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1
00:00:00,517 --> 00:00:04,107
[Instrumental Music]
2
00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:06,075
This is not a new car.
3
00:00:06,109 --> 00:00:07,628
[Audience laughter]
4
00:00:07,662 --> 00:00:08,939
[Crinkling]
5
00:00:08,974 --> 00:00:10,044
What are you doing?
6
00:00:10,079 --> 00:00:12,943
Shhh! I'm tryin' to figure out
what's in the box.
7
00:00:12,978 --> 00:00:14,738
Sounds cheap though. Probably
for you.
8
00:00:14,773 --> 00:00:18,915
Okay, shut up. You don't even
live here anymore so technically
you're a squatter.
9
00:00:18,949 --> 00:00:22,677
Squatter? A I stand when I pee,
thank you.
10
00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:25,991
At least college taught you
something. Cause you know, you
won't be there long.
11
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,615
You know, I wouldn't mind. The
food sucks
12
00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:32,687
and I'm tired of makin' Ramen
with yesterday's hot dog water.
13
00:00:32,722 --> 00:00:34,137
I can't do that no mo.
14
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:36,070
Season's Greetings my little
mini me's.
15
00:00:36,105 --> 00:00:38,314
Hey Dad. Can't wait to see what
you got us this year.
16
00:00:38,348 --> 00:00:41,248
I know you got me somethin'
nice, bein' that I'm your first
17
00:00:41,282 --> 00:00:43,595
born and it's my first year of
college.
18
00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:46,115
Sure did. It's right over there
under my a stockings.
19
00:00:50,153 --> 00:00:53,260
Wait...What is this?
20
00:00:53,743 --> 00:00:55,814
A are we havin' a barbecue cause
21
00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:57,126
all I see is coal.
22
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:58,782
Yeah Dad. This isn't funny.
23
00:00:58,817 --> 00:01:01,337
And neither were your grades
this semester.
24
00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:03,304
You guilty by association.
25
00:01:03,339 --> 00:01:05,237
I cannot believe you got us
coal!
26
00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:07,239
I didn't get you nothin'. Santa
Claus did.
27
00:01:07,274 --> 00:01:09,069
Keep goin'. There's more in
there.
28
00:01:11,726 --> 00:01:14,384
Um, what is this?
29
00:01:14,419 --> 00:01:16,697
Clearly college didn't teach you
how to read any better.
30
00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:18,906
- It's a list of chores.
- Chores?
31
00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:22,220
A I don't live here anymore. Why
do Ihave chores?
32
00:01:22,254 --> 00:01:24,877
Cause you still livin' in my
wallet and that's a chore.
33
00:01:24,912 --> 00:01:26,500
[Audience laughter]
34
00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:29,089
Get to work! Cold world, no
blanket.
35
00:01:29,917 --> 00:01:31,263
Happy Holidays.
36
00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:32,161
[Theme Music]
37
00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:34,128
♪ Woke up and my wife
said to me ♪
38
00:01:34,163 --> 00:01:36,510
♪ The bill collectors
want their fees ♪
39
00:01:36,544 --> 00:01:38,753
♪ The kids keep talkin'
back to me ♪
40
00:01:38,788 --> 00:01:40,341
♪ Family Time
41
00:01:40,652 --> 00:01:42,688
♪ Family Time. Family Time
42
00:01:42,723 --> 00:01:44,000
♪ Ah Oah Family Time
43
00:01:44,034 --> 00:01:46,036
♪ Oah oah oh oah yeah
44
00:01:46,589 --> 00:01:48,453
[Instrumental Music]
45
00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:50,627
Yeah well cryin' ain't gonna get
you nowhere with me.
46
00:01:50,662 --> 00:01:52,629
Grandma, I gotta go.
47
00:01:52,664 --> 00:01:54,666
[Audience laughter]
48
00:01:56,254 --> 00:01:59,809
Melinda what the hell do you
have on? That is not appropriate
work attire.
49
00:01:59,843 --> 00:02:01,500
Well neither is that, Mr.
Stallworth.
50
00:02:01,535 --> 00:02:03,985
Yeah well I'm the boss. I can
wear what I want.
51
00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,642
True.
52
00:02:05,677 --> 00:02:09,508
Mr. Stallworth, this is a
costume because I am one of
Santa's little helpers.
53
00:02:09,543 --> 00:02:11,372
He he he he.
54
00:02:11,407 --> 00:02:12,994
You know what the problem
with that is Melinda?
55
00:02:13,029 --> 00:02:14,134
Black people don't live
in the North Pole.
56
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:14,962
It's too damn cold.
57
00:02:14,996 --> 00:02:15,963
And we don't work for free
anymore.
58
00:02:15,997 --> 00:02:17,275
What's he payin' you
in? Candy canes?
59
00:02:17,309 --> 00:02:20,140
[High-pitched laughter]
60
00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:24,178
You are so funny, Mr.
Stallworth. And might I say
61
00:02:24,592 --> 00:02:26,042
you look amazing today.
62
00:02:26,076 --> 00:02:27,561
- How are you doing?
- Terrible!
63
00:02:27,595 --> 00:02:30,391
It's cold as hell outside.
