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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,339
♪♪
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,174
Wake up!
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:10,043
Why can't I have
a normal alarm clock?
4
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,746
You have one.
And these batteries never die.
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,718
♪ Like you loved me before ♪
mm!
6
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,453
♪ This time I want you ♪
you should probably
get ready,
7
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,587
or you're gonna be late
for school.
♪ to love me much more ♪
8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,623
But I want to finish watching
the boyz ii men video.
9
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:25,158
♪ This time insteadjust come to my bed ♪
10
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,461
You know, your dad's the
first white guy I ever dated.
11
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,296
♪ And, baby, just don't... ♪
12
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,998
School's giving you
a choice of activities
13
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,433
for your fifth-period
elective.
14
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:34,668
I chose piccolo.
15
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,004
Piccolo?!
But I wanted leatherwork!
16
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,038
I was gonna craft myself
17
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,008
a pair of timbos
or maybe a saddle.
18
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,175
No,
you're learning piccolo.
19
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:45,078
Why?!
All: Because I said so!
20
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,180
Can I borrow some money?
21
00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:49,016
There's a cd sale
at Sam goody's.
22
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,350
Oh...
23
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,185
don't you get your allowance
on Friday?
24
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,022
Please, daddy?
25
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,225
Anything for
my little Princess.
26
00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,660
Okay.
27
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:03,664
Well, I at least need you
to take out the garbage.
28
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,567
♪♪
29
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,703
Have a good day, boys.
30
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,105
You're going to work, dad,
not jail.
31
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:15,242
I agree with Eddie.
It's a little much.
32
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:18,045
Uh, Evan?
Where's Evan?
33
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,379
He started power-walking
to school
34
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:20,280
with the neighborhood
ladies.
35
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:24,451
I'm thinking we go up
high street this morning.
36
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,056
Pain is weakness
leaving the body, girls!
37
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,593
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
38
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,428
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪
39
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,229
♪ if you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
40
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,731
♪ fresh off the boat ♪
41
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,233
♪ homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
42
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,368
♪ but I know where I'm goin' ♪
43
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:42,402
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
44
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,471
♪♪
45
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:47,240
Barefoot Dave:
"They're just like
46
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,076
little purple tennis balls."
47
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,378
Anyway, that's how my mom
tried to sell me on plums.
48
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,246
Man,
you had a weekend!
49
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,682
Oh, no.
Here come the 8th graders.
50
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,318
♪♪
51
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,520
Man!
52
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,989
Ugh!
53
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:05,258
My cheese tool!
54
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,498
Hey, is it cool
if I sit with you guys?
55
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:14,701
Yeah, sure!
We got plenty of room.
56
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,003
Unh!
57
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,374
Repeating 8th grade
sucks.
58
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,209
All my friends
are in high school,
59
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,077
and the new 8th graders
hate me
60
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,278
because I picked on them
last year
61
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,280
when they were all
dumb 7th graders.
62
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,315
No offense.
63
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,416
All: None taken.
64
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,717
I'm sitting on the floor.
65
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,586
And now
i have to get tutored
66
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,287
during
my 5th-period elective.
67
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,455
I feel you, girl.
68
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:38,058
For my elective,
i have to take piccolo.
69
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,060
Oh, like that puppet
that becomes a real boy.
70
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,429
Yep.
71
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,066
Sorry, Nicole.
Won't happen again.
72
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,538
Are they...
Afraid of you?
73
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:52,539
Those ding-wads?
74
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,542
They better be.
75
00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,679
You clown jockeys
looking at something?!
76
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,381
♪♪
77
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,020
Hey, Jessica!
What's going on?
78
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,989
Stephen king book club,
remember?
79
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,323
"Pet sematary"?
80
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:13,326
I brought hush puppies
we can bury in our mouths.
81
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:18,231
I haven't even started it.
82
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,533
I've been going through
these parenting guides,
83
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,734
looking for some help
with Nicole.
