Original subtitles

[Instrumental music]

Oh, oh!

If this boy gets this shot...

[In unison] Oh!

Oh my gosh!

He hit that shot from the bench!

Baby! Okay...

- still down with only ten seconds left. - Okay.

Are y'all watching Warriors Highlights?

I sure thought they was gonna win, too.

Boy! Really?

We were watching it on DVR.

Oh, man. I should have hit y'all with a spoiler alert.

I guess it would be a bad time to ask if my boy Ross could spend the night?

Yeah, it is.

Come on, Dad. Y'all let Ebony go to San Diego.

We're just trying to go our boy Jim's study group tonight.

And we were just trying to watch the outcome of this game.

Spoiler alert - you're cleaning the rain gutters this weekend.

Oh, baby, no. You can go.

And your grades really have been improving. I guess the study group is helping.

And... Ross can sleep over, too.

Thank you.

Uh, uh, I'm sorry. Are we talking about the same Ross

that thinks the umbilical cord is something that plugs into a T.V.?

Uh dad, it's not like he's tutoring me. He's just my wingman.

[Doorbell Rings]

What's up Homie?

What's up is, you're late. The event's almost over.

Oh, you mean the party?

My bad, man.

There was a lot of traffic coming from my place.

You live across the street!

Hey, what's up mister and misses Stallweezy?

Hey, Ross.

It's Stallworth, boy, get the name right.

Why the large bucket of chicken?

'Cause I'm supposed to be Devin's "wingman."

So, I only brought wings. [Laughing]

That's too bad though. The thighs got more meat.

Y'all hungry?

Ross.

Yeah?

Did you even graduate elementary school?

I think so.

How were y'all getting to Jim's?

Wait, Jim's? I thought we were going to Sage's house?

Uhhhhhhhh!

I'm sorry, who is Sage?

Better be Jim's mother.

No. That's Devin's new girlfriend.

[Vocalizing]

Yeah, yeah!

* Woke up and my wife said to me

* The bill collectors won't let me be

* Kids keep talking back to me

* Family Time

* Family Time, Family Time, Family Time

[Instrumental music]

You want to run that by me again?

Devin's new girlfriend?

Okay, okay. I can explain.

You got five seconds.

Okay, I really like this girl. She's beautiful, smart and makes me laugh.

Hey she ain't that funny to me, man.

She don't even do impressions.

Shut up, Ross.

That's still no reason to lie, Devin.

I know, dad. I'm really sorry.

Can I still go?

- Yeah, you can go. - Really?

No, I'm lying. See how that feels?

[Laughing]

Okay. That's one out of two.

Mom?

You heard your father.

Mom, did I tell you you look beautiful today with the bellbottoms on?

Doing your thing. I see you, I see you.

Oh, thank you son, nice of you to mention it.

But you're still not going.

Thanks, Ross.

Oh it's all good then.

You know what, baby, maybe if you would have told us the truth we would have let you go.

We really would have loved to meet this Sage.

You guys can still meet her. I think y'all would really like her.

She's a little nice.

All right. Why don't you invite Sage and her parents over for dinner tomorrow night?

Now see, that sounds hecka reasonable.

If I were to lie to my parents about seeing a girl,

they would try to knock the sense back into me.

Should've did that a long time ago.

Thank you, Mister Stallweezy.

Dad...

can I hit him?

You know what? Try it. Might reboot his system.

[Instrumental music]

Look at my baby.

I remember changing that boy's diapers like it was yesterday and now he's got a girlfriend.

Did you have the talk with him, Tony?

Relax, Lisa. It's not like he's going to be changing any diapers of his own anytime soon.

I know, but don't you think our kids are growing up too fast?

I saw this boy lick his lips at Ebony the other day and I almost called the cops.

[Laughing]

- I did. - It's harmless, Baby. What's this lip-licker's name?

Harmless, right?

You're right. You're right.

Come on, it's all puppy love. All right? It's not like the boy's going to get...

Married?

Yeah, man.

One day I'm going to propose to her with a big old diamond rock.

With whose money?

That's besides the point. I know she's the one.

She been ride or die since day one.

Man, but y'all just met two weeks ago!

And?

Well, if you do get married, can I be your best man?

Uh, Ross, you're my worst man right now. So, don't ask me no dumb questions.

Oh wait, you can't help it.

Can I be the ring bearer then?

Never.

Come on, I can be ring bearer, man. And I can catch that bouquet.

Have you ever been to a wedding?

I think so.

[Instrumental music]

[Inaudible Chatting]

What's up, fellas?

Hey!

Hey, what's up, Ton'?

