All language subtitles for Family.Time.S07E02.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

[Instrumental Music]

Lori, I can't believe you talked
us into ordering from some
bougie-ass

Infinity and Beyond cafe.

Oh come on, Tony. This place has
a real buzz on the internet
goin' from bein' the

newest healthy restaurant in
town.

Yeah, they're supposed to be
light years ahead of the
competition.

There's nothin' wrong with
eatin' healthy every now and
then, Tony.

Ugh, smells like it was
marinated in armadillo urine.

Uah, how do you even know what
armadillo urine smells like?

I've been in the bathroom after
you.

You know what? I'm a need you
two to cut it out.

Let's just eat our dinner,
please.

Well it's this sea slug's fault
anyway for bringin' this food
over here, man.

I don't know whether to put salt
on it or salt on her.

Oh Tony, hurry up.

Throw the salt over your

- ...shoulder so you don't get
bad luck.
- The left one.

Knock it off with that bad luck
mumbo jumbo. I won the lottery,
remember?

Well it's a lucky thing you did
cause if you hadn't, my baby
sister

never woulda married your broke
ass.

Now Tony you can't tell me
you've never heard that spillin'
salt on the table is

bad luck. I mean it's just like
walkin' under a ladder.

Or, breakin' a mirror.

Now look, I walk under a ladder
everyday at work.

And Lori breaks mirrors every
time she looks at 'em.

How about I break your jaw?

Look I I just I don't believe in
any of that superstitious mumbo
jumbo.

Haven't you ever heard of the
old adage, step on a crack,

break yo mama back?

I remember the day our uncle
Junebug stepped on a crack.

And then grandma slipped down
the church steps

- ...and she, she broke her 3rd
vertebrae.
- You remember that?

- Yeah.
- [Tony] Man, y'all crazy.

Ooh man, I think I just bit a
chicken toe.

[Theme Music]

* Woke up and my wife said
to me *

* The bill collectors want
their fees *

* The kids keep talkin' back
to me *

* Family Time *

* Family Time. Family Time *

* Family Time. Waa aah woa oah
oah oah yeah *

[Instrumental Music]

Lisa have you seen that budget
proposal that I've been workin'
on all weekend?

I gotta make sure it's perfect
before I send it to these
clients

but I can't seem to find it.

Uh oh, Tony. You're gettin' old,
huh baby?

What's next? You're gonna be
forgettin' your birthday?

No, our anniversary.

Makin' fun of me don't seem so
fun now does it?

I'm just sayin' you know,
sometimes you're lookin' for

somethin' and it's been right
under your

nose the whole time.

[Tony laughs]

- Thank you, baby.
- Mm hm.

You're welcome.

I'm just so nervous about this
deal with the city council

because if it goes through, I
might be able to add

a room to this house.

Oh yeah, balance that
budget, baby.

- Go ahead, get some business.
- Yeah, I know that's right.

Better yet, I need to build a
wall around this house.

Good morning to you too, Donnie.

Donnie.

[Audience laughter]

Tone, you gotta stop with all
this black on black

violence, man.

Donnie, if you gonna come into
my house uninvited and steal my
food, at least say hi.

I'm sorry, man. It's just this
show that I've been binge
watchin' is

insane. It's got me hooked like
a white woman on yoga.

[Audience laughter]

What new show?

Oh it's called Declassified
America.

Oh gosh, Donnie. Don't tell me
you're into one of those

crazy conspiracy shows.

Some call it a conspiracy. I
call it the truth.

Did you know that that
government can tell your exact

location based off your IP
address?

Donnie, do you even know what a
IP address is?

Stick to the point, Tone.
Alright.

The point is, they're watchin'
us all right now, and just at
the right time,

they gonna strike.

Strike and do what, exactly?

[Audience laughter]

I'm still a few seasons behind,

a so I haven't really figured
that out, yet.

Have you figured out why your
brain still keeps givin' you the
silent treatment?

[Audience laughter]

Keep on jokin', Tone, but when
the man shows up to your house
with a

batterin' ram tryin' to do a
cavity search,

don't come cryin' to me. You
just can't stop it baby.

You know one day they'll come up
with an official name for that
undiagnosed condition a his.

