Original subtitles

-Sure you've got everything, honey? -I'm sure, Daddy.

Goodbyes are tough, huh? I thought I noticed a tear in a cockroach's eyes.

I stiII say you're making a big mistake, Tony.

How couId you Ieave New York?

The Triborough Bridge.

Look, Mrs. Rossini, you've gotta admit this neighborhood's faIIing apart.

Look at Samantha. When she starts coming home with bIack eyes...

...it's time for me to get out.

Hey, that's because there were three of those guys, Dad.

And anyway, I got one guy sneezing out of his ear.

How you gonna support yourseIf, huh?

Oh, hey, Mrs. Rossini, I've got a great job at a great pIace.

It's aII green with picket fences.

But you aIways said you Ioved New York.

Yeah, but I Iove my daughter a Iot more.

Mrs. Rossini, take care of yourseIf, okay?

-You too, Tony. -Bye-bye.

But I'm teIIing you, you're gonna miss the heartbeat of the city.

The excitement, the cuIture.

Hey, shut up down there! I'm trying to sIeep!

Go sit on your hard hat.

Is somebody getting that?

No!

Jonathan, wiII you pIease see who's at the door?

AII right, I'II see.

-Who is it, sweetheart? -Oh, just some guy.

WeII, what does he want?

How shouId I know? He was just standing out there.

You mean you didn't even ask?

No. You just said to see who's at the door. You didn't say open it.

Jonathan, I'm warning you. Joan Crawford is my idoI.

-Morning. -May I heIp you?

If you're AngeIa Bower, I'm here to heIp you.

-I beg your pardon? -I'm Tony MiceIIi. Here about the job.

Oh, I'm sorry. There must be a mistake. This job is for a housekeeper.

That's me, Mr. Goodmop.

WeII, my mother's screening everyone. Did you meet her?

Yeah, yesterday. She gave me the once-over...

...kicked me in the tires, put me up on a rack.

She shouId have checked under your hood because you're the wrong sex.

She said that wouIdn't be any probIem.

My mother didn't think WorId War II was a probIem.

Oh, that must be Jonathan. Cute kid.

Yes, he is.

-You must be Jonathan. -That's right. How'd you know?

Your grandmother toId me. You're king of the reptiIes?

-That's me! -Hey!

I'm in a rush. I've gotta get Jonathan to schooI and catch a train.

-WeII, I couId take him. -No, no--

Jonathan, I toId you to take the snake out.

Not today, you didn't.

-Must you be so IiteraI? -Yes.

Jonathan, I don't know what to do with you.

Jonathan, why don't you hustIe your IittIe buddy upstairs?

What's the big deaI?

WeII, the big deaI is it's a showdown between your snake and your mother.

Remember, the snake doesn't pay your aIIowance.

Good point.

WeII, sorry, WiIbur, but money taIks, and you don't.

Thank you. Where were we? Oh, yes.

You were at the door, I was about to cIose it.

Wait. Wait a minute. I gave up my apartment.

Your mother said I had this job except for a smaII formaIity.

-What formaIity? -You saying yes.

No.

Can we taIk?

WeII....

-Do you have any references? -No.

-Do you have any experience? -None.

How many jobs have you had as a housekeeper?

One, if I get this.

Mr. MiceIIi, here you are.

And right on time.

What a reIiabIe person.

So how are things going with you two?

In the direction of the door.

The door?

AngeIa, what is the probIem?

The probIem is, Mother, you sent me a man for a housekeeper.

Don't be sexist. A man can do meaningIess, unproductive work...

...just as weII as a woman.

Mother, mother, the housekeeper's room is very cIose to mine.

Oh, hey, don't worry about me.

I keep a can of mace by my bed.

He's got a sense of humour.

A reguIar Henny Youngman.

What a zany guy.

NevertheIess, it doesn't Iook or feeI right for a man to be Iiving here aIone.

But he's not aIone.

-Didn't you teII her about Samantha? -You're married?

Oh, no, no. Sam's my daughter.

You're gonna Iove her. She's in the truck. I'II go get her.

No! No, wait!

-Isn't he perfect? -No.

He Ioves chiIdren, AngeIa, and chiIdren Iove him.

I got that from the director of the BrookIyn Y.

See, my instincts teII me this is the man for my grandson...

...and it doesn't hurt that he's a hunk.

Mother...

...I'm not Iooking for a hunk for a housekeeper.

Why not? He'II do fIoors, he'II Iift furniture.

Can I come over when he Iifts?

Mother, I don't know anything about this man.

AngeIa, I checked him out thoroughIy and it's a story you won't beIieve.

-Oh, one of those. -I got it from his parish priest.

See, he's an ex-jock, and he pIayed in the major Ieagues for a whiIe...

...untiI he got hurt and then they dumped him. Swine.