Caught a flat on the way over
here.
64
00:02:30,426 --> 00:02:31,530
Was wearin' the wrong
colors in the
65
00:02:31,565 --> 00:02:32,635
wrong neighborhood
and got chased
66
00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,775
by 3 snarlin' pit
bulls, now what you
want?
67
00:02:34,809 --> 00:02:36,190
Nothin'!
68
00:02:36,225 --> 00:02:40,021
And might I say heh, you look
amazing today.
69
00:02:40,056 --> 00:02:42,541
You already said that. That's
why I said what do you want when
I shoulda said what
70
00:02:42,576 --> 00:02:43,680
the hell do you want, Melinda?
71
00:02:43,715 --> 00:02:46,511
Okay. Different approach. Heh
heh.
72
00:02:46,545 --> 00:02:48,858
Good morning Mr. Stallworth,
73
00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:53,242
I baked you this cake and I got
you this card.
74
00:02:54,243 --> 00:02:55,865
Woa! Um
75
00:02:57,107 --> 00:02:59,834
You are hungry Mr. Stallworth.
76
00:02:59,869 --> 00:03:01,802
Is everything alright at home?
77
00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:04,253
Don't worry about my damn home
life. Everything is fine. What
you want?
78
00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:06,151
[Audience laughter]
79
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:10,811
Well um the snow has been really
great for the slopes this year
80
00:03:10,845 --> 00:03:14,332
and I've been plannin' this ski
trip ever since I saw the winter
olympics
81
00:03:14,366 --> 00:03:17,438
cause I wanna be like a black
Lindsey Vonn on the slopes.
82
00:03:17,473 --> 00:03:19,129
[Audience laughter]
83
00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:22,167
Or maybe because I'm a little
adventurous,
84
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,653
I could try bobsledding. You
know I'm 29% Nigerian. I can get
on the
85
00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:27,552
female Nigerian bobsled team.
86
00:03:27,586 --> 00:03:30,140
Can you bobsled your way to the
point?
87
00:03:30,624 --> 00:03:33,868
Well, I can't really afford to
do it right now.
88
00:03:33,903 --> 00:03:36,112
Well then why did you plan a
trip that you can't afford?
89
00:03:36,146 --> 00:03:39,702
- Well cause I was countin' on
my, my bonus this year.
[Chokes]
90
00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:42,463
Teh heh, you better count back
the last year when you didn't
get one.
91
00:03:42,498 --> 00:03:44,983
Ah heh huh, you a trip, Mr.
Stallworth.
92
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,157
- Mm hm.
- And speakin' of trips...
93
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,987
you sure you don't want to help
a sista out?
94
00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:52,370
I mean I could got up to the
slopes and I can meet this
95
00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:55,476
rich baller and he can sweep me
off my feet
96
00:03:55,511 --> 00:03:56,581
or skis.
97
00:03:56,615 --> 00:03:58,341
Would you get to the point?
98
00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:02,207
I'm just sayin' Mr. Stallworth,
I could meet a really nice guy
with some money.
99
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,760
And then I'll be out of your
hair.
100
00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:06,453
Oh, oh you were serious. Girl,
please.
101
00:04:06,487 --> 00:04:09,214
The only bonus you gettin' is
the added bonus of working on
Christmas Eve.
102
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,043
Merry Christmas.
103
00:04:11,492 --> 00:04:14,254
[Sobbing]
104
00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:16,601
Can you cry quieter please?
105
00:04:16,635 --> 00:04:17,636
[Audience laughter]
106
00:04:17,671 --> 00:04:20,915
Mm. And this cake is terrible. I
hate coconut!
107
00:04:21,157 --> 00:04:22,503
Give me some milk.
108
00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:27,267
[Instrumental Music]
109
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,510
I can't believe I let you in my
man cave, Lisa.
110
00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:33,065
And you talked me into watchin'
that Christmas marathon again.
111
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,171
It wasn't a wonderful life,
okay.
112
00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:37,932
The Christmas carol was way off
key,
113
00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:39,969
and at this point I wish I was
home alone.
114
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:43,248
Now that Grinch, I could relate
to him. Now he had it figured
out.
115
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,940
Well I was hopin' it would get
you into the holiday spirit,
Tony.
116
00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:47,839
You wouldn't even let me
decorate around here.
117
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:48,840
You wanna decorate?
118
00:04:48,874 --> 00:04:51,221
Call over your sisters, Donner
and Blitzen.
119
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:52,982
What did I just walk in on?
120
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:55,364
The same thing you need to walk
your black ass out on.
121
00:04:55,398 --> 00:04:57,469
Whachu doin' in my house?
122
00:04:57,504 --> 00:04:59,402
I just came to spread some
holiday cheer.
123
00:04:59,437 --> 00:05:00,265
[Tony grunts]
124
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,336
I bid you a Merry Kwanzaa,
125
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:05,132
a happy Christmas, and a, and a
cheerful Hanukkah.
126
00:05:05,166 --> 00:05:06,789
I wish I could bid on a new
friend.
127
00:05:06,823 --> 00:05:10,689
You know you can't fit your
big-ass head in a yarmulke.
128
00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,968
Don't you mean your best friend,
Tone? Your day one?