84
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,271
"Daughter,
we're in this together."
85
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,739
But you're not even
her real mother.
86
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,441
You're her stepmother.
87
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,242
All you have to do is day-drink
and criticize her weight.
88
00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:31,545
Marvin only sees her
as daddy's little girl,
89
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:35,048
so I have to be
the strict parent...
Mm.
90
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,183
...which I hate.
91
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,318
Because we have made
so much progress as friends.
92
00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,487
Why are Americans
so obsessed
93
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,155
with being friends
with their children?
94
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,157
I have
no children friends.
95
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,127
Okay, sure, but don't --
look, your job
isn't to be buddy-buddy.
96
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,296
It's to do what's best
for Nicole,
97
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,597
even if
she doesn't like it.
98
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,999
Do you play chess?
99
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,134
No.
100
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,136
Oh, but Marvin and i
did meet playing twister.
101
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,707
Okay, so, in chess,
102
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:03,610
you have to think
several moves ahead.
103
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,612
Like how Eddie
doesn't want to learn piccolo
104
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:09,449
but I'm making him because
2,000 marching-band scholarships
105
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:12,352
go unclaimed every year
at colleges!
106
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:16,189
That may work with Eddie,
but Nicole's a teenager now,
107
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,458
so I can't just force her
to do what I want.
108
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,594
Horse dumplings!
Of course you can!
109
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,130
Children are never too old
to be controlled!
110
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,431
It's just like chess.
111
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,200
Children are the pawns,
and you are the queen.
112
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,401
And as the queen,
113
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,704
you control all the other pieces
on the board.
114
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,473
Then the king
just stands around
115
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:35,108
and takes credit
for your work.
116
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,411
Standing, shorts.
117
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,281
I could do this all day.
118
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,216
Ah, would you look
at that, huh?
119
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:47,587
That's what I see
every time I look at Nicole.
120
00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:49,356
No matter
how old she gets,
121
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,724
she'll always be
daddy's little girl.
122
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,459
Must be nice.
123
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,294
She probably
still hugs you.
124
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,129
Every day.
125
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,297
I'll tell you,
126
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,432
there's something magical
about having a girl.
127
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,136
I have always wondered
what it would be like.
128
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,305
♪♪
129
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,010
♪ forever and ever ♪
130
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,279
♪ I love you so ♪
131
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:16,283
♪ forever and ever ♪
132
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,752
♪ want to let you know ♪
133
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:22,722
♪ just what you mean to me ♪
134
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:26,426
♪ and all your charms ♪
135
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,562
♪ you've got that magic touch ♪
136
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,564
♪ a magic smile ♪
137
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,731
Just because
she's married
138
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,067
doesn't mean
she can get fat.
139
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,339
So magical.
140
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,107
♪♪
141
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,243
I can't believe
I've got to go to tutoring.
142
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,245
At least you don't have to
go to piccolo.
143
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,247
Why do I have
to learn instruments?
144
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,415
I am an instrument.
145
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,451
That's all I have so far.
146
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:52,752
Afternoon, Nicole.
147
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:55,188
Ooh, this must be
your tutor.
148
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,524
Normally, the older students
tutor the younger ones,
149
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,993
but you're obviously
the exception.
150
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,329
My wife's Asian,
so I get it.
151
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,497
Tutor?! No, I --
yes!
152
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,499
Uh, Eddie's my tutor.
Just one second.
153
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,704
Tutor?!
I can't teach!
154
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:14,307
I can educate sucka mcs,
but that's not the same!
155
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,309
No, listen,
i-it'll be awesome.
156
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,311
This way, you and me
can just hang out all period
157
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,213
and, like,
listen to music and stuff.
158
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,249
Yeah.
159
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,316
That could be dope.
160
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,019
And this way,
i can get out of piccolo!
161
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,021
My mom will love
that I'm tutoring.
162
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,724
How can you not love
tutoring?!
