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1
00:00:00,268 --> 00:00:03,003
[MUSIC]
2
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,244
You know Lisa, I was thinking...
3
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:13,981
since I'm the boss of my own
business, I won't fire myself if
I go into work late today.
4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,650
Tony, I'm already dressed,
and I'm not getting back
into that bed.
5
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,953
[CHUCKLES] No, I'm talking about
having a nice sit-down breakfast
6
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,489
just you and me
without the kids.
7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:25,559
Aww, that's sweet. But I can't.
I have a doctor's appointment.
8
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:27,061
Everything alright? What's up?
9
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:30,964
My cholesterol, apparently.
Needs me to come in for a
follow-up.
10
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,167
So I guess sitting down and
having red velvet pancakes
11
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,069
with cream cheese and cheese
grits is out of the question?
12
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:39,573
Yeah. The only question now is
am I gonna take the medication
or not?
13
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:42,376
If you can have double egg,
double sausage, omelets
and then just pop a
14
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,245
pill afterwards, I
don't see the downside.
15
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:47,615
But we don't know the
side effects. What if I
grow another head?
16
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,618
You'd be able to have this
conversation with yourself.
17
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,653
Tony, I'm-I'm-I'm
serious actually.
18
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:56,224
Okay, I'm serious too. Look, if
she said you need medication,
then maybe you need medication.
19
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:59,660
There is... another option. They
said if I make some lifestyle
changes
20
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:02,863
you know, I could probably just
get my cholesterol down myself.
21
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,399
What kind of lifestyle
changes we talkin' about?
22
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,901
Uh, guess I have
to change my diet.
23
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:12,306
Take out red meat,
carbs, sugar...
24
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,208
Man, what are you
supposed to eat, hay?
25
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:17,211
I don't know, I gotta do
what I gotta do. Can't
have a heart attack.
26
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,447
I think I need to hire
a personal trainer.
27
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,549
What do you need a personal
trainer for when you got me?
28
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,916
I told you I could
be late for work.
29
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:25,953
No need for a treadmill when
we can get on this bedmill.
30
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,956
[THEME SONG]
* Woke up and my
wife said to me *
31
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,058
* The bill collectors
won't let me be *
32
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:33,494
* The kid's keep
talkin' back to me *
33
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,930
* Family Time, Family
Time, Family Time *
34
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:40,934
* Family Time
35
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:45,539
Aww yeah, stretchin'
towards them toes.
36
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,441
- I touch my toes?
- All the day down now.
37
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,178
I know you can stretch
farther than that.
38
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,846
Yeah, that's good.
39
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,783
Uh huh. You feel that
in them thighs?
40
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:59,052
Uh, you now I think I actually
feel it more in my glutes.
41
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,822
[LAUGH]
Good, good. Yeah.
42
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:05,193
That means it's workin'.
Five mo' second.
43
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,760
Okay.
44
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,529
Uh, Lisa, what the hell
is going on here?
45
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,299
- Oh!
- Who the hell is Buff-Daddy?
46
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:14,335
[CHUCKLES] The name is Andre.
47
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,472
Oh yeah. Yeah, Andre, Andre's
gonna be my trainer, baby.
48
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:21,709
Yeah, that's right.
I'ma get that body tight.
49
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,577
Oh-ho...
50
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,679
You-you gonna get
that body tight, Andre?
51
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,682
Yeah. Alright, Lisa, now uh,
52
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,884
- go ahead and flip over
on your stomach.
- Oh, okay.
53
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,953
[GRUNTING]
54
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,988
All I gotta do is
straddle her like this-
55
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:37,358
Oh no hell no, hell no brother!
56
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,393
About how long you
been trainin' people?
57
00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:41,929
Well, actually Lisa's
my first client.
58
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,265
But uh, I trained myself,
if that counts.
59
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,801
Uh no it does not. Now you got
about 30 seconds to get up off
my property.
60
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,136
But, Tony!
61
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,571
It's, it's alright Lisa.
62
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:53,441
I mean I'm actually gonna have
to side with Tony on this one.