Hey, Hey.

How you, how you feeling today, boss?

I'm feeling old. I'm feeling real old.

What a minute, man. What's going on, man? How long you got to live? You're looking sick.

[Laughing] No, man. It's, it's my son, Devin, man. He's got a girlfriend.

Get out of here. Little Devin has got a girlfriend.

Mm hm. And I'm meeting her and her parents tonight.

Ooh, that sounds serious.

You know, I remember them days.

My son met his woman in grade school.

Had a child.

That child had a child.

And that child had twins.

Damn.

That sounds like a movie, fifty shades of brown.

[Laughing]

Not to mention those triplets I got on the way.

[In unison] Damn, Mister Brown!

Well, you need to get yourself snipped and tucked.

I always have to tell myself it's a blessing.

Or a curse.

What up? What up?

- There he is. - My man.

Hey, what's up pops?

Hey boy. Stay right there. Ah, let me come over to your right.

[Chuckles]

Hey uh, you worked today?

- Money in your pocket? - Nah-

No, I ain't, no money.

How are you going to pay for this uncut haircut?

- Uh, more of a "wish" scenario. - Mm-hmm.

You ain't got no money, do you?

Hold on, hold on. Mister Brown.

Go on, talk to me.

Donnie is one of your kids, too?

Man, the devil's a liar, but yeah. He is.

That's impossible. Cause Donnie was hatched.

[Laughing]

That's real funny.

When you gonna pay me?

Uh, next Tuesday.

Right, yeah. If you don't pay me next Tuesday, think of it as your last Tuesday.

On this earth.

Take care of that for me.

I'll see y'all.

[All Chatting]

Alright, we'll see ya!

Man, y'all know Fred Sanford ain't nowhere near my damn Daddy, man.

Stop. You don't even know who your Daddy is.

I know who my Daddy is, Montel Williams. And he ain't yours, okay?

Ooh.

Have you seen Devin's new girlfriend Sage yet?

He told you about it?

She's all over his social media.

Sage. I don't like it.

Sounds like some sort of seasoning or something.

They go wild, too, man. I think I'm going to have to unfollow his ass, man.

Too much unholiness on my feed.

Well, hold on. At least is the girl cute?

I mean, she's cute but every girl on social media is cute, man.

They got an app for everything.

They got this trap app, where girls can like erase they flaws and they blemishes.

They even got a part of the app where you can like see

a pregnant girl flatten her pregnant stomach, just to trap

another baby daddy!

The list goes on and on.

Wow.

You know, I ain't really into social media.

Well, that's too bad, Ton'. Cause I just found this fine-ass honey on Planet Black.

gentlegemini143.

Oh, hold on. Let's see how gentle this young lady is. Now is she a dime or oh my God.

- Mm. - Turn it.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Hit it with the zoom.

- Get it. - Mm.

Wow.

That thing there is a silver dollar.

- Look at that. - Okay.

It ain't even all in the screen, push it over.

Is this the only photo you've got?

Yes, sir.

Man, that's a selfie from the neck down. Uh, how,

how you know what the girl really looks like, man?

I mean, I don't need to see everything, man. She's a pretty girl.

I mean when you, when you that kinda pretty, you don't want to show your whole face.

Cause they want you to do that. You gotta show

them just a little bit, keep 'em coming back.

Well how do you know she fine if you don't even know what she look like?

Well, she ain't gotta be fine. I don't know what

she gotta look like, man. All I think about is Lisa.

Excuse me?

Bonet. Bonet. Have a seat, man.

You ain't done with your haircut yet brother. Okay?

Bonet from the Cosby show. Not from the Stallworth's.

[Instrumental music]

[Laughing]

Hey, Melinda, can you get Mister Phillips on the phone, please?

[Muttering to her phone]

Uh, hello?

Oh, you, you ask me something?

Yeah, yeah. Can you do what I asked, please?

Yes I can.

Uh, yeah. Could you...

possibly remind me of what that was?

How about you stay off your phone during business hours?

Well, what if it's an emergency?

What do you consider an emergency?

Making sure nobody posts a picture of me without a filter.

Cause I don't play that.

Okay, no.

Okay, fine. I'm just really excited because I met a sweet gentleman

on a online dating site.

Is that the new trend?

Seems like everybody's doing that now.

But everybody isn't dating Pierre, the French millionaire.

You're dating a millionaire?

And he promised to take me to the top of world if I ain't afraid.

[Sighs]

Are you sure you're not dating Pierre the Pimp?

Cause he's just going to take you to the top of Mulholland.

