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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:05,090
Can you believe this?
2
00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:08,090
I get a lousy parking ticket
for having my bumper
this much in the red.
3
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:09,030
I mean, talk about picky.
4
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:10,430
Uh, how much
did they nail you for?
5
00:00:10,430 --> 00:00:11,930
54 bucks!
6
00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:13,860
Plus postage.
7
00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:15,430
You know what?
I'm not gonna pay 'em.
8
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:16,930
What's the worst
that can happen?
9
00:00:16,930 --> 00:00:19,470
Well, they take you to court,
10
00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:22,440
you lose, they fine you,
and you don't pay it,
11
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,410
they put a lien on your house,
attach future earnings,
12
00:00:25,410 --> 00:00:28,410
you're penniless,
you turn to a life of vice
and prostitution,
13
00:00:28,410 --> 00:00:30,880
you get arrested,
end up in jail
14
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:33,420
and live out the rest
of your days sharing
a dirty toilet
15
00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:34,920
with a woman named Dutch.
16
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:38,820
You have a stamp?
17
00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:43,260
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
18
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:00,770
Hey, Lowell, I need you
to go and pick up those
cabin lights.
19
00:02:00,770 --> 00:02:04,170
Just a second, Joe.
I'm almost finished here.
20
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,570
Ah, wouldn't you know it?
21
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:07,580
Last staple
and the gun jams on you.
22
00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:10,080
Boy, crazy thing!
23
00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,580
(GRUNTING)
24
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:14,080
(STAPLER SNAPS)
25
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:22,590
Lowell, did that staple
go into your leg?
26
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:27,600
Are you in pain?
27
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,100
Would you like to
go outside and scream?
28
00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:38,570
(LOWELL SCREAMING)
29
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:41,910
Roy Biggins
for Town Council.
30
00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:43,580
Now, I'm counting
on your votes.
31
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,050
Roy Biggins.
Town Council.
32
00:02:45,050 --> 00:02:47,080
I'm counting on
your votes. Yes.
33
00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:49,520
(BABY CRYING)
Here take this.
34
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,490
Roy Biggins.
Nice to see you.
35
00:02:51,490 --> 00:02:53,990
Roy Biggins for Town Council.
I'm counting on your vote.
36
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,490
(LAUGHING)
37
00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:57,990
You know, guys,
this politics game
isn't so tough.
38
00:02:57,990 --> 00:03:00,500
You just smile a lot,
press the flesh a little
39
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,500
and tell people
what they want to hear.
40
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,000
Hell, put her there
and tell me you're moving
to Wisconsin.
41
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,170
Oh, what's cookin', Spanky?
42
00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,480
I'm putting an ad
in the classifieds.
43
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:13,840
I'm selling my cello.
44
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,180
Your cello?
You're kidding.
45
00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:17,180
You've had that thing
since you were six years old.
46
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:19,820
I know.
It's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
47
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:22,390
But it's time to close
that chapter in my life.
48
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:24,390
I can't go on pursuing
this pipe dream
49
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:26,390
and thinking I'm some
classical musician.
50
00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,890
I've really
made up my mind.
51
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:30,830
I'm never gonna pick up
the cello again.
Hmm.
52
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:32,730
Oh, by the way,
the Boston Pops called.
53
00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,130
(GASPS) Oh, God!
What'd they say?
54
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,100
You never should've
picked it up
in the first place.
55
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,040
Brian, that was low
even for you.
56
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,110
I know. I actually
felt myself sinking.
57
00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:46,380
Madonna Santa!
58
00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:50,880
The councilman, uh,
Senor Lloyd Bruels,
59
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:51,910
he's...
60
00:03:51,910 --> 00:03:53,350
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
61
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:54,880
What happened?
62
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,420
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
He was performing his
famous campaign stunt,
63
00:03:57,420 --> 00:04:01,720
swimming across the harbor
towing a string of rowboats.
64
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,790
There's a guy
who's not getting
any at home, huh?
65
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,530
Anyway, when he finishes,
66
00:04:07,530 --> 00:04:09,030
he comes up out of the water
67
00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:12,040
and then suddenly
he makes a face like so...
68
00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:13,040
(GRUNTS)
69
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,300
He has a heart attack.
70
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:16,570
Oh, my gosh!
Is he dead?
71
00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:19,080
No, no. They take him
to the hospital.
Oh.
72
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,580
This will haunt me
for the rest of my days.
73
00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:26,080
I will never get
this picture out
of my mind.
