Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

What the?

Bah...I know that ain't a dog.

Aw, you're so cute.

Dang, he's so cute!

And thirsty.

[Audience laughter]

We should name him soon.

Deontay, just like my ex.

[Audience laughter]

Look,

that's neither here nor there, Mrs. Stallworth.

I think you need to stay up out the club, Brandi. I really do.

I'm about to go grab a bowl and give Deontay some water.

- Lisa! - Ooh, my goodness!

Yeah.

- [Dog whimpers] - Yeah, I know. Your little big mouth scares me.

Cute.

Brandi, what are you doin' in my backyard?

Well you told me to bring the files over, Mr. Stallworth.

I said files, not Fido.

She got here early, and she went on the power walk

with me since you wouldn't wake up.

I woulda woke up if you was makin' a power breakfast.

What's with the dog/

We found him with no collar and no tag.

I normally don't do dogs,

except for Deontay. But a...

well you're just so cute!

- [Dog barks] - [Tony] D' oh!

[Audience laughter]

Don't tell me you scared a dogs, Mr. Stallworth.

I ain't scared a no dog.

I wish a dog would.

What about the time my mama's toothless Chihuahua

chased you on top of her car?

Okay now that dog was a demon dog

sent straight from hell to gum my ankles down to the white meat.

[Audience laughter]

Okay, well this one is as sweet as pie.

And I'm about to go grab him a bottle of

- ...water - A buh buh drink of water?

- Yeah. - Next thing you know...

you'll be tryin' to feed it, and ask if we can keep it.

[Audience laughter]

Dah...ooh, Mr. Stallworth,

please can we?

What you mean, we? You don't even live here.

[Audience laughter]

You won the lottery.

You ain't got no guest house around here?

The answer's no and no.

- Why not? - Yeah, why not?

And you do have a empty nest around here.

[Clears throat]

Yeah, okay. The kids'll be home

during their college spring break.

And think how excited they'll be

to see our new adorable little family pet.

Yeah, yeah.

- Deontay. - [Barks]

Oh snap. Don't leave me out here.

[Audience laughter]

* Woke up and my wife said to m

* The bill collectors want thei fees

* The kids keep talkin' back to me

* Family Time

* Family time, family time, family time

* Wah ah ah oah, yeah yeah yeah

[Instrumental Music]

Oh hey there, sweetie.

Come here. I got some nice, cold water for you.

Cuh wha? You just gonna give that dog

our good alkaline water from out the fridge?

What do you expect the dog to drink tap water, Tony?

Yes, because he's a dog. He don't know the difference.

Hey, um...

I'm a just go ahead and let you two argue this one out.

Mrs. Stallworth, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna make sure I put some

signs around the neighborhood

about a missin' dog.

Thank you, Brandi. And you know I'm gonna

post on the neighborhood pet finder app

- ...as well. - Oh deh, that's a good idea.

Oh so you work for Mrs. Stallworth now?

[Audience laughter]

I'm just helpin' a sista out, dang!

Here.

Bye, Deontay. I got to go. Yes I do.

And if you feel like you wanna bite that grumpy old man in the

ankle, you go for it.

Keep it up, Brandi. Keep it up. I hear you.

[Audience laughter]

Alright. Bye, y'all.

See you.

[Instrumental Funk Music]

Pork rink, pig skin,

peace and quiet. What more could a man ask for?

[Sniffing] What is that smell?

I know that dog did not drop a hot one down here!

Smells like Wendell's armpits.

[Cheering on Television]

Oh, is that a wet spot?

Not on my brand new carpet!

Where is this boy?

[Breathing heavily]

Sorry it took me so long to get here, Mr. Stallworth.

Uh, I think there was a traffic jam or somethin'.

Ross, you live across the street. How could there be a traffic jam?

Well I put in your address and it kept sayin'

you've arrived at your destination.

But I was still at my house.

[Audience laughter]

You sure didn't put in my address instead of yours?

You know Mr. Stall-weezy,

it makes a lot more sense.

Stop talkin'.

[Indistinct]

Sure thing, but why's it smell like Devin's laundry basket down here?

That's why I called you over here.

We got this little puppy over here,

alright. And he done peed in every single room.

Dog like to mark their territory.

If I was a dog, I'd pee on your hat.

What?

I like your hat, so I'd mark it as my territory.

[Audience laughter]

I'll mark my foot in your territory.

Now pay attention.

