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1
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:05,106
And I told those girls,
like Michael Jackson,
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,208
"The kid is not my son."
3
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,909
(laughing)
4
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,611
Rodney, you crazy.
You ain't tell her that.
5
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,514
You know I told her that.
I knows a lot.
6
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,416
What's up, everybody?
What's up, everybody?
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:16,917
My people.
What's up, Tony?
8
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,419
I've been looking for you all
day, man. Where you been?
9
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:19,487
You got that money
you owe me?
10
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,122
I don't have your money,
11
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,490
but I had it when
I was looking for you.
12
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,658
But you got money for
a haircut, though, huh?
13
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,494
Don't worry about what me and
Larry got worked out, okay?
14
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,596
Man, we ain't got
nothing worked out.
15
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,165
Either I can cut your hair
or I can cut you.
16
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,266
Does that work?
17
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,967
Larry, not in front of
everybody, man.
18
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,104
You can talk to me like that
in private, brother, all right?
19
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,505
Now, look, what I need
to know from you is
20
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,706
how many are in front of me.
21
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,375
What he meant, uh, was take
a seat right here, bro.
22
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,044
I got a empty seat, I'll tighten
you up, I'm nice, too.
23
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:47,281
As tempting as that sounds,
24
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:49,850
I'm gonna have
to pass, brother.
25
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,154
Maybe I'll, you know, wait
for Larry or Rodney or--
26
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:56,290
I'll take my man cut.
Do you cut?
27
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:59,059
I tell you what,
first cut is on me.
28
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,628
Just go and hop in the seat.
29
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:04,132
I will give you $20 for me
not to sit in the chair.
30
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,134
I'm gonna go ahead
and hold tight.
31
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,368
I'll be over here, brother.
32
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,470
Now, go on let the youngster
cut your hair up, man.
33
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,939
While he at it, he can take
care of them back hairs.
34
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,174
(giggling)
He told you about that.
35
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,843
Hey, man, I told you
in confidence, dawg.
36
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,578
I can't ever get
no love up here.
37
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,046
It's the way you dress, man.
38
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,349
Tell him, Ton. You wouldn't
get no haircut
39
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,651
from a brother
wearing skinny jeans.
40
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,454
Not when they're
hanging that low.
41
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,788
Yeah, y'all keep
laughing now.
42
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,390
I can get this whole
place cracking.
43
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,160
Yeah, speaking of cracking,
pull your pants up.
44
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:38,232
Man, look, look, Quincy or
Quigley, or Quentin--
whatever your name is--
45
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,501
see, now, being a barber
is not about, you know,
46
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,802
an overnight success.
47
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,471
It's about taking your time
48
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,507
and building up a client base
that trusts you.
49
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,176
I tried to tell 'em,
50
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:50,178
let me set up a MySpace page
for the shop.
51
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,845
You want to be a barber?
52
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,714
All you need is
a steady hand
53
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,449
to tighten up that line.
54
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,285
Ow!
55
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,019
Right here.
Yeah.
56
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,855
Right here.
57
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,924
Like I was saying,
58
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,859
this is not a sprint.
59
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,661
It's a marathon.
60
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:09,330
Barbers come and go, man.
61
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,432
How you think I been in
the game so long?
62
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,067
Your daddy gave you
the shop.
63
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:16,904
And your daddy gave you this
unibrow, but ain't nobody--
64
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,906
Let me--
Hey, hey.
65
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,675
* Woke up and my wife
said to me *
66
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,077
* The bill collectors
want their fees *
67
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:26,280
* The kids keep talking back
to me *
68
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:28,216
* Family time
69
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,284
* Family time, family time
70
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:33,921
* Family time
71
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,923
**
72
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,529
Yo, Rod.
73
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,231
I was driving by, and I saw
a line up the street.
74
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,399
What's going on?
Ask the young fellow, man.
75
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:49,270
Oh, I came up.
That's all me.
