
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,160
That under hypnosis,
Roy confessed
to a major crime,
257
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,660
right after singing
a medley of show tunes?
258
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:15,660
Well, look, this poor old guy
lost his life savings.
259
00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,670
We have to do
something for him.
260
00:15:17,670 --> 00:15:20,170
What do you suggest?
261
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,170
We go to Roy's house,
dig up his yard and give
the guy back his money?
262
00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:25,680
Well, I was going to suggest
a bake sale, but...
263
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:27,680
Well, if we're gonna do it,
let's do it now.
264
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,680
'Cause you heard him.
He's gonna dig up
the money tomorrow.
265
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,680
Wait, you really want
to do this? You want to
dig up Roy's yard?
266
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,680
Well, you got
a better idea?
267
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,190
Yeah, we sit Roy down
and reason with him.
268
00:15:37,690 --> 00:15:40,490
I'm sure he'll see the error
of his ways and he'll give
the guy back the money.
269
00:15:44,090 --> 00:15:46,090
I've got some shovels
in my trunk.
270
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,600
(DOG BARKING)
271
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,600
All right. All right.
272
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,610
This is the south--southwest
corner. I'll just start
pacing it from here. Okay?
273
00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:59,110
One, two...
Wait that's not a pace,
that's a stride.
274
00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:00,610
A pace is much
shorter than that.
275
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:03,610
You must also
take into account
they are Roy's legs.
276
00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:07,120
Roy's legs.
277
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,120
One, two...
278
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,620
I'd call that mincing.
279
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:12,120
I'd call that
irritating.
280
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,620
Oh, for Pete's sake.
One, two, three,
281
00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:18,130
four, five, six.
282
00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:21,130
Now, let's all
sing a spiritual
and start digging.
283
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:24,630
Okay, um, Joe and Brian,
you take the first shift.
284
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,640
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who made you road boss?
285
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,140
I brought the cocoa
and marshmallows.
286
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:32,140
I would follow this woman
to the gates of hell.
287
00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:38,150
Hey, has anybody actually
ever been in Roy's house?
288
00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:39,150
BRIAN: God forbid.
289
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:42,650
From here I can see
orange shag carpet...
290
00:16:44,650 --> 00:16:47,160
Oh, on the bar
one of those
little plastic boys
291
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,160
that tinkles bourbon
into your glass...
292
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:56,160
Ooh! And a picture of
Emmett Kelly made entirely
of macaroni shells.
293
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,670
Boy, it must be nice
to be rich.
294
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:03,170
No, no, no.
I've got it.
I've got it.
295
00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:06,170
Noah's Ark, below deck,
39th day at sea.
296
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,680
That's a smelly moment, Joe.
Smelly moment.
297
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,680
No, but what we're
looking for is the
smelliest moment in history.
298
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,180
For example,
299
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:17,190
the signing of the
Declaration of Independence,
300
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:19,650
middle of summer,
100 guys in a room,
windows shut,
301
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:23,160
wearing powdered wigs
and heavy velvet suits,
302
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,660
and Ben Franklin asks,
"Whose cheese is this?"
303
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,670
Here's one, here's one.
The bubonic plague,
304
00:17:30,670 --> 00:17:33,170
high noon,
on throw-out-your-dead day.
305
00:17:36,670 --> 00:17:41,180
I can't believe we've been
digging this long and still
haven't found that money.
306
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:42,180
(EXCLAIMING)
307
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:44,180
I think I found something.
308
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:45,680
(GRUNTING)
309
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:52,690
It's just another
stupid car battery.
310
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,690
I can't believe all the stuff
Roy's got buried back here.
311
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:58,190
Dead car batteries,
spray paint cans, varnish,
pesticides.
312
00:17:58,690 --> 00:18:00,700
This place looks like
Roy's Love Canal.
313
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,200
Doesn't he know
there are places to
dispose of these things?
314
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:07,700
Apparently Toys for Tots
caught onto his little scam.
