Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

Good morning, sunshine.

Bigfoot.

- Hey, Laurie. -Oh...oh look the a...

groundhogs are out early this year.

[Audience laughter]

- Lisa, what is she doing here? - Yes.

We're goin' to work out.

Oah, I didn't know they made work out clothes for Rottweilers. [Barks]

I didn't know they made work clothes for cavemen.

I bet I do look like a caveman to a old dinosaur.

Whatever, Jurassic pork belly.

Take it easy.

Where you guys goin'?

Ah we're gonna hike, up at Bunyon Canyon.

Only you would hike in high heels. That's why your feet look like the Rocky Mountains.

[Audience laughter]

I wish somebody would put a Rocky Mountain in your big mouth.

Okay, that's enough. Seriously eh

let's let's stop. You should actually go with us one day, Tony.

Yes! Tony, health is wealth.

No matter what, you've gotta work out.

Cause you gonna end up in the doctor one day.

Look, I ain't goin' nowhere near anybody's doctor.

Yeah, Tony's afraid of doctors.

- Oah. - I'm not afraid of doctors.

I'm just I I don't trust anybody in white coats:

doctors, dentists, or Klansman.

[Audience laughter]

That is so crazy.

No, I'm serious. Last time I went to the doctor,

he told me that joggin' would add years to my life.

Well what's wrong with that?

He was right. After I did it, I felt like Morgan Freeman.

[Audience laughter]

[Theme Music]

* Woke up and my wife said to me *

* The bill collectors want their fees *

* The kids keep talkin' back to me *

* Family Time

* Family Time. Family Time

* Family Time. Waa aah woa oah oah oah yeah *

[Instrumental Music]

Waz up, y'all?

Ah apparently, not knockin' on the door and waitin' for an answer.

[Laughter]

This is Miranda.

She and I just started dating.

Hello, everyone.

- Hey. - Yeah, we're about to go to lunch,

but I just wanted her to meet you guys.

Hi, Miranda. I'm Lisa.

- This is our sister, Lori. - Hi.

[Audience laughter]

- Sorry. - We would invite you guys to lunch but you know,

Lori eat like Tony...

and we ain't tryin' to be there all day.

- [Lisa laughs] Plus, we don't really get to spend

a lot of time together as it is.

Oh why not? What do you do?

- Well I'm a vet and-- - Oh!...

you got an appointment at the pet clinic?

The military vet.

And since I came home I've been

looking into some different things, and trying to keep my options open.

Really, like what?

Well, I used to run track.

- Yeeh. - And I'm really really interested

in finding ways to give back.

So I was thinking about

maybe training some people in the wounded warrior program.

Yeah, my baby's athletic.

She can run faster than Lori's mustache hair grows.

[Audience laughter]

Lisa, can I use your bathroom?

Oh yeah, sure. It's right down the hall.

It's there.

[Lisa squeals]

Mm hm. I see you lookin' back there.

I got your back.

- So, whada ya think? - Well, she's nicer than the

cockeyed one you usually bring around.

She can kick it.

I really like her.

I don't know cause sometimes she seems kinda distant and secretive like

you know, I think she might be seeing someone else.

Oh, no! Not already.

Girl, you musta let her see you without your makeup on.

I know you are not talkin', Tar-agic P. Henson.

Look a here. You done found yourself a G.I.

No! And I know a no when I see a no cause

I've been cheated on many time before.

Hello!

Don't listen to her, okay. Stop jumpin' to conclusions.

Maybe she's just takin' her time gettin' to know you.

- [Lori screams] - [Rachel] I hope so.

- I hope so. - Hey Rachel, you ready to go? We're running a little late.

Ma'am.

[Audience laughter]

- Alright you two. I'll see you later. - Nice to meet you.

Nice meeting you too, Miranda.

Look at her! Look at her.

Hey.

[Instrumental Music]

- Oh, hey Mr. Stallworth. - Yeah yeah yeah.

