Original subtitles

**

Oh, my goodness! Goodness gracious,

this boy is working my last nerve.

He just gonna really keep trying me.

He just-- he lying. What is wrong with him?

He done lost his damn mind.

Apparently he ain't the only one.

Hey, baby, um, would you mind

taking that conversation between you, yourself, and you into the other room?

I'm trying to watch TV.

Tony? Apparently not.

Your little lying son has gone way too far

with his little lying.

You doing a little double-word thing.

He must really be in trouble.

What he do now?

I just got a call from his counselor

saying he sends his sincere condolences

and that Devin is excused from any homework or tests

for the next few days.

Condolences? Who died?

Your guess is as good as mine.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

We about to find out.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hey, Mom.

Wassup, Pops? How you been living?

What? Your son can't get no love?

Did anything interesting happen at school today?

No, nothing I can really put my finger on.

That's interesting because your counselor

said something altogether different.

So I'm gonna ask you again.

Did anything interesting happen at school today?

No, um, what's for dinner?

Boy, you want some dinner?

Would you like the belt brunch or the knuckle sandwich?

Now, apparently somebody died.

Get to explaining. Who died?

Great Aunt Evelyn.

Aw, Great Aunt Evelyn died?

Wait, who's Aunt Evelyn?

Our grandmother's sister.

Who died before either of you were born.

Okay, it's like this.

You know that movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"?

That you and Dad said you love so much?

Well, I decided that Devin Stallworth needed a few days off.

At least from homework and tests.

'Cause a brother's brain needs some rest.

Boy, a brain need to be used in order to need some rest.

You know you in trouble, right?

But Mom, I get good grades.

It was just a little white lie.

Like when you lied about going to study group?

You know what happens to liars.

You know snitches get stitches, right?

Bye, Ebony, go do your homework.

Boy, what did I tell you about lying?

Don't get caught.

No, the other thing, remember?

Lying ain't right.

Oh, but it's okay when you lie?

Let me tell you something, you going down a road

you might not make it back from.

Like before, when you said you liked Mom's painting?

I did, I did, I did.

And I still do.

But how come right after you said that

Stevie Wonder could have done a better job?

You said that, Tony?

(chuckles) Baby, uh...

Stevie Wonder is a visionary, okay?

He can do anything he sets his mind to.

The man's a genius.

Devin, I'll see you upstairs.

Remember, snitches get switches, too.

It's your son. (chuckles)

So what's for dinner?

Beatdown burger or black-eyed peas?

I'm not that hungry.

* Woke up and my wife said to me *

* The bill collectors want their fees *

* Kids keep talkin' back to me

* Family time

* Family time, family time family time **

Is it safe to enter?

You was giving me the silent treatment over dinner.

You know you didn't have to lie about liking my painting.

I'm fully aware that it wasn't my best work.

You said it, I didn't.

Tony, we need to do better.

No, you need to do better.

That painting was pretty terrible.

I'm talking about telling the truth.

Lying is a bad habit we all need to break.

You lie, you cheat, you cheat, you steal.

You steal, you kill.

Now, if that boy even thinks about stealing,

I'll kill him myself.

I'll go have a talk with him.

Ay, is that your solution for everything?

We need to take action, Tony.

Okay, I was watching Dr. Bill on TV the other day--

Oh, boy, here we go.

And he said that lying affects your whole life,

even your health.

And that you just need to cut all that lying out,

even the little white ones.

Is that the same Dr. Bill that had a baby out of wedlock

and then lied about it?

Allegedly.

Okay, now come on, Tony.

We need to make this house a no-lie zone.

Dr. Bill suggests--

Lisa, I do not need some quack to tell me how not to lie.

It's simple, just tell the truth.

Oh, okay, Mr. Just Tell the Truth.

I bet you you can't even go a day

without telling the slightest of lies.

Please, I can go longer than you.

What's your wager?

I win, you take me to the Alvin Ailey ballet.

Ballet? Oh, no.

That ain't gonna happen.

When I win, you are going to draw my bath

and then bring my breakfast up

wearing that little French maid costume

that you wore for Halloween last year.