[Doorbell rings]

You think?

[Laughing]

[Humming]

Greetings, goddess.

[Audience laughter]

Why you comin' up in here
dressed like Woodstock threw up
on you?

Hohm.

Aah.

Alright, I'm a let that ride.

- [Clears throat]
- Okay.

Alright little sister. Now you
know I

hardly ever ask you for
anything, right?

What kinda trouble you in, Lori?

Oh don't tell me your boss asked
you to come over after work
again

so y'all have coffee?

[Laughter] No no no no. Trust
me, that will never happen
again.

That man takes a few sips of
caffeine and he's as

chatty as a divorced Goober
driver.

Okay. So, what? What's up?

Okay, my condo has a slight

insect infestation, and my
exterminator said it's gonna
take a week to fix it

so I was wondering if I could
ask you just a widdle

simple little favor?

Hell, no.

Now who let this alligator out
the swamp?

Speakin' of simple but never
little,

Okay, Tony she hasn't even told
me what she needs yet.

She doesn't have to. Isn't it
obvious.

Erica Ba-don't needs a place to
stay because a termites have

colonized her condo.

For your information, Lionel
Fickey,

[Audience laughter]

my termite problem ain't that
bad!

Yeah, it can't be worse than
that outfit.

[Audience laughter]

Lisa, I'm gonna give you my
exterminator's card,

because it's obvious to me, you
got a big ole

possum in your house.

Okay yuck mouth,
back it up.

- [Tony] Yes, please.
- [Lori] Maybe skunk.
- [Lisa] Oh, oh, oh okay.

- Maybe skunk.
- Okay, alright.

- [Lori] I'm just sayin', I'm
just sayin',
- [Lisa] Okay, Lori.

- that's you not me,
baby.
- Lori, Lori, stop it.

Now, how is that a that
new diet comin' along?

Oh honey, I feel

absolutely reinvigorated.

Good. Then you'll have enough
energy to dig a hole under the
house, you groundhog.

Okay, Ebony is actually on her
senior trip so we

do we really do have a lot of
space.

- [Lori squeals] Oh my sister,
my sissy--
- [Omar] No!

- Ooh, slumber party.
- Yes. Tony, can you get my
sisters's bags upstairs?

- What?
- Yeah.

I am on the verge of the biggest
contract of my career and I'm
treated

like a bellhop in my own house.

What's got him so upset?

[Knocking]
Oh oh, honey.

[Sighs] I almost forgot to
tell you,

there's someone I'd like you to
meet.

Lori...

my little vitamin D-laced moon
and sunshine.

- [Laughter]
- Oah.

[Music sting]

[Instrumental Music]

Guys, I'd like to introduce you
to my sexy new

groovy man,

Herb.

Looks like he smokes a lot of
herb.

Ah I'm a Lisa, I'm Lori's
sister.

This is my husband, Tony.

Come on in. Come on in.

Smells like he was already in.

Smell that must BO from a mile
away,

and is he wearin' open toe
sandals?

- Stop it.
- It's winter!

[Laughter]

Can I offer you some water? Some
juice?

Some deodorant? [Clears throat]

Tony, don't make me hurt you in
front of my righteous new man.

No baby it's it's quite alright.

You see Tony here is just
ignorant...

I say the same thing.

...of the fact that we could be
so much healthier

if we just used natural flowers
to compliment

pungent odors that mother nature
has graced our bodies with.

Ooh baby you so amazin'. It's
just like you came

right outa my dreams!

Eh, I wish I could get you right
outa my nostrils.

Ah so what is it that you do,
Herb?

Girl, he sells all-natural
soaps.

He needs to get high on his own
supply.

Tony! Herb, where where do you
live?

I live everywhere.

By everywhere he actually means
he lives in this sexy bachelor
van with a water

bed and shag carpet, girl.

You know it it's been a pleasure
to meet you.

Dale, the funky Homo sapien,

but a like most normal people, I
have to go to work.

It's unfortunate, Tony. Still
bound by the chains

of mainstream society.

You know it's unfortunate that
you sleep in a mystery van,
Scooby Doo Doo.

Oh.

[Audience laughter]

[Phone vibrates]

Hello. What's up, Donnie?