[Audience laughter]

What is wrong witchu?

I got a headache in my mouth.

I don't know why you just won't go to the dentist.

Because I don't do dentists.

I guess I ain't mad at that. You know my cousin went to the dentist one time,

and walked outa there with 3 teeth.

[Audience laughter]

One in his mouth and two in his pocket.

- Really? - Yeah. And then he sneezed and bit a hole in his chest.

Oah no.

See that's exactly why I don't go.

Have me walkin' around lookin' like Iron Man.

Okay so, what do you want to do today?

Let's go over the notes for the presentation comin' up.

Okay, Mr. Stallworth.

- You know if we land this deal for this new strip mall, - Mm hm.

could be a very big bonus in it for the company.

Do I get a piece of this, Mr. Stallworth?

Please. I'm still tryin' to piece together how you work for me.

- Let me see. - Me...honestly, I'm not gonna lie.

I don't know how you do this.

- Do what? - Ah this, I mean public speakin'.

Speakin'....to anybody really.

I get real nervous. I get the shakes.

I just never could get over that fear.

Well you know what? You should just do what I do.

What is that a you picture a room full of naked people?

- I knew you was nasty, Mr. Stallworth. - No no no. Hell, hell no.

No, this is what I do.

- I just make sure that I'm thoroughly prepared. - Okay.

I take a couple of deep breaths so that I'm relaxed.

And then I just focus on a friendly face or

just imagine it's a room full of my friends.

[Audience laughter]

You mean to tell me you think about a whole bunch of Donnie's

in the room?

Do you know that that is dumb times 10?

That is so stupid.

Ah.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Here you go, Mr. Stallworth.

Mm mm. Thank you.

Alrighty.

Yeah. Mm. Mm. Oh!

- What? What? - What is in this salad?

Tomatoes, chicken, eggs.

And a bunch a other tooth-breakin' stuff.

- What do you mean? - What are these, granite croutons?

Oh, I remember. There's almonds in here.

- I thought I ordered the Cobb salad. - You did but remember...

they was all out so I had to order you the Chinese chicken salad.

Okay okay, a this is just too much for me.

I'm I'm gonna home. Relax. You a just just lock up.

This is good. Wait.

Oh, Mr. Stallworth.

Hm?

- If you do go to the dentist, remember to be nice to him, - Mm hm.

because the dentist got feelins too.

[Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

[Audience laughter]

[Moaning]

Tony, you alright?

[Sighs] Lisa, I am in so much pain. I think I broke my tooth.

Yeah hah ha!

Do you want me to set you up a dentist appointment?

I ain't goin' to no damn dentist, Lisa.

You and Brandi keep sayin' that.

Look I have an assistant, and I have a wife. I don't need another mama.

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna grab you an ice

pack and I'm also gonna let that go because I know you're in pain.

You gonna have to figure that out on your own.

[Tony moans]

[Audience laughter]

You know,

if you really want that pain to go away...

all you've gotta do is bite down on the grenade and pull the pin

Pkhew!

Perfectly solved.

I would ask Lisa to kick you in the mouth, but I don't want it to improve your looks.

Whateva, Michelin Man.

- Shut up, Barracuda mouth. - Why the Barracuda mouth? - Tony!

- You do. Ratchet as hell. - I got a wider mouth, but it ain't a Barracuda's.

- Stop it. - He told me to come over here.

- [Lisa] Cut it out. - Nah, they ain't nobody want you over here.

Let me look up some natural remedies. See what they're talkin' about.

Oh, try gargling with some warm salt water.

- Hmm. - Aspirin.

You know what? I'm a call my mama cause she knows some real good home remedy.

- I'm a write these down. - Hm.

Okay, all you need is some Indian gooseberry,

nutmeg, and a licorice stick.

Bubble bubble, for your trouble.

You sound like a magic potion.

Look, I am tryin' to cure a toothache not catch a man, you old witch.

