All language subtitles for Family.Time.S03E04.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

**

Oh! Oh, Tony!

Tony!

Ah, damn!
What's going on, girl?

I thought you left
the sex tape

on too loud or something.

What's wrong with you?

Tony, I think I got
a real problem this time.

Yeah, obviously.
I think the whole damn
neighborhood heard you.

What's going on?

I'm going bald.

What? Oh, no.
I didn't sign up for that.

Come on, Tony.
Could you please
be serious for a minute?

I am serious.
I understand this
is a hairy situation.

My skin is breaking out...

I think this
is a side effect
of that birth control.

Ah. There it is.

Now it makes sense
'cause you're also
gaining weight.

What?

I'm just saying,
I'm agreeing with you.

One of the side effects

of birth control
is weight gain.

Oh, what, so now
you're some expert
on birth control?

Here we go, right on cue,
the mood swings.

Oh, damn it,
I am not moody!

Okay!
Could've fooled me.

Looked like your head
was about to spin around.

You know what?
Lori has that
charity event coming up.

I am not going to go with
my hair looking like this.

What is it with
your damn sisters?

Lori is always begging.
Her hands look like cups.

Tony, I'm going bald.

Baby, it's okay.

Just have Rachel
shave her back

and make a wig out of that.

You'll be all right.

* Woke up
and my wife said to me *

* The bill collectors
want their fees *

* The kids keep
talking back to me *

* Family Time

* Family Time,
Family Time *

* Family Time

**

Good morning!

Good morning.

Morning breakfast?

The most important meal
of the day and all.

I would've made it
for you.

No, thank you.

The way you went off
on me last night,

I would've expected
poison in my eggs.

Or worse. Hair.

You're right.
I was on one.

I understand how traumatic
that could be.

You go to sleep with a full,
beautiful head of hair,

and you wake up
with LeBron's hairline.

Just promise me you won't
start wearing headbands.

That's a promise

because I'm getting off
birth control.

Look, no, wait.
[ coughing ]

Excu-- Uh, uh,
excuse me?

Could you run that
by me again?

I said I'm getting off
the pill.

You're having
a midlife crisis.

You think that
having another child

will make you feel
young again.

Speaking of which, you want
some of these fresh eggs?

I will have a midlife crisis
when I actually reach midlife,

thank you,
and I love my kids,

We know that,
but I don't want any more.

I don't want
any more kids either.

So, now I'm confused.

You don't want any more kids,

but you want to get off
birth control.

So, am I to assume
that you're going

to shut down the factory
without any further notice?

In a sense.

In a sense?

Well, does that mean
I can get a job

at another factory?

You do, and I'll burn down
that factory with you in it.

Okay, well,
then I don't get it.

I'm talking about getting
my tubes tied, Tony.

Surgery? Oh, no.
I don't know about that.

You want to start
wearing protection?

You know,
Todd knows a good surgeon.

**

So, I'm thinking
for this charity event,

we should have a cute
little '70s party.

- [ groans ]
- Afros...

Everybody does '70s.

I think we should do, like,
a nice '80s house party theme.

Ooh, yes, yes, yes!
I love it!

And we should host it here.

Yeah! Why not?

What is this charity, anyway?

Oh, Lisa. How many times
do I have to tell you?

The Keep On
Wishing Foundation

is a charitable organization
for underprivileged children

who aren't fortunate enough

to have someone like me
in their lives to guide them

through life's obstacles
and tough decisions.

What kind of tough decisions
can you help somebody make?

Like where to buy
the best knockoff purse?

[ laughing ]

[ fake laughter ]

Laugh if you want to, ladies,
but don't ask for nothing

out of my Neiman Marcus
gift basket they promised me.

Ooh!

Uh, and why exactly are we
having it at my house?

'Cause it's a house party.
You're the one with a house.

Okay, fine, since
you're being persnickety,

why don't we take a vote?

All in favor of having
the party here, say aye.

- Aye!
- Aye!

All opposed?
Okay, the ayes have it.

Oh, really?

It's settled! We're going
to have a party here.

I would've preferred
more advance notice.
That would've been nice.

But you probably don't have
to worry about anything.

Those RSVPs are pretty low.