[Laughing]

You're so funny, mister Stallworth.

I was just wondering if I could get my paycheck a little bit early. Like this big.

Uh, mister Stallworth?

Did you say something?

I was checking out this new social media website called Don'tGetYourAssFired.com.

[Instrumental music]

Ah ha! Well, don't you look nice.

Hey, looking like a Stallworth man!

Thanks. [Doorbell Rings]

Okay, okay. They're here. Can you please not embarrass me?

Okay. Wait oh! You got a little-

Momma, stop it! Stop it!

Something on your cheek right there.

Okay.

He had something on his cheek.

You got a little something on your cheek. Let me get it.

Oh! Tony!

Hey, Dev.

Hey, Sage. You look nice.

Nice?

Just nice?

This dress is more than just nice, Devin.

I'm, I'm sorry. You look amazing.

Didn't see that coming.

She definitely wears the pants in the relationship.

These are my parents. Tony and Lisa.

But they probably prefer if you called them Mister and Misses Stallworth.

Mister and Misses Stallworth?

You know Lisa and Tony are perfect names. You

really shouldn't age yourselves with titles.

I mean, ew, right?

Uh, Sage is it, look here, look...

Let me ask you a question.

Where are your parents?

Oh, we took separate Goobers. They should be here any minute.

Mm hm. [Doorbell Rings]

Oh, that must be them.

Hi. You must be Sage's parents.

Indeed, we are.

Gina.

Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

Tony?

Regina?

Wait, Regina?

Your old girlfriend Regina?

Mm hm.

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental music]

Regina Kingston.

I never thought I would see you again.

Ditto.

So, this is the famous Regina, huh?

So, you two dated? Like, for real?

Something like that.

O.M.G. Like, ew.

Isn't that like incest?

No, honey, we broke up in junior high due to some minor complications.

Wait, I'm sorry. Minor complications?

Is that the way you see it?

You're real funny, Regina.

Okay, it's Gina now.

And yes, our breakup was a mutual decision.

Mm. Some people never change.

I know I haven't. I still look like a porcelain doll.

Oh yeah, after a few lifts.

Are you the wife or the mother of the children?

Both, actually.

Oh, bravo for that accomplishment.

That's a lovely ensemble.

Swap meet?

No, no. But you know what? You have really beautiful skin, Gina.

Botox?

Okay, all right. That's enough, okay.

It's not about us. It's about the children.

Yes, and Devin is a nice young man.

Thank you, mister Kingston.

So this is the famous Regina, huh?

Would y'all give us a second? One quick second?

Lisa, are you okay?

Cause uh, I can kick them out if you want me to.

Oh, I'm good. You good?

I'm good.

Okay. I'm good, yeah, you're good.

I'm good, I'm good.

You're good?

- We're good. - Okay.

[Laughing]

Wow, Tony, I never pictured you in a home like this.

Yeah, we hit the lotto.

Shut up, boy.

Ah, well, you- hard work pays off.

[Stammering] You know...

Uh, what do you do, brother?

I'm a travel agent.

Hmm. Don't they have an app for that?

Not when you own the company.

It has its perks. We recently went to the Eiffel Tower and the Venetian Lagoon.

Oh, don't forget the Sphinx of Giza.

Mmmm.

Oh, oh I get- I get it. Y'all must've just went to Vegas.

Couple more blocks and you would've been to New York.

[Laughing]

And what exactly do you do, Tony?

Does it really matter?

You guys are acting really childish.

Can we order something from Veggie Plaza?

My mom cooked!

Soul food? I don't think so.

Oh, you better think again.

You know how long it takes to clean greens?

Don't be difficult, Sage.

Why don't we all just sit down at the table, act like we've never met each other,

and hopefully it'll make things less awkward.

I doubt it. But we can try.

[Instrumental Music]

Okay, I can't take it anymore.

There's obviously a lot of tension here.

Thick.

I agree.

So, Dad, what happened between you two?

Let's just let sleeping dogs lie.

What does that mean?

I want to hear it.

Yeah, Tony. Let's hear it.

All right. Since I'm put on blast.

It was the night of our junior prom.

[Harp Trilling]

[Tony's Voice] And everyone was in line taking pictures.

But for some reason, Regina was acting like a real... you know what I mean.

See what I mean? She was all like...

Let's just take these pictures already so I don't have to be seen with you.

You look like one of Gladys' Pips.

Then the next thing I know, Bobby Wilson comes sliding in to steal my girl!

And I said...

Regina! Don't you want to take pictures with me? I'm your boyfriend!

Then Bobby said...

[Tony's Voice] Man, step off, punk. Your girl chose me.

