Original subtitles

[Instrumental music]

A half-a-million dollars they win on a lottery ticket, and they

still buying one-ply napkins. Can you believe that?

Mm. Hm? Mm.

What's wrong with you, Lisa? You look tired.

Oh, no. I'm just thinking about Thanksgiving, actually.

And I'm kinda tired of doing the same thing over and over and over.

Can we just do something different this year?

What you think?

Hi Babe.

Oh, hey.

I see you already picked up the ham and the turkey.

Okay, Tony. Don't start up with them. They're not bothering you.

Naw, naw, naw it's okay, Lisa.

Looks like he already ate the ham and the turkey.

Yeah, Stuff Daddy. You ready for Thanksgiving?

I'm sorry I couldn't hear you, all I heard was bock, bock, bock, bock, bock, begowwwwk.

You know what, I'm sorry Lisa, but I am not

going to be able to attend Thanksgiving Dinner.

What? Why?

Who cares? Thank you, Jesus.

Well, I have just been invited by my new gentleman caller to a

luxurious five-day excursion to Las Vegas.

Honey, we are talking Beluga Caviar and roulette.

Oh, Vegas is where you belong, Snake Eyes.

Whatever, Swollen Powell. Too bad Lisa crapped out when she married you.

About Thanksgiving, I actually have to cancel, too.

What, you have got to be joking.

I wish I was, but I felt like I could use good karma, so I

signed up to help serve at the soup kitchen.

- Good for you, Sweetie. - Yeah.

But if you can, can you just make me a plate and save it?

Oh, absolutely. It'll be in a doggy bowl out back.

How did you teach your jackass to talk?

[Laughing]

Stop it! Enough!

Seriously, neither one of you are going to be here for Thanksgiving dinner?

Yeah. I'm sorry.

It's just one Thanksgiving without us.

Well, it's settled, then. Looks like it will be great

Thanksgiving, without S.W. Weave.

[Gasp]

* Woke up and my wife said to me

* The bill collectors won't let me be

* The kids keep talkin' back to me

* Family time

* Family time, family time, family time

[Instrumental music]

(singing) His name is Tony!

Donnie Loco, what's good in the hood, Baby?

Nothing's good in the hood, Ton.

You should know that. It's not a joking matter.

How much you need to borrow, man? A couple hundred?

How dare you underestimate my needs like that. Can you make it five hundred?

No.

Three hundred?

Nope.

Two fifty?

Let me save you some time.

No, no and no.

[Sighs] I didn't want to have to do this, man, but you leave me no choice.

I need to go over your head and talk to your manager. LISA!

You are something else.

[Phone Ringing]

Hey, Mom.

Yup.

What?

Why?

Yes, I want you and Dad to be happy.

But...

Okay, all right.

I'll let Lisa and the kids know.

Damn it.

What's the matter?

My parents aren't coming to Thanksgiving dinner.

Why not?

Well, they bought a timeshare in San Diego on the beach.

Apparently, there's some senior citizen Hip Hop retreat that

they've been planning to go to for months.

I'll bet they do!

Come on, Tony. You know what's up.

What?

They're swingers, man!

Look, I read in Swiftly Over Sixty magazine that when couples

reach a certain age they start to get bored and they look for

new ways to spice things up.

Thus, swingers.

Get out.

All right, man. Maybe I went a little overboard with the swinger's thing.

Yeah, exactly. If my parents said that they are going to a

Hip Hop Senior Citizen Retreat, that's exactly what they're doing.

Can your Dad still pop lock?

I know he better not try.

Last time he almost popped a vertebra.

Pop lock, messed up vertebrae, maybe the Johansson's can tell you what's really going on.

Who?

The neighbors they're swinging with!

Get the hell out of my house.

And don't show up for Thanksgiving dinner empty handed like you always do.

Oh, man. Um, about that.

I actually won't be able to make it to Thanksgiving dinner this year, man. I'm headed for D.C.

Let me guess, a woman.

Yeah. Ernestine.

Ernestine? How old is she?

Eighty-three.

