Original subtitles

Are ya ready, kids?

Aye-aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye-aye, Captain!

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! -Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

Argh!

It's almost ready, Karen! Any minute now...

There it is! Did you see that, Karen?

Don't you have anything better to do?

Like what? We haven't had a customer in months!

Karen, what is that?

I think it's a... customer.

What should I do?

Ask him if he wants to order something.

Sounds unlikely, but I'll try.

Hello, sir. You don't actually want to order anything, do you?

Do you have any food without chum?

No, we do not!

Hmm. Well, I'll just have a cup of coffee.

There's no chum in coffee, right?

Oh no, no, of course not...

Squidward? What are you doing here?

Spying for Krabs?

Do you really think I'm here to steal

your secret chum formula?

Good point. Then why are you here?

I needed a nice quiet place

that's completely devoid of life...

...to finish writing my stage play.

A play, huh? What's it about?

It tells the story of a handsome and talented artist

who struggles against his evil employer,

an angry, uncouth crab named Mr. Snippers.

I have the beginning worked out,

but I just can't figure out the ending!

What a coincidence!

I happen to be writing a play too!

It's about a big angry crab

who torments a nice innocent shopkeeper.

But I only have the ending!

It's beautiful.

This is destiny!

We must put on our play, together!

Luckily, I've already built a stage.

Not bad, but we simply have to change

the color of this curtain.

To this lovely shade of scarlet, for instance.

Pee-yew! It should be crimson, not scarlet!

That's hideous!

Your nose is hideous!

Sounds like you two need a director!

Excellent idea.

Of course, I'm the obvious choice for director.

Oh please, I love bossing people around!

I should be the director!

Yeah! If we want it ruined!

-Cretin! -Jerk!

Enough!

Since you two can't agree on anything,

I'll be the director!

Now, in this scene,

Mr. Snippers is berating his employees

as they row a Roman galley.

Ahem!

Get back to work... you lazy--

Back to work, you lazy--

Hold it! I think there's been a mistake.

I am playing Mr. Snippers!

What are you talking about?

I'm perfect for the role of Mr. Snippers!

And everyone knows the villain is the best part!

Eh! There's only one way to settle this.

You'll both have to audition.

If I must!

I will say, I am not accustomed to reading for my roles anymore.

I shall read from a medley of classics.

Ahem! Clameo, Clameo, wherefore art thou, Clameo?

Friends! Romans! Countrymen!

Lend me your ears!

I have always relied

on the idiocy of strangers.

I could'a had Krabby Patties.

I could'a had the formula. Instead of chum!

Which is all I have.

Oh, what a ham!

You're the one chewing the scenery!

Hold it! I've made my choice!

The role of Mr. Snippers goes to...

neither of you!

We'll cast someone else to play Mr. Snippers.

Oh yeah? Where are you gonna find an actor

who will follow orders

and is dumb enough to do it for free?

Is this where I catch the bus to Clam Francisco?

Oops! Mr. Krabs did warn me.

Never make three left turns at the Barg'N-Mart, boy-o.

Arg arg arg arg arg arg!

We found our Mr. Snippers!

Now SpongeBob, you'll be playing the villain.

Ooh! Everyone knows the villain is the best part.

Let's pick it up from page 56.

Arr! Getteth to worketh

or I'm gonna giveth you a boop

on your cutesy noseth.

Boop!

No, no, no! Like this!

Getteth to work or I'll clobbereth thou!

And then you hit 'em with your drumsticks!

Yeah! Like this!

Ow!

No, no, like this! Harder!

SpongeBob, what's the matter?

Why aren't you following the script?

Don't you think Mr. Snippers is too... mean?

It's just a play!

And in a play, if you don't read the lines,

you'll be doing a bad job.

You want to do a good job, don't you, SpongeBob?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Now do some good acting!

Act, boy! Act!

Getteth to worketh or I'll clobbereth thee!

-Ugg! -Ow!

By Neptune, I think he's got it!

Thank you. Enjoy the show!

Do you think Krabs will show up for his humiliation?

Oh, he'll be here. I sent him a free ticket!

Outta the way! Coming through!

VIP here!

Eugene! Oh, so glad you could make it.

Yeah, yeah. This free play better be worth the money.

Don't worry,

you'll get everything that's coming to you.

-What was that? -Right this way, sir!

Ehh?

Who's Afraid of Mr. Snippers,

written by Squidward Tentacles?

And alsoSheldon J. Plankton?

I should get top billing!

No one stands taller than Sheldon J.--

Ahh!

Plankton.

Gett-eth to work-eth!

Thou-est are the laziest of fools-eth!

Arr!

I saw that poster outside, Squidward. Ouch!

Oh, did you like it? Oof!

No! For one thing it should read "Plankton and Squidward."

Ahh!

Oh, please!

I did most of the writing. Ow!

Why-est art thou not worketh-ing?

As much as I like to see Plankton and Squidward

get what's coming to 'em,

I think this Mr. Snippers character

is a real jerk.

Whew! Being a villain is hard work.

Credit hog!

Washed up hack!

Hack? Alright, that's it!

Get off of me! Ahh!

Aaah! He's in my toga!

Yow!

Ouch! Let go!

As you wisheth.

Actors!

They love improv.

To maim or not to maim: thatis the question!

Ow!

-Yeah! -Whoo!

Yeah, hit him! Hit him harder!

Stop this madness!

-What? -Come on!

Boo!

Let us not fight.

Are we not all creatures of the sea?

The truth is, you're both more alike

than you are different.

I'm sure deep down you actually love each other.

Good for you! So beautiful.

Why, that little scene-stealer.

We do notlove each other!

But we do agree on one thing...

Yeah, get him, boys!

Take that tyrant Mr. Snippers down!

Woo-hoo!