76
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,472
Yeah, but he did some type
of computer wizardry,
77
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,242
and all of a sudden all these
tattoos and piercings
78
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:56,710
and the cast of "Black Twilight"
came out of nowhere.
79
00:02:56,744 --> 00:03:00,614
Wait. Computer wizardry?
Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,550
I don't know what
he's talking about, man.
81
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,253
Honesty, I just took some
pics of some cuts I did
82
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,854
and posted them online.
83
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:10,758
Tag the right people,
they all re-Vined,
re-Tweeted, repost,
84
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,393
and the rest is history.
85
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,861
You can't hate on
the young player
86
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,063
if he's bringing in all
this paper.
87
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,466
So, uh, which one of you
88
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:21,302
skinny-jeans-wearin' fools
want a cut?
89
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,606
Oh, no, that's old school.
90
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,275
He cool, man.
Let him cut you up.
91
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,643
Old school?
Man, I'm getting crazy--
92
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:30,711
Hey. Brush---
93
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,113
Listen, trust me, okay?
94
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:39,152
Look, this is gonna be your
name on Tweeter.
95
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,689
Old-School Rod,
that's gonna be you.
96
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:42,890
Okay, okay.
97
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,859
Hey, everybody, follow at
Old-School Rod.
98
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,630
Look at that.
Two, three, four, five.
99
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,733
Damn.
They all do.
100
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,435
Check that out, though.
101
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,604
Man, that's...
that's fast, dude.
102
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,307
It's quick.
Okay.
103
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,809
(laughing)
All right, let me...
104
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,311
let me try it out, then,
you know what I'm saying?
105
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:08,316
So, uh, who want a cut
from "at Old-School Rod?"
106
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,984
Hey, hey, hold on.
107
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,354
You are first.
108
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:17,458
Uh, who wants a cut...
at empty chair dot here?
109
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,334
So, you wanna watch "Real
Housewives of Section 8"?
110
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:29,837
Yeah. Oh, that ratchet fest
is my guilty pleasure.
111
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,440
Mm-hmm. I think they are the
only TV stars who can't afford
112
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,876
the cable package
that their show is on.
113
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,578
(knocking)
Hi!
114
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:41,515
Oh, I know you girls are not
having an afternoon cocktail
115
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,983
without your big sis.
116
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:45,986
Well, grab a glass,
why don't ya?
117
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,658
Damn, she's thirstier than
the girls on that show.
118
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:51,925
Yes.
119
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,861
Okay, I'm glad
you're both here.
120
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,963
There's something
I need to tell you.
121
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,030
I'm having a baby.
122
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,132
Whoa, wait.
What? How? What?
123
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:00,968
What-what are you
talking about, Lori?
124
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,870
I'm having a baby.
125
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,405
Just like I said.
126
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,006
And that's just
what it is.
127
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,641
Okay, well,
that's a shocker,
128
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,810
but first off, you need to
ease up off that wine.
129
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,044
Now, let's talk about this.
130
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,480
Who is the father?
131
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,548
I'm not so sure.
132
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,684
You're not so sure?
133
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,251
Lori, what-what are you
talking about?
134
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:19,687
You're too old for that.
135
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,389
What are mom and dad
gonna say?
136
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:25,292
Well, I was hoping
congratulations,
for starters.
137
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:28,429
Okay, congratulations.
Now, who the hell is the father?
138
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,163
I'm thinking about
using a donor.
139
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,999
Lori, you can't be serious.
140
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,568
Yeah, I mean, you've been
anti-baby since we were babies.
141
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,504
Look, this is not
about you guys.
142
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,905
This is about me,
143
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,172
and this is a choice
that I made.
144
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,609
I'm not asking for
your approval,
145
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,477
I'm just letting you know
what time it is.
146
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:47,781
Okay. Okay, I respect that,
but I wanna know why.
147
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,517
Why the sudden change?
148
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,719
Look at me.
149
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:55,055
I never imagined
my life at 40
150
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:58,626
would be this big,
huge albatross.