I'm just tryin' to help you out.

Alright alright. You right.

I'm just in so much pain and I'm um I'm irritable.

Okay I'm gonna go home and make up a little something to help you with you pain,

and I'll give it to Lisa.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Lisa, let's go.

Ah, so here is a list

of remedies. Are you gonna be okay, Tony?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm goin' to dinner with Lori. I can bring you some dinner back.

Alright alright alright alright. I'm good. I'm good. Go on. Go on. I'm grown, girl.

- Okay, you grown. - Go on.

Grown-ass man.

Do what grown men do.

[Audience laughter]

Mama! My tooth.

[Instrumental Music]

[Shoes clacking]

[Audience laughter]

- Girl, you will never guess what? - What?

Okay, the bartender's fine. Yes. I know. You told me.

Wait, I didn't see him.

[Laughter] You crazy.

But that's not what I'm talkin' about. I think I saw um

that girl Miranda. Rachel's new girlfriend.

All hugged up in the bathroom with some chick.

- Really? - Really.

Oah. Oah.

Maybe maybe maybe it was an innocent hug.

A innocent hug in a bathroom stall?

Honey I know a cheater when I see a cheater.

Honey, I been cheated on more than USC admissions.

[Laughter] Yeah, you right. I don't know.

I I think you're overreacting though. I really do.

You know what? I'm goin' in there.

And I'm a give her a piece of my mind.

No no no. Lori, you are gonna cause a scene. Don't do that.

What? Please! I'm just gonna go in there, slap her around,

pull her hair, maybe curse her out. It's not like I'm gonna set her shoes on fire.

Okay, you know what we gonna do? We gonna tell Rachel

and we're gonna let her handle it.

I don't know.

Rachel might set her shoes on fire.

[Instrumental Music]

Hey, Mr. Stallworth.

[Moaning]

Good morning. Good morning.

Ow ow ow ow!

I don't know why you just won't go to the dentist instead of sittin' there in all that pain?

All that ow-owin', you sound like a old-ass James Brown record.

[Audience laughter]

Yeah well firin' you would be my big payback.

And I told you I don't do dentists.

I just need to concentrate on this presentation comin' up.

- Okay. - You know, the one that you're supposed to be helpin' me with?

Okay, I said I got you.

So come on. What do you need help with?

Just bring me the questions and read 'em off.

Okay, cool.

Alrighty. Alright, let's see.

Here we go.

How can Stallworth Construction improve the quality of the environment?

I'm glad you asked.

- We would start... - Mm hm.

by managing and designing the open spaces around us

in cities, countrysides and towns.

And um...we also recycle.

Okay. I see you Mr. Stallworth!

You ain't playin' no game.

Okay, next question. Now this question is straight from the paper.

When exactly do you plan to increase your

employee's paid vacations?

[Audience laughter]

The same day I go to the dentist, never!

- Next question. Next question. Come on. - Fine. Okay.

What assurances does Stallworth Construction

offer it's clients?

Well we can ensure that the A/C power

- ...and heating are ow! Aah. - Mm hm.

Ow? Um that's not that's not in the script.

No, my tooth is hurting. It's alright. Let's just press on. Come on.

I don't know about this, Mr. Stallworth.

Do you wanna give the presentation?

Okay, oh no. No no no no.

See I don't deal with nothin' that got the name public in it.

I don't do public transportation.

I don't do public displays of affection.

And I definitely don't do public restrooms.

Okay, whatever! Whatever, baby. Would you just read the next question please?

Okay, okay. What sets Stallworth Construction apart from other builders?

- Hm. Um well here at Stallworth Construction, we ensure... - Mm hm.

that project designs work in tandem

through proper analysis.

- Give me some! - You like that?

That's my boss! That's my boss.

- That's what I'm talkin' about. You got this. - You got that right.

Yeah.

- Wait. - Huh?

- Except you, you got a little piece of slob right there. - Huh. Oh, right.