63
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,843
'Cause if I came
home and saw my wife
64
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,111
bein' stretched out
by a guy like me...
65
00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:01,882
Oh-ho-ho baby, it
wouldn't be pretty.
66
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,451
Yeah that's right.
67
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:06,887
If you don't get your ol' big
Cam Newton chin lookin' ass up
outa my house-
68
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:11,024
- Tony!
- No, no, no, no.
It's cool, it's cool.
69
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,026
Here go my card, brother.
70
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,729
Just in case you ever
need a personal trainer.
71
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,600
You know you kinda lookin' like
you gettin' a little heavy in
there.
72
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,835
Thick Ross, huh!
73
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,938
Woah, woah, woah, okay! You
ain't goin' through my house.
74
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:29,377
Now take your big
extra-on-a-slave movie lookin'
ass around the side.
75
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:34,915
Really? Rea- what's that? Wha-?
76
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:41,555
Tony, why would you do
something like that?
77
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,757
What? Whaaat?
78
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:47,828
I told you I was
getting a trainer!
79
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,497
You said it was a good idea.
80
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:52,500
Yeah, I-I-it was a good idea.
If you get a female trainer.
81
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,302
That's sexist.
82
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,670
Now I'm appalled. I'm appalled
that you didn't hire a female
trainer in the first place.
83
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,406
This is not a women's
rights issue, okay?
84
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,675
This is a you not supporting
me issue. That's what it is.
85
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:04,312
I, no, I support you getting a
female trainer. Or a male
86
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,615
trainer that's blind and
ain't got no hands.
87
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,583
- Look now let's just change the
subject, okay?
- Yes.
88
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,385
Donnie wants to come over for
dinner and he's bringing a new
89
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:12,886
female friend he
wants us to meet.
90
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,723
Aw, no, I'm not tryin' to meet
some floozy Donnie met on the
internet.
91
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,326
- And I wasn't plannin'
on cooking.
- Oh no, she's cooking.
92
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,428
Come on, you know we the only
family that boy got.
93
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,963
Yeah, can't we be the kind
of family he only sees at
94
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,498
weddings and funerals?
95
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,899
Alright let's go on inside.
96
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,669
- Let me make sure this fool
ain't around the side.
- Come on, Tony!
97
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,705
[MUSIC]
98
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,977
Alright, this food
was delicious.
99
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,680
What I tell you man,
can she cook?
100
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,982
I'm so glad you guys
enjoyed the food. Yeah.
101
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,252
Lisa you, but you-you
did not like, or?
102
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:48,255
Oh! Oh no, I, I would
have liked it, but I'm just
103
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,891
I'm watching my cholesterol.
104
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,393
Wait, how did you guys meet?
105
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:56,129
Uh, so we at the DMV, and
Maria was getting her license.
106
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,732
Donnie was getting his
off of suspension...
107
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:02,202
Yeah, yeah, and uh,
I got the digits.
108
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:07,040
Well he actually heard me give
them to the lady at the counter.
109
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:10,544
But, he's still so cute!
110
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:13,547
Isn't that romantic? Isn't that
the best story you guys ever
heard?
111
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:16,917
So romantic! They should
make that into a movie.
112
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,553
Mm-mm, no, a TV show called
"Donnie and Maria".
113
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:22,556
[STIFLED LAUGH]
114
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:27,461
Mm, I don't think so man. It's
not really catchy, it'd never
work.
115
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:31,499
I was so glad that I am here to
break of the bread of you.
116
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,034
Yes, he tells me all the time
how important you two are to
him.
117
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,504
Yeah, he's a good friend.
118
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,039
I'm glad you guys are getting a
long man, everybody's happy.
119
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,209
I'm really excited because we
got some good news, man.
120
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,421
[MUSIC]
121
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,823
You-you guys are
getting married?
122
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,927
Yeah man, jumpin' the broom,
gettin' hitched, the whole nine
dog.
123
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,864
Yeah, well let-let me be the
first to offer my
congratulations. That's...
