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1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:06,004
Captioning made possible
by COMEDY CENTRAL
2
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,055
[man on radio] Name every single
musical by Stephen Sondheim
3
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,980
for two free tickets to
the Amy Grant concert
4
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:17,315
at the El Dorado theater.
5
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:18,816
OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SUCH A GIMME.
6
00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:19,930
HIT THE LIGHTS,
LET'S FIND A PHONE.
7
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:20,954
THAT IS SO EASY.
8
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:22,232
INTO THE WOODS,
SWEENEY TODD, COMPANY,
9
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,633
A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC,
MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG,
10
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:24,989
WEST SIDE STORY.
11
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:28,860
NO, I THOUGHT LEONARD
BERNSTEIN WROTE WEST SIDE STORY.
12
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,430
OH, NO, NO, HE DID, BUT THE
LYRICS ARE ACTUALLY BY...
13
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,832
[crash]
14
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,401
[sirens]
15
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,304
[tires screeching]
16
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,374
OH! OH...
17
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:49,147
[screaming]
18
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,570
[siren]
19
00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:15,819
[man] I THINK WE SHOULD ALL GIVE
20
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,243
A GREAT, BIG HAND
TO TRUDY WIEGEL,
21
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:19,711
WHO DID BEAUTIFUL COVER ARTWORK
22
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:22,714
FOR OUR NEW "BOMB
THREATS" BROCHURE.
23
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,415
[applause]
24
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,852
[woman] WAY TO GO, TRUDY.
25
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:30,054
DID YOU DO IT ON THE COMPUTER,
OR YOU JUST DREW IT BY...
26
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:31,923
ACTUALLY, I TOOK IT FROM
27
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,992
SPARKS' SHERIFF
DEPARTMENT "BOMB THREATS."
28
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,693
I JUST PHOTOCOPIED IT.
29
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:41,967
BUT I PHOTO... I PHOTOCOPIED IT.
30
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:42,967
OKAY, NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS.
31
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:48,172
WE HAVE RECEIVED HERE
AT THE DEPARTMENT...
32
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:52,477
THEY ARE DOING AN EXECUTION
OF A CONVICTED FELON
33
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,245
DOWN THERE IN CARSON CITY,
34
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:57,916
AND WE HAVE RECEIVED TWO
PASSES TO BE EYEWITNESSES
35
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,719
TO THE EXECUTION OF THIS...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS.
36
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:02,965
HE'S A SERIAL MURDERER
OR SOMETHING.
37
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,323
NOW, I KNOW THAT... I KNOW
EVERYBODY WANTS THESE,
38
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:09,394
SO WE'RE GONNA DO IT THE WAY
WE GENERALLY DO STUFF LIKE THIS,
39
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:10,162
AND WE'RE GONNA
DO A SCAVENGER HUNT.
40
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,265
[cheering]
41
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,044
WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE
FIGHTING CRIME TODAY,
42
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:19,504
KEEP ON THE LOOKOUT FOR
A CRACKHEAD WITH A WIG.
43
00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:20,438
FIVE POINTS.
44
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:21,541
EASY.
45
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,275
UH, PERP OVER 6'5",
THAT'S TEN POINTS.
46
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,879
MAN WITH TEATS IS FIVE.
47
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,914
BEST-LOOKING HOOKER, 15.
48
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,917
RED FOREIGN CAR, PERP
WITH AN ANIMAL TATTOO,
49
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:37,088
AND, UH, DOUBLE
POINTS IF THEY'RE JEWISH.
50
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,323
WHEN WE TALLY IT ALL UP,
51
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,269
WHOEVER'S GOT THE MOST
POINTS GETS THE PASSES.
52
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,028
AND, UH, DON'T BE
PLANTING EVIDENCE.
53
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:46,364
THEY HAVE TO BE A BONA...
BONA FIDE ARREST, OKAY?
54
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,366
JONES?
55
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:49,301
YEAH, UH, LIEUTENANT,
56
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:52,938
WOULD YOU MIND
SPECIFYING "MAN WITH TEATS"?
57
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,274
I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, I
GUESS, I'M A MAN WITH TEATS.
58
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,144
NO, THEY GOTTA BE BIGGER
THAN JONES' TO COUNT.