(giggles) In your perverted little dreams, Tony.

I know you better than you know yourself.

We will be going to that ballet.

All right, all right, deal.

Deal.

(knocking on door)

Come on, Tony, can you tell Donnie to go

to the front door like regular folk?

You know he ain't been regular since the third grade.

But he does ask for money on a regular basis.

Hey, well, you got a big balla.

Just got paid.

'Sup, playboy?

My man, you good? Mm-hmm.

Good to see you. I didn't mean to breath on your glass like that.

Hey, Lisa. Hey.

This is for you.

I always like to come through with gifts, you know.

You know what I mean?

Donnie, you got these from outside.

I mean, yeah, but these are indoor flowers.

You got them outside.

You need to have these inside under light.

That's so thoughtful.

So thoughtful.

Check this out, Tony man.

I've been going through a lot of things, man.

I just want to tell you I appreciate you, brother.

You know what I mean, we like family.

You let me come through the back door and all that.

'Cause I know she don't like that.

And you kinda put up with it, and I appreciate it.

Check this here out, brother.

I hit a rough patch.

Crazy couple of weeks, you know what I mean?

Got chased by a dog,

my girl left me for another girl.

Crazy, right?

Anyway, I was wondering, could you afford

to allow me to hold $50 until next Friday?

Or the Friday after that? Or when I get it?

It's kinda like a payday loan,

but I don't really know when I'm gonna get paid next.

You feel me?

$50, yeah, brother, look, money is a little tight.

(giggles)

Ti-- tightly tucked right here in my pocket.

'Cause I knew you had something, you know.

You know I got you, brother.

It's a big house for you not to have no money.

Cool, I appreciate it, man.

Donnie, is $50 enough?

You know what, it isn't.

But I didn't want to ask, you know what I mean, like that.

It's kinda hard to kinda ask.

You already gave me $50.

You know, for me to ask for another hundred

is crazy in itself.

But I could use more if you could afford it.

I don't see it as a problem.

Tony? It's another 20.

Oh, thank you, you know what I mean?

Thank you, man.

Okay, appreciate it, man.

Don't have me come looking for you.

Why would you come looking for me?

I'ma come looking for you.

You gonna be on the other side of the street

I'm gonna be like, "Ay, Tony, I got your bread!"

You know what I mean?

(sniffs)

Is that salmon with a hint of lemon butter and...

(sniffs) rosemary?

Brother, are you hungry?

I am starving, man.

The fact that I've been here five minutes

and she ain't said nothing kinda threw me, you know?

I mean, to tell you the truth, and this is the truth,

we just finished dinner.

Well, I might as well...

Well, brother, actually to tell the truth,

and this is the truth, she can make some more.

Can't you? Okay.

Well, technically--

That's what I'm talking about, Lisa.

Always cooking, you know.

Looking out for people.

Your mama really did a good job with you.

I don't know if you know that.

You need to stick with this, brother.

But I would love it if you could prepare us some.

Can you do that, please?

Oh, she sure can.

And lemon ice cream, I know y'all got it

'cause I seen the box outside.

Oh, yeah.

I saw the box.

Let me get some of that lemon.

(Lisa) Always keep a good box of lemon ice cream.

Ay, so baby, how do you like those eggs?

It's this new yolk-free recipe Cheryl gave me.

Honestly, you need to give that recipe back.

Look, baby, I just like regular cheese eggs.

Just cheese and eggs, no offense.

Mom, are you just gonna let him

insult your eggs like that?

Yeah, usually you would tell him to eat 'em.

Or wear 'em.

Boy, see, now that's your problem.

You run your mouth.

That's why you grounded until one of your aunts actually dies.

Okay, see, kids, your father was just

being honest about the eggs.

That's all.

And honesty, it's gonna be the best policy

for all of us around this house.

Your mother and I are gonna lead by example.

There will be no more lies tolerated

in the Stallworth house.

That goes for you, too.

Not even a little fib every now and then?

No such thing. A lie is a lie.

And after that little stunt you pulled at school,

things need to change around here before they get worse.