129
00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:16,626
I just wanted to see what you
wanted me to bring to the
Christmas party.
130
00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:18,214
Oh I'm glad you asked, Donnie.
131
00:05:18,248 --> 00:05:21,355
I'm actually thinking about
making a fried Turducken.
132
00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:22,736
[Audience laughter]
133
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:23,978
A fried who?
134
00:05:24,013 --> 00:05:25,532
Turducken, Donnie.
135
00:05:25,566 --> 00:05:28,776
It's when you take both of
Lisa's sisters, shove 'em into a
turkey,
136
00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:30,502
and fry their edges until
they're crispy.
137
00:05:30,537 --> 00:05:31,917
[Audience laughter]
138
00:05:32,193 --> 00:05:32,918
Sounds delicious.
139
00:05:32,953 --> 00:05:34,299
Cut it out, Tony.
140
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,750
Donnie's just tryin' to spread a
little holiday cheer.
141
00:05:36,784 --> 00:05:38,407
- You should too.
- Yeah [Shrugging]
142
00:05:38,441 --> 00:05:41,548
I'm all for holiday cheer, just
not in my house.
143
00:05:41,582 --> 00:05:43,515
What are you talkin' about?
Y'all host Christmas every year.
144
00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:46,898
Yeah and that's the problem.
Every year the family comes over
and stresses Lisa out.
145
00:05:46,932 --> 00:05:49,452
She stresses me out. I would
love one holiday
146
00:05:49,487 --> 00:05:50,488
without stress.
147
00:05:50,522 --> 00:05:52,006
But my sisters are gonna help
this year, Tony.
148
00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:53,111
- Oh they gonna help this year?
- Yeah.
149
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,113
Oh really? If they really wanna
help,
150
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,804
then they should have Christmas
in they own caves.
151
00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,221
Cause it ain't happenin' here.
Not this year, and that's final!
152
00:06:00,256 --> 00:06:02,154
- Really?
- Is that right?
153
00:06:02,189 --> 00:06:03,742
As long as Lisa's okay with it.
154
00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:04,847
[Audience laughter]
155
00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:09,610
Well ah hah, I guess I'll be
Turducken outa here.
156
00:06:09,645 --> 00:06:11,405
Get it, Tur-duck?
157
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:12,682
[Audience laughter]
158
00:06:12,717 --> 00:06:14,287
I'm a go.
159
00:06:14,287 --> 00:06:17,342
[Instrumental Music]
160
00:06:22,899 --> 00:06:25,971
Lisa why you got that light on?
I'm tryin' to get some sleep.
161
00:06:26,006 --> 00:06:28,629
Ooooh.
162
00:06:28,664 --> 00:06:32,392
Toooony.
163
00:06:34,704 --> 00:06:37,707
Girl, what do you have on? Why
you dressed in all white?
164
00:06:37,742 --> 00:06:39,951
I thought I married Lisa
Stallworth, not LisaRaye.
165
00:06:39,985 --> 00:06:41,021
[Audience laughter]
166
00:06:41,055 --> 00:06:43,230
I wouldn't be caught dead in
white.
167
00:06:43,264 --> 00:06:45,197
This is metallic.
168
00:06:45,232 --> 00:06:50,686
And I'm not Lisa. I'm the ghost
of Christmas Past.
169
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,964
Mooo.
170
00:06:52,998 --> 00:06:55,000
Okay well when you pass the
light switch, can you turn it
off?
171
00:06:55,035 --> 00:06:57,244
We tryin' to save on
electricity.
172
00:06:57,278 --> 00:07:02,318
Tooony, this is not a joke,
Tooony.
173
00:07:02,352 --> 00:07:04,838
Oooooh.
174
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:09,532
Tony, will you stop talkin' in
your sleep. I'm tryin' to get
some rest.
175
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:10,947
[Audience laughter]
176
00:07:10,982 --> 00:07:14,399
Oh I get it. I must be dreamin'.
177
00:07:15,642 --> 00:07:16,263
Mm hm.
178
00:07:16,297 --> 00:07:17,195
Ow!
179
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:18,610
[Instrumental Music]
180
00:07:19,059 --> 00:07:22,649
[Instrumental Music]
181
00:07:22,683 --> 00:07:26,031
Alright I know this is just a
dream, so I'll play along.
182
00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:27,826
This ain't a dream, Tony.
183
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:30,519
Nobody's playin' with you.
184
00:07:30,553 --> 00:07:31,865
You've been a real curmudgeon.
185
00:07:31,899 --> 00:07:33,314
A what?
186
00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:34,212
[Audience laughter]
187
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:38,906
Translation: a tight wad. A real
jackass.
188
00:07:39,838 --> 00:07:41,702
Well yeah, well tell that to the
bill collectors.
189
00:07:41,737 --> 00:07:43,877
Cause everybody wants some money
from me. As soon as I make it,
190
00:07:43,911 --> 00:07:45,430
somebody's there to take it.
191
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,226
In fact is that what this is all
about? You want some money? What
you want?
192
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:53,369
Ooooh, well real Lisa wants red
bottoms.
193
00:07:53,403 --> 00:07:57,649
But Ghost Lisa just wants to
teach you a lesson.