124
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:07,000
that's, ah, so, ah so how did
Donnie propose?
125
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:10,237
I didn't even have to.
Yeah, she proposed to me.
126
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,741
You know? You know the ladies
love me. LL Cool D.
127
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,909
Ladies love Cool Donnie.
128
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,512
How many ladies
love Cool Donnie?
129
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:21,549
Oh, just you baby! Just you.
130
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,051
So did y'all set a date yet?
131
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,819
Sí, este Viernes.
132
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:30,891
Eh, wait, uh, my Spanish is a
little rusty, uh, is that this
Friday?
133
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:35,563
Sí, yeah, este Viernes.
Friday at the courthouse.
134
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,230
We want you guys
to be the witnesses.
135
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,900
Ah man, I'm from the hood brah,
I ain't nobody's witness.
136
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,970
Don't listen to him. Okay? We
will definitely be your
witnesses.
137
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,672
I can help you with the dishes?
138
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:49,176
You better go help with that
yellow dress, shine on 'em baby!
139
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,679
- Can I talk to you
over there real quick?
- Can't we just talk over here?
140
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,715
Come, bring your ass over.
141
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,151
What's up? She fine, right?
142
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,154
Yeah, she bad. Listen.
Are you out of your mind?
143
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:05,659
- What're you talkin' about?
- What? You just met this girl,
and you're getting married?
144
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:09,797
Oh, that? Ah, man, that's just
for her green card. I didn't
tell you over there?
145
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,332
Yeah man, but keep that.
146
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:15,368
Keep that on the low, right
there underneath. Huh?
147
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:18,506
Hold on, wai- you can't marry a
girl just for her green card.
148
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,841
- Why not?
- Uh, for starters, it's
illegal.
149
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,243
For starters, she's
giving me ten grand.
150
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,178
- Pesos or dollars?
- Dollars, Ton'.
151
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:30,150
Ducats. Shillings. Cha-ching!
All of that. Plus...
152
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,619
I think I'm in love with her.
153
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,053
You think you're
in love with her?
154
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:36,857
Yeah man, I can't be
for sure until I hit it.
155
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,027
And I do wanna hit it. But...
156
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:43,130
I don't know man, I just think
after we get the green card
and...
157
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:47,400
she's spent some time with me, I
just... wonder if she want to
stay married.
158
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:48,802
That is a terrible plan.
159
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,238
Well worst case scenario,
I still got 10 grand.
160
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,206
Worst case scenario,
you'll get ten years.
161
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,543
Man do you know how many
cigarettes I could buy with 10
grand?
162
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:58,546
I could buy the top
bunk for 10 grand.
163
00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:01,615
[MUSIC]
164
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,820
And my husband was so
jealous of the trainer!
165
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,557
- Don't you hate that?
- Oh! I was embarrassed.
166
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,025
I'm sure, I'm sure. Well listen,
167
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,795
Let me just do one last little
survey, can you stand up for me?
168
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,729
Oh, sure.
169
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,397
Exactly, spin around.
Let me just look.
170
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,266
- Let me see what
we got goin' on.
- Oh, okay, I just...
171
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,135
- Spin, spin, spin,
spin, spin, spin.
- Alright, okay.
172
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,004
- Alright.
- Was that good?
- Yeah.
173
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,907
A little crinkly, but it's okay.
It's okay, we're gonna fix it.
174
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,676
And I'll tell you what
we're gonna do to fix it.
175
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,644
First we're gonna do
your nutritional plan.
176
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,080
Because I really think that's
gonna get your cholesterol
in check.
177
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,783
Then we can slide into
the fitness stuff.
178
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:39,452
That's, that's great. Because to
be honest, I haven't worked out
in months.
179
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,856
- I could tell.
- Really?
180
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:45,859
Yeah, but that's okay. Because
what we're gonna do when we
get to the fitness part
181
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,262
is we're gonna have fun. And
we're gonna keep it nice and
light. A little walking
182
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:52,099
little stretching, some
yoga, some dance.
183
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,401
- Keep it hot, right?
- Right.