163
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,093
Because it's one step away
from teacher,
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00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,728
which is
one missed paycheck away
165
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,564
from homeless man with dirty dog
and socks for gloves.
166
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,466
That doesn't even make
any sense.
167
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,167
It doesn't have to make sense.
You know why?
168
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,136
Because you said so!
169
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,674
You better not be going
into the kitchen to eat ravioli!
170
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,410
♪♪
171
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:58,164
Hey, sweetie!
No!
172
00:06:58,164 --> 00:07:00,333
But you don't even know
what I'm asking.
173
00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,701
You called me "sweetie,"
174
00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,169
so you probably want
something extravagant
175
00:07:03,169 --> 00:07:05,071
like a boat
or a new party shirt.
176
00:07:05,071 --> 00:07:07,907
Let's have another baby --
a girl one!
177
00:07:07,907 --> 00:07:09,742
Are you crazy?!
Shop is closed!
178
00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:16,148
Emery: A daughter?
179
00:07:16,148 --> 00:07:18,584
I have horrible news.
180
00:07:18,584 --> 00:07:20,253
Grandma finally
caught that bird?
181
00:07:20,253 --> 00:07:22,722
Worse.
Dad wants a daughter.
182
00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:25,057
That is worse.
183
00:07:25,057 --> 00:07:27,326
If we get a sister,
she'll take over our room.
184
00:07:27,326 --> 00:07:30,329
We'd have to move in
with Eddie.
185
00:07:30,329 --> 00:07:32,231
But only
until he goes to college.
186
00:07:38,871 --> 00:07:40,673
Eddie in college?!
It just came out!
187
00:07:40,673 --> 00:07:41,707
It just came out!
188
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:46,879
Jessica, I did it!
189
00:07:46,879 --> 00:07:48,214
Aah! Whoo!
You did what?
190
00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:51,050
Oh, Nicole asked me
for money.
191
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,718
And I didn't
give her any!
192
00:07:52,718 --> 00:07:55,054
Good, because
you are the queen.
193
00:07:55,054 --> 00:07:56,122
You tell her "no."
194
00:07:56,122 --> 00:07:57,723
Uh, well...
195
00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,626
Nicole: Honey!
Where's your purse?!
196
00:08:00,626 --> 00:08:02,895
Can't hear you!
I'm in the shower!
197
00:08:02,895 --> 00:08:04,864
I'm working up to "no."
198
00:08:04,864 --> 00:08:06,299
But I didn't give her
any money.
199
00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:07,633
Okay, well,
it's a start.
200
00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:09,135
I give you a c-minus.
201
00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:11,804
Learning to be
a good parent takes time.
202
00:08:11,804 --> 00:08:13,639
Speaking of learning,
203
00:08:13,639 --> 00:08:16,242
Nicole says Eddie
is a fantastic tutor.
204
00:08:16,242 --> 00:08:18,144
Eddie who?
205
00:08:19,812 --> 00:08:22,715
Jessica!
You joke machine!
206
00:08:22,715 --> 00:08:25,718
Your son has been tutoring her
every day this week.
207
00:08:25,718 --> 00:08:28,187
Another
master chess move by you.
208
00:08:28,187 --> 00:08:29,922
Getting Eddie
to study more...
209
00:08:29,922 --> 00:08:32,124
You really
are the queen.
210
00:08:32,124 --> 00:08:34,894
♪♪
211
00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:37,663
You're still tutoring?!
I told you to stop!
212
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:38,772
Wait,
how did you know?!
213
00:08:38,772 --> 00:08:40,474
I know everything!
214
00:08:40,474 --> 00:08:42,776
You're taking piccolo!
215
00:08:42,776 --> 00:08:44,644
You're going to ride
that metal mouth tube
216
00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:46,112
all the way
to money town!
217
00:08:46,112 --> 00:08:47,948
No!
218
00:08:51,852 --> 00:08:53,186
What did you just say?
219
00:08:54,921 --> 00:08:56,456
I said "no."
