Original subtitles

[Instrumental Music]

Lisa baby, when is the food gonna be ready?

Hurry up, girl. I'm hongry!

You gonna be starvin' if you don't take that "O" out of hongry.

I use the "O" so you know how hongry I am.

- Come on now, I know how to talk. - Speak!

You know how to speak. Come on now, brutha.

- You are better than that. - Okay, fine.

Now feed me, please!

Here you go.

- What the? - Mm.

- Blindfold? - Mm hm.

Girl, we can't get kinky during breakfast. What if the kids come down?

Look, personally I don't care, but you the one that said they'd end up in counseling.

[Audience laughter]

Tony listen, I am blindfolding you

so you can taste test my food and give me your honest

- reaction to it. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What type of food are you feedin' me that requires a blindfold?

That ain't poison is it?

Listen, I told you that she is just my assistant. - Tony, relax. Take a bite.

Mm.

Mm, okay.

Oohm, alright. Got some seeds in there too, huh?

Yeah, pretty good. You like it? - Uhm hm.

It's kinda good. What is it?

My new piña colada pancake recipe.

- Oh yeah, delicious. -Mm hm. Mm hm.

Can I get sum mo? What's in it?

Blindfold during breakfast?

I am disgusted, y'all. Y'all got kids.

Now personally I don't care but y'all the ones that said they could end up in counseling.

Yeah I, I wanted Tony to taste test my pancakes and tell me if he liked 'em.

I'm sure he love your pancakes, that's why y'all been married so long.

Heh, am I right? Can I get one?

[Audience laughter]

Why are you here?

Oh yo, so I just won an all-expense paid cruise to Jamaica.

Over the phone.

All I had to do was give 'em my address, credit card information,

social security number and leave my door unlocked and I won.

You gonna tell him or should I?

You can take this one.

Donnie honey, it's a scam.

Nah, sista. Rent is a scam.

This trip is real.

I gotta get my passport.

You don't have a passport?

No, which is surprising because I've been to Paris.

On the Vegas strip a bunch of times and I never needed it before.

- Mm. - I'm not gonna even acknowledge that you just said that.

Listen, you need to call the credit card company,

and tell 'em to be on alert for identity theft.

I'm not gettin' my identity stolen

cause I stole yo identity.

You think I'm about to give 'em my credit card info and social security number?

What am I an idiot? [Laughter]

- Okay, let me talk to you for a second, brutha. - Tony.

- Tony...What, D, what? - No, he need to. - What, what?

- Hey you don't. - Tony. - Listen,

Uh...got..to..okay.

When are we gonna get that lock on the gate fixed?

[Theme Music]

♪ Woke up and my wife said to me ♪

♪ The bill collectors want their fees ♪

♪ The kids keep talkin' back to me ♪

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time. Family Time

♪Oh oah Family Time

♪ Oah ho ho hoa yeah

[Instrumental Music]

Ooh, "Run Brother Run"!

I haven't seen this show in years.

[Announcer] Today on "Run Brother Run",

A brother stole two fat back televisions

and decided to hope the fence. But the owners of the said TV's are

hot on his tail. Only one thing to do,

"Run brother, run brother, you better run."

Run brother, run!

- [Singing] ♪ Run brother, run - Oah!

"Run Brother Run" is on? It's my favorite show!

Run brutha.

[Whispering] run.

[Audience laughter]

Ugh, they got him.

Hey, what's up, Lisa?

What is up, Donnie? You ever think about knockin' or usin' a doorbell?

A I have. Have you ever thought about

not leavin' your door unlocked in the first place?

I told you I stole yo identity. Anybody could

be comin' through the door.

What?

What do you want, Donnie?

[Audience laughter]

You gonna make me hurt you.

Alright, I'm just jokin'. I've been lookin' for Tone. I gotta tell him somethin'

It's really important and I can't find him anywhere. You seen him?

It's a weekday. Where do you think he is?

His girlfriend's house.

[Audience laughter]

He's at work! Donnie.

Ugh, man.

I gotta. [Sighs] Okay, it can't wait so you just gonna have to be Tony.

