All language subtitles for Family.Time.S07E03.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

[Instrumental Music]

Wasn't it hilarious though when
Lupita Digongo burnt that ladies
edges off with the hot comb?

No, that was terrifyin'. I don't
ever want to see another scary
movie again.

Yeah I gotta agree with Devin,
Tony. Wewas creepy.

I mean two evil sisters runnin'
around your own house tryin' to

kill you isn't scary to you,
Dad?

Hell nah, I deal with that on a
daily basis with Lori and
Rachel.

Had to set up some wig traps.

Caught me a wine silkie an a
Persian perm the other day.

[Laughter]

I don't think I'm gonna be able
to sleep in my own bed tonight
to be honest.

Aw, that's okay, baby. You can
sleep in Mommy's bed tonight.

Hell no his big-ass can't. We
better lights some candles and
say some prayers or somethin'.

The boy trippin'.

Okay, why is my key not workin'?

Did you change the locks again
to keep out Donnie and them
parasites?

No! Maybe you're doin' it wrong.

- Okay.
- It wouldn't be the first time.

[Laughter]

Ah, no. What? Must be busted or
somethin'.

Do you need Devin to climb
through his bedroom window that
he uses

at night to sneak out?

[Devin chuckles] Or, we could
use your ginormous head to bust

through the door.

Okay, okay, knock it off.'

I'll just go around and see if
the a kitchen door is open. And
if not,

we can always call Lori to come
through and chew through the
locks.

[Theme Music]

á* Woke up and my wife said
to meá*

á* The bill collectors want
their feesá*

á* The kids keep talkin' back
to meá*

á* Family timá*

á* Family time. Family timeá*

á* Family Time. Waa aah woa oah
oah oah yeah á*

[Instrumental Music]

Oh Lisa, good. You got in.

Girl, open this doah. A brotha
gotta handle some bidness.

Buttery popcorn gave me the
bubble guts.

[Audience laughter]

Lisa!

Lih,

This girl is trippin', and how
did you change clothes so fast?

Hey, open the doah.

Come on. Come on, emergency
here. Number two.

That doo doo. [Snaps fingers]

Open the doah. Twist the knob. I
know it's hard but

take the mitts off, open the
doah, twist the

just like alright, oh we playin'
games now?

Okay, alright. A brotha can't
get no respect,

pay all the bills and get no
respect.

Ooh, can't stand this.

Mom, I only snuck out once. I
promise.

What the hell, Lisa. Why ain't
you let me in?

Tony, what are you talkin'
about?

Come on. You you know I was
tryin' to get up in that
kitchen.

Mm,

you kitchen is lookin' a little
nappy.

You should use one of the hot
combs from the movie.

How about I use a belt from one
of them old Westerns.

[Audience laughter]

Now this is just great. I'm
missin' my show, The Real Baby
Mamas of Baldwin Hills.

All I wanna know is, how did you
get out here so fast when I just
saw you in the kitchen?

What?

You know what I'm talkin' about,
and what's with all the wardrobe
changes?

Wardrobe changes? Tony, I was
never in the kitchen.

Wait, you know what that movie,
that movie I think is startin'
to mess with your head.

Yeah, Dad. I told you the movie
was pretty scary.

Look, ain't nobody scared of no
damn movie. I'm just tryin' to
get in this bathroom, alright.

I got the bubble guts.

[Door creaks open]

Mom...

what's goin' on?

And what's that [sniffs] smell?

Let's just say I ain't got the
bubble guts no mo.

[Computerized voice] Welcome
home, Stallworths.

Please enter!

Come on, baby. I got your back.

- I'm right behind you.
- Tony!

[Audience laughter]

[Laughter escalates]

Ah Mom, when did you change the
picture?

- Oh my goodness, I didn't.
Tony, call the cops.
- Mmm.

[Creepy Music]

[Computerized Lisa] Tether
yourselves to the couch.

What the hell are you people
doin' in my house?

Sit your asses down.

Yes, ma'am.

[Audience laughter]

Let me tell you a story about a
lonely housewife

She had dreams, but her husband
never listened.

So much power on the inside. So
much

weakness on the out.

Until the inside conquered the
outside and she became

perfect.

