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1
00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:02,436
[Instrumental music]
2
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:04,205
Look at that right there, boy.
3
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,439
Had all the honeys.
4
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:06,974
You know, I was supposed to
be Lisa McDowell's love interest
5
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,976
in "Coming to America".
6
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,911
Boy, I was shining back then!
7
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,880
The only thing I
see "shining" is that
8
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:16,050
juicy-ass jerry curl dripping
down the side of your head.
[Laughter]
9
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,786
That's why they call
you "Hot Rod", that
sweat look like motor oil.
10
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,221
[Donnie laughs loudly]
11
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,390
Well you know what?
Forget both of y'all,
y'all don't know nothin'.
12
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,992
I got ladies. Got 'em
now, had 'em then.
13
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,427
More than I can say
for both of y'all.
14
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,562
You trippin'!
15
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,564
Man, I had all the
ladies back on me
16
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,766
way more than Tone
did back in High School.
17
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,069
Look, I know you
ain't braggin' about
18
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,670
hairy knuckle Harriet,
19
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:37,905
turkey neck Tanya,
20
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,274
and donkey breath Darlyn.
[Laughter]
21
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,742
Hey look, don't hate, man.
22
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:42,910
You know why they
called her "donkey",
23
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,513
'cause she had all the
donkey-donk from the cake side.
24
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,747
[laughter]
25
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,849
* Woke up and my wife said to me
26
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,252
* The bill collectors
want their fees
27
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,587
* The kids keep
talkin' back to me
28
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,156
* Family time
29
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:59,660
* Family time,
family time, family time
30
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,497
[Instrumental music]
31
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:04,632
I don't care where she is.
32
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:09,270
If they ever make Idris
the black James Bond,
33
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:13,174
I know I'll be cast as
one of his Bond girls.
[Audience laughs]
34
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,542
Oh, please.
35
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,944
By the time they
decide to cast him,
you really be old as hell.
36
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,947
You're just jealous because
you know Idris and I
37
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:23,951
would just be too hot to
handle in the love scenes!
38
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:28,622
Yes, hot because
you'd be having hot
flashes the whole time.
39
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,524
Alright, enough!
[Audience laughing]
40
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:33,026
Can we just have a
nice little sister brunch
41
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,796
without y'all bickering
the entire time?
42
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,731
Don't blame me, blame her.
43
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:41,235
I mean, it's just, she has a
had time handling that I was
44
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,703
born to be a star.
45
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,373
Yeah, more like
Sponge Bob's Patrick Star.
46
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:48,209
You know what? And I bet
you Sponge Bob doesn't.
47
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,211
- You wish.
- Excuse me.
48
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,747
Hi, um, I just
wanted to say that
49
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:56,083
the texture of your hair is
50
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,051
absolutely marvelous.
51
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:01,322
I mean, what are you, pre-up?
52
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,490
[Laughter]
53
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:06,927
I mean, it is practically
glistening from every angle.
54
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,198
- Why, yes.
- Uh, you do know
that's not her real-
55
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,665
Angle! [Chuckles]
[Audience laughs]
56
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,202
- This angle here
is much, much better.
- Oh.
57
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:17,171
But continue, ignore her.
As you were saying?
58
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,340
Allow me to introduce myself.
59
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,442
My name is Deborah Jones.
60
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,644
Oh, Deborah, darling. Mwah!
61
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:29,517
And I am a representative
at Starlight Talent Agency.
62
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,352
Oh, Deborah darling, well,
63
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,086
let me introduce. This,
64
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,523
is my assistant, Lisa.
[Audience laughs]
65
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,592
And my maid, Wilt Jr.
[Audience laughs]
66
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,262
Nice to meet you all.
67
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:43,231
- Pardon the interruption.
- Oh, no, please, darling.
68
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,299
I actually just came over to
69
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,635
ask if you would
be willing to do
70
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,870
an ad campaign for
71
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:53,207
"Lose Dem Naps" hair care line.
72
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,643
[Gasps]
I love "Lose Dem Naps"!
73
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,545
I use their pomade wax like,
74
00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:00,381
everyday to lay down
my little baby hairs.
[Laughs]
75
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,283
Yeah, and Lori uses 'em.
