All language subtitles for Family.Time.S06E05.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

[Instrumental Music]

What is that noise? That better
not be Ebony down there burning
her edges again.

Thought you were gonna teach
that girl how to do her hair.

It's not the smoke detecter,
Tony. It sounds like it's coming
from outside.

Good, cause if that was those
bad ass tricker treaters,

leavin' a burnin' bag of boo boo
on my porch, all hell is gonna
break loose.

[Audience laughter]

No, trick or treaters don't come
until tonight. It's still
morning.

What the hell was it then?

Wait a minute. What are those
big trucks doin' out there?

We didn't forget to pay the car
note again, did we?

No. No it, oh.

Looks like new neighbors are
movin' in.

Hmm. They musta caught hell
gettin' them squatters outa
there.

They're probably gonna need some
renovations.

Stallworth construction to the
rescue.

Tony you are always thinkin'
about business.

Cause you're always thinkin'
about spendin' money.

Shut up.

Aww, I'm really gonna miss our
old neighbors.

Who, them squatters or the
Jacksons, them old hippies who
used to live there?

Yeah, the Jacksons. They used to
bake us those

cakes and the brownies and the
pies, remember?

Yeah I'm surprised you do. Last
time you had one of those
brownies,

you put on a mustache and
insisted I call you Cheech.

[Audience laughter]
I did?

Yes.

Looh, and let's not forget, they
also used to offer Devin and
Ebony Kool-aid.

Yeah. Well it was a nice
gesture.

A little racist but you know,
still nice.

I have a good feeling about our
neighbors. Maybe their doctors.

Ooh, I hope not.

I am not tryin' to get a
physical from my husband and

then invite him into my
man-cave.

What you think this is, Prostate
and Chill?

[Laughter]

Oah, maybe they have little
kids. Devin and Ebony can have
play dates with them.

Ah Lisa, Devin and Ebony are
almost grown.

Devin plays too much and Ebony
ain't datin' until she's at
least thirty...

five.

Well I mean I hope we can at
least can get along with them. I
just

pray they don't bring bed bugs
and roaches into the
neighborhood.

Too late. Rachel and Lori are
already here.

[Audience laughter]

[Theme Music]

♪ Woke up and my wife
said to me ♪

♪ The bill collector's want
their fees ♪

♪ The kids keep talkin'
back to me ♪

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time

♪ Family Time

♪ Oah ho ho hoa yeah

[Instrumental Music]

Too too too too too too.

Ebony, just the debutante I've
been wanting to see.

Okay question, what do you have
on here?

It is Halloween. This is my
costume.

Yeah, don't you think it's a
little mature.

I don't think your dad is gonna
approve.

He'll be fine.

Mmm, I'm gonna need you to take
that dress off.

Try on my old debutante dress.

Mom, the debutante ball isn't
until next week.

I have plenty of time to play
dress up.

Plus, Dominique's coming by and
we're heading to this Halloween
party.

It's gonna be litty.

But it's so beautiful.

A timeless white gown never goes
out of style.

Mom it has to be Instyle first.

What?

But it looks just like the dress
from your favorite store,
Forever Eighteen.

More like Forever One Hundred
and Eighteen, Mom.

I'm not trying to look like
Carrie on her prom night.

- But Ebony come on, this is.
- Can we...

please talk about this later. I
have to pick up my wig.

Ooh.

[Audience laughter]

Fine.

[Lisa] Tssh.

A Lisa, why does it look like a
1980's quinceañera puked on my
couch?

It's my old debutante stuff. I
was hoping Ebony would wear it

to her ball next week.

Mm.

Okay and what the hell does she
have on now?

It's called a costume, Dad. I'm
Dorothy from The Wiz.

I Wiz you would.

You better click your heels 3
times together and poof into
somethin' else.

[Audience laughter]

Go on! What's wrong with her?

I'm not trying to have no little
munchkins runnin'

- around here.
- Tell me about it.
[Doorbell rings]

- Hm.
- Tell me though.

- Say somethin' back.

The Wiz?

Huh, she's a trip.

- Oah.
- Wheh, wheh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Ooh.

Aah, hello?

[Spooky voice] Good evening.

[Audience laughter]

A little early for
trick-or-treaters, don't you
think?

Whah, what are you guys dressed
up as?

Well I'm wearing a contemporary
gown from my collection of the

regalia.

And this fine haberdashery is
imported from the Isles of

the Seychelles.

- Hmm.
- I'm confused.

They dress like this every day.

[Audience laughter]

I am Francisco.