Who the hell are you talkin'
about?

You, trick.

- Oh, I'm a show you a trick and
make you disapp--
- Babe, wait.

Baby, baby, a listen. Now

how did you people get in my
house?

[Guttural sound]

He doesn't talk much.

Why do they look so much like
us?

Oh are you kiddin' me? With that
tacky outfit on she does not
look nothin' like me.

[Whipping sound]
[Scream]

Okay just tell us what y'all
want.

We want to teach you a lesson
about family time.

Please join us for dinner.

You know actually I'm not that
hungry, and I should go change
my draws anyway.

Draws, you will not change. Join
us!

[Buzzer sounds]
Oh, I'm out.

Oah.

[Sniffing]

Go change your draws first.

Yeah if I could. Excuse me.

[Suspenseful Music]

- [Tony] Mm.
- [Lisa] Mm hm.

How does it taste?

It's actually not that bad.

I know. I put my foot in it.

After it was perfectly
sterilized, of course.

[Audience laughter]

Anyone else feeling sleepy?

Yeah.

Yeah, what what else did you
guys put in this?

The Itis.

What?

Black-eyed peas seasoned to
perfection.

Chicken fried to the perfect
crisp.

And a whole pan of macaroni and
cheese with

perfectly burned corners so
sharp they could cut you.

[Audience laughter]

[Guttural sound]

[Audience laughter]

Who are you people?

We're y'all.

[Audience laughter]

I don't know about them, but I
built up an immunity to the
Itis.

[Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

[Doorbell rings]

Ah he he hey, what's up, Lisa?
Um...

why you dressin' all white? You
and Tony about to play doctor
again?

These re the garments for the
Crossover.

The shadows will soon be in
control, Donnie.

Why you sound like Macy Gray
after a shot of dark liquor?

Would you like a bite to eat?

Ah he hell, yeah. Whe hey, wait.
Where, where's Tony?

[Instrumental Music]

[Snoring]

[Instrumental Music]

Mmm.

Mmm.

[Moaning contently]

Oh there you go, Tone. Lisa did
her thing tonight with her
chicken, man.

Yeah. You been takin' cookin'
classes, girl?

Cause you killed this.

You're right. I did kill it.

The chicken ran around headless
for 30 seconds after I

slashed it's throat.

[Audience gasps]
slashed it's throat.

[Audience gasps]

The blood was warm and tasty.

Uh Tone, you wanna get her

throat checked out, man? She
sound like Doc Rivers after a
post-game interview.

[Audience laughter]

Speakin' of basketball, man.
Hey, you gonna watch the game
that you recorded?

What is this game you speak of?

You know the one that came out
the same time as y'all wanna go

see that creepy-ass movie.

What creepy-ass movie?

The one with Napita N'gongo,

where she crawled up out the
sewer but her skin still look
flawless.

I heard they got 100% on Spoiled
Potatoes.

I have yet to experience it.

Well I can't blame you cause
Donnie and scary movies don't
mix.

Last time I saw a scary movie I
was more nervous than a surgeon
with Parkinson's.

[Audience laughter]

Anyway, wanna watch the game?

What is this game you speak of?

[Sighs] The basketball game,
man.

I do not watch games anymore,

- [Donnie sighs]
- ...not since the Crossover.

Listen man, I know little
D-Lil's crossover was a dagger,

but you can't tell me you
weren't impressed when he put
that guy up on the poster.

We are the new poster of
perfection.

Tony is too busy building a
better life for his family

to partake in watching this

so-called game.

[Audience laughter]

You should take notes, Donald,

and do the same.

Would you stop callin' me
Donald, man.

Alright, I ain't about to have
no kids with one of these crazy
broads out here.

I mean, the only way I'd even
consider havin' a baby is if
Lisa was the surrogate.

[Chuckles] You know? I don't
know if that's somethin' that
you were--

[Audience laughter]

That's something Tony should've
done a long time ago.

[Instrumental Music]

[Loud grunt]

- [Devin Gasps]
- [Tony] What the? Donnie?

Ah, where am I, man?

Am I in heaven?

Ah Tony's here. I must be in
hell.

If I wasn't still drowsy from it
Itis, I'd knock you the hell
out.

