Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

Baby, if you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

Oh, that's easy. I'd be first lady just like Auntie Michelle.

Okay first of all, Michelle Obama is not your auntie.

And I'm talkin' bout a real job.

Are you kidding me?

Auntie been puttin' in work for all 8 of them years. Okay, she is

writin' books, she's touring, she's got a Getflix deal, she's a freakin'

fashion icon.

Okay, okay. You're right. You're right. You're right. But since Auntie Michelle

is already Michelle Obama, what would Lisa Stallworth be?

I don't know, baby. What would your dream job be?

Easy. I'd be Jay Z.

Okay, so you can be Jay Z, but I can't be

Michelle Obama? What what part of the game is this? How does that make sense?

I don't know but I'd be Jay Z, and you be Beyonce.

You know what? Keep it up.

I'm a be a single lady while you livin' a hard knock life.

[Theme Music]

* Woke up and my wife said to me *

* The bill collectors want their fees *

* The kids keep talkin' back to me *

* Family Time

* Family Time. Family Time

* Family Time. Waa aah woa oah oah oah yeah *

[Instrumental Music]

Dammit Brandy, where are you?

We got work to do.

[Banging]

Stupid.

Hey, Mr. Stallworth.

Hey, nothin'. Yo do know that you are over an hour late?

Please, I've been here. I was just over

across the street at the Moonbucks.

And you left the office open? We coulda been robbed blind.

Brandi!

Mr. Stallworth, you don't have to yell at me you know.

I'm right here, and you spittin' on me.

And plus, Melinda says she used to leave here all the time.

[Audience laughter]

That's when you laugh. It was a joke.

She used to leave all the time. [Laughter]

Yeah, yeah. Keep jokin'. I'm a hire and fire

your whole family. Keep it up.

Now get off your phone and get to work!

Mr. Stallworth, I'm only one clue away from winnin' the Funstagram

Fun Hunt grand prize.

- The Funsta-what? - The Funstagram Fun Hunt grand prize.

You see look? I got one more clue to win a

free meet and greet with the Los Angeles Lazers,

and I get playoff tickets.

Oah!...You a Lazer fan too, huh?

[Scoffs] No...but I am a fan a that fine,

wooh! he fine. Good Lyle Luzma.

Honey and if I play my cards right,

as I will,

he will be my ticket to the ballers wives' players club.

[Audience laughter]

Now come on now, the only game I need you focused on is your A-game!

I am always on my....

A-game!

- Aaay, aaay...game! - Alright alright. Okay, okay.

- Yeah. - Calm down, Tina Turner. Relax, relax.

Now pay attention.

Come on. Come on.

- Oh okay, okay, okay. - Focus.

- Tomas Sajkoski - one of the biggest developers on the west coast -

- Alright. - has given us priority bidding on a new huge contract...

based on the strength that he worked with my father.

Ooh, I like the sound of that.

Yes, ma'am.

- So in this huge contract, is there any benefits for... - Mm hm.

- ...me? - Absolutely!

Yes, I knew you was my guy. Wha what is it?

Ha. Well check this out.

You gotta get the bid in by 2pm.

That's easy, done!

Alright. And I will allow you...

- Right. - ...to keep your job and you get a paycheck on Friday.

[Laughter] Come on. Come on.

It ain't funny, Mr. Stallworth.

Okay well I ain't playin', alright.

Now stay off that damn phone and pick up this here file.

Come on.

I know how to multi-task.

You know you are testin' my gangsta!

Now let's not forget you are still in your probationary period.

A-game, woman. A-game!

I'm tryin' to win tickets to a game.

[Audience laughter]

I have the craziest bridezillas.

They read one bridal magazine and think they know better than me

how their wedding should be.

I love how passionate you are about your work.

I really do. I mean I wish I had that.

Oh yeah, there's only one me.

Until they decide to clone me. I'm sure they're workin' on it.

No but seriously, I mean the kids are about to be gone.

I'm gonna be sittin' here eatin' bonbons waitin' for Tony to come home from work.

It's time for a career.

It's time for a new husband.

Shut up! Rachel.

I don't even know what I would do. I haven't worked in so long.

Ha, what about stripping?

Been there, done that.

Yeah you know, Tony would kinda kill me if I did that,

but I mean I do have the body for it.