74
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,550
Watching him
collapse like that?
75
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,490
No. Seeing a man in his 60s
in a Speedo bathing suit.
76
00:04:37,430 --> 00:04:39,460
Thank goodness he's alive.
77
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:42,000
HELEN:
Why are you smiling, Roy?
78
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,500
Was I smiling?
Oh, no, no, no, Helen.
79
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:45,670
I--I wasn't smiling.
80
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:47,170
Yep, you were.
81
00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:49,070
Well, maybe
just a little bit.
82
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:51,570
I mean, now that
I'm running unopposed,
83
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:54,510
there's a good chance
I'll win.
84
00:04:54,510 --> 00:04:56,580
Roy, the man is
in the hospital.
85
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:58,210
Oh, Helen,
you're absolutely right.
86
00:04:58,210 --> 00:04:59,220
You're-- You're
absolutely right.
87
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,220
His well-being is
my only concern.
88
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,220
I'm gonna go down
to the hospital right now
89
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,590
and I'm gonna donate blood.
90
00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:07,990
Roy, that's very generous
of you to give blood.
91
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,830
Who said anything
about my blood?
92
00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:12,330
Come on, Katie.
Roll up your sleeve
and make a fist.
93
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:17,270
Well, here's
a frightening thought.
94
00:05:17,270 --> 00:05:19,800
Roy Biggins is gonna be
our next councilman.
95
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,540
I hate to be a cynic,
but isn't this the way
it always goes?
96
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:25,040
You either have bad choices
or no choices at all?
97
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,210
Yeah, well, where are
the people who used
to run for office
98
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:29,210
not because there was
anything in it for them,
99
00:05:29,210 --> 00:05:30,710
but because they were
willing to work?
Right.
100
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:33,520
Maybe even make a sacrifice
for the common good.
101
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,820
Did those people
just disappear?
Because they...
102
00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:36,820
They used to be here.
103
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,820
We called them
George Washington,
104
00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:40,820
Thomas Jefferson,
Samuel Adams,
105
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:42,630
John Adams,
John Quincy Adams.
106
00:05:42,630 --> 00:05:43,690
The Addams Family.
107
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,700
Well, what can we do?
108
00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:48,400
Well, let's not sell
democracy short.
109
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:49,930
The election is still
a week away.
110
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:51,700
Someone will step forward.
111
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,770
Someone of honesty
and character.
112
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,770
Someone who really
cares about this island.
Someone who...
113
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:03,310
Why--Why are you
looking at me like that?
114
00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:05,310
Because that someone
is you, Joe.
115
00:06:05,310 --> 00:06:07,680
That speech was
really inspiring.
116
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,920
It sure was.
I have goose bumps.
117
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,490
Ah, don't sell
yourself short, Helen.
118
00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:12,990
You fill out that sweater
quite nicely.
119
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:21,970
I don't know.
Me, a councilman?
No. I'm... Really...
120
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,230
Yes, Joe.
Nantucket needs you.
121
00:06:24,230 --> 00:06:26,640
Oh, no, I don't know.
It's a lot of work.
122
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,270
I mean, I got to
run the airline...
123
00:06:28,270 --> 00:06:29,840
You'll hardly have
to do a thing.
124
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:31,340
I'll be your campaign manager.
125
00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:32,840
Well, I love politics.
126
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,350
The smoky back rooms,
127
00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:38,850
the--the king making,
the backstabbing.
128
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:41,920
After canasta,
it's my passion.
129
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,020
No, I don't know.
I don't know. It's...
130
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:47,090
(ALL HUMMING
BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC)
131
00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:51,090
Come on, Joe. Go for it.
Do it, bro.
132
00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:52,960
You're our last chance.
133
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:56,200
All right.
Okay, I'll do it.
134
00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:01,540
His truth is marching on
135
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:04,540
Glory, glory, halle...
136
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,050
Am I the only one
that knows the chorus here?
137
00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:19,490
Oh, Brian,
138
00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:22,390
did I make a mistake
putting that ad in the paper?
139
00:07:22,390 --> 00:07:24,730
Well, it's a little late
to have second thoughts, kid.
140
00:07:24,730 --> 00:07:26,230
That guy's coming
to take a look at it and all.
141
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,930
I know.
142
00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:29,930
But what if he's just
buying it for his
little snot-nosed kid
143
00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:31,930
who's being forced
to take cello lessons?
144
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:33,940
He's just gonna hate it
and he'll abuse it.