Yeah, I've got it. You know what? Here I

I think that's enough for today. We're good.

Okay just a make sure you're here tomorrow

- Okay. - ...at noon. Please don't be late.

Alright, the thank you.

- Say it, don't spray it. Thank you. - Alright.

[Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

I don't know, Lori. Maybe we just shouldn't say anything.

Nonsense!

Lisa, Rachel is our baby sister.

It is our civic duty to chop the head off a every

little snake-eyes cheater out there!

I'm talkin' to you, La Fonz!

Yeah, you know I am. Can't rattle

without your head can ya?

I've got you!

- Didn't think I could do it did ya? Didn't think I could... - Oh, okay.

- rip the head off, did you? - Okay,

- Didn't think I would - Lori Lori Lori.

- chop that head off. - Lori, come back!

Lori come back!

- Alright. I'm good. I'm good. - Are we good?

Okay, alright.

- We need you here. You alright? - [Sighs] I'm sorry.

I think I'm still sufferin' from that a PTMD.

You mean PTSD?

No.

Post Traumatic Men Disorder.

- I need a therapist. - You need Jesus!

Okay but that's neither here nor there.

What are we gonna do about Rachel?

How are we gonna tell her that we saw Miranda cheating?

Simple. There's only one way to do it.

We just gotta be blunt and honest.

[Knocking] Oh well, okay. Here goes nothin'.

Aah.

Mm mm mm mm.

[Door opens]

- Hey. - Hey y'all, what's up?

Oh a nothin'. Just sittin' here listentin' to Lori's

crazy psycho love stories.

[Audience laughter]

Girl, I know all about those.

cause Lori's got worse luck with men than Westbrook in the finals.

[Audience laughter]

Any hoo...we was talkin' bout you.

Right, Lisa?

- We were, yes. Okay so Rachel, you're our sister. - Uh huh.

We love you we want to look out for you

- and so-- - And that's why I wanted to thank you...

so much for showin' me how...

stupid I was actin'.

Wait, what are you talkin' about?

I shoulda never assumed Miranda was cheatin' on me I mean we literally like

just started dating so it was unfair for me to bring my

old insecurities into a new situation.

Yeah but Rachel um

And that's why Miranda's on her way over here right now

so we can talk about it cause I feel a lot better with my sisters

by my side supporting me.

Me and Lisa saw Miranda hugged up at the bar with some hoochie.

What!?

Lori!

What? I told you to be blunt. Just tell it like it is.

I'm' about to best the stars and stripes off her ass.

Oh, come on Rachel, calm down.

Seriously. We don't know if she was really cheating.

Come on, Lisa.

We saw old girl put her hand on old girl's shoulder and

everybody knows that is the universal sign of we go together.

No it's not. Stop. Stop instigating.

Okay and Rachel, you know, do what you said. Just be open and honest with Miranda.

[Knocking]

- [Lori] Ooh ooh. - [Lisa] Ooh, she's here.

Alright, let's see. See what she has to say for herself.

Hey, everyone.

Hey, Rachel.

Miranda, look.

Look, wait. Let me go first.

I've been going through a lot of ups and downs and

having some doubt.

Oh heeh-heeh-heh heh, hell, no!

You are not about to break up with my baby sister!

Not when we just saw you all hugged up at the bar with some tramp.

Now tell us who she was.

You ain't gotta lie, Miranda. You ain't gotta lie!

Oh, wow.

That's actually why I'm here dressed like this.

That woman...

was my mentor and former sergeant.

She gave me the encouragement to reenlist in the army.

Okay, a we're just gonna give you two a moment.

You believe that?

- She coulda got that outfit from the Salvation Army. - Lori...

mind your business.

[Audience laughter]

Why didn't you just tell me that you were thinkin' about reenlisting?

Well...my job in the military is very

classified,

and I can't really talk about it.

Wow.

Okay, I understand that.

I still wanted to come by and see you one last time before I deployed.

