Original subtitles

Tony!

Okay, come on.

Lisa: Tony!

What's up, Lisa?

Really?

What's up, Lisa?

You just going to sit there while you clearly see

I need help with the plant?

You couldn't help me, Tony? Really?

I tried to help you when you called

and said you was going to buy a plant

and I told you not to.

Whatever.

So, what do you think?

You need to do the right thing and put that tree outside

before somebody catch jungle fever.

Why would you buy a tree in the first place when I could have

went and chopped one down for free?

Oh, please, with those fragile little hands?

Fragile hands?

Girl, you weren't calling them

fragile last night when

- they was smacking that-- - Hey.

You better help me with this tree

or you're going to catch the "Mo' Better Blues."

And by blue, you know what I mean.

Where do you want this tree?

- Over there? - Right here.

Thank you.

* Woke up and my wife said to me *

* The bill collectors won't give me peace *

* Kids keep talkin' back to me *

* Family time

* Family time

* Family time

* Family time.

You know, you're not a bad looking plant,

for a thirsty looking plant.

I'll get you some of this.

Mm-hmm.

Just a little sip.

You like that?

Want a little bit more? Here you go.

Plenty more where that came from, brother.

( doorbell ringing ) Hm.

Don't answer that.

Girl, you too young to be having bill collectors.

It's worse than a bill collector.

What could be worse than a bill collector?

Dad, brace yourself. It's this guy, Cornell.

He's kind of my stalker.

Your what? Oh, hell no.

I'll handle this. Go upstairs.

- But Dad-- - But nothing.

Ain't nobody stalking my daughter, now go on!

Now, if you hear any yelling, don't call the police.

How big did you say this boy was?

Hello, Mr. Stallworth.

You're Cornell?

I see Ebony has told you all about me.

Yes, I'm Cornell, and I'd like to have a word with your

daughter if that would be sufficient.

It would be sufficient, but Ebony's a little tied up right now.

( inhales )

It's quite all right. I have nothing but time.

I can wait.

No. I don't think you understand.

She's going to be tied up for about 10 to 20 years

or until she gets married.

I'll let her know you stopped by.

I'd appreciate that.

And would you be able to give her these for me?

Sure thing.

Make sure you put those in water and add aspirin.

Got it.

Thank you, Mr. Stallworth.

( inhales )

Ebony: Is he gone?

( laughing )

Ebony: What's so funny?

Ebony, really?

That boy is no stalker, okay?

He's a nerd.

He bought you these.

I don't want those.

He's harmless.

He's a pest.

He follows me around like a puppy,

and he's not my type.

You ain't got no type, girl.

You too young to have a type.

You better go upstairs and type up a book report or something.

Here, take these flowers with you.

Put aspirin in the water.

Type. Hm. The type to choke a kid out.

You are just a beautiful little tree looking so good,

so green and just thriving.

Give you a little water.

Little hydration.

Maybe a little more, just a little smidgen.

There we go.

( doorbell ringing )

It's good, huh?

You were thirsty. Thirsty.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

How can I help you?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Lisa, is that the pesky kid from up the street?

Boy, if he knock on my door one more--

Oh, hello.

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Tony.

Hi, Tony. I'm Harlene Gilmore.

- You must be Lisa. - Yes. ( laughs )

Um, I used to live in this house many, many years ago.

Really?

Really. As a matter of fact,

my Dad built the house in the late 40's,

and I was in the neighborhood.

I had this strange compulsion to

just take a trip down memory lane,

and I was wondering, would it be okay with you

if I took a look in the house?

Well, we usually don't let people drop by unannounced,

but considering you're not one of Lisa's sisters,

come on in and make yourself at home.

Don't mind him.

They're all the same.

- ( laughing ) - So I heard.

( gasp ) Wow. Look at this.

It's just the same.

You know, even driving through the neighborhood,

I was flooded with memories.

So the neighborhood's pretty much the same as you remember?

You know what? Yes.

It's just-- well, it's almost the same.

It's a little different.

More black people.

Well, yes. Yes.

As a matter of fact, there are, but change is good, right?

Change is a good thing.

You know, those were our bedrooms upstairs, my sister and myself.

We used to have the bedrooms at the top of the stairs with the Jack and Jill bathroom.

Okay, and was this still the living room?

Tony.

Well-- I've seen those home renovation shows.

This could have been a backyard.

No, it was the living room.

And the thing that was different was that our couch was over here,

and my father's chair was right here.

Oh, well would you like to take a look around the house?

The rest of the house? I'd love to.

Lisa, you sure Devin's drawers ain't on the floor upstairs?

Why don't we start in the kitchen?

Okay. Yes.

Kitchen. It's right-- You know where it is.

Oh, wow. Look at this. It's just the same.