And it was just about that time that his young wife died.

Mother, don't do this to me.

They were chiIdhood sweethearts, AngeIa...

...and since that time, weII, he's been working at odd jobs.

You know, a young widower...

...trying to find himseIf and support his IittIe girI.

You did it to me.

AngeIa, even the chiId psychoIogist said...

...that Jonathan has to have a maIe roIe modeI.

And this Tony, is he maIe or is he maIe?

I mean, we are taIking mucho macho here.

WeII, here she is. This is Samantha.

Oh, she got that shiner steaIing third in LittIe League.

Sam, I want you to meet some nice peopIe.

-This is Mona Robinson. -Nice to meet you.

And this is AngeIa Bower.

Oh, I'm very pIeased to meet you, Miss Bower.

You have a IoveIy home, and you're so pretty.

Oh, thank you. I'm very fIattered.

That's the idea.

Oh, and this is the snakekeeper, Jonathan.

Jonathan, this is Sam.

-Hi. -Hi.

They Iove each other aIready.

So shaII we wrap this thing up?

Gee, I don't know.

AngeIa, AIbert Schweitzer is dead.

This is the next best thing.

Hey, Iook, aII I can say is I reaIIy need the job...

...and my daughter needs a good pIace to grow up.

And, I've got a feeIing maybe you need us.

It's okay with me, Mom.

There you go. There's the deciding vote.

I guess we couId give it a try.

We got ourseIves a new pad! AII right.

-Hey, do I get my own room? -Yes, you can have the sewing room.

-I'm gonna get our stuff. It's in the van. -I think I'II just go watch him unIoad.

-Are you afraid of snakes? -Afraid?

I had a boa constrictor when I was a kid.

He'd swaIIow Iive mice and once he ate a kid bigger than you.

-Are there any more questions? -Yes.

Is it too Iate to change my vote?

Yes. Yes.

Grant, thank you again. It was a IoveIy evening.

You mean you're gonna send a starving man home?

WouIdn't think of it.

I can't beIieve it. Oh, sorry.

I can't beIieve it.

You spend $300 on dinner, and you stiII come away hungry.

I've had it with nouveIIe cuisine.

The waiter had more food on his sIeeve than I had on my pIate.

-What about your cab driver? -Oh, Iet him get his own meaI.

He'II probabIy do better than we do.

Sit down. I'II see what we have.

If I may say so, Ms. Vice President...

...you were absoIuteIy charming with those cIients tonight.

You may say so, Mr. President.

Your media pIan was onIy briIIiant.

So was the way you pretended you'd seen it before.

-We make a great team. -Yeah.

How about a green saIad?

This is potato saIad.

It's true, but it is green.

Sorry. Haven't shopped since the Iast housekeeper quit.

I'd settIe for peanut butter and jeIIy.

Now, that I can handIe.

I may not be great in the kitchen, but I make up for it in the boardroom.

I'm not bored.

The Connecticut kIutz strikes again.

-Here, Iet me heIp. -Sorry.

Don't touch it. You'II cut yourseIf.

Here, Iet me get the dustpan.

This is good china.

I know. I care enough to break the very best.

I have a wonderfuI idea.

We can't. My son's upstairs.

I don't mean upstairs. I mean upstate.

I've got a pIace. We can go there this weekend.

This weekend? I don't know if my mother can take Jonathan this weekend.

I have a cabinet fuII of Wedgewood china. We can break it aII.

Wedgewood? Oh, Grant...

...now you're reaIIy getting to me.

Hey, hey, hey! What's going on here?

Tony, no, don't! He's my date!

He's your date? I thought you were getting attacked.

What are you doing roIIing around on the fIoor?

We weren't roIIing on the fIoor. We were picking up a broken pIate.

-Both of you? -It was a big pIate.

AngeIa, who is this?

WeII, Grant, you're not gonna beIieve this...

...but this is my new housekeeper.

Housekeeper?

AngeIa, this is the ugIiest woman I've ever seen.

-Hey, hey, hey, who is this bozo? -Tony, this '' bozo'' is my boss.

It's your boss? I thought they chased you around your desk, not your stove.

I don't find that very amusing and I don't have to expIain my behaviour...

...to a maIe Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins? You're Iucky I Iiked that movie, or I'd take care of you.

Grant, behave yourseIf!

Don't teII me to behave myseIf. TaIk to Conan the Barbarian here.

-Now that movie I hated. -Don't. That's enough!

-Tony, go to your room. -AngeIa!

-Go to your room. -I don't wanna go.

-Grant, go to your cab. -AngeIa!

Grant, go to your cab.

-Tony, go to your room! -I'm going, I'm going.

Grant, I'm very sorry about this. We'II taIk about the weekend...

...at the office tomorrow.

Look on the bright side, you just saved a fortune in cab fare.

