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1
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,641
( sighs )
2
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,510
( winces )
3
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,413
Stupid.
4
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,849
( yawns )
5
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,022
( sighs )
6
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,391
Well, wasn't that
a splendid trip?!
7
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,659
- Shh!
- Shh!
8
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,396
Golly jeez, Vivian.
9
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:31,332
My head is splitting open.
10
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,202
Know what you mean.
I feel like my brain
is swelling up.
11
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,071
Oh, so it's
finally the size
12
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,507
of a normal
human brain now?
13
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,342
This comin' from
a woman who thought
14
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,911
"How to Get Away
with Murder" was
gonna teach you how.
15
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,180
Hey, man,
speaking of murder,
16
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,848
ain't we
missing somebody?
17
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,351
Mm, my brother.
Todd's still
at the craps tables.
18
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,720
If he doesn't come home
in the next few days,
19
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,022
I might start thinking
he has a gambling problem.
20
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:59,860
Oh, Vivian,
lower your voice, please.
21
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,096
Girl, why aren't
you hung over?
22
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,797
I stayed hydrated.
23
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,933
It's the most important thing
you can do.
24
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,205
I'm also not hung over.
25
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:12,640
You're not hung over,
Donnie?
26
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,608
Nah, I'm still drunk.
27
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,744
- ( gags, vomits )
- Ohh!
28
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,449
* Woke up,
and my wife said to me *
29
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,651
* "The bill collectors
want their piece" *
30
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,120
* Kids keep
talking back to me *
31
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,788
* Family time
32
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:33,127
* Family time,
family time, family time. *
33
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,937
Whew.
34
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,439
Eh, I guess
what happens in Vegas
35
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,475
really does
stay in Vegas,
like Todd.
36
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,977
Must have been
one hell of a night.
37
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:52,980
( slurps )
38
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:56,817
I don't remember
anything from Vegas.
39
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,320
Oh, all I remember
was that--
40
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:03,090
that cocktail waitress
that was Vivian's friend.
41
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,359
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
42
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,860
She kept giving us
free drinks.
43
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,597
Right. That's why
we were so drunk.
44
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,931
How did you know her?
45
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,933
I told you,
46
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,569
the Nevada State
Correctional Facility
for Women.
47
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,372
Oh, that's right.
48
00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,441
We found out she did
six months in prison.
49
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,709
For what?
50
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,777
Fiduciary misbehavior
51
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:27,114
that involved electronic
misappropriation of funds.
52
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,616
Credit card fraud?
53
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,118
Tomatoes, tomahtoes.
54
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,720
No offense, Vivian,
55
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,456
but I just don't see you
as the prison type.
56
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,291
Well, neither did
the other inmates,
57
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,228
which is why I was forced
to do unspeakable things
58
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,663
on my first day
just to command their respect.
59
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:45,966
They called me "She-Shank,"
but I digress.
60
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,802
Honestly,
I'm way more afraid
of Vivian now...
61
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,405
and a lot more
attracted to her.
62
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:52,473
Didn't something
happen to Lori?
63
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,242
Aw, man.
64
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,143
So she met some guy
at a casino, right?
65
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,412
I'm thinkin' he was
a sheik or somethin',
66
00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:01,982
'cause, honey, he took me
shoppin' at the outlet mall.
67
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,017
The outlet malls.
Whoo!
68
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,354
Making it rain.
Giving you FUBU.
( laughs )
69
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,090
Y'all just gettin'
a real giggle out of this.
70
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,192
I'm confused.
Are y'all jealous
71
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,262
'cause my man
treated me like a queen?
72
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,029
Your man?
73
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,365
Boo, that was Vegas.
74
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,066
You ain't gonna
never see him again.
75
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,535
And what about the ceremony?
I mean, this whole Vegas trip
76
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,003
was so that Lisa and I
can renew our vows,
77
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,438
and I don't even
remember that.
78
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,408
All I remember
is us all being
in a chapel.
79
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,710
Hmm.
80
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:30,711
( slurps )
81
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,347
I remember a minister.
82
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,715
Oh, wait,
or was that Elvis?
83
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,917
Both.
84
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,218
No, I remember
somebody kissing.