No, please. No! No I'm talking

about steam stripping. You know, wallpaper removing.

Okay, not that.

Um, what about working at Tony's office?

You could do what Brandi does.

Ooh, Brandi don't even want to do Brandi's job.

Neither did Melinda. That's why she gone.

You know, and Tony is a full time job at home so...

that'll work.

Well...

why do you need...a job,

when you could just get a raise from Tony.

Um, forget Tony.

Get a job making these. Yummy!

- Really? It's just some stuff I had in the fridge. - Uh huh.

You know I used to bartend in college.

Okay, well this stuff is better than the very expensive

bottle of wine I open every night.

And why can I totally see you dancing Coyote Ugly style on a bar?

Oh!

Come on, it was college.

- Aaah! - She did. She did. - I had to pay for those...

- ...books somehow. They weren't gonna pay for themselves. - Mm hm.

- Okay, well... - Don't tell Tony!

[Audience laughter]

You need to be a mixologist, huh?

That just sound like a fancy-ass bartender.

Do these mixologists make any money?

That's a good question.

Ooh there's a course. You know what, Lisa? I'm signing you up.

I don't know about all that. I mean I just make drinks for fun.

What's more fun than drinking and making money?

Drinking for free at your sister's house.

Consider this the last call.

Mm. [Audience laughter]

Okay, it needs a name. It's really good. It needs a name.

Razzmatazz.

- Huh, Razzmatazz. - Razzmatazz.

She's good.

[Instrumental Music]

[Audience laughter]

Brandi, I have been callin' you!

You didn't hear the phone ringin'?

Ah well...yeah,

but I'm on my break, Mr. Stallworth.

Plus, I'm tryin' to make sure I'm a win.

- But... - Listen, listen, I don't give a damn about that...

- contest, alright.

You need to take a break from your phone.

Now Sim called me, what'd you say?

I didn't say nothin'.

Look Sarah called, and she told me that you did not

send in the bid. What happened?

Um, I sent in that bid.

Matter of fact, I will show you I stay connected.

I do my job!

Now look at this right here.

Wait, where ah...

a I thought I seen it right here.

See, look. It's a it's right here in my....

Brandi it is still in your drafts. You never pressed send!

[Knocking]

[Sighs] I'm sorry. My bad, Mr. Stallworth.

Up, I thought you sent it.

- I said, "a my bad, Mr. Stallworth." - My bad.

Brandi, my bad is something you say when you bite off the ear of a heavyweight champion.

- I never done that. - Okay, my bad

is also somethin' you say when your mama's whoopin' you with a belt

you accidentally grab it.

Oh ah pah, whew!

Okay now my bad is even something you say when I ask you to

bring some of those delicious Safari-style fries

from Inside-Out burger but you think

nah, I'm not gonna do that because his wife told me he had to watch his

- ...cholesterol. - I I can't do that I'm sorry Mr.-- because she said

Listen, listen, listen, I needed you on your A-game today.

Now you not handling your business

is messin' with my business.

[Phone vibrating]

You know what, I'm sorry but I have to check this.

Well, go ahead. Check it. Check it.

Really?!

Yeah!

- You know what? - Hm.

At first I thought you was mad at me,

- That's why you my dog. - What?

- You remind me of my dad. - You trippin'.

Oh yeah. No, yeah.

Yeah no you you good, baby. You can take all the

- ...time you need cause you know why? - Thank you so much.

[Inhales] I gotta let you go.

Yeah yeah, hashtag, you fired.

[Audience laughter]

[Brandi sobbing]

[Music sting]

Tell Mr. Banks that he will have this blueprints by today.

I said that yesterday?

Okay, well I mean it today.

[Knocking] Hello?

[Knocking continues]

Dammit Vivian, why you knockin' on my door like Mr.Biggs at R. Kelly's house?

Hello to you too, Tony.

Is Lisa home?

No, she is not.

She is at her mixology class,

and as you can see, I am very busy so thank you for stopping by.

Wooh! Lisa is gonna have a fit when she sees

what you've done to her living room.

Okay first of all, it is our living room,

and second of all, Lisa ain't the boss of me.

Oh ho Tony, forgive me for saying it but you look horrible.

[Audience laughter]

Vivian have you ever heard the saying, if you don't have anything nice to say,

just shut the hell up!

Okay, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Since when do you bring work home?

