Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

Oh [Exuberant laughter] Lisa, The Lakers signed

the Brow, it's goin' down. Championship, here we come, baby!

- [Tony grunts] - Tony...

- Whew! - [Laughs]

- Ha ha! - Tony....sit down, okay.

You have not cut your toenails in like a week, okay.

Those are like vampire teeth.

Oh my God.

Those Jurassic feet, they're outa control.

What kinda a Man-o-saurus would I be with dainty little manicured feet?

Well I don't know, but if you keep scratchin' up

everything in this house, you're gonna be sleepin' on the Tricer-a-couch.

Alright. Hey ooh, do me a favor.

Go online and see how much the Brow-Laker jersey's are runnin' for.

- Y'ah I outa get me one for the man cave. - Alright.

Tony, look at how much these jerseys are.

Are you serious?

But that's three times as much as they were three days ago.

- That's just crazy. - I don't know.

It's amazing what folks will spend their money on. I mean I can see

spending your money on a trip to Jamaica, but on a jersey?

Right, right. I would never spend thousands of dollars on a piece of clothes.

Yeah, says the man that wears Jordan's.

Okay, I know you ain't talkin', as much money as you spend on weaves.

My wigs are very high quality, okay mister. You know they're made of

the best human hair.

Yeah, yeah. The best.

And I know it's human hair cause the last one came with naps in the kitchen.

[Audience laughter]

[Theme Music] ♪ Woke up and my wife said to m

♪ The bill collectors want thei fees

♪ The kids keep talkin' back to me

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time. Family Time

♪ Family Time. Woa oah oah oh yeah eh.

[Instrumental Music]

What could you possibly need more money for?

Festival? Devin I don't care if it's Beychella or Wechella. You ain't gettin'

no more chellas.

Wow Tony, why you bein' so mean to Devin?

I am not mean to him.

That boy needs to learn to manage money better.

He askin' me for money every 2 weeks. I ain't no damn ATM.

[Audience laughter]

Yeah, whatever Tony. I'm about to go to bed.

Bed? Lisa, I thought we were gonna binge watch that new Getflix show,

When We Saw Them.

I heard it's so good, white people remember that black lives matter.

[Laughs] No Tony, not tonight.

I got a big gig to prep for tomorrow, but maybe this weekend.

Okay, last time you said that, I wound up havin' to

to binge watch House of Dominoes all by myself.

I'm still mad that they let go of that Kevin Spades.

[Phone pings] [Keys clicking]

[Cash register sound dings]

Geh, did you just cha ching add Devin some money?!

Yes, I did Tony, okay because my son

says he needed some.

No what he needs to do, is learn how to budget his money better.

That boy been in school 2 years and got 4 years worth of loans.

Uh, which brings up another point...the winter

is the slowest time for my business.

- So there's gonna be some cutbacks around here. - No, Tony no.

I don't wanna eat generic ketchup again.

That tastes just the same as the regular. Look, if it's too

thin, just add syrup.

That is disgusting, okay.

Luckily, we won't be havin' to do that because

Vivian and I, we are really on a roll with our little catering business.

We're booked all month.

- All month, huh? - Yeah.

That's great, baby. But I just want you to keep goin' strong with Vivian

and spend your money on yourself.

- No, but Tony. - Nah, nah...no buts, baby.

When we got married, i told you that I would take care of the house.

I'm a man of my word.

Aww, okay. I mean thank you, baby.

Well you're welcome.

I'm gonna go downstairs and watch somethin' on the TV,

since you wanna get you some sleep.

But a, I'm a need you to cut these lights off.

That's 39 cents worth of electricity being used.

[Audience laughter]

[Keys clicking] [Register dings]

[Laughs] Lisa, did you just cha ching at me, 39 cents?

[Instrumental Music]

Okay Vivian, there is no way I am putting figs in my grandmother's

collard green recipe.

You're tryin' to get us uninvited to the cookout.

Lisa, what is this cookout

talking about and uninviting me to.

Yeah, and why have I never seen, heard of, or been invited to

this cookout?

Cookout, what cookout?

Oh the one Miss Julia Childish here

uninvited me to.