And your father and I,

we even have a little bet going to challenge us.

Mm-hmm, and I'm gonna win.

(doorbell rings)

Oh, I'll get it.

You guys are blowing this way out of proportion.

Technically, I didn't even lie.

Great Aunt Evely i dead.

Boy, don't try to play me.

Presenting Cheryl Bodry of the Windsor Hills Bodrys.

Oh, my, what a lovely introduction.

Good morning, Stallworth family.

Lisa, I see you're trying my recipe for yolkless eggs.

Yummy, huh?

Hmm, quite disgusting, actually.

Come again?

Ignore him, please, Cheryl.

What's up?

A little joke, I see.

Well, I popped by to ask a little favor of you.

Daphne Grayson, she cannot host

the monthly book club meeting tomorrow,

so, as book club liaison,

I was wondering if maybe you guys could have it here.

Oh, wow, um--

I mean, I would do it, obviously,

but Jack's got a big meeting he's preparing for,

and he needs total peace and quiet.

Cheryl, no, you know, I can't.

(clears throat) I can't...

think of a reason to say no.

Because I have nothing planned for tomorrow.

And if I said I did, I'd be lying.

Doesn't the host have to lead the book discussion?

Yes, yes, that is the rule.

But you've read the book, right, Lisa?

Um, you know, I haven't quite finished it.

But, um, I'm on my way there.

Let me just discuss things with Tony--

No, no, no need, no need. You have my permission.

The kids have something to do and I know how to disappear.

Ah, yay! Settled, okay!

Well, I'm gonna skedaddle and I'll see you tomorrow.

I will see you kids later.

Oh, cuddle, cuddle, cuddle!

Okay, I'll see myself out.

Skedaddle?

Isn't she from Compton?

(chuckles)

Oh, that was so jacked up.

You know I don't want to host that meeting.

I haven't even finished chapter two of that book.

You could've just told her you had something else to do.

Oh, wait, you couldn't.

Because that would be-- kids, say it with me--

Lying. Lying. Lying.

You ain't slick.

No, no, no. No lying.

I am slick.

In fact, I just saved us a lot of money

because I don't have to spend it on date night

because you got a big old book to read.

Come on, kids, I'll drop you off at the bus stop.

Can't you just take us to school?

Yes, I could, but I don't want to.

Don't feel like it.

Not a lie. That's the truth.

I like this no-lying thing.

It's liberating.

(footsteps approaching)

Are you still reading that book?

Oh, correction, trying to read this awful book.

I'm gonna be embarrassed if I don't finish it.

Why don't you just tell them you read it?

Go ahead, Lisa, one little white lie won't hurt.

(chuckles) Bye.

Where you going? Wait.

Where you going?

I'm about to go hit happy hour with Donnie and the fellas.

...left out a little lemon zest.

It's perfect.

Lisa, hi.

Oh, thank you.

Hello, ladies, and good-bye, ladies.

Um, well, come on in, hi.

And, you know, just make yourselves comfortable.

Grab some snacks.

(knocking on door) Oh, I'll get it.

Oh, okay.

Daphne, oh, you made it!

Oh, come on in.

I thought you had a business trip out of town.

Girl, I did.

But wouldn't you know it?

Our flight was canceled.

Due to all that, uh, horrible weather in Chicago.

Oh, okay, well, then we can just take this meeting

back to your place as originally planned, right?

Oh, Lisa, don't be silly. We're all here now.

You know what, let's get started, shall we?

Okay, welcome to Women of Windsor Book Club!!

Thank you so much.

So grateful to Lisa Stallworth

for hosting this month's event.

And without further ado, Lisa, take it away.

Okay, so I guess we are all here to, you know,

talk about "The Mind of a Love Maniac."

Right?

Does anybody have any thoughts?

You know, why don't you, uh, start, Lisa?

Well, you know, first and foremost,

I thought that the title, the title-- it's intriguing,

for a lack of a better word, right?

Very intriguing. It pops out at you.

Um, the character Jessica?

Jessica, wow! Wow, right?

She is just like a trip and a half.