Oh, well you know
how to get those up.

All you have to do
is make one call.

Come on, Lori.
You know that they will be
perfect for an '80s party!

Oh, hell, no.

I'm not calling them
them heifers.

I am not trying
to open up old wounds.

What old wounds?

I mean, just because you were
part of a rap group,

they kicked you out
and then blew up to be

these huge sensational
international stars

I mean, why would
that be a wound?

Okay, so now you're pouring
salt in the old wound.

N-Pepa.

[ laughter ]

You guys just
don't understand.

It's not funny
that Salt-N-Pepa

kicked me out
of their group!

I've got things to do.

Yeah, the swap meet's
about to close.

- [ mumbles ]
- You know what,
I've got to go, too, honestly.

I have my appointment
with the OB-GYN.

Wait a minute.
Is everything okay?

Yeah. I'm just getting
some more information

about a tubal ligation.

Oh, you're getting
your tubes tied, sis?

Thinking about it.

Don't you think that's
a little premature

and invasive?

It's an outpatient surgery.
You're in and out the same day.

No, it's still surgery.

Now, you remember
when Aunt Judy went in.

She woke up, and both her feet
had been removed.

She was just
going to get an eye exam.

I remember.
Rachel is right, for a change.

Okay,
so what about Tony?

Why doesn't he just
get a vasectomy?

He would never go for that.

Oh, but he can go
for my little sister

going under the knife
and then probably

going into a coma,
never waking up,

then he's going to die
of sadness and depression,

then you're all going
to expect us

to take care
of your orphaned children,

and honey, I am too fine
for all of that!

No! You need to talk
to your husband, cutie.

**

Tony, what are you doing?

Just fixing
a broken pipe.

Oh, you're a contractor.

Shouldn't we just
call a plumber?

Trust me, Lisa.
I know a little
something about pipes.

Okay, well,
speaking of pipes,

I want to talk to you
about something.

Well, can't it wait?
I'm right in the middle
of this.

Can you hand me
that wrench, please?

Yeah. So, I was doing
a little research,

and you know, even though
it's really common,

it still says
it's a major risk

for a woman to have
her tubes tied.

Exactly. That's why I want you
to stay on birth control.

Or there's another option.

Lisa, we already
talked about this.

I don't like
how those things feel.

Have you ever thought
about fixing your pipes?

That's what I'm doing
right now.

No, the other pipes.

Don't tell me those pipes
upstairs are leaking again.

The ones downstairs.

Where, in the man cave?

More like your manhood.

Tony, have you ever thought
about getting a vasectomy?

What?
[ thud ] Oh! Ooh!

Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.
You want to run that
by me again?

Tony, gosh,
all I was saying,

that you might
want to consider
getting a vasectomy.

The big snip?
Oh, hell, no.

Who's been filling your head
with this nonsense?

Nobody.

Nobody, uh--
Okay, all right.

I was talking
to Lori and Rachel.

Ah-ha!
I don't need a vasectomy.

You need a sisterectomy.

It's really not that
big of a deal, Tony.

What not that big of--
Not that big of a deal?
Yes, it is!

Until we get a dog,
ain't nobody getting
neutered around here.

Oh, but it's okay
for me to get spayed?

Look, this wasn't my idea.
This was your crazy-ass idea.

You know what?
It's all on me, huh?

You don't want kids,
I don't want kids,

but somehow you don't
have to do anything,

and I'm the one that
has to take medicine

that makes my hair fall out,
or even get surgery?

And don't forget
about the mood swings.

How about I swing
that wrench at you?

I'd rather take
a wrench to the head

than a knife to the--
Now, don't get the idea.

So, you won't even
consider it?

Oh, yeah, I'll consider it.
Hmm, let me think about.

Oh, yeah, yeah-- No!

I need a damn aspirin now.

**

This guy's a bum, man!
He can't even make free throw.

I ain't worried
about this damn game.

Lisa wants me to get
a vasectomy.

What's the difference?

You plan on having
some more kids?

- No.
- So, what's the problem?

The problem is I don't want
to get a vasectomy.

[ scoffs ]
I don't see what
the big deal is, man.

I got one.

Donnie, you don't
even have any kids.

I know. It worked!