220
00:08:56,456 --> 00:08:57,757
Tutoring is the one chance
i get
221
00:08:57,757 --> 00:08:59,092
to hang out
with Nicole alone.
222
00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:00,160
I'm not switching.
223
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,028
Yes, you are.
224
00:09:02,028 --> 00:09:04,564
I will call the school
and have them switch you.
225
00:09:04,564 --> 00:09:05,866
Even if you switch me,
226
00:09:05,866 --> 00:09:07,734
you can't physically force me
to play it.
227
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,169
I will tape it
to your mouth.
228
00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:11,037
I will breathe
through my nose.
229
00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:13,473
Your move, mom.
230
00:09:16,843 --> 00:09:18,845
I can't believe
Eddie defied me like that!
Hmm.
231
00:09:18,845 --> 00:09:20,981
You know who wouldn't have
disrespected you like that?
232
00:09:20,981 --> 00:09:22,582
A girl.
233
00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:24,951
The closest I ever came
to defying my mother
234
00:09:24,951 --> 00:09:27,053
was when I wanted
to pick out my own shoes!
235
00:09:27,053 --> 00:09:28,655
♪♪
236
00:09:32,893 --> 00:09:35,862
You know whose shoes
you could pick out?
237
00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:37,030
A baby girl's.
238
00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:39,466
Cowboy boots or...
239
00:09:39,466 --> 00:09:41,067
Maybe I was too aggressive
in my opening gambit.
...One with
a buckle and a strap.
240
00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:42,702
Oh, uh, Mary janes.
Going at him made him defensive.
241
00:09:42,702 --> 00:09:44,004
That's what
they're called.
242
00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:45,038
So cute.
I need to fall back.
243
00:09:45,038 --> 00:09:47,073
On a girl...
I need to outmaneuver him.
244
00:09:47,073 --> 00:09:49,543
...which we could create...
Make Eddie think
he chose the piccolo.
245
00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:50,944
...in under one minute.
Huh?
246
00:09:50,944 --> 00:09:52,846
What?
247
00:09:52,846 --> 00:09:55,549
Deidre: Your father does not
want another baby, Evan.
248
00:09:55,549 --> 00:09:57,183
He seems pretty serious
about it.
249
00:09:57,183 --> 00:09:59,185
Trust me,
he just thinks he does.
250
00:09:59,185 --> 00:10:00,954
Mm.
I'm sure it's hormones.
251
00:10:00,954 --> 00:10:02,923
It's probably just
his time of the month...
Mm.
252
00:10:02,923 --> 00:10:05,458
...you know,
when the mortgage is due.
Mm-hmm.
253
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:06,316
Just get him a puppy --
254
00:10:06,316 --> 00:10:08,485
something small and cute
he can take care of.
255
00:10:08,485 --> 00:10:09,786
That's all he really wants.
Mm-hmm.
256
00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,588
Yeah, Richard brought up
the baby talk last spring.
257
00:10:11,588 --> 00:10:12,856
I just bought him
a drill.
258
00:10:15,459 --> 00:10:19,763
So, you must be Eddie's mother,
or "mu-chin," yes?
259
00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:22,966
My wife's from Asia,
so, I, uh...
260
00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:25,602
I would like you to give Eddie
more tutoring students, please.
261
00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:29,806
Ah, you see,
one-on-one instruction
262
00:10:29,806 --> 00:10:33,643
is, uh, very much at the core
of the tutoring process,
263
00:10:33,643 --> 00:10:37,280
so while I'm sure
Eddie excels in all subjects
264
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,882
a-a-and likely
a stringed instrument --
265
00:10:38,882 --> 00:10:41,318
my wife plays viola --
266
00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:44,521
uh, I just can't assign him
more than one student.
267
00:10:46,423 --> 00:10:49,259
Oh, of course.
I understand your rule...
268
00:10:49,259 --> 00:10:50,260
Yes.
269
00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:51,795
...for white students.
270
00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:54,498
I'm listening.