145
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,440
It'll end up in his closet
next to his
Playboy collection,
146
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,940
the little pervert.
147
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,910
Well, at least you know
he'll be in there with it.
148
00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:46,620
Uh, excuse me.
I'm the one who called
about the cello.
149
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,690
Oh! Well, hello.
150
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,620
Nice to meet you,
Mr. Larson.
151
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:51,690
Can I see it?
Uh, yes.
152
00:07:51,690 --> 00:07:53,690
Uh, I was just gonna
ask you one question.
153
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,190
Um, do you have
any children?
154
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:56,990
No.
Perfect.
155
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,560
This is certainly
a beautiful instrument.
156
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,070
You've taken exquisite
care of it.
Yes.
157
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:04,470
Well, thank you.
158
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,100
I know
you'll enjoy playing it.
159
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,640
Oh, I don't play.
Jocko does.
160
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,710
Jocko?
161
00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:12,270
My chimpanzee, Jocko.
162
00:08:12,780 --> 00:08:14,440
We have an act.
163
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,310
(STAMMERING)
Wait. Whoa, one second.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
164
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:21,150
Um, are--are you Maynard
of--of Maynard and Jocko?
165
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,950
Yes.
Oh, God! Oh, man!
166
00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:26,020
Uh, you guys are fabulous.
Saw him down in Hyannis!
167
00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:28,530
Uh, Helen, the monkey
fingers with his feet
168
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:30,230
and bows with a banana.
169
00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:31,790
Sorry. No sale.
170
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,170
Joe?
I know, I know.
I'm late, Fay.
171
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:37,670
We got socked in at Boston.
172
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,640
I blew off that chamber
of commerce thing, right?
173
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,140
Oh, that's okay.
I went down there
and I talked to them myself.
174
00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:44,140
They really seemed
to respond to me.
175
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,640
You know, it's amazing.
176
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,250
You can really loosen up
a crowd of business men
with a little off-color joke.
177
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:54,020
Hey, Joe, are you interested
in the latest poll results?
178
00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:56,020
I didn't know
we had a polling service
on the island.
179
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:57,050
Uh, we don't.
180
00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:59,590
What we have is
me hanging out down
at the beauty parlor.
181
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:04,130
You can tell how
the island's gonna
vote from that?
182
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,130
Oh, yeah.
183
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,630
And they let me take home
all the hair I want.
184
00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:11,730
Uh, what are the results?
185
00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:13,300
Hair ball about yea big.
186
00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:18,370
Lowell, I mean the poll.
LOWELL: Oh.
187
00:09:18,370 --> 00:09:21,180
48% are in favor
of old Roy.
188
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:24,180
35% are in favor of Joe.
189
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:26,680
And 6% think
I'd look better
with a perm.
190
00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:31,050
That's sort
of a low percentage.
191
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:33,520
Not for me.
I made an appointment
for next Tuesday.
192
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,230
No, for me.
193
00:09:36,230 --> 00:09:37,730
I thought I'd be doing
better than that by now.
194
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:39,290
Oh, not to worry, Joe.
195
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,930
You forget my ace in the hole
Homer Padnick,
196
00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:43,870
Editor-in-Chief
of The Nantucket Herald.
197
00:09:43,870 --> 00:09:45,170
So?
198
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,400
Well, where's
your political savvy, Joe?
199
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,310
Whoever the paper endorses,
wins the election.
200
00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:52,610
Oh, who are they backing
this time?
201
00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,140
No one yet.
But I spent the better part
of the morning charming
202
00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:57,150
the socks off that man.
203
00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:59,150
He really liked
what I had to say.
204
00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:01,620
Not to mention
my double fudge brownies.
205
00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:04,590
So do you really think
there's a chance of me
getting the endorsement?
206
00:10:04,590 --> 00:10:06,090
I think he was impressed.
207
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:07,320
Oh, great, Fay.
Thanks.
208
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,620
What would I do
without you?
209
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:10,330
Lose most likely.
210
00:10:12,330 --> 00:10:15,830
Hackett, I figured
you'd resort to dirty tricks,
211
00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:18,430
but who thought
you'd stoop this low?
212
00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:21,070
I suppose you think
this is funny, huh?
213
00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:23,310
(LAUGHING)
214
00:10:26,310 --> 00:10:29,310
I had to do it, Roy.
They were scaring
the children.
215
00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:32,320
Fine, fine.
Have your fun.
216
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:34,880
But nothing can stop
the Biggins juggernaut.