I need you to get rid of this dog.

If you do, I will give you $40.

I'll give you 20 now,

and 20 once the mission is complete.

Come on Mr. Stallworth, he can't be that bad.

Ah...did Mrs. Stall-weezy make brownies too?

[Audience laughter]

Ah, damn!

Guess the Browns didn't make it to the bowl again.

I told Lisa this dog would be a problem.

worse than potty trainin' a kid.

Can you get the job done, or no?

Sure I can get it done, but what chu gonna tell Mrs. Stall-weezy?

That's my bidness, alright. Your bidness is to get the job done.

And if you don't, you're gonna be responsible

for him takin' that long walk down the green mile.

[Audience laughter]

[Chuckles] You might wanna get the carpets shampooed.

You can count on me, Mr. Stall-weezy.

[Audience laughter]

Mm, that dog is in trouble.

[Instrumental Music]

Oh hey, Viv.

Hey Lisa! The pack's in. We on now.

Oh...okay.

- Alright now. It's all about branding. - Yeah.

- And driving new business our way. - Mm hm.

And speakin' of new business, I think I may have just landed us a

big catering job for Saturday.

Wait a minute, a Saturday as in two days from now, Saturday?

Yeah, well I was standing in line at the store

wearing one of these, and a woman approached me

and she asked if we could cater her daughter's

baby gender reveal party

since their caterer canceled at the last minute.

So they're hiring a caterer just

for their gathering to reveal the sex of their baby?

Okay, if the client is payin', we're playin'.

Plus, they've got a bit budget for food and-- - * I like...

- * ...budgets and I cannot lie - Woo hoo!

- Yay, hey! - Yah!

- Hey! - Ladies got butts.

- Okay so wait, wait. - Whew!

So what does the client want on this menu?

Well mainly assorted finger foods

- ...and 200 cupcakes with blue cream filling. - Mm.

Oh that's so sweet.

Wait a minute. Okay, did you just say 200 cupcakes?

You know that-- and fill these custom orders?

Well yeah. That's the only way the guests will know the sex of the baby.

[Audience laughter]

- Okay I guess we better get to the store... - Right.

and get in the kitchen.

- Get this order crackin'. - Okay. - [Dog barks]

- [Viv] Oh. Oh hey!

I didn't know you guys got a new dog.

We didn't.

- We found this cute little sweet pup - [Viv sighs]

- ...on our walk this morning, me and Brandi. - Oah.

Ah, oah he's so sweet.

Alright, alright. You done?

Okay, no say goodbye to sweet, notorious

- ...D-O-G. - Aw.

Where are you takin' the dog, Tony?

Where all stray dogs go,

the shelter,

- Come on. - Tony, you are not takin' this dog to the shelter.

Okay, look at his sweet little collar.

Obviously his tag just fell off and he lost his owners.

He's a well kept dog, Tony. We will find

- ...his owners, okay? - Alright. Well when you do

find his owners, tell 'em they can pick up their little pampered pooch

down at the shelter. Come on, let's go.

Tony, do you know what they do to cute dogs in jail?

Ah no, but I'm sure you can give 'em a couple a pointers

- on how to survive life behind bars. - [Dog panting]

[Audience laughter] [Music stings out]

[Instrumental Music]

[Dog panting]

May I help you?

Ah yes, I'd like to turn this dog in, please.

What's wrong with the dog?

Nothing's wrong with the dog, a...Evelyn.

Eee-valen.

[Audience laughter]

Okay. Sorry, Eee-valen.

Well a we found this dog,

and um we just wanna do the right thing and

turn him over to the authorities.

I got some friends comin' over to play poker later,

and there's no dogs allowed.

Ah...so you wanna get rid of your dog cause you got

friends coming over?

Look first of all, it's not my dog.

Well, whose doggy is it?

I don't know. Okay, my wife found him when she was out walkin'.

And a look, we just wanna do the right thing.

Run him over to the authorities.

We?

Where's your wife?

Did you turn her in too?

[Audience laughter]

No, she is at home.

So wanna get rid of the dog?

What difference does it make?

The dog is lost, okay.

So we're hopeful that their owners will come

find him here at the shelter.

[Background dogs barking]

Alright.

Hand over the leash.

Time to go with the nice lady.

Let's go.

[Barking continues]

Stop all that yappin'!

Dead dog walkin'!

Ah...eh heh,

eh excuse me, it's kinda loud in here. Maybe I didn't hear you.