You know, my grandmother used to come in during the holidays,

and she would make the most amazing oatmeal raisin cookies.

That aroma would waft through the entire house.

Incredible.

Not much has changed.

I still wake up to the smell of Lisa's burning hair

from her hot comb wafting through the entire house.

I-- I don't get it.

Yeah, you wouldn't.

And the backyard, did you--

Oh, you took down the avocado tree,

but it looks like you've got a great Jacuzzi.

I like guacamole, but I get more troubles with those bubbles.

You know what I'm talking about.

No.

You know, why don't I put on a pot of coffee,

and Tony you could show Ms. Harlene the basement.

Uh, you mean my man cave?

No respect around here.

Ms. Harlene--

No. I don't go down there.

Nah, we just call it a man cave.

Women are allowed. Come on.

No. I-I just don't go there. Since the incident.

Uh, I'm sorry? What-- what incident?

Well, it's the killing, but I don't want to talk about it.

The what?

I think we should just not go into the basement

and take a tour of the rest of the house.

Lisa, really, really, with the new house magazine?

Come on. You are being ridiculous.

Tony, I am not living in a house where someone was murdered.

You don't even know all the facts.

We don't even know that somebody was murdered.

She said "the killing."

I mean, who else could have been killed down there?

Did a comedian pop in and do a hot set?

Okay, all right. Well, say somebody died down there years ago.

So what?

So what? So what, Tony?

Where's the ghost?

Where is the ghost living?

The ghost is living in nowhere land because ghosts don't exist!

Shh! Shh!

He'll hear you!

We don't want to make the ghost mad!

You don't know what a ghost will do!

( knock on door ) Oh, God.

It's just Cheryl.

It's just Cheryl. Hey, Cheryl.

Good evening, Mr. Stallworth.

Lisa, I got your text. Is everything all right?

Cheryl, what do you know about this house?

Okay. Is this a test?

Four bedrooms, great square footage.

There was a brutal murder in the basement.

Lovely back yard.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You knew about the murder?

Well, yeah. Everyone on the block did. Duh.

Why wouldn't you tell us, Cheryl?

Because you didn't ask.

I mean, what was I supposed to say?

"Hi. Welcome to the neighborhood.

"Here's a Jell-O mold. There was a murder in your house."

Okay, very funny, "MC Light Skin." Tell us what happened.

Um, okay. Well, Tony, I'm sorry.

I don't know much because it happened long before I moved here,

but rumor had it that there was a domestic dispute,

and a guy named Clyde killed someone named Lucy.

I think it was his wife, but I don't know.

Okay, so Clyde must have been Harlene's dad who built this house.

Well, I don't know anything about that,

but I know there was blood everywhere and they never found the head.

We have to move.

Tony, we have to move.

- No, no, no. - Oh, my God.

**

I'm chilling in the man cave.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Shh.

Tony: Come on down here, man.

What's up?

Listen.

I found out something crazy yesterday.

I knew you was messing with your secretary, man!

And now Melinda's pregnant.

And you don't know how to tell Lisa.

Don't worry about it, man.

I will take full responsibility and raise him as my own.

Donny, will you shut up before there's another murder down here?

Another murder?

Apparently, some dude named Clyde decapitated some broad named Lucy back in the day.

All right. See you around, Ton.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going?

I don't know, but I ain't sticking around here with no damn ghost!

Come on, man. There's no such thing as ghosts.

It's worse than a ghost. It's a decapitated ghost.

Shh. I don't want my kids to hear.

They going to find out anyway

once they see a headless ghost floating around here!

We have been here for three years,

and we haven't seen any ghost.

We're not going to start now.

That's where you wrong, Ton.

See, you got to use that ghost logic, man.

See, ghost don't normally show up until you know they exist.

Now that you've awakened them, it's on.

Donny, I didn't invite you over here for no ghost advice.

My problem is Lisa wants to move.

My problem is how come you don't want to listen?

Come on, you really think there's such thing as a ghost?

I never told you this, Tony.

But I saw my grandmother's ghost, man.

It's real.

I was at her house, and I saw her.

Freaked me out.

See her come back?

No.

To see her naked.

Yeah, man. So you got to think about it.

She died, not her clothes.

So why wouldn't her ghost be naked?

That actually makes sense.

Of course, it makes sense, Ton.

Ghosts are everywhere, man.

Ghosts sneak into my apartment at night and eat my cheese!

Donny, those are mice.

Or, is it the ghost of the mice that used to live there?

Donny, there's no such thing as ghosts.

Lisa: Tony, Tony!

See? They calling you.

Man, that's just Lisa.

You think it's Lisa.

Tony: Where you going?

Man, I ain't about to be stuck down here with no ghost.