This is my wife, Victoria.

My son Theodore, and my daughter
Alexandria.

And we

are the Blacks.

Hmm. What a coincidence. So are
we.

[Lisa] Eeh.

[Francisco laughs maniacally]

Ni, nice to meet you. We're Tony
and Lisa Stallworth here.

What can we do for you?

Well we came here to make a
formal introduction.

[Mumbling]

And to ask for a favor.

Up, way ahead of you. I'm sure
those squatters left your house
a mess.

You probably want to redo the
floors, the cabinets.

Might as well get a whole new
kitchen.

Stallworth Construction at your
service.

[Audience laughter]

Well, I have noticed that the
previous occupants of our
current domicile

did not maintain the proper
maintenance of the greenery on
our veranda.

Say what?

The hedges in our front yard
need to be trimmed.

[Audience laughter]

Would you happen to have the
proper instrument to

prune the soaring greenery of
our courtyard?

Say what?

Can you lend us some hedge
clippers?

Oah oah right right, yes. I'm
sure you guys wanna get rid of
those

funny little flowers that them
hippies left.

Um, I've got some hedge clippers
in the garage. I'll bring 'em
over in a little bit.

Thank you so much kind sir.

We will be awaiting your
arrival.

[Audience laughter]

What the hell was that?

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

Ooh, perfection. You look
absolutely beautiful.

I look like the end of a toilet
paper roll.

Uh, but it's 2 ply,

the good kind.

I remember my debutante

ball like it was yesterday.

My hair was on fleek.

I had the most beautiful gown in
the room

and the finest boy in the
neighborhood,

Jaleel Jenkins asked Me

to be my escort.

Are you sure you weren't
Hisescort?

[Audience laughter]

Shut up. You just mad cause you
couldn't escort a debutante

How you doin'?

[Audience laughter]

You are going to loveyour
debutante ball.

It's a once in a lifetime
opportunity to get treated like
a princess the whole day.

I can't wait, Mom.

[Laughter]

Ah, Halloween was yesterday.

Why y'all dressed like ball
players?

Steph Curry Goat and Dray-man
Green.

[Audience laughter]

And why are you dressed up like
ASAP Stocky?

[Audience laughter]

Hey baby girl, why you got on a
wedding dress?

You ain't gettin' married no
time soon.

Matter of fact, not ever.

Right dad, shouldn't I go
change?

Baby I'm just kidding. You're
gonna look very pretty for your

debutante ball.

And so I think those new
neighbors the Blacks,

they're gonna need a new fence
pretty soon by Stallworth
construction.

There is nothing wrong with that
fence, Tony.

Are you kidding me? All the
holes in it, looks like your
sister's

been gnawing on 'em all year.

[Audience laughter]

Stop. You're probably
overreacting.

No, I'm not. I'm tryin' to get
us paid. Look, check it out.

Let's see this face.

[Sighs]

What's wrong, Ebony?

This whole debutante stuff just
isn't for me.

Oah. I'm right there with you,
baby girl.

m I wasn't crazy about 'em
myself when I was your age.

I never really enjoyed being a
girly girl back then.

- Yeah, you just enjoyed havin'
all the...
- Okay ladies!

Can you please?

My mom is really passionate
about this whole debutante stuff
and I'm not.

How do I tell her that without
hurting her feelings?

- Mmm
- Mmm hm, honey.

- Ah,
- The debutante ball has been

a family tradition for
generations

and generations. It's just been
a long time.

Since the slaves?

Oh, no. It doesn't go back that
far. Um, what she's

trying to say is that

um there's really no easy way to
let your mom down.

I mean she's gonna be upset so

- you just gonna have to fake it
the way Lori does...
- Can you please?

I'm 16.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Yeah, now she's gettin' you to
buy that fake stuff.

Now they gonna have to replace
all them gutters.

And they could use some
double-paned windows too.

- Tony!
- Uap.

[Audience laughter]

Cheryl, what the hell you doin'
in my backyard?

Well I came over to help Ebony
with the debutante ball,

but I think the better question
is...

were you just being a peeping
Tony?

What!

Mm. Lisa's not enough for you,
huh? You have to

spy on Francisco's wife
Victoria, too?

Cheryl, hell no. I was just
tryin' to catch my neighbors in
the act.

Oah in the act, of what?

Hm, you know what, let me not
judge. My ex husband had the
same fetish.

Oah Cheryl, knock it off.

Look, I know what my neighbors
are up to.