151
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,429
I don't have anyone to
take care of me when I'm old.
152
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,698
So that's the only reason
you want to have kids?
153
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,600
You do realize that you
gotta take care of them
154
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,436
before they can
take care of you?
155
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,170
Yeah, Lori, don't you think
your reasons
156
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,940
for wanting to have
a baby are just a little
bit self-centered?
157
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,708
I suppose you're the
only one allowed
158
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,777
to live the American Dream
around here.
159
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,879
Lori, your life
is not so bad.
160
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:22,450
I mean, you have a successful
career as a...
161
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,518
What does she do?
I'm a paralegal!
162
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,954
And I ain't even
a lawyer.
163
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:30,458
I couldn't pass the bar...
five times.
164
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,226
I don't have
a man in my life.
165
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,629
Lori, okay,
you cannot control
166
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,731
when the right man
comes into your life.
167
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:41,201
No, but I can control
having a baby.
168
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:44,805
Ladies, this is not
the 1920s.
169
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,541
Women are perfectly
capable
170
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:50,511
of raising children
on their own.
171
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,280
So, you-- You've been
really been thinking
about this, huh?
172
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,315
I even went to
a fertility doctor.
173
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,985
Well, then I guess, uh...
174
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,053
go on and get yourself
a do-it-yourself kit
175
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,189
and make yourself
a baby.
176
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,092
Okay.
177
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,627
To having a baby.
178
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,265
(softly)
To having a baby.
179
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,841
Well, I'm not
pregnant yet.
180
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:25,212
**
181
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,781
(door closes)
What's up, Rodney?
182
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,883
I came as soon as you called.
What's happening?
183
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,251
My man.
Ha ha.
184
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,520
Man, you know what?
185
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,188
Thinking abut making some
changes around here.
186
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,757
Yeah.
187
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,259
I was thinking a lot
about what that young buck
was saying, man,
188
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,061
and I hate to admit it,
but...
189
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:43,531
he's got what they--
what they call, uh...
190
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,432
...swag. Yeah.
191
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,167
Okay, so what kinda
changes you gonna make?
192
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,303
You gonna start wearing
your pants hanging off
your ass or something?
193
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,205
I'm talking about
changes to the shop.
194
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,842
I want to bring up to speed,
make it more modern.
195
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:58,546
The shop has been the same
for 57 years.
196
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,748
This neighborhood
needs a barber shop,
197
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,416
not some trendy, you know,
hairstyling center.
198
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,653
Exactly.
199
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:08,188
Which is why I'm relocating.
200
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,057
What?
Relocating?
201
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,859
Yeah.
Where to?
202
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,561
Over to the Westside.
203
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,095
Why do you wanna go
to the Westside?
204
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,665
Look, this-this is where
your roots are, okay,
your whole client base.
205
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,032
What about us?
206
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:22,369
You know how much money I stand
to make on that side of town?
207
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,772
So that's what this is
all about? Money?
208
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,239
You're damn skippy.
209
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:29,476
You see this tip jar
next to my station?
210
00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:31,378
Come on, man.
211
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,346
Look, I'm even
changing the name.
212
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,949
I'm going from Magic Shears
to Instacut.
213
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,652
I even got somebody
working on the app.
214
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,588
I don't even know
what an app is,
215
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,856
but I'm gonna get me one.
216
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:46,059
Man, I've been getting cuts
here since I was a kid.
217
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,595
(sighs)
Man...
218
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:50,731
Okay, so you gotta drive
a little further,
219
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,634
spend a little more money.
220
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,803
Okay, a lot more money.
221
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,639
That's not even why
I called you.
222
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,608
I called you here
because...
223
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:04,277
I want to contract you to do
the build-out for the new spot.
224
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,446
I don't know, Rodney.
225
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,281
It just feels wrong.
226
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,717
Feels wrong?
Yeah.
227
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,184
I hear you, man.
228
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,620
Tell me, uh...