271
00:10:54,498 --> 00:10:56,700
As the husband
of an Asian wife,
272
00:10:56,700 --> 00:11:00,604
I'm sure you're familiar
with the tale of zong dingbo.
273
00:11:01,938 --> 00:11:04,941
Oh, yeah.
Zong din-- yes.
274
00:11:04,941 --> 00:11:07,277
Asking Eddie
to tutor only one student
275
00:11:07,277 --> 00:11:09,446
is wasting his potential.
276
00:11:09,446 --> 00:11:11,448
It would be
like asking zong dingbo
277
00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:13,817
to carry the ghost
only halfway into the town.
278
00:11:15,552 --> 00:11:17,387
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I see what
you mean. Yeah, yeah.
279
00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,555
Yeah. You'll fix it!
280
00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:20,424
I will. Yes.
281
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:22,259
You know, you and my wife
should grab lunch.
No.
282
00:11:22,259 --> 00:11:23,260
No.
283
00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:27,531
When did you start
wearing glasses?
284
00:11:27,531 --> 00:11:29,366
3rd grade,
but I never felt safe enough
285
00:11:29,366 --> 00:11:30,734
to wear them at school
until now.
286
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:33,603
When the details
come into focus,
287
00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:35,639
some of us are less attractive
than I thought.
288
00:11:38,275 --> 00:11:40,944
His name is captain fuzz.
289
00:11:40,944 --> 00:11:43,647
He's a pilot
for continental airlines.
290
00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:46,650
Eddie, check it out.
I got the new boyz ii men cd.
291
00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:47,651
We can play it
during tutoring
292
00:11:47,651 --> 00:11:49,386
while I finish drawing
on your hand.
293
00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:52,823
Word.
294
00:11:52,823 --> 00:11:54,658
Pizza today, lads.
295
00:11:55,525 --> 00:11:57,494
Are you wearing
a skirt?
296
00:11:57,494 --> 00:12:00,464
No. It's a kilt,
like in "braveheart."
297
00:12:00,464 --> 00:12:03,600
Dude, that's too far.
You're gonna get us all killed.
298
00:12:07,504 --> 00:12:09,940
Hey, Nicole.
299
00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:14,311
I know you didn't just say hi
to me and not my friends.
300
00:12:14,311 --> 00:12:15,645
Uh, uh, uh, uh --
301
00:12:15,645 --> 00:12:16,780
"uh, uh, uh."
302
00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,583
Bye!
303
00:12:22,652 --> 00:12:23,954
We're invincible.
304
00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:25,889
My boy's in a history dress!
305
00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,566
Nicole: You would look good
in one of those.
306
00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,335
Probably.
307
00:12:38,335 --> 00:12:42,339
Yo, wrong classroom!
I'm tutoring up in here!
308
00:12:42,339 --> 00:12:44,007
Oh, these are
your new students.
309
00:12:44,007 --> 00:12:45,942
But tutoring's
supposed to be one-on-one.
310
00:12:45,942 --> 00:12:47,944
Yes, but we both know
311
00:12:47,944 --> 00:12:50,881
you can handle
more than one student.
312
00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:54,317
Zong dingbo.
Yeah?
313
00:12:54,317 --> 00:12:58,355
Did he just
have a stroke?
314
00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:01,758
Hey, I don't know you.
You're new.
My dad's in the military.
315
00:13:01,758 --> 00:13:03,226
We just got transferred here,
but don't worry.
316
00:13:03,226 --> 00:13:04,561
I'm a lover,
not a fighter.
317
00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:07,697
That's so funny.
318
00:13:07,697 --> 00:13:09,633
That wasn't funny.
319
00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:10,867
"It's not a tumor!"
320
00:13:12,369 --> 00:13:13,837
That's -- you're --
you're killing me.
321
00:13:17,374 --> 00:13:19,876
Oh,
how was school today?
322
00:13:19,876 --> 00:13:22,345
Terrible.