59
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:02,247
YOU GOTTA BE, REALLY, AT
LEAST LIKE A "B" OR "C" CUP.
60
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,016
SO AS YOU BOOK THEM,
I'LL TALLY THEM UP.
61
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:09,221
AND NO CHEATING, NO
CHEATING, NO CHEATING.
62
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,403
GETTING TWO TICKETS TO
THIS EXECUTION IS KINDA LIKE
63
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,858
GETTING TWO TICKETS
RIGHT UP FRONT AT NASCAR,
64
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,728
AND YOU KNOW THAT
JEFF GORDON'S GONNA DIE.
65
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,430
[Jones] IT'S RINGING, OKAY.
66
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,031
HELLO?
67
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,167
HI, YES, COULD I GET
A PIZZA FOR DELIVERY?
68
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,569
MM-HMM.
69
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:27,939
I'M ON PECKHAM AND...
70
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,041
NEIL.
71
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:29,942
NEIL.
72
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,187
NEAR THE REC CENTER.
73
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,211
NEAR THE REC CENTER.
74
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:33,111
COMPLEX, YEAH.
75
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,724
COMPLEX, YEAH, THE
REC CENTER COMPLEX.
76
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:39,017
COULD I GET A LARGE
PEPPERONI, MUSH.
77
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,518
TELL THEM, UH...
78
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,120
15 MINUTES?
79
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,988
YEAH, COULD I GET
THAT IN 15 MINUTES?
80
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:47,124
I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXTRA $20.
81
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,404
NEVER GONNA MAKE IT.
82
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,668
IT'S ABOUT 47 MILES FROM HERE.
83
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,296
OKAY, GREAT.
84
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,832
THANKS.
85
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,201
COOL, HE'S THE GUY, RIGHT?
86
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,402
HE'S THE ONE.
87
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:58,714
HE'S THE ONE.
88
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,037
OH, THERE HE IS.
89
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:01,373
FLIP ON THE OLD LIGHTS THERE.
90
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,808
HEY... SLOW DOWN THERE.
91
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,878
LOOK AT THAT, MARIO IN THE PITS.
92
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,813
GO, ALL RIGHT.
93
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,716
OH.
94
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,017
HOW YOU DOING TODAY, SIR?
95
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:14,686
UM, HI.
96
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,366
HI, I NEED YOU TO DO
THREE THINGS FOR ME.
97
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,956
CAN YOU SHUT OFF YOUR VEHICLE,
98
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,591
GRAB YOUR LICENSE,
99
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,593
AND STEP OUT OF
THE CAR THERE, SIR?
100
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:24,495
OKAY, DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
101
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,497
WELL, WE GOT YOU FOR
SPEEDING THERE, BUDDY.
102
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:27,966
WHOA!
103
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,835
LET ME SEE, WHOA, YIKES.
104
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:31,736
YOU'RE PHIL?
105
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,038
YES, YEAH.
106
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,073
OKAY, HOW TALL
ARE YOU, PHIL 6'9"?
107
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,808
6'9", YEAH.
108
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,577
HIGH UP TOP.
109
00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:41,446
PHIL, ARE YOU A JEW?
110
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,047
JEW? NO, NO, NO, NO.
111
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,049
I SWEAR.
112
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,452
NO? DAMMIT.
113
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,387
OKAY, WELL, POP
ON IN THERE, PHIL.
114
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,723
PIZZA...
115
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,069
YEAH, WE'LL DELIVER
THAT FOR YOU.
116
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,859
IT'S PECKHAM AND NEIL, RIGHT?
117
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,361
YEAH, WAIT, HOW DO YOU...
118
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,897
WELL, THAT'S WHERE
THEY ALWAYS GO.
119
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,331
HUH?
120
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:03,701
OKAY, SO WE GOT HIM
FOR SPEEDING AND...
121
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,471
DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE.
122
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,673
CRACKHEADS, CRACKHEADS.
123
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:12,644
ISN'T ONE OF YOUR FIRST
COUSINS REALLY SUPER TALL?
124
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,814
YEAH, BUT HE JUST
MOVED TO DENVER.
125
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,449
YEAH THAT'S A BIT OF A HAUL.
126
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:20,151
UNCLE STEVE JUST
MOVED TO DENVER.