76
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:05,219
to lay down her beady b's
on her nappy-ass kitchen.
77
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:08,756
- Did I mention her hair's fake?
- Oh, she's so silly!
78
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,759
We found her in the jungle.
[Audience laughs]
79
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,394
Oh, wow!
80
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,062
- I'm from there, too.
- Ooh.
81
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,897
Rough place to grow up.
82
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,300
You know, I heard the
neighborhood's been gentrified.
83
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,002
Oh darling, not that jungle,
84
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,971
she was raised by a meerkat
85
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,040
and wild boar.
[Laughter]
86
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,176
Well, okay.
87
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,511
So what do you say, Lori?
88
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,913
Well, I don't know...
89
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,115
I'll definitely have
to consult my high
90
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,285
powered managers about it.
91
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:40,321
But it does sound like
a great business move.
92
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,323
Well, great!
93
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,025
Here's my business card.
94
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:49,530
Ooh, we'll be in touch!
95
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,198
Thank you Deborah.
96
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,200
- Bye.
- Toodle-loo.
97
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,371
[Vocalizing]
98
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,607
[Instrumental music]
99
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,709
[Inaudibly chatting]
100
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,445
- Oh!
- Hey mom! Hey dad!
101
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,447
Well look what the wind blew in!
102
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,517
Yeah, smellin'
like funky clothes.
[Laughing]
103
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:12,553
It's so nice of you to grace
us with your presence.
104
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,323
Yes, we thought since you're
going to college in town
105
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,624
we'd see you more often.
106
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,292
Well mom, you know how it is,
107
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,793
studying, frat parties-
108
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,662
[Stammering] Miss me
with the frat parties,
109
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,664
- tell me about that
studying, how's that going?
- Right.
110
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,400
It's going fine, I just got an
A on my Spanish midterm.
111
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:29,236
Speaking of Spanish, [Sniffs]
Do I smell like tacos?
112
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,972
Tengo hombre, [Sniffs]
donde es del las tacos!
113
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,141
[Laughter]
Uh, taco abre to you too, baby.
114
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,509
[Lisa laughs]
115
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,345
Where's the food at
dad, I'm hungry.
116
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,213
Oh, oh, hey, well, it's
good to see that my
money's going to good use.
117
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,882
Yeah, you can have
my plate, baby.
118
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:45,586
- Sit down, enjoy yourself.
- Mm-hmm.
119
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,822
Mm, mom! This
food is really good!
120
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,458
Oh, well thank you.
121
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,427
I'm tryin' to figure out
if I should cook this same
meal for Lori, or if I should
122
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,995
make something different.
123
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,331
Why are you worried
about what to feed Lori?
124
00:04:57,365 --> 00:05:00,334
Ain't it hibernating season
for bears anyway?
[Laughter]
125
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,002
Shut up, Tony.
126
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,772
I'm talking about for her hair
ad reveal party I'm hosting.
127
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,574
Aunt Lori's a hair
model? Since when?
128
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,576
Well, as of this
afternoon, she is now the
129
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,844
new face of "Lose Dem Naps".
130
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:15,082
What is her face gonna do,
scare them naps straight?
[Laughter]
131
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,251
- Hey, what's up Stallworths?
- [Lisa] Oh, hey Donnie.
132
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:19,587
Hi, what're we eatin'?
133
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:23,357
We are eating the food that
my wife prepared for us.
[Laughter]
134
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,526
Why you gotta treat me
like a second class citizen?
135
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,728
Why you always gotta come
into my house unannounced?
136
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,863
Why don't you know
Ebony ain't yours?
137
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,366
[Laughter]
138
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,702
How you gonna walk
straight after I beat yo ass?
139
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,470
Touche.
140
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,706
Hey mom, dad, uh,
can I please go?
141
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,374
Uh, not until you've
finished your dinner.
142
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:41,542
Please mom?
I'll finish it later.
143
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,043
My friend's supposed
to come pick me up.
144
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,378
Which friend?
145
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:47,047
Um, well, his name is Marcus,
146
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,783
and he's sort of
kinda my boyfriend.
147
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,385
[All] Your what?!
148
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,153
My... boyfriend.