Oh.

One leg, no teeth and a whole lot of money.

Brother, you are taking this cougar thing to a whole 'nother level.

It's my aunt, man!

[Laughing]

Yeah, we don't know how many Thanksgivings she has left in her.

Plus, my Mom keeps guilting me into coming back home, saying I never attend family functions.

Well, hey, I understand that.

Yeah. Plus, when I get there, I'm going to wait for the President to pardon the turkey.

I'm going to wait outside the White House and I'm going to

catch the turkey, right and I'm going to sell it on eBay.

Man, you have no idea how much a Presidentially Pardoned turkey goes for.

Yeah, you almost had me.

Come on, Tony. Let me hold five hundred.

Man, listen to a little bit of advice. When you get to D.C.,

ok, pardon the turkey, but stuff yourself.

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

[Tony] Yeah, so after Donnie cancelled, I get a call from Todd saying

that him and Vivienne are spending Thanksgiving with my parents.

Wow. It sounds like everybody's cancelling on us, Baby.

Maybe we should cancel Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Whoa, no, no, woman! No, That is ridiculous.

What, Tony? Honestly, it'll save me from a whole bunch of cooking and cleaning.

No, Lisa, we'll be missing out on all of the great Thanksgiving traditions.

Like what, Tony?

Like family time.

And pie.

And turkey and giblets and gravy and pie, and...

Did I say pie, Lisa?

Yes, you did.

Well, what we gonna do because I ain't missing out on no pie.

Maybe we should just ask the kids what they want to do.

Damn that, they don't pay no bills up here, therefore they

don't get any opinions up in here.

Tony, don't be like that. You know your kids and you know how they are about the holidays.

All right, fine. I'll see what they have to say.

Kids! Come on down here!

What's up, Dad? I just got to a new level of Battlefield Of Duty.

Yeah, and I just found the perfect lighting in the bathroom for my new selfie app.

Do y'all ever go outside anymore?

Listen, we need to have a family meeting.

Oh no. Mom, how many months are you?

Boy, I am not pregnant!

If this is about Devin's browsing history, I please the Fifth.

Oh for real? So you're just going to throw me under the bus?

Will y'all just shut up and listen?

Now, we're thinking about doing something different for Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Like what?

Like not having it.

What?

No, no.

We're going to miss out on all the good Thanksgiving traditions.

Preach, boy, preach.

Like, like pie. And turkey. And gravy and mashed potatoes and pie.

Dad, did I say pie?

Yes, you did, son.

Yeah well, at least we know the apple pie doesn't fall too far from the tree.

The only thing I don't like about Thanksgiving is having to

wash a million dishes every year with Mom.

Yup and I hate finding the macaroni residue on them dishes.

I know you are not talking...

[Yelling simultaneously]

That's enough!

That is enough. Now we were nice enough to bring you two into this decision-making process.

Yeah, like we were nice enough to bring you into this world.

Okay, so what's this all about?

Everybody's been canceling on us for Thanksgiving, including

your grandparents, who bought a timeshare in San Diego.

Why don't we just go there?

Cause I ain't trying to see your grandparents dropping

and popping it like it's hot at some beach party.

I feel ya, Pops. Plus, Devin don't do the beach.

You know unless his bi's and his tri's are right.

I guess that won't be happening any time soon.

Oh, you know I have a really good idea.

We can do an intimate dinner this year. Who needs a turkey?

I can make a kale salad, some vegan biscuits, some gluten-free gravy, a tofu turkey.

Yeah...

No!

I'd rather see Grandma dropping it like it's hot.

Yeah, Mom. That's too much work.

Plus, last time I ate all that stuff I left a green ring around the bowl.

Okay, well you know what? It does not makes any sense

for me to be slaving over a hot stove when it only going to be the four of us.

So, what are you trying to say, Mom?

I'm saying that you can invite some friends. Tony, invite some clients,

but if we don't have any confirmed guests, our

traditional Thanksgiving is cancelled.

[Gasps]

[Instrumental music]

Whoa! Get that cut, Baby Boy!