They're takin' bids from other
contractors,

so I'm takin' notes on the work
that they need to get done

so I can undercut the
competition.

Tony that's smart. Taking
advantage of the new neighbors.

So now you're thinkin'.

You know what?

They might need my even planning
services as well.

I'm gonna bring them a brochure
later.

Oah shhh shhh shhh, look at
this.

See? See?

Now they're bringing in a big
old rolled up carpet out of a
huge van. Oah,

man those traitors!

I was gonna cut them a hell of
deal too.

You would think the Blacks would
look out for a black-owned
business.

No, no, no. They seemed uppity
and weird when I met them this
morning.

- You met 'em?
- I did.

They was bougie as hell, wadn't
they?

Exactly! Bougie, that's the
word.

- You know what else I found
out?
- Hmm?

They prefer pumpkin pie

to sweet potato pie. Which is

you know, enough said.

And also, they did want to
borrow my hatchet.

Hm.

Oah, wow, wow. What the hell do
you have a hatchet for?

Doesn't everyone? I mean it's
not like I use it to cut up
bodies or anything.

You sure your husband left you
or is he an unsolved mystery.

[Audience laughter]

Wah wah wait. Look at this. Look
at this.

See, see, see? Now that carpet
that has

a lot of lumps in it that
they're takin' out is stained
with somethin'.

- Take a look.
- Aah.

- Mm hm.
- I don't see anything, Tony.

- Huh. Oah.
- Zoom in.

How do you? Where did they go?

- Good evening Tony's.
- Oah!

[Cheryl awkwardly laughs]
Is there something in
particular you were

looking for, hmm?

Ah look Cheryl,

Yeah I'm here for something
else.

Lisa? Lisa?

Um, would you be interested in
joining the neighborhood watch?

Oh that's what you're doin',
watchin' your neighbors?

Yep, yep, just, just watchin'
the neighborhood. That's it.

[Instrumental Music]

Ooh this is going to be

per oh perfect timing. Hey baby,
question.

What do you think about a tiara?

Some girls like it. Some girls
don't.

Um, I think I'm a part of the
group that doesn't.

Okay, well that's fine. You know
what? We can just do a necklace.

A nice, classy necklace.

Maybe some pearls. Yes.

This isn't really my style.

No? Okay, you know what? I
agree.

I didn't like pearls either. My
mother always made me wear 'em.
She was

so pushy.

Mom, this isn't working.

What? Oh that's fine.

You know I could just get you
some earrings.

- Some really...
- Okay, no Mom. This whole
debutante ball. I just...

can't get into it. It's not for
me.

I'm really sorry.

What do you mean Ebony? I
thought you liked it.

Huh, I only told you that
because I didn't want to hurt
your feelings.

Well, are you sure you wanna
break the tradition?

This has been going on for
years.

Look, if I did go through with
it, it wouldn't be sincere.

And I don't want to waste your
time and money on something I
don't really enjoy.

Oah

m'kay. I see.

But, maybe we can start a new
tradition like

shopping sprees every Saturday?

[Audience laughter]

Mm, very funny Ebony.

Little jokester. You know, if
you didn't want to do it you
could've just told me.

I would've understood.

Mom, you woulda put me up for
adoption.

You know what? Yeah, you're
probably right.

[Audience laughter]
Mm.

Well, I should get back to
studying.

Yeah.

[Door closes]

Lisa, come take a look.

Come here.

Tony, why are you dressed like
G.I. Joe Jackson?

[Audience laughter]

Very funny. But for your own
information, it's for your own
protection. Now come here.

Are you still tryin' to hustle
the neighbors for some business?

No, no, no. Forget all that. I
saw them doin' somethin'
extremely

suspicious. Take a look out the
window.

What, what?

- Okay eh what type of neighbors
do you know
- What are you talkin' about?

borrow a hatchet, hedge
clippers, and hate sweet potato
pie?

Neighbors who are normal and
wanna keep their yard nice,
Tony.

They're just I do have to admit
though,

the sweet potato thing is kinda
odd.

- Ya think?
- Yeah.

And if you look a little closer,
you'll see that suspicious
behavior I was talkin' about.

What suspicious behavior, Tony?
They're just

planting something.

Or burying something, and
personally I think it's burying.

- I'm tellin' ya, I got some
real dirt on them.
- You're ridiculous Tony.

They are not burying Oah Hoah!
Ooh, Oh my gosh, Tony.

Why are they lowering that box

into the ground, Tony? What's in
the box?

- What's in the BOX?
- That's what I've been tryin'
to tell you.