217
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,190
After all, I have got
a well-oiled
political machine.
218
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:40,720
All you have are
these three nimrods.
219
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,120
Don't forget about me.
220
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,800
Well, it's out.
Today's edition of
The Nantucket Herald.
221
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:48,800
Who'd they endorse?
222
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,300
I didn't look.
223
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,770
Where I come from,
224
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,800
there is a long tradition
of killing the messenger.
225
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,300
Give me that.
226
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,810
Go ahead, Hackett.
You read it.
227
00:10:57,810 --> 00:11:01,880
I want to get a clear view
of a man taking
his last political gasp.
228
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,380
Yeah, okay, Roy.
But you just might be
in for a little surprise.
229
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,850
"For the position
of Town Council,
230
00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,390
"The Nantucket Herald
endorses
231
00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:14,390
"Fay Evelyn Cochran."
232
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,830
Me?
233
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,100
The--The paper endorsed me?
That's impossible.
234
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,610
You're not even running.
235
00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:30,670
I know.
236
00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:32,180
Give me that.
237
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:34,710
(LAUGHING)
238
00:11:34,710 --> 00:11:35,780
What's so funny?
239
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:38,280
Oh, Marmaduke got
in the refrigerator again.
240
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:40,780
Crazy dog.
241
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,290
Give me that!
242
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,620
"If honesty, sincerity
243
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,120
"and good old-fashioned
common sense
count for anything,
244
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,360
"you should write
in the name of
Fay Evelyn Cochran
245
00:11:52,630 --> 00:11:54,000
"for Town Council."
246
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,330
Give me that!
247
00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:58,840
Hey, it looked like fun.
248
00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:03,440
All right,
"With Lloyd Bruel
out of the race
249
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,940
"and Roy Biggins
out of his mind,
250
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,940
"it would seem
the only choice
is Joe Hackett.
251
00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:11,350
"But after only one meeting
with Fay Cochran,
his campaign manager,
252
00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:13,920
"we discovered her to be
the true dynamic force
253
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:15,680
"behind his campaign.
254
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,250
"Apparently Hackett
was relying on his
boyish good looks
255
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:19,260
"to get him
into office."
256
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:20,760
Well, I thought
it would help,
257
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,630
but I certainly wasn't
counting on it.
258
00:12:22,630 --> 00:12:24,160
Give me that.
259
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:26,930
It's mine.
I paid for it.
260
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:32,270
Fay, what exactly
did you say to that editor?
261
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,840
Well, I told you.
We discussed your campaign,
262
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,140
and I gave him
some goodies.
263
00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:37,940
I'll bet you did, sister.
264
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,940
I was talking about
my double fudge brownies.
265
00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:45,010
What are you gonna do, Fay?
Are you going to throw
your hat into the ring, huh?
266
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:46,520
Oh, I'm so flattered.
267
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,520
I guess I have no choice.
268
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,020
HELEN: Good.
I'll do it!
269
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,390
(ALL CHEERING)
I'll run for Town Council.
270
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,890
(ALL CHATTERING)
271
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,820
I don't care who
I'm running against.
272
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:57,390
I'm fighting this thing
to the end
273
00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:59,400
and I'm not gonna
take any prisoners.
274
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,900
You're gonna find out
at that debate
275
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,900
that you are in
for a real good
old-fashioned dogfight.
276
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,670
What do you have to say
to that, Cochran?
277
00:13:06,670 --> 00:13:07,700
Oh, pooh.
278
00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:12,070
Broad's got the mouth
of a truck driver.
279
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,090
Fay, it's getting
kind of late.
280
00:13:23,090 --> 00:13:24,920
You gonna knock off soon?
281
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,490
Oh, uh, I just want to
finish up a couple of
last minute things.
282
00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:29,990
I'm trying to punch up
my speech for the debate
tomorrow night.
283
00:13:29,990 --> 00:13:31,290
Oh, well, all right.
Good night.
284
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:32,800
Make sure to lock up
on your way out.
285
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,300
Uh, uh, Joe.
286
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,300
Um, you know,
I never expected things
to work out this way.
287
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,770
I hope you're not angry.
288
00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:40,270
No, I'm not angry.
289
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:43,110
You know, I--I think
you would have made
a wonderful councilman.
290
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:45,610
Well, if it's not gonna be me,
I'm glad it's going to be you.
291
00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:48,580
Oh, Joe.
Do you really mean that?
292
00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:50,850
Fay, I'm trying to be
a good sport about this.