85
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,753
I just found
a photo album
86
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:43,424
from the Vegas
Hitch and Ditch
Wedding Chapel.
87
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,859
I don't remember,
but at least I
have pictures.
88
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,728
Okay, okay.
Let's see.
89
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,162
Oh, my God!
90
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,601
- What's wrong with you?
- No!
91
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,536
Whose weave is on fire?
92
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,570
W-what happened?
93
00:03:56,604 --> 00:04:01,108
No! Donnie,
what did you do?!
94
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,044
Donnie, I think
you and Rachel
got married.
95
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,880
Now I remember.
I bought you guys
wedding rings.
96
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,482
It was my credit card
this time.
97
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,785
No.
98
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,554
Well, congratulations,
you guys.
99
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,788
Mazel tov.
100
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,156
- ( sobs )
- ( clapping )
101
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,658
Shut up,
She-Shank.
102
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,998
Now, I know I was drunk,
but I couldn't have
103
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,000
possibly been
drunk enough
to marry Donnie.
104
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,069
Heh. I hope
we got drunk enough
105
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,071
to consummate
the marriage.
106
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,507
It ain't that much
liquor in the world.
107
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,309
Here's
the marriage
license.
108
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,011
Tony and I signed
as your witnesses.
109
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,147
Simple mistake.
The minister was
already there
110
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,082
to renew Tony
and Lisa's vows.
111
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,584
Okay, okay.
No big deal.
112
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,918
No big deal,
all right.
113
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,654
We just accidentally
got married.
114
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,856
I'm sure this thing
happens all the time
in Vegas, right?
115
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,424
We'll just--
we'll just
get it annulled.
116
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:52,192
Absolutely not.
117
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,761
Not how I was raised.
118
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,597
No divorce. No annulment.
Marriage is for life.
119
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,499
( laughs )
120
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,000
You can't
possibly think
121
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,602
this marriage is
gonna work, Donnie.
122
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,304
Why not, baby? You know,
I'll provide for us...
123
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,607
once I get a job.
124
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,108
But, I mean, until then,
125
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,677
you know,
you could provide for us.
126
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,145
( laughing )
127
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,522
Did you forget,
little detail,
128
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,157
that I-- ahem--
I like women?
129
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,995
Did you forget
the little detail
that I do, too?
130
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,963
We got so much in common!
131
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,499
The man has a point.
132
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,635
Where are you goin'?
133
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,170
To tell my mama
her baby boy got married.
134
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,974
We're not married!
135
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,476
Don't you call
that woman!
136
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,678
Girl, I just
can't believe
137
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,880
Rachel married
worse than you.
138
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,149
I can't believe
you married--
139
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,651
oh, that's right.
You're not married.
140
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,686
( laughing )
141
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:58,492
My husband Todd is gambling
our life savings away.
142
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:00,761
I'm sorry. I know that wasn't
part of our conversation,
143
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,663
but it's just
where my mind was.
144
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,998
I'll show myself out.
145
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,935
Yeah, I think
I'm gonna go, too.
146
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,437
I've got a date.
147
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,439
With your
baller boyfriend?
148
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,940
Oh, yes, baby-doll.
149
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,508
Hey, I remember my man.
150
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:18,278
Tall, light-skinned,
green eyes, rich, yes.
151
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:22,683
Um, baby,
I'm kind of bummed
152
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,917
that we didn't
renew our vows.
153
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,018
Well,
at least we had
154
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,454
a fun Vegas trip
out of it.
155
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,121
Vegas is more for you.
156
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,757
You weren't saying that
at the blackjack table.
157
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,224
- I didn't play blackjack.
- Yeah, well,
158
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,926
I played enough
for the both of us.
159
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,896
By the way, we might
not be able to send
Devin to college.
160
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:39,800
We've already been
through the fact that he
ain't goin' anyway.
161
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,535
Okay, you know what?
162
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,936
- Ohh! Ow!
- Oh. Uh-oh.
163
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,237
- What's wrong?
- Ohh.
164
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,606
- Mm. Hangover.
- You okay, baby?
165
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,240
Kneeled down
too fast.
I'm good. I'm good.