Oh, that cookout.

Well what was it, green olives in the mac and cheese?

Figs in the collard greens.

[Audience laughter]

Oh, you ain't invited to the cookout.

Well, well wait a second. Then, then what about me? Why am I not invited?

You'd probably call the police on the cookout.

Can I get some?

Please, I did my time for not snitchin'.

[Audience laughter]

Donnie, what's up? Seriously, I mean we got a lot of cookin'

today, so we don't have a lot of time.

Oh that's cool. I was lookin' for Tony. I think I finally found my calling.

Your callin'? What's that? Bein' a lab rat?

Been there, done that. Didn't pay well and my ears still hurt.

[Audience laughter]

No, man. I'm gonna be a motivational speaker.

Ah, makes sense.

- It does? - Oh sure.

Every time Donnie comes up with these dumb ass ideas,

it motivates me to find some new friends.

[Laughter]

Very funny, man. But I'll have you know

I have been reading and studying this book for

days and this information is finally givin' me the

tools that I know that I need to do this.

You know, I considered motivational speaking once.

- [Laughs] You...a motivation...no.

Yeah! Yeah, well

when I was locked up, I was once able to convince

Loke Baby and Little Gretchen not to shank me over 3 noodle packs

and a sticky bun.

Anyone who can do that, can talk anyone into anything.

So Tone, I am so serious about this, man.

- I have set up my own seminars, right. - Hm.

I'm gonna teach brothas what I've learned.

And you know, since Lisa and Viv are doin' their thing, I was hopin'

you guys would cater it?

- Oh...yeah. - Yeah.

Okay Donnie, now you know what? I, I gotta admit

I'm rather proud a you, brotha.

I wanna help. What can I do?

You can fund it.

I'm I'm kiddin', man. In all seriousness, you're my

best friend and your moral support means the most.

- But...if you feel so... - Okay.

- ...inclined to donate, I wouldn't turn it down. - Mmm.

[Laughter] - Yeah.

Tony, you are such a great friend

and husband. Honestly, okay. I was gonna I was gonna

give this to you ah a little later but

- This is the perfect time. - Hm.

- [Laughter] That's - Aw.

This is a [whispering] I didn't forget our anniversary did I?

[Audience laughter]

No, silly. Just because.

This is...just because?

Yeah just because...you're an amazing

friend and father and husband, and just because you do

so much for everyone and you never ask

for anything in return.

- Aww, that is so sweet. - Lisa

- Wait, Lisa is it is this

is this a smart watch?

- Yeah. - Where did you get this?

From the store.

Wait why, why would you do that?

Because you were drooling over it

at the mall the other day. I saw you. I just

I thought I'd hook you up.

But Lisa, come on now. You know things are tight right now.

- We, we cannot afford this. - Oh.

I mean... Ican.

I don't know about you.

- I mean we can, I can. - What, what, what, what did I say to you?

Ah weh Tony, okay you told me to save all of my money.

Okay, and that you'd take care of the house.

So, I thought I'd support you and do something for you for a change.

Mm. Ah hah, that's...

okay but eh...I can't accept this.

- Take it back. - No, no Tony. This, it's yours. Take it, okay.

Soul Sisters Catering LA is doing way better than we expected.

- So...you know. - Mm hm.

Well I mean I knew y'all was doin' good, I didn't know y'all

was doin' smart watch good.

- Yeah. - That's a real good right there.

Yeah that's a that um you know what, baby. Thank you.

- I don't know what to, well thank you. - Yeah.

- I will just cherish this forever. - Aww.

- Here here. - It's it's good.

[Squealing] This is my watch!

- I got you. Got you, baby.

Lisa, [clears throat] where mine at?

[Audience laughter] [Music stings out]

[Instrumental Music]

Good morning, Mr. Stallworth.

Good morning. Any calls today?

Nope. No ring like the Clippers.

[Audience laughter]

Damn!

You okay, Mr. Stallworth?

Yeah I was just hopin' that we got a call from

Mr. Harris and that a Crestview build.

Yeah, no calls. The Duncan Corporation haven't called either.

I guess this'll be a bad time to ask for a raise?