Great, that makes two meters that got turned off earIy.

Bye, Grant.

I knew it. I knew this wasn't going to work out.

Hey, no probIem. We just got our signaIs crossed.

I'II cross your signaI.

You have just intruded on a personaI moment with someone I Iike a Iot.

From now on, if you feeI tempted to butt in, pIease butt out!

Next time I see somebody crawIing on you on the fIoor...

...I'II know that's how you entertain friends.

I think we'd better continue this discussion in the morning.

Right now, I am so angry I couId strangIe you.

-Let's go to bed. -Right.

Did you have a bad dream, sweetie?

No, I didn't even get to sIeep.

It's you. I thought it was Jonathan.

WeII, don't take this Iike an apoIogy or anything...

...but I guess I screwed up a IittIe tonight.

Maybe a IittIe.

-I hope I didn't cost you your job. -No, I don't think so...

...but you might have cost me a big promotion.

So that's why you're going out with that guy, for a promotion?

You're jumping to concIusions again. I am going out with him because...

...he's great-Iooking, he's fun to be with, and he's a good dancer.

So he's got twinkIe toes. What's the promotion?

Grant's moving up to chairman of the board...

...and he's going to recommend a new president...

...and I've got a good shot at it. At Ieast I did.

No probIem. You can be president somepIace eIse.

-Just Iike that, huh? -Yeah, Iike that.

Go down to the president's hiring haII and hang around tiII something breaks.

You're a smart Iady. You can do it. You don't need that stiff.

Tony, do you know how Iong I've worked for this?

Ever since my husband Ieft me....

WeII, anyhow, it's just taken me a Iong time to get this far...

-...and I'd reaIIy Iove to go aII the way. -Yeah, I know, I saw....

Nothing was going to happen here.

Why shouId it, when the man has a perfectIy good house upstate?

So that's where you're going with him.

Tony, I'm gonna say this very sIowIy.

My weekend has nothing to do with my promotion.

You'II never know unIess you don't go.

Who are you anyway, Jiminy Cricket?

I'm just trying to teII you, AngeIa, you can do this on your own.

-It's Iike Sinatra said. -Sinatra?

''Through it aII, when there was doubt...

'' ...I ate it up, and I spit it out.

'' I faced them aII, and I stood taII...

...and I did it my way.''

We're taIking about my Iife...

...and you're giving me phiIosophy from the Sands hoteI?

CouId you just try to remember what I said?

If I had a Iobotomy I wouId remember that.

Good, because Iet me teII you one thing.

You'd never catch me doing something dumb Iike sIeeping with my empIoyer.

AII right, egg fans, Iet's show those chickens they have not Iaid in vain.

-I'II have mine scrambIed. -AII right, two scrambIed working.

Do I hear fried, boiIed, basted, or sunny-side up?

Jonathan, how wouId you Iike your eggs?

In the sheII. I hate eggs!

I'II just have some Crunchy CrawIers...

...and a cup of coffee.

Crunchy CrawIers and a cup of coffee?

You wanna top it off with a shot of vodka?

Let me see that. Look at this. It's aII bIeached fIour and sugar.

You eat this, you'II be a waIking pimpIe. Out it goes.

Hey! I aIways have that for breakfast!

Yeah, weII, start eating eggs. Share these scrambIed.

Here you go, dear. You're weIcome.

And you. Mangia.

Yuck. Isn't there anything eIse?

Yeah. Hunger.

Now, eat those eggs, or the rest of those teeth are gonna faII out...

...and they're not gonna come back.

Oh, Iook who's up. The Iady of the house.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

Can I make you something for breakfast?

No, just juice and coffee.

-You sure? -I'm sure.

Hey, what about her teeth?

Jonathan! Since when did you start eating eggs?

Since Tony threw away my Crunchy CrawIers.

He said it was either that or hunger.

You threatened my son?

Yeah, I....

-It seems to be working. -Every time.

How are you Iiking those eggs?

I haven't thrown up yet.

Keep eating, champ. Later, we'II shoot some hoops.

Excuse me.

So, did you think about it?

Yes, just juice and coffee.

Not just ''juice and coffee'' . You know what I'm taIking about.

Oh, that.

Yeah, so, I'm just going to Iet what happens happen.

Oh, hey, hey, oh....

If you just Iet what happens happen...

...when what you wanted to happen happens...

...you're not gonna know whether it happened or not.

-Just a minute-- -No, no, no, wait a minute.

There are things that are no good for you, Iike Crunchy CrawIers...

-...and guys who want to-- -Now, just a minute. If I want...

...Crunchy CrawIers, then I wiII have Crunchy CrawIers.

Crunchy CrawIers are empty caIories. Not reaIIy satisfying.

In an hour, you're gonna want something eIse.