When I got ObamaCare, man,

I went
and got everything done.

After that vasectomy
I got a root canal,

a hip replacement.

I even snuck
into an OB-GYN's office

to get a Pap smear.

Donnie, men can't get
Pap smears.

I know!

Kinda figured that out
once they had me
in 'em stirrups.

[ scoffs ]
That's disgusting.

You think any one
of these players got one?

Come on, Ton, you know
that's ridiculous, dude.

Ain't no 6'9" ball player

could fit in them
little-ass stirrups.

No, man, I'm talking about

do you think any one of them
got the big snip.

Nah. I mean, considering that

they usually have
six or seven kids

by the time they 30 anyway,
they probably should.

Hey, let me give you
some advice, man.

Mm. This should be rich.

You ever heard
of a Ben Franklin close?

The only thing I know
about Ben Franklin

is he's on the $100 bill.

Okay, whenever Ben Franklin
had a problem, he would list

the pros and the cons,
and he would make his decision

based on whichever side
made the most sense.

So, what are your pros?

Well, first of all--

I'll tell you one.
Number one, you can have
worry-free sex.

Number two,
you could save money
by not having no more kids.

And number three,
it will make Lisa happy,

which will make
your marriage better.

That's a good one.
I can get behind that.

So, what are your cons?

- Let's see--
- Number one,

the doctor could
drop the scalpel,

and you could get way more
than a vasectomy.

Number two, the next time

the homies say
you're coming up short,

it will be true.

I thought I was
supposed to be listing
my own pros and cons,

not listening
to your nonsense.

And number three,
if you ran into, let's say

Halle Berry
at the supermarket,

and she wants to have
your love child,

right, but you can't do it
because you got a vasectomy.

If I was Martin right now,
I'd be saying,

"Cole, you're stupid."

Well, if it was me,
I would go with my wife

and whatever
makes her happy.

Okay, but
what if you decide

you want to have kids
one day?

Huh.

Between you and me,
I keep a private stash

in my mom's freezer
for such an occasion.

I'm done. I'm off of you.

**

So, what's up with Tony?

Is he going to get
the snip or not?

Uh, probably or not.

He's not feeling it,
and I'm really not trying
to press the issue.

In the back of Tony's mind,
he wants to have more kids.

No, no. We talked about it.
He doesn't want more kids.

Maybe not with you.

What?

He's a guy.

Guys always
have a back-up plan,

in case the first marriage
doesn't work out.

Oh. That's absurd.

- Is it?
- [ doorbell ringing ]

- That's absurdity.
- Is it?

It's ridiculous.
And rude.

Ooh. Is that Lori?

Hey, did you talk to him?

I asked politely.
You know I didn't
want to push it.

So, uh, let me guess.
They said no.

So, so,
they are coming?

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

[ cheers and applause ]

Girl, I haven't seen
you since!

Since you kicked Lori
out of the group!

I wasn't going
to bring it up, but...

basically, yeah.

Oh, and Rachel, I remember
when you tried

to get with one
of our back-up dancers.

Chill!

But I did better
with his sister.

I can't believe
you guys are here!

Well, you know,
we were in town

shooting another
commercial, you know,

Lori called,
said she's having
a charity function,

so here we are.

And guess what?

I announced
Salt-N-Pepa's there,

and I swear
the RSVPs just shot
through the old roof.

Well, you know,
we was just happy she called.

We thought she was
still pissed at us.

Why would I be
pissed at y'all?

Maybe because
you got replaced?

What exactly
happened anyway?

Me, Salt and Spice,

we were taking
the college circuit by storm.

I mean, killing it.

- We were hot.
- Yes.

And I get one little bout
of laryngitis,

and you kicked me
to the curb.

You sounded
like a dying cat.

Whatever, Cheryl.

One little bout,
missed one little rehearsal.

I look up,
and they replaced me

with a little 16-year-old
named Deidra.

- Who?
- Dee Dee!

- Who's Dee Dee?
- Spinderella!

Oh! She was hot.

Okay, but that is all
behind you guys now, and now

you're coming back together
for underprivileged children.

Exactly.

Underprivileged children.
Where's Spinderella?

Huh? I don't see her.
Did you get rid of her, too?