Tutoring sucks.
323
00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:23,880
I'm never doing it again.
324
00:13:26,716 --> 00:13:27,817
Checkmate.
325
00:13:31,212 --> 00:13:34,420
♪ We belong together ♪
326
00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:37,289
Eddie, I called you for dinner
five times!
♪ and you know that I'm right ♪
327
00:13:37,289 --> 00:13:38,557
I'm not hungry!
328
00:13:40,259 --> 00:13:43,262
♪ Why do you playwith my heart? ♪
329
00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:45,598
♪ End of the road ♪
330
00:13:45,598 --> 00:13:49,301
♪ still, I can't let you go ♪
331
00:13:49,301 --> 00:13:51,036
Here you go, dad.
332
00:13:51,036 --> 00:13:52,371
♪ It's unnatural ♪
333
00:13:52,371 --> 00:13:55,407
Why are you handing me
my own drill with a bow on it?
334
00:13:55,407 --> 00:13:56,909
For your hormones.
335
00:13:56,909 --> 00:13:58,577
Drill your feelings away!
336
00:13:58,577 --> 00:14:00,179
Aww.
337
00:14:00,179 --> 00:14:02,248
This bow would look so cute
on a baby girl.
338
00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:03,515
♪ Go to the end of the road ♪
339
00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:09,421
♪ still, I can't let you go ♪
i found this in the sink.
340
00:14:09,421 --> 00:14:12,291
♪ It's unnatural ♪
this in the pantry.
341
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,559
And these...
342
00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,395
In between the magazines
in the bathroom!
343
00:14:16,395 --> 00:14:19,932
Oh, calendars with cute baby
girls dressed as vegetables.
344
00:14:19,932 --> 00:14:21,267
How did these
get everywhere?
345
00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,068
Do you know what baby girls
turn into?
346
00:14:23,068 --> 00:14:25,537
Teenage girls,
and, Louis, trust me,
347
00:14:25,537 --> 00:14:27,072
neither of us
want that.
348
00:14:27,072 --> 00:14:29,441
Are you sure?
I mean, come on.
349
00:14:29,441 --> 00:14:31,377
I don't think
that's cute!
350
00:14:31,377 --> 00:14:34,046
I think it's freaky!
It's like a curse!
351
00:14:34,046 --> 00:14:37,383
It's like this poor baby
angered some witch
352
00:14:37,383 --> 00:14:40,252
who cursed her to be trapped
in a cabbage body!
353
00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:42,955
And now she needs
an emperor's kiss
354
00:14:42,955 --> 00:14:44,657
to release her
from the curse,
355
00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:48,060
but the emperors are gone --
replaced by democracy.
356
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:52,665
So this poor cabbage baby
is left alone in the fields
357
00:14:52,665 --> 00:14:54,933
to be pecked at
by crows.
358
00:14:54,933 --> 00:14:56,568
And then a photographer
comes along,
359
00:14:56,568 --> 00:14:58,270
and he takes
a photograph of her,
360
00:14:58,270 --> 00:15:00,306
and he sells it
for lots of money,
361
00:15:00,306 --> 00:15:04,276
but he leaves her alone
to a life of misery!
362
00:15:04,276 --> 00:15:07,946
For who could ever love
a cabbage-faced baby?
363
00:15:07,946 --> 00:15:11,116
♪ You just don't understand ♪
364
00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:12,518
February's a carrot.
365
00:15:12,518 --> 00:15:14,219
Shop is closed!