And you can just tell that she has the mind--

(woman) Well, uh... ...of a love maniac.

What about the actions of Jessica?

Seem plausible to you, Lisa?

And be specific.

You want me to be specific about it?

(Tony) Go ahead, Lisa,

one little white lie won't hurt.

No, I will not tell a lie.

Excuse me?

Lisa, I'm sorry, what did you say?

I said that I, um, won't, um--

that I won't tell a lie

about this book or Jessica

or any of this "Mind of a Love Maniac."

Because, you know what, I didn't read it.

I didn't finish the book.

Okay, I didn't finish the book.

Oh, well, well, I'm appalled.

Why would you volunteer to host a book club

knowing you didn't finish the book?

Now, wait a minute, Cheryl, I didn't volunteer.

Okay, you volunteered me, remember?

And honestly, I could have lied.

I could have made up an excuse.

But I'm on a fast from lying.

And this whole house is a no-lie zone.

And in the long run,

the truth shall set you free.

It's in The Bible. It's in The Bible.

Girl, you are so right.

And ladies, I have a confession to make.

My boss scheduled our business trip for tomorrow

weeks ago, okay.

I didn't want to host because,

well, hell, I didn't finish the book either.

You didn't finish the book?

You gotta give me a hug.

Oh, my goodness, thank you so much for coming clean.

Thank you, sister. Thank you!

(sighs) Oh, oh!

Did anybody else finish the book?

Cheryl? What?

Not even you?

All right, so I... am embarrassed to admit

that I didn't even get passed the introduction.

It was awful.

Right?

Oh, thank you.

Isn't this just liberating?

Yes, it was.

It was a slow read, right?

Oh, it feels good.

It feels good to just tell the truth.

You know what, ladies, as long as we are just being truthful,

Melinda, that makeup is atrocious.

You look like a hooker.

Girl, stop it.

And you, Paula, Paula, sweetheart, no!

Don't wear skinny jeans. You are pleasantly plump.

Oh, no, Cheryl!

And Daphne, sweetheart, news flash.

Your boss is not going to leave his family for you.

Everyone knows.

Wait. Hold up.

He is about to be separated. Hmm.

I met his family and everything. Ugh.

Who the hell tol you about Melvin?

You know, a lady does not, um...

point fingers.

Monica?!

Oh, I can't believe you told.

You know I got plenty of dirt on Roger, okay?

(all arguing at once)

Ladies, ladies, listen, this meeting is adjourned!

I think that this meeting is adjourned!

Come on, ladies, please, we need to come together.

We need to be united.

Lisa, I forgot my wallet.

Uh, this little book club look more like fight club.

I encouraged them to tell the truth,

and all of a sudden, they turned into

an episode of "Ghetto Girls Gone Wild."

Hmm, whoo. (all arguing)

Honey, I gotta get this. Oh, you getting it.

Oh, look at Cheryl-- Oh, what was that?

Oh, yeah, this going on WorldstarHipHop right here.

So, baby, you never did tell me what happened

after Daphne chin-checked Monica at that meeting.

Oh, well, after the police left,

everything kinda went back to normal.

Kind of.

Who knew Cheryl had warrants?

Glad I left.

Yeah, well, I'm just happy

that you got tickets to John Legend tonight.

We finally having a real date night.

Yeah, about that, baby, I can't lie.

It's not John Legend.

It's one of John Legend's backup singers.

Yeah, I hear he's the real legend behind John Legend.

(scoffs) Whatever.

I guess I'll just roll with it.

So, um, how's your end of the bet coming along?

Are you trying to find out whether or not

I've been lying when you ain't around?

Basically. Mm-hmm.

No, I have not.

Let me just tell you,

this no-lie thing is costing me money.

As soon as I get to the bar,

Donnie hits me up for another 50.

Before you know it, everybody in the bar tell me they sob stories.

One brother told me a story so sad, I cried.

But don't you think telling the truth is freeing, honey?

Yeah, yeah, I feel so free and broke.

Hey, you know what, you--

You haven't said anything about my dress.