What's up, fellas?

- Yes sir, yes, sir, yes sir, yes sir. - What up, 'Ton?

Mind if I sit?

My man, Tony.

What's happenin' baby?

Hey, man I see Thanksgiving's coming right up, Dog, you know.

And I know y'all Stallworth's, y'all bout to do it big.

You know how we do.

[Chuckling] Actually Tony, I really don't know cause I, I ain't never had no invite.

What are you talking about? You were there last year.

Oh, I was there. But I didn't get no invite. I had to crash.

Okay, well you are officially invited this year, okay.

As a matter of fact, bring whoever you want because our list is kinda light.

Oh, so since your list's light now all of a sudden, I got an invite.

Stop acting like you got other options, man. I'll see you Thursday.

Hm. Well, I got options. Huh. I got options, Ton'.

Like what?

Well you know, I got a new little lady friend. So, you know

me and her we plan on doing our thing.

I feel ya big player, but bring her, too.

Ah naw, no. She like to cook. She make this homemade cranberry sauce.

We like to put that on everything.

If you know what I mean.

Hey, Happy Holidays!

Yo, Donnie.

Rodney, just the man I wanted to see.

Is he the only person you see?

Rodney, would you please tell Tony that I see him but I'm not

acknowledging him until he gets a bit more generous.

Man, I don't want no part of none of that now. You don't

never come in looking for me. What do you want?

Well, you know I'm always on a caper to get that paper.

Now I have a business proposal for you.

Donnie, would you just give up these dreams of going to D.C., man?

Why don't you just come to my house and have dinner with us?

Because I have my own family that I want to spend Thanksgiving with, okay?

Now like I was SAYING!

Rodney, how would I interest you in some

brand new, top of the line, edge up clippers?

Okay, hold on let me see what you got there young fella, okay.

Wait a minute now, wait a minute now, hold on. Donnie, now.

These are top of the line, but this is not brand new.

Well, they new to you.

Okay, you got a point. Okay.

Perfect balance.

Yup!

All right.

You know, freshly oiled up.

Yup.

Oh, oh, sharp. Sharp. Boy.

Yeah, like a Samurai sword.

All right, man. Got a little R on it.

Yeah!

Like I put on all mine.

Yeah, well you know the R is just for like "real".

These are my clippers, Donnie!

You borrowed my clippers like three months ago and never brought them back.

Now you're going to sell 'em to... nah.

You can't prove that! Look, just give me twenty-five dollars for 'em, man.

I'm trying to make it to D.C.!

Tony, tell him.

Oh, oh, you're speaking to me now?

As a matter of fact, I am.

How can I interest you in a brand-new picture frame, huh?

What?

Family already included.

What? Donnie, what are you doing with a picture of me and my family?

Because you got the picture-perfect African American family. Just like the Obama's.

You know what y'all should do? Frame modeling. All of y'all are just frame models, man.

I'll tell you what. I will sell this to you for seventy-five dollars.

Man, I am not fixing to buy a picture of my own family.

Okay, tell you what. Buy the frame for seventy-five and the picture is complimentary, huh?

And if you act now, I got operators standing by.

If you don't give me my photo.

Rodney, how many customers you got?

Oh man, I'm hanging out for you, man. You must be going to the Eddie Levert concert tonight.

No, this is my normal thing right here.

Hey, hey brother. Uh what you doing on Thursday? How would you

like to come have dinner with me and my family?

No disrespect brother, but I don't even know you.

Is, is that a yes then?

All right.

[Instrumental music]

Anyone for a refill?

Oh, without question.

Because the only thing I hate worse than empty wallet is an empty wine glass.

[Laughing]

Lori?

Oh, no, no, no, no baby. I'm watching my calories.

When I step out in Vegas in my swimsuit, I want my man's eyes to pop out, out, out, out!

Oh!

His head.

I'm trying to hold on to this one.

Well, after seeing you in a swimsuit, he gonna need to pop, pop, pop,

pop one of them blue pills, if you want him to stay excited.