Well I could always raise the unemployment rate

with giving you some permanent time off.

Or Mr. Stallworth...

you could give me one of them little smart watches you got.

I see you shinin'. Let me see that.

Dude, I'm surprised you don't got no Pucci flip flops.

Cause I thought it was a trap. Hey! Hah!

- Oh, thought it was a-- - Okay, okay. Knock it off.

This is just a little suhim suhim from the Mrs., that's all.

Oh.

Ah I'm sorry, Mr. Stallworth.

I didn't know she was cheatin' on you. Are you okay? You wanna talk about it?

Oh knock it off! This is not a I'm sorry gift. This is a just because gift.

Just because? Now I done slashed some tires just because.

I done bust the windows just because.

I done searched the trunk just because, but I have never in my life

got a man a watch just

because!

[Audience laughter]

What part of the game is that?

The part where you say I do.

But you're not married, so you wouldn't know nothin' about that, okay.

I mean, yeah the that's true.

But I do speak woman.

And I'm a tell you right now, if I got a man like that

just because,

I probably done cheated on him with his friend, and enemy.

[Whispers] Enemy?

Besides, the man is supposed to be splurgin' on me.

Not the other way around, Mr. Stallworth.

What do you mean?

I mean no woman wants to take care of a man!

That's what I mean! First it's gonna be the watch,

then it's gonna be the car, then it's gonna be the house, and baby

I'm not buyin' no house, okay.

- I don't even got a house. - Relax, reh relax.

Relax, ain't nobody takin' care of nobody. Lisa ain't takin' care of me!

- Mm hm. - Alright.

I still take care of all the bills and both the cars.

- This is just an appreciation gift. - Mm hm.

You know Stedman say the same exact thang.

Until Oprah bought him that watch

Don't hide it now.

Because after that watch, everythang just went downhill.

I mean check it out. You never see her in

no pictures with him. I think she's ashamed.

- Mm hm. - So you're sayin' this watch could be the collapse of a damn?

- Mmm...snap, snap.

Boom.

[Ethereal Music]

[Trumpet romp]

[Mocking laughter]

[Lisa sighs]

[Instrumental Music]

Well get back on that bike.

You just need to power through and face your challenges head on.

It's evident that we get so much done together

when we're spurred by others.

So put the past behind you,

and ask yourself and the universe

can I get some?!

- Can I get some? - Say it with me.

[Collectively] Can I get some?

Yo you, let me get your autograph.

Oh I'm sorry Black Panther, no signin' today.

[Audience laughter]

- Man...Tone. - Huh...yeah.

Your boy Donnie may have found his callin', man.

Yeah man, I was a little skeptical at first

when he told me about it, but I can see the passion in his

- ..eyes. You know, the look of this place, - Oh yeah.

it looks like he's doin' a good job, huh?

Oh he doin' a great job.

- Hey, and speakin' of great job, - Hm?

look at that watch.

- [Laughter] - Man, business must be boomin' in the construction industry.

Oh yeah, man. It's just a little suhim suhim.

Hey, what y'all talkin' about? The watch that Lisa bought Tony?

[Audience laughter]

Your your wife got you that watch?

Yeah, yeah her um

- her-- - No, no, no. Your wife got you that?

- Mm hm. - I mean but you got her somethin' though?

[Laughs] Did she use your money?

[Laughs] She had to use his money.

- No, no, no. She used her own money.

- And and so what did you get her? I mean you got her

a diamond ring or

necklace or somethin'?

You manhood?

[Audience laughter]

Eh don't don't look at Kline like that, he has a point.

Now it looks like what it sounds to me like

Lisa's tryin' to take over your

head of household manly duties.

You had to have got her somethin'.

No, a she just wanted to get me somethin' just because.

Just because?!

Damn, my ex-wive got me somethin' once just because.

- What was that Clyde? - She served me the divorce papers, just because

she had slept with my best friend and had a baby.

[Audience laughter]

Hey hey, yo no chill out, man. Look,

- Tone runs his house, okay. - Yeah, yeah.

He is the king of his castle.

Alright when it comes to his wife,

and his finances, he listens to my famous motto.

Can I get some?