127
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:21,831
HE'S YOUR UNCLE? I THOUGHT
HE WAS YOUR FIRST COUSIN.
128
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,488
NO, NO, NO, WELL, IT'S BOTH.
129
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,090
IT'S KIND OF A
COMPLICATED THING.
130
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,625
HIS MOM AND MY GRANDMA...
131
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,594
YEAH, THEIR STUMP
RUNS PRETTY TIGHT.
132
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:34,766
UH... CRACKHEAD WITH A
WIG RIGHT THERE... BOOM.
133
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,634
NO, REGULAR LADY.
134
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:37,747
REGULAR OLD LADY.
135
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:38,936
WAIT A SECOND.
136
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,505
I DON'T WANNA
PLANT CRACK ON HER.
137
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,785
WE COULD.
138
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,019
THAT'S A WIG, BUT I DON'T
WANNA PLANT CRACK ON HER.
139
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,410
BIG MIKE, BIG MIKE!
140
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,811
MAKE A LEFT UP AT THIS CORNER.
141
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,324
BIG MIKE'S BEEN
BRAGGING ABOUT GETTING
142
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,748
A BRAND-NEW TIGER
TATTOO OR SOMETHING.
143
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,729
HE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT
IT ALL WEEK LONG, YEAH.
144
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,196
OH, MAN, AND IF HE
HAS CRACK ON HIM...
145
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:55,497
YEAH, HE ALWAYS
HAS CRACK ON HIM.
146
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:56,287
YOU THINK?
147
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:57,188
YEAH, YEAH.
148
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,890
OH, THERE HE IS,
BA-BOOM, BIG MIKE.
149
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,992
CAPTAIN OF SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR.
150
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,695
MAN WITH AN ANIMAL TATTOO.
151
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:04,797
OH, FIVE POINTS.
152
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:05,997
HEY, MIKE.
153
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,966
HOW YOU DOING, BIG MIKE?
SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
154
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,902
HOW YOU DOING, MIKE?
155
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,004
HEY, YOU WANNA
PUT THAT HOSE DOWN?
156
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,149
HEY, HEY!
157
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,340
PUT THE HOSE DOWN, MIKE.
158
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,508
PUT THE HOSE DOWN, MIKE.
159
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,777
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA...
160
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,179
ILLEGAL TO FILL UP A POOL?
161
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,380
NO, NO, PUT IT DOWN.
162
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:23,748
DON'T FREAK OUT.
163
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:24,883
I'M NOT FREAKING OUT.
164
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,585
HEY, MIKE, MIKE!
165
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:27,585
DON'T SHOOT THE MAILBOX.
166
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,422
MIKE, HEY, HEY, HEY!
167
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,590
MIKE, MIKE!
168
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:36,727
[shouting]
169
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,362
I GOT HIM, I GOT HIM!
170
00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,664
GET DOWN!
171
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,466
DOWN ON THE GROUND!
172
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,068
WHERE'S YOUR TATTOO THERE, MIKE?
173
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,247
WHERE'S YOUR TATTOO?
174
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,504
THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS!
175
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:47,105
[screaming]
176
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,607
THAT'S A NICE-LOOKING DRAGON
THERE YOU GOT THERE, MIKE.
177
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:50,842
IT'S A PANTHER.
178
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:51,944
THAT'S A DRAGON.
179
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,022
CAN YOU SEE IT?
180
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,279
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A PANTHER?
181
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:55,480
IT'S A PANTHER.
182
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,862
NO, THAT'S A DRAGON.
183
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,517
MY SISTER'S SHOP...
184
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,651
SHE PUT IT ON AND
SAID IT WAS A PANTHER.
185
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,987
NO, THAT'S A DRAGON.
186
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,455
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
187
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,356
I'M GONNA HAVE TO PAT
YOU DOWN NOW, MIKE.
188
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:08,426
IT'S A DRAGON, IT
AIN'T A PANTHER.
189
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,473
JUST PUT YOUR HANDS THERE,
AND WE GOTTA PAT YOU DOWN.
190
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,696
IT AIN'T A PANTHER?
191
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:12,909
WE CAN'T TAKE HIM IN
JUST FOR THE TATTOO.
192
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,199
IT'S A DRAGON, I GOT A DRAGON?