[Tony's Voice] Then she was all like...

Oh Bobby! I always knew you were the one.

[Tony's Voice] And as I was standing there all alone, you turned to me and said...

It's too late Tony. Bobby is mine now!

Nooo!

Ho-ho! Why? No!

And that's how it went down.

That is not what happened.

How do you remember it, then?

Well, it was the night of our junior prom.

Okay, okay, stick the introduction.

[Regina's Voice] We were all in line, ready to take pictures,

when suddenly Tony gets impatient and walks out of the line.

[Regina's Voice] I grab him and say...

You don't wanna take a picture with me?

[Regina's Voice] And Tony says...

Ha! You got jokes! Ain't nobody trying to take a picture with you.

[Regina's Voice] So I wept and wept. And then Bobby Wilson,

the sweetest guy in the world, comes to save the day.

[Regina's Voice] He said...

Dry your eyes baby girl, I'll take a picture with you.

[Regina's Voice] But this made Tony really angry. So, he stormed over and said...

Hey, get away from my girl!

[Regina's Voice] He tried to swing at Bobby but missed.

So, then Bobby did what he had to do.

[Regina's Voice] He pushed Tony to the ground. And I kissed him.

Oh, woman! Stop with the lies. That's not how it went down.

You cheated on me and that's the truth.

Okay, well you guys are both unreliable sources so who should we believe?

This is harder than the O.J. trial!

I'm sticking by my husband.

And I'm sticking by my wife.

Tried that, bruh, didn't quite work out.

Okay, this is just stupid.

You both have families now.

You both moved on, right?

You know what? My daughter is right.

Tony, why should we have this hate for each other?

I mean, our kids are dating now.

We should just let bygones be bygones.

Maybe you're right, Regina.

Gina.

Right, Regina.

Uh, we were probably just brought back one last time for some closure.

And to eat all this food.

I didn't spend all day cooking for nothing.

Yup, 'cause flashbacks make me really hungry.

[Laughing]

Lisa, that food was delicious. Honey, you got the leftovers?

Yup.

Mm hm. He got all my leftovers.

Uh, Miss Gina, it was good seeing you again.

Well, not at first. It was... kind of like a prostate

exam. I was scared and nervous at first, but glad I did it.

[Laughing] Oh, oh, like...

like a colonic.

Yeah.

- Or a heart attack. - Right, right.

Or a stroke.

Yeah.

No but I'm sorry, really, about the way that I acted.

Just seeing you opened up some old wounds.

Yeah, me too.

All right!

I'd hate to have to open up some new wounds.

[Laughing]

I'm so glad you all are going to join us on our trip to Maui.

And I'm going to make sure that you have first class accommodations.

Bet that.

That sounds...

I got it! I got it!

Sounds amazing. Thank you.

Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

Oh, let me get this for you.

I got it. I got it. I said I got it.

So, Dev, you'll call me later, right?

Yup. See you soon, beautiful.

Beautiful? Really?

I mean, I'm sorry...

That's really sweet, Devin. Thank you.

Mm.

That's Bae right there.

[Laughing]

Well, that was a strange night.

Hey, you know, Gina and I might not be the best of

friends, but at least we got a first-class trip to Maui.

Mm! Heard that.

What'd you really see in her, Tony?

Well, I was young, you know. Summer of '85.

Lip gloss was popping. Bamboo earrings.

Okay, okay.

Enough with the flashbacks.

We can flashback to your last ass-whooping if you like.

And we can flash-forward to me changing your diapers.

[Laughter]

Well, until then...

Tony!

[Instrumental music]

[Instrumental Music]

Hey Melinda, don't forget to send out those packages to the post office.

Oui Oui, Monsieur Stallworth.

Why are you speaking in broken French?

Remember that French millionaire I told you about?

Uh huh.

He's taking me to a five-star restaurant tonight.

I saw I was gonna brush up on my French. It'll be easy, because I'm Creole.

Voulez vous coucher avec moi. Crepe, you know?

[Chuckling] Yeah, have fun.

Thank you.

My man, Tony!

What up, Big D?

I decided to take your advice with that online girl.

She decided she ain't gonna show me her face, then dammit I won't show mine either.

Okay, but why are you dressed like an extra on a Spike Lee film?

I told her I was a French millionaire.

And she believed me! Ain't that a trip!

Yeah.

You're Pierre, my French millionaire?

You're gentltegemini143?

[Stammering] Listen, I got a perfect solution.

y'all should just go out for some seafood.

Because y'all both got catfished!

[Laughing]

[Instrumental music]