[Stammering] The hippies moved
out and the Mansons done moved
in.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

I can't believe our new
neighbors done killed somebody?

Okay Tony, stop it. We really
need to just calm down.

Okay, I'm sure there is a
rational explanation for all of
this.

Why else would they be buryin''
a big ass box in they backyard?

I don't know. Maybe they're just
tryin' to hide a spare key

just in case they get locked
outa the house.

Six feet under, Lisa? That'd
have to be a big ass key.

[Audience laughter]

I'm callin' Cheryl. She was with
me when I was spyin' on 'em.

Really Tony, you got Cheryl all
wrapped up in this conspiracy
theory too?

I sure do.

And for once I'm glad that she
barged into our backyard
unannounced

cause now I have another
witness. Them blacks are
strange, Lisa.

They, they always wear black.
They wear sunglasses at night,

and they smell like embalming
fluid.

How do you know what embalming
fluid smells like?

Cause your sisters look like the
walking dead.

[Audience laughter]

Never mind on that.

Ooh ooh ooh. [Clears throat]

[Cheryl] Hey.

Hey Cheryl, it's Tony.

Look out your window right now.
Them Blacks done killed somebody

and they buryin' them in the
backyard.

[Cheryl on Phone] That
sounds great.

What is wrong with you, woman?

Look outside your...

Just kidding it's my voicemail
this time. Fooled ya.

Leave a message after the beep.
Toot-a-loo.
[Beep]

Dammit Cheryl.

She gets me with that every
single time.

Well why would her phone be dead
in the middle of the day

[Squealing] unless she's dead?

They done killed Cheryl!

Tony stop it. You sound crazy.

Do I? Do I? Do I?!

[Audience laughter]

They killed her with my hedge
clippers,

chopped her up with her own
hatchet, and now they gonna
leave her skinny

little red bones down in the
dirt to rot.

Oh come on now, Tony. Why would
they do something like that?

I don't know? Why Whoopi
Goldberg ain't got no eyebrows?

She really doesn't huh?

I'm callin' the police. They
ain't gonna come up in here and
chop me up.

Yeah.

[Instrumental Music]

Hey.

Hey Lisa, Lisa and the cold ham.

- Hey.
- Hello
- Girl, I told you about that.

[Laughter]

So Lisa, I just found the
perfect bracelet

for Ebony's debutante ball.

- Whose casket did you steal it
from?
- Your mama?

My mama is your mama, fool.

Well that's very very
questionable considering

we consider you the Khloe of the
family.

Oh well I know you don't think
you Kim.

- Oh, well who else would I be?
- Okay, let's...

- Oh no honey cause Kim is
- Okay, well maybe I'll...
- Stop it.

- give her Kim.
- Okay.
- Can you stop it?

- No problem.
- Ebony's not even going to the
debutante ball anymore.

What? How come?

I don't know. I mean she said
it's just not for her.

- Mm.
- Can you believe it?

All these years of tradition
just

ends right now. Shocking, huh?

Um well...

not, not quite.

Well what do, what do you mean,
not quite?

Well

she did express to us that she
wasn't too thrilled about

the idea of the debutante ball.

Yeah and I mean I can't say I
blame her.

I only did it back in the day to
make mama happy.

You mean to tell me you two knew
about this and you didn't tell
me?

Come on, honey.

I mean the writing was on the
wall.

That baby's been miserable.

Yeah I mean you can't be this
oblivious

all the time, Lisa.

- Look, it's not oblivious.
- Oah, oah, oah, oah oah oah.

- Oah oah so now
- Love you...

- but you be actin' like you
don't know what's goin' on.
[Overlapping chatter]

I don't know.

Hey, stop it!

So I know you guys are probably
arguing about me.

So I guess it's the right time
to tell you that

I'm actually going to the
debutante ball.

- Huh?
- What?
- What?!

What made you change your mind?

Well I found out that the star
quarterback of my school

Elijah Thomas, wanted to be my
escort.

- Oah star quarterback!
- Yeah!

[Overlapping excitement]

- I'm so happy for you!
- Move out the way.

Oah.

Like niece, like auntie

Oah baby you go get him. I can
just see you two

now the flyest couple at the
ball.

But let me just share a little
piece of advise.

You make sure he treats you
right.

Yeah and if he tries to make you
pull a Colin Kaepernick and take
a knee,

you stay standin' wit your fist
in the air. You feel me?

Alright, okay, so that's great.
That's enough of the advice now.
Ah Ebony,

we have to make sure that you
look like a princess.