193
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:16,412
LEAVE HER ALONE.
194
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,769
WE GOT A...
195
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,504
THAT'S NOT ILLEGAL.
196
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,873
HE'S GOT $3, THAT'S NOT ILLEGAL.
197
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,495
WHAT AM I GETTING
CHARGED WITH, MAN?
198
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,009
WATERING THE LAWN
AND HANGING OUT
199
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:28,446
AND BEING PEACEABLE AND
STUFF AND HANGING OUT?
200
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:29,948
HE DID THREATEN
US WITH THE HOSE.
201
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,817
HE ALMOST SPRAYED
US WITH A HOSE.
202
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:35,787
I GOT A [bleep] DRAGON
TATTOOED INSTEAD OF A PANTHER.
203
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,222
WE GOTTA GET SOMETHING ON HIM.
204
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,444
I'M GONNA KILL YOU, BRENDA!
205
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,657
HEY, HEY!
206
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,626
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
207
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,728
THAT'S ILLEGAL, THAT'S ILLEGAL.
208
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:45,040
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT.
209
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:46,698
I'M NOT GONNA KILL HER.
210
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,800
I'M JUST GONNA [bleep] HER UP.
211
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:49,768
NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
212
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,203
I'M SORRY, MIKE.
213
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,839
WELL, UH, IT IS A DRAGON.
214
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,175
IT'S NOT A TRADITIONAL ANIMAL
215
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,311
IN THE CANON OF
ANIMALS, BUT, UH...
216
00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:00,456
FIVE POINTS.
217
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,881
IT'S A PRETTY GOOD
START, PRETTY GOOD START.
218
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,423
I THOUGHT IT WAS
A [bleep] PANTHER.
219
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,653
[siren]
220
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,388
IF I WIN THE
SCAVENGER HUNT, OKAY,
221
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,657
AND IF I GET THOSE
TICKETS TO THE EXECUTION,
222
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:17,896
YOU KNOW, THOSE HAVE A MARKET
VALUE OF AT LEAST $300 APIECE.
223
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,397
I'M SELLING THEM, I GOTTA
GET A REFRIGERATOR.
224
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,034
[laughing]
225
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:27,873
YEAH... ALL RIGHT.
226
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,740
HEY, HEY, HEY, LADIES, HOLD ON.
227
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,475
EVERYBODY COME BACK.
228
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,711
HUH? COME ON, BRING IT ON BACK.
229
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,646
COME ON.
230
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:41,820
LET ME GET A GOOD
LOOK AT... YOU.
231
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,122
NO, MM-MM.
232
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,091
YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT TOO THICK.
233
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,993
SISTER, COME HERE, COME HERE.
234
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,728
COME STAND RIGHT HERE.
235
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,263
REASON I CAN'T PICK YOU...
SEE, YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT...
236
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,200
WHEN THE EDGES IS IN AFRICA
AND THE BACK IS IN CHINA,
237
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:58,970
THEM CONTINENTS DON'T MEET, HUH?
238
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,171
HUH?
239
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,473
YOU GO ON AND GET YOU
SOME HAIR THAT BLENDS IN.
240
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:07,111
COME HERE, COME HERE.
241
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:11,115
YOU GOT POTENTIAL.
242
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,451
GIRLS, IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.
243
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,454
Y'ALL STAYING, SHE GOING.
244
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,656
LET'S GO, THATAWAY.
245
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,525
CIAO???.
246
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,760
YEAH, CIAO???.
247
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,929
HAHA!
248
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,498
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, STAND UP.
249
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,965
STAND UP STRAIGHT.
250
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,868
LOOK, RIGHT HERE,
RIGHT ACROSS HERE,
251
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,837
IN YOUR T-ZONE,
YOU'RE KINDA OILY.
252
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,116
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
253
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:34,872
MY TEETH?
254
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:38,409
NO, NOT YOUR TEETH... T-ZONE!
255
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:41,045
ALL YOU NEED NOW
IS A BEAUTY MARK.
256
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,013
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
257
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,648
NO???
258
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,750
BEAUTY MARK, MOLE,
THIS RIGHT HERE.
259
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,085
[foreign language]
260
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:51,055
GIRL, WILL YOU PLEASE GET
OFF ME ABOUT THE SIDEBURNS?