293
00:13:56,890 --> 00:13:59,790
Hiya, Fay.
Got a minute?
294
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,830
What can I do for you?
295
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:08,800
You had a pretty good week,
didn't you?
296
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,370
Well, I pulled ahead of you
by 15 percentage points,
297
00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:13,770
if that's what you mean.
298
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,570
Yeah. That's--
That's what I mean.
299
00:14:16,870 --> 00:14:20,440
So, Roy, is there a purpose
to this little visit?
300
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:24,980
Look, I know you think
I'm not a worthy candidate,
301
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:28,480
that I'm just another blowhard
running for Town Council
302
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,490
in order to line his pockets.
303
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,520
Go on.
304
00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:36,090
Well, I got some news
for you, Fay.
305
00:14:36,090 --> 00:14:38,090
This job means
something to me.
306
00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:40,000
This island means
something to me.
307
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,830
Well, no more
than it does to me.
308
00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:44,770
Oh, I had this thing
sewn up until you entered
this stupid race.
309
00:14:45,270 --> 00:14:47,700
Well, I didn't choose
to run, Roy. I was drafted.
310
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:50,670
How can I put this
so you can understand?
311
00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:54,180
I'm a loser.
312
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:56,580
I've been a loser
my whole life, Fay.
313
00:14:58,010 --> 00:15:00,250
I have never won anything.
314
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:03,190
Please. Please, Fay.
315
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:05,590
Please, I want
to be a winner.
316
00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:08,720
Roy, please get up
off your knees.
317
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,230
I--I--I really have work
I have to do here.
318
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:12,230
Okay.
319
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:18,330
Let me tell you
a little story.
320
00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:22,200
When I was in the fifth grade,
I ran for class president.
321
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,210
I--I was up against
Dennis Doyle,
322
00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:26,710
Mr. Athlete,
Mr. Popular.
323
00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:28,710
I thought I could
take him on the issues.
324
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,210
I--I had some good ideas.
325
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:33,180
I thought if I could
just get people to listen...
326
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,680
(SIGHS)
327
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:39,720
But when I was
giving my speech
in the assembly hall,
328
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,730
one of his friends
snuck up behind me
and pantsed me.
329
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,070
There I was, in front of
the whole student body,
330
00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:53,070
with my trousers
around my ankles.
331
00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:58,070
I tried to run
but I fell off the stage.
332
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,010
Guess I should have
pulled my pants up first.
333
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,850
I'll tell you something, Fay.
334
00:16:06,850 --> 00:16:10,420
I've been trying to
get those pants back up
for the last 30 years.
335
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,490
This election is my chance.
336
00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:14,990
Help me, Fay.
337
00:16:15,990 --> 00:16:18,330
Help me pull my pants up.
338
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:24,500
(STAMMERING)
Are we alone here?
Is security still around?
339
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,370
This election doesn't mean
that much to you.
340
00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:28,870
Can you honestly tell me
you want it as badly as I do?
341
00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:30,870
Do you crave it?
342
00:16:30,870 --> 00:16:33,380
Do you have
the taste of it
in your mouth?
343
00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,780
The stink of it
in your clothes?
344
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:38,850
Well, I--I--I can't
honestly say that I do. No.
345
00:16:38,850 --> 00:16:40,820
Well, I can.
346
00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:43,350
W-W-What are you saying?
Do you want me to drop out
of the race?
347
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,350
No, no, no, no.
348
00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:49,960
That would look bad
like I tried to muscle
you out. No, no.
349
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,760
I want you to blow
the debate tomorrow night.
Oh, I--I can't do that.
350
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,000
Oh, come on, Fay.
351
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,170
This is the only thing
that'll give me a chance
to win this thing!
352
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,500
No, I want to be
on the Town Council, too.
The--The answer is no.
353
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:02,800
Please.
Please don't say no
right away, huh?
354
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,810
J-Just, just think about it.
355
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,110
I know you're gonna
do the right thing.
356
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:10,680
If not for me,
357
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,680
then for that little
apple-cheeked boy
358
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,150
with his pants down
around his ankles.
359
00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:28,500
So in closing,
when you elect Roy Biggins,
360
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,530
you are electing
a man of vision,
361
00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:35,570
a man of ideas,
a man who is, uh,
362
00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:40,080
a man who is poised
to guide Nantucket
into the 21st century.
363
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,480
Thank you.
364
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:50,050
Thank you, Mr. Biggins.