229
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,455
tell me how that check
feels, though.
230
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,157
Oh, that check feels right.
231
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,992
Yeah, buddy.
232
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,763
I can't believe you're
really doing this.
233
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,197
Believe it.
234
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,634
Picking your future baby's
daddy off a website.
235
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,936
Well, it's better than
picking him out of a bar.
236
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:32,039
And with this, I don't have
to date a guy for six months
237
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,974
to figure out he's an idiot.
238
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:35,643
It's all laid out before me.
239
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,979
They're prescreened
and ready for mama.
240
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:42,750
Oh, look at this one.
6'3", green eyes.
241
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,785
Your baby gonna look
like Michael Ealy.
242
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,654
Yeah, on steroids.
243
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,988
Oh, look!
244
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,724
But he was the captain of the
swim squad in his college.
245
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,092
And lookee here.
246
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:55,262
His family has a history
of webbed feet.
247
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,665
No wonder your boy's gonna be
a strong swimmer.
248
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,600
Nuh-uh, we don't want
no mutant baby. Next!
249
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,069
(laughing)
250
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,403
Oh, my goodness!
251
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:07,808
"Princeton undergrad,
John Hopkins Medical School."
252
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:11,879
Oh, child, I'll be fine.
I can pick myself a doctor!
253
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,814
Dang, this thing needs to
come with phone numbers.
254
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,749
Mm-mm, you're gonna
have to wait 18 years
255
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:17,217
for the kid
to look him up.
256
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,520
Uh-oh, and look it here,
Your doctor's only 5'3".
257
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,657
Ohh, your baby's gonna grow up
to be Gary Coleman.
258
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,759
(both)
What you talking about, Lisa?
259
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:28,161
(both laughing)
260
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,097
Don't you think this is a little
bit weird, Lori?
261
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,967
I mean, you know,
picking a man off some trivia
262
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,535
and planting a seed
up in you?
263
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,637
How you even know they check
these things?
264
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,439
Hmm. Lisa's got
a point.
265
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,641
I mean, if he's such a
super successful doctor,
266
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:45,112
then why is he selling his
soldiers online for laundry?
267
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,546
I don't know.
268
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,548
Aren't there any guys
you actually know
269
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,951
that might be able to help you
out with this situation?
270
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,486
Well, I have given this
some thought.
271
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,057
But the only guy that I know
who's kind,
272
00:10:57,090 --> 00:11:00,393
good with kids,
has proven genes
273
00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,429
and can put up with
my mouth is--
274
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,267
What's up?
275
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,535
What's going on?
276
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:13,907
Hey, get this.
277
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,442
She wants me to be
the father.
278
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,344
Hold up. Wait, wait.
Hold up, hold up.
279
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:18,746
Let me get this straight.
280
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:22,082
Lisa's sister wants you
to give her a baby.
281
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,118
What the hell is this
word coming to?
282
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,354
Now, what is
the big deal?
283
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,621
Just-- just do
what you do at home.
284
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,391
But instead of a sock,
use a cup.
285
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,361
I use Kleenex myself.
286
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,229
Anyway, I'm with Tony
on this one, man.
287
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,965
I mean, what are you
supposed to be to the kid?
288
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,632
You supposed to be the father
or the uncle?
289
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,301
Yeah, I don't want my kids
to be "brousins."
290
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:44,905
I got a couple brousins.
What's wrong with that?
291
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:47,507
Oh! Brousins!
292
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:51,211
Like they cousins, but they're
brothers. I get it.
293
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,213
But what if it's a girl?
294
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,316
Would it be a like
a "sisaunt" or a "sauntie?"
295
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,519
Well, I got a "brunkle"
and a "smaunt."
296
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:06,326
Hey, everybody, I got some
great news for my wallet.
297
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:07,828
The shop's moving.
298
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,897
Moving? What are you
talking about?
299
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,431
That's right.
My main man Quentin
300
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,633
found us a spot
on the Westside,
301
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,335
and I'm going for it.