149
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,988
My gosh, she said it again!
150
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,056
Okay, that's it. Go upstairs,
151
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,758
lock the door, and don't
come down 'til you're 30!
152
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,793
Dad, I'm not Rapunzel. Besides,
153
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,496
you were the one
who said I could have
a boyfriend when I'm 17.
154
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:05,065
Mm, she does have
a point there, Tony.
155
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,800
So can I please go
mom? He's waiting.
156
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:07,935
No, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!
157
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,003
You tell Michael bring his
inside so we can meet him.
158
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,772
Ugh, fine! His name is Marcus.
159
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,474
Marcus Dowly, don't
mess his name up.
160
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,643
[Tony gasps]
161
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,411
A boyfriend, Tone?
162
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,246
Now she just catchin' attitudes?
163
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,182
At the rate she goin',
she'll be catchin'
dollas at the strip club!
164
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,984
Keep it up, you about
to catch this fade.
[Laughter]
165
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,252
Lisa, did you know about this?
166
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,120
No, Tony, I didn't
know, but it was
167
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,322
- bound to happen eventually.
- Mm-hmm.
168
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,659
Mom, dad, uncle Donnie,
169
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,360
this is my boyfriend Marcus.
170
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,629
- Hi, hi, nice to meet you...
- What?
171
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,631
[Laughter]
172
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,766
Huh?
173
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,434
That's what they all say!
Ebony, go wait in the car!
174
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:41,969
- What?
- You heard him.
175
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,303
- Get in the car.
- Go on.
176
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,305
Get yo ass in the car.
[Laughter]
177
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,611
You play sports, Marcus?
178
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,812
Yes sir, I played football.
179
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,114
Oh yeah? You
score any touchdowns?
180
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,716
- Yes, sir.
- You lookin' to score
touchdowns today?
181
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,018
Oh, no, sir! Uh-uh-uh.
[Laughter]
182
00:06:58,051 --> 00:07:00,287
- You ever been to prison?
- Yes, sir.
183
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,955
- Oh hell no, lock the door.
- Oh, you 'bout,
it's going down!
184
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,691
Oh, no, no, wait, wait, wait!
Please, please, please!
185
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,626
No, no, no! I, I went to jail
186
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,529
for an internship. I, I'm
studying Criminal Justice.
187
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:09,997
- Oh, that's admirable.
- That's pretty good.
188
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,032
Good job. You know, you gotta
focus on your [Inaudible].
189
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,134
- Solid, nice guy.
- Can, can I?
190
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,136
- Can I go wait in the car?
- Yeah, sure.
191
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,971
Yeah, get outta here, man.
[Donnie chuckles]
192
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,372
Seems like a good kid.
193
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,675
Yeah, hey, I'm just
glad I didn't have to
get my secret weapon.
194
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,376
Donnie, you brought
a gun into my house?
195
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,078
Hell naw!
196
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,747
It's in the car.
197
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,483
[Stammering] I don't know what's
wrong with you man, you
keep a gun in your car?
198
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,520
No! It's in yours.
[Laughter]
199
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:37,224
Like I'm gonna ride around
with an unregistered
weapon in my car. [Laughs]
200
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:40,093
If I get arrested, who
gonna take care of the kids?
201
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,130
Donnie, get the
hell outta my house.
[Instrumental music]
202
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:47,835
[Instrumental music]
203
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,070
Sorry dolls, I'm late.
204
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,339
Uh, yeah, we've
been waiting on you.
205
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,943
Well, my new assistant
was running late
206
00:07:55,976 --> 00:08:00,514
to Kinky's to blow up a
life size image of me
207
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,716
in my new ad.
208
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,618
Didn't they just
send it in an email?
209
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,520
Yes, of course they did. But,
210
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:09,923
you can't contain this type
of beauty in the clouds.
[Laughter]
211
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,424
I wanna see me
212
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:14,928
large, in charge, and
in livin' color, honey!
[Laughter]
213
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,697
Okay, Wanda.
214
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,699
Girl, so where were you?
215
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,300
Honey,
216
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,536
you can't rush flawlessness.
217
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:26,139
But, as compensation
for your patience,
218
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,543
I have brought everyone here
219
00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:32,212
a complimentary sample
220
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:35,148
of "Lose Dem Naps"!