Oh, my bad. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That dress, that's-- that's a dress there, girl.

That, that-- Is that red?

Look like a-- maybe a pomegranate,

crimson something.

I mean, I know that it makes me, you know,

might make me look a little fat.

It's a little snug and I need to tone my arms.

But I mean, do you think it makes me look fat?

You think it makes me look fat.

Answer the question--

Do you think it makes me look fat?

Do you feel fat?

No. Well, then there you go.

Come on, let's bounce. No, no!

Answer the question.

Did you hear anything I just said?

Yeah, yeah, I hear that you trying to start a fight

like you always do.

Me? Yeah, you.

Only you trying to push my buttons, I know that much.

You know what, you're a little know-it-all.

And you don't listen to me.

Just-- just like that time

we were on our way to Vegas for my cousin's wedding

and you wouldn't listen to me or the GPS,

and we ended up in Mexicali.

Remember that?

She didn't miss you.

I was her maid of honor.

Why are we talking about this anyway?

I thought we was talking about

how fat you look in that dress.

Oh, okay, so there it is.

The truth finally comes out.

The truth shall set you free.

All right, well, I guess I'll be taking this dress off.

Why, you-- you got another dress?

No, I'm going to put on some sweats.

For a concert?

I ain't going nowhere with you.

I'm sure you don't want to be seen with your fat-ass wife.

Baby, this is why white lies were invented--

to keep families together.

You know, since we're on this little truth train,

the other night, when I said you made me happy?

Yeah? I faked it.

Oh, yeah, I faked it.

The whole thing.

(door slams)

Girl, you can't fake that. I gave you the thunder.

(plate slams)

(plates slamming)

(utensils slamming)

Mmm, that smells good, Dad.

Yeah, it smells good.

Too bad I won't be having any,

since I don't want to get fat.

Too late.

Well, Mom, the table looks nice.

Yeah, hopefully she didn't break all the dishes

the way she slammed them on the table.

Tell your father I said, "Whatever."

Can we go back to the way things were?

'Cause a little lie never hurt nobody.

And this whole silence thing is not cool.

Devin, we not going there.

But-- But nothing.

You started this with all your lying.

Now, you heard your mama.

We're trying to teach you a lesson.

Oh, speaking of lesson,

I got an A+ on my speech today.

Oh, that's good, baby girl.

What was the speech about, Ebony?

It was on the most influential person in my life.

Well, I had to change the people

because you and Daddy are a tie for most influential.

Tie? Aw.

I won't share it all, but I ended it with...

"The most influential person in my life is not one person

"but my parents

"because they teach the importance of honesty

and most of all, love."

Come here, little girl.

Ugh, that was so sweet, Ebony.

I love you.

(sighs) And I love you, too, Tony.

I love you more.

Look, I'm sorry about what I said the other day.

Apparently, the truth without being spoken carefully

does hurt.

Yeah, and um, I'm sorry, too.

You know, being your wife is good enough.

And I will never have to fake that.

Hmm.

I mean, now I'm not saying we go back to lying.

But just find creative ways of communicating.

All right, all right.

So instead of "Baby, them eggs suck,"

I'll say, "Baby, them eggs suck, but I love ya."

Right, exactly.

The "I love you" takes the sting out of the truth.

It does. Yeah.

All right, so can y'all two kiss and make up...

so we can eat?

(both chuckling)

Y'all go wash up.

Your daddy and I will make up later.

And how you gonna do that?

By shaking hands.

Mmph, we all know that's not true.

(chuckles)

Ladies and gentlemen, we're officially lying again.

(laughs)

You didn't really have a speech today, did you?

What'd you think it was?

Freestyling a white lie.

I wasn't lying.

I was acting.

And the award goes to Ebony Stallworth.

You lied. You ready to pay up?

That was a little itty-bitty lie.

You are not gonna make me follow that rule.

"You lie, you steal, you steal, you kill."

Okay, I know.

Bonjour, monsieur.

(speaking French)

That ain't...

I got your eggs, Tony.

Oui, ou.

(French accent) Now come here so I can make you feel happy.

(both laughing)