302
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,170
Man, I ain't moving nowhere.
303
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,439
Oh. You're fired, then.
304
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,474
Oh, yeah? Uh, Westside
did you say?
305
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,076
Yeah, I'm-I'm cool
with the Westside.
306
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,146
Hey, and it's a great
location, too.
307
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,548
We gonna have so much
space to sell jeans,
308
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,283
I'm talking hair weaves,
309
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,684
I'm doing piercings,
all that.
310
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:34,487
You opening up a barbershop
or a swap meet?
311
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:38,125
Now, I know your dad Rondell
when he first opened this shop,
312
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,393
and Rondell would not
be too happy
313
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,562
with you throwing it
all away.
314
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,966
First of all, my dad's
name is Sam.
315
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,835
Right. You can't move, man.
316
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,702
My dad brought me here
for my first cut.
317
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,839
I had my first kiss in
the alley behind here.
318
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,240
I met my wife here.
319
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,875
You married
my ex-wife!
320
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,877
And you're a son of a bitch
for letting me go
through with it.
321
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,745
You don't have to worry.
322
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:00,280
Real quiet over there, Ton.
323
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,548
Why don't you
say something, man.
324
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,484
You got memories, too.
No comment.
325
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,119
For the record,
326
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:09,056
Ton is the contractor that's
working on the new spot.
327
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,357
What?
328
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,492
What part of "no comment"
didn't you hear?
329
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,995
Say it ain't so, son.
You're selling out.
330
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,596
I'm not selling out.
331
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,532
I just compromise my morals
for financial gain.
332
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,234
Look, I tried to
talk him out of it.
333
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,370
I told him that
this was the center of
the community and all that.
334
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,439
Look, y'all can be
mad at me if you want to,
335
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,707
but it's too late.
336
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,142
It's a done deal.
337
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:32,212
There's a new business
coming in next month.
338
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,347
(laughing)
339
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,486
Rodney, what are you
laughing at?
340
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:43,223
Oh, man, I'm still thinking
about "brousins."
341
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,894
It's like "cousins"
but "brousins."
342
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,897
That's hilarious!
343
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:53,433
**
344
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,741
What-what's going on?
Is it mom?
Is it dad?
345
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,377
(crying)
It's me!
346
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,680
(Lisa)
What do you mean, it's you?
347
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,649
Remember when I told you
I went
348
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,419
to the fertility doctor
the other day?
349
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,021
I got the results back,
350
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,323
and it turns out it
doesn't even matter
351
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,925
who the donor is.
352
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:22,429
With my history of
fi-- fi-- fi--
353
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,831
fibroids,
354
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:30,103
my chances of having a baby
are slim to none!
355
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,672
Oh. Come here.
356
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,642
(crying)
357
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,048
Okay.
358
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,150
Well, your only other
option is a surrogate,
359
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,986
but where are you gonna find
a woman who's healthy,
360
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,256
with good genes, who's
attractive and...
361
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,691
Oh, hell, no.
362
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,127
Why not? You're perfect.
363
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,595
I know I'm perfect,
364
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,830
but you're not about to
have me messin' up my body
365
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,166
with a bunch of stretch marks,
366
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,701
looking like a Bengal tiger
for the rest of my life.
367
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,972
You know what? You have
always been like this.
368
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,339
Always been like what?
369
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,508
A selfish shellfish.
370
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:13,113
Growing up, I was always
there when you needed me.
371
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:17,317
I always gave you the clothes
off my back.
372
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,087
Those were
hand-me-downs.
373
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,022
How dare you
call me selfish
374
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,324
when you just decided to have
a baby, what, two days ago,
375
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,226
and all of a sudden I'm
supposed to rent out my womb?
376
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,495
Lori, maybe you're right.
377
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,530
Maybe you're not meant
to have children.
378
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,600
Oh, well, that's easy for you
to say, Fertile Myrtle.
379
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,769
I mean, really, you've
already got your family.