261
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,334
YOU'RE NOT GETTING
SIDEBURNS, NO!
262
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,525
I SAID NO! NOW ZIP IT.
263
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,628
IF I WIN THE SCAVENGER
HUNT, I'M TAKING JONESY,
264
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,730
OFFICER JONES.
265
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,735
WHAT? WHAT'S THE LOOK?
266
00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:06,071
NO LOOK.
267
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,739
NO LOOK.
268
00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,574
YOU WERE THE ONE LOOKING AT ME.
269
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,677
I'M JUST LOOKING
TO SEE WHY YOU...
270
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,679
SEEM LIKE YOU STARING
DAGGERS AT ME ALL OF A SUDDEN.
271
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,483
I WASN'T STARING DAGGERS AT YOU.
272
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,752
I WAS LOOKING AT YOU
'CAUSE YOU WERE TALKING.
273
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:23,299
I DON'T THINK JONES WOULD
GO WITH YOU, ANYWAY.
274
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:26,358
HE WOULD.
275
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,759
HE LIKES WHITE
CHOCOLATE, I THINK.
276
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:32,097
I KNOW FOR A PERSONAL FACT
THAT JONES EATS THE DARK PIECE
277
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,166
OFF THE CHICKEN, HUH?
278
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,901
HUH?
279
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:40,972
AND I'VE SEEN HIM...
280
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,974
VERY CLOSE TO SOME
WHITE BREAST MEAT.
281
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:43,941
YOU HAVE NOT.
282
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:44,776
YES, I HAVE.
283
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:45,543
YOU HAVE NOT.
284
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,411
ON MANY OCCASIONS.
285
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,178
YOU HAVE NOT!
286
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,179
ON MANY OCCASIONS.
287
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,981
PLEASE.
288
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:54,419
COME ON OVER HERE AND LET
ME GET A GOOD LOOK AT YOU.
289
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,087
OH...
290
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,021
[foreign language]
291
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:58,823
LOOK AT YOU.
292
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,758
[foreign language]
293
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:04,862
BEAUTIFUL, HOLLYWOOD?
YES, WHATEVER, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
294
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,197
JENNIFER LOPEZ.
295
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:09,100
NO, YOU AIN'T JENNIFER
LOPEZ, BUT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
296
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:13,504
YOU ARE, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE
BEST-LOOKING HOOKER IN RENO.
297
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,840
NOW YOU'RE GOING
TO JAIL, GET IN THE CAR.
298
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:17,042
[foreign language]
299
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,345
COME ON, WE GOING
DOWN, HERE, PUT THESE ON.
300
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,613
[Trudy] RED FOREIGN CAR.
301
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:26,817
FIVE POINTS FOR TRUDY WIEGEL.
302
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,152
HELLO THERE, SIR.
303
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,389
I'M GONNA NEED TO SEE A
LICENSE AND REGI... CRAP.
304
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,824
I LEFT IT IN NEUTRAL.
305
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:36,227
OH, [bleep]!
306
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:39,330
[bleeping]
307
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,267
[screaming]
308
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:51,509
OH, CRAP.
309
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,011
LOOKED LIKE HE MIGHT'VE
BEEN A JEW, TOO, [bleep].
310
00:11:57,984 --> 00:11:59,595
A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK ME, "HOW
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE, GARCIA,
311
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:02,954
IF YOU GOT THE DEATH
PENALTY, IF YOU GOT EXECUTED?"
312
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,224
I WOULD LIKE TO BE BURIED
IN DIRT UP TO MY NECK
313
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,758
WITH MY HEAD STICKING OUT
314
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,928
AND HAVE A COBRA STRIKE
ME RIGHT IN THE FACE,
315
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:13,798
'CAUSE I WANNA SEE
DEATH COMING AT ME.
316
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,177
I WANNA FEEL THE FANGS GOING IN.
317
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,079
I WANT TO FEEL THE VENOM
POURING INTO MY FACE.
318
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:23,041
AND THEN WATCH THE SNAKE
BACK AWAY AS I SLOWLY FADE AWAY.
319
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,308
OH, YEAH.
320
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,845
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DIE
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DIE.