221
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,050
Here, there's one for you.
222
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,920
How you think Becky
got that good hair?
[Laughter]
223
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:44,057
I have one...
224
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,059
- for you.
- Thank you.
225
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,394
[Audience laughing]
226
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:51,565
I have one for you,
gorgeous, yes!
227
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:56,403
And somewhere I, I think
I only have one left.
228
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,337
Perfect.
229
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,340
Oh, no, darling. See,
230
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:04,578
this conditioner only
works on human hair.
[Laughter]
231
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:07,848
Oh, don't look so sad.
232
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:11,418
Don't they make conditioners
at the stables where you live?
233
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,453
[Laughter]
234
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:16,924
Gimme the conditioner!
235
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,692
With your Oscar
the Grouch fur on!
236
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:24,765
Anyway, everyone, ladies
and gender neutrals!
237
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,266
[Laughter]
Thank you.
238
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,035
[Doorbell rings]
239
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,103
Whitney May...
240
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,706
what? girl, get in here!
241
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,375
I'mma call your mamma.
242
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,178
Alright everyone,
here Whitney, darling.
243
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,947
Grab this.
244
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:43,150
Ah! Presenting...
245
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:48,288
my new add...
for "Lose Dem Naps!"
246
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:52,660
Lori Calloway's debut!
247
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,961
[Audience gasps]
248
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,528
[Screaming] Oh, Lord!
249
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,964
[Lori gasping]
250
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,332
What in the Tamar Braxton?
251
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:02,670
[Instrumental music]
[Laughter]
252
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,874
Good morning everybody.
253
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,575
Ha ha, my man 'Tone!
254
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,244
What's up man? You come in here
lookin' all happy and whatnot.
255
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,247
That is because I am.
You know fellas,
256
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,016
when you have a baby girl,
257
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,018
your biggest fear,
or one of them anyway,
258
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,253
is that one day she'll
bring home a knucklehead.
[Laughter]
259
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:23,256
Well, I can officially say I am
not one of those fathers.
260
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,426
Okay, and how can you
say that, without a doubt?
261
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,996
Well, because, I met
Ebony's little boyfriend.
262
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,164
And uh, he seems
like a good kid.
263
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:32,766
Now, he don't have
any face tats,
264
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,234
he doesn't have
multi-colored hair,
265
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:37,437
and he doesn't say
"gang gang" every 30
seconds like I anticipated.
266
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,571
Well that's all good, but
267
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,874
that doesn't make him
immune to bein' a knucklehead.
268
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,943
You know, he took it pretty well
when me and Donnie grilled him.
269
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,746
And um, hey, they out
right now gettin' ice cream.
270
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,280
- Ice cream?
- Oh yeah.
271
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,282
[Chuckles] Ice cream?
272
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,018
Oh, the old "ice cream" trick.
273
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,620
I used to take girls to get
ice cream back in the day.
[Chuckles]
274
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,622
Boy, let's just say, uh,
275
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,424
well she was the mango,
276
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,959
and I was the sherbert.
[Laughter]
277
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,593
So you're sayin' I
shouldn't trust him?
278
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,530
I'm sayin' keep an eye
on this cat, man.
279
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,098
Keep an eye on him, huh?
280
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:07,100
Like Fetty Wap.
[Laughter]
281
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:10,270
[Instrumental music]
282
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,638
Mm!
283
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,307
Now this thing,
this thing debuts
284
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,943
in two days, people!
285
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:19,747
And I'll be damned
if my modeling debut
has me looking like
286
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:23,316
Montel Williams' fraternal twin.
[Laughter]
287
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,153
I mean you're the lawyer, why
don't you I don't know, sue 'em?
288
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,321
No, see,
289
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:32,325
that would be lettin' 'em
off way too easy, Lisa.
290
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,828
Why don't you just
march right in there and
291
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,164
talk to the people that
are responsible for it, Lori?
292
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,966
Now that
293
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,300
would be a great idea.
294
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,769
And you know Rachel
and I, we'll be,
295
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,270
you know, we'll be
right there to support you.
296
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,906
Rachel who?