I don't take out the trash. I snore loud when I sleep,

and I say hongry instead of hungry.

[Audience laughter]

I don't need to know your personal business.

Anyway, so remember when I told you about my trip, right?

The scam. Yeah.

Not a scam. Anyway, so in order to get my passport I had to get my birth certificate.

And at the bottom of my birth certificate, I saw a man's name.

What man? What name? What? I don't

I'm getting to that, impatient Patty.

So, at the bottom of the birth certificate I saw the name

- Grimmous Green, so I hollered at my ma - Ooh, ooh wait,

[Chuckling] His name was GrimmousGreen?

Okay.

[Laughter]

Sorry that's, continue.

[Audience laughter]

So I saw the name Grimmous Green on his birth certificate and I start talkin' to my mom

and I asked her who was Grimmous Green, and she told me

he's my biological father.

Thought you never knew who your biological father was?

Interrupt me one more time,

and I'm tellin' Tony, Ebony's mine.

[Audience laughter]

Don't get shot...you.

Man, you really don't want this secret to get out. Anyway,

So when I told my mom about this whole thing I could see that it was

troubling her because she was very hesitant about telling me.

Yeah, it's probably hard for her to talk about it.

It shoulda been harder for her to have a baby with a guy named Grimmous.

Sound like he chews out of one side of his mouth and owns a houseboat.

Or a fisherman.

So I wanted to get to know who he was but you know I didn't want to make my mom

feel uncomfortable about talkin' about her past, you know what I mean?

Why don't you look him up online?

Online? You think he pledged a fraternity?

The internet. Donnie, the internet. There can't be too many

Grimmouses out there.

I don't think I can handle that.

Well it's only one way to find out.

[Instrumental Music]

Girl, that what Isaid!

And then I said, "If you're the type of man

that's gonna cheat on your girl with Me

then I'm gonna make it worth your while, okay? Ah hah huh.

Melinda, can you tone down the ratchet a little bit, please and do some work.

I'm a call you back, Mama.

I am workin' Mr. Stallworth.

if he cheat on his girlfriend, she gonna burn down his house.

And he gonna need you to build him a new one.

Oh well in that case, ratch on,then.

[Audience laughter]

Well hello, Teddy.

Oh, salutations Melinda, brother Stallworth.

What's up, Big Ted? You alright? You seem a little nervous.

Of course he gonna be nervous.

You got him workin' at a house the bank just repossessed.

He probably scared the previous owner gonna possess it again.

Why do you think I sent Teddy Rux-penitentiary over there.

A brother like him can get possession back from the re-possessors.

I'm a little lost by this whole exchange, brother Stallworth.

But thanks for the confidence.

Yeah, well thanks for your strength and intimidation that I can manipulate to my will.

[Audience laughter]

Indeed.

So, what's going on, man?

You, you do seem a little nervous, brother. You a you kill somebody?

Wait, wait, don't answer that. I don't wanna become party to it.

If you did I got some people that can get you outa the country

- but you got to tell me now. - Nah, nothin' like that.

However, thanks for the head's up for future reference.

- Brother Stallworth, - Mm.

- So I'm knockin' on the walls in the house, right? - Right.

So I find a gang of money in it.

15 grand!

[In unison] Money!

Where did you find it again?

- Did anyone see you? - Did anybody follow you here?

- Are you single? - Are we the only ones you told about this?

Do you know I have a crush on you?

[Teddy breathes heavily]

The walls.

No.

Not that I know of.

- Yes I am. - Mm.

- Just the two of you. - Hm.

- And I know now, so what's happenin'? - Ah ha well,

Okay, okay, okay, okay, listen now. We have to stay focused.

It's very obvious that the money belongs to somebody.

But not nobody we know, so it don't matter.

Damn Whoopi Gold digger, you get worse every year.

Cash was everything around me, Mr. Stallworth.

Dollar dollar bills, y'all. [Snickering]

Somethin's just not quite sittin' right with me.

I mean do we keep the money?

Or do we turn it in?

[Audience laughter]

What y'all think?

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Huh!