And mark my words, a timeless
white gown...

- never goes out of style.
- Not happening. No, not
happening.

Okay well, you know you can just

- go shopping with your aunts at
Forever Eighteen.
- Forever Eighteen!

Oah this day can't get any
better.

Like a shopping spree?

Well I mean you have to look
flawless at your debutante ball.

You're the best, Mom.

- Yeah, I'm gonna pick up a
couple things for myself too.
- Thanks.

Auntie go that. Thank you, sis.

- You know what?
- You know I still fit those
clothes...

- ...in Forever Eighteen.
- You never fit the clothes
okay.

Okay Ebony,

- I can fit them.
- ...in Forever Eighteen. I'm
sorry.

- Love you baby. Can I just, can
I get a hug?
- Uh huh. Heck yeah.

Okay, well. [Sighs]

Lisa, remember when I called the
police last night?

Yeah. Are they still
investigating?

Hell no. They showed up. Stayed
for a couple minutes and then
left like nothin' was wrong.

Maybe because they didn't do
anything wrong, Tony. You ever
think about that?

Yeah well then what about the
disappearance of Cheryl?

The disappearance of Cheryl? I
just got your voicemail to come
over

and now I'm supposed to
disappear?

For future reference, this is
why I keep a hatchet.

A Cheryl, get back here.

We thought you were dead.

Why would you think that?

Because I called you all day and
you didn't answer.

The only thing dead was my cell
phone, Tony. My charger broke.

Well how come you didn't answer
when I knocked on the door?

Oah, Saturday night?

You know that's my salsa night
con Jose.

AÅaoh! Don't you notice,

Blacks burying something strange
in their backyard before I left
though.

- We saw it too.
- You saw this?

Yes, and Tony thought it was you
in that box.

Oh please, I would never be
buried in anything that busted.

My casket is gonna be shiny and
pink

and rhinestones with my face on
it

and don't forget, Debbie Allen,
she has to choreograph the
pallbearers

and Barbara Streisand's gonna
lower me down.

Oaky, okay, okay, now can we
stop talkin' about death,
please?

It's good though, right?

Look somebody was in that box,
and I'm gonna find out who.
[Doorbell rings]

Good evening.

[Audience laughter]

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]

Well if it isn't the Blacks.

Come to dispose of the
witnesses?

- Pardon?
- What he meant to say...

was how are you adjusting to the
neighborhood?

Not well. Not well at all.

May we come in for a word?

Actually we were just in the
middle of some housework so
now's not really a good...

Oh no, no, no. Please come in.
Come in. What's going on?

[Laughter]

Unfortunately, law enforcement
was summoned to our current
establishment

accompanied by a plethora of
weapondry.

[Audience laughter]

Excuse me?

The po po showed up at our house
with a whole bunch of guns.

[Audience laughter]

And I am completely baffled as
to why this occurrence happened.

Would you have any idea?

- Me, ah ah.
- Okay, so what happened is...

they think that you killed me.

[Stammering] What? Oh see, no,
no. Cheryl meant to say

- This is what...
- We thought y'all buried her.
- Right.

[Audience laughter]

Why on earth would we do
somethin' as disastrous as that?

Oh knock it off with the proper
talk, already.

Why were y'all buryin' that big
ass box in your backyard?

Yeah. Oh.

- Hm.
- Well if you must know...

Our beloved Ophelia has perished
in the dark abyss

therefore it was our duty to
entomb her

[Audience laughter]

Excuse me?

Our cat Ophelia died and we
buried her in the backyard.

God rest her soul.

[Audience laughter]

[Collectively] Meow.

Okay, that still doesn't explain
why y'all had that big ass box.

It was a big ass cat.

I, I, I mean I am so sorry to
hear that. Was she neutered?

Cheryl. [Mumbling under breath]

No, it's fine. It's fine.

We all have an expiration date
in life.

[Audience laughter]

Is there anything that we can do
to make it up to you?

Well there is one more thing.

My family is the sole proprietor
of a bereavement service.

And we would be so honored

if you would use our business

at the right time.

- Huh?
- What?

We're morticians. We own the
Black Family Mortuary.

Just make sure if someone dies,

you call us to handle the
arrangements.

Okay, okay, okay, do you do like
a neighborly discount

cause I have been dying to get a
pink, shiny

casket like shaped just like me

and when Barbara Streisand sings
I pop out!

- We know.
- We know, Cheryl .

They don't know.

[Instrumental Music]

[Instrumental Music]