[Audience laughs]
297
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,908
Yeah, sure fine,
I'll, I'll help.
298
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:51,078
I mean, I do feel bad that
you look like Amber Roach.
[Laughter]
299
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,614
[Instrumental music]
300
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,720
I'm sorry my dad
got a little crazy.
301
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,525
Hi.
302
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,095
My name is Angela, and I'll
be your server this evening.
303
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,530
Can I get you two started with
the senior citizen's special?
304
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,099
Uh, uh, I'll just take a beer.
305
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,367
Alright, can I see some ID?
306
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,203
- Uh, uh...
- Um, uh...
307
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,838
[Chuckles]
I'm just messin' with you.
308
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:22,943
Um, okay, so one beer
for the young man. And...
309
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,111
for you, sir?
310
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,713
Well, if Willie Jones'
gonna have a beer,
[Laughter]
311
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,016
Jarvis is gonna
have one as well.
[Laughter]
312
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,484
- Alright. I'll be back
with those drinks.
- Hmm!
313
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,821
I think I'm better as Jarvis.
[Laughter]
314
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,556
Wow Tone, I gotta dress
like an old man more often!
315
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,525
I feel so respectable now.
316
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:41,061
Maybe after this, I can drive
by the senior living center,
317
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,964
and pick up one of
those old broads.
[Laughter]
318
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,899
They say old folks' homes
319
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,201
are like the new brothels.
[Laughter]
320
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,837
Would you knock it off?
321
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:53,073
We are dressed up so that
we can spy on them, that's it!
322
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,542
Okay? Focus.
323
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,778
Here are your two beers.
324
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,748
- Thank you, darlin'.
- Hey!
325
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:05,152
Haven't I seen you in one
of those magazines before?
326
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,419
You may have.
327
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,422
I model part time for Benti by
Rekana.
328
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,258
I'll give you five bucks
329
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,828
if you can guess the
exact magazine I was in.
330
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,264
- Jet.
- No.
331
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,033
- Essence?
- No.
332
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,602
Ebony!
[Laughter]
333
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,305
Did you? Did you hear
somebody call my name?
334
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,007
That's a bet.
335
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,676
Damn it Donnie! You
almost blew our cover!
336
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,711
Sorry Willie,
[Clears throat] Tony.
337
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,780
Wow Ebony, you are so beautiful.
338
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,382
Aww, thanks babe.
339
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,851
I know we haven't
been together that long,
340
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,720
but with you it's like I, I
have this instant connection.
341
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,190
I want you by my
side all the time.
342
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,225
So, that's why I
wanted to ask you
343
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,261
if you'd be interested in moving
in with me next semester.
[Audience gasps]
344
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,563
[Instrumental music]
345
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,533
[Instrumental music]
346
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:57,104
Alright, now y'all
look like y'all in
the middle of a meeting.
347
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,572
But I need answers!
348
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,075
Not now, hmm!
349
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,543
But right now!
350
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,914
Uh, ma'am, we are
in the middle of a meeting,
so you need to leave.
351
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:11,084
Baby, I don't care if
you're in the middle of
open heart surgery.
352
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:15,255
I want to know who
made me bald? Huh?
353
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,156
Was it you?
354
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,424
Was it you? 'Cause you look like
355
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,126
you done made somebody bald!
356
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,261
Lady, ma'am, okay?
357
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,629
Now, you cannot be in here,
358
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,898
so you gonna have to leave.
359
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,433
I know my rights, baby.
360
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,401
I am a lawyer.
361
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,437
- Since when?
- You be quiet!
362
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,939
I'm almost a lawyer!
363
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,573
You're supposed to
be on my side today.
364
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:37,177
And I need to know
who's responsible.
365
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,912
[Singing] Yeah!
366
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:41,614
- And who are you?
- Huh?
367
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:45,485
Oh honey, I am
the Lori Calloway.
368
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,455
The face of "Lose Dem Naps".
369
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,790
And these...
370
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,625
are my "yeah, sisters".
371
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,827
[Singing] Yeah!
372
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,630
- You're the face of
"Lose Dem Damn Naps"?
- Mm-hmm.
373
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:59,032
You look so much
different with hair.
374
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,134
[She scoffs]
I mean, you look
like Paula J Parker.