If I'm going to die, I'm going with somebody.

How does that just-- how does that happen?

What's going on, Lisa?

Tony, something really strange is going on around here.

My tree just mysteriously just died.

Told you, Ton.

Tony: Okay, Lisa. Calm down.

Now, I'm sure that there was a logical explanation for this.

You damn right it is.

A ghost killed your tree, man.

Misery love company.

Tony, I am not sleeping here tonight.

Okay. You know what?

I need to show you two a little documentary.

It's animated.

It's called "Scooby Doo."

It's always people like you who scream, "Ghost!"

and then Shaggy and Scooby wind up proving that it's just some old creepy guy

in a really good costume trying to scare kids from coming into an amusement park.

So you're saying it's a creepy guy

in a costume living in our house killing my tree?

- No. - Or maybe when Harlene was here,

we should have snatched off her mask

to reveal that the creepy guy was wearing a Harlene suit.

Okay, I ain't got a comeback for that,

but look, I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

All right? I'm going to get some more information

and we going to see what's happening.

You know, I never really did get into "Scooby Doo."

Story line was too convoluted, too complex.

Plus, they didn't have no black people.

Would you bring your Shaggy ass home?

Come on.

He probably want to watch "Scooby Doo." I'll tell you how it is.

Weird.

**

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't matter.

Just throw some paint on the walls,

I'll guarantee it'll sell.

I got to go.

Hey, Tony Stallworth.

I hope you don't mind. Your wife let me in.

Man, it's so good to see you, my man!

Come on! Give me a little love. Yeah, whoa!

All right, then.

How long has it been? You look great.

Since you sold me this house.

Right, right.

And let me guess, you've already outgrown it,

and you're looking to buy a new one.

I've got some great new listings here

because you're probably thinking about upgrading from this.

No, man. Listen, forget about all that.

Look, I need to talk to you about something.

Okay, yeah. How can I help?

Well, when you sold me this house,

did you forget to mention one major detail?

Oh, you found out that the plumbing isn't copper.

Don't worry about it. We'll get it replaced.

I got a guy who owes me a favor.

Forget about all that, man.

I'm talking about the brutal murder that happened in this house.

I didn't tell you about that?

No. Must have slipped your mind.

Are you sure? Wait. Let me check.

I've got your closing papers and disclosures right here.

Let me see. Um-hmm, um-hmm, um-hmm, um-hmm.

Yep, yep. Right here.

You initialed that you acknowledged

that the blood-soaked basement walls were refurbished and repainted.

It's right there in black and white.

And I don't mean anything about the black and white.

Let me see that!

Man, I initialed next to like 100 things, man.

And it doesn't even say where the blood came from.

I'm a real estate broker. Okay?

I'm here to tell you about the square footage.

If you want to know about the gruesome details of what

happened in that square footage, you go to the police.

So, unless you're interested in any of my new listings,

I gotta go.

No. I'm good.

Great. I'll see you in another three years then.

- Give me a-- - ( phone beeping )

Oh, I'm sorry. I gotta take this.

Yeah. Tell the client I'll be there in about 15 minutes.

Yeah, and make sure you get rid of those

bloodstains from the body.

Okay, yeah. Just put those in those boxes.

Lisa, come on. Can we talk about this?

Nothing to talk about, Tony.

There's a ghost living here, so I'm not.

We need to be worried about the people walking around,

not the people that are dead.

That's why I want to move, because of that Cornell

always walking and following me around.

Well, I know Devin's not afraid. He loves it here.

Oh, please. He's at your parents' house.

The instant I told him what was going on,

he flew out of here like he saw a ghost actually.

Matter of fact, come on.

Let's go get the rest of these boxes.

- ( doorbell ringing ) - There's Devin now.

He done came to his senses.

Huh, scared.

Cornell, now is not a good time. Ebony's busy.

Well, actually I came to see you, Mr. Stallworth.

What you want to see me for? I barely know you.

Well, I was thinking about what you said,

**

Boy, get up. Close the door.

Come on in. We need to talk.

Excuse the mess. Doing a little remodeling.

Oh, God. He's in the house.

Hello, my love.

Ebony, sit down. We need to talk.

What is there to talk about?

Wedding arrangements.

Now, I know it's customary for the parents of the bride to pay,

I've been saying up my allowance for several weeks...

Okay, okay.

Slow down there, Casanova.

Listen, Ebony is too young

to be talking about relationships,

let alone getting married.

I do realize that this is premature,

and I know that she has yet

to blossom into the beautiful swan that she is.

I know you're not calling me an ugly duckling,

not the way you follow me around.

Well, you're the only girl that pays me

any attention in the whole school.

Like when you pay me your lunch money to do your homework.

Uh, Ebony?

I might have once or twice.