You already knocked me the hell
out in the kitchen, remember?

Least you could do is untie me.

That wasn't me, Donnie.

Wait, they got you too, uncle
Donnie?

They, who's they?

He means y'all.

I thought it was we.

It's whoever those invaders are
that look just like us.

Apparently they're our alter
egos who have manifested
themselves

into our actual lives

after we saw that scary movie.

What? I read the reviews.

Besides, we're not the only
family this is happening to.

#creepyassfamily's trending on
Twitter.

Well how are people getting rid
of 'em?

Let me check.

Okay, okay. It says here that we
have to come to terms with

[Sighs] my phone died.

Ebony, you got yours?

No. It got taken when I got
grounded, remember?

Hm, sounds like a personal
problem.

No. A personal problem is that
itchy rash that you won't tell
mom and dad about.

Okay, like that? Ah ho, don't
have me tell 'em about page

28 in your diary, A Night to
Remember.

Stop. Stop. Arguing is not gonna
solve this problem.

You know what? We should try to
call for help.

Aow, dang it. They locked us dow
here.

Oah nah Tone, I'm
claustrophobic, man.

First, we gonna run out oxygen
down here and I'll be

forced to have to eat Devin
cause we ain't got no food.

And then once you die I'll have
no other choice but to have to
marry Lisa.

Only thing that's gonna get
married is my fist to your face,

okay?

[Audience laughter]

We have to figure out how to get
outa here.

But who can help us?

Lisa! Hello, Lisa. Oh.

Who are you?

What do you mean?

Honey who are you without your
french tips? No no no.

We need to schedule a mani/pedi
right now. Come with me.

Cheryl!

[Instrumental Music]

Okay Stallworths, I am loving
this all white.

Okay, who got married? Why
didn't you ask me to play in the
wedding?

The wardrobe choice of my family
should not be your concern.

Ooh, it absolutely concerns me.

As does your voice. You sound
like DMX in a barking
competition.

[Barks]

Aren't you hungry?

You know actually I'm good.
Although Lisa,

this looks divine. Well done.

Eat it.

[Groaning]

Oh...there's no call to be rude.

Devin, I'll just have a little
bite.

Um...

you know what? Actually, I'm
just gonna get back to the
reason that I came.

I was wondering if you guys have
any idea why the key to my house
doesn't work?

Why would we know about that?

Ooh I don't know. I was just
looking for some help so

I went to this movie with this
guy named Javier. Well

okay so not the Javier from yoga
class, okay.

Javier with the sharpest abs

that God could ever sculpt.

Get to the point.

Okay. Well, basically I was
stood up.

But I still went to see the
movie Weanyway. Oh my gosh it
is so scary.

Okay, Dapita D'gongo needs a
breath mint and a hot shower but
she should

still win that Oscar.

Your head's gonna make a great
trophy on my wall.

That is the scariest line from
the movie. You didn't tell me
you saw it too.

Do you remember the part where
they try and burn the lady's
neck with a hot comb?

- Uah.
- Would you like your edges to
be laid?

No. Lih Lisa, no. I did a
Brazilian blowout.

It is no heat.

Eat your food!

[Cheryl's inner thoughts]
Now wait just a damn minute.

Cheryl, don't curse at yourself.
It isn't proper head language.

Now back to what I'm saying.
Huh!

The all white. The perfect
looking mac and cheese, the hot
comb,

Lisa's gorgeously laid edges.
There is only one logical
explanation.

The Stallworth shadows have
taken over the house and locked
the real Stallworths

in the man cave, only to steal
their souls during the
Crossover.

[Outward yelp]
It's just like Gordon Neele's
movie.

I have to do something to save
them.

I can't eat the this. I'm on a
diet.

Key Keto diet, so none of this
works.

And also I have a key under my
mat so I'm just gonna

you use that. Toodles.

[Audience laughter]

Oh my goodness! There's...

a large hood rat outside.

Fih, it's so...you should look
at this. It's huge.

It's a veh, it's so big.

Sooo ah!

Okay!

[Audience applause]
Cheryl beat the shadows. Cheryl
beat the shadows.

[Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

Huh, I should save the day more
often. It feels good.