184
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:58,806
Hey, uh, do you think the uh,
the dancing will help my, my
butt?
185
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:03,076
Um, I'm a trainer.
Not a miracle worker.
186
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,113
[MUSIC]
187
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,353
[SNORING]
188
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,521
[DOOR OPENS]
189
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,225
- Lisa!
- Oh! Where's my pistol?
190
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:21,194
It's 6 a.m. and it's time for
you to get your ass up!
191
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,631
I thought we was
meeting at 10 Tracy.
192
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,899
Yeah well I thought you was
serious about getting in shape.
193
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,870
* I don't know if you've been
told, but Tracy's here and it's
time to roll! *
194
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,706
Let's go! You got 4 minutes and
30 seconds to get your ass
195
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,008
in gear and get downstairs!
196
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,045
And next time, make
sure you lock the door.
197
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:43,116
Don't look at me, she look like
she could beat my ass.
198
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:46,153
You heard him! Don't
make me beat that ass!
199
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,555
- Let's go!
- Okay.
200
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,658
- Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Okay.
201
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,293
- I'm going.
- Come on, come on! Knees up,
knees up, knees up!
202
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,662
Go, go, go!
203
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,664
I think I, I gotta
get my sports bra!
204
00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:59,767
They didn't have sports bras in
Africa, and they ran for miles.
Let's go!
205
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,770
Let's go!
206
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,206
- Hide me Tony!
- What's up?
- Hide me!
207
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,541
- Hide you from who?
- Tracy.
208
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,679
Oh no, no, no. Come on now. You
wanted me to be your support
system.
209
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,313
Thought you wanted me
to hold you accountable.
210
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,683
[OUT OF BREATH]
No! That was before
I met her Tony.
211
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,752
She got me doin' wind sprints.
I can't breathe!
212
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,655
I can't breathe!
Wind sprints, lunges,
213
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,658
sit ups, lunges! I can't, I-
[GASPING]
214
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:27,995
I can't do no more lunges Tony I
can't do no more lunges!
215
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,964
You-you can quit if you want to.
216
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:33,066
But then you have to
go on that medication.
217
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:36,804
Okay, you're right.
You're right. I'm not,
I'm not gonna quit.
218
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,139
I'm not gonna quit.
I'm not gonna quit.
219
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,142
- Just give me a little bite
of that pancake.
- Hell no!
220
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,711
- Come on now.
- Please, Tony!
221
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:48,148
Now what kind of support system
would I be if I gave you some of
these delicious
222
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,751
buttery... mm! Damn, they good!
223
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,420
Like I can't give you none of
this, baby. That would be wrong,
that would be wrong of me.
224
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,355
- Okay.
- [TRACY] Last 3 miles, Lisa!
225
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,358
Oh my god, I gotta get my breath
back. In the mancave, in the
mancave!
226
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,461
[TRACY LAUGHING]
227
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,999
- Where's she at?
- She in the mancave.
228
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:09,102
- Ooh, 4 inch pancake,
85 calories.
- Mm-hmm.
229
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:12,105
- 2000 left. I'll save you some.
- Okay. Lisa!
230
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:15,142
You can run, but with all
that ass, you can't hide!
231
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,748
I trusted you Tony!
232
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,249
I'm doin' this for you baby!
233
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,285
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
234
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,792
Ah, ooh! Pancakes!
Let me get in on that.
235
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,795
Go ahead. Here, man.
236
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,865
What's up young player? Man,
how's the uh, wedding plans
going?
237
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:41,134
Ah you mean ex-player. Yeah man,
you know what? The green
238
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,271
card marriage ain't as easy as I
thought. They not just handin'
'em out.
239
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,875
- How so?
- Well, you know, they wanna
send somebody out to do a
240
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:51,578
"interview" to make sure that my
marriage is "real".
241
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,047
And all of that stuff. You know,
it's like they don't trust a
brothah.
242
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,516
Hey man, if it's part of the
process, it's part of the
process.
243
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,619
Yeah, yeah. So uh, they'll be
here tomorrow around 3.
244
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,688
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean here?