321
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:33,784
FOR INSTANCE, IF CLEMMY
WANTED ME TO KILL HER, I WOULD.
322
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,519
I WOULD DO THAT FOR HER.
323
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:38,089
BECAUSE IT TAKES A VILLAGE.
324
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,457
YEAH.
325
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,560
IT'S THAT SUNNY ATTITUDE
THAT KEEPS THE MEN AWAY.
326
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,133
YES, YES, YES, YES!
327
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:51,935
HI.
328
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,338
SIR, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW GLAD I AM TO SEE YOU.
329
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,808
I... ACTUALLY, COULD
YOU STEP OUT OF THE CAR
330
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:01,146
WITH ME FOR A SECOND?
331
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:03,614
THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE IT.
332
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,816
OH, NO PROBLEM.
333
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,319
WOW, HOW TALL ARE YOU?
334
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,621
I'M 6'10".
335
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:10,722
6 FEET, 10 INCHES?
336
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:11,867
YES, MA'AM.
337
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,257
YES!
338
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,259
UH, I'M AFRAID, UM,
339
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,572
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
340
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,629
WHY?
341
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:22,533
UH, FOR PICKING UP A HITCHHIKER.
342
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,046
YOU CAN'T PICK UP A HITCHHIKER
IN THE STATE OF NEVADA
343
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,203
OR IN THE CITY OF RENO.
344
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,506
IT'S ILLEGAL, SO I'M GONNA
HAVE TO TAKE YOU IN.
345
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:33,711
IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND
WE TOOK YOUR CAR,
346
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,914
AND I'LL JUST RIDE IN
THE PASSENGER SEAT,
347
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:39,216
BUT DON'T TRY ANY
FUNNY STUFF, BUDDY.
348
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:43,721
MIGHT HAVE TO SHOOT
YOU OR SOMETHING.
349
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:47,625
WAIT, SO I'M UNDER ARREST,
AND I HAVE TO DRIVE?
350
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,629
OH, MAN.
351
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,097
HE'S OUT THERE PARTYING.
352
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,465
OHH...
353
00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:55,733
FRIDAY NIGHT, MY FRIEND.
354
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,713
MAYBE HE'S JEWISH, LOOKS
KINDA JEWISH, DON'T HE?
355
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,169
HE DOES LOOK JEWISH, LET'S SEE.
356
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,206
NO, NO.
357
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,141
HI, SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
358
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,076
HOW YOU DOING TONIGHT, SIR?
359
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,077
HOW YOU DOING TONIGHT, SIR?
360
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,913
[singing]
361
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,715
IMPRESSIVE.
362
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,097
SIR, DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH, SIR?
363
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,351
YES, I SPEAK ENGLISH.
364
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:14,752
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
365
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,954
[nonsense]
366
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,289
HELLO.
367
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,369
HELLO, HOW DO YOU DO?
SIR, DO YOU HAVE ANY ATTIRE?
368
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,960
UH, WHAT HAPPENED
TO ALL YOUR ATTIRE, SIR...
369
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:24,561
YOUR PANTS, CLOTHING?
370
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:27,732
THE PANTS IS NO
MORE... NO MORE PANTS.
371
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,433
WELL, THAT'S ABUNDANTLY CLEAR.
372
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,536
VERY, VERY HOT.
373
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:36,039
IT'S A COLD NIGHT IN THE
BIGGEST LITTLE CITY IN THE WORLD.
374
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,219
SIR, YOU'RE HIGH.
375
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:39,310
HAVE YOU TAKEN DRUGS?
376
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,714
WELL, I WAS LOOKING FOR...
I LOST MY CELL PHONE, TOO.
377
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,226
IF YOU SEE MY CELL
PHONE, LET ME KNOW.
378
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,317
♪ HAPPY NIGHT ♪
379
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:49,453
♪ NO MORE WORK FOR HRAIR ♪
380
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,255
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?
381
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:52,357
HRAIR.
382
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,457
HELLO?
383
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,591
HRAIR.
384
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:55,827
HAROD?
385
00:14:55,929 --> 00:15:00,197
H-R-A-I-R.
386
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,099
YOUR NAME STARTS WITH
AN "H" AND THEN AN "R"?
387
00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,534
HRAIR MNUKIEN.