I was thinking, why don't you and your new friend come by for

Thanksgiving and then after dinner you could roll up to Vegas?

Nuh uh. I'm keeping him up all night. Ain't nobody trying to

eat up all that food then get on the road to Vegas.

Oh yeah, because then you'd be on the interstate-itis fifteen. [Laughing]

Itis fifteen! You get that because it's like you know the

interstate I-15 to Vegas but you got the itis because it's Thanksgiving!

We get the joke, Rachel!

Why don't you, Tony and the kids meet us in Vegas?

Oh, it would be so nice. Do something different for a change!

Oh, I don't think Tony's going to go for it. But I, I mean I

really would love to just you know, relax and have somebody

serve me for once.

Okay, yes you deserve it, Baby! Yes!

We could, oh, we could get spa treatments, get our toes and our nails done.

We could go see a show! Oh, I've been dying to see the new

Siegfried and the tiger that ate Roy show.

Oh, and we could spend up Tony's money in the shops.

You know he's not going for that.

Why don't you come with me to the shelter to help feed the homeless for Thanksgiving?

Oh, please. I think I have a better chance of convincing Tony to root for the Clippers.

[Laughing]

You're right. Well in that case, you should probably go to Vegas with Lori.

That way you can get the magicians to saw Tony in half

and maybe they can separate his head from his ass!

[Laughing]

Now that was funny.

[Instrumental music]

Hey Tony, can you come out here? I want to run something by you.

What up, Lisa?

Yeah, I was thinking about this whole Thanksgiving thing.

I was thinking about it, too.

Came up with a couple ideas.

Oh really? Like what?

Mm. [Mumbling]

Oh, I'm used to you not making sense but you are taking it to a whole new level.

[Mumbling]

I think you said you want me to buy a new car?

Hell no.

I think that's what you said.

No, not at all.

I said, we don't have to cancel Thanksgiving dinner.

Now, I've recruited a couple of guys from the barbershop that didn't have anywhere to go.

And I've almost got Rodney to commit to coming over and

changing his plans and have dinner with us.

So, no confirmations?

No, but a couple of possibles.

Possibles? Tony, this ain't Spades.

Okay, I'm thinking since Lori and her new friend are going to

Vegas, maybe we could join them and do Thanksgiving on the strip.

I knew you'd shoot that down.

Wait, wait, that's not a bad idea.

The kids can go to an arcade, we can catch a couple of shows.

Lori and I could go on a shopping spree.

Okay, that part I'm shooting down.

But Thanksgiving in Sin City, it might be fun.

You know what, the plane tickets though, that might get pricey.

Oh, we could drive.

You know what? Let's run it by the kids, see what they think.

Okay, Dad. Another family meeting? What is it about this time?

It's about Thanksgiving. Your mother and I have decided to put it to a family vote.

Yeah, so we wanted to give you guys an opportunity to express

what you might want to do for our non-traditional Thanksgiving.

Oh, I have the perfect idea for us to do as a family.

Why don't we go to Seven Flag amusement park? Lil' Yachty is performing.

Why don't you sit your lil body back down in that chair and don't make anymore suggestions.

[Laughing]

What about you, Devin?

I say we get an R.V., go to Palm Springs, do the whole

Mochella thing. The Tupac hologram is headlining.

Tupac? No, his hologram might get shot.

How about this? How about we go to Vegas?

What? Las Vegas?

Yeah. Your mother and I was thinking why not do Thanksgiving in Las Vegas.

Yeah, we could eat and then walk it off on our way to the animal ranch.

Mm. I like where your head's at, Son.

What kind of ranch?

It's more like a petting zoo.

Right, Devin?

Something like that.

Mm hm.

Okay, all right. That's enough! Parental controls on your computers from now on.

Computers? What did I do?

No, not you. I'm talking about your brother and your Daddy.

All right, so it's official?

I'm with it.

Me, too.

All right, then. Stallworth Thanksgiving in Las Vegas.

And what happens in Vegas...

Will still get your ass grounded.

Mm hm.

And you, too.