245
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:04,792
Oh yeah man, they wanted to come
at noon, but I was like that's
way too early.
246
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:08,461
You know, people got a job. You
can't just pop up at noon.
247
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,430
- No.
- Come on, Ton'.
248
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,965
It's just for the interview. I
just want to use the house for
249
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,901
the interview, man. I can't
take her to my apartment.
250
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:16,904
- I ain't even got a bedroom.
- No, you are on your own on
this one, bro.
251
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,038
What am I supposed to do?
252
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:21,074
Send her back to Mexico,
and you go with her.
253
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,044
Mexico?
254
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,815
She's Canadian, Tony. You don't
think there's any Hispanic
people in Canada?
255
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,516
Her family's from Toronto!
256
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,818
Lisa wouldn't go for it.
257
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,987
What type of marriage are you in
brother? Who's wearin' the pants
258
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:38,125
is what I want to know. I can't
wait to get married to show you
how it's supposed to go.
259
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:41,161
- Brah.
- Hmm?
- No.
260
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:46,099
I guess you don't want to be cut
in on this 10 grand.
261
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,736
- How big of a cut?
- Oh, you know, I could deal you
in for about 20%
262
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,005
You owe me more
than that already.
263
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:55,008
- Alright, 40.
- Deal.
264
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:57,845
40 pesos.
265
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,083
[TONY] Your
interview is tomorrow.
266
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,519
And they gonna ask you some
pretty personal questions, so
you gotta be on the same page.
267
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,688
Okay? Alright. For example.
268
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,423
- Have you consummated
the relationship yet?
269
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,459
- Yes.
- No.
270
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,230
Now by consummate, what do you
mean exactly?
271
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,867
- Are you two sleeping together?
- Yes!
- No.
272
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:23,370
See? Right there. You would've
failed the interview. Y'all
gotta be on the same page.
273
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,373
- So I say we get married
Friday afternoon.
- Mm-hmm.
274
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,942
Friday night, we seal the deal.
275
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,611
Okay, so, your official story is
276
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,514
you'll consummate on Friday.
Good. Alright, next question.
277
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,417
- How'd you two meet?
- I told you Ton' at the DMV the
other day.
278
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,319
Not for me, for the interview!
279
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:44,391
- Oh,okay, uh, well in that
case... we met in Paris.
- What?
280
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:47,027
- How could you meet in Paris?
You don't even have a passport.
- No.
281
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,898
- Paris hotel, Ton'! Use your
imagination.
- Yes, in Vegas!
282
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:53,901
I was visiting my cousin.
We went to a show!
283
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,903
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Siegfried and Roy!
- Yes!
284
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,571
And the tiger start eatin'
everybody, right?
285
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,641
And then, I use my
instinct to save Maria.
286
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,344
It was a gruesome scene. Damn
shame what happened to her
cousin.
287
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,780
But I could only save Maria. And
then we got close at her
cousin's funeral.
288
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:12,385
Perfecto! Yes. God bless
Rosalinda's soul.
289
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:15,388
Okay, I think we could simplify
that and just say you met in
Vegas.
290
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,391
Okay cool. And if they axe us
anymore, I'll say "hey man
291
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,493
- whatever happens in Vegas...
- Stays in Vegas.
292
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:24,164
- Yeah! See man? We already
finishing each others'
- Sentences!
293
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,034
We gonna be serving a jail
sentence if y'all don't get his
right.
294
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:31,138
Alright, okay. N-n-next
question. Uh, how long have you
been together?
295
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:34,174
- Three years.
- Uh, three days.
296
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,645
[DOORBELL]
297
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,515
Hello. I'm Vincent
Jenkins with the INS.
298
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,118
Hey, we're the soon-to-be
McDonald's, and I'm Donnie.
299
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:48,055
And I'm his soon-to-be
wife, Maria.
300
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,058
Donnie and Maria. That's cute.
301
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,160
- May I come in?
- Yeah, come on in man. Uh...
302
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:56,163
have a seat right here,
on our couch. Where
all of our guests sit.