388
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,668
MNUKIEN?
389
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,070
ARE YOU ARMENIAN?
390
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,072
YES, HOW YOU KNOW?
ARE YOU ARMENIAN?
391
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,408
NO, DO I LOOK
ARMENIAN TO YOU, SIR?
392
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:14,379
WHERE'D YOU GET THE... WHERE'D
YOU GET THE ECSTASY, SIR?
393
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,546
MY BROTHER.
394
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:16,713
YOUR BROTHER?
395
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:18,049
YOU HAVE ANY MORE GUM?
396
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,650
YOU GOT SOME GUM.
397
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,829
YOU HAVE GUM IN YOUR MOUTH, SIR.
398
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,886
NO MORE FLAVOR.
399
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,365
OKAY, TELL YOU
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
400
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,890
WE'RE GONNA DRIVE TO JAIL,
AND THEN WHEN WE GET TO JAIL,
401
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,592
IF YOU'RE GOOD, YOU GET THE GUM.
402
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,726
OKAY, HRAIR?
403
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:32,530
YOU'RE VERY NICE
STREET-CLEANING POLICEMEN.
404
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,265
[phone ringing]
405
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,302
SOMETHING'S RINGING IN HERE.
406
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,237
OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT.
407
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,173
HELLO?
408
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,309
OKAY.
409
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:47,211
THAT WAS LIKE SOME
MacGYVER [bleep].
410
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:48,991
WE WERE ABLE TO FIGURE
THAT DAMN THING OUT.
411
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,581
A LITTLE CRIME SOLVING THERE.
412
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,050
COULDN'T FIND THE PANTS,
CALLED THE PHONE IN THE PANTS.
413
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,919
THERE'S ONE FOR
FATHER DOWLING, HUH?
414
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,267
OH, MAN, IT'S ALMOST 11:00, WE
GOTTA GET BACK TO THE STATION.
415
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,756
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
416
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,525
TYLER TIME.
417
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,261
I WISH HE WAS A JEW.
418
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,308
[Dangle] MOMENT OF TRUTH,
MOMENT OF TRUTH, HERE WE GO.
419
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,132
AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
420
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:11,202
THE WINNER IS RAINEESHA
WILLIAMS, 25 POINTS.
421
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,205
[cheering]
422
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,651
GIMME THE TICKETS,
GIMME THE TICKETS.
423
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,842
HEY, WHOA, HOPE
I'M NOT TOO LATE.
424
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,310
HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE.
425
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,778
WHAT DOES GARCIA HAVE HERE?
426
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,749
I BELIEVE I HAVE A CRACKHEAD
WITH A WIG, FIVE POINTS.
427
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:28,553
I BELIEVE YOU'RE OVER
6'5", THAT'S 15 POINTS.
428
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,221
WE GOT A PERP WITH
AN ANIMAL TATTOO.
429
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,990
THAT'S GONNA BE ANOTHER FIVE.
430
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:34,136
[Williams] I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
431
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,720
LOOK AT THAT, LET'S
GET IT ON UP THERE.
432
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:36,461
LET ME STAN OUT OF THE WAY HERE.
433
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,695
SEE THAT? THAT'S A BIRD.
434
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,430
THAT'S 20 POINTS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
435
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,465
HELLO, HELLO, MR. WINNER!
436
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:42,611
I GOT 25 POINTS.
437
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,155
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
438
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:47,071
YOU KNOW WHAT? I ALMOST FORGOT.
439
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,674
THE PlèCE DE RéSISTANCE.
440
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,875
LOOK AT THAT, STAR OF DANIEL.
441
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,977
LOOK AT THAT, 20 X 2 IS 40.
442
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,714
I BELIEVE THAT MAKES ME
THE WINNER BY 15 POINTS.
443
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,249
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
444
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,895
THAT DON'T PROVE
NOTHING, THAT'S JUST A THING.
445
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:04,322
OH, YEAH, JEFF GREENBERG
ON HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE.
446
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,224
JEFF GREENBERG, READ IT.
447
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:09,460
GARCIA WINS, GARCIA WINS.