Why are you paying people to do your homework?

You're smart.

I was learning to delegate.

( inhales )

You all right, buddy?

Yes. Just getting excited.

Okay, Ebony I will deal with you later.

And you, you might as well stop ringing my doorbell because

Ebony is going to be grounded

for paying somebody to do her homework for her.

So, thanks for coming by.

You take it easy. Have a nice life.

Thank you, Mr. Stallworth.

You know where to find me, Ebony, if you need me.

Okay. ( opens door )

Thanks.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh no. You're really grounded.

Yo, drop everything, man.

Cut it all out and no more packing, okay?

I got the whole thing figured out.

You need to hold a séance and exorcise the ghost.

I need to "exorcise" my right to kick you out my damn house, man.

Ain't nobody going to do no damn séance.

You got a better idea?

**

Cheryl: Call out to the spirits of the supernatural realm.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Shh. Let her finish.

Anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted,

if there is a spirit named Lucy here who was brutally murdered

by that psychopath, sociopathic, misogynistic--

Cheryl, stick to the damn script and stop acting thirsty!

Okay. It was a little over the top.

Um, Lucy, if you are here, show yourself.

Make your presence known.

Uh-oh.

I think I feel something.

I think I smell something.

I'm sorry, Lisa. That was a silent killer. My bad.

Donny, damn, man. My eyes are burning.

Smelled something different.

Really, Donny? What you been eating, cashews man?

Ew, gross.

Look, man, this is stupid!

Lucy is dead, and she's not going to make her presence known or whatever.

Yeah, man. Lucy's a bust, yo.

What you need to do is ask them spirits who been stealing my damn cheese.

Man, get out.

It's a legitimate question, man.

You see I ain't got no cheese in my house.

Tony, if you not going to take this séance seriously, we're definitely moving.

No one's moving. Tony, this really does work, okay?

Everyone just has to focus, I think.

So let's close our eyes and repeat after me.

( humming )

- ( knocking on door ) - ( all exclaiming )

That's the ghost!

- ( doorbell ringing ) - That's not no damn ghost.

It's the door! Stupid, if it was the ghost,

it would have just walked through the wall.

Unless he didn't have his ghost key.

( sighs )

Hi.

I hope I'm not interrupting,

but I think I left my scarf here the other day.

As a matter of fact, you did.

Oh, great thanks.

Ms. Harlene, would you mind coming in for a minute?

Well, sure. Oh, you're playing a game?

I'm really good at games.

So the other day you mentioned that there was a killing,

and I know it must be very painful for you to talk about,

but I really need--

Cut the crap! Old lady, who killed who?

Yes, If you share your story,

it might compel the spirit to show itself.

Clyde killed Lucy in the basement, but it wasn't my fault.

I left her cage door open. She was my favorite bird.

She was really pretty, and Clyde was such a cranky cat.

Then he chased her all over the house,

and then he chased her down to the basement,

and he killed her, and there was blood and feathers everywhere.

Hold the hell up, one second.

Um, all this was over a damn cat and a bird?

( sobbing )

Huh?

We never found her head.

Did you find her head?

No.

I know somebody missing a head.

I'm so sorry, Ms. Harlene.

I just thought-- Ooh. I'm sorry.

Oh, I suppose it's okay.

She's probably in a better place now.

Mm-hmm, okay. I guess that concludes this séance

and dispels the myth that I unfortunately heard.

( giggles )

Wa-wait. Then why did my tree die?

Well if you don't-- They say if you

water them too much that they'll die.

No, no. I just watered it a couple times yesterday.

Actually, um, I watered it a couple times

yesterday too and this morning.

Uh-- yeah. I watered it as well.

- What you doing watering my plants? - Well, I just came over.

Your mama ain't teach you to go to somebody house and water their plants?

Come on, man. Manners, Tony. Manners.

Manners.

I watered it yesterday too.

I'm sorry. It looked thirsty.

But it's my plant.

Okay, well that solves that mystery.

Y'all get out my house.

Fair enough.

Like that, Ton?

Yeah.

So we save your little séance,

and you want to kick us out? You know what?

Next time you see a little headless bird's ghost around here,

don't come crying to me, okay?

Ma'am, you get you some help, all right?

You too old for this.

( crying )

Ms. Harlene, Ms. Harlene, you don't live here anymore.

You can get out too. Thank you.

Don't forget your shawl.

If you find the head, you'll let me know.

Will do.

All this talk about dead birds, now I want some chicken.

Me too.

Kentucky?

**

Okay, so can we stay now?

Yeah. I'm glad we got to the bottom of that.

I told you, Lisa. There's no such thing as ghosts.

Speaking of getting to the bottom of things...

Ooh.

( bird chirping )

What the heck was that?

**