166
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,576
( clears throat )
167
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,078
Lisa Stallworth,
168
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,080
will you make me
a very happy man
169
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,414
and renew our vows
this weekend?
170
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,083
No trip this time.
171
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,118
I'll hire
a pastor to do it
in the backyard.
172
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,087
( chuckles )
Yes, Tony.
173
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,655
- Mm.
- Yes, yes,
174
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,090
a thousand times yes.
175
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,726
All right,
now help me up.
176
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,227
- You know, I--
- Uh-oh. Okay.
177
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,597
Yeah. You know
I got knees like
Derrick Rose.
178
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,236
Now, Tone,
I'm a bit confused.
179
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,840
I thought you and Lisa
were already married.
180
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,609
Come on, man.
We're not getting
married again.
181
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,076
We're just
renewing our vows.
182
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,078
What's the point?
You already did it once.
183
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,914
Because it's romantic.
184
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,917
Oh, he lookin'
for romance.
185
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,920
All you gotta do
is you do some of that
stinky cheese, hmm,
186
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,454
some cheap wine,
187
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:37,190
and then you
get it crackin'.
188
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,759
That's
what I do.
189
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,128
But I don't need
no help gettin' it
crackin', bro.
190
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,596
I just need help
writin' my vows.
191
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,264
Ooh ooh! What up?!
192
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,133
Stop everythin', fellas.
193
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,201
Ain't nothin'
important right now
except for me, man.
194
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,137
- I got some big news.
- Donnie, Donnie,
195
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,805
you do not have to make
an announcement
196
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:54,207
every time
the McRib comes back.
197
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,143
This ain't about
the McRib, man.
198
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,648
I'm a married man,
brothers.
199
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,282
Oh, okay. Okay, what--
200
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,884
Hold up.
Wait a minute, Donnie.
201
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,319
You got married,
and your boy didn't
get an invite?
202
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:07,821
Ah, because there
wasn't a real weddin'.
203
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,156
Oh.
204
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,791
Hey, Tony,
you better stop
with all that
205
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,192
"it wasn't
a real weddin'"
nonsense, man.
206
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,127
It's on paper.
It's real.
207
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,328
So who's
the unlucky lady?
208
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,297
Hah. Glad you asked.
209
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,067
Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you
Mrs. Donnie.
210
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,836
( entry bell
chimes )
211
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:23,837
( gasps )
212
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,906
Wait a--
( laughs )
213
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,407
You married
Rachel.
214
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,042
That means--
215
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,644
ha ha!
Wait a minute.
216
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,246
Donnie is
your brother-in-law.
217
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,748
Ah, don't remind me.
218
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,685
Listen, Donnie,
the only reason
I'm here
219
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,087
is to get you
to sign these
annulment papers.
220
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,156
Uh-uh. Can't do it.
221
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,692
Marriage is for life.
222
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,493
You are my wife
for life.
223
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,662
But we didn't
even consummate
the marriage.
224
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:49,897
Heh. Yes, we did.
225
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,365
Hah.
226
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,001
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. How--
227
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,036
how do you know
we did if you
don't remember?
228
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,238
How do you know
we didn't if you
don't remember?
229
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,641
And the tie
goes to the runner.
Can I get some?
230
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,577
Donnie, this is
very important.
231
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,778
Did you,
or did you not?
232
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,114
- Yes, I did.
- No, he didn't.
233
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,782
Well, hold on.
This is an easy fix.
234
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,184
Just consummate again.
235
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,686
I'm game.
236
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,955
( scoffs )
I'm goin' back
to the lawyer.
237
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,591
But, baby, wait! No--
238
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,027
one second.
239
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,528
Hey, baby, wait now!
240
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,963
If we gotta
bring other women
241
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,431
into this marriage
to make this work,
242
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,833
that's a sacrifice
I'm willin' to make!
243
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,037
I'm a team player...
244
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,239
from the Himalayas!
245
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,242
( laughs )
246
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,214
You know what's weird?
247
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,984
I was the one
who originally pushed
for this vow renewal,
248
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,886
and now I'm havin'
a hard time writin' mine.
249
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,621
What's weird about that?
250
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,958
How can anyone
be expected to write
nice things about Tony?