380
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,238
Okay, what, I'm supposed
to feel bad
381
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,008
because I have children
and you don't?
382
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:44,311
You're acting like we're
obligated to do this for you.
383
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:48,548
Look, I didn't ask you.
I know you're married.
384
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:50,917
I asked Rachel
only because she's single.
385
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,120
I would never ask you to do
something like that.
386
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,155
And you know you wouldn't
have to ask,
387
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,624
because if it's something that
really means that much to you,
388
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:00,027
I'd consider it.
389
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,561
(scoffs)
390
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,130
Oh, baby.
391
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,036
You know, Larry,
392
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,738
I think Pops would say
I'm doing the right thing.
393
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,240
Uh-huh.
394
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,941
Well, maybe he'd reach down
from the heavens and say,
395
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,377
"Boy, you better put my damn
photo back up on the wall."
396
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:20,480
(laughing)
Knowing my father,
he had to reach up.
397
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,953
Man, I'm gonna miss
this place.
398
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,256
Well, maybe you shouldn't have
agreed to build the new place.
399
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,891
You wanna come to my house
and pay my bills, Larry?
400
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,226
Do I get all
the benefits?
401
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:36,629
I'd ask for your benefits,
but I've seen your wife.
402
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,466
Hey, man, why don't you
tighten me up one last time
for old times' sake?
403
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,368
You know what?
This one's on the house.
404
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,170
I gotcha, babe.
My man.
405
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,072
But the next one's
gonna be double.
406
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,340
Are you sure about this?
407
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,076
I mean, this place
is an institution.
408
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,078
Sorry, Tony,
it's done.
409
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,645
Free Rodney's Shop!
410
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:56,149
Rodney, boom-by-aye!
Rodney, boom-by-aye!
411
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,750
You can't sell
this place, Rod.
412
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,320
And before you say anything,
brother, yes, I owe you money,
413
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,090
but this shirt was free,
as you can see.
414
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,092
Next thing, this is an
establishment
415
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,094
that we have built together
as a community, brother,
416
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,561
and you need
to stand by it.
417
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,697
So, in honor of my protest,
I'm going on a hunger strike.
418
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,099
Want some potato chips,
brother?
419
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,901
Yeah, yes, damn,
I'm so hungry.
420
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,703
Oh!
421
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:17,770
Don't get it twisted,
though,
422
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,005
I'm breaking my fast
right now,
423
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:20,607
but the revolution
starts on Monday,
424
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,276
and it will not
be televised, brother.
425
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,146
(cell phone ringing)
Hello?
426
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:29,116
What? Hold on.
427
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,583
No, no, you can't do this.
428
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:34,821
No, I've got a contract!
429
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,024
Hello? Uh...
What happened?
430
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,193
Man, the people that's supposed
to take over this lease,
431
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,861
they're pulling out.
432
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,896
So, what does that mean,
you staying?
433
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,299
No, it means
I'm going bankrupt
434
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,934
paying for two locations.
435
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,369
I'm screwed!
436
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,607
**
437
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,144
(door opens)
438
00:17:57,144 --> 00:18:00,880
Baby, I just had
the craziest day.
439
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,549
What's wrong with her?
440
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,318
Uh, Tony, can we talk
in the kitchen?
441
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,287
This is my house.
Can't they go in the kitchen?
442
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,721
Or better yet,
their kitchens?
443
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,162
Go in the kitchen.
444
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,431
Baby, what's going on?
445
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,899
Tony, I wanna have a baby.
446
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,568
Are we back on this
baby thing again?
447
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:26,206
No, it came out wrong. I--
I wanna have a baby for Lori.
448
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:29,041
Tell your sister to
grow her own babies!
449
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,777
(softer voice) Tell her to
grow her own babies.
450
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,946
Let's just say she doesn't
have any more...
451
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,448
fertile ground.
452
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,917
So she wants to use
my pasture?
453
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,187
Our pasture.
454
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,855
Your pasture.