What? No, I have never met an
alien.

Uh. On second thought, maybe I
have.

Uh listen. No, I

alright if it'll shut you up, I
will listen to the show on the
way to work.

The conspiracy theory what?

[Instrumental Music]

[Clears throat]

Good mornin' Mr. Stallworth.

- Hey.
- I have called you a thousand
times.

Is your phone on silent or
somethin'?

Yep.

Well did you call the city
councilman back?

Yep.

Did you send the numbers over
for the proposal?

Yep.

Can I have a raise?

Hell, no.

[Audience laughter]

Closed mouths don't get fed.

You been here 2 days talkin'
about a raise.

Anyway, what got you so
distracted today?

I'm not distracted. I'm just
watchin' this new show,

Declassified America.

Oh, that conspiracy show.

- Uh uh.
- Now see, I didn't believe it
at first either.

But think about it. Some of that
stuff makes sense.

Ya eva wonder how Cherry can
hear you when you call her name?

She's listenin' to that.

Makes sense that she's listening
to everything else too.

You might be onto somethin', Mr.
Stallworth.

One time I was talkin' to my
homegirl about my Redbottoms
that I

always wanted, and then 30
seconds later,

boom!

[Audience laughter]
boom!

[Audience laughter]

I seen 'em on Facespace.

Now that's the stuff I'm talkin'
about. They trackin' you.

- I see. I see now.
- Mm hm. You see?

- [Melinda] Yeah.
- [Tony] Mm hm.

And you know what else? I just
thought about somethin'.

Hm?

They probably got you on they
radar.

Mm hm.

Probably been spyin' on me
through this little selfie
camera all day.

- [Tony] Oh no. Oh hoa hoa hoa
no.
- [Melinda] We got you!

- Alright. Uh mm.
- Not today, government. Tell
'em.

- Uh mm. Not Mr. Stallworth.
- Mm hm.

Knock knock, not us.

Not Tony. You what I'm talkin'
about?

- No, let's see here. Check this
one out.
- Mm hm.

There. Yeah, yeah. Spy on that.

But wait, doesn't the councilman
you sendin' the proposal to,
work

for the government?

He does.

Mmm.

[Drawer rattles shut]
I told you. Wait wait. Where you
goin'?

I gotta hurry up, finish
watchin' this show before it's
too late.

Okay, you go ahead and lock up
without me.

- Alright I I'll see ya
tomorrow.
- I got his, okay. Hey, hey.

Watch! Remember, watch!

[Instrumental Music]

Mmm. It's all these natural
odorless

ingredients, babe.

You never have to worry about
bein' tainted by

chemicals or imbalanced by

toxic uh mm's.

Oah. Ooh you know I just love a
man that knows how to

work with his hands.

- [Herb chuckling]
- Ooh. Um, am I interrupting
something?

Of course not.

Herb is just teachin' me about
the keys to his business.

Oh, okay Miss Trap Queen.

Ah I don't know what kind of
keys you makin' up in here,

but you and Heisenberg gonna
have to find somewhere else to
cook, okay.

You got it all wrong, Lisa. I
was just showin' Lori the
formula to my new

Herb Bars.

Here, have one.

It'll cleanse and revitalize the
crevices of your body that you
forgot

you even had.

Mm, I think I'm gonna pass,
okay.

Me and my crevices are just
chillin'. We're good.

Okay, thank you.

Lisa, get with the times.

I'm even tryin' this new dental
hygiene system too.

The constant use of fluoride in
toothpaste

has led to the deterioration of
the body's bones.

- Mmm.
- Don't you want healthy bones,
Lisa?

Do you want a broken bone, Herb?

Oh Lisa, try this with me.

[Laughter] I told you, I am too
grown for toys.

No. It's for your mouth, silly.

I don't care where you put it.

It's a miswak stick.

A miss what?

Lisa, it cleans and freshens
your teeth with no harmful
chemicals.

Don't you wanna have teeth to
smile at your grandkids one day?

Then join us

by using the miswak stick.

Stick the stick in your mouth,
Lisa. Stick the stick in your
mouth.

I'm not puttin' that in my
mouth.