366
00:15:14,219 --> 00:15:16,889
♪ When I can't sleep at night ♪
367
00:15:16,889 --> 00:15:19,558
♪ without holding you tight ♪
368
00:15:19,558 --> 00:15:21,560
♪ girl, each time I try ♪
369
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,530
♪ I just break down and cry ♪
370
00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:26,398
♪ pain in my head ♪
371
00:15:26,398 --> 00:15:29,401
♪ oh, I'd rather be dead ♪
372
00:15:29,401 --> 00:15:32,638
♪ spinning around and around ♪
373
00:15:32,638 --> 00:15:35,607
♪ although we've come ♪
374
00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:40,579
♪ to the end of the road ♪
375
00:15:40,579 --> 00:15:45,384
♪ still, I can't let you go ♪
376
00:15:45,384 --> 00:15:47,553
♪ it's unnatural ♪
377
00:15:47,553 --> 00:15:50,255
♪ you belong to me ♪
378
00:15:50,255 --> 00:15:53,258
♪ I belong to you ♪
379
00:15:53,258 --> 00:15:55,127
♪ come ♪
380
00:15:55,127 --> 00:16:00,032
♪ to the end of the road ♪
381
00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:04,670
♪ still, I can't let you go ♪
382
00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:07,206
♪ it's unnatural ♪
383
00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:09,475
♪ you belong to me ♪
384
00:16:09,475 --> 00:16:11,510
♪ I belong to you ♪
385
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:12,945
♪ I don't -- ♪
386
00:16:14,313 --> 00:16:17,449
Enough little man boyz!
You've been in here for days!
387
00:16:17,449 --> 00:16:18,450
Come to dinner now!
388
00:16:36,235 --> 00:16:38,904
♪ It's unnatural ♪
389
00:16:38,904 --> 00:16:41,240
♪ you belong to me ♪
390
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,910
♪ I belong to you ♪
391
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:47,446
Both:
♪ although we've come ♪
392
00:16:47,446 --> 00:16:51,650
♪ to the end of the road ♪
393
00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:55,521
♪ still, I can't let go ♪
394
00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:58,524
♪ it's unnatural ♪
395
00:16:58,524 --> 00:17:00,526
♪ you belong to me ♪
396
00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:03,061
♪ I belong to you ♪
397
00:17:03,061 --> 00:17:04,897
Together: ♪ come ♪
398
00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:09,401
♪ to the end of the road ♪
399
00:17:09,401 --> 00:17:12,538
♪ still, I can't let it go ♪
400
00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:14,239
♪ whoa-whoa-whoa ♪
401
00:17:14,239 --> 00:17:16,208
♪ it's unnatural ♪
402
00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:18,544
♪ you belong to me ♪
403
00:17:18,544 --> 00:17:22,281
♪ I belong to you ♪
404
00:17:22,281 --> 00:17:24,917
Girl. I'm here for you.
405
00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:28,053
All those times at night
when you just hurt me
406
00:17:28,053 --> 00:17:30,355
and just ran off
with that other fella...
407
00:17:30,355 --> 00:17:32,057
Baby, I knew about it.
408
00:17:32,057 --> 00:17:33,559
I just didn't care.
409
00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:38,897
Ready for book club?
410
00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:40,532
I finally finished it!
411
00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:41,900
This is why
we flush our hamsters.
412
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,936
I can't right now.
413
00:17:43,936 --> 00:17:45,437
Uh, something's wrong
with Eddie.
414
00:17:45,437 --> 00:17:47,573
He's depressed.
He won't eat.
415
00:17:47,573 --> 00:17:49,208
He won't listen to me.
416
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:50,542
I don't know what to do.
417
00:17:50,542 --> 00:17:53,378
I even bought
this parenting book.
418
00:17:53,378 --> 00:17:56,915
"Advanced chess strategy."
419
00:17:56,915 --> 00:17:59,117
The forward was written
by a computer.
420
00:17:59,117 --> 00:18:02,387
Well, Eddie's upset
because of Nicole.
421
00:18:02,387 --> 00:18:05,357
Ever since she started hanging
out with that new kid, Chris.
422
00:18:05,357 --> 00:18:06,425
How do you know that?
423
00:18:06,425 --> 00:18:09,094
Because I talked to her --
as a friend.
424
00:18:09,094 --> 00:18:11,263
I mean, I know your policy
on children friends,
425
00:18:11,263 --> 00:18:14,166
but maybe that's
what Eddie needs right now.