448
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:13,297
SO, CLEMMY, YOU AND ME,
BABY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
449
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,399
I WOULDN'T GO TO THAT
EXECUTION WITH YOU, GARCIA,
450
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,436
IF A UNICORN FLEW
OUT OF MY BUTT CRACK
451
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,671
BECAUSE THAT IS A FRESH TATTOO.
452
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,840
IT'S BLEEDING.
453
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,409
GET OUT, GARCIA, DON'T
NOBODY WANNA GO.
454
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:26,544
GET OUT.
455
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,823
I'M GONNA GO BY MYSELF
THEN, I'LL FIND SOMEBODY.
456
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,647
I'LL FIND SOMEBODY,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
457
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,750
[man] THEY BETTER FIND
SOME CRACK ON THAT... THING.
458
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,588
[siren]
459
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,659
THAT TATTOO ON THAT WOMAN.
460
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,101
HE'S GOING TO JAIL.
461
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,341
HEY, BEAUTIFUL.
462
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,877
[foreign language]
463
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:03,180
YES, FOR YOU, I
GOT THAT FOR YOU.
464
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,383
THAT'S MY HOOKER, GARCIA.
465
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,452
[foreign language]
466
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:10,821
DON'T WAVE AT ME
NOW, GIRL, I MADE YOU.
467
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:14,158
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE
THIS, WHOA, WHOA!
468
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,470
CAREFUL, RIGHT?
469
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:17,661
WE'RE SPEAKING
THE SAME LANGUAGE.
470
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,863
[Jones] PUNK ASS.
471
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:22,966
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS.
472
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,472
YOU LIKE GOING DOWNTOWN?
473
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,574
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
474
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,676
I GOTTA MOVE THE SEAT UP.
475
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,846
OH, WHAT THE HELL.
476
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,350
I'LL GIVE HER A SHOT ANYWAYS.
477
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,831
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT A BURGER OR SOMETHING
478
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,855
BEFORE WE GO?
479
00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:50,828
[honking]
480
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:53,297
[man] DRIVE SAFE!
481
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,471
[crash]
482
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:03,907
OHH...
483
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:05,443
[screaming]
484
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,878
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
485
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,713
WELCOME TO BENIHANA.
486
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:14,818
[imitating Japanese]
487
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,321
THAT'S WHAT WE
MAKE AT BENIHANA'S.
488
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:20,057
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY,
IT IS NOW ADULT SKATE.
489
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,659
IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME STUFF,
490
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,361
THERE WAS A GUY
WITH A FLAMETHROWER
491
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,730
AT THE MEAT AND PRODUCE STORE.
492
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,666
HE HAD A FLAMETHROWER.
493
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,301
IT WAS HORRIFYING.
494
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,470
I WAS THERE...
THIS WAS EARLIER...
495
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,438
HE PROBABLY MIGHT
STILL BE THERE.
496
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:38,476
HE WAS WALKING AROUND, AND
HE GRABBED THIS WOMAN'S BABY,
497
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,922
AND HE HELD IT UP
WITH A FLAMETHROWER.
498
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,013
AND HE'S LIKE, "I'M GONNA
BURN THIS BABY, EVERYBODY!"
499
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,326
AND EVERYBODY WAS LIKE, "DON'T!"
500
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,685
I STARTED CRYING,
IT WAS SO SCARY.
501
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:51,055
STEP DOWN OUT OF THAT
TRUCK FOR ME, IF YOU WOULD.
502
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,694
[siren]
503
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,463
Captioning made possible
by COMEDY CENTRAL
504
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:02,333
Captioned by Soundwriters™
505
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,337
WHAT IS A HAND JOB?
506
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:10,907
YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN OR
RECEIVED A HAND JOB BEFORE?
507
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,243
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT IS IT?
508
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:14,723
YOU'RE A 40-YEAR-OLD WOMAN
WHO'S NEVER HEARD OF A HAND JOB?
509
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,179
I CAN BELIEVE THAT.
510
00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:18,115
PUT IT IN CONTEXT.
511
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,218
WHAT JOB CAN YOUR HAND DO?
512
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:29,927
SHE'S NEVER...
NEVER DONE IT EITHER.
513
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,628
WHAT DID YOU THINK
A HAND JOB WAS?
514
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:32,730
I KNEW, I KNEW.
515
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:33,664
WHAT ON EARTH...
516
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:34,966
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS.
35120
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