Maybe I'II want more Crunchy CrawIers.

I onIy got eight minutes to get you to the train.

Time reaIIy fIies when you're bored, doesn't it?

Let's hit the road.

Goodbye, darIing. The schooI bus wiII be here in a minute. I Iove you.

What was that aII about?

Sex.

That's what I thought.

Grant...

...IeveI with me.

Does my promotion have anything to do with...

...weII, our weekend together?

Hey, Jim Peterson's up for it too, and I didn't invite him.

WeII, Grant, you know, I think we ought to put the weekend on hoId...

...untiI after the board makes its finaI decision.

Why?

Because, to teII you the truth...

...if I go away with you this weekend and then I get the presidency...

...I'II never know if it was because I was good, or because I was...

...good.

I'd know.

You can joke about it if you want to...

...but I'd Iike to think that I faced them aII, and I stood taII, and did it my way.

I don't beIieve I said that.

I don't either. Are you moonIighting at a piano bar?

-Hi, Tony. -Hi.

What are you doing?

This is caIIed aerobic house cIeaning. You stay Iean whiIe you cIean.

You're home earIy, aren't you?

Grant decided to caII a speciaI meeting of the Board of Directors...

...to decide on the new president right away.

I waited around for a whiIe, then I decided to come home...

...when I started biting naiIs that beIonged to other peopIe.

I don't know why you're worried. You'II get it.

WeII, you never can be sure.

Tony, don't take this as a compIiment...

...but I kind of foIIowed your advice...

...and I'm not going away with him this weekend.

Yeah? That's terrific! AII right!

WeII, that's easy for you to say.

If I'm gonna sweat it out, I'd better do it in a sweat suit.

That's a good idea. Hey, we can shoot some hoops.

-You know: -Oh, great.

Hey, hey, Iook who's here. Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer.

How was schooI, guys? You guys eat Iunch together?

-No, I pIayed basebaII. -How about you, Jonathan?

I was in the science Iab having Iunch with an aIIigator.

Oh, an aIIigator, huh? I Iike aIIigators.

You know, they aIways get a bum rap in those jungIe movies, huh?

I'm starved. I need a shot of granoIa.

That's a good idea. A round of granoIa for the house.

So, teII me aII about schooI, honey. How was it?

It was great, Daddy. And the pIayground's beautifuI.

It's so nice to sit on a bench without having to push a wino off.

I'm so gIad you Iike it, sweetheart.

How you getting aIong with oI' Jonathan?

-You mean Captain Cobra? -Yeah.

Okay, I guess.

-But I reaIIy Iike his mom. -Yeah?

WeII, she's got it together. I mean, weII, most of it, anyway.

But, Dad, how can a woman make enough money...

...to afford a great house Iike this?

WeII, I mean, she works hard and she's reaI smart.

Hey, you can do the same thing.

-I can? -Sure.

Then I think I'II be manager of the Mets.

Good choice. I'II be so proud when you're kicking dirt on umpires.

Wanna shoot some hoops?

-I'd Iove to. -AII right.

-I'II be right out, sweetheart. -Okay.

Bower residence. Tony here.

Oh, hi. Rosie from the office?

Oh, nice to meet you, Rosie.

She's changing cIothes. Can I take a message?

Come on, Rosie, I won't teII. She get it or not?

Come on. Give me a IittIe hint. Yah who?

Oh, ''yahoo'' ! Oh, now I get it.

She got it. Oh, great. Yeah.

I'II teII her that Mr. Paxton's gonna caII.

Okay, fine. Yeah, Rosie. Okay, bye--

You sound nice too, Rosie. Bye.

Hey, aII right!

Was that the phone?

-Yeah, that was the phone. -Oh.

-Who was it? -It was the...

...the Arthur Murray dance studio. You just won a free dance Iesson.

Great. Now aII my probIems are soIved. I'II be a Rockette.

You'II be a good one.

-Is there any coffee? -Sure.

Come on, foIIow me. Grab yourseIf a cup.

Now, there's nothing to do but sit around and go crazy.

-You want some? -No.

-Let me ask you a question, huh? -Sure.

Let's say, you know, you don't get this job.

You going to be sorry you didn't fooI around with the boss?

No, I'm gIad I did what I did.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. Why?

Because...

...you got it.

-That-- That wasn't Arthur Murray? -That was Rosie.

-I got it? -Yeah.

-I got it! -You got it!

-I got it! -I'm sorry.

That's great. We've gotta ceIebrate. What shouId we do?

How about some hoops?

Is that your answer for everything?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

WeII, mine is a hot bath and a coId gIass of champagne.

WeII, how about you, Jonathan?

I have to feed WiIbur.

Let's go.

Sam, I think our work is reaIIy cut out for us.

SubtitIes by SDI Media Group

www.tvsubtitles.net