You messin' up the Feng Shui in here.

Okay, Feng don't live here and he took Shui with him.

[Audience laughter]

[Sighs] I fired my assistant at work.

Now I'm swimmin' in blueprints and filin' and

a brotha ain't built for this.

Oh, well you need to get organized.

Maurice Condo could help whip this place right into shape.

Maurice who?

He's an organizational guru. He has a hit show on Getflix.

Does it look like I have time to watch some show?

Well, I could help.

- You? - Yeah, sure! I'm good at organization.

Unless you've got something against hiring family?

[Scoffs] Please. You ain't family.

You married to my brother. That's barely related.

If we had a baby, he'd come out normal.

[Chuckles] Look I I'm just kiddin'. I'm just kiddin'. That's not a bad idea.

Okay, why don't we start

on a temporary basis, okay? Just...

- ...start with just a little somethin'. Just this here and - Alright.

- Okay and then here, get that. - Yup.

- And then take this too, would you? - Yep. Sure.

Ah look I gotta get these blueprints by the office. You can get this all cleaned up

before Lisa gets here, right?

- Ah well I I-- - Great. Here's the keys to the office.

Be there bright and early.

Ah but we haven't discussed salary yet.

[Chuckles] You cray-- salary!

We family. Guh, salary!

She [Indistinct].

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

This is so exciting.

I can't believe Tony's letting you do this.

Girl, please! Tony is not the boss of me.

Okay.

You don't think there's like a test do you?

[Inhales] Lisa, I didn't bring any number 2 pencils.

Not even one.

Bottoms up.

- Thank you. - Mm hm.

Ooh huh, whew! Mm.

- Mm hm. - You gonna be okay?

- I think so. - M'kay. Let's go.

Hello, hi. Cheryl Boudry,

badass and boujee, that's right.

- Ha ha! - Yeah. Well, she is definitely that.

- Mm. - Um...

what, Lamont?

Lisa Calloway!

Wow, what are you doin' here?

Taking the mixology course. What are you doing here?

I'm teachin' the course.

Oh that's weird. You two know each other, huh?

Lisa's my ex.

- You did not tell me about that. - Yeah.

- That's...wow. - It was high school. Okay, relax.

Ah hah, that's great.

So...you're single. Hi.

I am divorced. I do not mind sloppy seconds, okay?

Ain't no fun if the homies can't have any, right?

[Audience laughter]

Okay everyone. Now let's get to pourin'.

- Mm. - This tool right here is called a jigger.

Not to be confused with a thingamajig or a whatchamacalllit.

Or even Jay Z.

He is funny.

And without this little rubber thingy,

your job will be harder than a drunk tryin' to whisper a secret.

Oh, rubbery thingy! [Laughter]

- [Cheryl] You figure that out. - [Lisa] Yeah, I got that.

[Lisa] Yep, nice.

- [Lisa and Lamont] Mm hm. - [Lamont] Enough. - [Cheryl] Enough?

- [Lamont] Right. - [Lisa] Okay.

[Loud rattling]

[Ice cubes shaking] - [Lisa] Oh, here. - [Lamont] Mm hm.

- [Lisa] Okay, ooh. - [Lamont] Ah.

I think I might be good at this.

- Yeah? - [Lamont] There you go.

Alright. Let's see what you got?

[Ice rattling] - [Lamont] Alright, let's...

- [Lisa] Good. - [Lamont] You got it. You got it. You got it.

[Lisa] I didn't do too much.

Mm, smells good.

Oah.

Mm mm.

- You always had that touch. - Oh. - [Cheryl] Ooh, Lisa.

- Pretty brown eyes. - Thank you. Oh, well...

Heh, thank you.

Mm hm.

[Audience laughter]

Ooh oh oh.

Uah, like a wino's weekend. Mm, what the hell is that?

That's a good weekend. Ha!

[Audience laughter]

- Oh, ooh. - Okay!...

[Clapping] Lisa...

- You know it's what I got. - ...lovely.

- Thank you. - Love. Ooh! - [Lamont] As always.

- Oh oh, you know what? - Oh my goodness.

[Lamont] Oh oh.

[Cheryl] Maybe two. - [Lisa] That's perfect.

Okay, Lisa.

[Cheryl] Oh!

Hey!

What?

Mm.

Okay, zzzeh, aw!