375
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,170
Oh, whoever she is.
376
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,137
From "Friday".
377
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,306
Oh, honey, you ain't got to lie.
378
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,309
And flattery will get
you nowhere, palsie.
379
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,679
Now, you need to
start talkin' right now.
380
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,315
Are you the one who
tried to sabotage my big
381
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,485
break by makin' me
Photoshopped bald?
382
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,820
Um, sabotage, now why
would that be sabotage?
383
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,522
Oh, don't play dumb with her,
384
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,992
you know damn well you got
my sister out here lookin' like
385
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,360
an alien from Area 51!
[Laughter]
386
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,561
Exactly!
387
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:31,331
We can call our sister
÷ET, but you can't!
[Laughter]
388
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,700
Don't even think
about pulling one over
on the Calloway sisters,
389
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,002
okay? 'Cause we don't play!
390
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,637
Hmm. I'm sure you
two don't, but,
391
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,307
but anyway, there's a, there's
a logical explanation for this.
392
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,209
Well you better get
to logically explainin'
393
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,844
before these hoops come out,
'cause once they do honey,
394
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,847
I won't be able to logically
'splain to the judge
395
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,418
why my fist is logically
lodged up yo nose!
396
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,021
Okay, listen alpha woman!
397
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,156
Okay? Now I can
understand why you have
398
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,691
a problem with the
poster and the campaign.
399
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,194
But this particular ad
was used to promote
400
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,395
our new hair removal line.
401
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,864
- Mm?
- No, really.
402
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:07,234
See, we wanted to
showcase the beauty
403
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,403
of the black bald women
who get stigmatized
404
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,705
every day because
of people like you
405
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,741
with these negative
connotations about
406
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,009
black bald head.
407
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,545
No, no, no, I love alopecias!
[Laughter]
408
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,247
So what you're sayin' is
409
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,115
I could be seen
410
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,883
as a revolutionary,
411
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,719
- if I let y'all go bald?
- Yeah.
412
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:30,723
More than that, see,
you'll be on the Mount
Rushmore of bald heads.
413
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,559
- I like that.
- Yeah.
[Laughter]
414
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,195
- Like Common.
- Oh yeah, he
sings some nice songs.
415
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,063
Damon Wayans.
416
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,298
- Or Mitch Payne.
- But who could top
417
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,466
Amber Rose?
418
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,401
Baby, will ya slut walk for me?
419
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,803
- Mm, mm, mm.
We doin' something.
- Okay.
420
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,638
Okay, I see where
you're goin' with this.
421
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,907
- Yeah.
- You know, this sounds
wonderful with an "o".
422
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,642
- Alright then, okay.
- Wait, wait, wait.
423
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,078
Hold up, so,
424
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,546
what does this mean? We
not whuppin' no ass today?
[Laughter]
425
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,916
'Cause I ain't bring this police
baton out here for nothin'.
[Laughter]
426
00:16:56,949 --> 00:17:01,254
Okay, no, now fortunately
for me, it means that
427
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,956
Lori Calloway will be the
face of all our products
428
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,958
- and I'm doubling your salary.
- Woo!
429
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:08,561
- Yeah!
- I even triple it if I
can have a date with you.
430
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,330
- Yeah!
- Alright.
431
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,332
[Singing softly] No.
432
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,334
[Instrumental music]
433
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,936
That answer is hell no!
434
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,671
- Mr. Stallworth?
- Dad, is that you?!
435
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:19,606
You damn right it's me.
436
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,141
And uncle Donnie?!
437
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,609
Oh no, now, I'm Jarvis,
438
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,312
- I was born in 1939-
- Will you knock it off?!
439
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,580
What are you guys doing
here? And why are you
dressed like Eddie Murphy
440
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,116
and Martin Lawrence in "Life"?
441
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,118
The real question is why
are you tryin' to move
442
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,685
in with some boy you
don't even know?
443
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:33,920
You don't even know what I-
444
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:35,755
Oh what, how
"in love" y'all are?
445
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,757
Save it Ebony, wait 'til your
mamma hear about this!
446
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,659
- But, but-
- But nothin'! This
little date is over!
447
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,661
Come on!