Deh deh did you say, dead dog walkin'?

Now that would be cruel.

[Audience laughter]

I said, Fred, stop barkin'.

[Audience laughter]

I've got a feisty Cockapoo that tries to intimidate new dogs.

Oh okay, okay. Fred, stop barkin'!

You go. [Dog whimpers]

Enjoy your poker game, sir.

I've got it from here.

Want me to sign somethin'?

Nope.

Have a nice day.

Enjoy your prize.

while I get him used to dyin'.

[Audience laughter]

I know I'm gonna regret this.

Okay, wait. Um I'm sorry. You know what,

I changed my mind. Gah, just just--

Suit yourself.

But if you change your mind,

I got a cage ready and waiting.

[Audience laughter]

Let's get back to your foster home, champ. [Dog barks]

Oh, you like that name, Champ?

Alright. Well come on, Champ. Let's get outa here.

[Chuckles] Alright a you have a nice day, Evil-ass.

[Audience laughter] - Hey...

you too!

[Dogs barking]

[Exhales] Another doggy saved from the slamma.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Shoulda let that dog fry.

My whole man cave smellin' like a old batch of collard greens.

[Audience laughter]

Hey, so...

Ross, what happened to you?

I came to apologize...about the dog.

- I failed you. - Yeah, you sure did.

That mutt is still moochin' off me.

I tried though. Man, I really tried.

At first I tried to lure him to the car with french fries, but

he wouldn't even eat 'em.

Because dogs don't eat french fries, they eat dog food!

Yeah, well that makes sense.

But I did stop here.

Then I picked him up, and I tried to put him in the car,

but he kept spreadin' his legs, so I I couldn't fit him through the door.

[Audience laughter]

You gave up, didn't you?

Of course not, Mr. Stall-weezy. Now I'm a man of integrity, alright.

- When I say I'm a do somethin', I'm gonna do it. - Mm.

So I finally got the dog in the car, alright.

Then he hoped out the window and he ran down the street.

You let him run away?

He outsmarted me.

[Audience laughter]

I got out the car to chase him, he circled back

around, hopped in the car and locked me out.

- Well then how did he make his way back in?

I made him a offer he could not refuse.

I told him if he lunged back in the car,

then I'd take him back home.

He agreed.

[Audience laughter]

You know what Ross, it's alright.

I actually took him to the pound when he got back here,

and...

I wound up havin' a change of heart.

I started likin' the little guy.

Do not leave him in that puppy prison.

[Audience laughter]

I'm glad that you had a change of heart, Mr. Stall-weezy.

A...

can I get that other 20?

No! You failed that mission.

[Audience laughter]

I'm a tell Mrs. Stall-weezy that you tried takin' him to the pound.

You know what, here.

Take the 20, and get on up outa here before I take you

and Champ to the pound.

[Audience laughter]

[Thud]

[Audience laughter]

[Footsteps receding

[Audience laughter]

Give Champ a chance.

Alright, Champ.

Where is Champ?

[Instrumental Music]

Oh come on. That was travelin'.

[Dog barks] Yeah, that's right, Champ.

[Audience laughter]

Oh, I thought you were takin' him to the shelter?

I did, but it was like Paw-shank Redemption up in there.

I couldn't leave Champ there.

Oh hoa, really? Do we have a nickname

for him now, Mr. no dog allowed?

Well we couldn't just call him dog.

Besides, he likes the name.

Aw, that's sweet. Hi Champ.

[Crowd Cheers on Television]

Well you know with the signs posted around, and the

neighborhood pet finder app on, I'm hopin' he'll be

reunited with his family soon.

But until then, just make yourself at home, Champ.

Make yourself at home.

Lisa, this dog is very smart.

I done taught him already how to fetch my slippers,

bring me the remote,

eh and fetch snacks.

Oh wow okay. Well as long as he's not in the

refrigerator gettin' our snacks, then he's cool.

He did get me this beer.

[Audience laughter]

Well listen, after this,

we gonna finish watchin' this game. I'm a go downstairs

and set up the poker night.

Oh well you gonna have to take Champ down there with you

and the fellas, because Vivian and I will be in

the kitchen injecting blue butter cream into cupcakes

for our client's reveal party.

Oh yeah, what are they gonna reveal?

Oh the sex of their baby.

And a big giant check for our company.

Oh that's right. You better get in there and start on them cakes.

And then I'm gonna cup them cakes, baby.