You know maybe I'll be a
vigilante on the weekends. Marry
Batman.

And Joker would be my sidepiece.

[Tony] Ah Cheryl?

Oh right, the real Stallworths.
I'm coming!

[Cheryl] Oh, oh my.

[Cheryl and Tony gasp]

- [Cheryl] Hey.
- [Donnie grunting]

Hah, air, oxygen. Ooh, and
perfect Lisa's chicken.

Donnie, you eat that and you
die.

You just mad cause this chicken
got better legs and thighs than
you do.

[Audience aw's]

Uh, oh my God. They're gonna
break down the door with a hot
comb.

Like hell they are. Those are
the strongest bulletproof doors
on the market.

Cheryl, how did you manage to
get them trapped outside?

Oh it was easy. I just used my
mind control powers.

[Cheryl] Heh, I mean I'm
kidding,

or am I?

You'll never know.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna go grab

my phone charger so I can figure
out how to get rid a dem for
good.

Up you know, anybody's seen the
movie knows how to get rid of
them. It's all about

unleashing your deepest, darkest
fear.

But what does that mean exactly,
Cheryl?

You got me more confused than
Ellen's boxers.

It means that whatever you're
afraid of, they're afraid of,

because they're basically just
your subconscious in physical
form.

Well I ain't never gettin' rid
of mine cause I ain't afraid of
nutin'.

Come on, Tony. Don't act like
you weren't afraid the time I
took that pregnancy test.

Touché...and then Ebony was
born.

Wow. Thanks, Dad.

Okay. What are you afraid of,
Ebony?

Um, I'm terrified of rats.

Okay. Okay, good.

So, all you have to do is
describe how you would feel if
the room were

full of rats, and then that fear
will transfer to the other Ebony

causing her to dissolve into
nothing.

That's not possible. We can't
make them dissolve.

Sure we can. We'll do it in
post.

Now, just have to make sure that
they are within eyesight.

Oh well that's easy, cause they
right over there.

[Suspenseful Music]

Where'd they go?

[Devin's voice echoes]
Mom, Dad, do you wanna come in
here for a minute?

Oaw, no.

- [Tony] He said mom first.
- [Lisa] Tone, Tony,...

- Just go.
- ...no, he didn't.

Lisa, I'm right here. I got
your back.

Devin. Don't you dare touch him!

See, this is what you get for
leavin' that window open that
you sneak out of.

You take one step closer,

and I'll burn his tongue

so he sounds like my son.

[Moaning]

Okay okay everybody, relax. Okay
just just

tell us what you want.

Ah, wants.

What a funny dream.

You see I am the perfect version

of Lisa Stallworth.

I take care of my family.

I pay my own bills with my own
business.

But most importantly, I know how
to satisfy

my man!

Da-ha-ham, perfect Lisa can get
it.

[Audience laughter]

Only thing I'm missing,

is a soul!

Uah, too bad you can't talk to
Aretha.

She's the Queen of Souls.

[Audience laughter]

If you let go of my brother,
I'll give you my soul.

Really, Ebony? You would do that
for me?

No, it was a joke, but I'll get
you out of this.

- How?
- Ah! A rat, a rat, a rat. Ah!

- [Devin] Where?
- It's right there. It has...

- ...yellow, big, sharp teeth.
Don't let it bite...
- [Squeal]

...you. You'll
get rabies!

Fear. Too much fear.

- Ah.
- No, no...

noooo-oooo!

What have you done?

- I killed that heffer.
- Ha, ha. That's right.

That's my baby, yes.
[Audience applause]

Silence!

Uh oh. Perfect Lisa got a
temper.

She must be a gemini.

You may have gotten my daughter,

but this isn't over.

How'd you make her dissolve like
that?

Think of the thing you're most
afraid of and then act like it's
really happening, Devin.

Okay um, ah ah

Dad, am I really going to the
military.

- What are you talkin' about
boy?
- Play along, Tony.

Oh oh oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pack
your bags.

You are gon' off to Wyoming so
that you can be yelled at by a
buff-ass

who don't give a damn about your
asthma problem.

[Sobbing]

Keep going, Dad. It's working.