[Audience laughter]

- I guess that a that didn't quite fit right there. - No.

[Audience laughter]

That's that's my bad, Tone. Sorry about that.

Thanks a lot, Jessie Jackass.

[Instrumental Music]

Whew! I mean that that sweet and pungent shrimp was

doin' the cupid shuffle in my stomach.

I wouldn't go in there until Devin graduates from college.

Uh, that's the last time I order from a Chinese

spot named Cheddar.

Tony, I was puttin' away some stuff and I found this

in your drawer.

You know way back in the sock drawer

where you store all the gifts

that you hate, next to the Shake them Cakes DVDs

you promised me you'd get rid of.

[Audience laughter]

I'd I'd I don't even know know what you talkin' bout, Lisa.

- I'm a I probably put it in there by accident. - I--

- Don't lie Tony. If you didn't like it, all you had to do was tell me.

Well [sighs] that's the thing. It's not that I don't like it. I just

I don't like you buyin' me expensive-ass gifts out the blue like that.

Why? I'm just tryin' to show you my appreciation.

I know baby, but I just can't help but feel a little

- ...emasculated. - Are you

kidding me? You mean to tell me you don't wanna wear the gift I

bought you because it makes you feel like less than a man?

Well I know it doesn't make sense to you, but yeah.

Wow I mean the man I married wouldn't let anything

make him feel that way because he knew who he was.

inside and out.

- Okay, don't blow this out of proportion. - Don't, no. Don't you tell...

me I'm blowin' this out of proportion.

When you standin' here tellin' me you don't wanna wear

somethin' I bought you because it makes you feel a certain type of way.

- But Lisa-- - Look no, Tony. I'm not gonna...

feel like I did somethin' wrong

just because I wanna show you that I care about you.

But you know what, I do

I do have a word of advice.

It isn't can I get some, is it?

Oh you ain't even gettin' any for a long time.

[Audience laughter]

Actually two words. A...grow up!

[Instrumental Hip-Hop]

All the way up!

[Music fades out]

[Instrumental Music]

[Male voice] The power to control your man, you must ask yourself

are you mine?

Hey baby.

[Sighs]

Okay Lisa, listen.

I'm I'm sorry for everything that I put you through these last couple a days.

Look I, I guess I just

let everybody and everything get to me which led to this

weird feeling of insecurity that I've never felt before.

Okay and and for that

I'm sorry.

Tony why didn't you just tell me when I gave you the

watch how you felt. Why would you go and stuff it in a sock drawer?

Because I didn't want to say anything in front of everybody.

Look, guys do dumb stuff.

You know like I said, I was I was insecure and

well I guess I was just embarrassed.

Tony, I'm never gonna emasculate you, okay?

I'm only here to build you up.

I'm not tryin' to tear you down.

I need you to remember we are in this together,

baby.

I know.

And that's why I'm here to apologize.

So again, I am sorry.

Will you accept my apology?

I do, but you not gettin' off that easy.

Okay, will this help a little bit, mama?

Hm, little bit?

These are beautiful.

I'll take 'em and I see you're even

even wearin' your watch.

Mm hm, proudly. And look at this, look at that, look at that screen

saver there, bam!

- Is that our wedding picture? - Mm hm.

- Oah! I see. - For the best wife ever.

- Just because. - Aow.

That means a lot, Tony.

Mm. I know, and you mean a lot to me.

[Instrumental R&B Music

[Clapping and cheering]

There you go, brotha!

- Guys, guys, I'm not here

for applause, I'm here to change lives.

Okay? For example,

here's $20, okay.

How many of you believe

that you're gonna walk out of here with this $20?

- Uh mm, I never win nothin'.

[Audience laughter]

No faith guys. You got to have faith!

Everybody here, pull out $20 and hold it up.

Everybody. Come on, do it.

You too, Braxton.

[Muffled squeal]

Yeah, right. You need to sit your meathead ass down before I put

you in a grinder.

[Ice blending]

Hey man...that was very uncalled for, okay.

- This is a professional situation [Blending resumes]

Are you gonna do this?

No [Blending resumes]

[Audience laughter] [Donnie exhales]

Sorry about that, guys.