365
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:52,050
And now,
with her opening statement,
366
00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:54,890
our other candidate,
Fay Evelyn Cochran.
367
00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:56,760
(ALL CHEERING)
368
00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,230
(MAN WHISTLING)
369
00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:06,400
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
370
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,770
I have been both surprised
and flattered by this
outpouring of support
371
00:18:09,770 --> 00:18:11,870
and I intend to
thank you all for it
372
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:15,940
by being the best councilwoman
this town has ever seen.
373
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:17,350
(ALL CHEERING)
374
00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:27,560
Okay, now we'll open
the floor for questions.
375
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,730
Yes, sir?
376
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:33,700
Oh, um, I don't have
a question.
377
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:36,230
I was just waving
at my friend Fay.
Hi, Fay.
378
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:40,970
Next question.
379
00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,540
I got a question.
380
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,810
You say you believe
in preserving the beauty
of Nantucket.
381
00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:46,840
Yes, that's right.
382
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,350
Then why don't you start
by getting that heap
you drive off the street?
383
00:18:49,340 --> 00:18:51,150
(ALL LAUGHING)
384
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:54,450
Yeah. And throw that
suit in with it.
385
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:56,220
(ALL LAUGHING)
386
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,270
(MODERATOR TAPPING DESK)
387
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:12,000
MODERATOR: Please! Please!
388
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,970
Now, are there
any other questions?
389
00:19:15,970 --> 00:19:19,540
Uh, yes. Miss Cochran,
what do you think
of Mr. Biggins' ideas?
390
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,910
Uh, well, as for his
so-called programs...
391
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:30,350
Um...
392
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:32,350
As for his programs,
uh, they seem solid
393
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,860
and, uh, well thought out.
394
00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:38,290
I'd like to commend Roy
for his vision
395
00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:42,260
and suggest we all listen
a little more closely
to what he has to say.
396
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,370
(ALL MUTTERING)
397
00:19:44,370 --> 00:19:45,830
Any other questions?
398
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:48,270
Uh, yeah, I have a question.
399
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,670
Have you lost your mind?
400
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:04,420
Results from other races
in the southeastern part
of the state.
401
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:08,960
New Bedford has a close
assembly race going as do
Duxbury and Fall River.
402
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,960
You know, I'll never
understand that performance
of yours last night, Fay.
403
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,800
You could have wiped
the floor with Roy.
404
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,870
Yeah, I hate to criticize,
but even I could've done
better than that.
405
00:20:16,870 --> 00:20:18,870
Well, I just don't believe
in slinging mud.
406
00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,870
Well, he sure slung
some at you.
407
00:20:20,870 --> 00:20:23,370
A few days ago, he called you
a left leaning pinko lackey
408
00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,370
of special interest groups.
409
00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:26,880
That can be taken two ways.
410
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,510
Fay, uh...
411
00:20:32,010 --> 00:20:36,080
Listen, no matter
how this turns out,
412
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,520
I want to thank you
for what you did last night.
413
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:39,590
Oh, don't mention it, Roy.
414
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,220
No, no. I--I laid in bed
last night thinking,
415
00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:44,660
"How can I thank Fay?
416
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:48,030
"How can I express to her
my appreciation?"
417
00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:50,100
Then it came to me.
418
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,570
Mail-order steaks.
419
00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:55,600
So don't be surprised
if you find a couple of
T-bones on your doorstep
420
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,510
in six to eight weeks.
421
00:20:57,810 --> 00:21:00,740
Well, thank you, Roy.
I'll look for them.
422
00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:04,110
And in the race
out on Nantucket,
we have a winner.
423
00:21:04,110 --> 00:21:05,350
Roy Biggins.
424
00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:07,920
(LAUGHING) I won!
425
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,050
I won! I won! I won!
426
00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:14,860
Can I have
your attention please?
427
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:18,630
I--I just wanna thank
all the kind people
who supported me.
428
00:21:18,630 --> 00:21:21,630
And rest assured that
Roy Biggins will serve
429
00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:23,630
as councilman with compassion,
430
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:26,570
sensitivity and honesty.
431
00:21:26,570 --> 00:21:30,640
Because Roy Biggins is
a man of the people.
432
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,510
Now it's time to crack
open the champagne.
433
00:21:33,510 --> 00:21:35,340
(ALL CHEERING)
434
00:21:35,340 --> 00:21:37,710
Hey, who invited you?
435
00:21:41,950 --> 00:21:43,520
I say we pants him.
32928
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