Mm hm.

[Instrumental music]

Yo, I'm so excited. I can't wait to get to Vegas and ride that roller

coaster on the top of that hotel.

Oh yeah, and you'll be raining vomit all over the strip.

I guess I didn't think about that.

We're never going to get to Vegas if your dad doesn't hurry up. Tony!

Can you come on so we can beat all that holiday traffic?

Well, the good news is we ain't gonna be sitting in traffic.

Bad news is, we ain't going nowhere.

What?

Wait, what are you talking about, Tony?

Apparently, there's a flash flood on the freeway on the way to Vegas.

So, what are we going to do now?

Yeah, no Vegas, no family, no turkey?

Oh, I guess I'll have to make reservations at a restaurant.

I mean, I guess. As long as it's not a drive-through.

Shut up boy.

At least we're all together and not floating down Interstate Fifteen.

Oh my God, Tony, I just realized Lori is probably on her way to Vegas right now!

Oh, that fine, baby don't trip. Crocodiles can swim.

Come, Tony! Seriously!

Stop, this is not a time to play.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Okay, what's going on?

Tony, did you eat all the turkey again?

And where is everybody else?

And how come I don't smell no food cooking?

Long story.

I thought you were serving people at the soup kitchen?

I ran out of there when they ran out of soup.

You know if they touch you, you can catch homelessness.

Rachel, have you spoken to Lori?

Not since this morning, why?

There's a flash flood and all the roads to Vegas are closed.

Oh no!

So, what time is dinner?

Knock, knock, knock. Rodney in the house!

Wow, this is the saddest Thanksgiving celebration I've ever been invited to.

It's a long story.

Rodney, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to spend the day with your lady?

Ton', I gotta keep it real, man.

After you insinuated that I didn't have anywhere to go, I kinda made it all up.

I made the girl up, the cranberry sauce, even the you know what I mean.

Uh huh.

Well, we're happy to have you, brother, but we ain't got no food, so what'd you bring?

Uh, I brought uh, oh you're talking about?

Yeah.

Oh, I these are to-go containers.

Yeah. Yeah. They uh, they, you can put stuff in 'em.

Tony, Lori's not answering her phone. I'm really starting to get worried.

Why you worried about me?

See, I told you she could swim.

We thought you were caught up in that flash flood. Why didn't you answer your calls?

Girl, my new man's wife keeps blowing up my phone.

Wah, wah, you destroyed my happy home.

I ain't trying to hear all that.

Where everybody at?

And how come I don't smell no food cooking?

We were going to surprise you in Vegas.

Aww, you were going to surprise me.

Who gives a damn? It's Thanksgiving. What are we going to eat?

What are you talking about?

Now the reason we ain't got no food is because all y'all cancelled.

So what? She should have cooked anyway. It's Thanksgiving.

Plus, there should always be food at the Stallworth house.

Look, I'm hungry. So what, you gonna order in?

I mean, I don't want to offend nobody, but what are we gon' eat?

Happy Thanksgiving Stallworth's!

Donnie, what are you doing here?

The better question is, what's in the box?

Well, since I couldn't make it home to see my family in D.C.

I figured I'd bring this Thanksgiving pizza as my contribution.

Wait, wait, wait, what is Thanksgiving pizza?

It's got turkey, giblets and a whole lot of gravy.

It's festive!

It sounds disgusting.

Yeah. Who would eat that?

Uh, I wouldn't mind trying it.

Yeah, let me just take a look at it.

I just want to see.

It smells good.

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

Woo! That was the best Thanksgiving pizza I ever had.

Yeah, that was a good call, Donnie.

Hey, it's the least I could do for my family.

Okay so, Donnie, look, we're all dying to ask.

Uh...

Yeah, who whipped your ass, man?

Well, uh, I finally raised the money to get back to D.C.

And my flight was overbooked.

And I refused to give up my seat.

Oh, you got bumped.

I got more bumped. I got a case coming!

What airline was you on man? Reunited?

And it didn't feel so good.

[Laughing]

[Instrumental music]