Come on. Stick it

- ...in now. Stick it.
- If you don't get away from me,
I'm a...

...stick you with this jab.

[Instrumental Music]

That'll do, Tone.

- You're more than straight now.
- Okay.

Are you sure this system will
work?

100% sure, man.

You information is good and
protected.

Great. Cause I can't afford to
deal with any tricks that they
have up their sleeve.

And I ain't goin' down for
somethin' I ain't do. I ain't
gonna me nobody's scapegoat.

Well, this aluminum foil is the
perfect barrier to block out

all intercepted signals from the
government.

This place is more secure than a
white man's job.

[Audience laughter]

Uh, and on top of that,

I brought a little
reinforcement.

What is that?

A signal detector.

Okay. It looks like my toaster
with a antenna stickin' out.

I may or may not have used it
for breakfast this mornin'.

Donnie give me back my damn
toaster.

Hey hey, don't touch it, man.

This little baby monitors all
the wireless signals

passin' through the air.

As long as it's quiet, the
airwaves are clean.

[Beeping sound]

Why is it beepin' so fast?

Ah it must have detected a
signal.

Are you sure you used all
double-sided foil on all the
windows?

Yeah.
[Beeping intensifies]

Oh no! Eh this isn't supposed to
happen.

A the show said this only
happens like once every hundred
years.

What's happenin'?

The government couldn't get
through your strong signal
blocker

so they called upon
extra-terrestrial higher power
to help them get through.

Chu mean aliens?

[Audience laughter]

- Oah, it's about to go down,
Tone.
- What?

Here, man. Put this stuff on.

It'll stop the aliens from
patrolin' your brain.

[Audience laughter]

[Beeping continues]

Alright aliens, show yourselves.

[Audience laughter]

Are they here?

[Phone vibrates]

I thought I said all devices on
airplane mode.

It is on airplane mode.

Who is it, the aliens? Did they
text?

No, it's my calendar remindin'
me to pay my electric bill last
week.

Well obviously, that didn't
work.

[Music stings]

[Instrumental Music]

Hey, Mr. Stallworth.

[Foil clatters]

What is up with all this foil?

Are we havin' a cookout or
somethin' cause I like to eat.

No, these are my signal barriers
to keep the government

from stealin' my information.

Don't you think you takin' this
whole TV show

a little too far?

Why would you say that?

Who got to you?

Oh okay, back back up. Back up,

cause you have obviously gone
off the deep end. I mean

honestly.

What is this?

Don't even worry about that.
That is just in case

of a very rare impromptu alien
attack.

- Mr. Stallworth.
- Hmm.

Look at you.

Look at you in your face. Eh I
can tell you have not been
sleepin'.

How many hours of this TV show
have you been watchin' for the
last 2 days?

32 hours.

[Audience laughter]

Mr. Stallworth, I highly doubt
that the government is watchin'
you.

And if they are, so what?

Who cares?

You have nothin' to hide anyway.

[Audience laughter]

- Mr. Stallworth.
- Hmm.

Did you sent that proposal over
to the councilman?

Of course I did.

Well that's mighty funny because
they just sent me a text

say they haven't received
anything.

When did you send the email?

First of all I didn't send an
email because that is the
easiest way

for the government to track you.

Okay if you didn't send a email,
what did you send?

- I used the safest
communication known to man.
What is that?

- Carrier pigeon.
- You you used a damn carrier
pigeon!

Now they gonna use another
company.

Do you not know how much money I
done missed out on this?

I mean, do you know how much
money you have missed out on
this?

I just can't believe that I
bought them carrier pigeons from
Mike Tyson.

Never trust a man with a face
tat and a lisp.

[Foil clatters]

Looks like a carrier pigeon came
on back.

Oh no, forgot to leave the
window open. I'm sorry little
Charlie.

[Instrumental Music]

Ah, you like that, don't ya?

Thank you for all these really
great smellin' goodies.

Mm, of course. No problem,
little sis.

Thanks for opening your home to
me.

I won't be needing all those
fancy smelling perfumes anymore.

I'm stayin' committed to the
cause.

If you say so.

[Knocking]

[Door opens]

- Hello, Lisa.
- Hey.

Hi, Lori.

Hi.