[Instrumental Music]
448
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,435
Ugh, my life is ruined.
449
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,804
Ah, stop whining, your
daddy won the lottery.
[Audience laughs]
450
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:57,177
Lisa! Lisa! Can you come
downstairs for a minute?
451
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,545
What's going on?
452
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,148
And why are you two
dressed like Kid 'n Played out?
[Laughter]
453
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,450
To answer both of
your questions, what's
going on is something
454
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,885
terrible, okay? And,
and the second question's,
455
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,454
- it was all Donnie's idea.
- What?!
456
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,157
It, it was Tony's idea to
spy on Marcus and Ebony!
457
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,492
Okay wait, I know it sounds bad,
458
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,893
but what Ebony's doin',
459
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,295
oh, that sounds a lot worse!
460
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,165
She's tryin' to move in with her
little boyfriend next semester!
461
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:21,168
Oh wait, Ebony, is this true?
[Doorbell rings]
462
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,339
What do you want?
463
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,707
I just want to apologize.
464
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,843
And I want you to give me
the number of yo barber.
[Audience laughs]
465
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,816
Look sir,
466
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:40,720
I know it was extremely
inappropriate of me to ask
your daughter to move in,
467
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,490
but the only reason I
asked her, aside from
wanting to be with her, is
468
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,692
because it would
make the rent cheaper.
469
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,561
But I know you guys
probably still hate me, so,
470
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,996
I guess I'll just
leave you with that.
471
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,164
Alright, take it easy.
[Laughter]
472
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,433
Marcus, wait, wait, wait, wait.
473
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:57,170
I know I prolonged this tension
by not speaking up for myself,
474
00:18:57,204 --> 00:19:00,373
and since I'm old enough to
make my own decisions,
475
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:03,576
mom, dad, I'm not
moving in with Marcus.
476
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,278
- Wait, you're not?
- No.
477
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,280
And if you would've let
me answer that at dinner,
478
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,582
me and Marcus wouldn't have
to end our date so abruptly.
479
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:12,919
And you and uncle Donnie
wouldn't be temporarily
banned from that restaurant.
480
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,522
- Yeah...
- That's a very
wise decision, Ebony.
481
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,890
You two are way too young
to be moving in together.
482
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,927
Oh I know, and I factored the
whole eating situation
483
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,864
since Marcus or I can cook,
it was kind of a no-brainer.
484
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,633
But, he knows how
I feel about him
485
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:30,069
and he knows that it'll be okay
if we took things slow, right?
486
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,205
Absolutely.
487
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:33,873
Hm.
488
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,443
Well you know what, I...
sorry I ruined your date, man.
489
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,445
It's all good, Mr. Stallworth.
490
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,079
Well, the date doesn't
have to be over.
491
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,582
Is it alright if I take Ebony
to get some ice cream?
492
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,584
[Both] Hell no!
[Laughter]
493
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,554
[Marcus] No.
494
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,422
- I know, I know.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
495
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,525
Hey, but his fade was tight.
[Instrumental music]
496
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,928
[Instrumental music]
497
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,097
Hello ladies!
498
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,899
- Hey.
- Okay,
499
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,402
presenting, drum roll please.
500
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,503
[Vocalizing drum roll]
501
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:08,675
Lose Dem Caps!
502
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,677
[Both] Daaaaamn!
[Laughter]
503
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:13,946
Damn!
504
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,948
Uh, is that the poster
505
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,685
for the new Sharknado movie?
[Laughter]
506
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,020
No, Ama-gross-a,
507
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,823
it's my new ad campaign
508
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:26,293
for people with
caps on their teeth.
509
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:30,530
To help them realize
how beautiful they are
with their natural gaps.
510
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,365
Mm. It looks like
511
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,034
a sign up for a self
defense or else class.
512
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,769
Oh ye of little brains.
[Laughter]
513
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:39,672
I think it's great that you're
using your platform to help
514
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:41,207
under represented
groups of people.
515
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,042
Thank you, Lisa. Yeah.
516
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:46,346
See, my next ad campaign
is called "Lose Dem Gaps",
517
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,548
to help people with gaps realize
518
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,216
we need braces.
519
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,218
[Instrumental music]
39215
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