[Audience laughter]

I'm about to mm hm.

What do you think, Champ? [Barks]

Yeah that's right, Champ.

Yippee yo, yippee yay. [Dog barks]

[Music stings out]

[Instrumental Music]

I'm glad you got over your fear of dogs, Tony.

Ain't nobody scared of no dogs. I just don't like 'em.

Champ, how you doin' back there?

Ain't that right? Yeah.

- Who's my good boy? - Get a room, Tony.

[Dog barks]

That's right Champ. Shut up, fool.

[Audience laughter]

Yeah, heh, speakin' of of fool, hope you...

fools ready to loose some money [Dog barks]

Man, I should be askin' you that.

Ah yeah whatever. Hey, there's my man Big Mike, you've seen him down at

- ...the shop. - Ah what's up, Mike?

What's goin' on, man?

- This is my boy, Donnie. - Okay.

- Eh Big Mike, huh? - Yeah.

Heh, must be speakin' height into existence, huh brotha?

- [Laughter] - Ha, ha, ha. No!

For you information, Big Mike is what the ladies call me.

They should probably call you Big-ass-head Mike.

- Okay. - Alright, alright.

Yeah, but we don't care why they call you Big Mike, just as long as you

brought your big wallet.

- [Tony] Now that's what I'm talkin' bout. - Talk to me.

[Dog barks]

So a Tone,

when'd you get a dog?

Oh no we didn't get a dog. We just watchin' him till we find his owner.

Owner?

You mean... his human?

- Is that right? - He got a human...

or a pet parent

You can't say his owner. That sounds so oppressive, man.

I get it. You're right.

Dogs are more than a possession, they family.

Alright, alright. Enough with the barkin' now.

Alright, let's get to some pokerin' now.

- [Tony] Alright. - A...

Y'all, y'all knew what I meant, alright.

- Just a shuffle up the deal. - Alright.

Alright, alright, alright. Eh, $100 buy-in though.

[Instrumental Music]

Alright Rodney, it's on you.

Yeah.

It is on me, ain't it?

You know what?

I'm all in.

Hm.

Man, I fold.

- Mm hm, Tone? - [Dog panting]

[Dog barks]

I call it.

[Audience laughter]

- Dammit. - Ha ha!

Looks like you all out, my brotha.

Need the card here.

Mm hm.

Yeah, look like your damn dog tippin' you off.

What? Man, you crazy.

I agree with Big-head ass Mike.

Big Mike.

Wanna buy in again, brotha? Feel like you need some chips.

- Man, give me 100 more. - Alright, alright, alright. Here you go.

Heh heh, anybody want a beer?

Yeah, I need a beer after that hand.

Okay. Champ, beer!

Man, don't nobody want no beer with no dog, man-dog saliva all--

no, I'm good.

You're a fit dog, but you can't get my damn beer.

- Rodney, we've all seen your ex-wife. - [Dog barks]

[Audience laughter]

Mm, that's dirty and dead wrong.

[Audience laughter]

Fellas, ante up, ante up, ante up.

Your bet, brotha.

[Rodney sighs]

- Rodney, your bet. - Alright.

You know you ain't said nuthin' [Indistinct], Tone.

[Audience laughter]

Man I fold. Dat darn.

[Audience laughter]

- What? - Huh?

Ah I just--

checkin'. [Dog barks]

You know what?

I'm all in.

[Audience laughter]

You know what? Man, I fold, man.

I know that's right. [Chuckles]

Hey you know, better luck next time though.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Vivian, if I never see another cupcake in life,

I will be just fine.

These are the last of them.

[Phone ringing]

Hello, Soul Sisters Catering LA.

Oh hi.

Really?

Okay.

Alright. Yeah, yeah. We'll take care of it.

Alright, yep. Yeah, we'll see ya soon.

Okay. Bye bye.

Who was that?

[Sighs] That was our client, Mrs. Carter.

Communication error on her part with her daughter's doctor.

Please don't tell me they're having a girl.

[Sighs] Okay, I won't.

No.

No! After filling these cupcakes with blue, we have to start all over again?

Well if we wanna get paid for the job.

Okay, okay. Alright, I'll you know start with the pink butter cream.

Yeah, I'll throw out this.

Hey, Soul Sistas!

- [Collectively] Hey. - I know. I know. I'll be out of your hair...

in a minute. I just wanna grab a couple more snacks.