Melinda I thought I told you to check and make sure that door was locked.

I think I unlocked it.

Ah I could go, you want me to lock?

[Audience laughter]

Son, what you do with your personal life is your business..

Just be afraid of the word alimony.

I'm definitely afraid of that word.

Also child support and new step daddy.

Hey, I would be more afraid of her takin' half.

- But that's just me though. - Yeah, that's a good point.

Dad, I need your opinion on somethin'.

Go for it.

Okay now let's say hypothetically

we were to find some money in the walls of an old home.

Think we should keep it or turn it in?

Hypothetically, huh?

Hypothetically my ass.

We found some money.

Ah ah Wedidn't find anything.

Boy, what did I say?

[Audience laughter]

We

Son, luckily for you I have an answer.

I knew I could count on my father to be my moral compass.

How big was the reward when you turned it in?

- It was massive. - Hm.

Cause I kept it.

Ooh, I see you OG.

Ay, Yo' Dad a real one.

No way. Stolen money?

Found money. There's a big difference.

I can't believe my Daddy kept stolen money.

There's that word again.

Found money, Anthony. And you just as guilty as I am.

No I have not decided whether I'll keep it or turn it in.

I'm not talkin' about now. You remember when I took you to Disneyland

for your birthday and you said it was the best birthday you ever had?

Yeah it was. You bought me everything I ever asked for and we

ate more food than we could handle.

Exactly. Found money.

Mickey and Minnie ain't cheap.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

- These are so good. What is this? - Mm.

Piña colada crepes.

- Oah. - They're delicious.

So creative.

Lisa you did such a good job. You could sell these in a store.

- No. - [In unison] Mm hm.

- You think? - These are good. - I think she could.

- Tony? - Mm hm. - Hm?

Ooh hey baby, hey, what's going on over there?

- What'd you put in the fridge?

Nothin'. I stopped by the fish market. Grabbed some clams.

Oah, everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Everything's good.

Mind on my money, money on my mind. What's up with y'all?

Tony you should try one of these piña colada crepes that Lisa made.

- Stay there. I'll come to you. - Okay.

Mm hm. Hmm.

- Delicious. - Good, hm?

Uh, Lisa how many of these piña colada dishes you gonna make though?

Don't matter. You'll eat 'em and like 'em.

What is goin' on with you Tony? Why are you so jumpy?

I ain't jumpy. I don't know what you talkin' about. Ain't nobody jumpy.

Do I look jumpy to you?

You know what Tony, you do.

- You do look a little bit on edge just a - Ain't nobody jumpy.

- Hah hey. - Oh, oh.

- Listen here brother um,... - Oh,

I'm a need you not to just walk up into my house like that, alright?

That's how people get shot!

Hey man, you know they got ointments for that.

Yo Lisa, update. So I found my biological father.

And it turns out, believe it or not, he actually doesn't live far from here.

I'm sorry you don't, you don't know who your biological father is!

[Laughter]

Ow.

[Audience laughter]

More importantly Lisa a how do you know?

- Well about Devin, - Shut up, Donnie.

Tony, Donnie came over looking for you earlier but you weren't

here so he just talked to me instead.

Wow, that's interesting. Well what's his name?

Grimmous Green.

[Laughter] - Oh.

-Grimmous, - Err,

sounds like he catches catfish with his hands.

[Laughter] Green munchie, aah!

turns out he's a brain surgeon.

[Laughter]

It does get better.

Oh man you shoulda just said he was a math wiz.

Oah.

That's actually a little too on the nose, Tone,

considerin' I'm the math wiz in the family.

- Well...oh, right. - Oh. [Burp]

So like what's the square root of 8900?

94.

Hm.

Okay, what's 65 multiplied by 9?

585.

[Audience laughter]

How much money do you owe me?

27 thousand dollars and 23 cents.

Oh, when are you gonna pay it back?

Guys, focus on what's important here, okay?

Findin' my father.

And after I find him, what do I do next?

Just tell us everything you know so far.

- Mm hm. That's a good idea. - [Exhales] Okay, um

- Well it all started when my mom ran away to the circus. - Oh.