[Audience laughter]

[Glass shatters]

Excuse me.

[Instrumental Music]

Lisa...

you were quite impressive.

Aw, thank you.

If you're interested, I would love if you'd come work as an

apprentice here under me at the bar.

Ooh.

I just became manager and I'm short staffed.

Yeah, don't you think that might be a little weird.

No, that was high school, Lisa. I'm married with 3 kids now.

Wow, look at us all grown and married with children.

Ah, the growing pains.

Yeah you know, family matters when you have a full house.

Oah, and I'm just over here livin' single.

[Lisa and Lamont] Cheers!

[Audience laughter]

You know, maybe I'll take you up on your offer.

- Mm? - Yeah.

In here.

[Instrumental Music]

Ah Vivian, what what the hell is all this?

Good morning, Tony.

This is the ConMoor Method.

It's all about purging yourself of anything that doesn't bring you

extreme bliss.

Have you been smokin' this extreme bliss?

[Audience laughter]

Ah wait, you did all this since this morning?

Oh no, of course not, Tony. I came in last night to get a head start.

Oh wow, Vivian.

I can't believe you'd come do all this on your own time.

On my own time?

Oh, no. No no no no no no.

Okay Vivian, if I start fallin' into a sunken place, you better get out.

[Audience laughter]

You'll see that time reflected on my timesheet.

And overtime is still paid at time and a half, right?

[Phone ringing]

Oh.

Stallworth Construction.

Oh, sure thing. Send your request by email

and we'll get right on it.

[Receiver hangs up]

- Who was that? - Oh I have no idea.

[Audience laughter]

You just said we'd get something right over to them, but you don't know who

them was?

Oh don't worry. We'll know who them was when they send an email.

Vivian that approach could mean that we loose business to someone else

more accommodating.

Well then we don't want to do business with those those types of people now do we?

If those are the type of people that pay then hell yes, we do!

Tony, you seem tense. Let me give you a back rub.

Oh hold on now, Beck with the good hair. I'm married.

[Audience laughter]

Well, me too.

Wait wait, wait a minute.

Where is that gum wrapper that I had on my keyboard?

In fact, where is my keyboard?

Where is all my stuff?!

All that stuff had to go, Tony.

I remember the ConMoor method. It's all about

clearing out old clutter.

Yeah well then, you'd be the next to go.

I'm sorry, Tony. Did you say something?

Yeah I said that contact on that wrapper

was very important to me.

Tony, if that contact really wants to do business with you,

he'll send an email.

If you'd send an email with your resignation later.

- What was that, Tony? - Hm? Nothing.

[Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

Pour me another one.

Are you sure?

I said what I said.

- Brandi? - Give me another one. - Yes, ma'am.

Brandi, is that you. It is you.

You okay?

Nooo!

[Audience laughter]

[Sobbing] It's happy hour and I'm far from happy.

- Mr. Stallworth got fired me again. - Aw, aw, I know.

I heard. I heard.

Consider that a blessin'.

- Um, listen... - Mm hm.

I love my job!

I mean I mean I'm a miss my desk.

that stapler, and the funny sound the

copier make when it print out the papers.

[Sobbing]

Ge ge ge ge geh,

and the filin'.

- I love filin'. I'm a filer. That's what I do. He fired me. - [Lisa] Oh, goodness.

Lisa, I hate to break up the party but--

It's you.

Excuse me, don't you see grown women talkin', little man.

I got a lot of people to serve.

You got this person to serve. Let me get another round.

You plan to pay for that one?

Just put it on my tab.

- What? - Rachel, okay. I am so sorry, Lamont.

My sister's mouth get's slicker when she drink liquor.

This is Brandi, okay.

She's my husband's new assistant.

- [Brandi] Hey. - Well she was, she was his assistant.

He he, he fired her.

- Really?! - You did get fired. I'm sorry about that.

That's not my problem.

Get her a Goober and get back to work.

- Oh no I was just you know, tryin' to-- - Just get...

...back to the work that I pay you for.

I'll pay you thousands to jump off a cliff.

Rachel.

- I just want you to pay your tab and hurry the hell up. - Ugh.

[Audience laughter]

Brandi you know, everybody makes mistakes, okay?

Like me ever datin' Lamont.

All you gotta do is just, just talk to Tony.