Oh here, you know. Have some cupcakes.

Yep, a...

can I take all of them/

- Yeah. - Yeah. Take the whole tray, and when you're...

done with those, there's plenty more.

- Really? Oh well thank ya. - Plenty.

Ah ha, that is mighty sweet of you.

Hey, hey...okay.

I'm just goin'. Bye bye.

[Audience laughter] [Music stings out]

[Instrumental Music]

- Hey. Lise, Viv. - [Gasps]

- What in the ganache!? - Oh my gosh, we fell asleep.

[Audience laughter]

I was about to make some coffee, but it looks like the

two of you could use some.

- Thank you. Just how I like my men. - Thanks, baby.

[Audience laughter]

[Lisa] Thank you, baby.

- Alright. - Okay. We have a...

3 hours to finish up and get to the party to set up.

Okay.

[Doorbell rings] Okay, okay.

- A what's up, Donnie? - Hey, Tone.

Hey man, I was just about to make some coffee, man.

- Come on in. - Oh nah. I I wish I could, man.

I just came to see if Champ wanted to go walk [Dogs barking]

with me and my other furry friends.

Man, what are you doin' with all them dogs?

Well, these are my clients.

See last night after your card countin' pooch

got his hustle on, he inspired me to get my hustle on.

So I signed up with TailWags to become a dog walker.

[Audience laughter]

Donnie you know that when the dogs poop,

you gotta scoop it up when you walk 'em.

Ah, only if they catch you.

See, don't you remember the good days when a dog could just

poop and do they thang because it wadn't a big thang?

- Geh! - [Loud bark]

Donnie, what do you want?

I told you. I wanna take Champ for a walk.

He's my muse, man. You know what I mean. [Dog barks]

See I get $20 per dog and as you can see,

I'm about to make a quick hundred of Fifi,

Galaxy, Roscoe, Sebastian,

and Missy. Yah! [Dog barks]

Alright, man. Well your timing is actually impeccable because

I need to go over some paperwork before I meet with a client.

Alright. Well, let's do it.

Come on, Champ. Uncle Donnie's gonna take you for a walk.

Yeah, just like you walked us out of my money last night.

Look for the last time, the dog cannot count cards.

Yeah, whatever. Hey, Sebastian!

Would you get off Missy! I'm not tryin' to have her

be a single-puppy mama.

Jeepers! [Dogs barking]

[Music stings out]

[Instrumental Music]

Hey what's up, Tone? What you doin'? Some work or somethin'?

Man, what happened to all the dogs? Where's Champ?

Oh I got 'em all home safely, includin' Black Jack.

Who the hell is Black Jack?

Oh well you might know him as Champ.

Donnie, what did you do to Champ?

Well a while we were out takin' a walk, I happened to see

a wanted poster with a missin' dog,

and one of the pictures looked just like Champ.

So I called the number, the owner showed up, and then Champ

ran [Clicks teeth] straight to the owner.

Oh. Okay so you, you helped Champ

reunite with his human?

Yeah. She's fine as hell too.

[Audience laughter

Hey man, where did you get them new sneakers?

Are you talkin' about these?

- Ah yeah, those. - Oh okay. So you're talkin' about the a...

fresh to death, black satin toe J's?

Yes.

Well a as it turns out, the owner was also

offering a thousand dollar reward for the safe return of her pet.

[Audience laughter]

You got a cash reward?

Well a technically, that should be mine.

Well technically , you wrong.

See you didn't find the dog. Lisa did.

Okay...well then,

she deserves that reward, plus the receipt to them J's and what's

hers is mine, so pay up.

Aah, nah nah nah, it's not

how it goes there, brotha. See...

neither of you guys seem to acknowledge

any of the reward posters that were plastered

all around View Bark.

I called the number, I returned the dog, the reward is mine.

Hey, and also speakin' of that,

the owner is um takin' me out to dinner tonight

as part of the reward.

- Laughs - That is great, man.

But I'm I'm I'm happy for you, man.

- Alright. - Yeah actually, I think I'm gonna end up bein'...

a new step-puppy daddy.

- What? That's great, man. - Yeah.

Well you should step outside with me for a minute, man.

- Cause you're such a good... - Ah, know what we should do?

- dog walker, - Yeah.

- Let's take a walk around the block. - Oh let's do it.

- Yeah, a man gotta get... - Let's go for a walk, man.

some exercise.

[Audience laughter] [Music stings out]