194
00:07:57,684 --> 00:08:01,135
Oooh suki suki now. That's what
I'm talkin' about. Come on in
here.
195
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,965
I always wanted two Lisa's in
the bed.
196
00:08:02,999 --> 00:08:04,138
[Audience laughter]
197
00:08:04,173 --> 00:08:06,140
Word on the street is you can't
even handle one.
198
00:08:06,175 --> 00:08:07,487
[Audience laughter]
199
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,109
Well bring it on, Spooky.
200
00:08:09,143 --> 00:08:12,112
Shut it up, I'm running things
in this dream.
201
00:08:12,422 --> 00:08:14,459
Oh wait a minute ago you said
this wasn't a dream.
202
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,150
Silence!
203
00:08:16,185 --> 00:08:19,153
Now you'll be visited by 3
ghosts.
204
00:08:19,188 --> 00:08:22,156
Well 2 other than me. You get
the point.
205
00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:25,712
And the point is, you gonna
learn today
206
00:08:25,746 --> 00:08:27,058
[Audience laughter]
207
00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:28,784
I don't need to learn nuthin'
from no ghost.
208
00:08:28,818 --> 00:08:31,856
And what's the big deal? I'm
always jolly around the
holidays.
209
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:34,341
Ooooh I beg to differ, Tony.
210
00:08:34,375 --> 00:08:37,309
Let's go back to Christmas 2
years ago.
211
00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:44,869
What are you waiting for? Get
your ass up. We've got places to
go.
212
00:08:45,283 --> 00:08:48,458
[Instrumental Music]
213
00:08:50,253 --> 00:08:51,738
Oh hey, that's me.
214
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:53,774
And Melina's on time for once.
215
00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:56,259
- Now why are we floatin'?
- Shhh.
216
00:08:56,294 --> 00:08:57,951
We just got to the good part.
217
00:08:57,985 --> 00:08:59,953
- Mr. Stallworth we need to
talk.
- A deh, deh, deh.
218
00:08:59,987 --> 00:09:01,955
I don't care if they kids. They
gotta learn.
219
00:09:03,094 --> 00:09:05,545
I'm listenin'. Well not really
but go ahead.
220
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:09,687
I was thinking that mm since I
didn't get a promotion earlier
this year,
221
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:12,068
- with it bein' the holidays and
all
- Ah ah ah, let me just...
222
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:15,037
stop you right there, Melinda.
Now you know things are tight
around the holidays.
223
00:09:15,071 --> 00:09:17,004
And I was worried about
Christmas myself.
224
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:18,937
Now, now Ebony needs music
lessons.
225
00:09:18,972 --> 00:09:20,974
A Devin wants a new car and
226
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:23,804
I'll probably have to get my
stomach pumped if I eat one more
meatloaf from Lisa.
227
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:25,530
I didn't mean nothin' by that.
228
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,015
Okay, I understand Mr.
Stallworth.
229
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:32,054
A I guess this will just have to
be the 3rd year in a row I can't
get my
230
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:34,884
[Choking up]
poor sick grandmother anything
for Christmas.
231
00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:39,130
Yeah...Look, she's old. I'm sure
she's got enough memories to
hold her over.
232
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,754
- Yeah, you're right Mr.
Stallworth.
- Of course I am.
233
00:09:46,482 --> 00:09:47,863
Here's your mail.
234
00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:49,105
[Whimpering]
235
00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:51,763
Okay I wasn't bein' a scrooge,
okay. I was just concerned
236
00:09:51,798 --> 00:09:53,420
about my family.
237
00:09:53,454 --> 00:09:54,904
Just keep watching.
238
00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:56,734
Oh my damn.
239
00:09:56,768 --> 00:09:58,736
- [Chuckling]
- What is it Mr. Stallworth?
240
00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:00,945
We closed on the Rovelto
account.
241
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:03,948
Hey, and they added a little
bonus. A little extra incentive.
Look at that.
242
00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:08,849
Uh that's great Mr. Stallworth.
See I knew something would work
out for us.
243
00:10:08,884 --> 00:10:10,989
Us? I don't see your name on
this check.
244
00:10:11,024 --> 00:10:13,026
No. This is just enough to cover
the kids' gifts
245
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:16,029
with a little somethin' left
over for the Tony fund.
246
00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:17,375
Should get some golf clubs.
247
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,377
Or or or or a motorcycle.
248
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:22,173
Melinda, you think I'd look good
in one of them Segways?
249
00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:26,936
[Sobbing] I don't think they
have one big enough to fit your
ego.
250
00:10:26,971 --> 00:10:29,870
I'm really disappointed in you
Tony.
251
00:10:29,905 --> 00:10:31,631
I don't remember it happening
exactly like that.
252
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,634
I think they photo shopped me
into this scenario.
253
00:10:34,979 --> 00:10:37,602
Lisa? Ghost Lisa?
254
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,810
Boo.
255
00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:40,294
Where'd she go?
256
00:10:42,262 --> 00:10:43,850
Uuh!
257
00:10:43,884 --> 00:10:46,059
- Donnie who the hell are you
supposed to be?
- Well I ain't the holy ghost.