426
00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,501
He has friends.
427
00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:19,171
He has Dave,
uh, the scrawny one...
428
00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:20,606
Big red.
429
00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:23,909
Jessica,
you can't fix this.
430
00:18:23,909 --> 00:18:26,545
What Eddie needs from you
right now is just to know
431
00:18:26,545 --> 00:18:29,081
that he's not the first person
to go through it.
432
00:18:31,116 --> 00:18:32,484
♪♪
433
00:18:36,455 --> 00:18:39,291
I thought you might like
this alarm clock better.
434
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,360
The lazy dog tells you
when to get up.
435
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,229
It doesn't matter.
436
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,436
You know, I once
had my heart broken, too.
437
00:18:53,038 --> 00:18:55,974
When Oscar chow dumped me
in college...
438
00:18:55,974 --> 00:18:58,644
I was devastated.
439
00:18:58,644 --> 00:19:01,880
I thought I would never
feel happy again.
440
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,349
I lost weight.
My grades suffered.
441
00:19:04,349 --> 00:19:07,019
I cut my hair.
442
00:19:07,019 --> 00:19:09,087
It was the worst 20 minutes
of my life.
443
00:19:11,323 --> 00:19:13,358
How did you get over it?
444
00:19:13,358 --> 00:19:16,361
I realized that...
445
00:19:16,361 --> 00:19:19,364
Life is a lot like chess.
446
00:19:19,364 --> 00:19:21,900
You can't win every game.
447
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:24,036
But you also can't give up
when you lose.
448
00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:28,040
You know, if Oscar chow
hadn't dumped me,
449
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,242
I never would have met
your father.
450
00:19:30,242 --> 00:19:32,978
And I wouldn't be here.
451
00:19:32,978 --> 00:19:35,447
Exactly.
452
00:19:35,447 --> 00:19:37,482
And that would be tragic.
453
00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:43,255
Like the 2,000
marching-band scholarships
454
00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:46,391
that go unclaimed
every year!
455
00:19:46,391 --> 00:19:49,127
Non...Stop!
456
00:19:50,596 --> 00:19:53,966
Louis, I found more calendars
in the garbage.
457
00:19:53,966 --> 00:19:56,568
Yeah, I threw them out.
I changed my mind.
458
00:19:56,568 --> 00:20:00,939
We don't need
another baby.
459
00:20:00,939 --> 00:20:02,074
What made you change
your mind?
460
00:20:02,074 --> 00:20:04,109
I overheard you talking
to Eddie,
461
00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:05,510
and it made me think --
462
00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:08,513
if I had a daughter
and she had her heart broken,
463
00:20:08,513 --> 00:20:10,882
I'd hunt the boy down who did it
and murder him.
464
00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:14,119
You were right.
I don't want a teenage girl.
465
00:20:15,621 --> 00:20:17,489
Checkmate.
466
00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:24,930
I am cornholio!
467
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,886
♪ 1, 2, 3 and to the 4 ♪
468
00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:47,889
♪ snoop doggy dogg
and Dr. dre is at the door ♪
469
00:20:47,889 --> 00:20:49,057
♪ ready to make an entrance,
so back on up ♪
470
00:20:52,671 --> 00:20:55,707
And that's why I always play
monopoly...
471
00:20:55,707 --> 00:20:56,841
As the boot.
472
00:21:00,779 --> 00:21:02,514
Nicole: Hey.
473
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,992
Why isn't Nicole
sitting with us?
474
00:21:05,992 --> 00:21:08,228
I don't think she's gonna be
sitting with us anymore, guys.
475
00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:12,232
But I'm wearing a kilt.
476
00:21:12,232 --> 00:21:14,701
Do you understand?!
I'm not wearing pants!
477
00:21:16,721 --> 00:21:18,723
Well, gentlemen...
478
00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:24,562
It's been a pleasure
seeing you.
34124
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