[ screeching ]

Ooh, looks like someone
is still bitter.

No! I ain't bitter.

I ain't bitter at all.

We did not come here
to fight.

Yeah, what did
you come here for,
Cheryl, huh?

To rub your success
in my face like Proactiv?

Okay. This was a bad idea.
Let's go.

No!

- We tried, Lisa.
- No, let's go.

Let them go. Let them go.
They fancy. They fancy.

- Let them shoot
their way on out the door.
- I heard that!

**

[ all chattering ]

- Anything, ladies?
- [ doorbell ringing, knocking ]

You okay? All right.
Got you drinks. You're good.

Hey! Well, if it isn't
Grace Jones!

Just call me a slave
to the rhythm, darling.

[ laughter ]

Wow! This is a good turnout.

I'm glad so many people
care about the youth.

Oh, girl, please.
They don't care nothing
about the youth.

They only care about
Salt-N-Pepa.

Mm. Well, I only care
about how I look,
so, how do I look?

Fierce, darling. Fierce.

Stranger?

Stranger!
Now what about me?

You look great,
you look just like Tina Turner

before Ike's biggest hits.

- Ooh, ooh.
- Ooh. Too soon?

Uh, you know,
Chris Brown and Rihanna joke,

that would've been too soon.

I see you Michael Waxing,
but you're not moonwalking.

You're just walking backwards.

- He's going for it.
- He did. He tried.

[ singing ]

Donnie in the building.

But, who are you exactly?

I'm Rick James.

Both:
Shut your mouth!

I'm just talking
about Rick James.

Those appetizers look
like one hell of a jug.

Can I get one?

Absolutely.

Nice. Uh, can you
point me to the drinks,

so I can wash it all down?

Help yourself, super freak.

Ow!

- Where's Lori?
- I think she
was in the kitchen,

last time I checked.

Oh, let me stranger
over there.

Uh, well, she was in there
a few minutes ago.

Rachel,
this is a costume party.

How come you
ain't dress up?

- Whatever, LL Fool J.
- You know what?

When you said
we was doing an '80s party,

I thought it was
going to be whack,

but I'm having fun
with this.

Remember I used to get it
in on the street corner.

You remember, I got bars.
Hold on, hold on.

* Yeah, big Tone
used to rap a lot *

* Now I've got a family,
wife kind of sexy *

* Sister-in-law manly

* Uh, I got bars like candy

* Lisa love me long time

* Rachel can't stand me

* But that's cool 'cause
I ain't going nowhere *

* Big daddy's stalwart

* Fall like no hair

* Weavy

That's okay,
'cause I get more ladies
than you, LL No Game.

I told you
you'll have fun, Tony.

See, you should listen
to your wife sometimes.

Yeah, well, but sometimes

when you're saying something
that I don't want to hear.

Yeah, whatever.
Have you seen my sister?

Yeah. He's standing
right next to you.

That's enough,
human beat box!

Now where's the rest
of the Fat Boys?
You ate 'em?

There she is.

Oh, Cyndi Lauper.
This is so cute!

But you don't look
like a girl that just
wants to have fun.

Good news.
The party's a success.

We raised
all this money!

Wow! That's really good!

That's great, sis!

Okay, what could possibly
be the bad news?

When the people find out
Salt-N-Pepa ain't coming,

they're going to want
all this money back.

Ooh.

If you leave now,
you can make it

to the border
before they catch you.

Lori,
why wouldn't you tell them

Salt-N-Pepa aren't coming?

You mean I put on all this
for nothing?

Yeah, you did, so
why don't you disappear

like your waistline did
in the '80s?

Please take this seriously.

Honestly, I think
you're overreacting.

I mean, no lie,
it would've been really great

to have Salt-N-Pepa here,
but everybody seems

to be having
a good time, regardless.

Tony:
Yeah, that's true.

Hey, what's up, y'all?
Great party, okay?

But where the hell
is Salt-N-Pepa?

Everybody's asking
about 'em now.

I'm sure you're
over exaggerating.

[ chanting ]
We want Salt-N-Pepa!
We want Salt-N-Pepa!

Oh, no.
See, this is terrible.

First they humiliate me

by kicking me out
of the band, and now this?