Listen, as you have your money in the sky,

you have to have faith.

I have the faith and the belief

to accept the money from everyone in this room.

Take your money and put it in this basket and pass it around.

[Muffled speech] Take the money and pass it around.

[Audience laughter]

Thank you.

Trust me guy-- it's faith!

What's faith without works?

Huh? Pass it to the front, guys.

Yes. Yes!

Yes, thank you. Please pass it. I don't want to be the only one holding it.

Thank you, yes.

Pass it to the front. Tony, would you mind?

Thank you so much. Lisa, always a doll. Thank you.

Tony, I didn't see you put any money in. We'll talk about that later.

- I'll take that. Give me the basket, man. - Okay.

[Audience laughter]

Oh, I can't believe that worked.

Huh...guys,

when it comes to something like this, you have to choose

faith. Not religion, but faith.

- Not hope, but faith. - hope but faith.

[Both] I don't believe in hope!

- Hope-- - Hope is a beggar.

Hope is a beggar!

[Audience laughter]

Because you know hope be beggin' if you ask him for a lot,

when it comes to favors.

A weh weh weh what's up, man/

What are you doin'?

I'm exposin' you for the fraud that you are.

[Collective gasps]

I knew I knew that little speech you gave at the barbershop sounded

familiar, but it wadn't till I got to my car

and I popped in my Wes Brown CD

that I realized where I heard it.

Guys, he doesn't have a car,

he's from the streets!

Okay. These are lies, guys. This is this is

this is defamation, guys. I

believe in me, and you guys believe in me too, right?

Eh, not so much.

Listen, okay.

When it comes to this guys, you have to know one thing.

Do you believe that you have the ability

to change this beautiful world?

When you walk out of these doors today,

you have two decisions to make.

- Choose love or fear. - Love or fear.

[Both] Always choose love

never choose fear!

- Neh never choose fear. - Really?

- [Donnie awkwardly laughs] - Right there.

Come on Donnie,

you can't go around bein' a motivational speaker usin' other

people's motivation!

[Audience laughter]

Well it it motivated me, so I wanted to

give the gift to y'all.

- Wow. - [Donnie] Hm? - [Crowd murmuring]

Yuh, listen. I just wanted to add my catch phrase

and switch it up a little bit.

- Heh, can I get some? - Ha, ha!

You can get these people their money back.

And then you can get outa here

before you get molly whopped.

Yeah, looks like you lost your congregation Teete Fakes!

Huh!

- Roger? - [Crowd] Right, right. - Guys--

- Somebody-- - Give us our money back!

- Go, go!

- That's not your money, man. - You know what? Listen to me.

Alright.

Ow!

- Somebody go get him!

[Instrumental Music]

And that's why I'm not allowed around Beyonce.

[Laughter]

Well your stories are wild- almost as wild as your

short-lived motivational speaker career.

Man, I was this close to bein' a millionaire.

- I could feel it. - Look man, nothin' comes

easy without hard work.

I thought I did the work. I watched over

100 Erickson Thomas videos.

When you want to succeed as much as you

want to breathe, then you'll be successful.

Man you sound smart to somebody dumb.

[Audience laughter]

You look rich to somebody blind.

[Audience laughter]

Hey guys. Here you go, Mr. Stallworth.

Mm hm.

- One sandwich. - Alright.

Mm, can't wait to get this.

Hey hey hey, do that again?

Do what?

Ruffle the bag.

[Rustling]

Tony, I found a way for us to get rich.

- How? - ASMR.

It's the hottest trend on NewTube.

All we gotta do, is record Brandi makin' some sounds

around the office.

You know what, Donnie?

I actually think your parents were related.

[Audience laughter]

- Yeah.

They was brother and sister. But look, just watch.

- [Brandi sighs] - Now Brandi,

- What? - take another bit of that pickle.

- Oh hell, no! Come on, man.

We don't play that around here. You gotta go.

- Look. - Whatever bot you on.

- But no, no thank you. - Look, it's the future. No, look--

- Can I get some? - You can get the hell out. - No.

[Music stings out] Thank you.

Alright.

[Instrumental Music]