315
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:11,210
Well, okay everybody, the
marshmallows are just about
melted in the hot chocolate.
316
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:12,710
The marshmallows
are already in there?
317
00:18:12,710 --> 00:18:14,710
What have
I been eating?
318
00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:19,720
Oh, my goodness, Lowell.
You've been eating toadstools.
319
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,220
You must have picked them up
when you dropped the bag
of marshmallows.
320
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:25,220
Ah. I didn't think that
marshmallows had stems.
321
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,220
However, that would explain
322
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:30,730
the wild hallucinations
I've been having
for the last half hour.
323
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:34,730
Lowell, how could you do
something like that?
324
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:38,230
I don't believe
people with antlers
have the right to criticize.
325
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,740
What's this?
Ooh! It's a hot tub!
326
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:46,740
How about that?
Roy's putting in a hot tub.
327
00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,740
I wonder where
he's going to put it.
328
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,750
As near as I can tell
from these plans,
329
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:56,250
roughly about six paces
from the southwest corner
of his house.
330
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:03,260
Well, we sure put
a crimp in his plans.
331
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,760
We just dug a great
big hole right there!
332
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,270
Ladies and gentlemen,
I believe we've been had.
333
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:13,270
I'm confused.
334
00:19:13,270 --> 00:19:16,770
You think you're confused?
Check out the look
on that giant frog.
335
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,280
Roy wasn't hypnotized.
336
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,780
He faked the whole thing
to get us to dig this hole
for his stupid hot tub.
337
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,780
But he did that
silly little dance
in the terminal.
338
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,290
Yeah, small price to pay
to get out of digging
for the weekend.
339
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:32,290
He set us up.
340
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:37,290
I can't believe we've been
freezing our maracas off so
Roy can soak his in hot water.
341
00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,790
We've got to do something
to get him back.
342
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:42,800
I think it's time to call
my Uncle Pasquale.
343
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,300
They call him The Plumber.
344
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,800
He's a hit man?
345
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,300
No, he's a plumber.
346
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:51,810
He'll hook this thing up,
charge Roy an arm and a leg.
347
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,310
Somebody give me
a hand over here.
348
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:57,310
I just dropped
all my fingers.
349
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:05,820
(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING)
350
00:20:05,820 --> 00:20:06,820
(DOG BARKING)
351
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,830
(CAR DOOR CLOSING)
352
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:21,840
(SNICKERING)
353
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,340
(HUMMING A TUNE)
354
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,350
That's close enough.
355
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:40,860
Hey, Roy.
356
00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:43,860
Hi, guys.
What are you
doing here?
357
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:46,360
Yeah, we know about
the hot tub, mister.
358
00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,360
It was a pretty
good trick, huh?
359
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,370
Ooh, I'm hypnotized.
360
00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:54,370
Yeah, you really got us good
that time, Roy.
361
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:55,870
ROY: I sure did.
362
00:20:56,370 --> 00:20:58,370
But just to show you guys
there's no hard feelings,
363
00:20:58,370 --> 00:21:01,880
any time you're in the mood
for a nice, relaxing hot tub,
364
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,880
you can go blow bubbles
in your bathwater.
365
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,880
I want to tell you guys,
digging that dirt,
that was sweet enough.
366
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,890
But for you to haul it away,
that was above and beyond
the call of duty.
367
00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:23,400
(ROY SPUTTERING)
368
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,900
Okay, guys.
369
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,910
Okay, you've had your fun.
Now, come on,
get me out of here.
370
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:32,410
See you, Roy.
Goodbye.
371
00:21:32,410 --> 00:21:33,910
So long, Roy.
372
00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:36,410
Get-- Get me
out of here, you guys.
373
00:21:36,410 --> 00:21:38,410
Get me out of here.
Lowell?
374
00:21:40,420 --> 00:21:41,920
Roy,
375
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,420
you might want to consider
running the vacuum
a little more often.
30099
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