Lori, can I speak with you about
somethin'?

Oh, that's a sentence you never
wanna hear.

Um, sure. Come on in.

Is there a problem?

Would you like to inform me

as to why I found this

Uah!

on my shag carpet at home?

My Shantel Number Nine.

Ah I mean I'm a sorry I ah--

I'm sorry, Herb. Ah I I just

It's my boss's fault. He told me
if I came

to work smellin' like a batch of
funky chitlin's

one more time, I'd be fired.

You don't need to explain, Lori.

You're just not

hygienically mature enough to be
my partner in the wind.

[Sobbing]

[Audience laughter]

Maybe one day our

souls will cross paths again.

Oh, Herb.

Are you breaking wind with me?

Is this goodbye?

Not a goodbye.

But a...

until we meet again.

[Audience laughter]

[Deep inhale and exhale]

Dang.

[Audience laughter]

Aw...I'm sorry he

broke up with you, Lori.

I mean come on. But to be
honest, you didn't need his old
musty tree-huggin' ass anyway.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

And I am pretty excited to be
usin' my fancy

smellin' body lotions again.

Oh but, I thought those were
mine.

Oh and for what it's worth, I
did leave his sheets

totally soaked last night.

Okay, sis.

What? I poked a hole in his
waterbed.

[Instrumental Music]

Hey, what's all this?

I made us dinner to celebrate
havin' the house to ourselves

for the last night before Ebony
comes back.

[Chuckles] Okay so the a

roach master must be goin' back
to her infested condo, huh?

Her place is all clean now,

and if you want this dinner and
dessert, you gonna curb those
insults

on my sister.

She got dumped tonight.

Again!

That girl got more exes than a
bowlin' alley score card.

[Laughter]

One more ex, she gonna strike
out.

That's not nice, Tony.

But she's actually handlin' it
really well.

I don't know. I think you two
were just goin' through a phase,
you know.

Her with nature boy.

You with the aluminum foil on
windows,

havin' my house lookin' like a
ghetto to go plate.

[Laughter]

You right, Lisa. I'm sorry.

Yeah that show just...had me
goin' crazy.

And you know I shoulda just been
focusin' on my family and my
business.

Tony, where have you been, man?

I sent like 3 carrier pigeons
lookin' for you.

[Audience laughter]

Damn, you got to start leavin'
your windows open, man.

Donnie, what the hell do you
want?

Oh, I came over here to say that
we should move to Jamaica

and live off the grid.

I ain't movin' nowhere. I'm done
with all those conspiracies.

If the government wants to spy
on me, let 'em. I ain't got
nothin' to hide.

What did you do to him?

Man, I just realized I was
trippin' when I almost missed
out on a huge deal.

Luckily, I got them to
reconsider my proposal.

You choosin' money over your
freedom?

[Sighs] Come on, brother. Who
got to you, man?

Where's your dignity?

I could never sell out for any
amount of money.

Donnie has no price tag.

I'll give you $20 just to shut
the hell up.

Tssh, $20 to shut me up, man. If
you make it 50, I'll leave.

Deal. Mmm, here you go. Here.

Go through your lady. I don't
want to touch hands that have
just disrespected me.

[Lisa chuckles] Wow.

Appreciate you, baby girl.

[Audience laughter]

You know, while I'm at it, I
might as well just take my
signal blocker.

Uh mm mm. Don't you take my
toaster outa here, Donnie.

No, it's the signal blocker.

Ain't no signal blocker. That's
my toaster.

- [Donnie] Look I'm just tryin'
to free ya, brotha
- [Tony] Boy that, really? Okay.

Alright. No, that's alright.

[Music stings]

[Instrumental Music]

[Donnie blows air] You 4 carrier
pigeons were amazing

carrier pigeons and um

you were gone too soon. Um,

[Audience laughter]

You wanna say anything, Tone?

Not really.

[Audience laughter]

Fine.

Charlie, I'm sorry that I didn't
leave the window open for you.

but I have to admit, you were
the worst $24.99

I've ever spent.

Alright um, you wanna start
diggin'?

Man, we ain't diggin' no holes
in my backyard.

I'm callin' Mike Tyson and
gettin' our money back.

[Instrumental Music]