And then from that point...

- And that's pretty much all I know. - Wow.

One question and I mean this in the most respectful way possible but

how can a brain surgeon have a son who doesn't have a brain?

I'm askin'.

Wow Donnie, this really must be trippin' you out.

- Mm. - How do you feel about it?

I feel numb, like I don't know how to feel.

The more I think about it the more I feel I should just leave it alone.

I mean I haven't had him this long so I can't miss what I never had.

I don't know Donnie, really see I, I think maybe you should reach out.

Yeah, I can't imagine not having my father in my life, Donnie.

So if you have a chance, I'd say go for it.

- Yeah Donnie, you should do it. - You know what though?

What if your dad hates you and that's why he left and then

now he's just mad that you even looked him up.

You are such a burst of positive energy, Cheryl.

- What would we do without you? - I'm just being helpful.

Well, is that all you have? His address.

Well, no more than that. I know that he has a whole new family.

A he remarried, got divorced. Has two sons, two daughters.

- Wow. - Oah.

You must really need a drink or somethin' after all that.

We have some in the fridge. You want...

- want a beers? - Actually we have really cold beers in the man cave.

I'll go grab you one. Lisa, can I talk to you in the other room for a second, please?

How many of y'all does it take to get me a beer? What is it a keg?

Yeah Tony, do the both of us really need to get him a beer?

Eh huh, actually I have 15 thousand reasons why we should talk.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Okay, so what are you gonna do?

I guess I'm gonna call and make an appointment to get my brain checked out.

Oh I think they call that a CT scan.

- Is your father a doctor? I don't, I don't know. - No.

[Donnie exhales]

Hey, my name is Donald McDonald. I am calling

to get my brain examined by Dr. Green.

Tomorrow? That sounds perfect to me.

Um yeah. The number is 334

426.

Alright, see you tomorrow. Thank you.

That number sounds familiar.

It should. It's your insurance card number.

Look, brain tests ain't cheap.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Alright Mr. McDonald,

got your scans back here and

Mm now let me ask you a couple questions.

Have you ever played any high-impact sports or

taken a lot of injuries to the head?

No but I was raised by a single mother who had two jobs.

Huh, she did not have a lot of patience.

Why do you ask?

Well lookin' at these scans, you've taken a lot of head trauma through the years.

A no but my mom always said I was hard-headed.

- Your mama said that, huh? - Yeah.

Ah,

well Donnie let me ask you another question, alright?

How's Renee doing these days?

Wow wow, you know who I am?

Of course I know who you are.

You look just like my father when he was your age.

Your grandfather.

- My grandfather? - That's right.

Is he a Doctor too? Does he have money?

No, doesn't have money.

Wait a minute, if you're my dad, why are you light-skinned?

[Audience laughter]

- Genes, know what I'm sayin'? - Am I Creole, now?

No you, you're real, not Creole.

Well look a eh, if you knew who I was this whole time, why did

why didn't you ever reach out to me?

I made a lot of bad decisions back in the day

and I made a lot of mistakes in my life.

I was a young, scared 18-year old kid

with my whole life ahead of me but I didn't know what direction I was takin'.

[Sigh] I wasn't ready to live up to those type of life responsibilities

and I damn sure couldn't face up to the disappointment

of knowing that I couldn't give you the life that you deserve, Donnie.

Right. So you just decided to leave my mom's hangin' and

put yourself through Med school, right?

- Heh, that's real manly. - Well first of all,

the military put me through Med school.

Did the military teach you to be all you could be?

Cause they sure as hell taught you how to march out of my life.

Well the military taught me how to be a man.

Good for you. Aw that's incredible. Unfortunately,

I had to learn myself how to be a man.

[Sighs] You know what man,

I just wanted to see who you were and

- now I know. - Woa, woa, woa, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Donnie.

I always knew that the hardest thing in my life was

gonna be the day that I had to face you.

Knowin' that I took away the best experience that you could ever have in your life.

The experience of havin' a father.

I mean after all you know,

it takes a father to teach you how to be a man. Isn't that right?