I'm leaving at 2300 hours.

I wish...

I wish I had more time to get to know you better.

I really like you.

And we may be...

pick up things from where we left off when I get back?

Well, I'm a cutie with a bootie so I can't really promise that.

[Audience laughter]

But, my phone number will be the same when you get back.

Roger that.

[Instrumental Music]

Hey, babe. Your tooth feelin' any better?

No, not at all.

About as good as Kanye givin' a speech at a Black Lives Matter rally.

[Audience laughter]

Well Lori brought this all natural tooth pain reliever for you.

Mm, that's cool. Tell Elvira I said thanks.

Oh enough, Tony.

Now only take a teaspoon. She says this stuff is strong, causes drowsiness.

- Alright, alright. - Alright.

Thank you, baby.

Welcome.

Take one teaspoon every 8 hours. Alright.

Huh, it's not bad.

Okay, that's not workin' fast enough.

Let's see.

You know what? I should probably take more. I'm bigger than Lori.

[Audience laughter]

Ah, there we go.

I'm feelin' better already.

Alright.

So let's see here.

[Audience laughter]

Alright.

That's where I'm at.

[Yawning] Ah, no.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Um, good morning everyone and

thank you all for coming. Um,

you can help yourself to some refreshments and coffee over there.

And um Mr. Stallworth will be here shortly.

You two can go over there.

[Audience laughter]

Hey a, please answer the phone, Mr. Stallworth.

Just...

[Phone vibrating]

Oh his mustache tickles.

Alright um...

Ma'am, eh it's 12:30 and we have another meeting to get to so if

Mr. Stallworth is a no-show, we're just gonna be on our way.

No no no no, just wait.

Okay. Mr. Stallworth has instructed me to run point on this

presentation.

Um...just let me get my files.

Yeah.

Um...

[Audience laughter]

[Inner monologue] Okay now, what did Mr. Stallworth say?

Ah ooh, just picture everyone naked.

[Audience laughter]

That might not be bad. The one in the middle look like he got the money.

And a 401K.

No no no no no no. Think, Brandi. Think!

Ooh, I've got it!

Few.

Look...

here at Stallworth Construction,

our main focus is improving the quality of the environment.

[Audience laughter]

Oh hoa!

Oh no. Ooh.

And basically, that's just the way it is.

Wow, wow. Brandi, that was great.

We will definitely be in touch with you and Mr. Stallworth next week

about moving forward.

Thank you so much. It has been an honor.

- Thank you. - Thank you!

See you guys soon.

Beautiful. She's so beautiful.

Thank you, guys.

Yes!

Ooh I knew you had my back.

Wha hoo!

[Instrumental Music]

Whooa...thank you, Jesus!

- What? - Hew!

Where is everybody? I gotta give my presentation.

Calm down. Calm down.

I already gave it.

Wait...you did?

Oh yes I did.

And not only that. The investors loved it.

They even said they would be in touch

about moving forward with the project.

[Chuckling] Girl, I am proud a you.

- Me too. - And look at you, facin' your fears and what not.

- Look at me! - Alright.

It turns out you were a good hire after all.

[Audience laughter]

Thank you, Mr. Stallworth. I mean...anything for the company, really.

And speakin' of..

If this deal goes through, the company may have a few extra

vacation hours in it for ya.

- For real? - For real.

- You serious? Aaaah! - I'm serious.

- Ah itah hitah huh huh huh! - Okay.

Okay. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright.

This ain't ratchet TV after dark. Calm down. Calm down.

- Okay I just was a little happy. - I get it. I get it. I get...

look but in all seriousness, since we facin' our fears around here,

I think I'm ready to make that dentist appointment.

Mm mm mm mm.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. You know what?

- Hm? - I am so glad you're doin' that because...

your breath was startin' to smell like day-old cabbage

[Audience laughter]

that's probably your weave smellin' like wet floor rugs.

[Instrumental Music]