258
00:10:46,093 --> 00:10:47,957
I'm the ghost of Christmas
present.
259
00:10:47,992 --> 00:10:50,097
A Christmas present will be you
not bein' here.
260
00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:52,203
Very funny. Now come with me.
261
00:10:52,237 --> 00:10:57,760
[Instrumental Music]
262
00:10:57,795 --> 00:11:00,142
This is the worst Christmas
ever.
263
00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:04,353
Yeah. I haven't been this sad
since the mall Santa Claus got
arrested for stealing
264
00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:05,319
candy canes.
265
00:11:05,354 --> 00:11:06,976
Okay, why are you two talkin'
like this?
266
00:11:07,011 --> 00:11:09,461
Because, Dad's been in the worst
mood ever.
267
00:11:09,496 --> 00:11:11,429
It's like really bringin' me
down.
268
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,293
Mm yeah. He hasn't been himself.
269
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:16,158
Yeah he has been workin' really
hard lately.
270
00:11:16,192 --> 00:11:18,747
Maybe we should get him
somethin' to cheer him up.
271
00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:22,440
Oh wow, Lisa does really
appreciate the things I do
around here.
272
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,753
I have some money saved up from
my allowance.
273
00:11:24,787 --> 00:11:27,928
Yeah I mean I got some chump
change. I could throw him a few
dollars
274
00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:30,655
I raised from the work study job
I got.
275
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,520
That's good thinkin'. What you
think we should get him?
276
00:11:33,554 --> 00:11:36,626
I mean he has been talkin' about
golf clubs a lot this year.
277
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:38,628
Oh yeah, but he's a terrible
golfer.
278
00:11:38,939 --> 00:11:42,253
What? What's she talkin' about.
I'm damn near scratch.
279
00:11:42,287 --> 00:11:43,116
[Audience laughter]
280
00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:45,566
Or maybe a Segway.
281
00:11:45,601 --> 00:11:49,087
Mmm his ego is a bit too big for
a Segway.
282
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:51,124
But he's still a great dad.
283
00:11:51,158 --> 00:11:53,057
Hm. That's my boy.
284
00:11:53,091 --> 00:11:54,299
[Audience laughter]
285
00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:56,060
Cheap as hell
286
00:11:56,094 --> 00:11:57,475
[Audience laughter]
287
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:58,890
but he's a great dad.
288
00:11:58,925 --> 00:12:00,478
That little ingrate.
289
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,582
[Audience laughter]
290
00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:04,171
I wouldn't trade him for the
world.
291
00:12:04,206 --> 00:12:06,587
Mm. At least somebody's got my
back.
292
00:12:06,622 --> 00:12:08,313
Maybe a new smart phone.
293
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:09,798
[Audience laughter]
294
00:12:09,832 --> 00:12:11,282
How about I'm cuttin' her phone
off when we get back to the real
world.
295
00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:12,662
[Audience laughter]
296
00:12:12,697 --> 00:12:15,804
Grouchy or not, your dad is hard
not to love.
297
00:12:16,183 --> 00:12:19,462
It's nice to see that they go
all out for me. You know what,
this
298
00:12:19,808 --> 00:12:21,602
ooh this is gettin' me choked
up.
299
00:12:21,637 --> 00:12:24,226
Donnie you got any of that ghost
tissue?
300
00:12:24,502 --> 00:12:26,504
Dah Donnie? Ghost Donnie?
301
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:27,781
[Musical chimes]
302
00:12:27,816 --> 00:12:29,438
What are you doing here? Weren't
you just in the last scene?
303
00:12:29,472 --> 00:12:33,269
[Singing] I am the ghost of
Christmas future!
304
00:12:33,304 --> 00:12:36,272
Aaaah Oaaah.
305
00:12:36,307 --> 00:12:37,273
Nope?
306
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:38,412
[Audience laughter]
307
00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:41,174
Another ghost? Damn, I'm
startin' to think I'm dead.
308
00:12:41,208 --> 00:12:43,521
Spoiler alert, that's the next
scene. Let go.
309
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,661
[Instrumental Music]
310
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:48,595
[Instrumental Music]
311
00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:50,770
This is Christmas 2 years from
now.
312
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:55,809
Are you ready to see what your
future beholds?
313
00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:59,364
Let me guess...Devin has
finished college
314
00:12:59,399 --> 00:13:01,435
and is now interning
with a business
associate?
315
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:04,024
Ebony is in school with
a 4.0 GPA
316
00:13:04,059 --> 00:13:05,854
and preparin' to be the next
Michelle Obama.
317
00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:09,271
And Lisa is still fine as ever
and very loyal to your truly.
318
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:11,963
[Snickering] How'd you know?
319
00:13:11,998 --> 00:13:14,586
One question um, will I still be
able to see my hairline?
320
00:13:14,621 --> 00:13:16,796
[Audience laughter]
321
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:21,386
What the hell?
322
00:13:21,421 --> 00:13:25,874
Come on baby, here we go
You got it, here we go.
323
00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:29,912
Devin what is wrong with you,
boy? Don't make me shake some
sense into you?
324
00:13:29,947 --> 00:13:31,707
He can't hear you!