251
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:52,893
Oh, Lori, I just love
your new scarf.
252
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,228
( laughs )
This old thing?
253
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,397
Oh, no, that is
no old thing.
254
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,566
Isn't that
the scarf we saw
a couple weeks ago
255
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,235
and you said you
wanted, but it was
out of your budget?
256
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,004
Well, a couple
of weeks ago,
it was,
257
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,673
but not now.
258
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,241
Oh, don't tell me
your little baller
got it for you.
259
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,810
Honey, if I
have to tell,
260
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,478
you don't need
to know.
261
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,846
Okay.
262
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,082
( women chuckling )
263
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,316
What you guys up to?
264
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,818
Not much.
265
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,653
Now, Aunt Viv,
266
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,488
is it true that you
went to prison?
267
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,691
Is that why you got on
all them stripes?
268
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,192
Did you shank anybody?
269
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,260
Okay, now, kids,
what did I tell
you two
270
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,862
about asking
rude questions?
271
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,530
No, no, no,
it's all right.
272
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,365
The children
are just curious.
273
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:36,103
Yes, I did go to prison
for doing a bad thing.
274
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,938
Now who wants to see
my prison tattoo?
275
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,206
Ooh, me.
276
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,841
I normally cover it up
with tattoo makeup,
277
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:43,510
- but there it is.
- Ooh, Viv.
278
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,845
You have
a prison tattoo.
279
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,013
Four.
280
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,547
Well, Todd loves it.
281
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,017
It makes him feel
like he married
a bad girl.
282
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,119
Hmm. Teardrops.
Aren't those supposed to be
283
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,620
- under your eyes?
- yeah.
284
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,188
Well, not
on this gorgeous face.
285
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,690
- I think not.
- Okay, kids.
286
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,625
That's enough.
Go do your homework.
287
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,162
But we want
to hear stories
from the Big House.
288
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,831
Lisa, allow me.
289
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,135
( chuckles )
Sweet children.
290
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,137
Homework now!
291
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,371
Sorry, Aunt Viv!
292
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,674
I think they're
more afraid of you
293
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,176
than they are of me.
294
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,211
If you had to do
what I did to survive
295
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,380
in the slammer,
you'd be scared of me, too.
296
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,383
Okay, how 'bout
we move on?
297
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,885
Lisa, read to us
what you've written.
298
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,686
Oh, okay.
299
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,356
"Tony,
there are no words."
300
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,825
And...?
301
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,693
And that's it.
There are no words.
302
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,165
I mean, all this
vow writing's
303
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,200
got me thinkin'
that maybe I don't
even know Tony.
304
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,035
Well, Lisa,
keep it simple.
305
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,905
Just put what's
in your heart on paper.
306
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,174
Yeah, but I keep
coming to a blank.
307
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,176
So, I mean,
what does that mean?
308
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,078
Am I sleeping
next to a stranger?
309
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,579
Do I even love him,
310
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,015
or am I just with him
out of convenience?
311
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,516
Convenience?
I thought
312
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,018
you were with him
out of pity.
313
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,252
Lori.
314
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,321
I say it with love.
315
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:07,761
Well, can I least
get an estimated
time of arrival?
316
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,596
No? Damn it.
317
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,064
I mean, darn it.
Sorry, Pastor.
318
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,700
( sighs )
319
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,302
Ooh, all right,
all right. ( laughs )
320
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,604
All right, all right.
Mm! ( laughs )
321
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,738
Thank you, baby.
322
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,707
Um, everything okay?
323
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,242
Oh, yeah. The pastor's
runnin' late,
324
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,444
and my parents
aren't gonna be
able to make it.
325
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,479
They gotta go to Vegas
and bail Todd out again.
326
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,248
- What--
- But don't worry.
327
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,283
This is our day.
Everything is gonna
be perfect.
328
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,785
- ( groans )
- Mm-hmm. Mm.
329
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,553
Now, I wrote some
pretty awesome vows,
330
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,055
if I do
say so myself.
331
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,456
( chuckles )
You gonna love 'em.
332
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,457
How'd yours come out?
333
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,793
Uh, great.
334
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,829
They came out really great.
I think you'll love 'em.