455
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:48,461
Okay, I'm sorry for
calling you selfish.
456
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:51,364
I forgive you.
457
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:58,538
(slowly)
And you're sorry for
calling me selfish, too.
458
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,340
I guess.
459
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,976
Look, you know I would
do anything for you.
460
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,812
You want a baby shower?
I got you.
461
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,948
But there are just some things
that are off the table,
462
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,484
like...my lady parts.
463
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,453
I know, I know
I was wrong.
464
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:14,721
I'm sorry.
465
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,423
It's just this whole
"having a baby" thing
466
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,291
is driving me crazy.
467
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:22,562
It's like my biological clock
has got me ticking.
468
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,331
If you think this is
a good idea,
469
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:27,300
then I support you...
and your sister.
470
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:31,070
Oh, thank you, baby.
471
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,140
Ooh!
472
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:38,245
That was so sweet!
473
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:41,047
That's what
family's all about.
474
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,282
Ah!
475
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,651
But I can't have you
carrying my baby.
476
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,519
What? Lori, can't you
make up your mind
477
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,020
about one damn thing
in your life?
478
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,856
Okay, okay, okay.
479
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:53,660
Maybe I was being
a little too dramatic
480
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,495
about the whole
baby thing.
481
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:59,031
I mean, I thought that
having a baby
482
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,268
would help me make a family.
483
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,471
But I realize that I've
already got a family.
484
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,439
All of you are my family.
485
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:09,809
And there is no family
486
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:13,145
better than the one
I already have.
487
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:16,015
I love you guys.
Love you.
488
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,084
All right.
489
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,120
I know that I was talking
a lot of mess earlier,
490
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,855
but the truth is,
491
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,858
if you really needed one of us
to have your baby...
492
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,160
ain't no way it was
gonna be me, okay?
493
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,796
'Cause, uh, stretch marks
ain't the lick.
494
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,864
Besides, you ain't gonna
have me walking around
495
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,166
looking like I'm wearing a
corduroy jumpsuit every day.
496
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,802
Okay, whatever.
Where's the wine?
497
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,203
I ain't having a baby now.
498
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,805
You know where
the wine is.
499
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,841
**
500
00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,646
What's going on?
You back in business?
501
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,316
Hell, yeah.
502
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,418
Can't keep a good
institution down.
503
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,886
I knew my protest
would work, man...
504
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,489
until Miss Jenkins starts
selling them plates.
505
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,758
Man, it through
the whole revolution
to a screeching halt.
506
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,361
Man, your life is gonna
come to a screeching halt
507
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:04,163
if you don't pay me for
some of them haircuts
I gave you last week.
508
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,165
Come on, Larry!
Let that go, man!
509
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:07,534
That's in the past, brother!
510
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,201
My pockets are a little
light right now.
511
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,470
Can you get off my back?
512
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,572
Then how you got money
for Miss Jenkins' plates?
513
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,674
Don't worry about how I got
money for Miss Jenkins' plates.
514
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:15,975
That's for me, Miss Jenkins
515
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,844
and her husband that's
always out of town.
516
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,079
All right, brother?
Do you get the message?
517
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,248
Tony, I thought about
what you said.
518
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:26,118
I thought about what all
of y'all said,
519
00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:28,187
and I thought them pulling
out of the lease was a curse,
520
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:31,190
but it turns out
it was a blessing.
521
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,360
But aren't you gonna
go bankrupt?
522
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,927
No.
523
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:37,764
Hey, the young buck
has got A-1 credit.
524
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,265
What?
Yeah!
525
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:40,900
He convinced me he could
make a go of it,
526
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,135
so he's taking over the lease
at the other spot.
527
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:45,372
He's my personal
government bailout.
528
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,907
So, Rodney's gonna stay,
baby.
529
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:49,709
All right!
Yeah!
530
00:21:51,578 --> 00:21:53,613
I-I still get to--
531
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:57,584
You still get the bid on the
other spot. I got you, man.
39432
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