325
00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:32,812
It's just a glimpse of the
future.
326
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,986
Can he still feel my foot in his
ass?
327
00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:36,539
Maybe, I don't know.
328
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,196
[Footsteps]
329
00:13:38,507 --> 00:13:42,856
Oh 22 Unsavage, your voice is so
amazing.
330
00:13:42,891 --> 00:13:45,100
I love you so much.
331
00:13:45,134 --> 00:13:47,585
Ebony what is wrong wit you? You
know you can't have boys up in
your room.
332
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,138
And you should be in school
right now anyway.
333
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:51,416
[Clears throat] A she dropped
out so
334
00:13:51,451 --> 00:13:54,419
Oh no no. Not my baby girl. She
must be just goin' through a
phase.
335
00:13:54,454 --> 00:13:56,870
I can't wait to elope and start
a family.
336
00:13:56,905 --> 00:13:59,839
- What?
- As a matter of fact, I gotta
tell you somethin'.
337
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,289
There's gonna be a 23rd
Unsavage.
338
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:03,601
Oh hell no.
339
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:06,915
No no no no no no no!
340
00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:09,918
No. Lih Lisa, Lisa, do you see
how your kids are actin'?
341
00:14:09,952 --> 00:14:12,472
And what are you doin pregnant?
You know we can't afford another
baby.
342
00:14:12,506 --> 00:14:14,163
Devin what you doin'?
343
00:14:14,198 --> 00:14:17,373
What? What'd I tell you about
bettin' on the fours?
344
00:14:17,408 --> 00:14:19,617
Six and eight are runnin' mates!
345
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,101
[Audience laughter]
346
00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:22,620
Really Lisa?
347
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,897
Excuse me.
348
00:14:24,346 --> 00:14:27,659
- Excuse me young lady. Is this
any way to treat your man?
- Yeah, get her baby.
349
00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,662
- Hmm?
- Gotta make him comfortable
350
00:14:30,697 --> 00:14:31,940
[Audience laughter]
351
00:14:31,974 --> 00:14:33,838
Like that, I thought I taught
you better than that, girl.
352
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,322
- You're right, Mom. My bad.
- Mmm.
353
00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:36,772
Oh no no. Okay a a a I can't
take it.
354
00:14:36,806 --> 00:14:38,394
I can't take it. Lisa's
pregnant.
355
00:14:38,429 --> 00:14:40,465
Okay? Ebony's expectin' a baby,
356
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,846
and Devin's a little thug.
357
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,848
Now where am I in this whole
equation?
358
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,126
Oh um, there was an accident.
359
00:14:46,161 --> 00:14:47,679
What kinda accident?
360
00:14:47,714 --> 00:14:49,819
You don't want to know the
details,
361
00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:52,926
It's too gory. Ha ha ha ha ha.
[Sobbing]
362
00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:55,239
Let's just say you ain't make
it.
363
00:14:55,273 --> 00:14:56,550
[Audience laughter]
364
00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:59,036
Well how did Lisa get pregnant
then?
365
00:14:59,312 --> 00:15:02,073
Lisa Dutch McDonald,
366
00:15:02,108 --> 00:15:04,800
mm mm mm, gotta tell ya Lisa,
367
00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:06,526
Daddy's not happy.
368
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,217
Daddy's not happy at all.
369
00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:12,014
How many times do I have to tell
you, I don't like seein' the
bottom of my glass.
370
00:15:12,049 --> 00:15:14,085
Refill immediately.
371
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,466
Yes, Daddy.
372
00:15:16,087 --> 00:15:18,262
What'd you see in that Tony guy
anyway?
373
00:15:18,296 --> 00:15:21,230
A winnin' lottery ticket.
374
00:15:21,265 --> 00:15:23,025
[Audience laughter]
375
00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:24,406
Okay, that's it. That's it!
376
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,649
Wake me up so I can whoop his
black ass.
377
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:28,962
Sorry, no can do.
378
00:15:28,997 --> 00:15:31,931
How's Lisa gonna get pregnant
and have Donnie's baby?
379
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,485
Okay, now I see why all this
happened.
380
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:37,039
You know it is what it is. I
mean your Grinch-like ways
381
00:15:37,074 --> 00:15:39,766
led you to pickin' up pennies on
the street only to end up face
to face
382
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,285
with a Mack truck.
383
00:15:41,319 --> 00:15:43,356
Oh, and then your whole family
fell apart.
384
00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:45,599
Happy Holidays!
385
00:15:45,634 --> 00:15:54,746
Noooooooooo!
386
00:15:55,057 --> 00:15:57,853
Noooooo!
387
00:15:58,198 --> 00:16:00,752
- Tony wake up baby, you're
dreaming.
- Oh, oah my
388
00:16:00,787 --> 00:16:03,410
Lisa, Lisa is that you? Or are
you Ghost Lisa?
389
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:05,067
Can you hear me?
390
00:16:05,102 --> 00:16:07,207
I can smell you, okay?
391
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:08,864
Is Donnie here?
392
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:10,486
No. Why would Donnie be here?
393
00:16:10,521 --> 00:16:13,041
Don't be coy with me woman. How
many months are you, huh?