335
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,397
Nice. So is
there anything
I can help you with?
336
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,733
No, everything is
pretty much taken care of.
337
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,069
The kids have been
a really great help.
338
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,637
You talking
about our kids?
339
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,672
How'd you get
our kids to help?
340
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,241
Would you like
a "horse d'ver"?
341
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,176
It's pronounced
hors d'oeuvres, dummy.
342
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,145
Hey! No arguing
in front of
the guests.
343
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,513
Let's move it.
Keep going down
the chow line.
344
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,082
Let's go.
345
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,184
Hmm. Wow.
346
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,752
Tony:
I see.
347
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:09,089
Ah, aha.
348
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,590
So this is the place,
huh, baby?
349
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,992
I likes. I likes.
350
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,229
Hey, baby,
where's that crapper at?
351
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,532
Ahem. It's right there,
through there.
352
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,534
- Excuse me one.
- Um...
353
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,937
who is that?
354
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:25,705
That is my date Mac.
355
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:28,775
Your date?
Where on planet Earth
did you meet him?
356
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,377
I met him in Vegas.
357
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,279
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
358
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,214
Is that that baller
that we've been hearing
about all--
359
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,050
Yes, I must say he is.
Ahem.
360
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,286
He doesn't look like
much of a baller to me.
361
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,621
Well, you can't judge
a baller by its cover...
362
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,990
- Hoo, Lord!
- Lisa.
363
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,292
Hey, look here.
Don't nobody go in there
364
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,627
for about 25, 35,
365
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,962
45 minute.
366
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,463
And you're out
of toilet tissue.
367
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,965
Hey, how y'all
doing? I'm--
368
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,733
Mac?!
( gasps )
369
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,835
Is that you, Bambi?
370
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,570
- Bambi?!
- What the...?
371
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,306
Well, before I
went by Vivian,
372
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,741
I went by Bambi.
Everybody has a nickname.
373
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,576
I thought
your nickname
was She-Shank.
374
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,413
Well, that was strictly
on the cellblock.
375
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,049
Mac, I haven't
seen you in forever.
376
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,417
- Mm.
- Bring it in.
377
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,818
- Baby, you-- ehh!
- Bring it in.
378
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,221
- What the...?
- Oh, wait a minute.
379
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,923
That's enough
bringing it in.
380
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,558
Now how on Earth
do the two of you
know each other, anyway?
381
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,193
Well, Mac and I
worked together
382
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,828
in the credit business
back in the day.
383
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,829
Oh, yeah, yeah.
384
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,331
Yeah, funny story.
385
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,832
Oh, Bambi--
I mean, Vivian--
386
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,500
y'all gonna
love this one.
387
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,669
It was actually
my statement
388
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,771
that got
her put away
and me the deal.
389
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,941
Wasn't no sense
the both of us
goin' away.
390
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,276
- Ha ha!
- ( laughs )
391
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,245
- That is a funny story.
- Oh, Lord.
392
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:39,812
I was wondering who
dropped dime on me.
393
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,384
I'm a hustler, baby.
394
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,919
Look, Jay Z,
395
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:49,356
you tryin' to tell me
all this ballin' me out
396
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,857
and buyin' me things--
397
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,359
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on now.
398
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,893
I had some sucker's
credit card.
399
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,428
I still live
with my mama.
400
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:58,966
Matter of fact,
I'm gonna need
that scarf back.
401
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:02,202
You mean you had
the nerve to hustle me?
402
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,971
Look,
everybody gets hustled.
403
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,439
Preachers, pastors,
doctors, you name it,
they all hustlers.
404
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,041
I just happen
to be good.
405
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,709
You ain't that good.
406
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,212
Hey!
What's up, everybody?
407
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,713
Who's Colonel Mustard?
408
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,382
Friend of
the family, baby.
409
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,284
Nice to meet you.
Anybody seen my wife?
410
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,886
I think she went
to get something
out of the kitchen.
411
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,321
Cool.
412
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,057
So, Mac, was it?
413
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,593
You got any more of
them Bambi stories
you can tell us?
414
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,562
Oh, there you are.