- Come on. - A it's not right. And I did have a father,

it's just name was Carl Winslow and he's on Family Matters.

[Audience laughter]

But, I can agree with you there.

My mom did a pretty damn good job teachin' me all that she knew.

Yes she did. She did a damn good job.

I did have a lot of uncles though.

Look Donnie, if you don't ever want to see me again in life,

I, I understand that. I totally understand that.

I am sorry.

And if you can just give me another chance,

I would love to be in your life,

get to know you better.

Come on, man.

Son.

I don't know, man.

Can I get some? Come on, man. Come on.

- It's worth a try, man. - Yeah.

[Audience Aww's.]

- I just got one question. - What's that?

Can you knock somethin' off this bill for me?

[Laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Brother Stallworth,

[Audience laughter]

Teddy, what the hell are you doin' in here, man? And ha how'd you get in?

I'm a man of many talents, brother Stallworth.

Better question is, what did you do with all that guap-o-lay?

A the money. That's why you're here so early.

A can you back up and give me a Green Mile, Michael Clark Chunkin'?

Please. Thank you. Now listen,

What I do with my money is my business.

Well technically, I found it.

Now I did the right thing by bringin' it to you.

I figured if you decided to keep it, we'd cut it up 50/50.

Okay well that ain't gonna happen.

Wow, like that brother Stallworth.

I decided to turn it in.

[Audience laughter]

You good. Don't...

I had Melinda make the drop-off and bring me the receipt for the cash.

She probably on the way to the border right now with all that cheese, brother Stallworth!

As hood as she is, I know I can always trust Melinda.

Got that right.

Move!

Now I was gonna head down to the border but then my gas light came on so

- Here you go, Mr. Stallworth. - Oh. - What is this?

- It's your reward money. - Whaaat? How much is it?

1500.

10 hundred dollar bills, 10 big-faced 20's and 300 1's.

Well you know what, Teddy? For your honesty, here's 500.

Oooh. Hey man, let me get them 1's

and them big-faced 20's. I might wanna make it rain later.

[Clears throat] Excuse me?

- Um nah I was sayin' I'm a go to church and... - Shut up!

Hey Melinda here is 500 for you.

I get a cut. Oh, for what?

For not hittin' that border.

Oh Mr. Stallworth, you ain't have to do that.

Oh you can give it back then?

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

- Hey Mr. Stallworth! - Hey.

Look who made the front page of the paper.

What you talkin' about?

Look, right here.

Oah look at that, they got a brother's good side.

[Audience laughter]

No, they got your face.

Give me the damn paper.

Nope.

Give me the paper.

Uh mm.

You know what? You right. You hold onto it. You're gonna need somethin' to read

down at the unemployment office.

[Audience laughter]

Mm. Local businessman Tony Stallworth does the right thing by turning in found money.

Stallworth receives a 20% reward of the recovered 15 thou-- woa, woa, woa, woa.

20%!

Melinda I thought you said,

Melinda! Melin-- you...

What'd you...

[Instrumental Music]

Up, there he is. Right on time.

It's in the microwave, Donnie.

- Ah, thanks honey.

[Audience laughter]

You wanna chew your food or sip it through a straw?

So, how did it go with your dad?

[Exhales] I met him.

Did he look like you?

In some ways. He kinda looked like an 80's R&B singer.

So, what happened? Did you cry?

I did not cry.

- He cried. - I didn't cry.

- You cried. - I didn't cry.

- Boy, you cried. - I cried.

I knew. [Laughter]

I cried but I cried like Denzel, not Viola.

[Laughter]

But when it comes to my father, we got a lot of catchin' up to do.

Mm.

Speakin of ketchup um, can you pass some?

This meat look dry as hell.

Huh, what is this, turkey jerky?

Grab me the knife, Tony.

- I'm just sayin', you know what? - The big knife.

I will eat this outside cause I heard it's supposed to rain.

So I think the water will moisten this dry-ass food.

You know what... Donnie?

- I'm gettin' ready. - Yeah, you better.

[Angry studdering]

Donnie!

[Instrumental Music]