394
00:16:13,075 --> 00:16:16,009
Couldn't wait till I got hit by
that truck so you could get
knocked up by Donnie.
395
00:16:16,044 --> 00:16:17,700
Since you only stayed with me
cause of a
396
00:16:17,735 --> 00:16:19,047
- winnin' lottery ticket.
- Okay Tony,
397
00:16:19,081 --> 00:16:21,083
Okay, I don't know what the hell
you're talkin' about but
398
00:16:21,118 --> 00:16:23,016
you are this far away from
offendin' me.
399
00:16:23,051 --> 00:16:25,260
Okay baby I'm I'm sorry. It
must've been a
400
00:16:25,294 --> 00:16:26,951
woo it must've been a bad dream.
401
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,573
What was it about?
402
00:16:28,608 --> 00:16:30,713
Trust me Lisa, you do not wanna
know.
403
00:16:30,748 --> 00:16:34,096
Where is that son of ours?
Bettin' on fours. I taught him
better than that.
404
00:16:34,131 --> 00:16:36,581
Sixes and eights his runnin'
mate. Huh.
405
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,068
[Instrumental Music]
406
00:16:40,102 --> 00:16:41,172
[Footsteps]
407
00:16:41,207 --> 00:16:43,140
There's my beautiful family.
408
00:16:43,174 --> 00:16:45,349
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas
everybody.
409
00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:48,041
- Sit on down. I got gifts for
everybody.
- Okay.
410
00:16:48,076 --> 00:16:49,422
What's gotten into your dad?
411
00:16:49,456 --> 00:16:51,976
Maybe he bumped his head tryin'
to squeeze through the chimney.
412
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:55,048
Okay wait, who are you and what
did you do with our real dad?
413
00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:57,637
Heh heh heh, girl you silly.
Here, that's for you.
414
00:16:58,155 --> 00:16:59,915
- And that's for you.
- Thank you.
415
00:16:59,949 --> 00:17:01,917
- That's for you there.
- Oh my God!
416
00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:07,371
You got me the new smartphone!
Now I can download the new 22
Unsavage album.
417
00:17:07,405 --> 00:17:09,131
Say what? Oh no no no no. Give
me that back.
418
00:17:09,166 --> 00:17:10,615
I'll get you somethin' else.
419
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:11,858
[Audience laughter]
420
00:17:11,892 --> 00:17:13,170
What is this?
421
00:17:13,204 --> 00:17:16,069
Those are fuzzy dice to hang
from the rearview mirror.
422
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:18,313
Rearview mirror of what?
423
00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:19,555
Merry Christmas.
424
00:17:19,590 --> 00:17:22,006
- Dad you got me a car?
- Yes, sir.
425
00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:24,250
Come on, Ebony. Let's go look at
my car.
426
00:17:24,284 --> 00:17:25,285
Yeah. My boy.
427
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,838
Oah.
428
00:17:26,873 --> 00:17:28,944
Yo, wait wait wait wait wait,
before you go, let your mom open
her gift.
429
00:17:28,978 --> 00:17:30,566
Oh, okay.
430
00:17:31,395 --> 00:17:32,775
I got red bottoms.
431
00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:36,434
- Oooh, I got me some red
bottoms.
- Only the best for the best.
432
00:17:36,469 --> 00:17:37,677
Aww, thank you baby.
433
00:17:37,711 --> 00:17:39,265
You like 'em? You like your box?
434
00:17:39,299 --> 00:17:42,268
You'll get somethin'.
435
00:17:42,302 --> 00:17:44,063
Hey, Merry Christmas
Stallworth's.
436
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:47,480
Lisa, did you happen to make any
coffee? Cause I hate to see the
bottom of my cup.
437
00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:50,034
[Instrumental Music]
438
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:55,729
[Instrumental Music]
439
00:17:55,764 --> 00:17:59,181
Hey Mr. Stallworth, I filed all
the photos just the way you
wanted.
440
00:17:59,216 --> 00:18:01,218
Good. Now I got one more thing
for you to do.
441
00:18:01,252 --> 00:18:04,531
What is it? I just got a
manicure. I can't be scrubbin'
no toilets.
442
00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:05,636
[Audience laughter]
443
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:06,878
No, nothin' like that.
444
00:18:06,913 --> 00:18:08,604
I want you to go ahead and take
the rest of the day off.
445
00:18:08,639 --> 00:18:11,228
In fact, take the rest of the
year off and go on that little
ski trip.
446
00:18:11,262 --> 00:18:12,953
Just remember, it's only 7 days.
447
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:15,473
Oh my God! Mr. Stallworth, are
you sure?
448
00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:17,924
Please don't get my hopes up and
turn me into that lady from
Misery.
449
00:18:17,958 --> 00:18:19,098
[Audience laughter]
450
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,100
No, I'm I'm absolutely sure.
451
00:18:21,445 --> 00:18:22,308
Okay.
452
00:18:22,342 --> 00:18:24,482
Huh, you ain't got to tell me
twice.
453
00:18:24,517 --> 00:18:25,518
Hmm.
454
00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:27,485
Oh hey Melinda,
455
00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:29,729
I'll go get the toilet scrubber.