I'm just happy to see you two getting along.

Hey, that tickles!

Brilliant! Amazing!

What an emotional roller-coaster!

Hey!

Who wants to go to the after-party

at the Krusty Krab?

After-party prices are doubled.

Squidward, you're running the register.

Get to work, you lazy bum!

That's what Mr. Snippers would say, ain't it?

Arg arg arg arg arg arg!

Good night, good night--

Ohh!

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Ah, the ocean.

So bustling with aquatic life.

So... wet.

Ooh! Here comes one of the most elusive

of sea creatures now: the squirrel.

Howdy, SpongeBob.

Uh, could you give me some feedback

on this scientific paper I'm writing?

I'd love to, Sandy.

"The ocean is permeated with a multitude of aquatic life,

from the Ammodytes hexapterus

to the Asteroidea and the Porifera.

Though the differences are ostensible,

there is a plethora of similarities..."

Uh... SpongeBob? Are you alright?

Your science paper...

so cold... so d-d-didactic...

Gosh, do you reckon

it's too heavy on the technical side?

It doesn't sound like anything I've experienced

living in this wonderful ocean.

It doesn't capture the feel of a warm current in your face

or what kelp feels like between your toes!

I wish you could experience the ocean like I do.

So, Sandy, what was it that you wanted to...

You're just in time!

Presenting my Fish-U-Up Machine!

With this device, I'll swap out my squirrel DNA

with fish DNA!

And then I'll be able to breathe water!

Then, I can study the ocean like y'all sea critters do.

Without my bulky old suit on!

All thanks to the generous help of our handsome volunteer, Fred.

Wait... I thought I was getting a haircut.

Boop that button, square dude!

Boop!

It really worked! You have gills!

Let's get you a breath of fresh water!

Isn't the ocean grand?

Let it flow through your gills!

Huh? Oh no!

Sandy, trust in your gills.

Breathe!

Unh-uh!

Hey, SpongeBob.

Sandy forgot how to breathe, huh?

Happens to me all the time.

Oh! Yee-haw!

I'm a water breather!

There's a lot I need to learn about the way of the fish.

Yeah, like, don't breathe the yellow water.

Ew! Now I feel more spry than a springtime pup!

What should we do first, SpongeBob?

Might I suggest... everything!

Ow!

Huh?

Ah! Oh...

Mm! You were right,

this grass feels so good on my paws!

Oh! Ye-ouch!

Ow! Those stings hurt extra

without my diving suit on.

It's kind of invigorating!

Come on! Sting me! Sting me!

I'm right here. Bring it on!

Sandy! Check this out!

Feel the glory of Jellyfish Fields!

It's beautiful!

Oh! And the refracted sunlight

feels so good on my bare fur!

And just breathe in that current!

Sandy, you're shedding.

And you've got scales!

Good golly, I am and I do!

More of my new fish-type attributes

are making themselves known!

I wonder what other fish traits I have.

Maybe I got swimming skills!

There's only one place to find out!

Ah!

Smell that salty waft!

Ugh!

Well, what are we waiting for, my fish friend?

Cannonball!

Ah! Isn't it nice how sea creatures

take to water, Sandy?

Sandy!

Huh? It's just her pelt I felt.

Oh, SpongeBob...

Huh?

Sandy! You're all scales!

Well, look at that! I feel so free!

I can glide through the water like a greased pig.

Speaking of, I feel hungry.

What do fish folk eat around these parts?

Ooh, you're in luck!

Goo Lagoon has the best unlicensed beach vendors

under the sea!

Ha-ha! You had me at "unlicensed"!

Your finest fish flakes, my good man.

Whatever.

Dig in!

Oh, well, ain't that clever!

Ha! You guys pay for your flakes?

-Want some? -Uh, thanks,

but I just ate.

Besides, we need to head back.

Being a fish has given me all kinds of insights.

Just keep writing, Sandy.

Uh, we-- we'll get you home...

What's gotten into you, SpongeBob?

You're acting more skittish than a long-tailed cat

in a roomful of rocking chairs.

Oh...

Those shiny hooks look delicious!

Sandy, no!

Sandy, stay away from those.

But they're so... inviting.

Sandy! Don't take the bait!

Sandy!

Come to papa.

Alright. Now let's take a look at you.

Oh, goodness!

Oh, you ain't no prize yourself, mister!

What are they dumping in the water around here?!

Huh? Sandy! You're safe!

Sorry, SpongeBob,

I let my fish side get the better of me.

Uh-oh...

Uh, Sandy?

Ahh! You over-scienced yourself!

Let's get you back to your lab!

Oh no! She's devolved!

I gotta help her! Sandy, come back!

♪ Meow, meow, meow-meow-meow-meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow, meow-meow-meow-meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow... ♪

Meow!

Sandy! Leave Gary alone!

No! Gary!

Meow!

Oh, Gary, you're safe!

But, wait, then what is Sandy eating?

Pudding cups?

Gary, have you been hoarding those in your shell again?

Meow, meow...

Wait a minute... pudding... shell...

home... dome... that's it!

Maybe Sandy's hoarding antidotes back in her dome.

Whoa! Oh!

Phew!

We'll discuss this pudding thing later, young man!

Meow, meow.

Ahh!

Sandy, no! Ow! Ow!

Sandy, ow!

Oh! Sandy's gotta have a remedy somewhere!

Where is it? Where is it?

There! Bubble bath.

Sandy has been smelling a little fishy lately.

And now, the re-evolution serum!

That's it!

Ahh!

Whoops, too far!

SpongeBob! You saved the day!

I'm just glad everything's back to normal.

Yeah, but I feel like we forgot something.

My legs!

My furry, furry legs!

My furry legs...

Oh, right. Fred.

I'll get the carrier.