415
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,065
Yep, here I am. 'Cause
a few minutes ago,
416
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,733
I remembered that I was
married to you,
417
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,735
and immediately
I needed a drink.
418
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,738
Hah hah!
Always with the jokes.
419
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,707
Reminds me
why I married you
in the first place.
420
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,310
( sighs ) What do
you want, Donnie?
421
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,811
Is that any way to talk
422
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,513
to your soon-to-be
ex-husband?
423
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,747
What?
424
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,749
Yeah, I actually decided
425
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,185
to sign
the annulment papers.
426
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,989
What made you
change your mind?
427
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,424
I've done some
pretty desperate things
428
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,591
in the past
to get girls.
429
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,661
Heh. One time,
I actually adopted a kid
430
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,130
just so I could meet
single moms.
431
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,799
You should have saw
the look on Tiberius' face
432
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,136
when I took him back
to the orphanage
Monday mornin'.
433
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,137
He was like...
434
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,141
Can you get
to the point, please?
435
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,443
Look, what I'm sayin' is
I'm not desperate enough
436
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,211
to force somebody
to marry me against their will.
437
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,217
Even though I would have
been a great husband to you.
438
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,292
Oh, and for the record,
439
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,694
I can't confirm this,
but in my mind,
440
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,496
we made
them bedsprings sing.
441
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:42,302
And then I was like,
"Damn, Bambi,
442
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,803
you ran her over
with your car."
443
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,539
She was the one
that ran under
my car, like...
444
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,641
Mac:
Well, you were
gangster, kid.
445
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,677
Now, does Todd know
about any of this?
446
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,479
Oh, how do
you think we met?
447
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,981
Oh, he was
one of the jurors
on my trial,
448
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,650
and he voted guilty,
and he felt bad
about it,
449
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,153
so he kept putting money
on my books.
450
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,722
- Yeah, he was a blessing.
- It was so sweet of him.
451
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:03,923
- Ahh. Well...
- ( phone rings )
452
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:06,093
That is crazy.
Oh! Oh, hey.
453
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,594
Hello. Yes.
454
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,862
No. No. No, no, no.
455
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,264
You can't do that
to us. We--
456
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,434
Pastor canceled.
457
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,269
Guess we're
not gonna get
our vows renewed.
458
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,604
Oh.
459
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,608
Well, that's
all right, baby.
460
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,576
We can do this
without a pastor.
461
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,745
I just wanted it
to be done right, Tony.
462
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,748
And between this
and the whole Vegas fiasco,
463
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,684
I don't know.
Maybe it's a sign
we shouldn't do this.
464
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,386
See-- oh.
465
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,522
Y'all need to start
lockin' this door.
You know what?
466
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,557
I'm gonna pop in here
one day and rob y'all
467
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,058
just to keep y'all
on y'all toes.
468
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,761
Now can we
get this whole thing
under way?
469
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,396
'Cause I got
a domino tournament
at 11:00.
470
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,132
Not now, Rodney.
471
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,234
The pastor just called
and canceled.
472
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,769
Oh. Y'all need a pastor?
473
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,037
( Rodney laughs )
474
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,240
Old Rodney is
a licensed minister.
475
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,307
You are?
476
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,409
Yes, I am.
477
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,245
I was at the crib
one day, you know,
478
00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,546
watching
the TV pastors,
479
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,148
one of them dudes,
480
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,915
Creflo Jakes,
T.D. Dollar,
one of them,
481
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,484
and I said to myself,
482
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,886
"Heh. Hell, Rodney.
483
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,388
You can do that."
484
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,889
So I went online.
485
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,591
Boop boop,
bobbity bip bop.
486
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,993
( snaps fingers )
Bam! I'm ordained.
487
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,728
All right, baby,
let's do it.
488
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,763
- Let's do this.
- ( organ playing )
489
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,331
Dearly beloved,
490
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,233
we're gathered
here today
491
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,836
not to join these two
in holy matrimony,
492
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,339
for they are already
joined in that sense.
493
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,007
- ( murmuring )
- Amen.
494
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,609
But we are here
as friends
and family
495
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,279
to watch them
take vows
496
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,247
that they have
already taken,
497
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,749
vows that, had they
decided not to do,
498
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,285
we could be
goin' somewhere else,
499
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,786
- you understand?