303
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,364
Isn't that right, honey?
304
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:03,170
Yes, we love having
guests in our home.
305
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,005
And you are?
306
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,474
'Sup. Ton'.
307
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,477
And how are you related
to the soon-to-be couple?
308
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,480
- Uhh...
- He's our butler.
309
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,982
Your wha- I'm your what?
310
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,884
Our 40%. He's our
butler, you know.
311
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,287
Would you mind getting me
a bottle of water, please?
312
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,123
- How 'bout an ass-whuppin'?
- Go get the water, Ton'.
313
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,626
[THROUGH GRITTED TEETH]
Get you ass over...
314
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,030
It's so hard to find
good help these days.
315
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,999
- Question.
- Mm-hmm?
316
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:35,235
Why do you have pictures of
your butler all over the house?
317
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,538
They sho' is all around
the house. Uh...
318
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,507
You know what? Explanation.
319
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,510
See he has mental issues. So
what we like to do is, let him
320
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:47,447
surround himself with familiar
faces, so he doesn't go
postal on us.
321
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,617
- You know what I'm talkin'
about, Mr. Jenkins?
- No.
322
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,787
Not really. So, what do
you two do for a living?
323
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:58,425
Well, I'm a hustler. You know. I
slang everythang from Frisco to
Maine.
324
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:02,495
So you work in Maine. That's
close to Canada. Is that where
the two of you met?
325
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,298
Uh, no, no. Not exactly.
326
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:09,202
Yeah, it's a long story, uh,
y-uh-a tiger ate her cousin.
327
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,638
Mm-hmm. At a show.
328
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,641
- I'm not sure I follow.
- Here's your water.
329
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:17,677
[GASPING]
330
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,884
[TRACY] 85 miles is practice
Lisa! We not done!
331
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,920
I'm runnin' that
ass in the ground!
332
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,060
Let me get you another water.
333
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:37,130
Not that it's any of my
business, but um... who was
that?
334
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:42,135
Umm, uh, honey, you want
to help me on this one?
335
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,938
- Neighbors.
- Mm-hmm.
336
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:50,510
Why is one of those neighbors in
all of these pictures with your
butler?
337
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:54,114
Um... that is his ex-wife.
338
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,883
Right? See they got married,
she kicked him to the curb
339
00:16:56,916 --> 00:17:01,154
and that's how he end up stayin'
here workin' for us.
340
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,490
So, your-your butler,
and your neighbor-
341
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:06,359
Look man, I know it's crazy,
okay brother? But this is the
new normal.
342
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:09,362
Alright? Any other
questions you have?
343
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,365
You know what Mr. McDonald?
It's not crazy at all.
344
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,368
See, when most people try to
trick the system with a fake
marriage
345
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:19,472
they try to set up this
well-orchestrated,
picture-perfect scene.
346
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,942
And this is as far from
picture-perfect as I ever seen.
347
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:26,413
So... what does that mean?
348
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:30,450
I'm gonna submit in my report as
this being a real marriage.
349
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,920
I don't have much faith
in your union...
350
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:37,824
I'll give it a year. But it's a
real marriage.
351
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,160
Thank you man.
Thank you so much!
352
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,529
- Have a nice life. Wow.
- You too, man!
353
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,532
Okay. Pleasure.
354
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,501
- Yeah.
- Alright.
355
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,276
[TONY] Now I didn't think you'd
pull it off man, but you did it
man.
356
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,612
Hey, I didn't either Ton'.
It's crazy man, I guess
357
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,149
Donnie and Maria make a
better team than I thought.
358
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:05,185
Yeah, I mean, I guess you're
right. And you know what?
359
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:08,288
You have earned
this fair and square.
360
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:11,057
- 10 grand.
- Where's your accent?
361
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:15,462
- I'm from Canada.
- Alright.
362
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:18,665
Look uh, I can't accept this.
363
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,832
Say what?
364
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,468
The more I think about it, I
mean, it's blossomed into
365
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,170
something more
than I thought, and
366
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:27,174
I got feelings for you like,
I-I wanna stay married.