- Oh, I ain't
giving this money back.
- Okay, all right now.

Don't you worry
your pretty little
Cyndi Lauper head, okay?

I have an idea.

**

Excuse me, excuse me!
DJ, please stop the music.

I just want your attention.

I am the sepia Cyndi Lauper,

and I know we all
want to have fun!

So, I just want
to thank you all

for your generous donation

to the Keep On
Wishing Foundation.

See, I believe the children
are our future.

All right, now,
enough with the yeb!

Cut the yeb, now.
We want to see Salt-N-Pepa!

Salt-N-Pepa! Salt-N-Pepa!
Salt-N-Pepa!

All right, all right,
all right!

Without further adieu,
that's French

for "They're coming
down the stairs,"

here is the original
Salt-N-Pepa!

[ cheering ]

**

* Shoop ba-doop,
ba-doop, ba-doop *

* Shoop

* Shoop ba-doop

* Shoop ba-doop,
shoop ba-doop *

* Oh, oh, oh, shoop

* Shoop ba-doop

* Shoop ba-doop

* Shoop

**

Hey, stop the music.
Stop the music.

I ain't the smartest piranha
in the forest,

but even I know they ain't
no damn Salt-N-Pepa.

That's Lisa
and other one.

[ crowd booing ]

Really?

I can't believe you thought
that was going to work.

Well, it was worth a try.

Okay, everybody,
everybody, relax.
Salt-N-Pepa will be here.

[ cheering ]

Just not tonight.

[ booing ]

Wait.
Wait a minute, wait.

Are those boos for us?

Yeah, 'cause this
doesn't sound like
a party I want to be at.

It's them!
It's really them!

I didn't think you guys
were gonna show.

It's for the kids,
Lori.

Hey, everybody.
Salt-N-Pepa's here!

Saw, saw, saw, saw,
Salt-N-Pepa's here!

[ cheering ]

So party up, drink,
have some food,

and they'll be right back
to holler at you all.

Don't look over there.
It's Halloween.

**

So, you was trying
to pass off as me?

Girl, that ain't nothing
compared to the time

I tried to get into a party
as Biggie Smalls.

I forgot he was dead.

Babe, listen.

We ain't want to leave
on bad terms.

We just hope that we can
be friends again.

I don't know, Cheryl.
It's just hard for me.

I mean, I can't help
but be bitter.

Look at you guys.

You're famous,

and we started this
all together

as Salt-N-Pepa-N-Spice.

Lori, that was the '80s.
It's time to let it go.

I mean, really.
Who are we kidding?

Salt-N-Pepa-N-Spice?

That is so corny.

Can you come up
with something better,
like Cinnamon?

I wanted to be a rapper,
not a stripper.

Girl, look,
I know you're still mad,

but just take all
that built-up anger

and, ah, push it.

Hmm.

Push it real good.

Well, I just want
to let it be known

that I still think,
when we were in the studio

creating this song,
that y'all should've

listened to me
and pulled it.

Pulled it.
Pulled it.

And that's another reason
why we kicked you out.

**

You know, Lisa,
I was thinking,

and I know this is probably
not the best time for this,

but I don't want you
to get your tubes tied.

And I've decided I don't
want you to get a vasectomy.

Then what are
we going to do?

I can't risk having
another Devin.

No, actually my doctor
offered another solution

that won't make me gain weight
or lose my hair.

Okay. You sure?

They're making strides
and waves these days.

You won't be able to tell.

Shut up, Tony.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the moment we've all
been waiting for.

My girls, my friends,
Salt-N-Pepa!

[ cheering ]

* Push it

Are you all ready
for this old school party?

- [ cheering ]
- Make some noise! Come on!

* Pepa's here,
and we're in effect *

* Want you
to push it, babe *

* Coolin' by day
then at night *

* Working up a sweat,
come on, girls *

* Let's go show the guys
that we know *

* How to become number one
in a hot party show *

* Now push it

* Ah, push it

Come on, y'all.

* Push it good

Don't pull it, Lori.
Push it.

* Push it real good

* Ooh, baby, baby,
baby, baby *

* Get up on this

* Saw, saw, saw, saw,
Salt-N-Pepa's here **

**

You still got it.