456
00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:31,248
No, no. [Laughter]
457
00:18:31,765 --> 00:18:33,250
I wanted to give you that.
458
00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:34,630
Uh.
459
00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:36,218
Hoa!
460
00:18:36,253 --> 00:18:38,565
A bonus, Mr. Stallworth?
461
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,395
Thank you so much!
462
00:18:40,429 --> 00:18:41,189
You're welcome.
463
00:18:41,223 --> 00:18:43,018
Oh huh.
464
00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:46,780
Black Lindsey Vonn...
465
00:18:46,815 --> 00:18:48,092
out!
466
00:18:48,679 --> 00:18:51,992
- She's so--
- Oh, thank you again, Mr.
Stallworth.
467
00:18:52,027 --> 00:18:53,822
I'm a give you a gift when I
come back.
468
00:18:53,856 --> 00:18:57,860
Oh and um be careful. Some man
just got hit by a Mack truck
this morning.
469
00:18:59,414 --> 00:19:02,589
[Instrumental Music]
470
00:19:02,624 --> 00:19:04,798
- Where are we here? Is this--
- Okay we, we're right here,
Tony.
471
00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:06,075
- Wait just--
- Go ahead. Step down. Step
down.
472
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:07,974
Alright. Don't you let me fall,
girl.
473
00:19:08,008 --> 00:19:08,975
[Audience laughter]
474
00:19:09,009 --> 00:19:10,252
Okay, why am I blindfolded? How
about that.
475
00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:13,186
Because I have somethin' very
important to show you, Tony.
476
00:19:13,221 --> 00:19:14,981
Alright well there's just
somethin' that don't feel right
477
00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:16,327
about goin' down a flight of
stairs
478
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:19,365
blindfolded. I feel like Ving
Rhames in Pulp Fiction.
479
00:19:19,399 --> 00:19:20,952
You're so silly.
480
00:19:20,987 --> 00:19:22,747
- Wha one more...One step.
- That it?
481
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:24,991
- One more step. You got it.
There it is.
- One more?
482
00:19:25,025 --> 00:19:26,095
This the last one?
483
00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:28,339
Stop. You are so silly. Stand
up.
484
00:19:28,374 --> 00:19:31,308
- Hmm.
- The kids and I just wanted to
show you our appreciation.
485
00:19:31,342 --> 00:19:32,067
That's all.
486
00:19:32,101 --> 00:19:34,103
Oh Lisa it, it's not about me.
487
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:37,176
It's about what you do for
others during the holidays.
488
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,695
- Mm hm.
- You know just seein' you guys
happy,
489
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,283
gave me the most joy I've ever
had.
490
00:19:41,318 --> 00:19:43,665
- Aww Tony...Oh, oh.
- Speakin of seein', can I take
this blindfold off now?
491
00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:45,114
[Audience laughter]
492
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,840
Oah, wha, what's this?
493
00:19:46,875 --> 00:19:49,533
The new set of golf clubs, Tony.
494
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:51,051
Lisa, you didn't have to do
that.
495
00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:52,536
- Okay, I'll take 'em back. Now
I just--
- [Stammering]
496
00:19:52,812 --> 00:19:54,296
No nope no uh uh. Now watch it.
Now you
497
00:19:54,331 --> 00:19:55,987
- can take them kids back, okay.
- [Laughter]
498
00:19:56,022 --> 00:19:58,956
But you are not touchin' my
titanium driver.
499
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:00,440
Oh Lisa these are nice!
500
00:20:00,475 --> 00:20:02,442
This musta cost Mea fortune.
501
00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:07,758
No. Devin, Ebony, my sisters,
your mom and dad, we all
pitched in.
502
00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,622
- Ah damn.
- What?
503
00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:12,763
That means I'm a have to throw a
extra bucket of chum in your
sisters' shark tank.
504
00:20:12,797 --> 00:20:15,904
You know what? You gonna stop!
talkin' about my sisters.
505
00:20:15,938 --> 00:20:19,321
Lisa honestly, the this is, this
is the nicest Christmas I've
ever had.
506
00:20:19,356 --> 00:20:21,944
- Aww.
- In fact, we should use this.
507
00:20:21,979 --> 00:20:23,152
What's that, Tony?
508
00:20:23,187 --> 00:20:25,085
I'm not smokin' that.
509
00:20:25,534 --> 00:20:26,432
It's mistletoe.
510
00:20:26,466 --> 00:20:28,917
Oh. Well in that
case, Merry
Christmas.
511
00:20:28,951 --> 00:20:31,057
Hm hm hmm.
Huh huh.
512
00:20:31,575 --> 00:20:32,886
Oh girl, I
cannot wait
513
00:20:32,921 --> 00:20:34,509
to use my
new putter
514
00:20:34,543 --> 00:20:36,165
and my new wood.
515
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,684
[Audience
laughter]
516
00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:38,789
It's a golf
term. Wood.
517
00:20:38,823 --> 00:20:39,686
Just, just a--
518
00:20:39,721 --> 00:20:41,688
[Instrumental Music]
519
00:20:42,448 --> 00:20:45,036
[Instrumental Music]
520
00:20:46,141 --> 00:20:48,385
[Instrumental Music]
40053
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