Eh ah and you ain't comin' back
until you learn respect for your
elders,

and you can do 50 pull ups
without breakin' a sweat.

You hear me boy?

- Yes.
- Yes what, maggot?

Sir, yes sir.

[Groaning]

No! Mah my

baby!

He was dumb but he was my
favorite.

Okay. Two down, two to go,
Stallworths.

Yeah. Tony, what are you and
Lisa gonna do to get rid of
y'all's?

I think we both know the answer
to this.

Yep. Tony I don't know how to
say this but

it's just not workin' out.

Yeah. Even though we've been in
love since high school,

I found another woman.

And it's Cheryl.

[Laughter]

And I found another man.

It's Donnie.

I knew you would recognize my
skill.

Guess we have no other choice
but to get a divorce.

And I guess this is goodbye
forever.

[Groaning]

[Gasping]

- [Donnie] Yes!
- [Cheryl] Ah!
[Cheering]

[Applause and cheering]

- [Cheryl] Wow.
- Alright, man.

You know I really didn't know
that your biggest fear was
getting a divorce.

Mine's porphyrophobia, fear of
the color purple.

You're afraid of things that are
purple?

No, the movie.

It was traumatizing. To this day
I still can't refer to anyone as

Mister.

[Audience laughter]

Okay Cheryl, thank you for
saving the day and all, but you
gotta bounce.

Ugh well technically,

my key still doesn't work so
I'll be bouncing over to
Javier's

Not the one who stood me up.

Javier from yoga class.

Namaste.

You know what, now that I think
about it, you don't know
anything about that because

I was actually having that
conversation with shadow
Lisa's--

[In unison]
Bye, Cheryl.

[Audience laughter]

I'm just glad tonight is over.

Well not for you. Grab a broom.
Clean up all these a shadow
ashes.

Yes and Ebony, please throw away
that food. All of it.

[Clears throat] Ebony, hold
tight on all that throwin' away
now.

Nobody gonna about to be
throwin' away Perfect Lisa's

deliciously amazing leftover,
okay?

Ain't nobody's legs and thighs
better than Perfect Lisa's.

[Audience laughter]

Whoo, I'm glad this night is
over!

And I think we learned a lot
about each other.

I'm just glad that you're my
wife instead of Perfect Lisa.

Yes well I mean I gotta admit,
Perfect Tony was kinda fine.

But you are the perfect one for
me.

- Mm hm.
- Mm wah.

[Instrumental Music]

I had the craziest dream last
night.

Me too.

We were bein' hunted by people
that look just like us.

I had the exact same dream.

It felt so real.

I thought I was the only one. It
was like the people were like
our shadows or something.

They took over the house and
held Devin hostage.

Well in my dream, I was married
to Rihanna. We have

five tan little babies with
strange accents

and we lived in Barbados.

Okay, how is that a nightmare?

Because I came home to visit,

and there was this family that
looked just like us who hijacked
the house.

Okay that is crazy. We all had
similar dreams.

It's that movie's fault. I was
so scared, I couldn't sleep in
the room by myself.

So I let him sleep on my floor.

My first instinct was to jump in
the bed with y'all.

Yeah that instinct woulda got
you extinct.

I'm just glad it was all a
nightmare.

Yeah well just to be safe, I
want all hot combs outa here
immediately.

Yeah see now honey if you do
that, our edges are gonna be
lookin' scarier than that movie.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Uah Tone, man it is so good to
see you, brother.

- So I went to the store today,
right?
- Mm hm.

And when I got there, I ran into
this dude and he gave me the
deal of a lifetime,

and I wanna give that same deal
to you.

I got the hookup on these brand
new watches,

And I wanted to give it to you
as payback for me eatin' all the
food out your refrigerator.

Donnie if you don't get them
fake-ass watches out my house,

my fist in yo face gonna
hook up.

It's completely legit, Tone. I
promise, man.

Whatever you say, Donnie.

Oh, would you look at that?

Well unfortunately man, it's
gonna cost you $150,000.

How about 150,000 ass whoopin's?

Look man, you break it, you buy
it. I wish it didn't have

to be this way.

- [Donnie] Uh.
- [ Audience laughter]

You got some super glue?

[Instrumental Music]