- Praise God.
500
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,854
- Vows that-- that--
- Rodney!
501
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,122
Rodney:
My bad.
502
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,126
Which brings us
to our vows themselves.
503
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,396
Tony, your vows.
504
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,300
Not the muffin, boy.
505
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,805
( clears throat )
506
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,874
"Lisa, no words
can adequately capture
507
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,177
how you complete
my life.
508
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:07,180
You are the wind
beneath my wings,
509
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:10,049
the yin to my yang,
510
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,485
the Hennessy
to my juice...
511
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,486
- Ah. Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
512
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,988
and I vow
to always
513
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,857
be the Kobe
to your Shaq."
514
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,826
- Hmm?
- Pre-2004, of course.
515
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,028
- Of course. Yes.
- Beautiful.
516
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,296
We got chills.
517
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,797
( sniffles ) That was
beautiful, Tony.
518
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,132
Ah, heavenly.
519
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,034
Lisa...
520
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,337
your vows.
521
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,840
"Tony, from the moment
I saw you,
522
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,343
you had me at 'hello.'
523
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,078
And I said, 'Hello.
524
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:42,415
Is it me
you're lookin' for?'
525
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,584
I knew it was only
a matter of time
526
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,119
before you became
my endless love.
527
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,989
I let it
be very clear,
528
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,492
then made you
an offer you
couldn't refuse.
529
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,594
Because
you need people,
530
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,063
and people
who need people
531
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,198
are the luckiest
people in the world.
532
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,534
And as you know,
533
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:03,503
people make
the world go round,
534
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,605
so, Tony,
535
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,007
here's lookin'
at you.
536
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,976
We'll always
have Vegas."
537
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:13,246
Real quick,
538
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,847
was that just a medley
539
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,383
of movie titles
and song lyrics?
540
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,050
You don't want me
to answer that, Tony.
541
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:19,519
No, I want the truth.
542
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,454
You can't handle
the truth, Tony!
543
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,955
Hold up.
544
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,524
If Mom can
plagiarize
her vows,
545
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,793
how come
I got in trouble
546
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:29,396
for plagiarizing
my history project?
547
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,563
Boy.
548
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,600
I'm sorry, Tony.
I just--
549
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,067
I didn't know
what to write.
550
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,236
I mean,
you're my husband.
551
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,806
You're the father
of my children.
552
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:43,142
You're my life.
You're my entire world.
553
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,811
I really
just didn't know
554
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,113
what else
I could vow to you.
555
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,316
As long as you
vow to keep doin'
what you're doin',
556
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,583
it's all right with me.
557
00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,319
( chuckles )
558
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,620
Mm. Mm.
559
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:54,654
- Okay.
- Get it there, Tone.
560
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,255
That's love.
561
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,990
Well, now that we've
renewed our vows,
562
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,759
how 'bout we
re-consummate
our marriage?
563
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,328
- Oh, no, no.
- Come on.
564
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,062
TMI, Dad. TMI.
565
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,797
That was
a great ceremony,
Pastor.
566
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,399
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
567
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,900
- Right off TV.
- Bless you.
568
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,902
You know what, Mac?
It was.
569
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,771
How 'bout you
walk me to my car?
570
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,407
She-Shank would like
571
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,176
to have a word with you
about your testimony.
572
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,845
- Do we have to go?
- Yes.
573
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:21,247
That was
a beautiful ceremony.
574
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,350
- It was.
- Could have been us, girl.
575
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:24,651
Uh...
576
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,252
slow down.
577
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,255
You got lucky once,
but don't push it.
578
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,757
Actually...
579
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,191
you got lucky twice.
580
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:35,495
You mean we...?
581
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:38,197
Yeah. Yeah, my memory
came back to me.
582
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,699
You actually
did hit it.
583
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,034
I knew it!
584
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:44,504
Was I any good?
585
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,773
Let's just say...
586
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,275
I won't be switching teams
anytime soon.
587
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:52,111
( chuckles ) Well, girl,
you ain't gotta switch teams,
588
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,646
long as you visit
once in a while.
589
00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:56,649
I'll keep the light on
for you.
41409
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