- Just talk to him. - You think so?

I don't know cause when he fired me he was so mad,

girl. He got pink.

- And he was so mad. [Catches breath] - Yeah.

Girl, he always look mad. He get mad when his potatoes

- ...touch is eggs. That's just his face. - Yeah.

Yeah, I gotta admit she's right,

you know?

He's a Libra. Just...go get your job back, girl.

Go get it back~

I'm a go get my job back.

Okay.

That's my job!

Ain't nobody gonna do that like me.

- That's your job but um... - [Brandi sighs]...Right.

This hair and this face, we need to work on that first, okay.

Cause you look a tragic mess.

I mean I heard a workin' day and night, but you don't got to look like it.

[Audience laughter]

She don't know I'm still on probation do she?

Ain't nobody scared a you.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Tony, why are you sitting in the dark?

I feel like I'm jinxed.

Which one of your warlock sisters put a hex on me?

This is about Vivian, huh?

No. It's about Brandi.

I wanna hire her back. Vivian...

she ain't workin' out.

Uh oh, she started in with all that

Feng Shui and chantin' and what not, huh?

That woman is nuttier than a bag of sunflower seeds.

Well I saw Brandi at the bar and the poor thing looked homeless.

I'm sure she'd gladly take her job back.

Ah, nah. Ah no way.

That woman almost cost me the biggest account of my career.

Luckily Mr. Sajkoski hates the new contractor so

He gave me another shot.

Oh see? No harm no foul.

I'm just sayin' Tony, good help is hard to find nowadays.

Oh speaking of, the bar isn't gonna work out for me.

Why? What happened?

Tell me what happened, woman. Spit it out.

- Who I gotta kill? - It's nothin' Tony, okay.

Lamont is trippin, you know. He said I gave out too many drinks

and it's just not gonna work out. And then

ugh it's nothing, just not gonna work out.

So we gonna act like it ain't had nothin' to do with the fact that Lamont is your ex?

Mm hm.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

[Meditative Music playing]

[Loud banging]

Ow!

Mis--Mr. Stallworth!

Mr. Stallworth, are you lookin' for somethin'?

No. I'm just tryin' to turn off this noise.

Isn't that noise supposed to be soothing?

Do I look soothed?

No! You don't.

[Music stops]

Oh, God. Thank you.

Listen ah...we should talk.

Okay, you right.

- [Tony] You go first! - [Brandi] Let me go first!

Okay, Mr. Stallworth...

I was just wantin' to apologize.

I know it was my fault that we lost the account and

honestly I don't know how,

but I promise you, I would do everything in my power to fix it.

Actually, we didn't loose the account.

So you fired me for no reason!?

You cold, Mr. Stallworth.

Oh no no no no no, you deserved it.

Look, this is a business, and when you come in here, you have to be on

- your-- - Your A-game. I get it.

But if you just give me another chance, please.

Okay, listen. Listen.

You really stepped up since Melinda's been gone, and I appreciate that.

So I tell ya what,

You help me get this place lookin' back to normal and

promise to give your Funstagram a rest,

you can have your job back.

Come here, freakin' here. Thank you, Mr. Stallworth!

My probation officer said I had 2 days to find another job.

Ooh ah and listen,

jut know if I would've won that contest,

- ...I woulda took you to the game. - [Tony laughs]

That's sweet, but nobody wins those contests.

[Rummaging]

Oh my goodness.

So um...

What is goin' on in here?

My sister-in-law. That's what's going on.

Oh. The a drunk one?

The gay one?

Or the white one?

The white one.

[Audience laughter]

Wait...this is creepy as hell.

It is. Just get rid of it.

Alright, cause this look like me with my wig off.

[Audience laughter] [Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

[Lisa humming]

[Lisa laughing]

Close your eyes, honey. I wanna play a game.

Okay last time we played a game, 9 months later Ebony was born.

[Audience laughter]

Now does this game involve clothes?

It does for now.

I wanna see if you can guess which flavor each of these drinks are,

but you have to close your eyes.

Alright, alright, okay. Ah you

know whiskey gets me frisky.

- And gin makes me sin!

- So go ahead. - [Tony laughs]

- Taste 'em. - Alright, alright, well what

do I get if...

I win the prize?

[Tony] Oooh!

[Audience laughter]

[Clapping]

[Instrumental Music]