367
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:31,278
Donnie... I really like you too.
368
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,314
But...
369
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:35,915
There's somebody else.
370
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,185
- You been cheatin' on me?
- No!
371
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:42,422
I've been dating my boyfriend
for the past 8 years.
372
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,091
So I'm your dirty little
side piece, huh?
373
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:48,094
I got a idea. Why don't you
leave him for me? What does he
have that I ain't got?
374
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:51,498
Well first, there's a deep bond.
A cultural heritage.
375
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:54,567
Oh, what is he, one of those
big buff Latin brothers?
376
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,736
[KNOCKING] Not quite.
377
00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:00,207
Actually, that should be
him right now. I wanted
you to meet him.
378
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:03,776
Donnie... meet Reggie.
379
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:08,215
[JAMAICAN ACCENT]
How's it goin' mon?
380
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:12,919
Thank you so much for helpin'
my girl get her green card.
381
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,221
Wait a minute, you're
datin' a Jamaican?
382
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,623
I thought you said y'all
shared a cultural heritage.
383
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,758
He's from Canada too.
384
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,728
Ya mon! There's more
of us Jamaican in
385
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,064
Canada now than in Jamaica.
386
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:28,067
Me family's from Vancouver,
you know?
387
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:31,070
We love bobsledding, mon.
388
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,240
Butler, will you escort these
people out of my house?
389
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,074
Call me butler one
more time, Donnie.
390
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:40,347
Listen mon, my fake green card
marriage is this Saturday.
391
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:44,684
I would love for you to
come and be a witness.
392
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,422
Alright, alright babe. Well...
393
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,024
Thanks again Donnie.
For everything.
394
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:56,095
I'll see you at our wedding?
Friday?
395
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:02,669
- Come on babe.
- Nice meetin' you mon.
396
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,841
Yeah I wish the tiger would'a
ate you instead of your cousin!
397
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,479
Tough break Donnie, but at least
you still got that 10 grand.
398
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,915
Yeah... I guess I better cash it
before I do this.
399
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,150
Do what?
400
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,852
[PHONE RINGING]
401
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:23,122
Yeah, Mr. Jenkins? Yeah, hey how
you doin' man, it's Donnie, you
just left my house.
402
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:26,125
Hey look, the marriage is off
man. Don't issue no license or
nothin'.
403
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,695
And as a matter of fact,
I got a hot tip
404
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,998
On another green card marriage
goin' down on Saturday, alright?
405
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:35,368
Deport both they ass back
to Canada! Huh? Yeah.
406
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:38,271
Alright. This don't blow
back on me, does it?
407
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,907
Alright, cool, thanks.
408
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,910
- You a cold piece of work.
- Yeah, and I got $10,000 man.
409
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,211
What do you say we go spend it?
410
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,213
- Alright, let's do that.
- Wha-oh, wait.
411
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,450
I got student loans,
I owe you 5,000...
412
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:54,220
Let's just hit the Rib Shack.
You payin', right?
413
00:20:57,223 --> 00:21:00,427
[TONY] Ooh! I can't wait to get
a full 8 hours of sleep
414
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:04,063
tonight! Oh, that's right.
She-Hulk gonna be here at 6 in
the morning to
415
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,667
- train you, huh?
- As a matter of fact,
she will not.
416
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,137
What? You quit already? Lisa, I
am so disappointed in you.
417
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,606
Whatever. Make me those
pancakes in the morning.
418
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,442
What about your cholesterol?
419
00:21:15,475 --> 00:21:19,346
You know I can train myself. I
bought a DVD, you know we could
do 30 minutes in the morning.
420
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,481
We? Can't I just
take them pills?
421
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:24,250
- Tony, really?
- Alright, alright.
422
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,653
How about we just increase
the bedmill time?
423
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,555
- Put it on maximum speed?
- Pssh!
424
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:31,591
Forget cardio, I think you
need to focus on getting
that weight up.
425
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,561
Baby, the weight is up.
426
00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:37,597
[MUSIC]
36361
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